Welcome to My World

Hey H, are you still up? Fancy a chat? Al ;)

Harri almost ignored it, the lure of her warm bed and favourite Venice book vying for her attention, but Alex had never contacted her so late before and that alone was enough to make her call him.

He sounded tired when he answered, the spark gone from his voice. ‘Mate, I’m sorry for texting so late.’

‘Is everything OK, Al?’

He gave a long sigh. ‘I’m fine, really. I just had my last date with Claudia – you know, the accountant I’ve been seeing for a couple of weeks?’

‘Oh, hon. What happened?’

‘Man, I don’t know. She just isn’t the woman I thought she was. Turns out the only reason she agreed to date me was because she wanted to make her ex jealous.’

‘Ah.’

‘And, apparently, the plan worked. Hence my final date. After all that I just needed to speak to someone normal, you know?’

Harri laughed. ‘Oh, let me guess: the normal person didn’t answer their phone so you had to call me instead?’

‘Yeah, something like that. No, actually, I value your opinion.’

Quite taken aback by this unexpected compliment, Harri took a few moments to respond. ‘Oh – right – er, thanks, Al.’

The ice thus broken on the subject, discussions about Alex’s love life began to pepper their Wednesday night conversations. Harri didn’t mind, really – it was worth it for her armchair adventures traversing the globe.

It was about this time that Alex took the brave step of tackling the thorny subject of Harri’s lack of travel.

‘OK,’ he said one Wednesday night as he passed a bowl of spicy, smoky Hungarian Goulash to Harri. ‘Imagine right now I could give you a plane ticket to anywhere in the world.’

Harri tore a strip of still-warm walnut bread and dipped it in the paprika sauce. ‘Then you’d be a millionaire and I doubt we’d be eating dinner in a tiny flat above a coffee shop.’

Alex pulled a face at her. ‘Seriously, think about it, H: if you could pack a bag right now and just go anywhere, where would you go?’

‘Well, it depends.’

‘Depends on what? Come on, H, you don’t need to plan an entire itinerary before you go. This is make-believe, OK?’

Harri scooped up a spoonful of goulash and blew on it, feeling cornered. ‘I don’t know how I’m supposed to just pick somewhere, Al. It doesn’t work like that.’

‘It does, Harri! I’m talking turn up at the airport – money no object – and choose anywhere in the world. Just like that.’

Harri dropped her spoon with a loud clank. ‘See, that’s so easy for you. Just pack your bags and go, without any thought for who or what you’re leaving behind. I have responsibilities, you know: my job, my cat, Rob . . .’

Alex held his hands up. ‘Whoa, Harri, my good friend, it’s not real.’ He observed her carefully. ‘OK, seeing as you’re so woefully inept at this, let me help you. Let’s go for somewhere not too far away to start off with, like . . . like Italy, for example.’ Harri felt her heart give a little leap and her face must have betrayed this as Alex’s smile broadened. ‘Ah, good, Italy it is, then. How about Rome?’

‘Maybe . . .’

‘Florence?’

‘I’d like to see Rome before Florence.’

Alex clapped his hands, clearly enjoying this new game. ‘OK, good. Now we’re getting somewhere. Er – Milan?’

Harri thought. ‘I’d like to see Rome and Florence before Milan.’

‘Excellent.’ He drummed his fingers on the table. ‘So, we need to find a destination to usurp Rome from the top spot.’ He screwed his eyes up, then opened them wide, snapping his fingers. ‘Aha! Got it! Venice!’

Harri recoiled. ‘No. Not Venice.’

Surprised, Alex leaned back in his chair. ‘Oh? Why not?’ She really didn’t want to be drawn on this, especially as Alex didn’t know about her secret longing to visit the city. ‘Just not, that’s all.’

‘But it’s meant to be beautiful, H.’

‘I know, but . . .’

His eyes narrowed. ‘What’s Venice ever done to you, eh?’

She wriggled uncomfortably in her seat. ‘Nothing. This is getting daft now. Can we change the subject, please?’

But her protestations were in vain. Alex had sensed the story beneath and wasn’t going to let go without a fight. ‘Nah. I want to know why not Venice. Let me guess: you don’t like canals?’

‘No.’

‘You think it’s too touristy?’

‘Of course not.’

‘You have an irrational fear of gondoliers?’

Harri had to laugh at that one. ‘You’re impossible.’

