Lost & Found
‘Mum, you need a mature woman with a bit of experience, not a schoolgirl. If you’re taken bad again, a kid would be useless.’
‘I haven’t employed her as a nurse, Alec. It hasn’t come to that yet.’
‘All right, but when does this girl start?’
‘Tomorrow, but I’m expecting her to call round soon so you’ll meet her before then.’
‘Good, now go and sit down. I’ll finish this lot.’
Edith didn’t argue this time. Her feet felt so painful, as though she was standing on broken glass, and she moved slowly across the room to sit on a fireside chair. She had done too much today, walked too far to see Mrs Jackson, but surely it had been worth it?
With a sigh, Edith closed her eyes, unaware that she had dozed off until the doorbell rang. She saw that Alec had finished washing up, that the dishes were put away, and said tiredly, ‘That’s probably Mavis. Let her in, Alec.’
He nodded and as he left the room, Edith managed to sit up straighter in her chair. She heard voices and soon Alec returned with Mavis behind him. ‘Hello, Mavis.’
‘Hello, Mrs Pugh. My mum told me to come to see you. She said I’m to work for you after school tomorrow.’
‘Yes, that’s right, but do sit down. You look frozen.’
‘Thanks,’ Mavis said, taking the chair at the other side of the hearth.
‘Now then, I expect you want to know what your duties will be. I’m afraid I have rather high standards, and with only an hour each afternoon, I think we’ll concentrate on giving one room a day a thorough clean. How does that sound?’
‘Er … it sounds fine.’
‘Good, and if you have any time left, I’d like you to prepare our dinner. Peel vegetables and such, ready for me to cook. Do you think you could manage that?’
‘I think so.’
Edith was so tired that she was finding it difficult to concentrate. There was something else to discuss, but what was it? Oh, yes. ‘I was going to show you the house, but I’m afraid it will have to wait until tomorrow.’
‘Mother, are you all right?’
When Edith turned to Alec, she saw that his expression showed conflicting emotions. He looked annoyed, probably because she had overtired herself, but also worried. Edith adored her son. As a child she had spoiled him, but he was everything to her and they shared the same tastes in most things. They preferred classical music to modern, loved art and reading. In fact, Alec was the perfect son, so loving and caring, so, with a smile of reassurance, she said, ‘Yes, I’m fine, but would you show Mavis out?’
He nodded, and as Mavis stood up, she said, ‘Thanks, Mrs Pugh. I … l’ll see you tomorrow.’
Edith nodded. ‘Goodbye for now, Mavis.’
As the girl followed Alec out of the room, Edith sagged. She heard the front door close and was about to close her eyes again, when Alec stormed back into the room.
‘Mother, are you out of your mind? It’s bad enough that you’re employing a schoolgirl, but Mavis Jackson! You know how people gossip around here and from what I’ve heard she’s backward.’
‘Don’t be cruel, Alec. Just because Mavis can’t read and write, it doesn’t mean she’s stupid. In fact, I’m sure she’s bright, and perfectly capable of doing domestic work.’
‘If she can’t read at the age of fifteen, there must be something wrong—and from the look of her she isn’t even capable of keeping herself clean.’
Edith’s mind was foggy as she struggled for a persuasive argument. ‘Oh, for goodness sake, not everyone has our standards, and it would be hard to find someone willing to do things my way. Mavis is a nice, amiable girl who I’ll show how to do things correctly from the start.’
‘But …’
‘Please, Alec,’ Edith interrupted, ‘I’m too tired to argue. If Mavis doesn’t work out, I’ll replace her, so please, be satisfied with that.’
‘Oh, very well.’
Edith closed her eyes, hiding her relief. She couldn’t tell Alec the truth—that she was doing this not only for herself, but for him too. At this moment in time, if Alec knew her plans, he’d bolt. Yet one day, when everything she intended to do was in place, her son would thank her. And on this thought, Edith finally drifted off to sleep.
Alec saw that his mother had fallen asleep and, though still annoyed, he looked at her worriedly. Without his father in his life, she was everything to him, but she was getting worse, he was sure of it. Alec looked around the room to see that as usual, everything was immaculate. The rest of the house would be the same. Obsessive, that was the word to describe his mother. She wouldn’t put up with a fleck of dust, an ornament out of place and woe betide him if he left a mess in the bathroom—not that he would of course. Maybe his mother was right, Alec thought as he shifted in his chair. Maybe it would be impossible to find a woman who could work to her standards. But for goodness sake, surely she could do better than Mavis Jackson!
