Tempestuous Affair

‘Well, he’s never mentioned that to me,’ she shook her head.

‘He’s mentioned it to me!’ he rasped. ‘And I warned him off you. It took me long enough to find you!’

Lindsay stiffened as he confirmed what she had always thought to be true, that she was more important to him as a secretary than as the woman he lived with! ‘I’ve told you,’ she said coldly, ‘I’m still your secretary.’

‘For as long as I want you to be,’ he scorned.

‘Yes,’ she nodded.

‘I want you back where you belong!’ he grated, glaring at her. ‘At the apartment.’

‘I belong here, this is my home.’

‘Your home is with me!’

She moistened suddenly dry lips. ‘Joel, I——’

‘I’m not going to beg,’ he cut in angrily. ‘If I leave without you now I’ll never ask you again.’

She knew he meant it, knew he possessed a stubbornness that was equal to none, that pride often held him back from asking anything of anyone. ‘I’ll see you at nine o’clock on Monday morning,’ she told him softly, seeing the anger flare up anew in his eyes, knowing at that moment that he really hadn’t believed when he came here tonight that he would have to leave without her.

‘Damn you, then, Lindsay Pope!’ he bit out furiously, striding towards the door. ‘I never ask a woman for a second time!’ he warned her raggedly.

She looked at him with unflinching green eyes. ‘I’m counting on it.’

The apartment reverberated from the slam he gave the door as he left, and Lindsay winced from the aftershock, sitting down weakly in one of the armchairs. Whatever Joel had made of her last comment she knew that if he persisted in chasing after her she would eventually have given in. And that would just take her back to the same situation she had needed so desperately to escape from.

But it hadn’t been easy to say no to him, and she shook from the need to run after him and tell him it had all been a mistake. But common sense held her back—that, and the knowledge that she couldn’t suffer through another six months of knowing she meant nothing to him only to have him then turn around and ask her to leave because he was bored with her.

But it was going to be far from easy working, and seeing him every day, in future!

‘All right, Lindsay,’ her sister Judi, the older by two years, encouraged. ‘You can tell me what’s troubling you now that Mike’s gone out.’

Lindsay had driven down to spend the day with her family at the house in Cambridgeshire, only to find her mother out for the morning at church, and her tormenting younger brother Mike refusing to leave the house in case he missed any of their gossip, finally being persuaded to do so by a couple of his friends who called round.

She sighed at her sister’s perception. ‘You have to know some time, Judi. I’ve left Joel.’

Her sister frowned. She was as blonde and pretty as Lindsay, with an underlying sadness always present in her hazel eyes. ‘I thought you were happy together,’ she prompted gently.

‘Joel was,’ Lindsay corrected pointedly. ‘As long as I didn’t make any emotional demands on him.’

Judi’s expression was full of compassion. ‘And you made some, hmm?’

‘I had more sense than to try!’ she sighed. ‘It just didn’t work out, Judi,’ she explained in a stronger voice. ‘I thought I could be the one to change his mind about love and marriage. It must be the biggest deception a woman can give herself,’ she added self-derisively.

‘It was worth a try when you love him so much,’ her sister comforted.

Lindsay’s mouth twisted wryly. ‘I’m sure Mother doesn’t think so!’

‘You mustn’t mind her,’ Judi said gently. ‘She doesn’t understand anything except marriage, it’s just the way she expects things should be.’

Their mother had been left a widow five years ago, had enjoyed a happy married life with their father for over twenty years, and she just couldn’t understand—or forgive—Lindsay for simply moving in with Joel the way that she had. Nothing much had been said, the disapproval being mainly silent, but Lindsay had been as aware of it as if her mother had shouted it from the rooftops.

She had tried to persuade Joel to visit her mother sure that once the two of them met they would get on together. Joel had refused, and her mother had been unenthusiastic about the idea too, always complaining about their living arrangements when Lindsay visited home alone. To make matters worse Mike considered her living with Joel was really great, further encouraging her mother’s disapproval. If she needed any encouraging!

‘Do you think I was wrong, Judi?’ she voiced her uncertainty to her sister.

‘Not when you loved him so much,’ Judi shook her head.

‘But you and Jonathan never—I mean——’

‘No, we didn’t,’ Judi confirmed hollowly. ‘But I’ll always wish that we had.’

Lindsay’s eyes widened. ‘You will?’

