Prince of Hazel and Oak
‘Lord Conor, instruct your companion to stop attacking me.’
‘Stop attacking him, Brendan.’
He didn’t listen. I once heard that the definition of insanity is when you do the same things over and over but expect different results. Well, Brendan did the same thing and he did get a different result. This time Spideog’s hand parry was accompanied by a kick that dropped Brendan about as quickly as I had been earlier. It ended with Spideog kneeling on Brendan’s back and holding his wrist in what looked like a very painful position. The archer gave me a pleading look.
‘Brendan, are you going to knock it off?’
‘Yes,’ he groaned into the floor.
Spideog let go. I was expecting Brendan to get up furious, instead he came up wide-eyed and said, ‘How did you do that?’
‘Simple,’ greeny said, bouncing on his toes, ‘your attack was sloppy and I – well – I am very good.’
Brendan rubbed his sore shoulder and amazingly smiled. ‘Can you teach me that?’
‘Why, I would be delighted. First stand with your feet in a stance just wider than your shoulders, then—’
‘Ah, excuse me. Remember me, Prince of Duir?’
‘Oh yes, Your Highness. I will teach you as well,’ Spideog said. ‘You obviously need some combat training. Take today for instance. You were standing in an armoury with all manner of weapons and shields and when you came under attack from an arrow, you chose a stick. Who in The Land taught you defence?’
‘My father and Master Dahy,’ I announced defensively.
‘Dahy, of course – sticks and elbows. I’m surprised any of you are still alive.’
‘Now hold on a minute,’ I said, straightening up. ‘I’ll not have you badmouthing Master Dahy. Why, I ought to—’
‘Easy, Conor,’ Brendan said, coming between us. ‘You don’t want to take a swing at him, I tried that, it doesn’t work. Anyway didn’t we come in here for a reason?’
‘Yes,’ I said, giving Spideog one last dirty look. ‘Mom said the Sword of Duir is here.’
‘It is, my lord,’ the green man replied. ‘The Lawnmower is right over there.’
‘What did you call it?’
‘The Lawnmower. Your father had it renamed when he returned it to the armoury.’
Sure enough there she was, in the middle of the weapon racks in a gold-flecked clear crystal case – the family blade. At the base was a silver plaque that read, ‘Lawnmower – the Sword of Duir’. I couldn’t help but laugh.
‘Lawnmower?’ Brendan asked, confused.
‘It’s a long story.’
‘If I may ask, my lord, what is a lawnmower?’
‘What did my father tell you?’
‘Lord Oisin and I do not … eh … chat.’
‘I can’t imagine why not,’ I said sarcastically, ‘but to answer your question, it’s a machine used to keep grass short.’
‘What is wrong with sheep?’
Spideog removed an acorn-shaped gold medallion from around his neck and slid it into a slot at the base of the display. The gold embedded in the glass glowed, a seam appeared in the front panel and then it opened on invisible hinges like tiny church doors. I reached in and grabbed the Sword of Duir. It always surprises me how light and contoured to my hand the Lawnmower is. It felt like an extension of my arm. I once let Araf hold it and was amazed when he complained how uncomfortable the handle was. I mentioned what he said to Dad and he said, ‘It’s a Duir thing – the blade knows a Child of Oak.’
‘OK, now that we are all pals,’ Brendan said, ‘how come you attacked me when I reached for the bow?’
‘I did not attack you,’ Spideog corrected, ‘if I had attacked you, you would be dead. I merely stopped you.’
‘OK, why did you stop me then?’
‘He stopped you, Brendan,’ I answered, ‘because that bow is not yours.’
‘I wasn’t gonna steal it.’
‘Yew wood is special around here,’ I said. ‘Only a master archer can use a yew bow and if you want one you have to get the wood yourself. Only a person who has been deemed worthy by the tree can use that bow.’
‘Deemed worthy by a tree?’
‘It’s complicated, I’ll explain later.’
‘Oh, now I see,’ Spideog exclaimed, ‘you must be the voyager from the Real World.’
‘I am,’ Brendan replied.
‘Ah. I pay little attention to the gossip of the castle but I now remember hearing of you.’ Spideog turned to me. ‘If I may, my lord, all that you say is true but that is not why I fired on the voyager. The reason I stopped him was because he looks uncannily like a Fili.’
