The Broken Man

Another reluctant nod.

‘Well, then, I’ve been thinking. Maybe your mum, like my dear wife, could never be made better on this earth. But up there, in God’s Heaven, she doesn’t feel pain any more; she’s comfortable and at peace, and though you will always miss her, she’ll be watching over you. She will never leave you.’

Deeply moved by Phil’s gentle words, the surgeon cautiously approached Adam. ‘I’m so very sorry. I know how hard it must be. I can promise you, we did everything humanly possible for your mother, but her injuries were many and her heart was not strong enough to carry her through.’

Adam looked up, his eyes marbled with grief. He began to sob, and soon it was an avalanche of grief. The devastating loss of his mother and the all-consuming hatred for the man who hurt her could no longer be contained.

In a trembling voice, he murmured, ‘One day, when I’m bigger, he’ll pay for what he did.’

‘Who will, Adam?’ Mr Hendon probed for the truth. ‘Do you want to tell us about this person … the one who must “pay for what he did”? Adam, can you tell me who you mean?’

Adam looked away. The surgeon’s words were a timely caution to him, for he knew he must never tell. Not because he didn’t want to, but because his mother had made him promise not to.

Just then the door opened and a nurse entered. After she had imparted her message to the surgeon, he politely excused himself. ‘I’m afraid I’ll have to leave you for a while, but please wait here. Someone will be along in a moment to have a word with you.’

They watched him leave.

‘Phil?’ Adam’s voice trembled.

‘Yes, son?’

‘When the person comes, will they let me see my mum?’ He felt as though his world had fallen apart. It was a strange and frightening feeling. ‘I have to tell her something.’

Phil knew that feeling, and he saw it in the boy’s face now. ‘Adam, listen to me.’

‘No! I don’t want to.’ Tearful, Adam turned away.

Phil persevered. ‘Think about what you’re asking, son. I know how much you want to see her, but it isn’t right for you just now. Later, when everything is in order, I’m sure you can see your mother … if you are still of the same mind.’

‘Please, Phil, I need to see my mum!’

Phil tried gently to dissuade him. ‘I do understand, but do you really think your mother would want you to see her now? Or do you think she’d rather you remembered your last conversation with her, when she was still able to tell you how much she loved you? Don’t you think she would feel your sadness, if you were to see her now?’

Phil’s wise words reached home. After what seemed an age, the boy took a long, deep breath and tried to be the man his mum would want him to be. ‘Is my mum really safe now, Phil?’ He needed reassurance.

Phil promised him that she was safe.

Adam accepted what Phil had told him, though he found it incredibly difficult to believe that he would never again see his mother, never again hear her voice. Never again hear her laugh, nor run with her across the fields. In his heart he could see her beautiful smile, and that funny way she had of wrinkling her nose when she laughed out loud.

Suddenly the awful truth began to sink in, and the enormity of it all was too much for him to bear.

In a voice that was almost inaudible, he whispered to Phil, ‘I’m really sad.’ Winding his arms round Phil’s wide waist, he confessed brokenly, ‘I don’t know what to do.’

‘Aw, son, we can none of us do anything, because when the Good Lord calls us home, we have to go.’ Phil held the boy tight to him. ‘But you’re not on your own, son, because I’m here for you. If I’m able, I will always be here for you.’

Thankful that he had Phil, the boy confided in a whisper, ‘Phil, I don’t know if she heard me promise. I need her to know that I made the promise.’

Choking back his emotion, Phil told him, ‘Don’t you worry about that, because she heard it all right – I heard it too – but y’know, son, sometimes we make promises and then, later, we regret them. You might need to think about that particular promise, the one you made to your mother. Maybe you won’t want to think about it just yet. But maybe later, when you’re not so very sad.’

Adam was resolute. ‘If Mum had not made me promise, I would have told them everything … about how he hurt her, time after time, hitting her and making her cry. I hate him for what he did, but she didn’t want me to tell. Why did she not want me to tell?’

