The Future Homemakers of America

3

Gayle didn’t come with us that day. She said she’d sooner stay behind in Lois’s nice warm quarters and mind Sandie than wave off some old king, and that suited Lois just fine. ‘I’d go and watch for a freight train to go by,’ she said. ‘Anything to get off this God-forsaken base.’

I wasn’t so sure, myself. It was a raw morning, misty too, and there was some creature out in that fen making a unearthly noise. Vern reckoned the whole place belonged under the ocean. He used to say, ‘They took this place from the water, and one of these days that water’s gonna come and take it right back.’

He left me to answer the tricky questions from Crystal, such as would it come higher’n our house and how could fishes breathe?

Me and Betty took our girls to school, and I don’t know who was more excited, Deana and Sherry ’cause they got a extra Milky Bar in their lunch-pail, guilt candy from mommy, or Betty because she was getting out from under.

Then we picked up Lois and Audrey and there were sharp words, on account of Lois wearing a red windbreaker and Betty suggesting she could have showed more respect. I drove and Betty sat up front with me, and she never stopped yammering.

‘The Duke of Windsor,’ she said, ‘he’s come sailing in from New York. He’s got some nerve, I must say, running off with that home-wrecker, leaving everybody in the lurch. Ask me, he as good as killed his poor brother, and the queen, of course, the old queen, she’s not been seen. She’s at … hold on, here, let me get this right …’ She’d brought her newspaper clippings with her. ‘Marlborough House, that’s where she’s at. Must be heartbroken…’

Audrey, being no slouch, had been following all of this, but she said, ‘Whoa, Betty, just back up, would you? You just lost me. I thought the old queen was gonna be on this train we’re heading to see?’

‘Ah,’ she said, ‘I see where you’re getting confused. Okay. At this time, they have three queens. There’s Queen Mary. She’s the one at Marlborough Castle. Then they have Queen Elizabeth, who was married to the king, just passed away. She’s the one we’ll be seeing.’

I said, ‘What about Queen Mary? Didn’t she get a king?’

‘Of course she did. He was King … something, I’ll remember it in a minute. Then, there’s the new Queen Elizabeth…’

Lois said, ‘Are we seeing her?’

‘No, no. She’s gonna be meeting the train when it gets to London. See, she’ll have had to stay there, attend to affairs of state an’ all. We’re gonna see, okay, the old Queen Elizabeth and Princess Margaret. And they are…?’ She gave us time, see if we could come up with the right answers. We couldn’t. ‘…the mother and the sister of the new queen!’

Betty should have taught grade school. She was a natural.

I said, ‘Can you hear that? Like something…booming out there?’

Lois lowered her window. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘It’s the Thing. Herb warned me about it. It hides out in these swamps, and when it smells prime American steak, it starts hollering.’

Audrey said, ‘Okay, so we’ve got the new queen and she’s waiting it out in London…’

‘Yeah, right,’ Lois said. ‘She’s smart enough not to come trailing up here. She’s sitting at home, trying on all her jewels, got the royal furnace turned up high as it’ll go.’

‘…so who’s gonna be the new king?’

Lois said, ‘Now, even I know the answer to that. His name’s Prince Philip, and he’s a doll.’

I said, ‘Lo, close up your window. I don’t like that noise.’

‘Sure,’ she said, ‘You worried that the Thing’s getting closer?’

‘It’s a bird.’ Audrey leaned forward to tell me. ‘I read about it. It’s just a big lonely old bird.’

Betty was handing round pictures. ‘Now, this is the Duke of Cornwall. He’ll be the next king, after his daddy. And this is little Princess Anne. Aren’t they cute? I just love these darling coats they wear. Gee, I hope Sherry and Deana are gonna be okay today. Deana looked a little sad when we dropped them off. And Lois…’ She turned right round in her seat, so Lois’d understand that what she was about to say wasn’t to be taken lightly. ‘…do you think little Sandie is in safe hands with Gayle? I mean, I’m not one to sling mud but she does suffer with the nerves and sometimes, well, I’ll speak plainly here, she takes comfort in alcoholic drink.’

