This Summer
“I think you should just do whatever the hell you want to do,” Lily says. “Screw Carter and screw Will. Not literally of course.” I laugh. “Let’s just do whatever we want this summer. No regrets. I’ll find some boys to help tide you over until college. Let’s have the best summer we can before you disappear from my life for four months at a time.”
I turn to her, but her gaze is focused on the ground in front of us. Her step-mom insisted that Lily pay her own way through college, even though her step-brothers came out of school debt-free. She made plans to take a year off to get money together before applying.
“Promise?”
I nod. “Yeah. I promise.”
“I can’t hear you!” she yells.
I tilt my head back and shout, “YES!”
“Ready?” she says.
I nod. “One, two—”
Lily jumps from the swing first before I can finish the countdown. “Hey!” I say, following her. I land on the sand and my knees buckle. I lurch forward, slamming my hands into the gritty sand.
Lily is mid-cackle rolling around on the ground. “Oh my God. Ow!”
“You cheated,” I say through tears, unable to breathe through my fit. I look around us. “And I still won.”
“I see my record hasn’t been broken,” Will says.
Lily’s laugh cuts off.
I look up at Will. Both hands are in his pockets as he balances on the separator around the perimeter of the swing set. He’s grinning at the ground where his foot hovers over a deep scratch in the wood. When I was ten and him twelve, he got the farthest jump we’d ever seen. From then on we always tried to beat it, but he did have the longest legs out of all of us.
I help Lily up from the ground and walk toward him, my heart hammering in my chest. “You’re right.” I tap the scratch we made with his father’s pocket knife with the toe of my shoe.
His eyes scan the park. “It’s nice to know a part of me will always be here.”
Lily clears her throat. “So, Will. How long are you planning to stick around this time?”
My eyes bulge from their sockets as I try to shut her up.
But he isn’t fazed. “I’d hate to leave Hadley high and dry.” Lily snorts but he ignores her. “Your dad needed someone for the summer and that’s what I plan to do.”
“And after that?” she prods.
He shrugs, fixing his eyes on mine. The sun reflects the flecks of gold and blue in his hazel irises. “Back to the ranch.”
Lily’s lips pucker in a see-he’s-leaving-anyway-so-let’s-enjoy-ourselves look.
Will points his thumb at the parking lot. “Hadley, can I take you home?”
I lick my suddenly dry lips. “I came with Lily.”
Will looks over my shoulder at Lily. “It’s on the way,” he presses.
“Ethan—” I say.
“He already left with Daisy.”
I bite my lip, hard, attempting to wake up from this strange dream. I turn to Lily and raise my eyebrows. She narrows her eyes at Will but shrugs. “It’s up to you.”
The awkwardness between us has to fade away or else the summer is going to be longer than necessary. Maybe it’s about time I get over Will Carson for good so I can finally move on with my life.
“Okay,” I agree.
***
The warm afternoon air blows my hair over my shoulders. I pull it away from my hot skin as the three of us head to the parking lot. We’ve fallen into an awkward silence, something I’m terrible at breaking. Lily squeezes my arm as we arrive at her car. “Text me,” she says and turns on her heel.
“Good seeing you too,” Will calls.
Lily waves her hand but doesn’t turn around.
Will chuckles and reaches over to open the passenger side door. I climb in. “Thanks.” He rounds the front of the truck and for a moment I watch him. I never thought Will could get any hotter, but Texas had seriously been good to him. I tug the hem of my shorts as he slides into the driver’s seat. I lean back, noticing a suitcase in the bed of the truck. “Did you just come in this afternoon?”
He wraps the seatbelt around his chest and buckles in. I do the same. “The last stretch was twenty-four hours.”
“Wow.”
He turns the ignition. “I was fixin’ to go to the grocery store. Do you mind the detour?”
A laugh burst from my lips. “You were what?”
He grins. “Sorry. I was about to go to the grocery store and was wondering if you wanted to come with?”
“Sure.”
“I have to say I assimilated quite quickly to the culture. Mabel helped with that.”
“That’s your aunt?” I’ve never met the woman, from what I remember she never visited them.
He nods and we start forward.
A few of the stragglers come out of the building, Carter one of them. I sink into the seat and thankfully he doesn’t see me.
