Something Old, Something New

I stand before the mirror and check out the end result. Not bad. Could be worse. My hair is clean and shiny and a rich chocolate truffle brown – I have the semi-permanent hair dye that was in the bathroom cabinet to thank for the colour. It could do with a cut but to disguise the fact that my layers are in dire need of a trim, I created some soft waves with my straighteners. It now looks gently tousled, though I have no doubt that the waves will drop and it will hang lankly by the end of the night. My brown eyes look darker because I have smudged them with black kohl eyeliner and applied some of the mascara that was lurking at the bottom of my make-up bag. I did hesitate before using it; after all, I’ve read that you can develop eye infections from cosmetics that have been open for a while, but I decided to risk it.

It’s been a while since I donned heels, so I hobble across the landing and tap at Janis’ door. We’ve had a peaceful afternoon as Dex picked Henry and Anabelle up at four. They were going to the cinema to see the new fairy tale movie, so I was glad to hand them over as they were both getting more and more wound up by the minute.

‘Come in!’

I enter and jump as she gasps. ‘Wow, Mum! I’m not sure I should let you out looking like that. You’re… so…’

Panic fills my chest. Oh no, I’ve overdone it. ‘Should I wash my face?’ I ask my seventeen-year-old daughter. ‘Is it too much?’

Shouldn’t this be the other way around?

‘No! Definitely not! I was about to say that you look amazing, Mum.’

‘Pah!’ I wave my hand and smile then lean over and give her a hug. ‘Thanks love. I know I don’t but at least I’m clean and well cared for.’

She giggles and hugs me back. ‘Mum, you don’t realise how attractive you are.’

I shake my head. ‘Will you be okay tonight? I’ve left money in the kitchen in case you want a pizza and there’s plenty of food in the fridge.’

‘I know, Mum and w… I’ll be fine, I promise.’

I smile at her, my chest filling with pride. She’s beautiful, intelligent and so grown-up. Before I know it, she’ll be moving out, getting married and having kids of her own. The thought brings an ache to my chest and I blink hard.

‘Hey Mum, now stop it or you’ll have to redo your make-up. Hang on!’ She jumps up from her bed where she’s been working on her laptop and goes to her dressing table. She returns with a pretty dragonfly shaped diamante slide. She slips it into the side of my hair, fluffs my fringe, then stands back and smiles. ‘There. Perfect.’

I check out my reflection and have to agree. It does add some sparkle.

‘Mum, I need the loo but I’m waiting for a call. Could you hang on for five minutes?’

I nod and Janis hurries off to the bathroom. The moment she’s gone, her laptop suddenly makes a noise and I approach it cautiously to see that her father is calling on Skype. I press the accept button and Evan pops up in front of me.

‘Annie?’ He peers at me. I frown in return.

‘Of course it’s me, Evan.’ I see myself in the bottom corner of the screen and cringe.

‘Hey Annie, how’re you doing?’ His white linen shirt sets off his golden skin. He has that endearing air of innocence mixed with a wicked twinkle in his eye. His smile lights up his face and something funny happens. My stomach gives a little flip, just like it used to all those years ago when I was an undergraduate. I attribute it to my nervous state. ‘You look amazing. Are you going out?’ A frown flickers across his clear brow but it’s gone as quickly as it appeared.

‘Yes, with Cassie. She persuaded me to have a night on the tiles.’ For some strange reason I don’t want to tell him that it’s a double date.

‘She’s got a date!’ Janis announces as she plops onto the bed next to me.

‘Janis!’ I shake my head.

‘What?’ She nudges me. ‘She has, Dad. That’s why she’s all dressed up.’

I shrug, irritated by my daughter’s comments. I’m almost hurt by her flippancy about the subject and I instantly long for the comfort of my pyjamas and a night in front of the TV. I feel embarrassed, as if I’m doing something wrong.

‘Well, have a great time, Annie.’

‘Thanks. You too.’

‘I’m not going anywhere this evening,’ he says, staring right at me, his blue-green eyes like full pools after a rainstorm. I spent hours gazing into those eyes. Even now, it’s as though he can see right down to the bottom of my heart. I shake myself. Silly musings about my ex are not conducive to a successful double date with another man.

‘I bet you are. Probably got a date or two lined up.’ I try to sound light-hearted, not wanting anyone to misread my feelings here.

‘Yeah, Dad!’ Janis snorts. ‘You international jetsetter. Probably got an air stewardess or hotel manager lined up in every city.’ My baby girl! Laughing about her father’s sex life as if he’s a school chum.

‘Janis! Don’t speak to your father like that.’

She eyes me sideways and I shake my head. It’s not on to be disrespectful, not even if it’s true. Joking is one thing but it can go too far.

‘Sorry, Dad,’ she says then smiles goofily at me.

‘I really don’t have women lined up in every city you know, girls.’ Evan’s expression is deadly serious.

‘Dad, we’ve seen the photographs in the tabloids. All those beautiful models and celebrities at those swanky events you attend. The one you were at last month for that blockbuster you helped with the CGI for looked incredible! I’d love to come with you some time.’

Janis’ comment about the beautiful women stings, even though she’s teasing him. I have seen those pictures, the ones of big events that appear on the tabloid websites and are attended by the rich and famous. Even though we started off together as children of working class parents, who went to university then had a child together, our lives are so very different now. Seeing him with those women is strange, I can’t deny it. My throat tightens as I realise that it’s probably because he’s moved on while I’ve stayed basically the same, trapped in some kind of emotional stasis. I tried to escape it with Dex but I failed. I do need to move on myself.

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