Mind Over Clutter

One day my mum offered to help clean my house and I was offended. Had it really got that bad? It made me realise I was truly debilitated by my illness. I felt so useless, but I know now that a lot of my untidiness was linked to self-worth and I didn’t see myself as deserving of a clean and well-ordered home.

What Elizabeth learned from TGCO is that cleaning and decluttering needn’t be a chore; it can be a pleasure if you approach it in the right way. You can make it more fun by including your family or turning on some music. Elizabeth saw it as her opportunity to catch up on her favourite podcasts and audiobooks and she felt so much better for getting up and moving around. She also valued the support of the TGCO community on social media:

Talking to people online about depression and anxiety has been a lifeline because I tend to isolate myself when I’m feeling low. But scrolling through Nicola’s feed gives me a friendly nudge in the right direction and makes managing my home feel so much more attainable. There’s no unrealistic standard to try to achieve, just moral support and helpful advice.

Elizabeth now looks forward to decluttering:

The biggest thing I learned is that I don’t have to tackle mammoth tasks all at once, and that’s very comforting. I don’t worry about getting the whole house tidy. I just pick a small space and see where it takes me. Doing a little every day is much more powerful for my sanity, as well as my home organisation.

The Power of Decluttering

I’ve witnessed many times the powerful effect that decluttering can have on my clients’ state of mind. When I arrive at people’s homes, they are usually very excited to see me (always a good sign!). Sometimes they tell me that this is the moment when they breathe out and start to relax; the task they’ve been dreading is about to be sorted once and for all.

You see, not everyone likes to declutter and get organised all by themselves. It can be, for some people, sheer drudgery if they don’t enjoy doing it or are too busy to set aside the time. And it can be quite traumatic if people become over-attached to some of their personal possessions and find it hard to let go. I can help to reassure my clients by smiling, taking control of the situation and trying to make the process more fun for them. We will have a chat and a laugh together as we work. I encourage them to tell me what makes them feel relaxed when they’re at home, and then, if they become overwhelmed, I can do something positive to help lighten the mood and take the stress out of what we’re doing. It could be lighting a soothing candle, listening to the radio or a favourite playlist, enjoying some background cooking aromas, or just taking a break from the job in hand and sitting down for a chat with a cup of tea and some biscuits.

It’s not rocket science – really, it’s just about what makes you happy and what transports you to that happy place. And so decluttering becomes a part of your self-care routine and a way of taking care of yourself and your home.

It’s not rocket science. It’s just about what makes you happy and what transports you to that happy place.

Asking for Help

Asking for help can sometimes be embarrassing or even scary. How many times have you said to a friend or relative: ‘Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help’, but you never heard back from them? I guess some people see it as a sign of weakness or they feel insecure allowing someone to do something for them. There’s no denying that we feel stronger and more in control when we fend for ourselves, but it’s important to note that we are even stronger when we work together as a team.

When I started my business, I wasn’t fully aware of the immense and transformative power of decluttering. I knew it worked for me, but I hadn’t seen the wonderful effects on other people’s lives.

One day I received a call from Sarah, who was desperate for my services and couldn’t believe she had found someone who did exactly what she had been looking for. She was extremely emotional on the phone and I remember trying to reassure her and saying, ‘Well done, you’ve just cleared your first hurdle by recognising you’ve got a problem and asking for help.’ I couldn’t wait to lend a hand.

Sarah and her husband both worked for a large law firm in the City of London and every day they both left the house just after 6am and didn’t return until around 9pm. They loved their jobs, but the pressure was high. Sarah became increasingly anxious when the weekends came around and she opened the kitchen cupboards and wardrobes. Along with the bathroom and the living spaces in her house, they were full of stuff and she knew she had to sort it, but the problem seemed so immense and insurmountable that she couldn’t psych herself up to tackle it. It was so overwhelming that it was even starting to affect her relationship with her husband and how she felt about herself. She compared herself unfavourably with some of her work colleagues who were in a similar situation but, unlike her, they just seemed to get on with it and sort out the mess.

Sarah’s main reason for inviting me into her home was that she couldn’t do it all by herself and she needed help. Together, we came up with a plan of which areas were in most urgent need of decluttering and got down to business. To her immense surprise and relief, we had so much fun. While we worked, she played songs by Prince, her favourite artist, and she sang, danced, cried, hugged me and stepped back in amazement – all because she could feel her worries disappearing as a huge weight was lifted off her mind.

This was when I truly realised the huge impact that decluttering can have and it made me excited and motivated to help even more people.