Judi nodded. ‘But he refused to once he knew how ill he was, said he didn’t want us to have any accidents that would maybe prevent my marrying after—after he was gone. As if I’ll ever want to marry anyone else now that he’s dead!’

Judi’s fiancé Jonathan had died two years ago of leukaemia, leaving everyone who knew and loved him devastated by his loss, Judi had never recovered from losing her childhood sweetheart so tragically, the two of them having dated since they were at school together, and Lindsay now felt guilty about introducing a subject that could still upset her sister so much.

‘I’m sorry, love,’ one of her hands covered Judi’s. ‘I shouldn’t have probed.’

The hazel eyes were shadowed with memories. ‘It’s a relief to be able to talk about him, actually. Mother avoids the subject as if he never existed. And she keeps bringing up the fact that she doesn’t have any grandchildren yet.’

Lindsay’s mouth twisted wryly. ‘Then I must be a double disappointment to her.’

Judi smiled comfortingly. ‘I think we’re all a disappointment to her—even poor Mike gets nagged about how irresponsible he is, and he’s only eighteen!’

Lindsay shook her head. ‘I can’t understand why you continue to stay here. Mother certainly doesn’t appreciate you.’ Lindsay had taken the first opportunity she could to escape her mother’s oppressive attitude after their father died, having moved to London as soon as she had the job to do so.

‘I don’t mind,’ Judi smiled again. ‘My job is here, and most of my friends are too. And when it gets too much for me at home I can always go up to London for a few days to visit my notorious sister!’ she added mischievously.

Lindsay grimaced. ‘I dread to think what Mother’s going to say when I tell her I’ve left Joel.’

‘Do you have to?’ her sister sympathised.

‘I suppose I should,’ she pulled a face at the thought.

As it turned out her mother was the one to introduce the subject. ‘I telephoned you several times last week.’ She looked at Lindsay accusingly, a small plump woman with prematurely grey hair who didn’t look as if she could possibly be the mother of such a tall family. ‘That man Maybury kept telling me you weren’t at home. I would have thought, with—with Mr Sutherland away,’ she even had difficulty mentioning his name, ‘that you would have stayed in during the evenings. I know the two of you have an—unorthodox arrangement,’ she added haughtily, ‘but I’m sure he wouldn’t like the idea of you going out without him like that.’

Lindsay shot Judi a resigned look. ‘I wasn’t at the apartment, Mother, because I’ve moved out,’ she told her bluntly, knowing there was no other way.

Pale green eyes sharpened suspiciously. ‘Moved out? What do you mean?’

She sighed, aware that her young brother was all ears as they sat around the luncheon table. ‘I’ve moved back to my own apartment,’ she explained.

‘Why?’

Her brows rose at her mother’s vehemence. ‘I thought you’d be pleased by the news.’

‘Pleased!’ her mother echoed shrilly. ‘You disgrace the whole family by moving in with that—that man,’ she amended at Lindsay’s frowning look, ‘and now you expect me to be thrilled that you’ve moved out again!’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, I’m not.’ She stood up noisily, leaving her meal only half eaten. ‘You’ll be ruined by this, Lindsay,’ she warned agitatedly. ‘The whole family has been ruined by your selfishness!’ and she stormed from the room.

Lindsay was trembling in reaction to the explosion, giving a shaky laugh to break the tense silence. ‘So much for motherly love,’ she derided.

Judi gave a regretful sigh. ‘She’s just surprised, she expected you to marry Joel.’

‘She wasn’t the only one,’ Lindsay choked.

‘Does this mean you won’t let me look around Joel’s photographic studio?’ Mike put in disappointedly.

‘Mike!’ Judi reproved him frowningly. ‘Can’t you see Lindsay is upset?’ she glared at him.

‘But she was the one who left him——’

‘Oh, be quiet, Mike!’ Judi snapped with uncharacteristic sharpness. ‘Maybe when you’re a bit more mature you’ll understand.’

He stood up. ‘I wish you’d all realise that I am mature!’ He slammed out of the room disgustedly.

Lindsay pulled a rueful face. ‘I think his pride is injured.’

‘Then he should think a bit more before he speaks. Don’t worry,’ Judi assured her as she still looked concerned, ‘I’ll talk to him later.’

‘And Mother?’

Her sister shrugged. ‘She may take a little longer coming round, but she will eventually.’