Alex smiled cheekily and took a mouthful of goulash. ‘So tell me, why not Venice?’

There was no point arguing with him when he was in a mood like this. Taking a deep breath, Harri told him the truth. ‘Because I don’t want to go there on my own.’

‘So get Rob to take you.’

She dismissed it. ‘He wouldn’t enjoy it, Al, you know that.’

He leaned closer. ‘So, you do want to go to Venice?’

‘Of course I do! I have so many books on the city that I could probably write a guidebook myself without ever having set foot there.’

He leaned closer. ‘Really? So where’s the first place you’d go when you arrived?’

Feeling her heart skip, Harri closed her eyes and she was there in the city she loved so dearly. ‘Santa Maria della Salute church and the Dorsoduro, where the maskmakers have their shops,’ she breathed. ‘Or anywhere. I’d just step off the vaporetto onto the fondamenta and head off in a random direction, so I could get lost – then have fun finding my way back.’

‘Blimey, you’ve really planned this, haven’t you? So I still don’t get it: if you love a place so much, why not head there first?’

Harri sighed. ‘It’s just that if I’m heading anywhere, like you say, leaving all my responsibilities behind, then that means I’m travelling alone, right?’

His expression clouded over. ‘Er, yes, but . . .’

She stared at him. ‘So why would I want to go to one of the most romantic cities on earth on my own? Venice should be somewhere you are taken to, by someone who loves you.’

‘I see. And if the person you love doesn’t want to take you there?’

Her heart sinking, she shrugged. ‘Now can we change the subject, please?’

Alex agreed, but sadness filled his eyes as he watched her eating.

Two years since their first Wednesday evening – and countless whirlwind romances, acrimonious break-ups and midnight heart-to-hearts later – Harri was well versed in the Alex Brannan Rollercoaster of Life.

A week after his mother’s Big Idea, Harri found herself rudely awakened by what sounded like a herd of frantic buffalo charging her front door. Struggling to focus, she grabbed her alarm clock and juggled it up to her eyes until its bouncing red numbers calmed down enough to make sense: 2.47 a.m.

Muttering murderously under her breath, she snapped on the bedside lamp (half blinding herself in the process), wrestled the duvet away from her legs and half ran, half fell down the stairs towards the unrelenting hammering of fists at the door.

‘OK, OK, I’m here,’ she grumbled, fumbling at the chain and wrenching the door open. ‘What do you want?’

The sight of the sodden, sorry figure on her doorstep stopped her anger in its tracks as torrential rain blew into the hallway, lashing her legs. ‘Alex? For heaven’s sake, it’s nearly three o’clock.’

‘I’m sorry. I just – I didn’t know where else to go . . .’

‘Whatever, just come in.’

Harri turned and strode through into her tiny living room, turning on lamps as she went and cursing as she stubbed her toe on a pile of books in the dim light. Alex followed behind, his soaked jeans and sweater leaving a trail of muddy water in his wake. Wincing as the kitchen strip light blazed into life, Harri filled the kettle and noisily pulled out two mugs from the cupboard overhead, throwing haphazard spoonfuls of coffee into each one. She let out a sigh and rubbed her sleep-filled eyes with clumsy fingers. For a moment the only sounds in the kitchen were the low buzz from the strip light and the hiss of water boiling. Then, Alex spoke from the doorway.

‘I’m sorry, mate.’

‘Al – look, it’s OK, just – just let me wake up for a minute, yeah?’

He sniffed and splodged over to the sink, twisting his sweater sleeve to release a thin stream of water. The pathetic sight made Harri laugh and Alex did the same, shaking his head as rain dripped off his brow.

‘Loser,’ she smirked, throwing a tea towel at him.

‘Thanks,’ he grinned, catching the towel and rubbing his hair with it.

Coffee made, they returned to the living room. Harri found an old T-shirt of Rob’s (several sizes too small for Alex) and spread a towel on the sofa so he could sit down. With much protesting, Alex surrendered his sweater and T-shirt to the tumble dryer, peeled off his socks to hang them over the radiator and rolled up the legs of his jeans, before donning the too-small T-shirt.

‘I look like a dancer in an Elton John video,’ he whined, flopping down on the sofa. ‘I’m going through a traumatic twist in my love life and you add insult to injury by making me wear this.’

‘Consider it your penance for waking me up at this ungodly hour.’

‘Fair enough.’

