Slow Burn Cowboy
Or rather, why did it hurt again after so many years of lying dormant? It was his fault. For being in the public eye like this. For bringing it all up again.
“Well,” Alison said, too brightly. Lane figured she had been traveling down her own dark road just then. “Congratulations, Rebecca. I can’t wait for you to officially accept his proposal.”
“Me either,” Rebecca said. “I would never have thought... Well, I would never have thought that I would get married. Not in a million years. And I really never thought that I would marry him. For obvious reasons.”
The reasons being that Gage had been responsible for a terrible accident that Rebecca had been in when she was a child.
Lane didn’t possess that kind of capacity for forgiveness. But she had to admit that theirs was a rare case. Where both of them had been lost in the past, continually punishing themselves for something neither of them was truly at fault for. So in the end it was better they had let it go.
Lane just couldn’t quite fathom how they had let it go with each other.
More power to Rebecca, though.
Nothing had proven more clearly to Lane that she still had an iron grip on the past than Cord’s recent resurgence.
“Crap,” Alison said suddenly. “I was going to bring a couple trays of chocolate croissants that I had left over in the bakery. Can someone help me carry them?” Alison was looking meaningfully at Lane.
“Sure,” Lane said.
“Be right back,” Alison said, leading the way out of the small coffee shop.
It was dark outside, and the streetlamps—made to look like old-fashioned gas lamps—were lit, casting a bright orange glow on the sidewalk. Most of the cars were gone, and the ones that were parked up against the curb likely belonged to people who had walked down the street to Beaches, Copper Ridge’s fanciest restaurant.
Or they had all done a park and ride to Ace’s bar or brewery.
Lane tugged on her sweater, pulling it closer to her skin. Once the sun sank into the ocean, nights were cold and invariably a bit damp when the mist rolled in off the sea. “I thought you might need a little bit of reprieve from those who are one half of a happy couple,” Alison said, her tone dry.
“Is it that obvious?” Lane asked, keeping step with her friend, then pausing while Alison unlocked the door to the bakery.
“Not really. I just assumed you might feel like I did. Come on in.” Lane walked in behind Alison, the room cast in darkness, the tables and chairs inky shadows on the light wood floor. The bakery case was empty, as were all the display cases that were normally full to the brim of pastries and breads.
“I really do have a tray of croissants,” Alison said, setting her keys on the table before heading into the back. Lane lingered in the main dining area for a while, and then followed her friend.
“Admittedly I’m a little bit of a relationship Scrooge,” Lane said, leaning against the kitchen door.
“I’m a lot of one,” Alison returned. “Here,” she said, handing a wide bakery tray laden with croissants to Lane. Then she turned back into the kitchen and reappeared a moment later holding her own. “See, I’m not a liar. I just have a convenient memory.”
They both walked back out into the dining room and Alison set the tray down for a moment so that she could grab her keys.
“Do you think you’re ever going to date again?” Lane asked.
She couldn’t see Alison’s expression, but she had a feeling it was a frown. “I don’t know. I like being by myself,” she said finally. “Nobody gets to tell me what to do. Nobody makes decisions about what I’m going to wear or where I’m going to go. I lost myself in Jared. So deeply that I never thought I would find me again. I wasn’t even sure who I was. It took so long to resurface. To let go of all that fear, that baggage... I don’t know. The idea of sacrificing any of my freedom just seems crazy to me.”
Lane chewed on her bottom lip. “I totally understand that. But sex.”
Alison laughed. “Yeah, that’s a whole separate issue.”
“Have you... You know, since?”
Alison shook her head. “No. Like I said, it took a long time to sort out my own stuff. So, for the time being I’m committed to... Sorting out my own stuff. In every way that applies.”
Lane thought back to all of the tension from earlier. To what had happened with Finn. How she had felt jittery and hollow, and needy in a way that she hadn’t really associated with wanting sex before.
She grimaced. “I guess that’s why some industrious person created vibrators.”
Alison laughed uneasily. “I don’t have one of those.”
“Seriously?” Lane rocked back on her heels. “Doesn’t every woman have one? Every red-blooded single American woman with a career and not enough time for a man?”