‘I needed her understanding now, not eventually!’ Lindsay said with bitterness.

Judi sighed. ‘I’m sorry, love.’

So was she, sorry she had ever told her mother about Joel. And she needn’t have done; she could have lied to the whole family, could have simply told them she was changing apartments, and they would have been none the wiser. But she hadn’t; she had been honest about her actions, had borne her mother’s disapproval without demur. It would have been better for everyone, including herself, if she had never heard of Joel Sutherland.

And yet as she lay alone in her bed that night she couldn’t help thinking about him, wondering if he too were lying alone in the huge double bed they had shared for so long. Somehow she doubted it; he had never wasted time in replacing his women in the past.

God, how she ached to be with him now, wished she could go back six months to when she had first moved in with him, could live that time all over again.

Joel had been escorting one of his models for several weeks when she first went to work for him, a beautiful redhead who had lasted only two more weeks before she was replaced by an even more beautiful brunette.

After that Lindsay had watched a stream of lovely women enter and leave his life, none of them touching him emotionally, although several of them claimed to have fallen in love with him, a couple of them crying on Lindsay’s shoulder when she told them she had strict instructions from Joel not to let them into his studio or put their calls through. Their replacement would usually shortly be replaced herself, with the same emotional result.

At first Lindsay had watched this succession of beautiful women with amusement, and then with dismay as she realised she had joined their ranks and fallen in love with Joel herself. She had panicked then, handing in her notice, sure she would get over him if she didn’t have to see him every day, knowing that she would mean no more to him than just being his secretary. But Joel had other ideas; he invited her out to dinner with the supposed intention of talking her into changing her mind about leaving. Dinner had progressed to a quiet club Joel knew, the two of them talking as they had never talked before, Joel kissing her goodnight after taking her home, a light promising kiss that made her ache for more. When he had invited her out the next evening neither of them had mentioned the fact that she had intended leaving his employment. Joel’s goodnight kiss was more demanding this time; the two of them being completely alone in her apartment, although he took it no further than a kiss.

Over the next week their relationship developed rapidly from that of employer and employee, although once he realised she was still a virgin Joel refrained from forcing a conclusion to the rapidly spiralling sexual tension that now existed between them. Lindsay kept waiting for the axe to fall on their relationship, knowing that Joel had never settled for less than a full physical commitment before. But he had brought to an end the tense frustration in a way she had never expected, by asking her to move into his apartment with him on a trial basis.

She knew he had never done anything like that before, preferring to remain at his apartment while his women stayed in theirs. A living together arrangement was far from what she wanted, but the mere fact that Joel had never lived with anyone before gave her hope that they would eventually have a permanent future together.

She should have known better! Joel always treated her well, never demanded anything of her, respected her independence from him at all times. And of course that was part of the trouble. A man in love would have wanted her to be a little more dependent on him than she had been.

Maybe she was back to where she had been six months ago, after all. Despite what she had told Joel she couldn’t continue to work for him. She only wished now that she hadn’t let herself be persuaded out of that decision last time!

CHAPTER TWO

‘GREAT,’ snapped Joel with sarcasm, waving Lindsay’s letter of resignation about in his hand. ‘Just great! Your loyalty when I’m tied up in this contract for Reader is incredible!’ He glared down at her.

Joel had been in his studio when she arrived at work half an hour ago, and the first thing she had done after checking the post had been to type out her letter of resignation, putting it in with the letters she had taken in to him a short time ago. His reaction was to be expected.

‘I thought you went to America to complete that contract,’ she frowned.

‘I did,’ he scowled, looking as if last night hadn’t agreed with him either, whether he had slept alone or not. ‘He liked the photographs so much he wants me to do the promotional shots on the new cosmetic range they have coming out,’ he told her grudgingly. ‘I’ve spent most of the last month trying to find the right model.’

Lindsay felt a flash of jealousy for all the beautiful women he would have seen the last month.

‘None of them were right for the cosmetics,’ he added mockingly as he saw her pensive expression.

‘Did you test them all personally?’ she heard herself ask waspishly.

‘Photographically?’ he drawled tauntingly, his eyebrows raised mockingly. ‘Yes.’

She mentally berated herself for showing her jealousy so plainly, knowing Joel was aware of exactly how she felt, that he was elated by it. Damn!

‘Regretting your decision, Lindsay?’ He sat on the edge of her desk, dangerously close, his tangy aftershave discernible to her. ‘It isn’t too late to change your mind, you know,’ he encouraged throatily.