Phil measured his words carefully. ‘Because she loved you so much, she did not want you to do something that might hurt you in the long run. I believe that was why she asked you to make that promise.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I think she wanted you not to tell, because if you told, then you would have so many awkward questions to answer. It would be a nasty business, with you caught up in it.’

Leaning forward, Phil placed his hands either side of Adam’s face. ‘All you need to know is that your mother loved you, and that no one will ever be able to hurt her again.’

Looking into Phil’s kind, weathered face, Adam saw such honesty.

‘Phil?’

‘Yes, son?’

‘She’s died, hasn’t she?’

‘Yes, son.’

‘Has she gone to the same place as your wife?’

‘Yes, I’m sure she has.’

‘Will they be friends?’

‘I would like to think so.’

‘But I’d rather my mum could be here with me, because then, when I get older, I could keep her safe always.’

‘Ah, but that’s not your job, son, because now she’s in the safest place of all. Your mum was an angel on earth, but angels belong in Heaven. She’ll be well looked after there.’

‘I want her back, Phil. I miss her … I really miss her.’ Suddenly the full truth had hit home. He could no longer be brave; and his grief was overwhelming. Hiding himself in Phil’s musty old coat, he sobbed as though his heart would break.

Holding him close, Phil took him to the couch, where he sat beside him, holding him until he sobbed himself to sleep.

A short time later, Matron arrived. On seeing the boy asleep on the couch, she went out and returned with a fleecy blanket, which she handed to Phil.

She watched him wrap it around Adam before quietly informing him, ‘I’m afraid we have to discuss official matters.’ She beckoned Phil to the other side of the room, lowering her voice as she told him, ‘I am led to understand that you are not the grandfather after all. Is that true?’

Knowing he must, Phil told her his name and the whole story: how he had dropped Adam from the school bus and walked home with him down the lane; how he was on his way back to his bus when he heard the boy shouting. ‘In a shocking state, he was, finding his mother like that, and his father running off like a spineless coward. I don’t know if it was the father who hurt her, but Adam seems convinced of it.’

‘So, why did you not inform us of these circumstances right away?’

‘I gave as much information as I could, but it was your staff who chose to believe I was his grandfather, and besides, there were more urgent matters to deal with at the time, as you well know.’

‘Well, I’m sorry, but since we have become aware of the truth, I’m afraid it was our duty to call in the authorities.’

‘What authorities?’ Phil recalled the officials in the office, and all his fears returned. ‘Look, Matron, I make no apologies for letting you believe that I was his grandfather, because as far as I’m aware, he’s got no one else.’

‘I see.’ As a woman, Matron was deeply sympathetic, but duty was her priority, along with the boy’s welfare.

She explained, ‘In the light of what we now know, this is a very serious situation. The boy’s mother has died under suspicious circumstances, and the father has run away. Moreover, we are led to understand there are no close relatives at hand to take care of the boy.’

‘I’ll take care of him then. At least until the in-laws can be found.’

‘I’m sorry, but I don’t think that will be an option.’

‘So, what will happen to him?’

‘That’s for the authorities to decide.’

Before he could answer, she left with the parting words, ‘You do seem to have his interests at heart, and he obviously trusts you. If you could please continue to keep an eye on him, I’ll be back presently.’

When she had gone, Phil paced the floor. This is a sorry state of affairs and no mistake, he thought, walking over to where Adam was sleeping. I can’t imagine what might happen to you now, son. He gazed down on the boy and he shook his head in despair. No family to speak of, and no one but me to stand by you.

He understood the gravity of the situation. Unless Adam’s father was found there was little hope of getting the child home. Possibly not even then.

Physically and emotionally exhausted, he sat down in a chair, laid himself back and closed his weary eyes.

Some few minutes later the nurse arrived with two other people.

Phil clambered out of the chair, one eye shut and the other on the boy. He still clung to the hope that, one way or another, he might yet be able to take the boy home.

‘These people need to speak with you,’ the nurse advised him. Having waved the visitors forward, she went to sit by Adam. When in his sleep he occasionally whimpered in distress, she tenderly lulled him quiet again.

