The Impossible Vastness Of Us

CHAPTER 2

THE HOUSE IN WESTON, Massachusetts, was a mansion. An actual mansion.

I stood on the driveway outside, my neck craning back, and took in the massive redbrick building. It had gray slate tiles on the roof and bright white wood-framed windows. It also went on and on and on.

“Do you like it?”

I swallowed hard and glanced over at Hayley’s fiancé and my soon-to-be StepVader—I mean, stepfather. Theodore Fairweather was in his midforties, tall, athletically built and, I guess, good-looking for an old guy. To top it off he owned a home that could fit our California apartment inside it twenty, thirty times over.

“It’s big,” I said.

Theo laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. They did that a lot. I supposed that meant he laughed a lot. That didn’t mean he was a kind man, though. Those laughing blue eyes could still be hiding cruelty. People were, after all, masters at deception. “It is big,” he agreed.

“You know I love it.” Hayley laid her head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re finally here.”

“I can’t, either.” He kissed her forehead. “It feels like forever I’ve been waiting for you to show up.”

Theo had picked us up at the airport. We didn’t have a lot of stuff with us because Hayley told me not to pack too many clothes. She said we’d need to go shopping for clothes that would help us fit in better.

Right.

I could tell she was excited at the prospect of spending Theo’s cash. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to owe this guy anything. Unfortunately, I was already into him for thousands in tuition fees at some stuck-up school in Boston.

“Let’s get inside.” Theo strode in through the double front doors. We stepped into a marble entrance hall with two large inner double doors that led into the main hall. A grand staircase swept down toward us in a curve. I stared around wide-eyed at the expensive furnishings.

Growing up I tried my best not to feel like trash. I knew people thought we were trash. But I worked hard to remember that no matter what they said, I wasn’t.

But standing in cheap clothes in that big, expensive house, I suddenly felt this overwhelming fear that I would never find my power here, my control. I felt awkward. Unsophisticated. Uncultured.

I felt like trash.

And if possible I hated Hayley and Theo even more for bringing me here and making me feel that way about myself.

“I’ll show you around and then to your room, India.”

The rest of the house made me sick to my stomach with its beauty. I lost count of how many stunningly decorated and lushly furnished reception rooms Theo led us through. The kitchen was twice the size of our apartment. Finally he led us to the back of the house into a more casual TV room. Three of the walls were made up of floor-to-ceiling glass and a twin set of French doors that led out onto a large patio area. I could see a barbecue, large outdoor dining set, lounge chairs and beyond that in the near distance was a massive swimming pool and a pool house that was a miniversion of the main house.

Sitting around the pool, laughing and talking, were a group of kids about my age.

Theo frowned at the sight but as soon as he became aware of my scrutiny he grinned. The sudden change only reinforced my decision to be wary of his character. “Eloise’s out there with some friends. Why don’t we take you out there and then Eloise can show you to your room later.”

I couldn’t think of anything worse.

Immediately the sick feeling in my gut became a swarm of butterflies.

My feet might as well have been weighted down with anchors as Theo and Hayley forced me outside into the late-September sun.

“Eloise,” Theo called, and a pretty redhead stood up from a lounger. She was wearing a beautiful yellow silk dress that looked great against her pale rose skin and probably cost a fortune.

She stepped forward and beamed at her father. I felt a twinge of something I refused to call jealousy as father and daughter embraced—a tight hug that was so full of feeling they would have to be really freaking great actors for it to be faked—and then smiled into one another’s faces.

Theo murmured something that I couldn’t quite hear and Eloise looked chastened. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” Eloise looked squarely at Hayley. “I apologize for not coming out to welcome you properly.”

“That’s okay, sweetheart.” Hayley waved her apology off while I tried not to scowl at them both. Sweetheart? Really? Just how close were Hayley and her new soon-to-be daughter?

“Eloise, this is India. India, Eloise,” Theo said.

Light hazel eyes connected with mine and I tensed. The warmth in them had disappeared.

“Welcome.” She gave me a tight smile.

I gave her a terse nod, which only made her smile tighter.

“I’m going to help Hayley get settled in. Why don’t you introduce India to your friends and then show her to her room. Okay?”

“Sure thing, Daddy,” she chirped.

