How to deal with a dragon? This was not the kind of politics she had counted on when she took over the reins of power. You can still negotiate with humans, but not with the dragon! You can’t even settle a dispute with a dragon with a war. He’ll just burn everyone. The whole army! So what do we do?
«What do you say, Counselor?» She squinted at Dandy.
«About what is it?»
«It is about the dragon, of course. That’s our biggest problem right now.»
«Well, you’re the queen. I’m just an advisor, and not an official one at that.»
«But you took me to the mountains, and we woke the dragon there.»
«It would have woken up anyway.»
Dandy sighed.
«How do you know?»
«We all know him well and have studied his lordly ways.»
«What do you mean? And who are all of us? You mean those sparkling pixies who sang in the cave?»
Dandy sighed again. He seemed about to burst into tears. Rosamunda had never seen him like this before. Usually, he was not discouraged.
«What’s the matter with you? Did one of the courtiers offend you? Well, I’ll punish them!»
«The dragon hurt me!» Dandy sobbed. «He took away all my savings. Said it was a tax on life. And he did the same to other magical creatures.»
«Can dragons speak?»
«Yes, they can! And they can breathe fire! They can roast even a magical creature with their breath!»
«They can write letters with fire, too, can’t they?»
«I never received any letters from them,» Dandy said judiciously. «But I have received threats mixed with sparks. I even got burns.»
He unbuttoned his camisole slightly, revealing orange marks like sparks lodged in greenish skin. He’s a freak! But he acts like a trained monkey. And in his camisole he looks like an aristocrat who’s been turned into a miniature monster by some magician. Dandy’s feet are webbed, and his claws are long. The toes themselves are seven or eight on each foot. A spiked tail curls in zigzags.
Yeah, she’s got herself a nice-looking pet. If he were to march into the parade hall behind the queen and kiss the hand of one of her ladies-in-waiting out of politeness, she would faint.
Ladies are afraid of monsters, even miniature ones. But Rosamunda was suddenly drawn to them. Dandy is a real exotic. A helper from a magical world volunteered to serve a mortal queen. She must be special to have such curiosities rushing to serve her. How else to tame a dragon!
Rosamunda’s mind was scattering. A dragon, of course, is not a man. He could not be seduced. He would probably eat or burn a beautiful woman who came close to him. But she needs to seduce him badly. That’s how we can save on military pay. One dragon is worth a whole army. He’s already proven that. When he raids, everyone runs away or burns. If she had such a gentleman, she could scare all the insolent advisors. She can’t get the ministers under control herself, but a dragon would help. They would all fall down at the sight of a queen with the support of a dragon bodyguard!
«Too bad the dragon is not a man!» Rosamunda voiced her thought. «I know how to seduce men, but I don’t know how to lure a dragon.»
«It is on a beauty!» Dandy said cheerfully. «Offer him the most beautiful lady in the kingdom.»
«I’m the most beautiful here.»
«That’s not good!»
«Why? Can the dragon burn me or eat me?»
«He can take you to his domain, and I can’t go there. I’ll stay here, and I’ll have to rule the country in your absence. Of course, being Viceroy is lucrative, but it would take all my meager charms.»
«You can run a country?» Rosamunda couldn’t imagine her snooty ministers obeying such a crumb. Even though Franth is monstrous, he is still a midget.
But when a minister entered the room, the tiny Dandy made passes with his green paws, waved his curled tail, and the minister bowed to him as if he were a real prince.
«Go away!» said Dandy.
The minister apologized and obediently left.
Wow! Rosamunda looked at her pet with unexpected respect.
«You’re a hypnotist?»
«Too bad you can’t fool a dragon that easily,» Dandy muttered to himself without hearing her. «You can’t give him just any girl. He will demand the most beautiful one, and the rejected one he will simply throw off the cliff and send back to us in dismembered form. And the relics will arrive in an expensive box with some charms.»
«I don’t believe it! The dragon will just eat it.»
«Dragons are not as simple as you think, my queen.»
Rosamunda sighed tiredly.
«I thought you were going to leave me yesterday and hide forever in the Underworld,» she said, recalling her quarrel with Dandy in the stables.
«I thought it would be black ingratitude to abandon my queen. You’d be lost without my advice!»
«It is on the contrary. I think either the Underworld didn’t welcome you, or they didn’t have the wine and hors d’oeuvres you’re addicted to, so you’re here again.»
«And you’re happy to see me. I’m not a dragon!» Dandy said slyly.
Why did he find the comparison to a dragon so amusing?
«Give the dragon the most beautiful lady among your maids of honor and see how loyal the dragon is to you? Maybe he’ll mistake her for a queen and be satisfied.»
The casket with the corpse of the maid of honor
«If only there was a magician here!» Rosamunda lamented. «There isn’t one at all!»
«They flee from a kingdom where the ruler is a wizard,» said Dandy, winking slyly as he chewed a peach from the king’s table. «And here is a witch queen.»
«Are you insulting me on purpose?»
«It’s true! Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I would never submit to an ordinary woman.»
«And you don’t obey me!»