I took a look at Lois in my rear-view mirror.

‘Betty,’ she said, ‘you’re right. You don’t sling mud. You just kinda creep up behind a person and smear it. Matter of fact, I think Sandie’ll be just fine with her Auntie Gayle. Way I look at things, anybody married to an airman needs a little something to get them through the day. Huh? Bottle a booze, photo album of Princess Margaret, the sound of Frank Sinatra’s sweet voice, it don’t have to look like a crutch to be one.’ And she dropped the pictures of the little Duke of Cornwall right back into Betty’s lap.

‘Why, Lois!’ Audrey said. ‘That’s almost profound!’

She was sitting forward, peering through the windshield with me, and I was driving like a real old lady, what with the mist and the ice and the fact that over there another vehicle was liable to come at you on the wrong side of the road. One minute they weren’t there, next minute they were, about ten or twelve of them, grey as the day itself, stamping their feet, hugging themselves in their poor thin coats, standing right there by the railroad crossing.

Audrey whistled through her teeth. ‘Well, look at that,’ she said, and they all turned together, like a herd of deer, sniffing for trouble. Like they’d never seen a DeSoto station-wagon in their lives before.

Betty said, ‘Okay, girls. Now remember. We are ambassadors for the United States of America, and this is a grieving nation.’

4

Nobody spoke.

Betty said, ‘Good morning, everyone! Y’all waiting to see the royal train go by?’

Still nobody spoke. I felt her pressing closer to me.

‘Peggy,’ she whispered, ‘let’s hand round some gum or something, show them we’re friendly.’

Audrey roared. ‘Jeez, Betty,’ she said, ‘anybody’d think we were in Sioux territory.’

There were people there wearing black armbands, and a woman carrying a Union flag, no stockings on, just zip-front boots, and her hair rolled up in a scarf, and her legs all wind-burned behind her knees. She kept looking our way.

I smiled and nodded and next time I looked she’d moved a bit nearer.

Audrey and Lois smiled and nodded, and she moved nearer still.

It was Lois made the breakthrough. ‘Hi,’ she said, ‘I’m Lois Moon. You care for a stick of Juicy Fruit?’

Close up she was younger than she’d seemed. Thirty, maybe not even that. She just wasn’t making the best of herself. Matter of fact, sometimes she still don’t. Over the years, I have learned the average Englishwoman has scant interest in good grooming. She’s more likely to buy herself a new garden tool than get her nails done. But I’m running ahead of myself. That morning, back in ‘52, she was plain shabby. And she couldn’t take her eyes off Lois in her red jacket. She came and stood right next to her.

Betty found her voice again. She said, ‘Do you happen to know the estimated time of arrival?’

She took a while to answer. Or maybe just took a while to understand the question. ‘That won’t be long now,’ she said. ‘That’s only got to come from Wolverton.’

Betty said, ‘The funeral train? But I understood it was coming from Sandring Ham?’

She looked at Betty for the longest time. ‘That’s right,’ she said. ‘They’re bringing him from the house up to Wolverton, put him aboard the train and that’s a fair old step, along that lane. That must be three mile. Jim?’ She called across to a man in an armband. Looked like he didn’t have a tooth in his head. ‘Jim?’ she said. ‘That must be three mile from Sandringham to the siding?’

He didn’t answer. Just blew his nose and turned his back on us. Didn’t like her fraternising.

Lois whispered to me, ‘How come we’re getting the evil eye? I thought we were on the same side as these guys?’

Me too. In fact, my understanding was we were owed a little gratitude.

Betty said, ‘Well, we’re very sorry for your sad loss.’ She said it loud, kinda addressing the assembled throng. ‘Your royal family is the envy of the world. And the folks back home are just gonna die when they hear about us being here, so close to it all.’

Audrey said, ‘Well, I don’t know that die was the happiest choice of words.’