Hayley squeezed my hand and gave me a bolstering look as though she cared whether or not she was leaving me to my doom. I turned away from her to stare warily at Eloise.

She stared back, not saying a word until we heard the click of French doors behind us.

Eloise crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re here.”

Yes, definitely not the warmest welcome in the world. “So it would seem.”

She frowned at my clothes. “You’ll need to go shopping.”

I didn’t give her or her friend who giggled from a lounge chair beyond us a reaction to her insinuation that my clothes were too cheap for her world.

Pulling on my armor, I did the only thing I could and pretended like I wasn’t intimidated. “Who’re your friends?” I said, walking toward them.

The giggler was a petite girl with flawless golden skin and rich dark brown hair. She was perched on a lounge chair. Sitting on the edge of the pool with their pant legs rolled up were a sun-bronzed blond-haired boy and a stunning blonde girl with perfect porcelain skin and features—they looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch ad. In the pool on a blow-up lounge was a guy with black hair and a curious smirk. Finally my eyes swung to the boy leaning against the pool house wall. He was tall with naturally tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes, one of those boys that were too good-looking to be real, and he was staring at me with cold indifference.

I stared right back with my best I’m so bored I could die expression before turning my attention to the giggler.

To my surprise she gave me a little smile. “I’m Charlotte.”

“More importantly, I’m Gabe,” the boy in the pool called out. He paddled toward our end of the pool and held a hand out while he grinned up at me. He wore his close-cropped black hair in waves and water glistened on his warm brown skin. Freckles a shade darker sprinkled his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, giving his handsome face a hint of adorable. His smiling dark eyes roamed my face.

I bent down and tentatively shook his wet hand. “India.”

“Awesome name.” He reclined back in his lounge chair, drinking me in. His perusal was much different from Eloise’s and I relaxed a little. Maybe I still had a little power. After all, I didn’t magically stop being pretty in Massachusetts.

“I’m Joshua.” The boy with his feet in the pool held out his hand.

The girl next to him hit him in the gut with her elbow and glared at him.

“Ow.” He scowled. “What?”

She shook her head in disgust. “Idiot.”

I ignored her and took his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

It was his turn to nudge the girl. She sighed heavily and looked up at me, giving me the same kind of once-over Eloise had. “Bryce,” she muttered.

I glanced over my shoulder at the boy by the pool house. At my scrutiny he straightened up and walked toward me. He stopped at a lounge chair and sat down on it with a casual elegance you could only be born with. “Finn Rochester,” he said curtly, his voice deep, rich, around those two sharp words.

He was the only one to introduce himself using his last name and I immediately knew I was supposed to register its importance.

I decided then and there I liked him the least—this beautiful, pretentious boy.

“My boyfriend.” Eloise strode toward him and put her hand on his shoulder.

The gesture seemed forced and I had to wonder how Rochester felt about Eloise’s less than subtle claim of ownership.

“And just so you know, Joshua is my boyfriend,” Bryce piped up.

Laughter in my voice at their desperation to claim their boys, I said, “Good to know. I’ll be sure to shelve my inner man-eater around them.”

Gabe chuckled. “No need to shelve it around me.”

“You two—” I flicked my hand between him and Charlotte “—aren’t...?”

“Oh God, no,” Charlotte said.

“Hey!” Gabe splashed some water at her and she squealed like a five-year-old.

“So, California?” Joshua said.

I nodded. “Arroyo Grande.”

“Ugh, the west coast,” Bryce sneered.

I immediately thought of Siobhan and her aversion to all things not west coast. Had I stumbled upon her mirror twin in Massachusetts?

“Maybe ‘ugh’ but I would kill for nice weather all year round.” Charlotte sighed in longing.

“You’d bore of it,” Bryce said. “Four seasons are better than two.”

I didn’t bother telling her that California had four seasons; they just didn’t contrast with one another as much as they did here. I was guessing that information wouldn’t make a bit of difference to change her mind about the west coast.

“So...how strange are you finding all this?” Joshua said. “Theo and your mom getting together... It’s pretty sudden, right?”

I felt Eloise’s eyes on me and understood that she was interested despite herself so I directed my answer to her. “I think our parents are dicks.”