Phil had been greatly unnerved at the sight of the two very officious-looking people standing before him. The woman was middle-aged, dressed in a dark two-piece. The man was older, serious-looking, smart in light grey jacket and black trousers. He also carried a document case. They were the people Phil had seen in the office earlier.

The woman introduced herself and her colleague: ‘My name is Miss Benson, and this is Mr Norman. We’re here on behalf of Child Welfare and Social Services.’ Her gaze shifted to Adam.

Phil had already guessed at their reason for being there, and he expected the worst. ‘Child Welfare, eh? And may I ask, what it is you want from us?’

‘I understand you are Phil Wallis?’

‘That’s right.’

‘You accompanied Adam and his mother, yes?’

‘I did.’

‘Well, Mr Wallis, first, I apologise for all the questions.’ She paused to glance at the sleeping boy. ‘Please be assured, we’re not here to cause distress at this unhappy time, but having been made aware of some rather unsettling issues, we’re duty-bound to examine the facts.’

Phil was already on the defensive. ‘Well then, I’ll explain the “facts” to you, shall I?’ He pointed to Adam. ‘That poor child there has just lost his mother in the cruellest way imaginable. His father’s run off and the boy thinks the world has come to an end. I would not describe that as being an “unhappy time”. I would call that catastrophic, wouldn’t you?’

‘Well, yes, of course. As you say … but as I’ve explained, we have a job to do, and in view of the notification we received, we will first need to clarify the details of your relationship with the boy.’ Without waiting for Phil to respond, Miss Benson plucked a black notepad from her document case.

After quickly scanning her own notes, she had a number of questions, which she put to Phil in a quiet manner, being acutely aware that Adam could wake at any moment. ‘If you could again confirm that you are Phil Wallis, and that you are no relation to Adam Carter.’

‘That’s right.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she seemed genuinely so, ‘but I need you, please, to go through what happened.’

Phil was irritated. ‘Why can’t you let me get him home and we can answer your questions there?’ He lowered his voice to an angry whisper. ‘What good will it do Adam, sitting here just yards from where his mother lies dead? For pity’s sake, let me get him home. I can assure you, neither me nor the boy is about to leave the country!’

‘I understand your anxiety, Mr Wallis. Believe me, we also have Adam’s best interests at heart. So, if you could, please, quickly run through the events that brought you and Adam here …? Once we know exactly what the situation is, we can then decide which course of action to take.’

Phil had no doubt about what she meant. These were official people, and he appreciated that their specific task was to protect children from harm. If they decided Adam needed taking into care, temporarily or otherwise, there would be nothing that he or anyone else could do to stop them. Especially considering not only the seriousness of events, but the fact that he himself was neither a relative nor even a long-term friend. He was merely the driver of the school bus; in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Miss Benson now casually informed him, ‘Oh, and incidentally, because of the information we received, the police have been notified. I understand, they are on their way as we speak.’

Her serious-faced companion, Mr Norman, now took a step forward. ‘Of course, the father will obviously need to answer to the police. Adam, however, will initially come under our jurisdiction.’ Gesturing to a nearby chair, he suggested, ‘Maybe you would care to sit down, while we take you through the procedure?’

Phil flatly refused to sit down. ‘Ask your questions.’

‘Firstly, as we’ve already established that you are not Adam Carter’s grandfather, can you please explain how you came to be here, with the boy?’

Phil explained, ‘I drive the school bus and have done these many years. I had already dropped all the other children off, and as Adam was the last, I decided to walk him up the lane to his house. When we got to the gate, I saw the man I assumed to be his father; he came rushing out of the house, and stood on the porch. I greeted him cordially, but he made no reply.’

He paused before confiding, ‘It didn’t bother me that the boy’s father chose to ignore me; he’s got a reputation of being a miserable sod, to say the least. Anyway, thinking the boy would be safe enough with his father, I took my leave of them.’ He relived the scene in his mind.

‘Please, go on.’

‘Well, I was on my way back down the lane, when I heard Mr Carter yelling at Adam. Then all of a sudden this car sped past me. Seeing as it was the very same car that was parked in the drive, I thought it must be Adam’s father. Whoever it was, they must have taken leave of their senses, tearing down that narrow lane like a bat out of hell! Splashed mud all over my trousers, so he did, damned lunatic!’

