Changed by His Son's Smile

The intensely serious expression on his face subdued the nervous laugh that nearly bubbled from her throat. Chase had always been stubborn and tenacious about anything important to him, and that obviously hadn’t changed. She tried for a joking tone. “I’m pretty sure a marriage proposal has a statute of limitations. Definitely less than three years. The offer no longer stands.”

“Damn it, Dani, I get it that it’s been a long time.” He raked his hand through his hair. “That maybe it seems like a crazy idea. But you have to admit that all of this is crazy. That we have a child together is … crazy.”

“I understand this is a shock, that we have things to figure out.” Three years had passed, but she still clearly remembered how shaken she’d been when she’d realized she was pregnant. Chase obviously felt that way now. Maybe even more, since Andrew was now here in the flesh. “But you must know that marriage is an extreme solution.”

“Hey, it was your idea to begin with, remember? You’ve persuaded me.” A slight smile tilted his mouth. “Besides, it’s not extreme. A child should have two parents. Don’t you care about Andrew’s well-being?”

Now, there was an insulting question. Why did he think she’d left in the first place? “Lots of children are raised by unmarried parents. He’ll know you’re his father. We’ll work out an agreement so you can spend plenty of time with him. But you and I don’t even know each other any more.”

Yet, as she said the words, it felt like a lie. She looked at the familiar planes of his ruggedly handsome face and the years since she’d left Honduras faded away, as though they’d never been apart. As though she should just reach for his hand to stroll to the kitchen, fingers entwined. Put together a meal and eat by candlelight as they so often had, sometimes finishing and sometimes finding themselves teasing and laughing and very distracted from all thoughts of food.

A powerful wave of all those memories swept through her with both pain and longing. Memories of what had felt like endless days of perfection and happiness. Both ridiculous and dangerous, because there was good reason why a relationship between them hadn’t been made for the long haul.

Perhaps he sensed the jumbled confusion of her emotions as his features softened as he spoke, his lips no longer flattened into a hard line. “I’m the same man you proposed to three years ago.”

“Are you?” Apparently his memory of that proposal was different from hers. “Then you’re the same man who didn’t want kids, ever. Who said your life as a mission doctor was not just what you did but who you were, and children didn’t fit into that life. Well, I have a child so you’re obviously not the right husband for me.”

His expression hardened again, his jaw jutting mulishly. “Except your child is my child, which changes things. I’m willing to compromise. To adjust my schedule to be with the two of you in the States part of the year.”

“Well, that’s big of you. Except I have commitments to work outside the States, too.” For a man with amazing empathy for his patients, he could be incredibly dense and self-absorbed. “We should just sit down, look at our schedules for after the eight months I’m here and see if we can often work near enough to one another that you can see Drew when you have time off.”

“I will not have my son living with the kinds of dangers Africa and other places expose him to.”

“You grew up living all over the world and you turned out just fine.” More than fine. From the moment she’d met him she’d known he was different. Compassionate and giving. Funny and irreverent. Book smart and street smart.

The most fascinating man she’d ever known.

The unyielding intensity in his eyes clouded for a moment before he flicked her a look filled with cool determination. “I repeat—my son needs to grow up safe in the States until he’s older. Getting married is the most logical course of action. We figure out how to make our medical careers work with you anchored in the U.S. and me working there part of the year. Then we bring him on missions when he’s an older teen.”

“Well, now you’ve touched on my heart’s desire. A marriage founded on a logical course of action.” She laughed in sheer disbelief and to hide the tiny bruising of hurt she should no longer feel. “You’ve got it all figured out, and you haven’t even spent one minute with him. Or with me. So, I repeat—I’m not marrying you.”

Frustration and anger narrowed his gaze before he turned and strode a short distance away to stare at the dark outline of the horizon, fisting his hands at his hips, his broad shoulders stiff. In spite of the tension simmering between them, she found herself riveted by the sight of his tall, strong body silhouetted in the twilight. The body she’d always thought looked like it should belong to a star athlete, not a doctor.

