Resisting Her

Cole could read the apprehension on her face. The honest truth was, he didn’t know what happened next, but he knew one thing was certain; he wasn’t taking her back to that house. They both needed some sleep, and they would figure the rest out later. ‘Now we sleep. Come on, I’ll show you around.’

He helped her from the counter, and led her through the condo, giving her a brief tour. He guided Savannah to the living room and encouraged her to sit on the sofa. He was about to turn and head for the kitchen to get her some water and pain reliever, but she silently took his hand and held it in her own, her eyes pleading with him to stay.

He sat down beside her and she wordlessly lowered her head to rest against his thigh, nestling herself into him. Cole couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. He dared not move with her head resting on his denim clad thigh. She bent her legs up onto the couch beside her, curling into the fetal position, and closed her eyes. He didn’t know what to do with his hands and settled for fisting one beside him, and placed the other carefully on Savannah’s shoulder. He let her sleep, unwilling to rustle her from the spot she’d claimed.

When he woke a short time later, it took him a moment to realize who the warm body pressed against him belonged to. Savannah. He lifted his head and surveyed his body, and in turn hers. They had shifted in sleep so that he was stretched out on his back, and she was lying half on him, and half on the couch. Savannah woke when he moved and their eyes flicked to each other’s. He mumbled an apology and disentangled himself from her grip.

He scrubbed a hand across his jaw. He’d never felt so out of place in his own house. The rumble of Savannah’s stomach made him smile and broke some of the tension. She clapped a hand over her belly. ‘Are you hungry?’ He chuckled.

‘Yes.’ She nodded.

‘Come on. Let’s see what we can rustle up in the kitchen.’ He led her into the large kitchen at the front of his condo. ‘I have to warn you though, I don’t cook.’

‘I do.’ Her hand on his forearm stopped him, and she motioned for him to take a seat at a stool tucked under the kitchen island. ‘Let me.’

‘Are you sure you’re up for that?’ Cole questioned.

‘It’ll help me feel better, more normal. I used to cook all the time at the compound.’

Cole relented, sinking onto the seat. The time blinked at him from the clock on the microwave. It was three in the morning. He suddenly found himself thankful that he didn’t have to go to work in a few hours, though given the hour, he wasn’t as tired as he expected. He watched Savannah move about his kitchen, surveying the sad contents of his fridge, removing items from the pantry and cabinets as she went.

‘Sorry I don’t have much.’

‘You have eggs,’ she said, placing the carton on the counter.

He frowned, not able to recall the last time he went grocery shopping. ‘You might want to check the expiration date on those.’

She lifted the carton to read the date printed on the bottom. ‘Hmm. We don’t have eggs.’ She pulled a box from the pantry. ‘Pasta then.’

It didn’t escape his notice that she’d said we, implying it was the two of them together against all the bullshit they’d suffered so far. He didn’t know what to make of that, but nodded. ‘Fine.’ She was holding up surprisingly well, given the craziness of the situation.

She dumped an entire package of penne pasta into a pot of boiling, salted water. Cole watched her movements, and decided he liked having her in his kitchen. A satisfied little smile tugged at her lips, and she moved about effortlessly.

Only once they were seated in the small breakfast nook, nibbling on pasta with a rich sauce she made from milk, butter and parmesan cheese, did he venture to ask about her past.

‘Can I ask you a few questions about the compound…and how you grew up?’ He knew some of the details from reading the files on the case, but he wanted to hear the story in Savannah’s own words.

She nodded reluctantly. Her eyes were skittish—looking anywhere but at him.

‘You just let me know if there’s anything you’re not comfortable answering. And we won’t talk about it.’ He didn’t intend to push her too far tonight. She’d been through enough, but he figured if she was going to be staying in his home, there was some basic information he’d need to know, if only to make sure she felt as comfortable as possible.

‘What was it like growing up there?’

She took a deep breath and began reiterating some of what he’d read in the case files. Jacob wanted to create a perfect community: they grew their own food, sold goods at farmer’s markets, and were entirely self-contained. He taught them that the outside world was a dangerous place, and that people were dirty and couldn’t be trusted. He taught them that germs and diseases spread from sexual contact would eventually kill off most of the population and they wouldn’t be able to procreate, so Jacob’s followers needed to separate themselves to live cleanly.