‘What did you do then?’

‘Well, what else could I do but go back and find out why the boy was now calling. I found him in the lane – crying and shaking he was – and then I went back to the house with him and saw his mother, all broken and twisted at the bottom of the stairs. By, she was in a terrible way; she needed help, and quick. So, I did what needed doing: I sent Adam to call for an ambulance, while I sat and talked to his mother. I didn’t even know if she could hear me, but I was hoping she could. That’s what they say, isn’t it – talk to them, just in case they can hear you?’

‘So then what? Did the father come back?’

‘No! We saw neither hide nor hair of him. It wasn’t long before the ambulance arrived. They tended the mother and put her in the ambulance. Me and the boy jumped in alongside. And now we’re here, and that poor boy has lost his mother. And there you have it.’

‘Thank you. So now we’ll need to discuss the implications of what you’ve told us.’

‘What will happen to Adam?’ Phil asked anxiously.

Miss Benson’s reply was curt: ‘We’ll be back shortly, and inform you of any decisions made with regard to Adam.’

No sooner were they gone than the door opened to admit two police officers – a woman and her male colleague – who were interested to learn what exactly Phil might know about Adam’s father. Concerned that they were not of the same quiet disposition as the Child Welfare officials, Phil inched them over to the furthest side of the room. ‘I don’t want Adam to hear us talking,’ he explained, and they fully appreciated his concern.

Over the next ten minutes or so, Phil impatiently answered all their questions; most of which he had already gone through with Miss Benson and Mr Norman.

The officers were sympathetic, but they questioned Phil about various aspects of his account. ‘First, the medical staff were led to believe that you were the boy’s grandfather. How did that come about?’

As before, Phil answered truthfully. ‘First of all, I can assure you that at no time did I give the impression that I was his grandfather. They just assumed that I was, and because of what was going on I didn’t bother to put them right. Mind you, I wish to God I was his grandfather, because then I might have some say in what happens to him.’ He told them that he was the driver of the school bus, and had fallen into a situation that no one with any compassion could have run away from.

The questions were thick and fast: ‘How did you come to be here now, with Adam Carter? How much do you know about the manner in which Mrs Carter’s injuries were caused?’

‘I don’t know any more than I’ve already explained,’ Phil told them. ‘I was on my way back to my bus, when the boy called for me to help him. I neither heard nor saw anything of what took place up to that point.’

‘All right, so could you just go through it again, say what you do know, and explain how you got involved? Don’t leave any detail out, however small and insignificant it might seem to you.’

Quickly, Phil went through it all again: about how he had dropped the boy off and walked him down the lane to his house. ‘Like I told the others, his father was with him when I left, so I told the boy cheerio and went on my way.’

‘And then what?’

‘Well, I heard this man’s voice. He sounded angry … screeching and yelling, he was. I assumed it must be the father as I’d seen no one else about, and the Carters’ house was the only one down that lane. Then the same car I’d seen in the drive went skidding past me and onto the main road like a damned lunatic!’

Uneasy that the woman police constable was making entries in her notebook, he reluctantly continued, ‘No sooner was the car out of sight than I heard Adam yelling my name, pleading for me to help him … in a right state he was, poor little devil. I ran back to him and when we got into the house I was shocked at what I saw there.’

He described finding Peggy Carter, as before. ‘I’ve no idea what went on in that house, but if you ask me, nobody falls down the stairs and ends up as damaged as that poor woman.’

He was not surprised to see the two officers exchange glances, because he suspected they must be thinking the very same as himself.

Having explained the run of events, he glanced over at the boy. ‘No child should ever see his mother like that, and now she’s gone, and he’s like a lost soul. I gave him my word that I would not let him down.’

‘When you “gave him your word”, what do you mean exactly?’ the male police officer asked.

Phil hesitated. What use was his word anyway, now that Child Welfare had got involved? But then, he must have been crazy if he had ever believed it could be any other way.