Yet now, as Alec recalled her face, he realised that there was indeed a spark of intelligence in the girl’s eyes. Not only that, underneath the grime, he’d seen that Mavis was quite pretty too, but her dirt-encrusted fingernails had made him shudder with distaste. Like his mother, Alec knew he was fastidious, but as far as he was concerned there was nothing wrong with that. He’d been brought up to appreciate that cleanliness was close to godliness, and though he wasn’t particularly religious, he liked the pleasure of a clean home, clean body, and immaculately laundered clothes. Oh well, Alec thought as he stood up, deciding to take a look at his stamp collection. As his mother said, if Mavis didn’t work out, she’d soon be given her marching orders.
Mavis hurried home, her thoughts on Alec Pugh. She’d seen him around, but knew little about him, and now, after meeting him face to face, she was frowning. Alec Pugh wasn’t very tall and not much to look at, with mousy brown hair and a moustache to match. His manner had made her feel uncomfortable—the way he’d taken her in to see his mother with obvious reluctance. It had been the same when she was shown out. He’d opened the street door, and had almost slammed it behind her without saying a word. He was rude, stuck up, but at least she wouldn’t see much of him, Mavis decided, consoled by the thought. If she was only working for an hour after school, she’d be long gone before Alec Pugh came home from work.
Mavis turned into her street, almost bumping into Tommy and Larry. Her stomach lurched and she immediately lowered her head. If she crossed to the other side, maybe they’d leave her alone, but before Mavis got the chance, Larry stood in front of her.
‘Well, look here, it’s Dumbo.’
‘Leave me alone.’
‘Now there’s no need to be unfriendly. In fact, how about a walk on the common?’
‘No, no,’ Mavis gasped as she tried to step around them.
‘There’s no need to run away. Come on, come with us and we’ll have a bit of fun.’
Mavis frantically shook her head. In her last encounter with the two boys, they had tried to do dirty things to her. She’d been too ashamed and scared to tell her parents, and though she remembered how they threatened her to keep it a secret, Mavis still grasped at the only thing she could think of to scare them off. ‘If you don’t go away, I’ll tell my dad what you did to me.’
Larry’s eyes narrowed into threatening slits. ‘I wouldn’t if I was you, Dumbo, ’cos if you do we’ll only make it worse for you. Ain’t that right, Tommy?’ he added, throwing a quick glance at the boy by his side.
‘Yeah,’ Tommy agreed, but there was a flicker of fear in his eyes. ‘Come on, Larry, let’s go. I don’t fancy the smelly cow anyway.’
‘You’re right, she ain’t much,’ he agreed, leaning forward until he was almost eye to eye with Mavis. ‘Now listen. If you open your mouth, not only will we make it worse for you, we’ll tell your dad that you asked for it, that you led us on. I bet he’d love to hear that his precious daughter’s a tart.’
With that they walked off, but Larry’s voice was loud enough for Mavis to hear his next comment.
‘Don’t worry, Tommy. It’s like I said before, even if she opens her mouth, nobody would believe that thicko over us.’
Mavis hurried off, and on reaching her front door she took a gulp of air before walking into the kitchen, unaware of how pale she looked.
Her father’s gaze was sharp. ‘Mavis, you look like death. What’s the matter?’
She was saved from answering when her mother spoke. ‘What happened? Don’t tell me you blew it and didn’t get the job.’
‘No, no, I got it. I start tomorrow.’
She saw her father frown, then he said, ‘Well, my girl, something’s upset you. Come on, spit it out.’
Mavis hung her head, searching for an answer and, unable to tell the truth, she said, ‘It’s Mrs Pugh’s son. I … I didn’t like him.’
‘Why? What’s wrong with him?’ Lily asked.
‘He … he was funny with me. Stuck up.’
‘Well, that doesn’t surprise me. Like his mother, from what I’ve heard—just ’cos he works in an office, Alec Pugh thinks he’s a cut above the rest of us.’
Once again her father spoke. ‘Are you sure that’s all it is, Mavis? He was just off with you. Is that right?’