She tried to shake off the vivid memories that bombarded her, including how much she’d loved touching all those hard muscles covered in smooth skin. All the memories of how crazy she’d been about him, period. Three light-hearted years ago the differences they now faced hadn’t existed. Serious differences in how Andrew should be raised, and she still had no proof that Chase wouldn’t be as resentful in his reluctant role as father as her own parent had been.

Now that Chase would be involved in Andrew’s life, she had to make sure her son never felt the barbed sting of being unwanted.

Tearing her gaze from his stiff and motionless form, she turned to find Andrew and get him settled in. Chase must have heard her movement as he suddenly spun and strode purposefully towards her.

The fierce intensity in his dark eyes sent an alarm clanging in her brain. What was coming next she didn’t know, but her instincts warned her to get ready for it. He closed the inches between them and grasped her waist in his strong hands, tugging her tightly against his hard body.

A squeak of surprise popped from her lips as the breath squeezed from her lungs.

This she was definitely not ready for.

His thick, dark lashes were half-lowered over his brown eyes, and her heart pounded at the way he looked at her. With determined purpose and simmering passion.

“I remember a little about your heart and your desire.” His warm breath feathered across her mouth. “I remember how good it was between us. How good it can be again.”

She pressed her hands against his firm chest but didn’t manage to put an inch between them. Her heart thumped with both alarm and ridiculous excitement. “It’s been three years. Too long to just take up where we left off.”

“Not so long that I don’t remember where you like to be kissed.”

Surprise turned to shock when he lowered his head to touch his lips to the sensitive spot beneath her earlobe, slowly sliding them to the hollow of her throat, his voice vibrating against her skin. “How you like to be kissed.”

“Chase, stop.” A delicious shiver snaked its way down her body before he lifted his head to stare into her eyes. “We—”

His mouth dropped to hers and, despite the part of her brain protesting that a kiss between them just complicated things, her eyes slid closed. The soft warmth of his lips sent her spiraling back to all the times they’d sneaked kisses between patients, celebrating successful outcomes, or held each other in wordless comfort when a patient had been lost. To all the times they’d tramped in the mountains and made love anywhere that had seemed inviting.

Apparently, her hands had their own memories, slipping up his chest to cup the back of his neck, his soft hair tickling her fingers. He’s right. The vague thought flitted through her head as his wide palm slid between her shoulder blades, pressing her body closer as he deepened the kiss. It had been very, very good between them. Until it hadn’t been.

Through her sensual fog the thought helped her remember what a strategic man Chase could be. That this wasn’t unchecked, remembered passion but a calculated effort to weaken her resolve, to have her give in to his marriage demand.

She broke the kiss. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“Yes, it is.” His warm mouth caressed her jaw. “I’ve missed you. I think you’ve missed me, too.”

“Why would I miss being dragged out of bed to do calisthenics at six a.m.?” The words came out annoyingly breathy.

“But you missed being dragged into bed for another kind of exercise.”

His mouth again covered hers, sweet and insistent and drugging. One hand slipped down her hip and cupped her bottom, pulling her close against his hardened body.

He’d always teased her about how she couldn’t resist his touch, his kiss. A pathetically hungry little sound filled her throat as she sank in deeper, doing a very good job proving he’d been right.

But that was before, her sanity whispered.

Yanking her mouth determinedly from his, she dragged in a deep, quivering breath. “This won’t work. I know your devious strategies too well.”

His lips curved and his dark eyes sparked with liquid gold. “I think you’re wrong. I think it’s working.” He lifted one hand to press his fingers to her throat. “Your pulse is tachycardic and your breath is all choppy. Both clear indications of sexual desire.”

“Thanks for the physiology lesson.” She shoved hard at his chest to put a few inches between them and felt his own heart pounding beneath her hands. At least she wasn’t the only one feeling the heat. “But memories of good sex do not make a relationship. And definitely not a marriage.”

“So we make new memories.” His big hands cupped her face as his mouth joined hers again, and for a brief moment she just couldn’t resist. Softening, yielding to the seductive, soft heat of his kiss, to the feel of his thumbs feathering across her cheekbones, until her brain yelled his words of three years ago. That, despite what he said now, marriage and a family were the last things he ever wanted.

She couldn’t let him see the pathetic weakness for him that obviously still lurked inside her. She had to stay strong for Andrew.