“Not this one,” Alison returned.
“Me neither,” Lane admitted. “Which I always thought was weird. Because according to every romantic comedy I’ve seen in recent years we should all have them.”
“Vibrator hype,” Alison said. “I would rather have the real thing.” She shook her head. “Of course, I’m much more likely to get a vibrator than an actual man.”
Lane sighed heavily. It had been a long time since she had dated anybody. Which translated to it being even longer since she’d had sex. More than a year. Way more.
“I think that’s my problem,” she said finally.
“You have a problem?” Alison asked.
“Not a big one.”
But for some reason, those words forced every incident that had gotten under her skin in the past few days into the forefront of her mind. From getting a glimpse of Cord on the news to every touch, every flash of strangeness and every lingering look that had occurred between herself and Finn.
Suddenly, they felt insurmountable. Like pebbles that had been stacked on top of each other and turned into a giant mountain.
“Just enough of one?” Alison asked, wrapping her arm around Lane’s shoulders and drawing her into a quick hug.
“Yes. Just enough of one.”
“If you ever want to talk about it... I’m kind of the master of the unpleasant topic that everyone would rather ignore.”
“Is that what you feel like? Like you have something big to deal with that nobody wants to talk about?”
Alison lifted a shoulder, then went and picked up the tray of pastries. “It’s complicated. Because sometimes I feel like I can’t escape it. Like everyone looks at me and sees someone weak or damaged. Even someone that deserves contempt. Because I stayed for so long. Sometimes I want to pretend it happened to somebody else. I want to pretend that my life started when Pie in the Sky opened. That nothing else happened before then. Other times...”
Her words reached inside Lane and grabbed hold of her stomach, squeezing her tight. She related to that more deeply than Alison could possibly realize. That desire to talk about the horrible thing that defined who you were, and the desire to make it go away, fade into the distance, vanish into nothing.
That big thing that defined everything you were, that was necessary, because you wouldn’t be standing on your own two feet without it, but that you despised more than anything else.
“If you ever want to talk,” Lane offered, “you can always talk to me. Don’t feel like you can’t. I know that I don’t...that nobody wants to make you talk about something that could be painful. But if you want to you can tell me. You can tell me whatever you need to tell me about him. I don’t judge you for staying.”
Alison set the tray back down on one of the tables with a clatter, and then, she wrapped both of her arms around Lane and hugged her close in earnest. “Thank you,” she whispered finally.
Lane wrapped her arm around Alison, then set her tray down with one arm, freeing up the other. And while she hugged her friend, she felt like a fraud.
Because Alison was being raw, was being vulnerable, and Lane had nothing but mountains of secrets that she didn’t share with anybody. Her past had happened outside of this little town, and here she was insulated from her downfall, with Copper Ridge acting as salvation.
For Alison, it was both. The source of her pain and the source of her relief. Everyone had witnessed both.
For Lane, there was escape.
And even though part of her wanted to tell Alison everything, there was another small, selfish part of her that couldn’t bear to bring the past any further into Copper Ridge than it had already come in the form of Cord McCaffrey on a TV in Ace’s bar.
So, she just let Alison be vulnerable. And when she was done, the two of them picked up their trays and walked back to The Grind with smiles pasted on their faces and not an outward sign to be seen of what had just passed between them.
CHAPTER NINE
FINN HAD A strong suspicion he was hallucinating. The sun wasn’t up yet and he could hear voices and the sounds of clattering dishes coming out of the kitchen. That meant there was a strong likelihood his brothers had woken up before him. That was unacceptable.
He looked at the clock and saw that it was after five. Then he swore, grabbing his hat off the top of his dresser and heading down the stairs.
Partway down he met Cain, who had clearly also just woken up.
“What the hell is going on?” Finn muttered.
“I thought this was all normal for you,” Cain grumbled.
“Not the noise.”
Then he heard feminine laughter. And he was left in absolutely no doubt as to who it belonged to. He frowned.