With her mind churning, Mavis knew she couldn’t tell her father the truth. He’d go mad, and Larry was right, what if he didn’t believe her side of the story? Had she led them on? Mavis didn’t know. She’d bumped into them on the common, had been pleased that, instead of making fun of her as usual, they’d been friendly. They’d sat on a bench, both boys telling her silly jokes that made her laugh. But then the atmosphere changed, became tense and as though on cue, they fumbled with their trousers. She’d never seen willies before and was horrified when they pulled them out. Larry flaunted his, giggling, and unsure of how to react she had giggled too. Larry had told her to hold his, but suddenly frightened by the intense look in his eyes, she had said no. Larry had pounced then, pulling her from the bench and onto the grass. Tommy at first hesitated, but then joined in, both pushing her back and trying to lift up her skirt. She had screamed, kicked, and it was then the boys saw someone coming. They released her from their grip and she had scrambled away, picking herself up to run home, too sick with shame to tell her mother what had happened. Since that day, four weeks earlier, she had avoided them, went in the other direction if she saw them coming, but she had seen them too late this time.
‘Mavis, I just asked you a question.’
‘Sorry, Dad. Yes, Alec Pugh was just off with me. Like I said, sort of stuck up.’
‘I ain’t having some jumped-up office clerk looking down on my daughter. You can get back round there and tell the woman she can stick her bloody job.’
‘Leave it out, Ron,’ said Lily. ‘She’ll do no such thing. Anyway, I don’t know what all the fuss is about. It’s Edith Pugh she’ll be working for, not her son.’
‘She’s just as bad, ain’t she?’
‘Maybe, but she can teach Mavis a lot and it’s daft to blow the girl’s chances.’
‘Chances! Doing flaming cleaning!’
‘What else is she fit for? If Edith Pugh can teach her to clean without breaking every thing she touches, it could lead to something.’
‘Huh! Like what?’
‘I dunno, but it’s better than learning nothing.’
‘Well, I think it’s up to Mavis. Now, my girl, do you want to take the job or not?’
Once again Mavis hung her head. If her father kept his word and sent five pounds every week, maybe her dream of going to art college was within reach. She daren’t raise the subject yet—not until her mother had seen the painting. In the meantime she was happy to earn a few bob working for Mrs Pugh. ‘I don’t mind, Dad. It’s only for an hour after school.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘You heard the girl, Ron, and, as I said, it could lead to something. Now then, Mavis, get the rest of the stuff out of the pram so I can give it a good look over.’
Mavis went into the yard, still dreaming, still hoping her dad would keep his word. With the money he sent, and if she carried on cleaning for Mrs Pugh when she left school, perhaps every evening and weekend, surely then her mother would be able to afford to let her go to college.
Chapter Five
Lily woke up on Tuesday morning to find that Ron had taken most of the blankets. She shivered, snuggled up to his warm body, aware that this was the last time she’d be able to do this for a long, long time. He stirred, groaned with pleasure as her hand moved down to touch him, and soon Lily was wrapped in his arms, their lovemaking passionate. Lily relished Ron’s touch, his mouth as it devoured hers, and was taken to new heights, her nails raking his back.
When it was over, Ron collapsed by her side, and Lily wondered as she always did why their lovemaking had only resulted in one child—one who was nothing but a disappointment. It didn’t help that her neighbour and so-called friend next door, Kate Truman, had three kids, all normal, one so good at school that she was going on to college.
Kate was always bragging about how clever her Sandra was, and how her younger daughter, Ellie, was also showing signs of passing her eleven plus. Even Kate’s son was doing well as an apprentice plumber, though the boy was so ugly he reminded Lily of a bulldog. Oh, what was the matter with her? It was just sour grapes, Lily knew that, but she was sick of the pitying glances Kate threw at her whenever Mavis was around. And it wasn’t just Kate—others in the street were the same, proud of their kids; whereas Lily knew nothing but shame.
Lily knew that she should love Mavis, had waited for that wonderful moment that other women spoke about when their babies were first put into their arms, but for her there had been nothing. She had looked at her baby and felt nothing! And all these years later, she still didn’t. It added to her shame, made her sharp with Mavis but, unlike Kate, she had nothing to be proud about in her daughter. Was the fault hers? Was there something wrong with her? Did she lack maternal instincts? No, no, if Mavis had been normal, surely she would have grown to love her? Her thoughts making her restless, Lily threw the blankets to one side, but Ron turned to grab her, holding her fast.
‘Don’t get up yet, love.’
‘I’ve got work to do, and if you want to be away by eight, you’d better sort your stuff out.’
‘What’s to sort? I packed my case last night. Come on, let’s make the most of this last morning.’
