Lord Of Shadowhawk

* * *

Alyssa jerked awake with a gasp.

“Relax, miss,” a voice she recognized as Dr. Birch’s soothed. The man placed his hand on her shoulder. “I need to examine that head wound of yours a bit more closely.”

Alyssa froze.

Tray grimly watched Alyssa wrestle with the terror. She suddenly ducked away from the doctor’s continued ministrations. Damn her! Tray wrestled with his anger as he stalked around to the other side of the bed, making sure she would not try to bolt, thereby injuring herself further. He glanced at Birch and then down at her.

“Alyssa,” he growled, “stop this. You can’t run every time someone touches you. The doctor needs to examine you.”

Alyssa winced beneath Tray’s biting tone as if he had physically struck her. He was obviously used to having his own way and ordering others around. One part of her rebelled; and yet, with frightening despair, she knew she could not escape because her blindness prevented it. Hot tears scalded her eyes and she tipped her head back, squeezing her eyelids closed and forcing down the tears.

“Please…” she whispered brokenly, “ask me anything you want, Doctor. But don’t—don’t touch me. I—I can’t stand it. You don’t know what happened….”

Birch sat quietly on the edge of the bed. “We know what happened to you, child,” he said gruffly. “I’ll be very gentle with you. Now, you must sit there and stop agitating yourself. Do you understand?”

Tray limped back to the fireplace, his mouth set in a hard line. Alyssa’s pleading cry tore at him as nothing else ever had. God’s blood! What was this unexplained power she held over him? Each time agony showed in her lovely jade-colored eyes or Tray heard the trembling fear in her rich voice, he responded to it as if he were a part of her.

That morning, he had gently dislodged himself from Alyssa’s sleeping embrace and had stood at the bedside, staring hungrily down upon her peaceful countenance, which, in slumber, lost that mask of fear. The perfectly sculpted features of her healing face had tempted him almost beyond reason.

Tray rubbed his brow in consternation, hating himself for what he had felt earlier as he stood there. He had experienced a stirring of heat in his loins, and his imagination had taken flight. Ruthlessly, he tried to sort and examine his emotions. Shelby had been dead for longer than a year. There were many Englishwomen from Liverpool who begged him to attend their parties and balls after the official period of mourning, but he had declined. They all vied for the title of Lady Trayhern—and the vast Trayhern wealth he would inherit when his father died. Tray’s memory veered sharply to a time in his life he never wanted to dredge up again.

He had been the master of Shadowhawk since he was six and ten, with Stablemaster Thomas as his mentor. There had been little time to hone his appreciation of girls when he was growing up. The only other females were Welsh and Irish servants or tenants, and they all knew who he was: the lord of Shadowhawk, someone to treat with deference but never to become friendly with. Those had been painfully lonely years. And it was only when his neighbor to the south, a wealthy Welsh farmer, had come to visit with his son that Tray truly began to understand the shame of his clubfoot and how that condition affected women.

Evan Deverell was two years older than Tray and would often come riding up on one of his father’s handsome thoroughbreds and invite Tray to visit Colwyn Bay with him to enjoy the delights of the young Welshwomen, who, he promised, would welcome them with open arms. After a particularly bountiful fall harvest, Tray was in the mood to celebrate. He bathed, donned his best clothes, mounted his bay Welsh gelding and rode happily into Colwyn Bay with his friend.

The cobbled streets of Colwyn Bay were dreary with recent rain when they entered Evan’s world of gambling parlors. They drank until their heads reeled and then found themselves in the arms of women who traded their bodies for a few coins. Drunk for the first time in his life, Tray had staggered up to the room of a pretty girl named Glynis, which was gaudily decorated in reds and golds. She giggled as, in his inebriated state, he tried to unbutton his trousers. Glynis pushed him back on the feather bed and divested him of his black wool coat and white, ruffled shirt. He sat there, blinking at Glynis through blurred eyes as she kept up a giggly chatter, her blue eyes small and sparkling as she yanked and pulled on his right boot until it finally slid free. Tossing it aside, he laughed with her, feeling a rush of fierce sexual hunger as she leaned down between his sprawled legs to caress him through his tight-fitting breeches. A shudder of absolute pleasure had rippled through him like hot iron being poured through his awakening loins.