The guys burst out into laughter. Well, Joshua and Gabe did. Finn eyed me like I was some weird science experiment.

Eloise narrowed her eyes. “My father is not a dick and I don’t appreciate that kind of language.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Your father is richer than Jay Z and yet no one thinks it’s a good idea for him to fly out to Cali so I can get to know the guy I’m supposed to call stepfather. Instead I’ve got to leave my life behind and move in with some strange man I’ve never met. That doesn’t sound at all dickish on the part of our parents?”

“My father wanted to fly west to meet you,” Eloise told me with calm disinterest. “Your mother is the one who didn’t want him to.”

I winced and felt an ache slash across my chest. Of course Theo wanted to meet me, and my mother talked him out of it. She probably thought I’d ruin everything for her by telling him the truth or, you know...just by being me.

Pretending I didn’t care, I shrugged. “So do you guys all go to the same school?”

“We—” Eloise circled her finger to include the group “—are Tobias Rochester High School. Finn’s great-grandfather was the founder.”

Suddenly things were becoming clearer.

I looked at Finn but he was staring stonily at the ground.

So these were the cool kids. My “in.” How did I even begin winning them over when Eloise’s chilly demeanor wasn’t exactly inviting?

My eyes slid past Eloise to Finn, who was looking at me again. Or should I say through me again.

Unnerved, I glanced back at Eloise.

She waved halfheartedly to the house. “I could show you to your room, but you probably want some alone time to adjust.”

Hopes falling, I recognized her polite comment for what it was. She was definitely not welcoming me into her group.

“Right.” I pasted on a smile I hoped was civil. “Later, guys.”

“Definitely,” Gabe returned.

I gave a nod to Charlotte as I passed but she dropped her eyes.

I did my best to walk calmly inside and out of view.

Once I had privacy I collapsed against the nearest wall and struggled to draw in breath. I felt shaky, my face was tingling and my breath was trapped in my throat.

I felt like I was dying.

Recognizing the impending panic attack, I struggled to get control over it.

Eloise had made it clear she didn’t really want to be friends, and I didn’t know if it was because she hated my mother—if it was about not wanting a replacement or not wanting her father’s attention divided—but I did know I was being left out in the cold.

School on Monday was going to be just delightful.

Trembling, I slumped to the ground and pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes. I was used to feeling alone in a room full of people who liked me, but I wasn’t used to actually being alone.

I was surprised by how much that terrified me.

* * *

I almost hyperventilated again trying to find my new bedroom. I got lost in the myriad hallways, stairways and rooms in the mansion.

When I finally found my room I was stunned.

Spacious didn’t even cover it.

In the middle of a grand room that had French doors that opened onto a beautiful Juliet balcony was a massive four-poster bed with champagne drapes. The wall the bed was situated against had been wallpapered in gold damask. I had white French-style furniture—bedside tables, a dressing table and mirror with a matching stool. A desk with a Mac sitting on top of it, school supplies piled next to it, a flat-screen TV hooked on the wall opposite my bed with a little shelf holding a DVD player. On the wall by the door was an iDock so I could play my music and hear it through the small speakers that had been fitted high up in every corner of the room. To finish there was a generous dressing room/walk-in and a private bathroom with a rainfall shower and huge claw-footed tub.

It was a suite for a princess.

I loved it. And I hated that I loved it.

It was the kind of room I’d dreamed of escaping to when I lived with my dad. The kind of room I’d never imagined I’d ever get to sleep in.

So I loved it.

I just wished it had come to me in a different way.

“So what do you think?”

Hayley stood in the doorway, smiling gently at me. She was alone.

Eloise’s words from earlier came back to me and I turned around to fully face Hayley. “I think you’re either ashamed of me or ashamed of yourself.”

She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that Theo wanted to come to California to meet me, get to know me, before hauling me across the country into this strange place with strange people. You didn’t want him to meet me...not until it was too late.”

A guilty-looking Hayley shook her head. “That’s not true.”

“Eloise told me that Theo wanted to meet me, but you said no.”

She stared at her feet and said nothing.

It never failed to surprise me that she could still hurt me. Angry, I pushed. “So...what was it? Ashamed of me or ashamed of you?”