Unable to resist, Lily turned into his arms again, their lovemaking slower this time. Like her, Ron knew that this would be the last time, his touch tender, caressing, until unable to hold back any longer they became frenzied: so in tune with each other’s bodies that they both climaxed at the same time.
Lily lay for a moment, panting, but knew that like it or not she had to get up. With a swift kiss she pushed Ron off and then clambered out of bed, quickly wrapping her old, fleecy dressing gown around her.
‘Lily, I don’t think I want to go. How about I get another job locally?’
‘Why the sudden change of heart?’
‘It’s you, love. I don’t think I can stand to be away from you for months on end.’
Lily was tempted to agree, but common sense took over. If Ron worked locally he’d be down the dog track as soon as he got his first wage packet and, as usual, she’d be left with hardly a penny. At least if he was working away, and if he stuck to his promise, the future would be rosy. Yes, she’d miss him too—well, she thought, smiling wryly, she’d miss the sex—but it wasn’t forever.
‘Yeah, it’s gonna be rotten,’ she placated, ‘but if you don’t go in with Pete, there’ll be no chance of your own business. Not only that, it’s a bit late now to let him down.’
Ron scratched his head, and then ran a hand around the stubble on his chin. ‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right.’
‘Of course I am. Now come on, get yourself up, and I’ll see what I can rustle up for your breakfast.’
‘A nice bit of bacon would be nice.’
‘Bacon! Leave it out, Ron. I’ve got ration points for four ounces, but no money to buy any. There’s an egg and I’ll fry that with a couple of bits of toast.’ And with that remark Lily left the bedroom to hurry downstairs.
Ron lay back on his pillow, flooded with shame. What was the matter with him? He’d asked for bacon, spoken without thought, and now Lily was going to fry him their last egg. What would that leave for her and Mavis? Sod all!
He’d been a shit of a husband, a shit of a father, but he really was going to change now. Lily deserved better. Mavis deserved better. Thinking about his daughter now, Ron frowned. He didn’t know why Lily was so hard on the girl, and when he got the chance he tried to intervene, yet somehow that only made things worse. Mavis might not be bright, but she was beautiful, with a personality to match, and surely she could do better than domestic work?
Ron dressed before he picked up the bucket to take downstairs to the outside lavatory. He emptied it first then sat down on the wooden seat, shivering with cold. Christ, to have an inside bog would be heaven, and once again he burned with shame. If he didn’t blow his wages every week they could rent a better house, one with a bit of comfort for Lily and Mavis.
Still, he thought, assuaging his guilt. Things were going to change. He’d send Lily five quid a week without fail and she could start looking for somewhere decent to live.
Still shivering, Ron headed for the tiny outhouse where he dashed cold water over his face, then shaved. When he at last entered the warmth of the kitchen, he found Lily had a pot of tea made, and said as he sat at the table, ‘Pete will be here in half an hour.’
Lily poured the tea, only saying, ‘It’s a bit weak. I had to use the same tea leaves again, and there’s no milk.’
‘It’s fine and I hope you haven’t cooked my breakfast.’
‘I was just about to.’
‘No, love, I’m not hungry,’ he lied. ‘We’ll have a bit of breakfast on the way to Bracknell. I’m just sorry I can’t give you any money before I go, but by the end of the week I’ll be able to put something in the post.’
‘Yeah, right,’ Lily drawled.
Ron couldn’t blame her for doubting him; after all, he’d let her down so many times before. Lily had been a diamond for putting up with him, but for some reason, and Ron didn’t know what had brought about the change, he felt as though the scales had been lifted from his eyes. He’d been a bastard, a mug who had made the bookies rich while his wife and child had gone without. No more! From now on he wanted a decent future, for all of them, and by God he’d work like a dog to see that they got it. ‘Lily, I don’t deserve you, but I swear I’m going to make it up to you.’
‘That’d be nice, but was that another pig I just saw flying past the window?’ was her sarcastic reply.
‘You’ll see, but for now, can we talk about Mavis? I won’t be here when she leaves school, but I think she could do something better than cleaning.’
‘Like what? She can’t read or write, so working in a shop is out. Forget a job in a factory too. She wouldn’t be safe around machinery. What does that leave?’
‘I dunno, but there must be something.’
‘Ron, like me, you’ve got to face it. Mavis is slow and when she leaves school she won’t be able to find a job. I know cleaning ain’t much, but it’s better than nothing.’
Ron drank his tea and then stood up, pulling Lily from her chair and into his arms. ‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Christ, love, I’m gonna miss you something rotten.’