Glynis must have seen the shock and sudden desire mirrored in his stunned expression because she smiled coyly and continued to caress him with knowing fingers, sending shafts of longing coursing through his virgin body. Tray gasped as she gently shoved him down on the bed, proceeding to free each captive button on his confining trousers. The bulge in his breeches left nothing to guess about, and Glynis seemed absolutely delighted as she deliberately grazed his hard maleness one more time before shifting her attention to ridding him of his other highly polished boot.

The skimpy, translucent lavender gown made Tray achingly aware of Glynis as a woman. He watched in fascination as she straddled his left leg, positioning the boot between her slender thighs. He lay there, eyes wide as he watched her small rear wriggle provocatively as she struggled with the boot. Pouting, she turned and told him to push on her derriere so that the naughty boot would come off. He willingly complied, gently placing his foot squarely on that beautiful, lavender-swathed flesh. With squeals of delight, after a few halfhearted tries, Glynis wrestled the leather free. She did a little dance before tossing the boot aside and turning back to Tray. Her gaze flew to his left leg, thin, misshapen, the atrophied calf.

Tray squeezed his eyes shut, still hearing her gasp; in his mind’s eye he again watched the revulsion and horror cross Glynis’s face as she stared down at his twisted left foot. She backed against the wall, her eyes large as he looked in confusion at her. And then she started screaming.

“Monster! Monster! You’re the devil’s own! Help! Help!” She fled from the room, shrieking at the top of her lungs, the words monster and devil ringing throughout the building, bringing patrons and whores tumbling out into the hall to investigate.

Tray opened his eyes and stared out the french windows at the moody gray sky. He flexed his left fist, still remembering the humiliation, the rejection. Slowly, he lifted his chin and his gaze rested on Alyssa. Was that how she felt now? He was ashamed of the anger that he had felt toward her earlier. He mustn’t allow his frustration to transform into impatience with Alyssa. Whatever she was feeling was aimed at all men, not just at him. Tray moistened his lips, drawing himself up and wandering back to the other side of the bed.

“Listen to me carefully, child,” Birch said in his coaching tone. “It is imperative you remain in bed for at least another week. Your dizziness will probably continue and you must rely on these good people to help you.”

Her stomach knotted. “C-can’t I even try to walk to the water closet?”

“Not just yet. If you fell, you might strike your head again, and that would be grievous to your health. Right now you must eat and gain back some weight. And rest.”

“And my eyes?” There was a quaver in her voice.

“I don’t know. The blindness could be temporary or permanent. That’s why it’s important that you rest and stay quiet, so we can find out.”

Alyssa swallowed her tears. Dear Mother Mary! Never to see the lush emerald green of her beloved Ireland? Or the radiance of a golden sunrise and rose pink blush of a sunset? She raised her fingers, briefly touching her head wound. “You think I may see again if—if I follow your advice?”

Birch grimaced. “My child, I can’t promise you anything. I have seen men and animals who were similarly struck in the head go blind for weeks, perhaps months, and then either slowly or suddenly regain their sight.”

Alyssa’s voice rose in hope. “In every case?”

“No. Only in half of them.”

Her slender fingers moved to the hollow of her ivory throat, and her eyes darkened with pain. “A-and those who didn’t?”

“Blind for life.”

Alyssa looked away, fighting against the tears. “If I can’t see…if I can’t see, I don’t want to live!” She turned her head from the doctor to hide her unhappiness.

Tray fought the impulse to kneel down and take Alyssa into his arms. He watched her helplessly, knowing that if he did try to comfort her, she would lash out at him.

“Nonsense, child. Give yourself time to heal. I’ll come once a week to see you. You’re young and you’ve made rapid progress thus far. Trust Lord Trayhern. He’s overseen your rescue since he took you off that accursed ship. He is your benefactor, and so is Sorche. You are among friends here, and the sooner you realize that, the more speedily you will heal.”

Lord Trayhern? Alyssa felt a sharp pang of despair. She didn’t even have the strength to remind the doctor that he was English, that they were all English and therefore her sworn enemy. Misery enfolded her like a cloak and Alyssa closed her eyes, unable to think about the problems that now faced her.

“I’ll leave now,” Birch announced. He got off the bed and picked up his brown leather bag, motioning for Tray to follow him out into the hall.