Harri sipped her coffee. ‘So what happened?’

Alex’s expression darkened and he stared at his bare feet. ‘Ellie.’

‘Who?’

‘You haven’t met her. She works for one of those citizen journalism websites, writing restaurant reviews.’

Harri stared at him blankly. ‘Right . . .’

Alex rubbed distractedly at his hair with the tea towel and avoided eye contact. ‘She wanted to review Wātea – you know, do an article on us – so I agreed. We’ve been meeting up for the past two weeks and it’s been . . . amazing. Like when you just immediately connect with someone on so many levels, you know?’

‘Um . . .’

‘Work with me, Harri. I’m trying to set the scene.’

‘Al, it’s a miracle I’m awake at this hour. I don’t do emotional empathy before the birds wake up.’

‘Duly noted. Anyway, she came over late last Thursday and we had a meal. Then she tells me the whole interview thing was a ruse to get closer to me. She said she’d been watching me for ages and all she wanted was to be with me.’

Harri shook her head. ‘Oh Al . . .’

‘Seriously, though, what was I supposed to do? I mean, here’s this – this beautiful woman, declaring her love for me . . . Well, one thing led to another and – let me just tell you – the sex was—’

‘Thank you, I get the picture.’

Alex’s grin was mischief personified. ‘Sorry, mate. Damn fine, though.’

‘So what went wrong?’

His expression clouded and his eyes dropped to the floor again. ‘She called me last night and told me she couldn’t see me any more. Just like that. Yet she’s been with me every night this week and I wasn’t aware of any problems. Every night, in my bed and then . . .’

Making a valiant effort to erase the unwanted mental image from her mind, Harri reached over and squeezed his arm. ‘I’m guessing you went to see her.’

He nodded. ‘I had to. I mean, I had to know. I arrived at her house and the lights were on downstairs, so I went to the door but, just as I got there, I saw them through the window. Her and some random guy—’ He broke off, ran a hand through his damp hair and stared at the ceiling.

‘Oh, Al . . .’

‘I wouldn’t mind so much if she’d just been honest, you know? Just wheeled out the old “it’s been great fun but that’s all it was” speech. But the stuff she was saying to me – even a few days ago – about me being the one she’d been looking for, about all the places we could go together . . . Why would she say all that if she had no intention of seeing it through?’

‘Hun, some people just say things to get what they want.’

‘Yeah, I know, but I thought she was different.’

‘Evidently, she wasn’t.’

Alex raised his head and looked straight into Harri’s eyes. ‘It’s always the same. Why can’t I find someone right?’

Watching her friend in the midst of dating agony, Harri thanked her lucky stars that she was so happy with Rob. Dating hadn’t been a priority in her life when they met – in fact, it had come as somewhat of a surprise when she found herself falling for him. How much better to have it happen that way than to endure the constant rollercoaster of hope and disappointment! Knowing that Rob loved her, and feeling the warmth of her complete trust in him was wonderful and she wouldn’t swap places with Alex for anything.

‘Just chalk it up to experience and be more careful next time,’ she smiled, wrapping her arms around Alex as his face crumpled again.

‘I can’t do this any more,’ he moaned against her shoulder. ‘Help me, Harri, help me to find someone. I’m done looking for them. I’m officially rubbish. I need help.’

Viv’s Big Idea appeared in her mind, sparkling like a Las Vegas sign. Harri knew she was going to regret what she said next, but she couldn’t let Alex go through this again. So, squeezing his shoulders, she said: ‘OK, Al. I’ll help you.’

Chapter Four

Recycle Your Man

Harri can’t think straight: too many voices competing for attention inside her weary mind. She looks down at her shoes – new and probably too expensive for her, bought especially for tonight – even though until the very last minute she wasn’t even certain she was coming to the party at all. They are gorgeous – and they were meant to make her feel special, which they do – or did, at least until about an hour ago. Sixty quid for a pair of purple high heels – more than she’d ever spent before. How times change . . .

‘That photographer bloke you like’s got a new book out,’ Rob said one Saturday morning as they were browsing the bookshelves in Bennett’s Pre-Loved Books in Innersley, the market town that lay five miles from Stone Yardley. Rob and Harri had spent most of the weekends of their relationship here, mooching about the farmers’ market, enjoying coffee at Harlequin Café or wandering round the various antique shops dotted along the main street, but since Rob’s promotion last year to Sales Team Leader in the specialist hydraulics firm where he worked, he had been working away most weekends – so this occasion was a notable exception.