“Lily said you and Carter dated.”
I sit up in the seat. “We broke it off a few weeks ago.”
“Why’s that?”
I sigh, reciting the same excuse I’ve told everyone. “We’re leaving for college at the end of the summer. It was going to end eventually.”
“Where’re you going?”
“NYU.”
“The dream,” he drawls.
“The dream,” I repeat. I can’t pinpoint the exact time I declared that I wanted to go to NYU, but even if he did forget how to use a telephone he didn’t forget everything. “How’s college for you?”
His expression darkens. “I didn’t go.”
“Oh.”
He pulls out of the park and down the main stretch toward the center of town. “My uncle passed away and left Mabel in a tight spot money-wise. So I’ve been helping her make ends meet.”
“Your dad too?”
“Yeah,” he says quickly.
“How come he didn’t come up with you?”
His hands tighten around the steering wheel. “He broke his leg last week. So he wouldn’t be much help.”
“That seems to be happening a lot lately,” I mumble.
Will’s phone rings from the cup holder and we both look at it. He snatches the phone and checks the screen before turning the ringer off.
“It’s right over there,” I point towards the bright orange and white sign of Fresh Mart.
“I remember,” he says, putting the phone down in the holder.
“Right,” I say. “Sorry.”
He pulls into one of the farthest spots of the lot. He’s out of the car before I get my seatbelt off. I lean into the door as it moves away from me. A squeal rips through me as I tumble out of the truck.
Will grabs my arms, hefting me up before I hit the ground. He gently helps me to my feet and I look up into his eyes. The corners crinkle and I know he wants to laugh. My skin flushes.
“I do have the capability to get out of a car on my own,” I say, politely removing my arms from his grasp.
He looks over his shoulder. “Mabel would kill me if you did that. I’m not surprised Carter never held the door for you.”
I didn’t need any more of Carter today. “A little warning next time.”
He leans close to me and I step back, my butt bumping into the side of the truck. “Warning. Every time we’re in a vehicle together, I will open the door for you.”
His eyes dance playfully and I can’t help but smile. “Thanks.”
He closes my door with a grin and leads the way up to the store.
CHAPTER FOUR
Will
I don’t have to worry about holding the store’s front doors for Hadley since they automatically open in front of us. Her shoulders almost touch her ears as we walk into the air-conditioned store.
I grab a shopping cart and push it towards the first aisle, completely out of my element. Someone calls out to Hadley and she waves to a girl at the checkout.
“Do you have plans to go to school eventually?” Hadley says, bringing up that topic again.
I busy myself pulling a loaf of bread from the shelf. “I don’t know.”
“With your grades any school would be thrilled to have you.” There’s a hint of envy in her voice.
“You sound like Mabel.”
She smiles. “I’d like to meet her,” she says and then closes her eyes briefly.
“You’d get along great.”
She gives me a closed-lipped smile and tugs her fingers through her hair, not quite meeting my eyes. So much for not being uncomfortable.
I switch to a safer topic as we head for the refrigerated aisle. “Do you know any of the kids that we have this year?”
She nods. “We had a few last year in the group.” She takes a piece of paper from her pocket and unfolds it. “You remember the Yates twins?”
Barely. “I think so.”
“We had them two years ago, in the eight to ten group. Harry and Oliver?”
“The mayor’s sons?”
“Ex-mayor, but yes,” she replies. “They’re still insanely rich though and are big donors to the department. But the kids are very sweet.”
“Who else?” I prod, tossing several bags of chips into the cart.
She goes on about the kids. It’s safer for the both of us when she talks and we aren’t delving into my past. We hit the refrigerator aisle and her teeth start to chatter, wrapping her arms around her chest. I lean down and pick up a carton of eggs. I struggle to keep my eyes on the carton.
She reaches over me, her shirt moves up, exposing a sliver of skin. I wonder if she’s as soft as I remember. I step back, removing the temptation.
She hands me a carton. “A growing boy needs milk.”
I chuckle and take it, our fingers briefly touch.
She nibbles on her lip and starts for the end of the aisle. I follow her with the cart.
Hadley rests her hand on the cart as we talk. “Tell me about the ranch.”