‘How did your mother get involved?’ Cole asked.

Savannah folded her hands in her lap. ‘She fell for him. He was a charmer, a smoother talker, confident. Easily able to convince people to follow him.’

Cole knew that much from the information the Bureau had collected in the file.

‘He could be very persuasive. When he spoke, people listened,’ Savannah explained.

‘What about you; did you believe his teachings?’

She nodded. ‘At first. I didn’t know any different. But as I got older, I began to wonder. I had this urge to see for myself; it nagged at me sometimes.’

Finding her plate empty, Cole served up another helping of pasta for Savannah before urging her to continue.

She stabbed a forkful of noodles, looking lost in thought. ‘Most of all, I just wanted to go to school. Jacob couldn’t understand it. He tried to convince me it wasn’t safe. Boys out there…’ she stopped suddenly, her eyes dropping to her plate.

‘What? You can tell me.’

‘He said the boys would only want one thing from me — to get in my panties.’

Had anyone been in her panties? And why did that thought make him want to punch someone? He had no right — no claim to her — yet he couldn’t help the possessive streak that surged inside him. ‘Okay. So I take it you didn’t go to school?’

‘No. But I refused to relent and finally convinced Jacob to hire a tutor for me, so I could get my high school diploma. We met at the local library twice a week for the last year. I was one of the few given permission to leave the compound.’

Wow. He’d been right about her determination.

They ate in silence for several minutes. Cole didn’t want to push her too fast, he was happy that she was comfortable talking to him at all.

‘This is delicious, by the way.’ He stabbed a forkful of pasta and managed another bite, though he was stuffed four bites ago. He had a healthy appetite, but Savannah had made enough to feed an army — if the still full platter of pasta on the table between them was any indication.

‘You obviously know a lot about me,’ Savanna said, twirling a strand of long hair around her finger. ‘But if I’m going to stay here, shouldn’t I know more about you?’

He shrugged. ‘What do you want to know?’

She thought about it for a moment, continuing to play with her hair. Cole’s attention was pulled from her brilliant green eyes to her mouth and the way she absently toyed with stray lock of hair.

‘No wife? No girlfriend?’

‘It’s just me.’

‘How come?’

He thought about how to respond, not about why — he didn’t want the responsibility, the heartache that came with loss of a loved one ever again. But he took his time, considering which answer to give her. ‘It’s the way I like it.’

Savannah frowned slightly. ‘Doesn’t that get lonely? What about your family? Are they nearby?’

Cole remained quiet, watching the way her hand stilled its movements when she grew unsure of herself, wondering if she’d overstepped a boundary with that question.

‘That’s another thing you and I have in common.’

Her eyes searched his, trying to understand. ‘Your parents…’

‘They’re gone. Have been for a few years now. It’s just my sister Marissa and me. She’s three years older and a pain in the ass,’ he added, hoping to add some levity back into the moment which had suddenly grown heavier than he’d bargained for.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, her eyes never wavering from his.

Realization sparked between them and their gazes remained locked together. Her eyes softened and prodded his dark stare until they were no longer strangers, but two people connecting from a shared loss that wounded so deeply, it never quite healed.

He took a slow, shaky breath. This wasn’t part of the deal. He couldn’t be getting soft now. Just because he’d brought his work home, so to speak, didn’t mean it was okay for him to get all mushy. Christ, what came next? Crying on each other’s shoulders? Knitting a God damn blanket. No fucking way. He’d do what he had to do to help Savannah. He wasn’t okay with seeing a woman suffer. That was all this was. He would not get emotionally involved. Couldn’t. Not again. He had a cabinet full of prescription meds that were the result of him getting involved in something he shouldn’t have once before.

‘Thanks,’ he bit out, more than ready to change the topic.

The remnants of food between them had grown cold, and Savannah looked positively exhausted. She sat slumped in her chair, her head leaning in her hand.