The thought gave her the will to pull away completely and shake the thick haze from her brain, ignoring the hot tingle of her lips. “This is not a good idea,” she said again, more firmly this time. “Our … relationship … needs to be based on logic, just like you said. None of this to muddy things up.”

“You used to like things muddied up.”

The teasing half-smile and glint in his eyes made her want to kiss him and wallop him all at the same time. “I need to rescue Trent. You can meet Andrew, but I don’t want to tell him about … you … tonight. Let him spend a little time with you first.”

“So long as you understand this conversation isn’t over.”

Conversation? Was that what they’d been having? “I’d forgotten what a prince complex you have, bossing everyone around.”

She headed in the direction Trent and Andrew had disappeared, relieved to be back on stable ground without the confusion of his touch, his kiss. Then realized she hadn’t a clue where they’d gone. “Where is the kitchen anyway?”

Chase strode forward with the loose, athletic stride she’d always enjoyed. As though he was in no hurry to get where he was going but still covered the ground with remarkable speed.

“This way.”

His warm palm pressed her lower back again as he pulled a penlight from his pocket, shining it on the ground in front of her. “Watch your step. Rocks sometimes appear as though they rolled there themselves.”

As they walked in the starlight, the whole thing felt surreal. The heat of his hand on her back, the timbre of his voice, the same small, worn penlight illuminating the dusty path. As though the years hadn’t passed and they were back in Honduras again, feeling close and connected. She stared fixedly at the uneven path, determined to resist the gravitational pull that was Chase Bowen.

Chase shoved open a door and slipped his arm around her waist, tucking her close to his side as he led her down a short hallway. Quickly, she shook off his touch.

“Stop,” she hissed. “Drew needs to get to know you without your hands all over me.”

“Sorry. It’s so nice to touch you again, I keep forgetting.” He raised his palms to the sky, the picture of innocent surrender, and she again had the urge to punch the man who obviously knew all too well how easily he could mess with her equilibrium.

Several camp lights dully lit the room, showing Drew sitting at a high metal table, his legs dangling from a tall stool. The low light didn’t hide the melted ice cream covering the child’s face from the tip of his nose down, dripping from his chin.

“Hi, Mommy!” He flashed her a wide grin and raised the soggy cone as if in a toast, chocolate oozing between his fingers. “Dis ice cream is good!”

“I can see that.” She nearly laughed at the guilty look on Trent’s face as Drew began to lap all around the cone, sending rivulets down his arm to his elbow.

“I’ll clean him up.” Trent waved his hand towards Drew, looking a little helpless. “Didn’t see the point of it until he was done.”

“Don’t worry, making messes is what Drew does best,” she said, giving Trent a reassuring smile. “Right, honey?”

“Wight!” Drew shoved his mouth into the cone, and the softened ice cream globbed onto the table. He promptly dropped his face to slurp it straight from the flat metal surface then swirled his tongue, making circles in the melty chocolate.

“Okay, no licking the table.” Chase probably thought she’d never taught the boy manners. Hastily, she walked over to lift his wet, sticky chin with her palm. “Finish your cone, then we’ll find out where we’re sleeping. And you’d better do it quick, ‘coz it’s about to become all cream without the ice part.”

“You know, Drew,” Chase said in a jocular tone that sounded a little forced, “when you stick your tongue out like that, you look like a lizard. We have big ones around here. Maybe tomorrow we’ll look for one.”

Drew’s eyes lit and he paused his licking to look up at Chase. “Lizards?”

“Yep. Maybe we’ll catch one to keep for a day or two. Find bugs to feed it.” Chase moved from the sink with two wet cloths in his hands. His thick shoulder pressed against Dani’s as he efficiently wiped the chocolaty table with one cloth then handed it to Trent, whose expression was a comical combination of amusement and disgust.

Chase lifted the other cloth to Drew’s mouth, his gaze suddenly riveted on the little boy’s face. Their baby’s face. Still cupping Drew’s chin in her hand, Dani stared at Chase. Every emotion crossed his face that she’d long imagined might be there if he knew about his son. Within the shadowy light she imagined that through all those mixed emotions it wasn’t horror that shone through but joy. Or was that just wishful thinking?

