This Naked Mind
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo by Anthology Fine Art
ANNIE GRACE has had a unique life from the very beginning. She grew up in a one-room cabin without running water or electricity in the mountains of Colorado and then, at age twenty-six, became the youngest vice president in a multinational corporation. Success, however, led to excessive drinking and the possibility that she might lose everything. Annie recognized her problem but chose to approach it in an entirely new way. Annie’s program has been featured in Forbes, the New York Daily News, and the Chicago Tribune. Annie is successful, happy, and alcohol-free and lives with her husband and three children in the Colorado mountains.
COPYRIGHT
An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
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London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2018
Copyright © Annie Grace 2018
Annie Grace asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Ebook Edition © December 2017 ISBN: 9780008293444
Version: 2018-04-18
To He Who Is:
Because you loved me before I knew your name and taught me there is always room at the bottom.
Husband:
Thank you for your incredible strength and amazing grace.
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What Readers Are Saying
‘The most selfless and amazing book I have ever read. Thank you, Annie Grace, for your wisdom, intelligence, sense of humor, and love. I do believe you have saved my life. Today my youngest child got her final exam results and the next phase of her life begins. She will not be alone. Thank you, Annie Grace, for this gift.’
– Bernie M., Dublin, Ireland
‘Without sounding too extreme, this book has significantly – and I think permanently – changed me and my attitude toward drinking. I have used Annie’s wisdom and done some things alcohol-free that I would never have thought I could do. I can’t say enough good about it and advise those who are ambivalent about drinking and not drinking to read it. Thanks again, Annie Grace, you’ve given me my life back, seriously.’
– Katy F., Albuquerque, New Mexico
‘As a huge fan of Jason Vale, I was really interested to read This Naked Mind. It was so interesting to read more about the science behind addiction and the unconscious mind. It added a new level to my understanding of why I want to live a sober and happy life! I highly recommend this book to anyone, whether they are interested in cutting down or staying alcohol- free; there are so many practical tips and suggestions. I loved it!’
– Sarah L., London, United Kingdom
‘Genuinely hopeful and realistic philosophy and practice. Thanks, Annie Grace.’
– Louise P., Des Moines, Iowa
‘This Naked Mind has allowed me to view my drinking habits from a new perspective. Now I know the science behind my addictive tendencies, sobriety has become less of a struggle and more of a celebration because I am finally free to live life on my own terms rather than under the control of alcohol. The message in This Naked Mind is truly liberating.’
– Marcus J., London, United Kingdom
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Cover
About the Author
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Praise
Preface
Introduction
1. This Naked Mind: How and Why It Works
2. The Drinker or the Drink? Part 1: The Drinker
3. The Drinker or the Drink? Part 2: The Drink
4. Liminal Point: Is Drinking a Habit?
5. You: Simply Naked
6. Liminal Point: Are We Really Drinking For The Taste
7. You: Polluted
8. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Liquid Courage?
9. Oh S#*%! We’re Stuck
10. Liminal Point: Drinking Helps Me Loosen Up and Have Better Sex
11. A Quest for Sobriety
12. Liminal Point: I Drink to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
13. The Mystery of Spontaneous Sobriety
14. Liminal Point: I Enjoy Drinking; It Makes Me Happy
15. Defining Addiction: Part 1
16. Liminal Point: Is Alcohol Vital to Social Life?
17. Defining Addiction: Part 2
18. Liminal Point: It’s Cultural. I Need to Drink to Fit In
19. The Descent: Why Some Descend Faster Than Others
20. Living a Naked Life in Our Society
21. This Naked Mind
22. The Secret to Happily and Easily Drinking Less
23. The Journey: ‘Relapse’
24. Pay It Forward
Dear Reader
Endnotes
Acknowledgements
About the Publisher
PREFACE
3:33 a.m. I wake up at the same time every night. I briefly wonder if that is supposed to mean something. Probably not, probably just a coincidence. I know what’s coming, and I brace myself. The usual thoughts begin to surface. I try to piece the previous evening together, attempting to count my drinks. I count five glasses of wine, and then the memories grow fuzzy. I know I had a few more, but I’ve now lost count. I wonder how anyone can drink so much. I know I can’t go on like this. I start to worry about my health, beginning the well-trodden road of fear and recrimination: What were you thinking? Don’t you care about anything? Anyone? How will it feel if you end up with cancer? It will serve you right. What about the kids? Can’t you stop for the kids? Or Brian? They love you. There’s no good reason why, but they do. Why are you so weak? So stupid? If I can just make myself see the horror of how far I’ve fallen, maybe I can regain control. Next come the vows, my promises to myself to do things differently tomorrow. To fix this. Promises I never keep.
