• It is not for me because it’s very difficult.
And other thoughts like that. People with a fixed mindset like phrases like «yes, what are you getting yourself into, it’s not for you», «what if», «yes, I’ve already seen a lot who didn’t succeed» and so on. The image of such people is well shown in the second verse of Kasta’s song «Way higher». Its meaning can be described roughly as «Dry bread at home is better than roast meat abroad.» I think this phrase was invented by the most important boss of people with a fixed mindset. Of course, it is better that there are no such people around you. Surround yourself with people who will pull you up. Life is already full of people who want to pull you down.
People with a growth mindset are diametrically opposite. The mindset of growth is based on the fact that any skill or competence can be developed. That everything can be achieved if you figure it out and act. People with such a mindset will think like this:
• Nothing is predetermined, everything depends on me;
• If you try, you will definitely succeed;
• Mistakes are not scary, it’s an experience;
• You need to learn new things in order to use new approaches;
• I don’t care what people think, I’ll try;
• I can achieve anything, it’s a matter of resources and skills.
It turns out that all people are divided into a kind of pessimists and optimists, confident and insecure people. Most people who call themselves «pessimists» or «skeptics» are afraid of failure. Therefore, they choose comfortable pessimism. There are no trials and problems in pessimism. As well as there is no growth and development. Many people usually say that they are not pessimists, but realists and just soberly assess the situation. That they have already had experience, and they know how it will be. Therefore, it is better not to go into something that you do not understand, it is better not to take risks. Such people are not confident; they did not draw conclusions from the failure and gave up. They usually work well for those who are confident. Insecure people are easier to manage, give loans, use for their needs. Some pessimists even understand this and try to get out with the help of silver bullets: courses, trainings and marathons. They are taught there to visualize, look for motivation, say «yes» to everything and praise themselves in front of the mirror. But it doesn’t help, because it doesn’t change the mindset.
«A pessimist is first of all a homeless person. To be an optimist, you need to work hard»
Mario Corella
To make steps towards growth, you need a growth mindset. To change the mindset, you need to work hard on yourself. It’s funny that every person has a growth mindset from birth. Look at the children, they are super confident. They try to get up and walk. They fall, but they get up and go. No one develops learned helplessness; no one thinks that it is painful, shameful and scary. They just do it. They just don’t understand a lot of things that adults understand. But look at the omniscient adults, most are not sure about anything.
«Everyone knows that this is impossible. But here comes an ignoramus who does not know this – he makes a discovery»
Albert Einstein
Before graduating from university, I was such a child with a growth mindset. Thanks to Mom. She has always said since childhood that I am the best, and I can do anything. I never thought about the fears of failure and did not doubt myself. But after university I acquired pessimism. When it turned out that no one needed a diamond like me without work experience, I became more and more pessimistic. I didn’t know what to do. I was feeling blue and I was ready to accept any job. Working at the factory, I stopped believing that I could achieve something. I didn’t even think about what I wanted, and I didn’t make any plans for life. Finally, my wife did not let me get bogged down in this swamp. Sometimes her critical thinking can’t stop in time, and she may start to worry, but she has always been against pessimistic views. She is exactly the person who knows how to enjoy life and enjoy the moment. She was probably assigned to me so that I wouldn’t go crazy for unknown merits in my past life. She was just talking to my negative thoughts: «Why do you think that? What facts are your thoughts based on?» I immediately rushed into the argument, explained to her that she did not understand anything. But every time it turned out that I had no arguments. I was just winding myself up with negativity and generating problems that might not have happened. I was engaged in forecasting and was sad. Then I was captured by a fixed mindset. I was afraid to solve difficult tasks, I wanted to justify my inaction with barriers and to absolve myself of responsibility.
