Nowadays not every class is told when or why certain school subjects might be needed. That is why it is important for you to do so. Have you and your child find the advantages of learning the subjects and what value your child will get when they apply this new knowledge. In this way they will start to understand why they are doing it. This helps reach attainable goals, for example, doing homework on their own.
It is not uncommon for someone to want their son or daughter to reach a specific goal, without realizing that it is in fact their own goal and not their child’s. For example, wanting them to get up easily in the mornings for school.
I will give an example from one of our students, Tatiana. She talks about how it bothered her that her child could not wake up in the mornings on time.
“My daughter doesn’t want to get out of bed at all! I have to go to her half an hour early, nag her for five minutes to get up, to get dressed. This happens no matter when she goes to bed. We argue every time. I get worried and tell her that she’ll sleep through her entire life and all the important events!” says Tatiana.
In other words, she set goals for her daughter which were very far from her.
After discussing the main principles of goal setting, Tatiana changed her tactic. She broke up her goal (of her child waking up to the alarm clock and getting ready for school on her own) into shorter, easily attainable steps for her and her daughter.
The first step was to get up in the morning from the very beginning. Look at how the goal transformed from “always and immediately” to “one time tomorrow”.
Tatiana then did the following: she bought a lot of small trinkets and sweets ahead of time. When she went to wake up her daughter the next morning she told her, “If you get out of bed right now, you will find a surprise which I’ve prepared for you! I won’t tell you what it is, you should find it yourself.”
Her daughter understood that if she got up right away, made the next step, then she would get a surprise. Her daughter liked it, “Mom, will you wake me up the same way tomorrow?”
They played this game together for a while.
The next goal Tatiana set for herself was for her daughter to get up in the mornings on her own, without having to go to her and wake her up. They agreed that a surprise would be waiting if she woke up to her alarm clock on her own. After two weeks, her daughter learned to do this.
Next, the mother changed her system of encouragement. For the prize, she offed walks together or an event her daughter wanted to attend. They made their way like this to their bigger goal, with small steps which were tangible for her child.
Any goal should be gone after in a similar fashion. Break it down into steps and take your time making them, getting satisfaction from each step. After all, an endless tiring journey with an unknown end is unlikely to lead anywhere.
What you can do to help your child learn
– Set attainable goals which are tangible for your child.
– Break goals down into steps in order to accomplish them. Visualize a “staircase”.
– Use constructive praise and track progress.
Confidence
“Garland” technique. Five ways to boost your child’s self-esteem
Children often loose confidence in themselves when they start school and in the learning process. Parents then face the problem of how to raise their child’s self-esteem.
Children find themselves in an environment of complete evaluation and, consequently, are subjected to being compared not only to themselves but with ideals, standards, and other children.
If something does not work out with a child then he may start to put in half the effort, call themselves names, or avoid any difficulties, become overanxious or unnecessarily emotional, and even cry from not being able to accomplish something.
It can be quite difficult sometimes to help a child gain confidence. However, there is an easy 5-step system which can improve your chid’s self-esteem.
First, though, let’s consider why children get low self-esteem.
Before the frontal lobes and awareness turn on (13—14 years old), children see themselves as individuals through a prism of their surroundings.
If a child is told “you are dense, you are hopeless, you are irresponsible, you are stupid, you are sloppy, you are lazy,” etc., they will start to believe it and become it.
Adults always have an impact on children. If a teacher at school or parents express such judgments towards a child, then it will affect the child’s life and the life of the family as a whole.
There are four ways of raising a child: “you are bad, the world is bad”, “you are bad, the world is good”, “you are good, the world is bad”, “you are good, the world is good”.
Raising a Child with Mindful Communication
Raising a child with the first, second, and third mindset lowers their self-esteem and kills their strive at its root.
Typical phrases of the “you are bad, the world is bad” model are:
– “If you don’t study, no one will hire you.”
– “If you can’t read, you will just become a janitor.”
– “If you don’t write, you won’t even be able to get a passport – they simply won’t give it to you.”
– “If you can’t count, all the stores will rip you off.”
– “If you are illiterate, what will become of you? Life will be very difficult for you.”
– “How long do you have to sit and do those lessons, are you stupid or something?”
– “You read so slow! At this rate, you’ll hardly move on to the next grade.”
Typical phrases of the “you’re good, the world is bad” model are:
– “You confused the syllables? No wonder, look at how it’s written, even adults would struggle with it.”
– “You read unclearly? Well, whoever needs to understand will understand.”
– “Maybe you do it slowly, but at least you do it on your own. Don’t worry, you can listen to stories, how fast you read doesn’t matter.”
– “I’d like to see the authors of the textbooks.”
– “I don’t agree with their methods at all.” (Said in front of the child)
– “Don’t listen to anyone, I know you read better than the rest.”
– “Don’t take it to heart, you’re smart and they are ignorant.”
Typical phrases of the “you’re bad, the world is good” model are:
– “What, you mixed up the syllables again? Dasha read it without any mistakes!”
– “At your age, I could read fast and got all A’s.”
– “Look at you, reading syllable by syllable. Meanwhile, all your classmates are already reading fluently.”
