The Impact of You
‘Why are you bored with life?’ she asks.
She has no way of knowing the truth behind her words. Before I can respond, the door opens behind us, blasting us with an unwelcome wave of music. Avery and I both turn to see who’s interrupted our hideout.
It’s Trey. Shit fuck. He staggers toward us, his eyes dancing between me and Avery with interest. ‘Stacia’s looking for you,’ he announces.
I cringe as Avery’s eyebrows raise, no doubt wondering who Stacia is.
‘I’m busy right now.’
Trey continues, ‘Come back inside, man. I need you to divert some of the pussy you attract over to me.’ He takes a deep chug from his cup. ‘Hell, I’ll even take your leftovers.’ His eyes dart to Avery’s. ‘And considering this one’s still talking to you, I’m guessing you haven’t fucked her yet.’
Avery cringes at his words, and in two seconds flat I’m on my feet.
Avery
Jase stands suddenly and shoves a hand against his friend’s shoulder, hard enough to knock him back several steps. ‘Go back inside, Trey. Drunk ass,’ he mutters to himself.
Trey drags himself back inside, but his visit is a wake-up call. I really shouldn’t be sitting alone in the dark with a guy I don’t know. A guy who, according to his friend, definitely knows his way around a vagina. That’s the last thing I need. When I stand, I see disappointment cross Jase’s features.
‘I’m gonna go,’ I say.
He nods and watches me leave, his hands fisted tightly at his sides.
Back inside, the heat and music are too much. I find Madison and Noah where I left them in the living room, still dancing, only drunker than before. I tug on Madison’s arm. ‘Hey!’ I shout over the music. ‘I’m ready to go.’
She stops dancing to frown at me, but doesn’t argue. ‘Okay.’ She grabs Noah’s hand. ‘Noah-baby, come on!’
He grins, as easy going as ever, and follows us to the front door. I steal one last glance behind me and spot Jase situated on the couch, a different blond perched in his lap, his hands by his sides, doing nothing to stop the lap dance. His expression is bored, and when his eyes find mine, he frowns.
‘Let’s go.’ I tug Madison, more forcefully this time, and we head out into the night. I hate the feeling of Jase’s eyes on my back as I retreat. I hate that I thought we shared something outside.
When we reach the dorm, Noah follows Madison and me into our room, which has become a common occurrence. He hates his roommate this year. Apparently he was paired with some gay-bashing jock. Which sucks. Madison and I have told him to go to housing services and try to get switched. But each time he just shrugs. I kick off my shoes and fall onto my narrow twin bed. I’m ready to crash, not used to staying up so late, but apparently Madison and Noah are still in the dancing spirit. Madison turns up the music and they begin rehearsing the dance they’ve choreographed for Call Me Maybe. Even though I’ve seen it a million times, when Noah steps forward and sashays across our tiny room, it still makes me laugh. God, I love these two. It’s times like this I wonder, why can’t I just hide in my bubble? I have the two best friends a girl could want.
What’s so wrong with being the careful sophomore who’s best known for turning in her homework early? Or the girl who’s always around on weekends to let streams of drunk kids back into the dorms at night because she has nothing better to do? Oh God, yeah, that was bad. But the question is… do I want to change my reputation? I’ve worked hard to earn it – to stay under the radar. And I know if I jump onboard with the Madison school of crazy, all that would disappear.
I’ve achieved the anonymity I crave– so why do I feel so restless?
It’s why I choose this middle-of-nowhere-Iowa private college – because practically no one from my high school was coming here, which made it all the more appealing. Safe. Even though my dads wanted me to follow in their footsteps, go to State and become a Viking, I convinced them that this was what I wanted. Now I’m not so sure.
I replay my conversation with Jase over in my mind. What was it about him that felt so familiar?
Madison prances over to me, lip syncing with gusto. ‘Here’s my number, call me maybe.’
My mouth curls into its usual crooked grin, watching them sing their hearts out. Once the song is over, Madison removes her bra from under her shirt and thrusts off her jeans. She has zero modesty – in front of me, Noah, or anyone really.