I’m awake for about an hour. Sometimes I cry. Other times I’m so disgusted that all I feel is anger. Lately I’ve been sneaking into the kitchen and drinking more. Just enough to shut down my brain, fall back asleep, and stop hurting.
These early mornings are the only time I’m honest with myself, admitting I drink too much and need to change. It’s the worst part of my day, and it’s always the same, night after night. The next day it’s as if I have amnesia. I turn back into a generally happy person. I can’t reconcile my misery, so I simply ignore it. If you ask me about drinking I’ll tell you I love it; it relaxes me and makes life fun. In fact, I’ll be shocked if you don’t drink with me. I will wonder, “Why on earth not?” During the day I feel in control. I am successful and busy. The outward signs of how much I drink are practically nonexistent. I am so busy that I don’t leave room for honesty, questioning, and broken promises. The evening comes, the drinking starts, and the cycle continues. I am no longer in control, and the only time I am brave enough to admit it (even to myself) is alone, in the dark, at three in the morning.
The implications of what it could mean are terrifying. What if I have a problem? What if I am an alcoholic? What if I am not normal? Most terrifying, what if I have to give up drinking? I worry that my pride will kill me because I have no intention of labeling myself. I am afraid of the shame and stigma. If my choice is to live a life of misery in diseased abstinence or drink myself to an early grave, I choose the latter. Horrifying but true.
What I know about getting help, I know from my brother who spent time in prison. Prison in the U.S. often involves Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meetings. He says you start every meeting admitting that you are an alcoholic, powerless against alcohol. He says they believe alcoholism is a fatal illness without a cure. And I personally know self-proclaimed alcoholics who, rather than finding peace, fight a daily battle for sobriety. It seems miserable in our culture to be sober. To live a life avoiding temptation. Recovering appears synonymous with accepting life as just OK and adjusting to a new reality of missing out.
The idea of recovering seems to give alcohol more power even, and, maybe especially, when I am abstaining from it. I want freedom. It’s now clear that alcohol is taking more from me than it’s giving. I want to make it small and irrelevant in my life rather than allowing it more power over me. I want change. I have to find another way. And I have.
I now have freedom. I am back in control and have regained my self-respect. I am not locked in a battle for sobriety. I drink as much as I want, whenever I want. The truth is I no longer want to drink. I see now that alcohol is addictive, and I had become addicted. Obvious, right? Not exactly. In fact, in today’s drinking society, it’s not obvious at all. Admitting that alcohol is a dangerous and addictive drug like nicotine, cocaine, or heroin has serious implications. So we confuse ourselves with all sorts of convoluted theories.
I’ve never been happier. I am having more fun than ever. It’s as if I have woken up from the Matrix and realized that alcohol was only dulling my senses and keeping me trapped rather than adding to my life. I know you may find this hard, if not impossible, to believe. That’s OK. But I can give you the same freedom, the same joy, and the same control over alcohol in your life. I can take you on the same journey—a journey of facts, neuroscience, and logic. A journey that empowers you rather than rendering you powerless. A journey that does not involve the pain of deprivation.
I can put you back in control by removing your desire to drink, but be forewarned, getting rid of your desire for alcohol is the easy part. The hard part is going against groupthink, the herd mentality of our alcohol-saturated culture. After all, alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking.
Experts imply that it takes months, even years, of hardship to stop drinking. A tough riddle can make you crazy, taking forever to solve. But if someone gives you the answer, solving the riddle becomes effortless. I hope this book will be the answer you are looking for.
I offer a perspective of education and enlightenment based on common sense and the most recent insights across psychology and neuroscience. A perspective that will empower and delight you, allowing you to forever change your relationship with alcohol. And remember, sometimes what you are searching for is in the journey rather than the destination.
All my best,
Annie Grace
INTRODUCTION
“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea.” —C. JoyBell C.
What if, by reversing years of unconscious conditioning, you could return to the perspective of a non-drinker? Not a recovering (sober) alcoholic but a person with the same desire, need, and craving for alcohol as someone who has never picked up a bottle—a true nondrinker. Well, you can. By the end of this book, you will be free to weigh the pros and cons of drinking and determine alcohol’s role in your life without emotional or illogical cravings. You can remain happy about your choice because it will be yours alone, decided from a place of freedom rather than out of obligation or coercion. Your desire to drink will be gone, so no matter what you choose you won’t feel like you are missing out. You won’t be pining for a drink or avoiding social situations because of temptation. Without desire there exists no temptation. Importantly, you won’t have to label yourself as diseased or powerless.