“I’ll be back in a moment, Alyssa,” Tray told her. She did not respond. Her auburn hair hung in thick, burnished sheets about her pitifully thin shoulders, hiding whatever impression his words had made upon her. His mouth tightened and he led Birch out into the empty hall, shutting the door quietly behind them.

* * *

Alyssa tensed when Tray reentered the room. She was pale, and the lack of color to her skin emphasized the shadows beneath her jade eyes.

“It’s just me,” Tray announced, walking over to her.

She said nothing, staring straight ahead, her lips trembling.

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers, watching her darkly. “Are you hungry?”

“No!”

“Thirsty, then?”

“Go away!”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, little one. I own Shadowhawk, and you and Sean are my guests.”

Alyssa jerked her head toward him, her hair flying about her shoulders. “Don’t call me little one! I hate it! I hate you! You’re English!”

Tray stiffened, his features growing hard. “That’s one point we need to straighten out between us,” he said through clenched teeth, approaching her bed. He saw Alyssa shrink back to the safety of the headboard. “I’m Welsh by birth.”

“Then you lied to me! You said you were Irish! And you speak Gaelic.”

“My mother died giving birth to me, Alyssa. I was given to Sorche, who is Irish. She wet-nursed and raised me. Welsh blood runs in my veins but I was brought up beneath her loving Irish hand.” Seeing Alyssa cringe at his words, Tray realized he was snarling at her like a dog. Cursing mentally, he stalked back to the fireplace. “You are in a Welsh household, Alyssa,” he began again, his voice more neutral. “I’m the lord of the estate. I have no more love of the English than you do. Don’t forget, they conquered our fair lands first before they put Ireland under their yoke of dominance.”

Alyssa raised her chin defiantly, her eyes glittering. “You’re a titled lord?”

“Yes,” he admitted wearily, “the son of an earl.”

“The Welsh hold no titles, just as the Irish can’t!” she spat. “You lie to me again. Do you take me for an addle-brained—”

Tray curbed his flaring temper. “Alyssa, I hadn’t intended on giving you my life story, but I see I must. Two hundred years ago Culver Trayhern was given an earldom in South Wales by the King of England. But he and every firstborn son after him, including my father, Harold, wed Welshwomen. What few drops of English blood were ever in me have been put back into the soil of Shadowhawk long ago. I’m far more Welsh than English, believe me.” He was, but Vaughn wasn’t. Vaughn reveled in his half-English breeding through his mother, the Lady Edwina.

Her mutinous look wavered and then she released a sigh. “I’m so tired…just leave me alone. I want to sleep.”

Tray scowled. At that moment, Alyssa appeared so frail, almost as if she would disappear before his very eyes. He lowered his voice. “Then sleep. I’ll be here when you awake. If you need anything, call. I’ll be in the adjoining room.”

Alyssa slid beneath the covers, her head aching abominably. Sleep was an escape from a man called Tray, whose voice flowed over her like thick golden honey, soothing her ragged nerves.

* * *

It was midafternoon when she awoke. Alyssa lay there a long time, listening for noises. She heard the snort of horses in the distance and the faint bleat of sheep, but the wind distorted the sounds as it gusted against the windows and rattled them beneath its power. A fire crackled nearby and she longed to be able to get up and walk over to it. Fire was always comforting to her. Not that she was cold. No, for once in her life, she was warm. Her fingers moved in a caressing gesture over the smooth texture of the sheet around her. Never had she felt material of such fine quality. So this was how the rich lived? Her father had always told her the English were decadent, that they taxed the poor Irish Catholic farmers out of their land, putting the hard-earned money of the laborers into their own pockets. That money bought such finery as this, Alyssa thought hazily.

Her sharpened hearing caught the sound of heavy boots scuffing across a thick carpet. She stiffened, her lashes lifting.

“How are you feeling?”

The care in Tray’s deep voice dissolved her acid retort. His voice…why did it seem so familiar to her? Her heart gave a little lurch. She tried to speak but found her mouth gummy.

“Water?”

Alyssa nodded and struggled into a sitting position. She heard the water being poured and the familiar sound of his approach. Never had she relied so keenly on her hearing as now.

