‘You all right?’ Jim asked, fixing his young striker with a look that told him he expected an answer, and not just the usual grunt or shrug that was sometimes thrown his way whenever he spoke to Ryan Fisher. Yes, he understood that things were complicated, given the kid’s past relationship with Amber, but he was still his boss, and that demanded a certain level of respect, no matter what.
Ryan stopped walking and turned to face Jim, although the manner in which he did so came across as slightly begrudging. ‘I’m fine. Why?’
‘You don’t look fine. You look distracted.’
‘Listen, boss, no disrespect or anything, but we’re not at work now, are we? We’re on a night out…’
Jim moved a step nearer, his face close to Ryan’s as he spoke. ‘Whilst we are here, Ryan, on this island, on this pre-season tour, we’re constantly at work. You got that?’
Ryan just stared at his boss, laughing quietly before walking away, saying nothing. Jim threw his head back and sighed heavily. Shit! That had actually been really unnecessary. Ryan hadn’t been doing anything, he wasn’t causing any trouble, and there’d been no word of his past antics coming back to the forefront during the summer break, when he’d had plenty of chances to relapse. Since his stint in rehab he’d turned into the kind of player every big club in the country dreamed of signing, which is why Jim had given him the captaincy, given him that incentive to stay on track, because, despite everything, he believed in Ryan Fisher. He was one of the game’s brightest stars, a true talent, and nobody wanted to see that go to waste. So why was he starting on him now, for no good reason? What good would that do? Jesus, he had to find Amber.
‘You seen my wife?’ Jim asked Gary as he passed him on his way to the bar.
Gary looked at his manager. ‘Amber? Yeah. She’s out there.’ He indicated the walkway outside. ‘Everything okay, boss?’
‘Everything’s fine, Gary, thank you,’ Jim said, turning and making his way out of the restaurant.
Amber was sitting on the low wall opposite, just staring out ahead of her.
‘Amber?’ Jim waited until she turned her head to look at him, a small smile appearing on her beautiful face. ‘Everything all right, honey? What you doing out here?’
She turned to look out at the beach again, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore the only sound that could be heard, bar the hum of chatter and noise coming from the other restaurants and bars situated along this pretty walkway.
‘I just wanted some air, and yes, I know the restaurant is, to all intents and purposes, outside, but you know what I mean. It’s still a bit claustrophobic over there.’
Jim sat down beside her, reaching out to take her hand. ‘It’s all still taking a bit of getting used to, isn’t it?’
She looked at him, her smile growing wider this time, which in turn made him smile, too. She looked twice as beautiful when she smiled.
‘This time last year I was a single woman, and determined to stay that way. I had a job I loved, my own little house… Things were quite happily ticking along, and now look at me. I’m embarking on a whole new TV career with a major satellite channel, and I’m married to the Premier League’s most high-profile manager. How the hell did that happen, Jim?’
‘Do you regret it?’
She shook her head, suddenly realising that tears were now slowly running down her cheeks and she wiped them away with the back of her hand, quite shocked and surprised to find them there in the first place. What was wrong with her these days? Over emotional had never been something she was known for – quite the opposite, in fact. But hadn’t that only been the case because she’d been holding back, keeping all those feelings under lock and key because she hadn’t wanted to feel them for anyone but Jim? Had it taken until he’d walked back into her life to make her feel human again?
‘No, Jesus! No. I don’t regret it, of course I don’t.’ She reached out to touch his face, and just that one tiny touch was enough to send her stomach on another dip-and-dive session, making her breathless almost. ‘You know how much I love you, Jim. I mean, I had my career, I had my house, I had a life – but I also had nothing, because I didn’t have you. And you were all I ever wanted, you know that. For all those years, you were all I ever wanted. And now I’ve finally got that future I’ve always dreamed of…’ She trailed off, staring out ahead of her again. ‘It’s just a lot to take in sometimes, that’s all. Everything’s happened so fast, and all of a sudden I’m feeling things I didn’t know I could feel, wanting things I never thought I wanted and…’ She left that sentence hanging in the air. Now wasn’t the time to start that conversation.
He reached out and gently touched the side of her face, her cheek resting in the palm of his hand as her eyes met his. ‘I love you so much, Amber Allen. And you have no idea how good it feels to finally be able to say that.’
She smiled, too, looking down for a second, breaking the stare. ‘I used to write that, a lot, when I was at school – Amber Allen. I used to write it over and over, scribbling it down on anything I could find, just to see how it looked.’ Her eyes met his again. ‘How I got through the Sixth Form I don’t know. You were such a bloody distraction.’ Her stomach did another jolt as she remembered how incredibly handsome he’d been back then, in his professional playing days. How young and striking he’d looked. Every girl in her class had fancied him, all of them wanting to be close to her because they knew her dad was best friends with Jim Allen. If only they’d known how close she’d been to their football fantasy. If only they’d known what he’d done to her back then – both physically and emotionally. If only they’d known. ‘And then…’ She stopped talking, looking away briefly. ‘I like it. Being Mrs. Allen, I mean.’ She looked at him again, and for a few seconds she forgot where she was as his mouth lowered down onto hers, kissing her in that beautiful, heart-stopping way that only he could. A slow kiss, a deep kiss, a kiss that sent shivers running right through her and caused those goose bumps to cover her skin, despite the humid night air. ‘Things feel different, Jim. And that scares me. It just… it just feels as if everything is suddenly hitting home – all the changes that have happened, all the things we’ve been through…’
Again, she let that sentence hang in the air, pulling away from him slightly. Jim frowned. What did she mean by that? Things felt different – how? ‘Amber… Do you… do you feel like we rushed into things, is that what you’re trying to say?’
She stood up, facing the beach with its dark, eerie feel, folding her arms against her. She didn’t think they’d rushed into things. How could you rush into something you’d wanted for almost your entire life? But things did feel different. She felt different. The things she wanted now, they were different. And she knew she’d have to talk to him but, not yet. Not here. Now wasn’t the time.
‘Amber? Honey?’
‘I love you, Jim.’ She turned to face him, smiling, and he felt a rush of relief wash over him. ‘And I know you love me, so that’s all that matters in the end. Isn’t it?’
He pulled her against him, his hand firmly in the small of her back, their foreheads touching as he leaned in towards her. ‘Yeah, it is, baby. That’s all that matters.’
Amber snuggled into him, enjoying the feeling of safety and comfort being in his arms brought. He was the love of her life, her world; he was everything she’d ever wanted and she loved him beyond any words. She loved him. As simple as that.
‘This is going to work this time, Jim. Isn’t it?’ she whispered, staring up into his eyes.
He smiled, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, nodding slowly before kissing her gently, not wanting to pull away, she tasted so good, felt so perfect in his arms. Why had he waited so long to come back to her? Why had he done that? But the thing was, he knew why. He knew exactly why. And he only hoped, with all of his heart, that when Amber found out, she’d understand.
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