Madison is my opposite in every way. I wear my hair loose like a curtain to hide behind –the longer, the better. Madison’s is cropped close to her shoulders in a sleek bob that she threatens to chop on a regular basis. She’s also blessed with a flawless olive complexion, while I’m pale except for the fine dusting of freckles across the bridge of my nose and top of my chest. Speaking of chests, hers fits politely inside her shirt, two nicely rounded lady bumps. Mine? Not so much. My boobs and I have never gotten along. Mine spill over a C, but I refuse to buy a bigger size, so I’ve taken to wearing sports bras exclusively since last year. Though it’s not because I care for jogging. They’re just more manageable this way. Of course Madison had a field day with that information, outraged that I’d taken to keeping my lady parts strapped down. She even tried to get Noah involved in making a case to free my boobage, to which he replied, ‘Eh. I could take ’em or leave ’em. But I have heard guys like those things.’ We all cracked up laughing, and that was pretty much the end of that conversation.
Madison flops down onto my bed, forcing me to scoot over. Noah stretches out on our futon, where he’s regularly been sleeping.
‘Did you have fun tonight, Avery?’ Madison asks.
I nod. ‘Yeah. It wasn’t bad.’
She chuckles. ‘If there’s no one who interested you at that party tonight, you’ve got bigger issues than I can help you with.’
‘There was someone,’ I admit, my voice tiny.
‘Who?’
‘His name was Jase.’
‘Jase Owens?’
I nod sheepishly.
Her eyes fly to Noah’s, which are just as wide and concerned. ‘Oh honey,’ he frowns.
‘What?’ I ask, keeping my voice level.
Madison rolls her eyes and lets out a huff. ‘Noah.’ She motions for him to explain, anchoring a hand on her hip. Uh-oh, this isn’t good.
‘How do I put this….’ He taps his index finger against his chin, his expression grim. ‘He’s a shark, babe. You need a guppie.’
I frown. Was Jase a shark like they thought? After talking with him on the deck, I didn’t think so. But then I remembered the large-chested girl who planted herself in his lap just minutes later. Her breasts weren’t bigger than mine, but she had no problem putting them out there in people’s faces. And Jase did nothing to remove her from his personal space.
Madison pats the top of his head. ‘Well said, tootsie roll.’
‘Relax guys, it’s not like I’m gonna do anything about it.’
Madison’s eyebrows dart up. ‘Baby, you wouldn’t even know what to do with a guy anyway.’
I don’t argue. I don’t tell her she’s wrong. It doesn’t matter because it’s not like I’m planning on getting involved with anyone. Especially Jase. Getting close to people means running the risk of exposing my past. And that is not okay with me. Not even Madison and Noah know, God love ’em.
‘Night guys.’ I flick off my lamp, plunging us into darkness and curl onto my side, letting the numb feeling overtake me. I can’t believe I’d opened up to Jase tonight – thinking we’d shared some sort of moment, telling him about my adoption. That was dumb. No sense in getting my hopes up about Jase, I was safer alone anyway.
Chapter 3
Jase
I hadn’t expected to see Avery again, which is why the flash of auburn hair leaves me momentarily stunned. Seeing her in the daylight, I realize she’s even prettier than I first realized. But as quickly as I spot her, she’s gone – diving for cover behind a dumpster. ‘Avery?’ I round the corner and see her couched down, knees drawn up to her chest.
Her eyes dart up and meet mine and she lets out a soft groan. She doesn’t say anything, just remains hunkered down next to the dumpster. I hold out my hand, offering to help.
Her gaze lifts from mine, searching for something in the distance before she takes my hand.
‘Why are you hiding?’
‘I wasn’t,’ she says quickly.
I lift one eyebrow. I can feel her hand trembling in mine.
‘Can you just get me out of here?’ Her voice has a raspy, pleading quality to it that I can’t refuse.
‘Where do you want to go?’
Her gaze darts behind me. ‘Anywhere but here.’
Sadness flickers in her eyes and instantly I know I’d gladly fuck up whoever had hurt her. ‘Come on. If we cut through there,’ I point to a trail at the edge of campus, ‘my house isn’t far.’
She nods, and glances behind her once more before following me.
I have no idea what spooked her, but she’s pale and jittery, like she might dart away from me at any second. I’m not sure why, but I can’t let her do that. I reluctantly release her hand, but she keeps pace beside me. ‘Do you have a class right now?’ I ask, needing to break the silence.
She shakes her head. ‘I’m done for the day.’
Damn, only eleven in the morning and she’s done for the day? I don’t take classes that start before noon.
When we reach the Delta Sig house, she hesitates at the front door before stepping inside. It’s trashed, as usual.