Her breath caught, remembering how many times in the past two and a half years she’d thought about what this moment might be like. After the miracle of Drew as a newborn and when he’d cried through the night. When he’d first smiled. Crawled. Run.

Her throat closed and she fought back silly tears that stung the backs of her eyes as Chase lifted his gaze to hers, wonder filling his.

The sound of Trent clearing his throat broke the strange spell that seemed to have frozen the moment in time.

“I’m going to head to my room, you three. See you in the a.m.,” Trent said, smiling at Drew.

Heat filled Dani’s face. “I appreciate you getting him the ice cream. I don’t think there’s much doubt he enjoyed it.”

“Yeah, thanks, Trent.” Chase and he exchanged a look and a nod before Trent took off, and Dani could see the two of them were good friends. Something that often happened when working in the GPC community, but not always. Occasionally personalities just didn’t mesh and a strictly professional relationship became the best outcome.

Then there were those rare times that an intimate relationship took over your whole world.

“I think this one’s done, Lizard-Boy,” Chase said, taking what remained of the soggy cone and tossing it in the trash. He took over the clean-up with an efficiency that implied he’d had dozens of children in his life, wiping Drew’s hands then pulling Dani’s hand from her son’s chin, about to take care of his gooey face, too.

The frown on Drew’s face as he stared at the stranger washing his face while his mother stood motionless snapped her out of her stupor.

She tugged the cloth from Chase’s hand and took over. “I’m not sure if you ate the cone, or the cone ate you,” she said lightly. She rinsed it again, along with her own sticky hand, before dabbing at the last spots on Drew’s face.

“Dat’s enough, Mommy.” Drew yanked his head away as she tried for one last swipe of his chin.

Spud poked his head into the kitchen. “Everything’s ready, if you are, Dani. Tomorrow Ruth is coming to meet both of you and take care of Drew while we give you the low-down around here.”

“Great. Thanks.” She lifted Drew onto her hip and turned to Chase, inhaling a fortifying breath. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes.” His gaze lingered on Drew. When he finally looked at Dani, his eyes were hooded and his expression serious. “Tomorrow will be a big day.”

Dani awoke to a cool draft, and she realized Drew was in the process of yanking off her bed sheet.

“Hey, you, that’s not nice. I’m sleeping.”

No way could it be morning already. She pulled the covers back to her chin but Drew tugged harder.

“Get up. I hungry.”

She peeled open one eye. From the crack visible between the curtains, it looked like the sun had barely risen above the horizon. “It’s too early to be hungry.”

“Uh-uh. My tummy monsters are growling.”

Even through her sleep-dulled senses Dani had to smile. Drew loved the idea of feeding the “monsters” that growled in his stomach. “What color monster’s in there today?”

“Blue. And green. Wif big teeth.”

He tugged again. Dani sighed and gave up on the idea of more sleep. Doubtless both their body clocks were off, and no wonder. Sleeping on a plane was something she never managed to do well, but Drew had conked out both on the plane and in the car, and she’d been amazed he’d slept at all once he’d got into bed.

“All right. Let’s see what there is to eat.”

She threw on some clothes but left Drew in his Spiderman pajamas. It took a minute to remember which door led to the kitchen, and she hesitated in the hallway. Getting it wrong and ending up in someone’s bedroom was an embarrassment she didn’t need. Cautiously, she cracked open the door, relieved to see a refrigerator instead of a sexy, sleeping Chase Bowen.

“Let’s see what your monster wants,” she said, pushing the door wide as she nudged Drew inside. To her surprise, Trent was sitting at the table, sipping coffee and reading.

“When I took this job, no one told me the hours here were dawn to dusk,” Dani joked as she plopped Drew onto the same stool he’d sat on the night before.

“Spud’s a slave driver, I tell you,” Trent said with an exaggerated sigh. “Actually, I just finished up an emergency surgery. Clinic hours don’t usually start until nine. Coffee?”

He started to get up, but she waved her hand when she spied the percolator on the counter. “Thanks, I’ll grab it myself.” Last night, the darkness had obscured most of the kitchen, but this morning showed it to be big and functional, if a bit utilitarian.