“Hold out your hands,” he commanded her, “and I’ll place the glass between them.”

She obeyed his instructions. When her fingers brushed his, she froze momentarily. But driven by thirst, Alyssa gripped the glass firmly. He removed his hand and she eagerly drank.

“More?”

She shook her head, holding out the emptied glass. “No, thank you,” she whispered.

Tray smiled tentatively. So, Alyssa could be civil when she chose. Or was it that she had just awakened, her defenses not yet in place? It didn’t matter. Tray made sure he didn’t touch her fingers a second time as he lifted the glass from her hand. After setting it on the sideboard, he moved back to her.

“It’s been a while since your last trip to the water closet.”

Alyssa felt the heat of blush rapidly sweep from her neck up into her face. The scarlet color graced her cheeks and Tray took pity upon her.

“I don’t think Dr. Birch will be angry if I hold your hand and you try a few steps toward the water closet on your own instead of being carried all that way. What do you think?”

Alyssa was so grateful she almost cried. She hadn’t expected any enemy of Ireland to show humanity. Swallowing the lump forming in her throat, she nodded and lifted her hand outward. The graceful gesture reminded Tray of the ballerinas he had seen performing in London. His mouth compressed and he gently pulled back the covers and gripped Alyssa’s hand firmly in his own.

“Come to the side of the bed and then just rest a moment,” he counseled softly.

Alyssa did so, wildly aware of his powerful, calloused hand surrounding her own, swallowing up her cool, damp fingers. The vibrating tenor of Tray’s voice thrummed through her like a beautifully played Irish harp, and she couldn’t ignore the sudden flutter of her heart in her chest.

“All right, stand, slowly.”

She was weak. More weak than she could ever recall being in her life. But with Tray’s assistance, she stood, wavering, but standing nevertheless. She felt the heat of his body, so close to her own, and suddenly wished that she could see his face. Faces told her so much about a person. And right now, Alyssa felt one part of herself desperately wanting to reach out and trust this stranger, yet she knew she couldn’t.

“How do you know so much about all these things?” she muttered, frowning.

Tray’s laughter was deep and free. “I’m treating you as if you were a newborn foal who is trying to get to her feet for the first time. Have you seen foals? First they push upright on their straight little front legs and then promptly fall back down on their noses. Next, they push with their gangly hind legs, getting to their knees in front.” His voice lowered intimately, heightening her already aware senses. “And then those tiny front legs come up and there they stand, wobbling and wavering on all four feet for the first time in their life. It’s quite a moment.” Amusement laced his voice. “And then the mother will urge her newly born foal to nurse. In this case, we’ll nudge you toward the water closet. Shall we take your first faltering step, little one?”

His voice was a mesmerizing drug, and without a word, Alyssa took her first faltering step forward. A delicious sense of protection and care surrounded her as he called her little one again. She hadn’t the meanness to tell him not to call her by that pet name.

“And another…” Tray urged, and so it went. Alyssa took ten steps before she felt her knees giving way. Her right hand flew out in his direction and he caught her, his arm sliding around her waist, allowing her to fall against him. The shock of her thinly clothed body meeting the masculine hardness of his brought a gasp from Alyssa.

“Easy, Aly, I’m not going to hurt you. Easy…” He slipped his arm beneath her thighs, lifting her up against him.

Alyssa’s muscles tensed. He was a man, and her enemy.

“Ten steps isn’t bad for a first time,” he told her conversationally as he carried her to the marble-tiled bath area, trying without success to ignore her reaction to him. Her once flushed features were now pale and taut, and he could feel Alyssa retreat inside of herself. He gently set her on her feet. Taking her right hand, he verbally laid out the dimensions of the water closet before releasing her.

“Call me when you’re done,” he told her. “I’ll be in the drawing room working at my desk. You may have to raise your voice a bit so that I’ll hear you.”

Tray tore his gaze from her waxen features and those large, haunted jade eyes that tore his soul apart. She didn’t believe a word he had said. Well, what did he expect? Going to his mahogany desk, he took up the quill and forced himself to concentrate on the work before him.

For the first time in almost eight days, the sun broke through the low-hanging gray clouds and its beams cascaded through the french doors, making the blue drawing room come to vibrant life. The warmth felt good and Tray lifted his chin, allowing the sunlight to fall across his face. He preferred being outdoors. Although he did not regret the past week with Alyssa, he missed the fresh salt air and his daily ride on Rasheed along the beach.