I grab jars of peanut butter and jelly and drop them in to the cart. I lean on the handle, moving it forward. “Just like the movies, up a dawn and not coming in till the cows come home.” I exaggerate a Southern drawl and again she smiles. I turn away from her and the tightening of my chest. Why did falling back in our routine have to come so easily?
I grab two boxes of cereal and toss it into the cart as I continue. “Mostly it’s a lot of repairs. She stables horses but we have several animals that need taking care of.”
“Like what?”
“Cows, pigs, goats. There’s also a pond nearby that we maintain.”
“It’s a good thing you and your dad are handy.”
I stare at my hands. “Yeah.” My thoughts drift to him and I know his hands are not like mine at all. Probably callus-free since he’s been in rehab. Those hands that taught me how to build and shape but also showed me how quickly they could tear things down. I shove away the thought of that weak man, but I can’t help but see him in the mirror every damn day.
I massage my neck, a reminder of that night. “I think I have enough here to get me started.” I do a rough calculation on how much the food will cost. I hope I have enough.
Hadley steers the cart to the front of the store. We get in the shortest line. Hadley leans forward, unloading the items closest to her. My gaze drops to the collar of her shirt.
“Hey Hadley.” It’s the same girl from earlier that called out. She seems eager for Hadley’s attention but her eyes are on me.
“Hi Beth.”
I smirk. Hadley’s being polite but it’s obvious these girls aren’t good friends.
“And you are?” She offers a hand to me.
I shake her fingers in the way that girls seem to think a handshake is supposed to go. An older gentleman holding out money to Beth glares in her direction. “I’m Will.”
“Hm,” Beth tilts her head. “You work fast.” She winks at Hadley. “So the rumors are true.”
Hadley’s face pales. “Will’s my—we’re—”
As much as I could watch her squirm all day, I jump in to save her. “We’re neighbors.”
“Excuse me!” the man in Beth’s aisle grumbles.
She rolls her eyes at me and turns around, taking the man’s money.
Hadley shakes her head, stifling a smile.
The young kid at the register checks Hadley out while swiping the barcodes of my groceries. She’s completely oblivious, as she always is. Hadley bags the supplies as they come down the counter and I pull out my wallet, watching the screen. Damn. I forgot how much of a difference the prices were up here. I won’t be able to come back until my first paycheck.
Beth prattles on to Hadley about a graduation party she attended and Hadley appropriately replies, but I can tell she wants to get out of the situation. I pay the kid and he’s barely paying attention to anything but Hadley’s chest. When he hands back my change, I catch his eye, fixing him with a glare. He swipes his hand back and turns to the next customer, bright red blotches forming on his skin.
I smirk.
Hadley puts the last bag in the cart, but she’s looking at me with the strangest expression. I pocket the money and start forward.
“Bye Hadley!” Beth calls. “Nice meeting you Will.”
Hadley and I wave to the girl, then she takes off like a bat out of hell.
When we get outside, her pace slows and I catch up to her. “I see you two are close?”
She smiles. “Not quite. Just one of those high school friendships that are supposed to end at graduation. But she’s hanging on tight.”
I know the feeling. She helps load the groceries into the bed of the truck and this time allows me to open the door for her.
“See, it’s not that difficult,” I say.
She sticks her tongue out as I close the door. I shove my hands into my pockets as I round the car to my side and get in.
“You can listen to whatever you want,” I offer, indicating the radio.
“Ever think of updating to this century?” she teases, pressing one of the pre-programmed buttons on the ancient tape deck.
“I much prefer commercials and static.”
She laughs and presses several more buttons until a country station plays. I reach out and touch her hand. She stiffens.
“I like this song,” I say, rolling the volume knob up.
“Me too,” she says.
I raise an eyebrow. “You like country?”
She touches the hem of her shorts. “Sure I do. Is that surprising?”
“Nah. Just different.”
“Different good?” she asks, smiling.
I shrug, barely able to contain my grin.
She chucks me in the arm. “Jerk.”
I tap my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song and Hadley hums along with it. She wasn’t lying about liking it. After a few minutes the song ends and a commercial comes on. I lower the volume a few notches.
Hadley whips around in her seat to face me. I glance at her as I turn the corner.
“Can I say something?” she asks, her fingers tangled in her lap.
“Yeah.”