‘Why would you attack a Fili?’ I asked.
‘These bows belonged to Maeve’s Druid archers from the Fili war.’
‘Oh my gods,’ I said, ‘these are from the soldiers who were killed when Maeve’s massive Shadowspell backfired.’
‘That is correct.’
‘But why were they not buried with the dead?’
‘Who said they are dead?’
‘Ah – everybody.’
‘I was there, Prince, I saw no bodies.’
‘What?’
‘Everyone presumes the Fili died when Maeve performed her foul witchcraft but I saw no dead. I saw an amber wave, I saw the Fili scream and writhe in pain but then they vanished. Behind them they left their clothes and weapons, in fact all of their earthly possessions – but no bodies.’
‘No body, no murder,’ Brendan mumbled.
‘Gosh,’ I said, ‘where have I heard that before?’
‘Most think I’m mad,’ said Spideog, ‘but I live here in the armoury and guard against their return.’
‘He is a bit mad,’ Mom said later that night when I told her about my adventure in the armoury. (I left out the part where Spideog aimed an arrow at my neck. You know how Mom gets when somebody tries to hurt me.) ‘But there is no better fighter in The Land. He has even bested Dahy. While Cialtie was on the Oak Throne he lived deep in the Yewlands and reportedly waged a pretty effective one-man resistance war against Cialtie’s Banshee patrols.’
‘Apparently Dad doesn’t like him.’
‘Oh, he drives your father crazy. To be honest, that’s one of the things I like best about Spideog,’ Mom said with a mischievous grin that quickly changed into the frown that she seemed to always be wearing these days.
‘And he keeps that armoury so tidy.’
Chapter Nine
Mother Oak
I didn’t see much of Brendan for the next couple of days. He spent almost all of his time in the armoury with Spideog and I spent most of that time sitting with Dad. Mom said maybe he could hear us, so I read him stories from books I found in the library. Even if he couldn’t hear, it was good for me. Many of the tales were about Duir so it helped me bone up on family history and it also improved my ancient Gaelic reading skills. Mom said we were going to be doing a lot of research when we got to the Hazellands.
I read a chronicle of the Fili war. Fand’s mother Maeve really did lose it. She not only decimated much of the Rowan forest but took out a lot of alder trees as well – another reason why the Brownies shun everybody in The Land. I read nursery rhymes about not killing animals because they might be Pookas, not sleeping under alders and a story about a bunch of guys who sailed away from The Land and got old. I even tried to decipher Elven poetry. I needed a dictionary for that.
As I sat by his bed conjugating a verb I started to laugh. ‘Gosh, Pop,’ I said aloud, ‘I probably shouldn’t do this in front of you. The shock of me doing language homework, on my own, could kill you.’ I stared through the amber to see if I could detect the slightest of smiles. I thought I saw something move but maybe that was just the water welling up in my eyes.
When I wasn’t with Dad I spent the rest of my time in my room throwing a knife I found in the armoury. If this knife had once had a gold tip it was now well worn off. Let me tell you, without Dahy’s magic points, these suckers are hard to throw.
Aein came in while I was practising my knife-play. She gave me a dirty look and said, ‘Like father like son,’ then informed me that my mother and her entourage would leave at dawn. I went looking for Brendan to tell him. I found him in the armoury practising archery with Spideog. They already knew – Spideog was heading up the Queen’s guard.
Every time I go on a trip in this place the person who plans it says, ‘We leave at dawn.’ What is it with that? Why doesn’t someone say, ‘Let’s leave ten-ish,’ or ‘Whenever you get up will be fine.’ No. Dawn it always is. And leaving at dawn means just that, so you have to get up at least an hour before dawn! I’m not very good before noon, so getting up before dawn means the majority of my day is useless.
Brendan was awake and ready when I got to his room.
‘You’re late,’ he said.
‘So shoot me. Oh wait, you already tried that.’ I’m not only useless in the morning, I can also be a bit testy.
‘I was going to make my way to the stables by myself but I didn’t want your mother to ju-jitsu me into a wall when she saw me. What did she say when you told her I was coming?’
‘Eh – I haven’t quite told her yet.’
‘Oh great.’
