“Yes, but I mean really together..., er, like man and wife... like we used to?”
“No, I am afraid not, not yet, Willy. For the time being, there is a barrier between us that neither of us can cross, but one day that barrier will come down. I promise you that”.
“You mean when I’m dead?”
“If you want to put it like that, yes, but we don’t like to use that word. It is so full of negative content, don’t you think? ‘Dead’ - there, I’ve said it, but it’s like the ‘N-word’ or the ‘C-word’ is for others. It’s unpleasant, unnecessary and there are better ways of expressing the concept. Do you see what I mean? Do I look dead to you? Is the flesh falling from my bones? Are my eyes hanging out of their sockets? Do I look like a zombie from the Walking Dead?”
“No, you look as beautiful as ever you did”.
“Thank you, and why would I choose to look any other way to my darling husband?”
“I can’t imagine”.
“No, nor can I. So, why do people think that that’s what ghosts do? Really, it is quite beyond me - all of us, in fact”.
“Yes, well, when you put it like that... I shalln’t use that word again”.
“Good, thank you, my dear”.
“So, Sarah, if we can’t do, er, anything together, what can we do? Oh, where are we first?”
“We are in a place that people in this part of the world used to call Annwn. You have heard that name before, haven’t you?”
“Hell, isn’t it? Jesus, I didn’t think that you or I would be going there!”
“No, it is not Hell. When the early Christians heard that we Celts believed that Annwn was under the ground, they tried to convince us that it was the same as their Hell, but it is not true. In fact, Hell doesn’t exist either. As for an exact location, we are under and within the mountains and hills that surround our lovely cottage. However, in a way that is only an illusion too. We could be anywhere we wanted to be. Is that any clearer?”
“As clear as ditch water, my love”.
“I am afraid that it takes some people longer than others to grasp the concept. It is extraordinary how long it takes some, you know. Do you remember the one they called King Henry VIII when he was last on Earth? Well, he’s been here for about four hundred and fifty years, I think - history was never my strong point, as you know. Anyway, he has a Welsh connection so we took him in long before I got here, yet he is still wandering around shouting at people, and ordering them about. ‘I’m the King of England,’ he screams, ‘and I will be obeyed!’ I shouldn’t laugh really, but it is so funny. Most people either ignore him or avoid him, but sometimes someone will bow or curtsey to him just for a laugh. We’ve got a few nutters like him.
“Most people get the gist of things after a while though. Would you like me to show you around later?”
“Yes, Sarah. I would like that. Will I be able to get up and walk around so soon after a heart attack?”
“You did ought to have more rest first, but nobody here would do anything to further endanger your health. Trust me on that”.
“Oh, I trust you, Sarah, I always have. You are the best friend I have ever had, which reminds me. The doctor said that I could see Kiddy later. Is that now?”
“Yes, if you want. You are well enough for her. One second, please”.
Sarah stood up and opened a door that he had not noticed up until that moment. Kiddy bounded in wagging her tail.
“Hello, girl, how are you?” She jumped up onto the bed and lay alongside his body.. William wanted to stroke her head, but could not seem to make his hands do it.
“She has been such a comfort to me, since you, er, passed over”.
“I know, but you were never truly alone for long and after my return to here, there has always been someone with you”.
“I was sure that you were there, but I didn’t feel anyone else”.
“Oh, there were many... your parents, your grandparents on both sides, that girl who fancied you in school - I forget her name now...”
“Gwladys...”
“That’s the one... and many, many more besides”.
“I didn’t notice them, I only had eyes for you, my love”.
“You always were a smooth talker, but thanks for saying it. It still feels nice. We are supposed to try to lose those Earthly pleasures, but everyone agrees that it takes ages…. which reminds me. How on Earth could you allow our lovely home to look and smell like it does? Becky is an absolute saint for taking care of you the way she does. Don’t you realise that she has her own family to take care of? I try not to feel shame and embarrassment any more, but you have managed to make me feel them. I didn’t know what to say when I saw other people like me going to check up on you. Really, William, you must make more of an effort to take good care of yourself! And poor old Kiddy had to live in that mess as well. You should be ashamed of yourself, William, for subjecting your friend to those conditions”.
“I’m sorry, old girl”, he said trying again to stroke her head. “The dog, I mean, not you, Sarah. I just never thought about her minding, or that my friends and relatives would see how I was living. I am ashamed to think of it now though”.
“And so you should be, but don’t dwell on it too much, just live and learn. That’s the name of the game”.
“Does that mean that my parents are here?”
“Yes, somewhere, but I’m not sure where. I can find out though, if you want”.
“No, it’s all right for now, perhaps we can meet them later when we go walkabout”.
“Yes, all right, my dear, I’ll speak to them later”.
“I have just noticed how vital Kiddy looks… she has lost her grey hair. Do I look younger too?”
“It is best if I explain something about looks. Here, in Annwn and places like it, your looks are basically an expression of who you are inside, the real you. Since we don’t have the heavy physical bodies that we once had, we can appear to others how we feel, and we can modify that to some extent through will power, although most of us don’t bother after a while. It is far easier to change the way you think in order to have a beneficial effect on the way you appear than to constantly have to be thinking about moulding your body to how you would like it to look.
“Having said that, those on the Surface remember us in the form we had when we died, which was why you didn’t recognise me for sometime earlier, even though I was calling you by my pet name for you. Do you see what I mean? When I came back to the cottage I had to concentrate on making myself appear old and bent so that you would know who I was and not be afraid.
“Believe me, trying to hold a false image for a sustained period is hard work. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of skill obtained through practice, which is why I said that it is better to change from the inside out. Still, when needs must…”
“Is that why you kept shimmering and disappearing?”
“I wasn’t aware that I was doing that, but yes, probably. It really is very difficult. I would concentrate on holding the image, go to say something and forget about my appearance. At least I won’t have to do that again with you”.
“Sorry, you didn’t answer my question… Do I look young and handsome again?”
“You’ll do for me, my dear, but the short answer is no. You still have your body, and it is old with all that that entails… You know, sagging skin, weak muscles, curved spine, grey hair, drooping fat…”
“Yes, all right I get the picture, and what a handsome one of me it is that you paint too”.
“I’m sorry, but we become used to working on the inner person down here and one of the exercises is telling the truth… and you did ask. I didn’t volunteer it to hurt you, did I? Anyway, your physical body has sort of moulded the real you inside it, and so without liberation from it and without training, you look just the same here as you do up there.
“No, that is not quite true. Here you are not actually carrying your physical body around with you, so you will probably feel lighter, more nimble, more active, and that will make you happier. You will probably feel twenty years younger when we go out for a look around later”.
“That’s something to look forward to anyway… But wait a moment! If I am not dead, er, sorry, if I am still alive, and that’s what you said right?” She nodded. “Where is my body?”
“It’s in hospital”.