She pushes her hair across her shoulder before speaking. “I want to discuss the elephant in the room. Or—” She opens her hands. “Truck, I suppose. I’m not going to ask you about leaving, that is, unless you want to tell me.”
I clench my jaw, but she carries on quickly.
“But if we’re going to work together this summer, I think we should try and get back to that place we were before you left. Professionally, I mean.”
My mind flashes to the night I left, the better part of that night where our friendship had transformed into something more. But she wasn’t talking about that.
My fingers twitch to touch her, reassure her somehow, but instead I keep them firmly planted on the wheel. “Yeah. I can do that.”
She exhales deeply. “Great.”
The air between us has shifted and my shoulders relax, letting go of the nightmarish parts of my past. Lily’s warning is fresh in my mind but Hadley seems to have grown up a lot. This summer is going to be easier than I thought.
***
Rock music blares from my phone. I roll over onto my side and fumble over the smooth surface of the side table. I click the button and the alarm ceases. Falling back onto the bed, I rub a hand over my face, my cheeks still raw from shaving last night in the coldest shower I’d ever experienced. The rest of the night was spent making a list of all the parts and projects I needed to do over the next couple of weeks before any chance of an open house. Or at least a successful one. And we needed as much for the house as possible.
I grab my phone and dial Mabel.
She picks up on the second ring. “Good mornin’, sweetheart!” Of course she’s wide awake.
“Mornin’.”
“Six in the mornin’ you’re callin’ me. You slept in,” she jokes.
“That’s what driving three days does to you.”
“Well, you needed it. I was worried sick that you’d drive off the road. Next time take someone with you and I’ll pay for their flight home.”
“Okay.” I slide off the bed. My feet touch the cool floor. She can barely afford to keep the place afloat, I wouldn’t let her buy anyone’s ticket let alone take anyone with me. When I was out of here, I was out for good.
“How was yesterday?” she asks.
I imagine her moving around the kitchen as I go through the activities from the day before, specifically not mentioning Hadley.
But of course she’s one step ahead of me. “That’s all well and good sunshine, but tell me about Hadley.”
A choked sound escapes my mouth.
She clucks. “I may be old, but I’m not daft. Don’t think I fell for your hemmin’ and hawin’ over leaving. You couldn’t stay away from your home forever.”
“This isn’t my home—”
“Oh hush now,” she interrupts. “You need this, sweetheart. You need it more than you know. Take this time to get everythin’ out of your system. If you want to say goodbye that is up to you. But if you end up wanting to stay, you know what you should do.”
“I don’t want to be here,” I say weakly, betraying how I truly feel. “And I don’t want to see him. Ever.”
She sighs deeply and I can see her shaking her head.
“And you better not tell him I’m here,” I add.
“Will Carson, are you telling me what to do?”
Two names. She’s not happy. “No ma’am.”
I hear the smile in her voice. “That’s what I thought.” She exhales again. “It’s only your first day. Can you just do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“You have two months to make the most of this second chance. I know you regret everything that happened with your father but this is your opportunity to live the rest of your life without regret. Summers are magical in that way. Don’t take it for granted.”
I peer over my shoulder. Is Hadley up? She was always an early riser. Something I quickly had to get accustomed to working on the ranch.
“You there?”
I turn away from the window. “Yes.”
“I know I’m an old woman, but I do know what I’m talking about.”
“Love you,” I say.
“You too, darlin’.”
I toss the phone onto the bed as I walk to the window. Pushing the curtain aside, I peer up at the still-dark sky. I can’t see the stars clearly here, the streetlights cast a glow blocking their light. I open the window and a light breeze moves over my arms. The screen is missing, another thing to add to the list, so I stick my head out the window and close my eyes, inhaling. The air is different here, something out of a deep memory.
A dull whooshing sound makes me open my eyes. Hadley stands behind the screen and her eyes widen. Her gaze moves down over my bare chest then back up.
“Good mornin’,” I say.
She blinks. “Mornin’.”
“I can’t help it,” I say, laughing.
“It’s cute,” she says and shakes her head as if scolding herself.
“I was going for ruggedly handsome but I guess cute will do.”
She’s already dressed in the counselor uniform, dark green shirt with khaki shorts. Her legs always looked good, but in those shorts they are exquisite.
“I didn’t expect you up this early.”