When he got into the kitchen, he saw Lane standing there at the stove scrambling eggs. She was also talking cheerily to Alex and Liam, who were sitting on bar stools at the big marble-topped island eating pastries.
“Good morning,” Lane said, turning around toward him, a bright smile on her face.
“What are you doing in my house?”
She furrowed her brow. “I brought you chocolate croissants, Donnelly. I’m not going to take your guff.” She turned back to the pan, stirring vigorously before shutting the burner off. “And now there’s protein to go with your pastries. Coffee is ready. Have a seat.”
Cain, clearly not caring about the fact that Finn didn’t find this scene to be normal at all, took a seat beside Liam. “Thank you,” he said.
“You’re welcome,” she returned, bringing a plate and the pan over to where Finn’s brothers sat. She set the plate in front of Cain then scooped him a helping of eggs. Then she added eggs to Liam’s and Alex’s plates.
Finn scowled. “I take it you had a relaxing evening at home with the pumice stone?”
She cleared her throat, shooting him a deadly glare. “I am descaled, as a matter of fact.”
“Right,” he returned, moving across the kitchen, not bothering to lighten his footsteps as he stomped over to the coffeepot.
“I do greatly appreciate this, Lane,” Alex said, his voice so smooth it sounded like it was coated with honey. “We have a long day ahead of us, and I can’t say that Finn is much of a cook.”
“If you have a problem with store-bought doughnuts you can cook your own damn food,” Finn said, grabbing the carafe and pouring himself a generous helping of black coffee.
“My friend and his brothers should never stoop to eating store-bought doughnuts,” Lane objected. “Not when I can easily get day-old treats from Alison. Or scones from Cassie.”
“I don’t need your friends’ butter-laden castoffs, Lane.” He took a sip of coffee, one that was too big, and scalded his mouth and his throat. It burned all the way down. He was being an ass, and he wasn’t even really sure why.
Except then images from the day before swirled through his mind, and he had a much better idea. Lane in her bikini, looking like too big a temptation for any man, let alone one who had been doing his best to keep his lust tamped down for a long ass time.
Lane, who had clearly been affected by him in some way and had run the opposite direction. And then had stood there, staring at him like she wasn’t sure if she was afraid he was going to bite her, or afraid she was going to bite him.
And now she was in his kitchen. In his kitchen puttering around like she had every right to be here. While his younger brother—who possessed about nine times the charm he did—flirted with her.
“Some people appreciate the gift of carbs,” she said, her tone brittle. “Sit, Donnelly.” She gestured to the stool next to Cain with her spatula.
“I don’t want eggs,” he said, knowing that he sounded slightly petulant. He took a step toward the tray that contained the croissants and lifted one up. “This will do.”
“You need protein,” she said.
“I do the hell not. If I want to carbo-load that’s nobody’s business but mine.”
She sniffed. “Fine.”
“I’ll take some more eggs,” Alex said, smiling easily as he looked over at Lane, and looked her over a little too thoroughly. Lane filled his plate. “Thank you,” he said, charm dripping from every syllable. The bastard.
Finn’s house felt too full. Too full and too different. When he and his grandfather lived here by themselves there was no noise in the morning. They drank their coffee, they went to work. That was it. None of this conversation crap.
And Lane had certainly never let herself in to make breakfast.
Everything was turned on its side, and he didn’t like it.
His home, this place that he’d made for himself, had helped his grandfather keep alive after the rest of his family had left him by his damn self, was out of his control now. And this need for Lane, the one he’d ruthlessly tamped down for the better part of a decade, was being tested. God help him, he didn’t feel like he was in a space where he could pass those tests.
Not when she looked at him like she had yesterday. With wonder and curiosity, and like she wanted to touch him as much as he wanted to touch her.
It was one thing to push it down, to steer clear, when he thought of her as vulnerable. As someone who needed protecting from his particular brand of passion and possession.
A whole lot harder when she looked at him like a woman looked at a man.
And harder still when she looked at him like a woman looked at a man and was presenting him with croissants.
“I have to say, this is about the grumpiest I have ever seen anybody who was being gifted with pastries,” Lane remarked.