‘I know, but it’s forty quid,’ Harri sighed. ‘I can’t justify that cost for a book. Even if it is Dan Beagle.’

Rob wrapped an arm around her shoulders. ‘I know it’s tough right now, but if I make good on the Preston job things’ll start to look brighter.’

Harri slipped her arm round Rob’s waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. ‘Reckon we can scrape enough change together for a coffee?’

Rob kissed the top of her head. ‘I think we can manage that. You go and grab a table and I’ll buy the drinks.’

Harri walked to the side of the bookshop where a few small tables were nestled between the bookcases. Choosing one near the large window that looked out onto Innersley’s Sheep Street, she sat down. The bookshop had a unique scent – dust, old leather, ink and coffee – and no matter how many times she came here, she was always bowled over by it. Watching the sun streaming through the window in swirling dusty splendour, she drank in the moment. It was days like this that she loved the most – just her and Rob, whiling away the lazy hours together.

As if he knew what she was thinking, Rob appeared, his figure cutting through the rays of sunlight as he walked towards her carrying a tray.

‘Nigel took pity on us,’ he grinned as he sat down. ‘He said he needed help finishing off these muffins, so I volunteered our services.’

‘Excellent. Good old Nigel.’ As Harri took a bite of raspberry and white chocolate muffin, Rob slid a green and white striped paper bag towards her.

‘And this is for you.’

Surprised, Harri stared at it. ‘You haven’t been spending money on me again, have you?’

Rob’s eyes were full of sparkle. ‘Might have. Open it and find out.’

Harri reached inside the bag and gasped. ‘Dan’s book! But – that’s so much money, hon – you can’t afford it.’

‘Yes, I can. You’ve had your heart set on this book for months, so I wanted you to have it. No arguments, OK? If Tierney, Gratton and Parr want me to work all hours to win their precious Preston contract then I think the very least they can do is fund your travel book collection.’

Harri hugged the book to her chest. ‘Thank you so much!’

‘Ah, here they are!’ boomed a deep voice as Nigel Bennett, owner of the bookshop, appeared by their table. Though it had been many years since he retired from the RSC in Stratford-upon-Avon, his theatrical Shakespearean delivery was still impressive – every word correctly enunciated and every ‘r’ rolled. ‘Our semi-resident young lovers! How good to see the two of you – Lucien and I had all but given you up for lost.’ He reached down and lovingly patted a doe-eyed chocolate Labrador by his side. ‘Shall we imprison young Robert here to save him from Preston’s clutches, Harriet?’

Harri smiled. ‘Maybe we should. Thanks for the muffins – they’re wonderful.’

Nigel flushed with pride and proffered a flourishing bow. ‘My pleasure, dear lady. I shall leave you lovebirds to enjoy your Saturday. Adieu!’

Rob watched him go. ‘Got to love Nigel.’

‘Absolutely. It is great to have you all to myself this weekend, though,’ Harri admitted.

‘Yes, it is. Hey, I don’t like working away all the time, you know.’

‘I know.’

‘But it’s for us, Red, honestly. If I can land the Preston contract then it means we can start to think about – you know – the future and stuff.’

The sun streamed through the window of the bookshop in swirling dusty splendour as Harri leaned against her boyfriend. It was days like these that she longed for – where anything was possible and they were together. If only Rob’s company would grant him more free weekends . . .

In the past few months, Rob’s mentions of ‘the future’ had become noticeably more frequent, fuelling Harri’s hope that maybe he was leading up to formalising their commitment. He had occasionally alluded to them moving in together, but what Harri really wanted was for them to get married.

Truth be told, while Harri’s regular attendance at Stone Yardley’s parish church contributed to this decision, the main reason for her resistance to cohabiting was that she wanted to be proposed to. Old-fashioned it may be, but Harri maintained her hope that Rob would actually want to marry her. And despite the passage of seven years without any such monumental happening, Harri’s hope remained. After all, Rob loved her and he was working hard to provide for their future. Therefore it was only a matter of time before he proposed. Wasn’t it?

When Harri first met Rob, at a charity football match organised by Merv, Viv’s on-off gentleman friend, she had been completely bowled over by him. And, it seemed, the feeling was mutual.