Lois said, ‘You guys see them around much? The King and Queen? They drive around in their carriage, waving and be-knighting people and stuff?’

I heard somebody say, ‘Bloody Yanks.’

Then things started to happen. First there was a humming in the rails, and then the ground started to rumble and people were pushing forward, craning and looking left. We could feel that something big was heading our way, bearing down on us, but we couldn’t see it. And then, out of the mist it came, real slow and heavy, a Standard Pacific engine and nine cars, dressed overall in black silk. Someone called out ‘God save the King!’ and every man there held his cap in his hand and bowed his head.

‘And the Queen,’ Lois’s new friend shouted. ‘Don’t forget her!’

I didn’t bow my head. I didn’t intend no disrespect, but we had driven there to see a princess at the very least. I looked long and hard as it passed us, but what with the steam and the mist, I couldn’t even pick out which car the casket was in. Audrey nudged me to look at Betty. She was standing to attention, eyes closed, with a kinda ecstatic look on her face. Then the train slid away, back into the mist, and the ground stopped rumbling and the rails stopped humming and Lois said, ‘Well, I didn’t see a darned thing.’

To her dying day Betty claimed she’d had the best view ever. The Queen, all veiled in black, and the princess, very pale and strained, in a little velour hat and a mink collared coat, who had actually given her a sad wave of thanks.

‘You didn’t see them?’ she said, when Lois started bellyaching and any time after that when the subject was raised. ‘Why heaven’s sakes, girl, what were you doing?’

Our friend turned and gave us a grin. I guess, even with lend-lease food, all that malnutrition must have just ruined their teeth. ‘May Gotobed’s seen them,’ she said. ‘She’s stood as close to them as I am to you. She’s been a backstairs maid, donkey’s years, since the old king was alive.’

Betty said, ‘Oh boy! A backstairs maid! You hear that, Peggy? Go on! Tell us more!’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘May was on her way up with hot water when they found him. She seen him Tuesday night. He was outside having a smoke. Wednesday, she was carrying water up for a lady of the bedchamber and word come, Dr Ansell been sent for. Nothing he could do, of course. King was long gone. And the Duke of Gloucester, he come over directly in his motor car. That’s a cheery shade,’ she said, stroking Lois’s sleeve.

People were leaving. Just walking away into the mist.

Betty said, ‘I just love hearing about all this. I am the biggest fan of your royal family. I have so many pictures, especially of your Princess Margaret. She just looks such a sweet girl. Do you know any stories about her?’

The old guy called Jim was still there, hanging back, watching us. ‘Time you were getting off home, Kath Pharaoh. Careless talk costs lives.’

‘War ended, 1945, Jim,’ she said. ‘Haven’t you heard?’

We offered her a ride, but she came over shy. Looked flustered and said there was no need, she didn’t have far to go. Audrey called to the guy. ‘How about you?’ she said. ‘We have room for a small one.’

‘Save yer juice,’ he said, and both of them disappeared, him in one direction and Kath Pharaoh in the other. And there we stood in the freezing mist, the four of us, feeling about as welcome as a pack of prairie dogs.

Betty gave me one of her pretty-please looks. ‘Oh, Peggy, let’s go catch up to her, can we? Get her number, at least? I’d love to talk with her some more.’

It was all one to me because I needed to drive on and find a safe turning place, highways in England not being proper highways at all.

Lois said, ‘Heaven’s sakes, Betty. She’s gone. Let’s find a bar. Get ourselves a little inner warmth?’

But we soon found her, stepping out at a real brisk pace. It was her flag we saw first, sticking out of the top of her shopping bag. Betty wound her window down. ‘Hi again! We seem to be going your way. Are you sure we can’t give you a ride home?’

She had a dewdrop hanging from the end of her nose. ‘Go on, then,’ she said, and she tried to open Lois’s door, just tugging on it.

Betty leaped out. ‘No, no, you ride in front,’ she said, ‘then you can tell Peggy which way to go. Lois, move over.’

