Amber Green Takes Manhattan

I locked myself in the downstairs toilet and sat down, breathing a huge sigh. My eyes wandered around the tiny room; there was a super-cute photo of Rob and Dan in a paddling pool on the wall – I imagined it was taken in the garden of this very house. I guessed they were aged about four and six, with grubby hands, freckled faces and huge smiles. Rob looked a cheeky blond scallywag and Dan more serious and dark haired. It must have been captured not long before their father left. Rob had told me a little about what happened, but not much detail.

‘It was the biggest cliché in the book,’ he had said. ‘Dad went off with his young PA and broke Mum’s heart. I don’t think she’s ever got over it. After going to some counselling sessions she decided to train as a relationship therapist herself. What is it they say about therapists? They’re the most messed-up people out there.’ I knew that Rob now had a fractured relationship with his father, who went on to have three more children with the PA. They saw each other maybe once a year. It was sad, really. Knowing this made me feel a little more sympathetic about the dig Marian had made about my dad’s job over dinner and perhaps helped explained why she hadn’t exactly been warm to me so far. She clearly had a deep mistrust of other women around her men. Unless they’re Florence.

And then my gaze fixed on another photo; this one looked very recent. It showed Dan on a white sandy beach holding an attractive, bikini-clad blonde woman in his arms; she was flaunting what appeared to be a big diamond engagement ring. It had to be Florence; all big bouncy platinum curls and an innocent smile.

‘Quick loo break, that’s better.’ I smiled, joining them all in the kitchen.

Rob smiled quizzically. ‘Thanks for the update, Amber.’

‘Dessert will be another five minutes, let’s go back through.’ Marian ushered us, rapidly putting an end to whatever they had been discussing. She placed a hand on my arm to guide me through first, an indication that I wasn’t completely repulsive to her.

Rob poured us all another large glass of white wine and I gulped down half of mine immediately. Thank God for wine, I mean, seriously, what would I do without wine? Judging by the speed with which Rob finished his glass and then refilled us both, I knew the moment had arrived.

‘So, Mum, Dan, there is something Amber and I wanted to talk to you about tonight.’

Marian clutched Dan’s arm. ‘Jesus, don’t tell me you’re getting married,’ she squealed, horrified.

I shuffled to the back of my chair. She really knows how to make me feel welcome.

‘No, Mum, it’s more of a short-term plan. We, er, Amber and I are going to be moving to New York for a few months. I’ve been offered a filming job out there and we thought it would be a great adventure if we both went together.’

He paused to take in their expressions. Marian looked like she’d been turned to stone.

‘Mum? You’ve always said I should seize opportunities – isn’t it great?’

‘Sounds bloody exciting. Congrats, man,’ Dan piped up, filling the silence from Marian. He held his hand out across the table to Rob and then he shook my hand. ‘Got space in your suitcase for me?’

‘Always got a sofa for you, come and visit. You too, Mum, it’s only for an initial three months, so you’d better take advantage of the cheap accommodation.’

Marian forced her mouth into a kind of tight smile. ‘Super, darling, I suppose it sounds great fun,’ she said, before looking me right between the eyes. ‘You must be pleased.’ I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d then hissed. You’d think I’d just told her I was taking him to Helmand Province.

‘Yes, I’m excited, too,’ I offered, ‘and it’s not for long, you know, we’ll be back.’

‘Lovely. When do you go?’ she asked, arms folded across her chest defensively.

‘In a few weeks. We’re just looking into our tickets and visa and we have to sort out living arrangements and then we’ll be off.’

‘A few weeks? Just like that,’ she said.

‘Just like that,’ Dan repeated, impersonating Tommy Cooper. Rob and I both sniggered.

We were wrenched out of some awkward small talk about journey times to New York by a strange smell emanating from the kitchen. Rob noticed it first.

‘That’s smoke,’ he got to his feet. ‘Mum, I think something’s burning.’

We all lifted our noses to the air.

‘God, yes, and your smoke alarm’s not working,’ said Dan, sounding animated for the first time all evening as he leapt up to join Rob on his way to the kitchen.

Marian jumped to her feet, too, calling after them. ‘Oh Lord, it’s the sticky pudding, I forgot all about the bloody pudding. It’ll be ruined.’ She looked stricken.

I pushed my chair away from the table and joined them.

In the kitchen, the three of them were staring at a smoking layer of melted plastic mixed with a toasted toffee pudding. Marian’s eyes had gone glassy and I was afraid she might cry.

‘Left the damn plastic film on it, didn’t I.’ She swallowed, her voice trembling. ‘Some lids you pierce, others you don’t, it’s so bloody confusing.’

‘Bang goes pretending it was home-made,’ Rob remarked, trying to lighten the atmosphere. He put an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him.

‘Well, perfect end to a pretty disastrous evening wouldn’t you say?’ Marian remarked finally, once the backdoor had been opened and the pudding placed out of sight on the patio. I didn’t know where to look. ‘Both of my boys are having early mid-life crises and then I nearly set the house on fire.’

‘Come on, Mum, it’s not that bad.’ Dan put a hand on her arm. I noticed he didn’t try to deny the crisis part. She covered her face with her hands and began sobbing into them. Half of me wanted to put my arms around her too and join the group hug, as I’d do if she was my mum, but I had no idea how that might go down. Instead I watched as Rob and Dan enveloped her and the three stood there for a few seconds, hugging. I wondered whether to grab my coat and disappear, but I’d promised Rob I’d stay at his tonight; besides, I was wearing new underwear. Instead I comforted myself with a realisation: Maybe my own family is not so dysfunctional after all.

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