‘Come on, let’s get you to bed.’ He placed their dishes in the sink and guided Savannah to the guest room.

Cole’s home wasn’t what Savannah had expected. She wasn’t quite sure what she’d been expecting, but the large, modern third-floor loft with floor to ceiling windows and furniture with sleek, clean lines was unanticipated. She was too exhausted to explore, being overtired and fighting off a panic attack would do that to you, but she dutifully followed behind Cole, trying her best to listen as he pointed out things out to her. The small breakfast nook opened to a large living room with an espresso colored sectional sofa facing a large flat screen TV.

She’d already grown to love the large spotless kitchen, with its stainless steel appliances and rustic butcher-block island, even if the sight of it initially caused a pang of sadness to hit her chest. Thinking of cooking made her think of the compound, which made her think of the children. She worried about where they were now, and if they were being well cared for. Especially little Britta. The five year old girl was so smart and so tough, the toughest little girl she knew, and yet she looked so sad when she was loaded into the van with the other children. She hoped Britta was okay. Wished she could find her… But she’d put that out of her mind as she had worked, whipping up a basic recipe for fettuccine alfredo. She couldn’t say she’d ever made that particular dish at three in the morning, but her options had been limited with such a poorly stocked kitchen.

She found herself wondering who took care of Cole, and thought it unusual that he wasn’t married. He was in his late-twenties, he was kind and attractive. But just as quickly as the thoughts had entered her head, she’d pushed them away. She had no business wondering about his love life.

She followed Cole down the hallway, where he pointed out a large marble-floored guest bathroom and his bedroom, which she’d already seen, before stopping at another door just across from his.

He cleared his throat. ‘This is the guest room.’ He gestured for her to enter.

She stepped around him, entering the spacious room decorated in creams and whites. The large inviting bed in the center of the room drew her forward. When she pressed a hand into the center of the plush bed, there was no way she’d willing go back to sleeping on that hard, stained cot. The bed was outfitted in the softest blankets she’d ever felt. She toured the room, running her hand along the smooth curves of the dark wood dresser and then turned to face Cole. She wondered if she’d be allowed to stay. There was something about him — she sensed it from the first time she saw him at the compound. Though she probably should have feared him, she felt comforted by his presence.

‘You can, ah, sleep here.’ He rubbed a hand along the back of this neck. His bicep flexed, pulling against the T-shirt he wore. He had large, powerful muscles in his back, shoulders and arms, but somehow Savannah knew he wouldn’t hurt her. He didn’t strike her as the violent type.

‘Thank you,’ she murmured. She tried to imagine herself living in a place so nice, but it was too big and too empty to feel comfortable. She was accustomed to sleeping in a bunk room with other women and children, relaxing to the sounds of breathing or soft snores. But still, she appreciated his providing this room, where at least she would be safe. She’d already noted the door had its own lock.

They stood facing each other, neither speaking, but each studying the other. Savannah shifted her weight, looking down at her baggy jeans and sweatshirt. She didn’t have a change of clothes, let alone pajamas or a toothbrush, but she wasn’t about to ask Cole for anything else. He’d been too kind already, and she didn’t want to wear out her welcome or cause him any objections to her staying.

Savannah was still standing in the center of the guest room, her bare feet buried in the plush carpeting. Cole suddenly found himself grateful for his sister Marissa’s interior decorating help. He’d resisted it at first, but she’d slowly worn him down, reminding him that he might still be a bachelor, but he wasn’t twenty-two anymore, and he was making good money. She said it was time to live like a grown-up. So he’d gotten a new bedroom set for himself, or more accurately he went along with Marissa to the furniture store, and handed over his credit card once she’d picked everything out.

She’d redecorated his place room by room, finishing with the guest room Savannah now stood in. He’d told Marissa it was a waste of money. This room had never held a guest in his three years of living here; it was where he kept his seldom used ironing board, luggage set and mountain bike. But now watching Savannah walk towards the bed and press her palm into the center of the fluffy comforter, he silently praised Marissa’s intervention, not that he’d ever admit that to her.

‘Wait right here. I’ll be back.’ Cole returned a moment later with a pair of his sweat pants and an old T-shirt, handing them to Savannah. ‘You can wear this if it helps.’