There’s no need to feel guilty or harbour a sense of failure because you’re asking someone else to help you declutter. It’s often much more effective to hand a problem over to someone who isn’t personally involved and can tackle it more dispassionately. It’s all too easy to get sentimental and overemotional when you have to make decisions about ditching your belongings.

Comparing yourself to others is a natural thing to do, especially when things aren’t going your way and if you have friends who appear to take it all in their stride. But you need to remember that we all lose our sh*t at times, and some of us just hide it better than others. As my grandma Lottie always used to say, ‘The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.’ And how right she was! So let’s all do our best not to compare and to embrace what we have. Be happy and never be afraid to ask for help or to offer to help others who need it. Most importantly, always be kind to you.

Getting Started

Of course, you may not need me on hand to get started. You may feel that the time has come for you to roll up your sleeves and have a go yourself. So once you’ve decided to take the plunge, the key is to analyse the problem, figure out a plan and work through it gradually, one task at a time, embracing the process and going about it in an orderly, methodical way.

1 Grab yourself a pad of paper and a pen and begin by writing a to-do list for every room in your home, noting down all the items you’d like to declutter from each one (more about this in Chapter 2).

2 If you feel you need help, ask a family member or a friend. Feeling supported and getting a second opinion is beneficial and makes the whole process much easier.

3 Once you’ve decided on a plan, set aside an hour a day or however long you can spare for decluttering and tick the jobs off your list as you go along, tackling one room at a time.

One step at a time

Don’t try to do too much too soon. If you do, at some point the task will overwhelm you and that could put you off continuing. Starting small is better than not starting at all. So take it a step at a time and celebrate the little ‘wins’ and positives as you go along. Don’t rush it – this is a long-term, lifelong process, not a quick fix or makeover. Decluttering can radically change your life and lead to better, more sustainable habits and a new mindset.

Big challenges can be intimidating, so turn them into measurable goals – say, 30 minutes a day – and you’ll be blown away by how much you can achieve. Start to self-love and self-praise: tell yourself you’re doing your best. Then nothing is impossible.

TGCO Top Tip

Don’t be disheartened if it takes longer than you expected. Remember that even one tick is better than none. Decluttering can take time and there’s no need to rush.

Take Back Control

By using my simple method you’ll soon start to feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction as you take back control of your life and introduce more order into your home. This, in turn, will motivate you to move on to the next task or room and the time you spend decluttering will become a pleasure rather than a chore. My mum always says that it refreshes your home, your mind and your overall wellbeing, and she’s right: you’ll feel much happier living in an environment that isn’t crammed with clutter and items you don’t use. It’s liberating and empowering to purge the stuff you don’t want or need any more. It makes you want to smile and gives you the space to breathe, to be calm and to focus on what’s important for you.

We all have too much stuff, and removing or reducing the number of items that no longer have any purpose and don’t make you happy will give you untold satisfaction. It feels great to be happy with what you have and not feel the need to accumulate. Getting rid of personal belongings can be tricky, especially if they are associated with good memories, but there’s no point hanging on to something just because you ‘might need it some day’. If you haven’t used it or worn it for years or it still has the original labels and tags attached, it’s time to chuck it, even if you feel an attachment to it.

Start to self-love and self-praise: tell yourself you’re doing your best. Then nothing is impossible.

Saving things ‘for best’

How many times have we all used the phrase, ‘save it for best’, whether it’s fancy underwear, expensive shoes, a posh dress or the finest champagne flutes? And how do you know when ‘best’ actually is?

I’ve seen so many items in people’s homes, especially designer handbags, shoes, belts and clothes, that don’t get used or worn on a regular basis because they are being ‘saved for best’. And when I ask my clients what that actually means, their answers usually focus on the items’ cost.

When we’re out shopping for ‘best’ items, we get excited about the whole experience: the location, the styling of the store, the service, the wrapping, handing over the money and the luxurious branded bag. These are all part of the company’s plan to make us feel special and to enjoy our new ‘best’ item. However, once we bring it safely home, it all too often gets stored in a bag on a shelf in our wardrobe. Out of sight and out of mind.

Change this next time you treat yourself to something special: gaze at it and smile … you’ve had a wonderful experience and now it’s time to enjoy your purchase and show it off to the world. Every day should be your ‘best’ day, so use the good stuff you’ve worked hard for; have fun and enjoy wearing or using it to the full. As Kate, one of my clients, put it:

Imagine going shopping in the sales at a huge bargain-basement department store. There’s stuff everywhere, but among all the confusion you find some amazing pieces. And you pick up things that would be perfect for your friends, family and charities – it feels so good to give. Afterwards, you go home, and everything is so calm and all the items you found are so beautiful and just right. You relax, but then you realise that you weren’t charged for any of them. Having TGCO has made me take a fresh look at my home and all my treasures. I don’t miss anything I’ve discarded or given away, and I feel so calm and grateful for everything I have. It’s freed my mind to be creative again.