His thoughts were interrupted when he caught sight of Alyssa, clutching at the woodwork of the doorway in order to stay upright. His chair tipped over as, too late, he raced to catch her before she fell. Alyssa’s auburn hair spilled like a wine waterfall around her face as she crumpled to the carpet.

“You little fool,” Tray breathed savagely, gripping her arms and pulling her upright. “What do you think you were doing? Why didn’t you call for me?” Tray swallowed the rest of his anger as he saw tears form in Alyssa’s luminous eyes as they lifted toward his voice.

“I—I thought you were lying,” she choked. “I thought you were watching me all the time. I couldn’t stand the thought of—of—”

He groaned and knelt with Alyssa in his arms, burying her head against his chest. “God’s blood,” he whispered rawly. “I would never do anything to humiliate you, Aly.” His voice softened. “So you decided to see if I was secretly watching, knowing I would stop you from walking out of there?” Her logic was faultless. Had he been that devious, Tray would rather have admitted his lie than risk her falling. She knew him better than he cared to admit, which was rather unsettling. He didn’t want to be vulnerable ever again. He gave Alyssa’s cheek a gentle caress, his voice coaxing. “You have to learn to trust again. Trust me.”

Belatedly, as he lightly held her in his embrace while she valiantly refused to cry, he remembered what Sean had said: Alyssa had not been betrothed. She would have been protected from men. She was only seven and ten and, until recently, a virgin. She would have been protected from men all her life. At no time would she have had her maidenly privacy disrupted by a man. And now, he was the one to see her in little more than a nightgown and to carry her to and from the water closet. And she lay in his bed. Tray’s mouth quirked in understanding as Alyssa raised her head and pushed away from him. He released her, but only inches separated them.

“Better now?” he asked, his own voice unsteady.

“Y-yes.”

“Tears are the language of the heart. There’s nothing wrong with crying, little one.”

“Men don’t cry. Why should I?” she asked defiantly. “I’m ready to go back to bed.”

He gave her a patient smile. “Sometimes it’s better to cry, to let all your feelings out instead of bottling everything up. You’ve been through a great deal.”

She looked up, a challenging tilt to her chin. “And I suppose you cry?”

“Yes, I have. Several times,” he admitted quietly.

Her eyes widened. “Oh…”

“Do you want to try to walk or do you want me to carry you?”

Alyssa’s lips parted as she considered her answer. Her heart gave a funny twist in her chest. He had given her a choice. Tray could have dragged her back to the bed by her hair, as the sailors had dragged her from the cell, without consulting her on the matter at all. But he had not exerted his male dominance upon her, even though it was in his power to do so at any time. Alyssa tilted her head in confusion, trying to understand this complex man.

“Carry me?” she responded honestly.

Tray rose on one knee, his face thoughtful as he picked Alyssa up. This time she wasn’t so stiff and unyielding in his arms, and when he felt her relax ever so slightly against him, his heart soared. Despite the abuse and pain, there was still a core of trust in Alyssa. Trust. He could have exploded with happiness, but he masked it and said nothing as he deposited her on the safety of his bed once again. Tray helped her with the covers and she lay quietly with her hands in her lap, looking almost serene. Her stomach growled, and she immediately placed her hand across her middle.

“Hungry?” he asked, breaking the mellow silence between them.

“Yes.”

“I’ll have Sorche bring you something to eat.”

“Thank you.”

Alyssa listening to him leave the room, her stomach still rumbling, telling everyone within earshot that she was indeed starved! She had heard the carefully cloaked amusement in Tray’s voice when he had asked her if she was hungry. He could have embarrassed her with a snide comment, but he hadn’t. What an odd man he was!

Again, Alyssa found herself wishing mightily to know what he looked like.

Chapter Five

Alyssa seemed in the best of moods when Tray returned from his long overdue gallop along the cliffs of Shadowhawk. The brisk ride had lifted his spirits, and when he had knocked lightly at Alyssa’s door and heard her voice ring out, his heart pounded briefly. He gave her a smile of welcome, even though she could not see him as he entered the bedchamber.