Savannah accepted the clothes gratefully, and Cole left the room so she could change. A few minutes later, he tapped on the door with his knuckles. ‘Are you decent?’

She opened the door and stood before him. The baggy clothes seemed to swallow her.

‘We’ll figure everything out in the morning. Just get some rest, okay?’

Savannah nodded, yawning sleepily. Cole watched her crawl into the bed, his chest tightening at the sight of her in his clothes, looking so small and helpless in the big bed. ‘Night,’ he uttered, his voice surprisingly tight.

He was grateful he had a few days off to help Savannah figure things out. How he would use those days, he had no idea. Of course, he would have to go back to work soon, and he had his Sunday visits with Abbie—which he hoped Savannah didn’t need to know about. But one thing at a time. She was safe and warm in the guest bedroom, and that was good enough for now.

Chapter 6

When Cole woke the following morning, or afternoon as it were, it took him a moment to place the sounds coming from inside his apartment. Savannah. His heart did a little happy dance in his chest at the thought of finding her in his kitchen. He stretched and went to investigate. When he entered the kitchen, his bare feet thudding against the wood floor, Savannah looked up and froze like she’d been caught doing something wrong.

‘Hi,’ he offered, attempting to reassure her.

Her features softened. ‘Hi.’

Cole scanned the mixing bowls and ingredients spread across his counters, and the island covered in a dusting of flour. ‘Did you sleep okay?’

Savannah’s eyes wandered the length of Cole’s bare chest and stopped at the trail of fine hair grazing his lower stomach and disappearing under his waistband. She cleared her throat and looked down at her hands. ‘Mmm hmm,’ she stammered.

Cole bit his lip to keep from chuckling. His muscular physique always got positive reviews from the opposite sex. And he was surprised to see that even after all Savannah had been through, she still noticed him. He worked hard to keep in top physical shape, kick-boxing three times a week, lifting weights, and running the rest of the days. He glanced down at his naked chest and abs. His pants had slipped ever so slightly down on his hips, exposing his lower abdominals and the lines along his sides that formed a deep V at his hips. He tightened the drawstring, doubling the knot. Down boy. Now was not the time to get a hard on.

He rarely wore anything to bed but had tugged on a pair of pajama pants last night just in case Savannah needed anything in the middle of the night. That way he wouldn’t have to fumble for his clothes in the darkness, or risk terrifying the poor girl with his naked manhood. He hadn’t bothered with a shirt; he found the material too damn restrictive. He preferred the feel of his satin sheets against his bare skin — it was the one comfort he allowed himself.

‘I’m making pancakes. I hope that’s okay,’ Savannah said quietly.

A box of mix sat on the counter. ‘Of course that’s okay. Thank you.’ Cole crossed the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, stepping around her and noticing how unaccustomed he was to having someone in his space, though it wasn’t entirely unwelcome.

‘Sorry, I didn’t know how to operate that thing.’ Savannah eyed the coffee maker like it had personally offended her.

‘Come here, I’ll show you.’

Once Savannah had wiped her hands on a dish towel and sidled up next to Cole, he couldn’t resist guiding her in between himself and the counter, so she was closer to the coffee maker, he told himself.

Savannah sucked in a breath at the contact, but didn’t protest, allowing him to maneuver her body as he pleased. He demonstrated how to add fresh beans to the grinder and then how to set the beans to roast, then brew. The coffee maker was fussier than he was used to, but it had been a gift from Marissa last Christmas, and now he was addicted to fresh roasted coffee beans.

Neither of them moved away as the coffee began to drip into the waiting carafe. A sudden vision of lifting her hair off the back of her neck and leaning in to plant a kiss on her soft skin danced through his mind. He was just inches from pressing into her, grinding his hips into her ass. He felt his cock stir and knew their lesson was over.

‘Let’s eat,’ he grumbled.

Savannah stood in stunned silence as he stalked from the kitchen. He grabbed a T-shirt and threw it on before sitting down at the breakfast bar. Savannah slid a stack of pancakes in front of him.