Rob had been talked into joining the football team by his boss at work and, hoping for a promotion, he agreed. His case was greatly helped by the fact that he was pretty nifty on the pitch, scoring three textbook goals against a team of weedy solicitors from several local law firms. Athletically built and fast on his feet, Rob ran rings around their defence and Harri couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was perfect: his chestnut-brown spiky hair, hazel eyes and olive complexion, coupled with a smile that could melt chocolate, made for a killer combin ation. Harri couldn’t help thinking he looked like Frank Lampard – the reason she had watched several televised matches, even though she possessed very little interest in the beautiful game itself. When Merv called him over to meet Harri, Rob Southwood had looked at her like all his birthdays had arrived at once.

‘A redhead, eh?’ he had smiled. ‘I’ve heard they’re trouble.’

‘Well, you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.’

‘Oh, really? Then I wouldn’t mind dispelling the myth with you sometime.’

‘That sounds like fun,’ Harri had replied. ‘So how about this evening over a drink?’

‘Perfect.’

So they arranged to meet, Harri hardly believing her good fortune at securing a date with the handsome stranger. Drinks had quickly become dinner, which turned into a lively, animated discussion at his house late into the night. When Harri finally stood to leave, Rob escorted her to the door, opened it and then surprised her by placing an arm across the doorway.

‘You’re amazing, Harri. I have to see you again.’

‘I’d like that, Rob.’

Then he’d pulled her into his arms and kissed her in a way that made her toes tingle.

In the weeks and months that followed, Harri and Rob were practically inseparable. They spent every weekend together, exploring the local countryside, heading off on day trips to Cheltenham, Worcester or Oxford, walking, cycling or just sitting in coffee shops, talking for hours. Rob fascinated her – with his knowledge of nature and his endless opinions on just about everything. It became a kind of a never-ending game that Harri played, bringing up new topics to see how quickly he could form a viewpoint on them. Rob loved that she loved it too; he would answer her with a wry smile, his cheeks flushing slightly at her wholehearted interest in what he said. She still loved their discussions, but his workload had significantly lessened the times when they were possible. While her love for Rob burned as brightly as ever, she could feel a dark resentment at his growing obsession with work bubbling within her. Since the Preston contract had loomed large in their lives, their time together seemed to be dictated by the company that employed him, as it demanded more and more of Rob’s time.

Of Harri’s friends, Viv was the most vocal about Rob’s job.

‘Ooh, that man,’ she glowered, when Harri went to visit her a few days later, slamming a large bone-china teapot onto a cast-iron stand in the middle of the large pine table in her kitchen to emphasise her disgust. ‘If he put half the time he spends at that job into considering you, then you’d be married by now.’

Fearing for the teapot’s safety, Harri reached across the table and gently rescued it from Viv’s vice-like grip. ‘I’ll pour, shall I?’ She was beginning to wish she’d never mentioned how much Rob’s absence was upsetting her.

Viv grimaced, clearly rattled. ‘Sorry. That poor teapot – it’s a wonder it’s still here.’

‘Maybe we should get it some counselling,’ Harri said, pouring tea into two china mugs.

‘Do they do counselling for inanimate objects?’

‘Maybe they should.’

‘If they do then we can book your boyfriend in,’ Viv replied with a wicked smirk. ‘He’s about as inanimate as you can get when it comes to proposing to you.’

‘Viv, that’s not fair. Rob is a fantastic boyfriend and he’s working really hard for us. It isn’t his fault he has to be away so often. I just miss him, that’s all. And as for him proposing, well, I think that might be closer than we think. He bought me Dan’s book the other day – that’s the third present in a fortnight – and he keeps talking about “the future”. I honestly think he might say something, once this horrible Preston stuff is over. Anyway, the way things are at the moment, he’s fortunate to have a job at all, so I really shouldn’t be complaining.’

Viv’s expression softened and she patted Harri’s hand. ‘Oh, my darling girl, I only worry because I want you to be happy. It’s what your mum would have wanted too . . .’

It was time to change the subject, as Harri was feeling decidedly queasy. ‘So – I sent the letter.’

‘Which one?’

‘To Juste Moi. About Alex.’

Viv’s eyes lit up. ‘And?’

‘I haven’t heard anything yet.’

‘Does Alex know?’

Hmm, interesting question. Alex knew that Harri was going to help him find somebody – he just didn’t know how she was planning to do it. ‘I’ll tell him if they choose to feature him.’