“I have a morning routine, dammit,” Finn said, taking another sip of coffee and burning himself all over again.
“Yeah,” Alex said, “this is better.”
“How?”
“She’s way better looking than you, for starters.”
Lane smiled. “Thank you, Alex. It’s nice to know that I’m appreciated. At least by somebody.”
“I appreciate you,” Finn said. “But I think it’s weird that you let yourself into my house to deliver food. And now you’re cooking.”
“First of all, Alex let me in. Second of all, it’s awfully convenient that you want food from me on your terms, but when I bring it to you without being asked it’s suddenly a problem?”
Liam and Alex exchanged glances. “I don’t think you’re going to win this one,” Alex said. “I would turn back if I were you. And anyway—” he stood up off of the stool “—we have work to do.” He winked at Lane. “See you later.” He and Liam stood and made their way out of the room.
Cain finished eating, and he didn’t seem to notice the fact that Finn was mentally boring holes through the side of his head. Or maybe he did, and he just didn’t care, because raising a teenager meant that he was immune to any and all kinds of dirty looks.
“Thank you again,” Cain said, standing up and tipping his hat. All that was missing was the ma’am.
Obnoxious Texan bastard.
Then it was his turn to walk out.
“I didn’t realize you were so grouchy in the morning,” Lane said, snatching up the dirty plates that were sitting on the counter.
“Possibly because you don’t usually see me in the morning. Because you don’t usually invade my house.”
“Why is it a problem?” She dumped the plates into the sink with no finesse, the ceramic dishes clattering against each other. If they didn’t chip, he would be surprised.
“I...” He honestly didn’t know. Except that he was still wound up from yesterday, and it all centered on her. Well, and his brothers. The fact that he felt like his entire house had been commandeered. That nothing was his anymore.
Broken down like that, it made him feel a little less crazy.
“You’re mean?” She set about washing the dishes, her movements ferocious.
“Don’t wash those,” he said.
“Why not?” She threw her sponge down into the sink and it must have knocked one glass down into another, because there was a loud, dangerous-sounding noise. “I made the mess—it seems like I should clean it up.”
“First of all, I would rather you didn’t do my dishes because it sounds like you’re going to break them. Second of all, you made breakfast—you’re not cleaning up.”
“An unappreciated breakfast,” she said, sniffing loudly.
He sighed, grabbing the back of his neck and rubbing it. “I’m tired. I’m still getting used to all of them being in my house, and I did not expect to walk in and see you too.”
She frowned. “When did I become a problem? When did I become another person who was invading your space?”
He wanted badly to tell her that she wasn’t. Except the feeling persisted. That she was just another thing that felt too difficult to handle right now. But he wasn’t going to say that. Because introducing the subject was even more impossible than just having her here.
“It’s me,” he said, gritting his teeth. “It’s not you.”
She snorted. “Now it just sounds like we’re having a bad breakup.”
“We aren’t,” he said, his tone harder than he intended. “It’s not like that. Friends don’t break up.”
That was the bottom line. Friends didn’t break up. And she was a friend. It was one of the biggest reasons she had always been a friend, and nothing more. Why he had never, ever made a move on her. Not just out of his loyalty to her brother, Mark, but also because he valued the connection between them.
Yeah, he wanted her. But there were a lot of women to want. A lot of women to have for temporary moments in time.
There was only one Lane.
He repeated that over and over in his mind while he continued to look at her. She was hurt—he could see that, her dark eyes looking a little too bright in the dim morning light.
“Good,” she said. “Because you can’t.”
“I can’t what?”
“Break up with me,” she said, a thread of genuine emotion winding around the teasing note in her voice. “I mean, I know how to get into your house. You would never be able to get rid of me. It would make things really uncomfortable. You would be like, ‘Lane, I’m not speaking to you, why are you in my house?’ And I would be like, ‘you’re doing a really bad job of not speaking to me, since you’re speaking to me.’”
“That’s what it would be like?”
“Yes. So, you can see that it’s silly.”
“Definitely. You have nothing to worry about. I have no desire to break up with you.” Using those words to talk about the two of them was weird.