“So, do you and Chase share a room?” As soon as the words left her mouth she wondered why in the world she’d asked. She stared into her cup as she poured, heat filling her face at the look of impassive assessment Trent gave her in response.

“No. The medical workers used to stay with families nearby, but they built the sleeping quarters you’re in a couple years ago, with small rooms for everyone.”

“Oh. Can you tell me where there’s oatmeal or something for Drew?”

“Top cupboard on the left. Spud fixes breakfast around eight. Chase runs every morning.” He leaned his back against the table and sipped his coffee. “But you probably know that.”

She did know. The man was a physical fitness nut. “How long have you worked with Chase?”

“We’ve worked together in the Philippines and Ghana. Been here a year. Both our commissions are up, but we’re hanging around until there are other surgeons here and we get new assignments.”

Did that mean Chase might not be here long? A sharp pang of dismay stabbed at her, which was both ridiculous and disturbing. Shouldn’t she feel relief instead? It would be so much better for Drew if Chase moved on before the two got too close.

“Mommy, I need food,” Drew said, fidgeting on his stool.

Lord, she had to be sure this whole mess didn’t distract her from the work she’d come to Africa to do. If she couldn’t even get Drew’s breakfast going, she was in serious trouble.

In a sign that their new, temporary home was practically made for her and Drew, two of his favorite foods sat in the cupboard. Dani microwaved the apple-flavored oatmeal and opened a box of raisins.

Trent got up and pulled some construction paper and crayons from a drawer to place them in front of Drew, poking a finger at his pajama top. “While your mom gets your breakfast, how about drawing me a picture of Spiderman climbing a wall?”

Wow, the man sure knew kids, and she wondered what Trent’s story was. Just as she was about to ask, he beat her to the questions.

“So, obviously you and Chase go back a while. Where did you meet?”

“Honduras.” Back then, her expectations for mission work had been so starry-eyed and naive. And the last thing she’d expected was to meet a hunky, dynamic doctor who’d knocked her socks off. Among other things.

Apparently, Trent expected more than a one-word answer, looking at her speculatively. It was pretty clear he wondered if her arrival was bad for Chase. Her stomach twisted. Who knew if this situation they were in was good or bad for any of them?

“I’d just finished my pediatric residency and wanted to do something important for a while,” she said, tucking raisins into the steamy oatmeal to make a smiley face. “Go where kids don’t get the kind of medical care we have at home.”

She didn’t add that she’d stayed months after her contract was up because she hadn’t been ready to say goodbye. Knew she’d never be ready. Until she was forced to be.

She slid Drew’s artwork aside to make room for his breakfast. He picked the raisins out one at a time and shoved them in his mouth. “He can’t see now! I ate his eyes!”

A smile touched Trent’s face as he watched Drew dig into his breakfast, but when he turned to Dani, his expression cooled.

“So, why didn’t you tell Chase? Frankly, I think that’s pretty lame.”

She gulped her coffee to swallow the burning ache in her chest that was anger and remorse combined. Who was he to judge her without knowing Chase’s attitude? Without knowing she’d had to protect her baby? Without knowing how hard it had been to leave the man she’d fallen crazy in love with?

“Listen, I—”

The kitchen door swung open and the man in question walked in, which immediately sent her pulse hammering at the thought of what lay ahead of them. Telling Drew, and what his reaction would be when he learned Chase was his daddy. What demands Chase might or might not make in being a part of his son’s life. How it all could be balanced without Drew getting hurt.

Chase filled the doorway, sweat glistening on his tanned arms and face, spikes of dark hair sticking to his neck. A faded gray T-shirt damply clung to his broad chest, his running shorts exposing his strong calves and thighs. His brows rose as he paused in mid-stride, wiping his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt.

“What is this, a sunrise party? Not used to seeing anyone in here this early.”

She tore her gaze from his sexy body to focus on wiping Drew’s chin. “Andrew needed food more than he needed sleep. Guess we’re not on West Africa time yet.”

Chase grabbed a bottle of cold water from the fridge and took a big swig as he leaned his hip against the counter, his attention fixed on Drew. Dani found herself staring as he swallowed. As his tongue licked droplets of water from his lips.