She got in. I looked at her, waiting for her to tell me which way to go, but she just sat there, so I just kept driving.

‘Well now, we should all introduce ourselves.’ Betty was bubbling. She was so happy we’d adopted somebody who knew a servant who’d breathed the same air as a real king. ‘I’m Betty. This here is Lois, and Audrey. We’re from the United States. Our husbands are stationed at the air base.’

Kath nodded. She was tongue-tied.

I said, ‘And I’m Peggy. Guess I’m just the driver around here.’

She smiled. ‘Do you take Blackdyke Drove,’ she said, ‘you’d best go steady. That’s all frez.’

I didn’t know what in tarnation she was talking about, but I soon found out.

‘My name’s Kath,’ she said, ‘Kath Pharaoh. Ah. Now you’ve gone and driv past the turn. That’s easy done, when you’re moving along so fast.’

Blackdyke Drove was just a track, when we found it again. The ground fell away from it, either side, and disappeared into the mist, and the mud had a frosting of ice that crackled under the wheels. I never got out of second gear, but Kath held on to the dash anyway and once or twice her hand came across towards the steering column, like she wanted to guide me.

‘What make of car would this be, then?’ she asked me. She’d been peering down into the foot-well. ‘So, that’s the go-faster pedal and that’s the go-slower pedal,’ she said. ‘I reckon as I could soon git the hang of that. But how does the juice make the wheels go round? That’s a mystery to me. And what’s this?’ She hit the horn. ‘Oh, beg your pardon,’ she said, laughing, and gave me another good look at her poor English teeth. ‘That’s enough to waken the dead,’ she said. ‘That’s enough to waken him indoors. STOP!’

I felt the tail slide a little and I heard Audrey’s head crack against her window.

‘See? You nearly went past,’ she said, real accusing. And there it was. Another sway-back house, hunkered down low, just like Gayle and Audrey’s billet out at Smeeth.

I said, ‘This your place, Kath?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Your friend all right, in the back?’

Audrey said it was no more than a tap and her head was just fine, but Lois thought a little drink would be a good idea. Lois often did.

‘You could have delayed shock, Aud,’ she said. ‘Is there a bar, some place near? One of those thatched taverns?’

‘There’s the Flying Dutchman,’ she said. ‘You don’t want to go in there, though. That’s for men. I could make you a nice cuppa tea.’

Betty loved that idea. ‘Then we can keep Audrey under observation,’ she said. ‘Check she doesn’t have a concussion. And I would just adore to visit with a real English family.’

Lois said a Norfolk fen was the last place on earth she’d want to be with any kinda medical condition. She said she’d want to be right back where Uncle Sam’d take good care of her, but Betty was out of the car already, and Audrey wasn’t far behind.

‘Come on!’ she said. ‘It’ll be interesting. See how other people live. And, by the way, I do not have a concussion.’

Kath seemed kinda proud to be taking us home, like it was Sand-ringham Palace itself. Course, in those days she didn’t know what lovely homes American people had, and ignorance is bliss.

I’ve often thought, if that king hadn’t died when he did, I don’t suppose we’d ever have met Kath or gone driving up that frozen track. We’d just have stayed home and baked cookies, and then a whole lot of things would have turned out different.

5

‘John Pharaoh,’ she shouted, ‘we’ve got company. Come out here and see this fancy motor.’

We filed in, and Aud had to duck her head. Those ceilings were so low she nearly ended up with a concussion after all. It was dark inside. We pushed through a narrow passageway, old coats hanging on pegs.

‘Come on in,’ she said. ‘You’ll have to take us as you find us.’

I could see a wood-range, and a bed, with somebody on it, but my eyes were still getting accustomed to the gloom.

‘I seen the train,’ she said. ‘We give him a good send-off. Jim Jex was down there, said did you want a pup off of his fowling dog, I said no thank you, and these ladies kindly brought me home. They’re from Drampton, with the Yankee Air Force, and you should see the big fancy car they got, windows that go up and down and all sorts. Dear God, that smells like a old hoiley in here. John? You awake?’