‘Thanks.’ He cast a quick glance up at her. He didn’t realize having this beautiful young woman in his home would affect him like this. He was a professional. He shouldn’t be affected by her.

He watched her move through the apartment, bending at the waist to collect the pile of mail he’d left by his arm chair, shuffling into the kitchen to arrange it on the counter and biting her lip as she studied a spot on the counter before wiping it away. Her lips were full and pink and he found himself wondering what they’d taste like before quickly pushing the thought away.

As she stood at the kitchen counter, Cole appraised her profile. Small but perky chest, dark hair curling around her shoulders, a flat stomach, and a nice shapely ass. He appreciated a fine ripe ass and getting that rounded backside in his palms played through his mind like a song on repeat, no matter how many times he reminded himself it wasn’t happening.

The tiny cut on her lower lip had healed quickly, just the faintest line of pink visible if you were looking for it. Savannah looked up and met his eyes, her mouth dropping open in an unspoken question.

He needed to stop staring at her mouth or she was going to get the wrong idea. He didn’t bring her here for any sinister purpose. He wasn’t expecting anything in return for letting her stay.

He found his voice. ‘Come sit down and eat with me.’

Savannah obeyed, carrying an extra plate and set of silverware over the breakfast bar to join him.

She helped herself to a few pancakes from the platter stacked high between them. Cole was glad to see that she didn’t seem overly self-conscious or shy.

She cut her pancakes into little pieces but still hadn’t taken a bite.

‘How are you doing this morning?’ he asked, trying his best at playing a nurturing role, something new for him.

She swallowed heavily and gazed over at him. ‘Is it stupid that I miss it there?’

The compound? He supposed it was all she knew. ‘No, I guess not. They were the only family you had.’

She nodded. ‘There are some things I won’t miss.’

He left her alone to her thoughts, fighting the urge to push her for details. He appreciated her personality — she didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with pointless chatter. She was more observer of the world than outright contributor, and he could relate. He approached most things with a healthy dose of suspicion, and relationships for him were no different. They were each still feeling each other out, each on guard, but for likely different reasons. She was a vulnerable shell-shocked girl in a stranger’s home, and he was a hardened FBI agent who’d experienced more than his fair share of loss. He rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. Christ, what a pair.

After a few seconds of quietly picking at her thumbnail, she asked, ‘Do you think anyone from the compound could find me here?’

He doubted that’d be possible. She was supposed to be at the halfway house. Though if someone was interested enough and started poking around, the facility coordinator may remember Cole and she could be tracked down through him, but why would anyone bother?

‘Why are you asking?’

‘There was someone…’

‘Someone what?’

She looked down, once again becoming fascinated with her thumbnail.

‘Answer me.’ He didn’t intend the brute force behind his voice.

‘Jacob’s son.’

Cole racked his brain. The file mentioned that Jacob had a twenty-one year old son, Dillon, but he hadn’t been living at the compound at the time of the raid. ‘Dillon.’

She nodded.

‘Is he dangerous?’

‘No, nothing like that.’ She hesitated for a beat, but before Cole could probe again, she released a sigh and continued. Dillon had lived at the compound up until last year. He’d gone away to look for a better paying job, but swore he’d come back for her. Despite Savannah’s platonic-only feelings for him, he was convinced they’d get married someday. He brushed off her hesitations, telling her they were meant to be together and he was going to take care of her.

Cole turned to her and took her hands, holding them in between his palms. ‘Listen. He’s not going to find you here. You’re safe. Okay?’

She nodded. ‘Okay.’

After breakfast Cole announced he was going to the grocery store. ‘Is there anything you’d like? You could make a list,’ he encouraged, sliding his wallet into the back pocket of his jeans.

‘Oh no, you get what you like. I don’t want to be a pest.’

‘Savannah, you’re not.’ His look of sincerity stopped any further arguments from her, but she didn’t provide him with a list. He didn’t want to press it, because even after setting a pad of paper and a pen on the counter, Savannah solemnly shook her head. He didn’t know if her refusal was because she really felt like she was overstepping her bounds, or if perhaps she couldn’t write; so he let it drop.