Our brain contributes to the consolidation of a fixed mindset. It always overestimates threats, underestimates opportunities, and downplays the resources you have. Therefore, it is very important to analyze your mindset for parasitic thoughts. They limit growth. They keep you from taking a step that can change your life. Although this step doesn’t have to be big. It may be microscopic, but you will not dare to take it, because you are afraid of even a small risk. All people are biologically equal, but they develop differently. There are no genes of genius and super intelligence. There are only your thoughts that limit or trigger actions. You can continue to complain that something is not given to you. Or you can just start learning something new, try, experiment and improve yourself. If you notice a fixed mindset in yourself, then urgently understand this topic. Better put my book aside, read «Mindset» by Carol Dweck and then continue. Without the growth mindset, useful information will be blocked, there will be no trust in it, and you will be forever looking for a silver bullet. System life is an exoskeleton for the growth mindset. You just need to start implementing it, and you will see that you are also capable of a lot. The whole book is written so as not to give you precedents for fixing a fixed mindset. So that you approach any changes, challenges or problems boldly and do not feel fear. Without any «what if, what if», etc. So that there is no doubt about achieving the result, and there is confidence that you will not give the back.
Motivation and vector
Today, the Internet is full of videos and articles about how to look for motivation. Supposedly there is «you» and your «goal», but there is no motivation. You really want something, but you don’t do it. You would love to, but there is no motivation. And the puzzle does not add up in any way, and the movement towards the goal does not begin. There are many definitions of motivation. I like it when motivation is called a natural emotional state that encourages action. Because the key word here is «natural». Whatever definition you come across, the essence of motivation is the same – if you don’t want something, then you won’t do it. And if you want, then you will do it. Of course, if there are no insurmountable or time constraints. This is all you need to know about motivation and its nature. You need to figure out what you want and why, and not look for a button that will kick you in the ass so that motivation is revealed. If motivation needs to be sought in a special way, then how can we watch TV shows without it, spend money on junk food or go to the dentist. Everything happens by itself. Invisible forces are activated, prompt to action and do not calm down until there is a result. These invisible forces are called stimulation and motivation.
Incentives stimulate, not motivate, that’s the big difference. Incentive (Latin. stimulus) is a stick of an elephant driver or a sharp metal tip on a pole, which is used to drive a bull. In scientific terms, it is a strong motivating moment; an internal or external factor that causes a reaction, an action. In physiology and psychophysiology, this concept is identical to the concept of irritation. Everything is clear here. The stimulus is like a stick that hits us on the back. It causes pain and discomfort, from which you want to run away. And motivation is the desire to satisfy the significant needs of a person. Otherwise, we can say that these are the true desires of a person. What exactly he\she wants. These processes are not a secret development of information gypsies or a method of unscrupulous coaches. They exist exactly as long as people exist, and are conditioned by basic human needs. What was the main human need when people ran with clubs through forests and lived in caves? Protect yourself, survive and continue the race. This task was carried out and is being carried out by the instinct of self-preservation. In every person, it manifests itself in the form of escape and curiosity. Escape is an incentive to avoid danger, and curiosity is a motive to learn and master new things for adaptation and survival. In a group, the instinct of self-preservation through social interaction moves a person up the hierarchical ladder, to power, or down, under the protection of those who are stronger. In order for the species not to become extinct, it is necessary to reproduce. We are not animals for whom reproduction is just an instinct. A person needs to make an impression and be impressed by others in order for reproduction to happen. The instinct of self-preservation at these levels forms the basic needs of a person. They have not gone away, but they have changed with the development of the world. Today, instead of needs, the designation «basic values» is more suitable. In most cases, the basic needs of all people are closed. Basic human values have come to the fore. Such as money, status, image, development and psychological comfort. These are all the same basic needs, but in a different form. For example, money performs the function of security, and image and status describe a place in the social structure and help to delight people. Attitudes to basic values change throughout life depending on age, health, qualifications, life experience, family and other circumstances. The same person at 18, 30 and 50 will prioritize life differently. Usually there are 2—3 main basic values that influence the choice of lifestyle, environment, work and hobbies. If the aspiration is based on the closure of basic values, then the motivation will be natural. If you do something because you are afraid of losing basic values, then it is an escape from discomfort. That is, an incentive. It is often possible to find the designations «motivation from» and «motivation to». It’s all about the same thing.