First impression was, they only had one room. Later on, when I knew them better, I saw the place where he kept his eel traps. Another little room that could have been fixed up, for a bedroom or something, instead of them carrying on the way they did, sleeping in the kitchen.

That’s where he was, the first time we saw him, just getting up off the bed. Kath gave him the Juicy Fruit gum. She’d had it in her hand all the time, since Lois gave it to her.

‘Straighten that counterpane,’ she said, ‘we’ve got company.’

John Pharaoh was a good-looking devil. He wasn’t tall like Lois’s Herb or brawny, like Ed Gillis. He was soft-looking for a man, but there was something about him. Black curly hair. And a real winning smile. I guess it was the dimples. One of his eyes wasn’t quite right, though, and sometimes it gave him a crafty look, but it had a kinda awful fascination about it, drew you to keep looking at it. Then you felt sorry for staring at a person’s affliction.

He slid off the bed and he waved his fingers, like we were invited to sit down, only I couldn’t see where, there being just the one easy chair and that was occupied by a old yellow dog, size of a hog.

Kath was running around, still in her coat and her boots. She brought cups from a rack by the sink and extras from a cupboard, with saucers that didn’t match.

‘You’ll like these,’ she said to Betty. ‘Coronation saucers. King George the Fifth. A course, the cups have all gone west. Pull up a seat.’

There were three wooden chairs around the table, and my God, that room was cold. Either you stood close enough to the range to get scorched, or you froze. Betty gave me a brave little smile, this whole excursion being her idea after all. She was trying to show her appreciation, being a great believer in the importance of politeness, but there was one thing she did care more about than manners, and that was standards of hygiene, and I doubt those cups had ever seen hot water.

Kath made tea in big brown pot and pulled a woolly cover over it, so just the spout and the handle were free. There was no sugar, and the only milk she offered was Carnation, straight from the can.

I declined. Never did take to tea.

Kath said, ‘I can do you a Bovril?’ but I didn’t care for the sound of that neither. It made me realise Audrey was right. Travel gives you the opportunity to understand foreign ways of life. It can make a wiser person of you. And when I seen how those poor English lived, it made me want get down on my knees and give thanks for being born in God’s own country.

Kath brought out photos, from a drawer. They were faded and creased, but Betty loved them. Picture-postcards of some old king and queen, done up in their fancy orbs and sceptres.

Betty said, ‘Now, correct me if I’m wrong, Kath, but isn’t this Queen Mary?’

‘That’s right,’ Kath said. ‘She was Mary of Teck. And she was fixed up to marry one of the princes, but he dropped dead, so they passed her along to his next brother.’

I said, ‘That’s terrible. I wouldn’t have stood for that.’

Kath said, ‘Me neither. That’s like handing on a dead man’s trousers, still got a bit of wear left in them.’

‘Well,’ Betty said, ‘I guess you can’t let a princess go to waste.’

Lois was scratching the old dog behind its ears and slurping up that disgusting brew. ‘What I don’t understand,’ she said, ‘is why that king had to go outside for a smoke. No wonder he caught his death. What kind of milquetoast was he, didn’t just light up any place he chose? All he had to do was pass a edict or something.’

John Pharaoh seemed disposed to find everything Lois said highly amusing. There were some snapshots of poor folk, too. They all seemed to be kin to Kath’s friend May Gotobed, or some kinda relations to the Pharaohs themselves, only it was too complicated for me to follow. There was one of them standing with genuine princes, posing in front of a mountain of ducks they just helped shoot, but you had to be in the know to tell which ones were which. When they’re not wearing their crowns those princes just look like any ordinary Joe.

Audrey had asked for the bathroom and Kath had taken her, to show her the way, but Aud came back alone, beckoning me from the doorway to come and see something.

Kath was in the car, making believe she was driving. She was sitting at the wheel, window down, arm leaning out, making revving noises like she was barrelling down Route 66, next stop the Rio Grande. She laughed when she saw us watching her.