‘My notice stands, thank you.’ She was deliberately obtuse, knowing that wasn’t the decision he was talking about.

His eyes darkened to tawny slits, and he stood up, pushing her letter into the hip pocket of his trousers. ‘Bring me in the file on all the models I’ve used the last five years,’ he instructed her curtly.

Her brows rose. ‘All of them?’

‘That’s what I said, didn’t I?’ he snapped.

‘Yes …’

‘Then do it,’ he rasped rudely. ‘And don’t keep me waiting all day!’ The door slammed after him as he went back into his studio.

‘Was that the bastard I know and love?’ drawled an amused voice from the doorway.

‘Cally!’ Lindsay cried excitedly, getting up to hug the newcomer enthusiastically. ‘When did you get back to town?’

‘Over the weekend,’ the other woman smiled. ‘I thought I’d look in on my tormentor of the last four years. How is he?’ she asked lightly.

Lindsay gave a rueful grimace at the firmly closed studio door. ‘As charming as usual!’ she said dryly. ‘But don’t let’s talk about Joel,’ she dismissed abruptly. ‘Tell me how you like married life.’

Cally Robin had been Joel’s top model until two months ago when she had met, and as quickly married, an up-and-coming Member of Parliament, much to the surprise of her friends, and much to the annoyance of Joel when she informed him she was giving up modelling to help her husband in his career. Joel and Cally had had an affair once, years ago, and Cally was one of the few women he now called friend. Lindsay had been a little jealous of their relationship to begin with, but as the warmth and friendliness of Cally soon overflowed to her too she had no reason to do so.

‘I love it,’ Cally answered, her blue eyes sparkling, her red hair a glowing cloud about her shoulders. ‘David has to be the most wonderful man in the world,’ she added dreamily.

‘I thought he was rather handsome when I met him at the wedding,’ Lindsay smiled teasingly.

‘Keep your hands off,’ Cally warned jokingly. ‘I have enough trouble fighting off all his female constituents, without having to worry about you too! So what’s wong with Joel?’ she sobered. ‘He sounded as if he was being a bear.’

Lindsay shrugged. ‘He’s no worse than usual,’ she prevaricated, knowing that Joel hadn’t been like this with her since before she moved in with him.

‘And heaven knows that’s bad enough!’ Cally grimaced. ‘What—or should I say who—has upset him?’

Lindsay sighed. ‘I have a feeling it was me.’

‘Yes?’ Blue eyes widened in surprise. ‘Are you telling me he still rants and raves at you?’

Lindsay stiffened, her expression uncertain. ‘Still?’ she enquired softly.

Cally patted her hand understandingly. ‘You mustn’t mind that I know the two of you are living together—Joel just happened to let it slip one day,’ she explained gently.

‘Oh,’ said Lindsay dully. ‘Then perhaps I should tell you that we aren’t, not any longer.’

Cally frowned at this. ‘Since when?’

‘Since I moved out.’

‘You did?’ The other woman was obviously surprised that she had been the one to end the relationship. ‘That must have been a surprise for poor Joel,’ she added questioningly.

‘You could say that,’ Lindsay grimaced.

‘Oh, I do,’ Cally nodded, looking thoughtful. ‘The way he was talking it was a permanent arrangement.’

‘As permanent as anything can be with a man like Joel,’ Lindsay derided.

‘No, I mean it,’ Cally said, perfectly seriously. ‘I really thought this was “it” for him.’

‘If you mean love, Cally, then you should know him better than that,’ said Lindsay flatly.

‘He still has that problem, hmm?’ Cally nodded shrewdly.

Lindsay gave her a sharp, probing look. ‘What problem?’

‘He doesn’t know how to accept or give love.’

Her expression was dejected. ‘How can you accept or give something you don’t know exists!’

‘Oh, Lindsay,’ Cally was all sympathy. ‘Don’t——’

‘What the hell is delaying you, Lindsay?’ Joel suddenly appeared in the studio doorway, his eyes narrowing as he saw Cally perched provocatively on the side of Lindsay’s desk. ‘I might have known you had something to do with it,’ he snapped. ‘What’s wrong, has married life begun to pall already?’ he taunted.