It’s OK to have a wobbly day

None of us is immune to a wobble – even TGCO has the odd moment. Life is full of highs and lows, but a wobbly day doesn’t mean you’re going down again. On the contrary: it’s just a wobbly day and they happen to us all from time to time – you’re not alone. Talking to someone (close friends and family can be very supportive), shedding a few tears or writing down how you feel can all help (as does my favourite – lemon meringue pie!). But try to keep things in perspective and remember what’s important, and things won’t seem so bad.

Don’t wait for a better today, make today better.

TGCO Top Tip

If you can’t allocate time every day to clean and tidy, don’t worry. Find a decluttering solution that works for you and your daily routine. For example, tackle the small, achievable tasks first before moving on to the more difficult or time-consuming ones. Working in this way, you’ll be able to tick more jobs off your to-do list and you’ll feel really good about yourself and the progress you’re making. You’ll be back in control and you’ll love living in your tidy home.

Talk to a Life Coach

A cluttered life often brings lots of debilitating and negative emotions, including stress, guilt, confusion, shame, anger and self-judgement. It’s disheartening if you feel like this every time you open the fridge, a cupboard or a drawer; or even when you look at your computer desktop or email inbox. We all live such busy lives and our mental load is hard enough to carry without these additional problems. In this chapter, I’ve made some of my own suggestions, but if you feel swamped and need help, talking to a life coach and working with them could make all the difference.

As Mary Meadows, an experienced life coach and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) practitioner, says:

Many of my clients choose to take part in decluttering. Whether they choose to declutter their phones from unused apps or their sock drawer of holey socks, I have yet to coach someone who hasn’t uncluttered part of their life. A recent client shared with me that her sock basket was her nemesis: every morning when she looked inside it and found more pairs of socks needing sorting she thought, I am a bad mother. Every day those words were among the first things that went through her head. Through coaching around this subject, she was able to identify what it was that she needed to do, which patterns of behaviour had to be changed and, ultimately, how to change her perspective on that sock basket. Now she can laugh when it’s mentioned and tells everyone she knows how coaching not only uncluttered her sock basket, but also how she now feels a new sense of confidence, resilience and optimism. It literally changed her life.

Decluttering a small area, whether it’s a cupboard, a drawer or just your handbag, will support your mental health by not only giving you a sense of accomplishment, which is so important, but also creating space inside your head – space to let the good stuff in.

And it really can be a life-changer, as one of my online followers, Jennifer, can testify:

Your Instagram feed has helped me massively, not just to organise my home but also my life. I live with my three children in a two-bedroom flat, which is very hard to keep tidy, but I’ve managed it with your help. It’s so reassuring to know that everything has its place and the children know where to put things. It’s still a work in progress but I’m getting there. Without your tips and ‘before-and-after’ photos I would be living in a very cluttered, messy home.

Remind yourself that it’s OK not to be perfect.

The positive impact of decluttering

Fiona Thomas, mental-health blogger and journalist

In a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2009,2 women who said their homes felt ‘cluttered’ were found to have higher levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) than those who described their homes as ‘restful’ or ‘restorative’. Although cortisol is required for good health, excessive amounts in the body are associated with mood swings and irritability, which puts some people at a higher risk of suffering from depression and anxiety. They are less able to regulate common behaviours like concentration, decision making, judgement and social interaction, and although the link between depression and elevated stress levels is complicated, there is definitely a benefit in trying to reduce stress in order to improve overall wellbeing.

As a mental-health journalist, I encounter hundreds of people, online and offline, who are struggling to deal with depression and anxiety, and one of the universal problems is an inability to deal with an ever-growing list of things to do. Whether it’s paying an overdue utility bill, mailing a letter or renewing a passport, many seem to find these everyday tasks near impossible. I know this is true because I’ve been there myself. I’ve worn dirty clothes for days because I can’t bear to make a dent in a month’s worth of laundry. I’ve shoved piles of unwanted books, shoes and mismatched bikinis under the bed and shamefully snuck under the duvet at two in the afternoon. I’ve let credit-card debt spiral out of control because I can’t bear to pick up the phone to sort out my finances. It’s a well-known fact that depressed people find it difficult to take care of, well, anything. And it’s taken me years to realise that all of this clutter, mental and physical, can be tackled successfully in small steps.