It is necessary to analyze motivation, since most people are stuck in the zone of dissatisfaction with the comfort zone. Basic needs are fulfilled, there are not so many annoying stimuli, but there is no motivation either. It’s like a comfort zone, but the awareness of how it should be does not allow you to enjoy what you have. The parable about the dog on the nail describes this condition well.
One day a man was walking past a certain house and saw an old woman in a rocking chair, an old man reading a newspaper was rocking in an armchair next to her, and a dog was lying on the porch between them and whining, as if in pain. Passing by, the man wondered to himself why the dog was whining.
The next day he was walking past this house again. He saw an elderly couple in rocking chairs and a dog lying between them and making the same plaintive sound. The puzzled man promised himself that if the dog whines tomorrow, he would ask the elderly couple about it.
On the third day, to his misfortune, he saw the same scene: the old woman was rocking in a chair, the old man was reading a newspaper, and the dog was whining plaintively in its place. He couldn’t take it anymore.
«Excuse me, ma’am,» he said to the old lady.
– What happened to your dog?
– To her? – asked the old lady. – She’s lying on a nail.
Confused by her answer, the man asked:
– If she’s lying on a nail and it hurts, why doesn’t she just get up?
The old lady smiled and said in a friendly, affectionate voice:
– So, my dear, it hurts her enough to whine, but not enough to move from her place.
Many people are also in a situation where everything is fine, they want to do even better, but there is no motivation to act. Or not good enough, but it has not yet reached the incentives when security will be affected. A person does not act for three reasons: he does not want to, cannot, or does not know how. If, after quoting Andrew Grove from the book «High-Performance Management», the last two reasons do not seem so complicated, then only the first one remains. Your desire.
«If this person’s life depended on doing this job, would he be able to do it? If the answer is positive, then this person has no motivation; if negative, he is not capable»
Andrew Grove
Being bombarded with information noise and society, a person cannot consciously think about his desires. Why dig if you can already see what you need. You can see what kind of people are trending, and who everyone loves. Therefore, someone is happy, and someone makes unsuccessful attempts to motivate themselves for other people’s goals and googles «how to overcome procrastination.» Procrastination was invented by the same people who are taught to look for motivation in violent ways. Why come up with such a complicated word for the process when you can’t find the strength and energy for a job that you don’t want to do? It’s not procrastination – it’s you who don’t want to do something, don’t know how, can’t do it, or can’t avoid it. Deal with desires – there will be no problems with motivation, procrastination and purpose. There are a number of factors and processes that help to maintain motivation, but this will be discussed in detail in the goal setting. If you have no motivation, then there are no desires. If there are no desires, it means that you cannot distinguish, see, recognize, and accept them. You can’t focus on your desires, admit to them, or get confused among the desires imposed by society. Everyone runs – and I want to, all bloggers – and I want to be one, etc. Ask yourself: what are your desires? What do you want? What basic values are important to you? The more times in your life you ask these questions, the more you will think about the right aspiration. Instead of thinking about what to do or what to love more than just going to work and ordering food. Understand your desires, look for them, dig deeper. And then motivation will be your energy, and not a third force that you need to look for somewhere and never find.
The primary task is to get rid of the actions that you do because of the incentives as much as possible. You need to get into the comfort zone to start working with motivation. For example, because of the incentives, I did homework, went to university and hated work. I managed to get rid of the stimuli in the following way. It’s not a fact that it will suit everyone, but it worked for me. When I still didn’t understand what motivates me and where motivation comes from, I used a technique that I now call «Marty». This is a character from the movie «Back to the Future». He was constantly provoked «to dare», and he got involved in various challenges to prove that he could do anything. I’ve done something similar. When I was sitting at home in Donetsk and thought that I had to get up for work tomorrow at 5 in the morning, I asked myself 3 questions: «Do I deserve this?», «Why am I doing what I’m doing, and what will it give me in the future?» and «What do I really want?». I understood that I had brains, abilities, family and friends. Does it have to be that I work at a factory and live in an apartment with my grandmother’s repair? Stupid people tell me what to do, fine me and teach me about life. I don’t sleep much; I don’t see my wife and friends. I considered the situation as a threat to the security of my meaningful life, and there were no questions that something should be changed. I was afraid of losing a meaningful and controlled life. Therefore, in this way I motivated myself to break into changes in order to prove to myself that I could.