“I...” She shrugged and looked up at me, seeming helpless. “I didn’t want to take the chance that you’d tell him the truth. I haven’t told him and I know how angry you still are with me, and I... I didn’t want to lose him.”

I laughed bitterly at her confession. “Isn’t that always the way with you, Hayley? Always doing what’s best for you. Not giving me time to get to know this guy, for him to get to know me... No, that doesn’t work for you, right? So who cares if you rip my world apart again and toss me in with these sharks? As long as you’re okay.”

She rushed toward me suddenly, gripping my biceps hard as she pleaded with me. “This is the best thing that will ever happen to us. I know you don’t believe me but Theo is a good man and he can take care of us. No one can hurt us here.”

“No one but each other.”

Her grip fell away. “Are you going to tell him?”

I looked around at my room, knowing that a guest room would never have been tricked out like this—with the laptop and speakers and school supplies. Whatever Theo’s true character, he’d gone to great lengths to make me feel welcome in his home. “You know, I almost feel sorry for the guy.” I turned back to her. “Marrying a woman he doesn’t really know.”

As I stared into Hayley’s tortured eyes I crumbled. The truth was this could be my perfect revenge, taking him away from her by giving him cold hard facts. But I didn’t have that kind of spitefulness in me. “I won’t tell him.”

Hayley sagged with relief. “It’s the right decision, sweetheart. I promise. I am trying to make this up to you. I’ve been trying for six years. What else can I do?”

“Stop trying.”

I flinched as she raised her hand and brushed her thumb across my cheek. Her eyes were wet as she whispered, “Never.”

I held strong and silent until she left me alone in my room. That’s when I finally let my tears fall.

* * *

“This is exciting,” Theo said. “Our first dinner as a family.”

Hayley beamed at him while Eloise and I looked anywhere but at each other as we sat across from one another at the eight-seater dining table.

After being forced from my new bedroom by Theo and Hayley I discovered Theo employed a driver, a cook, three maids and a groundskeeper. Apparently I’d missed the tennis court and badminton court situated beyond the swimming pool.

They had “staff.”

Staff.

Seriously?

I felt like Cedric Errol in Little Lord Fauntleroy.

As we were served dinner by said staff, I ignored Hayley and Theo as they twittered lovingly with one another until Theo said, “Eloise, why don’t you join Hayley and India tomorrow? They’re shopping for a new wardrobe and could use you as a guide.”

Eloise smiled at her father. “I would, Daddy, but I have a chemistry lab paper to write with Charlotte tomorrow. The paper is due Monday.”

“Oh, well, your education comes first.” He looked disappointed but didn’t push her on it.

I slumped with relief that she wouldn’t be joining us.

“Charles Street has some very nice boutiques,” Eloise said warmly to Hayley. “And of course there’s Newbury Street. You’ll find everything you need there.”

“Thank you.” Hayley turned to Theo. “I’ve never been shopping in Boston.”

“Gil will drive you but Back Bay and Beacon Hill aren’t an easy place to get lost. That’s where your new school is, India. Beacon Hill,” Theo said. “Gil will drive you and Eloise there in the morning and pick you up after school. If you and Eloise end up with different schedules we’ll work something out. Your mother tells me you’re a great soccer player. Tobias Rochester, unfortunately, doesn’t have a girls’ soccer team but we do have a lacrosse team.”

“I’ve never played.”

“Perhaps you’ll be good at it.”

“Does the school have a paper?”

His eyes brightened at my sudden interest in conversation. I think he was pleased that my interest lay in academics. Of course, he didn’t understand that my true motivation wasn’t really about academia, although I did want to get into a good college.

“It does have a school newspaper. An award-winning school newspaper.”

“India was coeditor of her school paper,” Hayley said proudly.

I was surprised she knew that.

Theo was pleased. “Well, we will definitely need to see about getting you on the Tobias Rochester Chronicle.”

“Thank you,” I forced out.

“You’re welcome. Now what else are you interested in?”

“I was on the debate team and I was the theater manager.”

“Well—” Tobias grinned at his daughter “—Eloise has been the lead in the school play for the last three years. Usually they give the leading role to juniors and seniors but Eloise is so talented that she has won every part since she was fourteen. You could surely find India a job behind the scenes.”