‘I meant that he was not to worry about anything, because I would look after him. So now I’d like to get the boy home as quickly as possible. It’s not right for him to be here just now, especially after what’s happened. He needs looking after. As far as I can tell, I’m the only one he’s got.’

The male officer was sympathetic, but having dealt with deserted children for many years, he was also realistic. ‘I’m afraid it isn’t as simple as that.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Phil’s concern was heightened by his remark, even though he was sensible enough to know that what he proposed would never be allowed.

The officer spelled it out. ‘As you’re well aware, the boy’s mother has just died, and as far as we can tell, his father has abandoned him. Then there’s the question of how Mrs Carter actually received her injuries. There are still far too many questions left unanswered. As for the boy, he is not altogether your concern. You must understand, it’s our duty to see that he is kept safe until every effort is made to locate any relatives there might be.’

‘Yes, of course I understand that, but he’s a very frightened child, without anyone close to turn to. The thing is, he knows and trusts me. I’m offering to keep him safe, at my home, or if it helps matters I’ll stay with him at his house. Either way, he’ll be taken care of, and, more importantly, by someone who’s known him these past many years; since he was old enough to attend school.’

‘I’m afraid this is not an option, Mr Wallis. When a child appears to be in danger, for whatever reason, we have a legal responsibility to examine those circumstances and take whatever steps we have to take in the best interests of that child. From information received, we consider Adam’s situation to be highly sensitive; therefore needing an immediate response. As you have already explained, you are not a relative. That being the case, Adam’s welfare is a matter for the Child Welfare Department.’

He concluded, ‘Under the circumstances, there is no question of allowing the boy to return home. As I understand it, the case has now moved into the realms of a possible murder inquiry. So, until the investigation is concluded with regard to Mrs Carter’s fatal injuries, the family home will be cordoned off and kept secure. As for relatives, you can be assured that the search is already underway. Meantime, as I’ve already explained, the boy’s safekeeping remains the responsibility of the courts, and the Child Welfare Department.’

‘Yes, and that’s what I’m worried about.’ Phil spoke his mind. ‘I’m worried that they’ll put him in the children’s home, and if his father doesn’t come back, what’ll happen to him then, eh? Like as not he’ll be fostered out, and how many foster parents would choose a deeply troubled seven-year-old in preference to a younger child? Not many, in my opinion!’

‘Have you any idea where the father might have gone?’ the woman police officer asked.

‘I’ve no idea at all. How could I?’

‘So, you wouldn’t know if Mr Carter ever intended coming back?’

‘I haven’t a clue.’

When the official questions were over, Phil had a few questions of his own, such as what would happen with Mrs Carter now, and when might they be able to make plans to move her. ‘When can we begin making arrangements for her to be laid to her rest?’

Again, the answers to all of his questions were negative and unsettling. And he was grateful that Adam had remained asleep; unaware of what was being said.

Following an agonising wait, Phil was informed by the Child Welfare officers that, after discussing the case, they had reached the only decision available to them in the circumstances.

Peggy Carter’s son would be taken into care until it was established whether or not he had relatives who might want to apply for custody.

Heartbroken, Phil asked if he might be the one to relay the news to Adam. Being sympathetic to the boy’s plight, and having already realised the bond between these two, the officials agreed. So, while the officers remained by the door, Phil woke Adam up.

Seated beside Adam, Phil choked back his own emotion as he explained how everyone was concerned that they should do the right thing by him, and therefore every effort was being taken to locate his father, and track down any other of his relatives.

‘Meantime, son, you must go with the people whose responsibility it is to keep you safe and well.’

Nervously, Adam looked across at the two Child Welfare people. For what seemed an age he did not speak. Then he looked back at Phil and, in a small, quivering voice he asked, ‘Are they waiting to take me away now?’

Trying hard not to show his sorrow, Phil took a moment to reply, and even then was able only to nod, for fear of letting his emotions run away with him.

Then they looked at each other a long while, and the boy fell into Phil’s chubby arms. Holding onto him as though his own life depended on it, he confided tearfully, ‘I don’t want to go with them, Phil. I want to go with you.’