In fact, taking that first tiny step in the right direction can give you the momentum to take the next one, and then the next, until, eventually, balance is restored and, before you know it, you’ll have conquered a mountain of boring tasks, such as cancelling that out-of-date insurance policy and vacuuming behind the sofa.

The positive impact that decluttering can have on our minds should not be underestimated. This doesn’t mean that a well-organised home will lead to infinite happiness, but taking control of your surroundings will most likely help you to feel more in control of life in general. Not only that, but studies have found that people who do simple tasks such as making their bed each morning are 19 per cent more likely to get a good night’s sleep.3 Depression is often the cause of sleep problems, and insomnia can make anxiety substantially more difficult to manage, so let me tell you first-hand that good-quality sleep is one of the simplest ways to address low moods at the onset of anxiety.

However, don’t just take my word for it. I speak to people every day who have found taking control of their clutter has had a tangible impact on their mental wellbeing. For instance, one woman recently told me that tidying for just 10 minutes helped calm her mind and that putting each item back in its rightful home is representative of the mental burden she carries around all day. The act of having clear physical surroundings helps her mind feel just as organised. I’ve also spoken to psychologists who champion the soothing effect of clearing out when it comes to managing the symptoms of mental illness. One told me that the weight of responsibility we feel when we’re overwhelmed is lightened, and it gives us a sense of mastery, action and pleasure which can alleviate the air of hopelessness that often accompanies depression.

Unfortunately, knowing that decluttering has an elusive healing power doesn’t automatically mean that people with depression and anxiety can easily get on board. Feeling sluggish, tearful and unable to get out of bed is hard enough, so the seemingly small act of reaching for a duster can take days or even weeks of self-motivation to put into action. In the same way that exercise, a balanced diet and talking therapy can aid in recovery for mental illness, I can say with confidence that tidying up is just as important.

The great thing about TGCO is that there are no unrealistic standards to live up to. If all you managed to do was take out the bin today, then that’s OK, because small steps lead to more steps and before you know it, you’ll be standing in the light, feeling organised and ready to take on the world.

Starting small is better than not starting at all.

10 ways to . . .

a tidy and calm you

Successful decluttering is all about being relaxed yet organised. If you feel in control and chilled about all the jobs you have to do, the task will not only be much easier, but also more enjoyable. Here are some tips and hints on how to have a tidy house … and mind:

1.

MAKE YOUR BED FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

It’s a small accomplishment, but it will set the tone for the rest of the day. Your bedroom should be your sanctuary and a made bed will make it look put together and tidy. This will help you declutter your space and, in turn, your mind.

2.

PLAN THE WEEK AHEAD EVERY SUNDAY

When you have a plan, you’ll start each day with focus. Planning can reduce stress and will make you more productive. You’ll feel more in control because you won’t have to worry about what is happening tomorrow or the next day.

3.

DO AN INVENTORY OF EVERY ROOM

You should know what you have in your home. While you’re decluttering, make a list of everything important that is left in each room; that way you’ll know when something isn’t where it’s supposed to be.

4.

CHECK YOUR CUPBOARDS AND DRAWERS

It’s so easy to stuff things into a cupboard or drawer and forget about them, but that is how clutter starts to build up. Carve out some time on a regular basis to get rid of anything old, expired or unnecessary and you won’t feel as nervous when you open up that junk drawer.

5.

IF SOMETHING DOESN’T MAKE YOU SMILE, THEN SAY FAREWELL

Surround yourself with things that make you happy. That dress that is two sizes too small and makes you feel bad every time you see it? Not worth keeping.

6.

IF YOU NO LONGER HAVE A USE FOR SOMETHING, DISCARD IT

Raise your hand if you have chargers in your house for items you got rid of years ago … Don’t hoard things that you don’t use regularly or even at all – they just take up space.

7.

PUT EVERYTHING AWAY NEATLY AND TIDILY

Don’t rush. Even though the mess may be overwhelming, you’ll be glad in the long term if you give yourself time and work in an orderly manner.

8.

PLAY SOME RELAXING MUSIC OR A PODCAST

If you dread a task, it helps to incorporate some fun into it, so that it feels less daunting. Dance around the room and act silly while you’re tidying up and it will be over in no time. I love to lip-sync!

9.

REMEMBER THAT ONE TICK ON YOUR TO-DO LIST IS BETTER THAN NONE

Break up your list into easily achievable tasks. There is a great sense of accomplishment when you cross things off, so make sure that you finish at least one thing each day, even if it’s just making your bed.

10.

PLAN YOUR REWARDS AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME ‘ME’ TIME

You can’t take care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself. Make sure you give yourself time to do things that make you happy and incentivise you. For example, reward yourself with a bubble bath after you’ve organised your kitchen.