Motivation is a different thing. In 2011, I graduated from university and realized that no one needed me and my diploma. Everyone needs work experience and real skills to do something. For a long time, I resisted admitting to myself that 5 years of training were useless for my professional activity. What does it mean that I studied for 5 years, and now I have to study again to how a cool job? Then I tried to start from something based on fashion, demand and money. I tried to learn programming and understand marketing, but everything went by. Nothing worked. At some point I gave up and just started doing what I like. My weekends did not coincide with my wife, and more often I spent them alone. Then I was engaged in music, so I was interested in sound engineering, creating electronic drums, video editing and photography. At night at work, I read articles about different programs, and on weekends I made drums and different effects for videos and photos. I slept for 4 hours, got up and studied again. There were no problems with motivation and procrastination. I was just enjoying myself and didn’t think it wouldn’t bring me money. I just did what I like, as successful coaches’ advice. I always laughed at these words, but, funnily enough, it turned out that way. Gradually, because of the music, I became interested in cover design, delved into the study of Photoshop, then web design, then layout of landing pages, and so on. As a result, I realized that I like creating websites. My focus has shifted to web development and design. After some time, I already knew about the basic engines and could make a landing page. The desire to move to Moscow appeared due to the availability of vacancies in web design. After 2 years, I got the desired position. I was the head of the website development department, then switched to mobile applications at red_mad_robot, became the head of the project office of the design direction, participated in the relaunch of the direction as an operating director, organized a dream team, and then moved to the educational direction of Verno by red_mad_robot. If they had told me in Donetsk in 2013 where I would live and what I would do, I would have twirled my finger at my temple. Initially, I wasn’t going to do all this and didn’t even know it was possible. I just started doing what I like, and that brought me to the current state of affairs. I was just doing something and developing in it. This does not mean that if you love football, you can get up from your workplace, send your boss to hell and go to the football academy. It’s also «do what you like». Everything needs to be done correctly and without sudden movements. We need a safe environment, not an exit from the comfort zone to starve and sleep on the street. The processes in this book will help you to act rationally and save the time I spent then.
Vector
Your desires create not only motivation, which is the fuel of movement towards the goal, but also determine the vector of your goals. By vector I mean what many call the mission of life, destiny or vocation. Here is the same story as with motivations. Everyone is looking for their purpose in different ways, going through a bunch of articles and videos on how to find it. And still no one can find it. If you have a lot of fundamental tasks, you are in debt or there is no energy, then everything is simple if we are talking about the vector. You need to get rid of the stimulating conditions in order to get back on your feet and stabilize the situation. Then you can activate motivation, choose an ambitious vector, start the path to a dream and to great deeds. Consider that solving fundamental problems is like a slip before a sharp start. A journey of a thousand steps begins with a single step. Our task is to prepare the legs so that they can do it. The system life can be applied both to the slip and to further movement. Why do I call it a vector and not the meaning of life, a global goal, mission or vocation? I believe that there is no vocation. We were not born to be happy and successful. We are people whose goal is to get maximum pleasure and avoid pain. Stimuli help to avoid pain, and having fun has become a new difficult task for a person. To get it, you first need to understand what is delivering it to you. We no longer get pleasure from the fact that we don’t have to hide in a cave from predators, get food and do a bunch of other dangerous things of primitive man. These pleasures have lost their value. As in the law of diminishing marginal utility.