“Good,” she said.
She shoved her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, looking around, the air once again thick between them. He had thought that maybe it was just him. Until yesterday. And that made him mad all over again. It was one thing to feel attracted to her knowing that she was completely oblivious.
It was another when he had a feeling she sensed the tension.
“I have to go,” he said, using the cows as a convenient excuse.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m going to clean.”
“I wish you wouldn’t.”
“And I don’t care. I have a while until I have to go open the store. Just let me help.” She reached out, like she was going to put her hand on him, and he took a step back. She stared at him, and then lowered her hand back down to her side.
“See you later,” he said.
“See you.”
CHAPTER TEN
THE MORNING HAD started tense, and she was still annoyed about it. The day was not getting along any better. First, a shipment of jam that had come in from a little farm down the coast had arrived with two broken jars that had left everything a sticky mess.
The deliveryman—the son of the woman who made the jam—was apologetic. But that still saw her wiping jam off each individual jar in the boxes.
Though, things didn’t start getting really terrible until later that afternoon when a group of giggling women walked into the store holding smartphones.
Lane couldn’t make out words so much as indistinct squeals. “He’s holding baby ferrets,” one of the women said. “I can’t handle it. And then—”
Lane didn’t get to hear the rest of the and then. Mostly because it was overshadowed by more laughter.
“Hi,” Lane said, doing her best to keep her tone bright. “Are you ladies having a good day?”
“Great,” one of them said, adjusting a flimsy infinity scarf. “We’re on a wine tour.”
Well, that explained the squealing. “How fun. I hope someone else is driving.”
“Yes,” another woman, a blonde, told her. “We have a tour bus.”
“Very nice.”
“We just came from Grassroots. What a beautiful place. Set right into the woods, with a lovely private dining space by the river. The view is lovely. And there was an actual rodeo cowboy there. He was a nicer view than the ocean.”
Lane wondered if that meant that Dane Parker was back from the Pro-Rodeo circuit. He was definitely the kind of man that caused a county-wide hot flash with his mere presence. Assuming tall, cocky and cowboy was your type.
He was essentially a local celebrity, even though he was from Gold Valley. But when it came to rural areas like this, being from a neighboring town meant every other community in the vicinity claimed you as their own.
“I do like a view with my drinking,” Lane said, smiling even more broadly.
“Oh,” the woman in the scarf said, “as sexy as he was, he doesn’t have anything on that new senator.”
Lane just about gagged.
And when she found a phone being shoved in her face, a video already playing, she was pretty sure she did. Because there he was, wearing a suit and a red power tie, clutching an armful of ferrets like a little furry bouquet.
What the actual fuck was a politician doing with an armful of ferrets? More important, why did this man insist on being both across the country and in her face constantly?
“It’s at the zoo in DC,” the blonde said. “It’s a whole montage of him holding baby animals while he hears about the various breeding programs. He is just such a nice man. And handsome. Not just for a politician either.”
Suddenly, the woman lowered the phone, and Lane knew she must be registering her disgust in her facial expression. Except, she was still smiling. She realized when she tried to widen it, that her mouth was stretched as far as it could go. But she had a feeling there was a murderous light in her eye. She must look terrifying.
Yet she had no idea how to fix it.
“Are you not a fan?” the phone woman asked.
“I’m a Quaker,” she lied. “I don’t engage in politics. I conscientiously object.”
She had no idea if Quakers voted or not, or if she was remembering that wrong. However, she could see that the slightly tipsy women didn’t know either. In spite of her near apoplexy—or maybe because of it—they ended up buying several packages of crackers and a pound of Laughing Irish cheese.
But by the time they left, Lane felt spent. Wrung out.
This was her life. Until the internet picked a new golden boy. Until his fame subsided. Unless he decided to run for president.
She spent the rest of the day engaging in busywork around the store. When the steady stream of tourists abated, she went into the back and started to cook some dinner for the night. There would be no harm in cooking for Finn again. She wouldn’t have to cross the threshold of his house if he was going to be a weirdo about it. She could just hand a casserole to him and scamper off into the night.