‘You see, my motto is it’s always easier to apologise than it is to ask permission.’
‘That’s a fine philosophy if it’s not you flying butt over noggin in the air.’
‘Fair point,’ I said. ‘I’ll protect you – just don’t touch her.’
‘The thought of you protecting me fills me with so much confidence,’ Brendan said sarcastically. ‘Don’t worry. My hands won’t go near your momma.’
As is usual for these crack-of-dawn riding parties, everyone was pretty much saddled up and ready to go by the time I arrived. Being a royal personage means that most people don’t give me any verbal grief for tardiness but that doesn’t stop the dirty looks.
Mom of course is the exception to that rule. She was just about to chew my head off for being late when she saw Brendan.
‘What is he doing here?’
‘Chill, Mom, he’s with me.’
‘I most certainly will not chill, whatever that means – I will not have him coming with us.’
I took a deep breath and said, ‘I am a prince of Duir and this man is under my protection. He travels with me.’
Mom and I stared into each other’s eyes. I had never stood up to my mother and I was pretty sure pulling a royal card on her wasn’t going to work. We glared at each other for about five seconds – the longest five seconds of my life – before she said, ‘Very well. Hurry up, you have made us late.’
When I started breathing again and my heart rate dropped down to a manageable rhythm, I was addressed by a Leprechaun I remembered from the ruined stables in the Hall of Knowledge.
‘Greetings, Lord Conor. It is good to see you again. When Lady Deirdre told me you needed your horse I was not sure which one she meant, so I saddled both.’
A stable-hand led out two sights for sore eyes. ‘Acorn! Cloud!’ I yelled. I didn’t know which one to hug first and I certainly didn’t want to insult one over the other. A woman scorned is trouble but a jealous horse can pitch you into a ravine. I patted both snouts simultaneously. Since Cloud is the easier ride, I suspected that she was the less sensitive of the two – I gave her to Brendan.
We rode through the courtyard past a small throng of bowers and wavers and up to the main oak gates of Duir. While reading to Dad during the previous few days, I had read that Maeve had promised to reduce them to kindling. That would have been a hell of a trick. The two gates were over two storeys high and almost as wide. When closed they displayed a huge carving of an oak tree. On each leaf of the tree, inlaid in gold, were all the runes of the lands comprising Tir na Nog. The largest rune was the major Oak Rune; next to it was a carving of what was then hanging from my waist – the Lawnmower – the Sword of Duir. As the team of horses pulled open the gates, the depth of these monsters became apparent. The gates were as thick as I was tall. I promised myself that after I woke Dad up I would ask him where they came from.
A small battalion fronted by Spideog and Araf awaited us on the other side of the gates. As we approached they saluted and parted. Araf slipped in next to me.
‘Hey, Imp buddy, I didn’t know you were coming.’
‘A prince of the House of Duir must always travel with a bodyguard. It was one of your father’s first rules.’
‘Do you mean every time I leave home I’m stuck with you?’ I said with a smile. Araf didn’t answer me. He doesn’t usually answer straight questions. There’s no hope he’d answer a rhetorical one.
I promised myself I wouldn’t go on and on like I usually do about how beautiful The Land is, but I just gotta say that fall in The Land is awesome. I’m not using the word ‘awesome’ the way a mall-rat would describe a slush drink; when I say awesome I mean it. The scenery in the Forest of Duir actually inspired awe and not just with Brendan and me. Most of our troop rode with wide eyes and mouths open and the majority of them were probably over a thousand years old. I suspect you could never get tired of this scenery no matter how many times you had seen it.
If you were to hold your hands out in front of you palm up, like you were begging, one of these leaves would cover both of your hands completely. The major colour of the foliage was ‘inferno’ orange. The leaves were almost incandescent and gave off a glow in the sunlight that made all our complexions look like we had been caught in an explosion at a fake-tan factory. The reds and yellows and greens were there to provide dazzling counterpoint. Periodically you would see a bold tree that was solely in red or another just in yellow. The colours were everywhere, even underfoot, gently rustling under our horses’ hooves.
The air, scented with the perfume of fallen leaves, was cool and crisp – you felt like it could almost cut you – and it was crystal clear, like the way the world looks after you clean a pair of dirty sunglasses. I can honestly say I have never experienced a more invigorating morning. Sorry about the gushing – I promise I won’t mention spring.