My hands grip the window sill and I lean onto them. “An unfortunate residual of ranch living.”
“How are they doing? Does she have someone else to help her while your dad recovers?”
I push away from the window. “Yeah,” I say a little too quickly. “I should give them a call.”
If she didn’t believe me, she didn’t give it away. Her hands move up to the window but for some reason I don’t want her to leave just yet. Her eyes sparkle with anticipation.
“I’m going to walk to camp. Do you and Ethan want to join?” I’ve had enough of the truck for a few days.
She winces. “I told Lily I’d drive in with her. She’s not that outdoorsy.”
“I remember.”
She grins sheepishly. “I’m sure Ethan would be cool with it.”
“I’m going to head out in about an hour, if he wants to come along just let him know.”
“I will.”
Both of us hesitate for a moment, but I make the first move. I close the window, but leave the curtains open. If anything it will be another excuse to see Hadley after camp. Mabel’s words course through my head. Even though I already made the decision to leave when the house sells, could Hadley and me continue where we left off? Knowing that we’d both leave at the end of the summer?
I cross the room to the closet and grab the camp shirt I still had from years previous. She’d never go for that. And I wouldn’t risk hurting her.
As I enter the hallway, my eyes fall on his bedroom door. My toes dig into the carpet as flames lick inside of my stomach. Instead, I go for the bathroom, wrench open the faucet. Air rockets out of the shower head, breaking up the water flow in quick spurts, but eventually the stream is consistent. It’s warmer than last night since I adjusted the water heater temperature. A chill wraps around my spine as I step under the warm water, but at least it distracts me, even momentarily.
I press my hands against the cool tile and let the thick air envelop me. My thoughts wander. Why did she have to bring him up? Other than nightmares, I rarely allowed myself to think of that night, but in this house, even just for a day it prodded me every goddamn second. I inhale sharply and allow myself to hate him all over again, it makes dealing with it easier.
My hands turn to fists and I pound the tile, remembering the urge to fight back that night. Right after it happened, I replayed the memory over and over wanting to hit him back harder, wanting to take him down faster, but it always ended up the same. I didn’t blame Hadley for that night, it would have happened another day, but maybe if she stayed with me after I bridged the gap between friendship and something more… things would have been different.
CHAPTER FIVE
Hadley
My fingers clench around the curtains, even though I know Will is gone from his room. Ranch life had been fantastic to Will’s body, making it harder for me not to act like a stupid sixteen year old girl. Why was I a bumbling mess around him? And that accent? If it didn’t mean him disappearing from my life without another word I wouldn’t regret that extra detail that made my insides twist every time he spoke.
A knock on the door broke the spell. My hip bumps against the desk and my pen jar clatters to the wood surface. I scramble to pick it up and the door opens. Mom’s bleary eyes meet mine. Her dirty blonde hair sticks up at all angles and she’s in her robe that has more holes than fabric. Her favorite.
“Good morning,” she says. “I heard you talking.”
I point to the window as I put the last strewn pen back in its place. “Will.”
Mom’s eyebrows shoot up. “I see you’ve fallen back into your routine.”
I focus on the corner of my desk as heat rushes up my neck.
“Well,” she says breathily. “I’m going to start breakfast. Dad has to leave in a few.”
“Okay,” I say, thinking of snow and glacial frost, anything to release the heat from my cheeks.
Calm down you idiot.
She leaves the door cracked open and I let out a breath as I hear her pad down the hallway. She’d given me the third degree about Will at dinner, Dad apparently keeping that gem from the entire family. But he dutifully shifted the conversation to the cruise and Mom had a lot to say about that.
I didn’t want to make a big deal of Will being home, but she was my mom. I told her everything. Sometimes Lily got a bit too interested in detail, even on the hard topics, so Mom was a happy medium. She was there when I made an embarrassing mess of myself crying over Will those years ago. Only after months of her listening to me snuggled up in my bed did I start to feel silly. Turning off all thoughts of Will was my idea but she never pushed for anything I didn’t want. That’s what I’d have to do again, at least for the next two months. It would be easier for everyone if I was able to just be friends with him like I chose to do with Carter. At the end of the summer we will all go our separate ways and move on with our lives. I inhale deeply and let it go slowly, my body relaxing with each passing second.