Bullies, Bitches and Bastards

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all our family and friends—the perfect antidote to the BBBs out there. (You’re not in it. OK!)

All the characters in Bullies, Bitches and Bastards are entirely fictitious. Sadly, their behaviour isn’t. Furthermore, the authors accept no liability for persons recognising in themselves any of the bullying traits described herein. Quite frankly, if you do—shame on you.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter One Husbands/Boyfriends

Chapter Two Wives/Girlfriends

Chapter Three Bosses/Colleagues

Chapter Four Family

Chapter Five Friends

Chapter Six Neighbours and Local Folk

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Copyright

About the Publisher

Introduction

‘I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.’ (Voltaire)

That’s it. That’s enough. They’ve gone too far. By all that’s right and holy, they should be shuffling round a prison yard, shackled by the ankles to a Russian cannibal. But they’re not. They’re everywhere—people whose characteristics read like a thesaurus of cunning: sly, Machiavellian, gerrymandering, duplicitous, crafty, vulpine.

Bullies. Bitches. Bastards.

Unfortunately, you can’t get away from them. They’re in your home, in your workplace, and—God help you—even in your bed. And they didn’t come with a whiff of sulphur and a tail, did they? Bastards!

You’re trapped, doomed, finished—damned to hell in a Hyundai. Hold on: brakes, reverse. There is a solution: pin them down, slit them open and dissect them like frogs in a school lab. Not in a vivisectionist way, obviously, but metaphorically speaking.

So here they are, fully exposed: the Snake Charmer, the Utter Nutter, Beelzeboss, the Wicked Whittler, Foul Weather Friend, Lord of the Manor. And that’s only a handful of the…BBBs.

Beggar me backwards! They’re ridiculous.

The Git-ometer

The following icons will help you rapidly identify your bullies, your bitches and your bastards. (Oh dear—some have even scored a hat-trick.)

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