We rode in silence letting our eyes and sighs do all the talking. About an hour before noon we entered Glen Duir and Mom dropped back to talk to me.
‘Oisin said Mother Oak was asking after you the last time he spoke to her. Would you like to stop for a quick chat?’
‘Yes please,’ I said as an involuntary smile took over my face. I kicked into a gallop with Araf close on my tail. I crested the hill and saw the old lady dressed in her fall best. Her leaves were mostly yellows and light browns like a comfortable patchwork quilt. I dismounted before Acorn came to a stop, ran up to her and wrapped my arms around her trunk.
‘Oh my,’ came that lovely voice in my head, ‘who is this in such a rush?’
‘It’s me, Mother Oak – Conor.’
‘Oh my, my, the Prince of Hazel and Oak; I have been worried about you.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Oh, but your father is not,’ she said, reading my thoughts. ‘Climb up higher and tell me all about it.’
I climbed a bit and she brought branches in behind me to rest against. I told her about what had happened to Dad, and what Mom and Fand had done.
‘Oh, I had feared as much. I knew something was wrong with your father the last time he came to visit with me. But try not to worry yourself too much, my dear, your mother is a very clever witch. If anyone can find a cure it will be her.’
I knew that already but Mother Oak has a way of turning knowledge into belief. I hugged her again.
‘I have to go,’ I said, ‘the others are waiting for me.’
‘Take good care of yourself, Conor. Come and see me in the spring.’
‘I will.’ I started to leave and then added, ‘By the way your foliage looks beautiful.’
‘Do you really think so?’ she asked. ‘The fashion among the other trees these days just seems a bit gaudy to me.’
‘Well, I think you look elegant.’
I hugged her one more time and I know it sounds impossible for a tree but I think she blushed.
I walked over the knoll. It always takes me some time to clear my head after talking to a tree. I saw a small group standing around someone on the ground. As I got closer I saw it was Brendan unconscious on his back.
‘What happened?’ I asked the throng.
‘I don’t know,’ a guard said. ‘Ask him.’
Spideog crested the knoll with a bucket of water in his hand. Ignoring my questions, he poured the whole thing onto Brendan’s face. The detective popped up spluttering, tried to stand and then dropped back down holding his head.
‘Has someone hit me with a stick again?’ Brendan asked.
‘Did you hit him with a stick?’ I asked Spideog.
‘No,’ he said, ‘a rock.’
‘Why?’
‘I would like to have a word with you in private, if I may.’
Spideog and I walked out of earshot and he said, ‘Our friend Brendan was about to shoot a tree with an arrow. I was too far away to stop him so I threw a rock. It was either that or place an arrow in him.’
‘Thank you, Spideog; he didn’t know what he was doing.’
‘I have spent many a year in the Real World, Prince Conor, and I know how mortals treat trees but there are others here who might not be so understanding. Remember he is under your protection. Make sure he does not do it again.’
We walked back. Brendan was on his feet.
‘You have to stop your friends from hitting me in the head with sticks.’
‘It was a rock.’
‘OK,’ he said. ‘You have to stop your friends hitting me with sticks and rocks.’
‘You promised you would keep your hands in your pockets. What were you doing when Spideog threw the rock at you?’
‘Spideog hit me? What for?’
‘What were you doing?’
‘I got bored waiting for you so I notched an arrow and was about to do a bit of archery practice.’
‘And what were you aiming at?’
Brendan pointed to a young oak. His misfired arrow was about ten yards behind it.
‘Come with me,’ I said, grabbing him by the arm and leading him to Mother Oak.
‘Hug that tree,’ I demanded.
‘What?’
‘Hug that tree.’
‘I’m not going to hug a tree.’
‘Hug that tree or I will have you dragged back to Castle Duir in chains and you can stare at Frick and Frack for the next year.’
He looked at me and then tilted his head. ‘You mean it, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘If I didn’t know better, I’d say my mother put you up to this.’
‘Hug!’
Brendan approached the tree and with an if it will make you happy attitude, wrapped his arms around Mother Oak. His smirk disappeared in an instant. I wish I could have heard Mother Oak’s side of the conversation ’cause all I heard from Brendan was ‘Yes, ma’am’ and ‘No, ma’am.’ His conversation finished with, ‘It won’t happen again, ma’am.’ Then he let go of the tree and staggered.