‘This is weird – being in a frat house during the light of day.’
I smile. ‘Come on, I’ll show you around.’
‘How many guys live here?’ She follows me through the living room. There’s a random dude sleeping on the couch, and Avery looks slightly concerned at this, but continues past him.
‘Um, sixteen, I think. The house is just for the juniors and seniors.’ We stop in the kitchen and say hi to Drake and Jared. I figure if I introduce her to a few of my roommates – witnesses – she’ll be more comfortable following me up to my room. Of course I don’t like the way their eyes travel over her sleek jean-clad hips, visually molesting her. ‘Come on.’ I take her hand again, which has become a natural reaction to her even though I’ve always hated holding hands, and guide her to the stairs.
She stops cold at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes full of questions. I turn to face her, resisting the urge to brush the strands of hair back from her shoulders. ‘I pretty much only hang out in my room. The rest of the house is nasty.’
She smiles crookedly, unable to disagree that my house is disgusting. ‘Okay. But no funny business.’
‘Right. Unless you initiate it, in which case I make no promises to stop it.’
She swats my arm. ‘I won’t be starting anything, so don’t you worry.’
She follows me upstairs, and I’m glad she can’t see the dumb-ass smile planted on my face. She’s not at all like other girls I hang out with, and I like that. We climb the three flights of stairs in silence and when I push open the creaky door to the attic, Avery steps around me to peek inside. Taking the unfinished attic meant I had my own room. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have heat or air conditioning, I had my own space.
I watch as she takes in the queen-sized bed, neatly made in cream and navy bedding, desk and chair in the corner, a tall dresser and my acoustic on a stand in the corner. The room is large and open, with dark plank-wood floors and beamed ceilings. It’s freezing in the winter and stifling hot in the summer, but its September, so for the time being, it’s perfect. ‘What do you think?’
She wanders over to my desk and looks at the corkboard above it where I’ve tacked various photos, quotes, and clips from magazines. There’s a photo from last summer of me and my mom at the beach – before she went cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs – and another of Trey and me having an impromptu jam session.
Avery points to the one of my mom. ‘You look like her. Same eyelashes.’
‘I know.’ Everyone always freaks over my eyelashes for some damn reason. It’s embarrassing.
Then she turns to survey the rest of my room. ‘You make your bed?’
I nod. ‘Habit I guess. I had to every day growing up. It was the one chore I had to do, and my mom would freak if I didn’t.’
She bites her lip, trying not to smile.
‘Come sit down.’ I slide her backpack from her shoulders and set it on the floor. She sits on the edge of my bed, while I pull out the desk chair for myself. ‘So, are you going to tell me what you were hiding from?’
She looks down and the terrified expression on her face is back.
Shit fuck.
‘Hey, I’m sorry. It’s okay.’ I hold up my hands in surrender. ‘You don’t have to tell me.’
She swallows, the tension in her shoulders dissipating slightly as she draws a deep breath. ‘Thanks.’
‘For what?’ I pull the chair closer to where she’s seated on the bed.
‘For being cool with my…crap.’ She twists her hands in her lap. ‘I guess I expected you to be different. The Jase Owens I’ve heard about is a major player and always…’ She pauses, biting her bottom lip.
‘Always what?’
Her cheeks blush the prettiest shade of pink. And on her fair skin, there’s no denying her embarrassment. ‘Horny,’ she finishes.
I crack a slight grin. ‘Well that part’s true, babe.’
Her eyes widen just slightly.
A sudden knock on my bedroom door interrupts our silence. ‘Hey man,’ a muffled voice calls through the door. It’s Trey. I’m sure he’s been briefed that I’m up here with a girl, so there must be a significant reason for him to interrupt.
‘Come in.’
His gaze registers Avery perched on the side of my bed like she’s ready to bolt, but his eyes slip past her to me. He doesn’t recognize her from Saturday night. Not surprising, given he was drunk off his ass.
‘Stacia’s here,’ he says.
Avery’s head turns to me, clearly wondering who Stacia is.
‘I’m busy.’
Trey chuckles. ‘Come out and deal with her pretty ass.’
‘Fuck man, tell her I’m with someone.’
‘You know she’ll just wait. That girl’s got no shame.’
Damn. He’s right.
‘Okay, tell her to come up.’