Cally stood up, smoothing down the skirt of her dress with deliberate slowness before walking over to kiss him lingeringly on the mouth, seeming immune to his glowing displeasure. ‘Married life is wonderful,’ she gave him a mocking sideways glance. ‘I would highly recommend it.’

His mouth twisted. ‘Then you must be one of the few people who do,’ he derided. ‘And after only two months I don’t think you’ve had time to really speak with any authority.’

‘Cynic!’ she said goodnaturedly, used to his bad humour.

‘Realist.’ He shot Lindsay a telling glance. ‘I simply don’t have stars in my eyes about an institution that’s been failing for years. I’d rather get myself certified!’

Lindsay blanched, knowing the last was being said for her benefit, that Joel was making it clear once again that he would never contemplate marriage, to anyone. And that wasn’t fair, because she had never mentioned marriage to him.

‘Keep on the way you are,’ Cally drawled mockingly, ‘and I might just do it for you.’

He looked down at her with narrowed tawny eyes. ‘What do you mean?’ he bit out.

‘Lindsay tells me you’re no longer living together,’ she provoked. ‘You have to be insane to have let her escape.’

‘Cally——’

‘It was Lindsay’s decision to leave,’ Joel forcefully cut in on her dismayed response to Cally’s taunting.

‘Well, no one could think her insane for leaving you, darling,’ Cally mocked. ‘You’re virtually impossible to work with, let alone be with twenty-four hours a day.’

‘I take it this is what friends are for?’ he rasped. ‘To insult you?’

‘To tell you the truth when necessary, sweetie,’ she touched his cheek affectionately.

‘Well, today I can do without it,’ he dismissed harshly. ‘Come through to the studio if you want to talk to me, if you don’t then stop keeping my employees from their work,’ he added coldly.

Lindsay was still pale from his last dig at her. This last one made her flinch, something Joel seemed as immune to as he was every other emotion. She didn’t know how she could ever have fooled herself into thinking he would one day love her!

‘Here’s the file you wanted.’ She handed it to him, taking care not to touch him, a fact he seemed well aware of as his mouth twisted derisively.

He nodded acknowledgement of the file, turning to Cally. ‘Are you staying or going?’

‘Much as I hate to turn down your gracious invitation,’ she mocked him, her eyes gleaming with mischief, ‘I have to meet David in a few minutes, so I can’t stay long. I actually came round to invite you both to dinner at the weekend. Although in the circumstances perhaps I should say invite you both and your respective partners.’ She looked at them with feigned innocence.

Joel’s scowl deepened, and Lindsay wondered, not for the first time, how Cally dared to antagonise him when he was in this mood. She always steered clear of him at such times, although perhaps Cally felt that their past association allowed her to. goad him in this way.

‘Suits me,’ he snapped. ‘Just tell me what time and day, and I’ll be there.’

‘Saturday, eight o’clock.’ She looked enquiringly at Lindsay. ‘Is that okay for you?’

Any evening and time suited her at the moment, they were all free. But she had no idea who she could take as her ‘partner’ for the evening. ‘Fine,’ she agreed lightly, ignoring the way Joel’s eyes narrowed speculatively. No doubt he would have no trouble at all finding someone to accompany him!

‘Now, Joel,’ Cally put her arm through the crook of his arm, walking into the studio with him, ‘I just have time for you to tell me all about …’

The rest of the conversation was cut off as Joel firmly closed the door behind them. Lindsay put up a shaking hand to her temple, as she sat down behind her desk. The next month, while she worked her notice, was going to seem a very long time indeed.

‘Hey, are you all right?’ asked a concerned voice, the accent distinctly American. ‘You look a little pale.’

Lindsay looked up into the attractive face of the man leaning over her desk, a man of about forty, possibly a little younger, with dark hair heavily tinged with grey at his temples, and pale blue eyes that could also look grey in certain lights or moods. Even leaning over as he was she could see he was tall, his tailored suit fitting him well, his lean body containing a liquid grace that spoke of training of movement.

‘I’m fine.’ She sat up straighter in her chair, a little unnerved by the way he kept staring at her with warm blue eyes. ‘And I’m afraid the agency who sent you must have made a mistake—Mr Sutherland doesn’t photograph male models.’

The man looked amused by the assumption, and straightened slightly, the blue eyes twinkling merrily. ‘I’m flattered you should think me young enough or attractive enough to be a male model,’ he drawled softly. ‘But isn’t forty-one a little old for all that?’ He raised dark brows.