This book will change your perception by showing you why you drink, both psychologically and neurologically. You may believe you already understand why you drink—to relieve stress, engage socially, or liven up a party. These are your rationalizations for drinking, but you actually drink for subtler and less conscious reasons. Understanding these reasons will put you back in control. It will end your confusion and eliminate your misery. But first, we must undo years—decades—of unconscious conditioning about alcohol.
And don’t beat yourself up for anything you have struggled with in the past (including unsuccessful attempts to quit). It’s counterproductive. There is a powerful misconception that people who can’t control their drinking are weak-willed. In my experience it’s often the strongest, smartest, and most successful people who drink more than they should. Drinking, or wanting to drink, does not make you weak. You may find it hard to believe, but an inability to control how much you drink is not a sign of weakness. So let’s stop any self-loathing right now.
You may find it impossible to believe drinking less won’t involve deprivation. The idea of drinking less fills you, as it did me, with dread. You worry that parties and social occasions will become tedious and difficult to attend. If you drink to relieve stress, the thought of losing the added support you believe alcohol provides can be terrifying. But it’s true. With this approach you can effortlessly drink less and feel happy about it. What a euphoric, life-changing experience! You’ll be excited to go out with friends, even to bars, knowing that not a drop of alcohol will cross your lips.
Does drinking less mean drinking nothing? Do you need to quit forever? That will be up to you. You will make your own decision based on information that empowers you, giving you back control rather than imposing rules on you. We will explore all aspects of the drinking cycle. Don’t worry about making a decision about how much or how often you will drink now. What is important in this moment is that you have hope. You need to know this approach can and will work—that you will be released from the clutches of alcohol.
Maybe you think I don’t grasp your situation, how dependent you’ve become on booze. Perhaps you’ve been drinking heavily for many years, and these claims seem absurd. That’s OK. Skepticism won’t impact the result.
No matter why you picked up this book, you’ll find nothing but great news here. If you read, critically consider, and absorb the information in these pages, you will be inspired to sever or cut back on your relationship with alcohol without feeling deprived. In fact, you’ll be happy, possibly euphoric, about your decision. You will feel in control and empowered to make conscious, logical, fact-based choices about the role alcohol will play in your life. I encourage you to read between one and two chapters a day, progressing with momentum, yet allowing sufficient time to absorb the content.
Don’t change your day-to-day routine, even if it includes drinking. You heard correctly—feel free to continue to drink while reading the book. This may seem counterintuitive, but you will see that it is important to the process. Of course, if you have already stopped drinking there is no reason to start, and I am absolutely not encouraging you to do so. What’s important is that you continue your regular routines so you don’t create stress and foster a sense of deprivation while trying to absorb this information. You will need to focus and critically consider what This Naked Mind presents to you. However, it is important, if possible, to read sober in order to fully grasp the material. And don’t skip ahead. The concepts build on themselves. This book will challenge you, so please be willing to open your mind and question long-held beliefs.
Finally, be hopeful. You are about to accomplish something incredible—regaining control. I know it hasn’t happened yet, but you can be excited about it now. So, throughout the book, do your best to maintain a positive state of mind. Change often occurs when the pain of the current situation becomes so great you become willing to change without fully understanding what the future holds. You probably imagine a life without alcohol as painful, even scary. This perception encourages you to put off change as long as possible. I will show you how altering your drinking habits will not cause pain, but instead allow you to enjoy your life more than you ever thought possible. With this approach, you are not clutching to the proverbial burning platform. You do not have to choose between the lesser of two evils (continuing to drink or living a life of deprivation). Rather, you will make the simple choice between your current state and a bright and exciting future. It’s OK, even encouraged, to allow yourself to feel hopeful. This book contains a revolutionary approach. It will change your life for the better.
1.
THIS NAKED MIND: HOW AND WHY IT WORKS
unconscious: un·con·scious | /әn'känSHәs/ noun.
The part of the mind that a person is not aware of but that is a powerful force in controlling behavior.
conscious: con·scious | /'känSHәs/ adjective.
Aware of something (such as a fact or feeling), knowing that something exists or is happening.
consciousness: con·scious·ness | /'känSHәs-nәss/ noun.