Lily was stiff for a moment, but then as always she melted. ‘I’m gonna miss you too. But, Ron, please, don’t let me down. Not this time. I don’t think I can take any more broken promises.’
‘I won’t. In fact, now that I’m going to send you money every week, you could look for another house. Somewhere with an inside lav and even a bathroom.’
‘We’ll see,’ was Lily’s cryptic reply. ‘I’d best get Mavis up.’
Ron tightened his arms momentarily before releasing her, his expression grave as he watched Lily walk to the bottom of the stairs, her shout loud as she called to Mavis. He wouldn’t let her down, but only time would convince Lily of that. In the meantime he was leaving her with nothing. He cursed the race track, the money he’d lost on Friday and vowed never to set foot near the dogs again.
‘Mavis, come on, your dad’s leaving soon,’ Lily yelled.
Ron heard a thump, a door opening and then Mavis was running downstairs. She hesitated for a moment when she saw him, but then ran into his arms.
‘Oh, Dad, please don’t go.’
‘I’ve got to, but don’t worry, the time will fly and I’ll soon be back,’ Ron said. Mavis felt thin and fragile as he hugged her and Ron realised that it had been a long time since he’d held his daughter. As a little girl she had clambered onto his lap, but those occasions became rare as she grew up. He’d shown her so little attention—too little affection—and though the words felt thick in his throat he forced them out, ‘I love you, darling.’
Mavis pulled back, her lovely blue eyes wide as she looked up at him. ‘I … I love you too, Daddy.’
Oh, God, Ron thought, he didn’t deserve her love, or Lily’s. All he had cared about for so many years was his next wage packet, the chance to get down to the dog track, followed by the pub, and by the time he showed his face at home, nine times out of ten Mavis had been in bed. He’d shown no interest in her school work, had accepted it when Lily said that their daughter was backward. In fact, in all honesty, he had dreamed of a son.
Ron looked at Lily over Mavis’s head. They had tried so hard, but surely it wasn’t too late? There was still time, and once he got himself sorted out, maybe they could find out why she hadn’t fallen pregnant again. It would be different this time, he’d be a decent father, a good provider, and when he and Pete made a success of their business, he’d have something to pass on to his son. With money coming in, there’d be no need to worry about Mavis’s future. He’d look after her, see she was provided for, Lily too, his wife able to take it easy at last.
Lily went to answer a knock on the front door, leading Pete into the room. ‘Are you ready, mate?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, I’m ready,’ Ron said, gently moving away from Mavis. He stepped across the room, facing Lily. ‘Right, I’m off, and don’t worry, I’ll get some money to you soon.’
‘Here, Ron,’ Pete said, holding out a crisp white note. ‘Sorry it’s late, but I forgot about that fiver you lent me last week.’
For a moment Ron hesitated. He knew that Pete didn’t owe him any money, but this wasn’t the time to show stubborn pride. If he accepted it, he could leave Lily with something, and once they were earning he’d be able to pay it back. He grinned now. ‘Yeah, well, I didn’t like to remind you, but give it to Lily.’
She frowned, but her fingers closed around it as Pete stuffed the note into her hand. ‘He lent you a fiver?’
‘Yeah, that’s right,’ Pete said offhandedly before turning to Ron. ‘Now then, come on, let’s go or we’ll miss our train.’
Ron swiftly crushed Lily in his arms. ‘Bye, darling.’
‘Bye,’ she whispered, then kissed him fiercely.
He gave Mavis a hug, and then picked up his case, unable to look at his wife and daughter again as he walked out, leaving Mavis with tears streaming down her cheeks.
When Lily heard the door close behind her husband, she stared down at the five-pound note in her hand. She didn’t believe for one minute that Ron had loaned it to Pete. How many times had he bailed Ron out? She’d lost count, but nevertheless she was thankful for his consideration. Oh, why couldn’t Ron be more like Pete? A man who was so steady and reliable that it was a wonder he hadn’t been snapped up years ago. It was his looks, of course, women unable to get past his pugnacious face and baldness; yet if they got to know him, they’d realise that he had a heart of gold. Pete was thirty-eight now, but still a bachelor, and what a shame because he’d make someone a perfect husband. Unlike Ron, she thought, ruefully. Yet from the first time she’d seen him, he’d been the only man for her. Of course, she hadn’t known that he’d turn out to be an addicted gambler, and was mad to stay with him, but when all was said and done, she still loved him.