Chapter 4
Avery
Hiding behind that dumpster seemed important at the time – I couldn’t have someone from my past spotting me, so I’d dived for cover. But now, awaiting someone named Stacia, I question what in the hell I’m doing in Jase’s bedroom. This isn’t me. I don’t follow guys home. I certainly don’t make myself at home on their beds. This is just asking for trouble. And now clearly he has a girlfriend, which makes me look like an even bigger idiot.
Trey leaves and Jase makes no move to explain. Since it’s too late to escape, I wait. A few seconds later, we hear footsteps climbing the stairs to the attic.
A petite girl with long blond hair rounds the corner and her megawatt smile fades as soon as she sees Jase isn’t alone.
‘Oh. Hey, Jase,’ she recovers and leans down to plant a kiss against his cheek.
God, could this be more awkward? I want to die.
Jase, having perfected his bored-with-life look, nods once at her and then flicks his gaze to mine. ‘This is Avery. Avery, this is Stacia.’
Stacia turns, but her smile was only reserved for Jase because it fades as she takes me in. There’s something she hates about me being up here with Jase, and the inner bitch inside me enjoys that fact. This girl just reeks of fake, and I’m instantly not a fan.
‘I didn’t know you had someone over.’ Stacia’s voice goes soft as she turns to Jase.
‘Well, I do. Did you need something?’ His voice is cool, unemotional.
Damn. This can’t be his girlfriend. Otherwise, he’s a real asshole. Of course I’m dying to know who she is, but I won’t ask. Not sure I could handle hearing that right now. Jase has treated me with nothing but kindness and respect, and I sort of want to continue thinking the best of him.
‘No. Just wanted to say hi.’ Stacia lifts one shoulder, then drops it and I can’t help but notice the way her chest sticks out when she does. The move is practiced, beyond obvious. God, this girl is annoying me in all of thirty seconds. Before the awkward silence has time to fully descend on us, Stacia bounds over toward me. ‘You look familiar.’
My heart stops.
Literally ceases to beat in my chest.
I hope to God she has no idea why I look familiar. I pull in a breath and shrug, working to convince myself it’s just a coincidence. She can’t know.
Desperately needing to change the subject, I ask, ‘How do you and Jase know each other?’
Jase answers for her. ‘Ex-girlfriend.’
Oh.
‘Yeah, some days I’m his ex-girlfriend, some days I’m…what am I exactly, Jase, on those nights you call me and beg me to come over?’
‘You wish, Stacia.’
She laughs, her mouth curving into a victorious smile. ‘Kay, Jase.’
My stomach cramps.
Jase rises from the chair, watching her with guarded eyes, like she’s a wild and unpredictable animal.
Stacia laughs again, nervously this time. ‘I can see you’re trying to impress your new friend, so I’ll go.’
His jaw tenses as he bites back whatever he wants to say. He steers Stacia by the elbow toward the door. ‘Avery and I need to study.’
Stacia pouts but lets him guide her out into the hall.
Once the door is firmly shut, I look at Jase. ‘Are you sure it’s okay I’m here?’ I ask.
He laughs uneasily and crosses the room toward me. ‘You’re saving my ass right now. So thank you.’
‘How?’
‘By helping me get rid of Stacia. She’d hang out all afternoon if I let her.’
I rise from the bed, wondering if he doesn’t want company and if I should head out too. ‘Oh…did you want me to…’
His firm hands on my shoulders stop me from going any farther. ‘I want you to stay.’
The warm weight of his hands is a constant reminder that I’m not as immune to his charms as I’d like. I smile up at him like a lovesick fangirl. Idiot. I silently berate myself that I’ve joined the Jase fan club. ‘Okay.’
‘Sit. Stay. Get comfortable.’
I sink down to his bed once again, chemistry crackling between us, no matter how much I might want to deny it. ‘Okay.’
‘I’ve got psych homework I could do. And you can hide out here, so just relax, alright?’
I want to ask him more about Stacia, but that may lead him to ask why I was hiding, so I zip it and relax on his large queen-sized bed. It’s much more plush and comfy than my narrow rock-hard mattress back at the dorms. Mmm. His bed smells like him. It’s a scent I instantly decide could be bottled and sold.
Jase turns on soft music and grabs his textbook and a stack of papers from the desk, balancing everything on his lap so he can face me. I grab the book from my early childhood development class and bravely settle back against his mountain of pillows. My eyes dart up to Jase’s but he doesn’t seem to mind in the least that I’ve commandeered his bed. In fact, I swear there’s a hint of smile tugging his lips.