The condition of being conscious
: the quality or state of being aware especially of something within oneself
: the upper level of mental life which the person is aware of as contrasted with unconscious processes.
Definitions sourced from Merriam-Webster’s.
Conscious or Unconscious Thought?
Did you know your unconscious mind is responsible for your desires? Most of us don’t think about the distinction between our conscious and unconscious thoughts, but that distinction forms a vital piece of the alcohol puzzle. Studies confirm we have two separate cognitive (thinking) systems—the conscious and the unconscious.1 The give-and-take between unconscious choices and our rational, conscious goals can help explain the mystifying realities of alcohol.2 We are all fairly familiar with the conscious (or explicit) mind. Conscious learning requires the aware, intellectual grasp of specific knowledge or procedures, which you can memorize and articulate.3 When we want to change something in our lives, we usually start with a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a fully conscious choice in your life. Therefore, when you make a conscious decision to drink less, it’s almost impossible to adhere to that decision because your larger, more powerful unconscious mind missed the memo.
Unconscious learning happens automatically and unintentionally through experiences, observations, conditioning, and practice.4 We’ve been conditioned to believe we enjoy drinking. We think it enhances our social life and relieves boredom and stress. We believe these things below our conscious awareness. This is why, even after we consciously acknowledge that alcohol takes more than it gives, we retain the desire to drink.
The neurological changes that occur in your brain as a result of alcohol compound this unconscious desire. Thad A. Polk, neuroscientist, professor, and author of The Addictive Brain (a 2015 course on the newest science of addiction), says viewing addiction through the eyes of neuroscience allows us to “look beyond the seemingly bizarre behavior of addicts and see what is going on inside their brain.”5 In my early days on this journey, the undermining of my desire to drink less by a strange desire to drink more seemed nothing if not bizarre.
The mind, specifically the unconscious mind, is a powerful force in controlling our behavior. Information suggesting the benefits of alcohol surrounds us, yet we rarely become conscious of it. According to the Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) communication model, we are assaulted with over two million bits of data every second, but we are only consciously aware of seven bits of that information.6 Television, movies, advertising, and social gatherings all influence our beliefs. From childhood we’ve observed, with few exceptions, our parents, friends, and acquaintances appearing to enjoy moderate, “responsible” drinking. These images teach our unconscious minds that alcohol is pleasurable, relaxing, and sophisticated.
Your opinions about alcohol and your desire to drink spring from the lifelong mental conditioning of your unconscious mind. This desire has likely been compounded by specific neurological changes in the brain. The goal of This Naked Mind is to reverse the conditioning in your unconscious mind by educating your conscious mind. By changing your unconscious mind, we eliminate your desire to drink. Without desire, there is no temptation. Without temptation, there is no addiction.
Like most things that have been ingrained in us since childhood, we believe in alcohol without question, like we believe the sky is blue. Through this book, you will think critically about your deeply-held beliefs about alcohol and strip away those that are false. This will convince the all-powerful unconscious mind and allow harmony and agreement between your conscious and unconscious minds.
When the Brain Causes Pain
I cannot overstate the importance of your unconscious mind. I learned this lesson from Dr. John Sarno, a renowned physician who investigates the connection between physical pain and emotions. A Forbes article calls Dr. Sarno “America’s Best Doctor,”7 and his methodology has successfully healed all sorts of people, including controversial radio personality Howard Stern. Sarno coined the term The Mindbody Syndrome, the theory that your mind, below your conscious awareness, rather than any physical injury or ailment, may be responsible for your pain. After the birth of my second son, I experienced crippling back pain. Incapacitated for weeks at a time, I spent thousands of dollars on treatment. I tried chiropractic care, acupuncture, traditional doctors, muscle relaxants, and painkillers. I attended weekly physical therapy, including traction and massage. For three years I was unable to pick up my kids, and no type of treatment helped.
Through Sarno’s work I learned the true source of my affliction, and through reading his book I was cured. I know this is hard to believe. Yet here I sit—I’ve remained pain-free for years. Many thousands of people have been forever cured of chronic pain through Dr. Sarno’s work. There is even a website set up by individuals Dr. Sarno has cured. The purpose? To provide a place for people to write thankyou letters to Dr. Sarno to express their gratitude for giving them their lives back. It’s truly amazing and can be found at thankyoudrsarno.org. Dr. Sarno’s approach of targeting and speaking to your unconscious mind is the same approach I employ for regaining control over alcohol.