I caught him by the arm. ‘Steady, Detective.’
He tried looking me in the eyes but wasn’t focusing well. ‘I’m still concussed, aren’t I?’
‘I’m pretty sure you’re not.’
‘Yeah,’ he said, regaining his balance, ‘I was afraid of that.’
I waited for him to say something else but he just stood there. Finally I asked, ‘So what did you think of Mother Oak?’
‘That’s a heck of a tree.’
I laughed. ‘That’s what I said when I first met her.’
A group of soldiers had galloped ahead and had started cooking so that dinner was ready to be served almost as soon as we made camp. Other soldiers pitched tents for Mom and me. As I have said I’m not a big fan of the royal treatment I get around here but after a hard day of riding – well, it would be rude of me to complain about a meal and a clean bed.
Brendan wolfed down his supper and then disappeared. I had a silent meal with Araf and then decided to hit the hay in the luxury of my own royal tent. As I approached it I heard a strange noise coming from inside. I unsheathed the Lawnmower and pushed open the flap only to find Brendan snoring in my bed. No amount of shaking and then kicking could get him to move so I grabbed a blanket and slept out under the stars on a lumpy piece of ground next to Araf. I fell asleep thinking of ways to strangle Brendan as he slept.
I was having a dream about Essa talking to an invisible man when I was awoken by a ruckus at the edge of the camp. I saw Mom heading towards the commotion. Araf and I followed. At the perimeter of the paddock we found Mom tending a wounded soldier. Next to him was a dead wolf with an arrow through its chest.
Mom stood up and walked over to the wolf. ‘Who shot the beast?’ she demanded.
‘I did,’ came a response from the shadows. It was Spideog.
‘Explain yourself.’
‘It was a last resort, Lady Deirdre. I arrived as the wolves were harassing the horses. The guards were shooing them away when they attacked. This man went down and lost his banta stick. I only fired when the wolf went for him on the ground. I had no choice.’
Mom looked at the wounded guard, who nodded in agreement. Mom placed her hand on the neck of the wolf and then began to run both her hands over the animal. She paused for what seemed to be the longest time, turning her head from one side to another, and then suddenly reached into her boot and pulled out a knife. She cut a long incision deep into the creature’s abdomen and reached inside. When her bloody hand emerged she held a short wire necklace with a small flat gold disc attached. She held it up and displayed it to Spideog. The look on both of their faces made me feel very afraid.
Chapter Ten
The Athrú
I didn’t get a chance to talk to Mom until we were back on the road the next day. I slid Acorn up next to her and asked, ‘What was that thing you pulled out of the wolf last night? It looked like it really spooked you.’
‘Yes, I was certainly freaked up.’
‘Out.’
‘Damn, I thought I had that one right,’ she said with a smile. ‘No matter. The necklace I pulled out of the wolf was an athrú.’
‘An athrú?’
‘Do you remember the Pooka that died when you were first in the Fililands?’
‘How could I forget.’
‘Do you remember the piece of gold I placed in his mouth before he died?’
‘I do, it scared the hell out of me. You put the disc in his mouth, then he changed into a wolf, howled, died and changed back.’
‘Well, the disc I put in his mouth was his athrú – a Pooka amulet. The Pooka wear them around their necks, it helps them change. The wire it hangs from expands and contracts so it doesn’t fall off during the metamorphosis.’
‘Like Banshee blade wire?’
‘Exactly,’ Mom said. ‘The wolf that Spideog killed had an athrú in its stomach.’
‘That wolf was a Pooka?’
‘No, if it had been a Pooka it would have changed into a man when it died.’
‘So where did the wolf get the amulet?’
‘I can only conclude that that animal ate a Pooka but that just does not make sense.’
‘Why not?’
‘The Pookas are very secretive with their lore but I know a small bit.’
‘You once told me that one of your tutors in the Hazellands was a Pooka.’
‘Well remembered, son; yes, she was. She told me some things she probably should not have. One thing she taught me was that each athrú has a marking for each creature. The athrú I found in the wolf was marked Gearr. It was worn by a Pooka that could change into a hare.’