‘So what’s your major?’ he asks.
‘Social work. What about you?’ For some reason I expect him to say undecided, but he surprises me.
‘Psychology. Mostly because it pisses my dad off.’
‘What do you mean?’
He grins. ‘He’s a mayor and wants to make a run for congress. He’s always been obsessed with politics…so of course he wanted me to major in political science, or at least business.’
I nod. My dads didn’t really care what my major was. And when I told them I wanted to work in the adoption field, they helped me research the social work program.
‘It was either that or something artistic, and since I’m shit at art and just okay at music, I figured psychology was a safe bet.’
‘Do you at least like your classes?’ I ask.
‘Yeah, turns out I love it. People are the most interesting thing to me anyway, so it worked out.’
‘Did you succeed in pissing off your dad?’
He nods. ‘Oh yeah. He blew a gasket.’
We both smile. Why do I get the feeling that Jase is letting me in on things he doesn’t normally share? And why do I like it so much? I focus on my book for a few minutes, but reading about attachment disorder is pretty dry, and Jase’s mouthwatering goodness is right there on display. It’s hard not to sneak glances at him from time to time. A tiny crease marks his brow as he concentrates, and his lips move when he reads – something he makes look both adorable and sexy at the same time.
‘So, Stacia’s really your ex?’
‘Yeah. But she doesn’t act like it. And of course my frat brothers give me shit about it all the time.’
It’s clear she’d like to take a ride on Jase, ex or not. Hell, maybe she still does, like she implied. I force my eyes back to my book and relax into the inviting bedding. After a few moments of trying my damnedest to read this textbook, I feel Jase’s eyes on me again.
‘Do you ever think about meeting your…um, the lady that gave birth to you?’ he asks, his brows pulled together.
‘My birthmom?’ I was used to teaching people the correct terminology. He nods.
‘Yeah. All the time, actually.’
‘So why don’t you?’
I shrug. Lots of reasons. I’m not sure how much I should tell him, or how much he really wants to know, but Jase is leaning forward on his elbows, like he’s genuinely interested. I don’t typically talk about this stuff. But I trust him enough to let him in, which is odd given that I’ve only known him such a short time and everyone has warned me about him. ‘Now that I’m nineteen, I can go and get the records from my adoption without my dads needing to sign off …’ I release a slow sigh. It’s something I’ve thought about doing so many times, yet some unknown force holds me back.
‘It’s not a big deal. I’ll figure out what to do eventually,’ I add, hoping to lighten the moment.
‘Well, let me know if I can help,’ he says softly.
‘Why would you do that?’
He shrugs. ‘Why not?’
I’m genuinely baffled by his interest in helping me. I know I’m not the best company, only Jase doesn’t seem to mind. That’s probably because he doesn’t know much about me. I duck my head at this realization, drawing my chin to my chest. ‘You wouldn’t like me if you knew more about my past.’
He doesn’t press for details. He just remains quiet and reaches for my hand. ‘I doubt that could be true. And besides, I have waaay more baggage than you, so we’re good.’
Yes, but his reputation is out in the open. He isn’t hiding behind a curtain, waiting for some horrible big-reveal like I am. Jase is still watching me and his soft expression sends a warm tingling through my chest. I have no idea why it is that Jase Owens – reported manwhore – would have this effect on me. Yet I can’t deny that he does. Which is exactly why I’ll need to be extra careful around him.
I blink my eyes open to find Jase standing above me. ‘Avery, wake up. You fell asleep.’ His hand on my shoulder gently rouses me. What? Noooo. I shoot up in the bed, stunned and bleary-eyed. I fell asleep? This is so not me. ‘I should go.’ I leap up from the bed and grab my backpack, hefting it up over one shoulder. ‘Do you have class?’
Jase casually looks at his alarm clock. ‘My psych class started twenty minutes ago. I didn’t want to wake you.’
Oh. ‘Jase, don’t skip class for me.’
Jase steps closer, closing the distance between us. I have to crane my neck to look up at him, and my pulse spikes at the sudden closeness. ‘It’s okay.’ He straightens the backpack straps, his hand lingering on my shoulders. ‘This was more fun.’
What is okay about any of this, I have no idea. His gaze lingers on mine. I should move away, but I won’t. ‘Can you afford to miss class?’