«As a certain maximum of saturation of the need for this good is reached, its usefulness for the buyer begins to decrease. This is because each additional unit of subsequent purchases of this good brings the consumer relatively less satisfaction than the previous ones»
For example, for a person without a car, the marginal utility of the first car purchase is higher than the second, the second is higher than the third. The tenth car may stop pleasing at all, and you will want a helicopter. Now you need to get new pleasures. Even more status, love, admiration, and so on. It’s difficult to get them, we can’t stop wanting them, and the modern world promises that a quick result is possible. Even they offer to learn English in 2 hours. Therefore, we are looking for our destiny to realize our super talent and potential. This is really very important. Especially when a person does not know, does not notice and does not look for his potential. Because he doesn’t want to, can’t, or doesn’t know how…
«The biggest misfortune in life is a mismatch with one’s own potential»
Yuri Bykov
But there is no ministry of talents in heaven, where a person sits and distributes abilities. There is no such thing as putting human embryos in front of them and saying: you will be a driver, you will be a musician, you are a born manager, you are a designer, you are a CEO, and you will transfer turtles across the road in Australia. Only you won’t know about it right away. You will search for your vocation for years, buy courses and marathons. All healthy people are biologically equal, but they develop differently, in different conditions, with different resources and their own solutions. People’s values are formed over a long period of time. If you do something, then you like it. If you like something, then you do it and improve. Not for profit, but for pleasure. Time passes, and you become a pro. Other people look at you and think, this is a genius, this is a pro, I would like that. Often in such situations they talk about the 10,000 rule. It says that in any field you can become an expert in 10,000 hours of practice. Violinist students participated in this study. Those of them who spent 10,000 hours on practice, became world stars. This is how they prove that you are not born genius, but become one. But in this context, the study is not entirely appropriate. I have no doubt that a person will become a pro in any business if he spends 5 years practicing it. Only a person should have the desire to spend so much time doing it. Then there will be natural motivation and enthusiasm. Someone will say that he knows how to do something well, but he doesn’t like doing it. Someone doesn’t know what they like. This is totally fine, only few people know that.
«And today, not everyone can see tomorrow. Rather, not only everyone can see, not everyone can do it»
V. Klitschko
We need to experiment and rely on values. For example, I’m good at getting on well with people. I could be great selling bricks or vegetables on the market. But I don’t like this job, I don’t want to waste time on it. No matter what mountains of gold the skill of 10,000 hours spent on it promises. You need to look for a job or hobby in what you really like. Perhaps not straight away. Any related or similar activity will do. The main thing is to fulfill your desires. If your desires are fulfilled, then your values will be satisfied. And the puzzle will work out. Do not confuse it with a pretentious expression: just do what you like, and there will be success. For example, I like football in addition to music. I am young, but I will not build a football career anymore. At the age of 33, football players are already finishing their careers. How do I do what I like? I can create a football website, open a school, organize competitions, create a startup or sell sporting goods. All this is an activity that I would enjoy. I always thought I was lucky because I always knew what I wanted. But in fact, I only thought so. The desire to share knowledge in education or solve the problems of companies in consulting was a discovery for me. Moreover, I didn’t like education before, and complex problems scared me. Therefore, I made a conclusion for myself. First you need to understand your values and start trying everything one by one. If you try correctly, then desires will quickly make themselves felt, even if you do not fully understand your values and first try things randomly.
The problem is that there are other people’s values that confuse us. Society demonstrates and imposes other people’s values on us. For example, the values of prestige and status. For the status, you need expensive clothes, a car and a bought place in a queue for a new iPhone, so that everyone can see what a rich person you are. But if this is the case, then why does Warren Buffett drive a cheap car and have breakfast in McDonald’s, even though he is a billionaire? Something doesn’t end up here. But for him, status and prestige are not his values. Watch a documentary about him and you will understand everything. You can read Mark Manson’s «The Subtle Art of Indifference». This will help to start a fight with other people’s values. At least, it will reduce the weight of some familiar, but useless values. Today we live in a society where people don’t want to be happy, they want to be happier than others. For everyone to watch and admire. The conveyor of show-offs works at the speed of light, and it is very difficult to stop it. In such a culture, there is no time to analyze your values or look for an emotional response in your activities. Even if you wish, it is difficult to stop and make a conscious analysis. This is how we get people who take out a loan for an iPhone for 1,800 $ instead of training, which can change their lives. Don’t do that. I hope this chapter becomes a speed bump for your thoughts to slow down and analyze the basic values.
«A person can go beyond his own limits only by relying on his own true nature, and not on ambitions and artificial goals»
Frederick Perls
