A Home of Her Own

CHAPTER FOUR

“I WANT IT HOT. Hot, hot, hot,” Lucky said, hugging herself and shivering as Mike adjusted the knobs on the tub.

Hot? Mike struggled to keep his eyes from straying to her bare legs. He’d told her to go ahead and get undressed while he drew her bath, but she’d been quicker at it than he’d expected. Now she was out of the spare bedroom she’d changed in and standing next to him wearing nothing but a towel—and he wasn’t too cold to notice.

Clearing his throat, he ran his hand under the faucet again. “You should bring your body temperature up slowly. This water’s lukewarm. Once you get used to it, add some more warm water, then more until you feel normal.”

“Isn’t that for people who have frostbite?” she said, her teeth chattering.

“You’re pale and shaky. I’m just being cautious.”

“Okay, okay.” She was so eager to get in, it looked as if she’d drop her towel before he could leave the room—which reminded him of that day eight years ago when he’d ridden past the lake while she was swimming. She’d called his name, unhooked the front clasp of her bikini top and flashed him. Out of nowhere. They hadn’t spoken in years. She was so young at the time, he’d felt only perturbed; more than anything, it had been an act of defiance. But he was pretty sure he wouldn’t mind if she flashed him again now that she was an adult. She might not be his favorite person, but he couldn’t deny that she’d turned into an incredible beauty. And the fact that she didn’t seem to be aware of her own good looks made her all the more alluring….

“I’ll have some sweats ready for you to wear when you get out,” he said.

“Thanks.” She stepped to the side so he could get past her and immediately focused her attention on the bath.

He allowed himself a quick glance over his shoulder at her bare back as she started to lower the towel, then closed the door behind him.

LUCKY COULD SMELL FOOD—wonderful, glorious food! If not for the scent of bacon and—she sniffed again—eggs and onions, she might never have gotten out of her warm bath.

Just as Mike had promised, Lucky found a pair of sweats sitting on a chair in the bedroom she’d used earlier. But donning Mike’s clothes seemed rather personal, considering who they both were, and his sweats were way too big for her. She decided to pull on one of the layers of clothes she’d peeled off before getting into the tub. She thought it might help her remember that she needed to keep up her defenses, that Mike was not her friend.

“There you are,” he said as she entered a large country kitchen with wood paneling and flooring and a table that could seat at least twelve people.

His eyes flicked over her stocking-clad feet, faded jeans and burgundy sweater; if he noticed that she’d chosen not to wear his sweats, he didn’t comment. “Hungry?”

She was famished but also leery of his sudden hospitality. “You didn’t have to cook,” she said.

“What have you had to eat?”

“Some trail mix, an energy bar and sunflower seeds.”

“That’s it? Since when?”

“Noon yesterday.”

“God, you must be starving.” He motioned to the table. “Sit down. It’s almost ready.”

She looked around as she made her way to the table, feeling as though she’d just infiltrated the enemy camp. She’d often wondered what Mike’s place would be like. While hiding in the barn, she’d seen people come and go from here, imagined it’d be rustic and comfortable, and she wasn’t disappointed. In a word, his house was quality, yet nothing seemed ostentatious or even new. The kitchen, with its big circular rug, white cabinets and stainless steel appliances—indeed the whole house—was simple, masculine, lived-in and clean.

“Where are your brothers these days?” Mike asked as he put a heaping plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and hash browns with onions in front of her.

“Sean is married and living in Seattle.”

“Ketchup?”

She nodded and reached for the bottle.

“And Kyle?”

“Kyle’s married, too, and living in Spokane,” she said, keeping her focus on the ketchup she was squeezing onto her potatoes.

“They both wound up in Washington? What took them there?”

“It wasn’t here.”

He capped the ketchup for her, then watched her eat, which made her so nervous she could hardly taste her food. At least the potatoes she shoveled down stopped the hunger pangs.

“Why didn’t you follow them?” he asked after a few moments.

“To Washington?”

“Yeah.”

She’d always been an outsider, in one way or another, and that held true even with her brothers. They were male, closer in age, less sensitive, and had the same father. They’d weathered their childhood by sheltering together while she’d forged on alone. For whatever reason, the quiet closeness and understanding they shared seemed to exclude her. “I don’t know,” she said. “I visit them once in a while, though.”

“You seem to visit lots of places. You just never stay for long.”

She thought she heard censure in his tone and couldn’t help bristling. “Maybe I like to travel,” she said flippantly. But it was a lie. She hated the lack of direction in her life, the temporary nature of everything she did. She just didn’t fit in anywhere, had nothing to cling to. What else could she do? Mike, on the other hand, had no reason to leave Dundee. He had family here, a thriving business, many friends, respect. He had a home.

Silence fell and she looked up to find him watching her closely. “What?”

“I wasn’t criticizing you.”

She swallowed a mouthful of eggs. “What were you doing?”

“I guess I was asking why you haven’t settled down.”

“I’m…still young.” She searched for a more credible reason, but she had difficulty coming up with one. Bottom line, Morris’s money was both a blessing and a curse. Because she didn’t have to earn a living, she didn’t need to keep a job or go to school, two major activities that kept other people from rambling around the way she did. “And…I like to travel.”

He leaned back and crossed his booted feet. “You mentioned that.”

“Right. Well…” She shrugged.

“No men in your life?”

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Is that an attempt to dodge my question?”

“What do you think?”

“I think moving so often must be hell on your love life.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I’m not seeing anyone right now.” She’d never really had a serious relationship. She ended up comparing all the men she met to a cowboy she’d once seen kissing a woman in a barn—the same cowboy who was feeding her right now.

“That surprises me.”

She played with her toast. “Why?”

He didn’t answer right away. When she glanced up, she could tell that the tenor of the conversation had changed.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he said.

Unless she was mistaken, she read appreciation in his eyes—the same kind of appreciation she saw when she crossed a crowded nightclub and a man at the bar turned to watch her. Maybe Mike didn’t like her, but he found her attractive. The chubby, ugly girl who’d mooned over him all those years had finally caught his eye….

Lucky’s heart started to pound at the realization, and she put down her fork. Their eyes met, and he gave her a sexy grin that went to her head quicker than a whole bottle of champagne.

Oh, God! He was flirting with her. On one level, she knew she shouldn’t be surprised. A lot of men tried to pick her up. The fact that she was so aloof, that she protected herself too well to let anyone close, seemed to draw them. They liked the challenge—but the idea of responding to any of them left her cold.

That wasn’t the case tonight.

But this was Mike Hill. His entire family would hate him just for being seen with her. And a man with Mike’s good looks, sharp mind and impressive accomplishments wasn’t single at forty without being hard to catch. Especially in Dundee, where life was all about getting married and having babies. Obviously, he had commitment issues. She had problems, too: deep down she was still the same little girl who secretly worshipped him.

She had to be careful, play it safe. Otherwise an already difficult visit to her hometown might become intolerable. “It’s late,” she said, looking away. “We’d better go to bed.”

He stood and gathered up her dishes. “Right. You can have the spare room you changed in before your bath.”

“Thank you. I appreciate everything you’ve done.” She knew she sounded stilted, but formality seemed the most natural way to distance herself from Mike. She was warm and full. Now she’d crawl into the guest bed and forget that she was even in Mike’s house.

All she had to do was fall asleep.

But when she did lie down, sleep wouldn’t come.

AS SOON AS LUCKY HEADED down the hall, Mike finished cleaning the kitchen, then flipped on the television. He’d been so tired earlier, when he’d had to drag himself out of bed to check on her. But, strangely enough, now that she was here he didn’t feel tired anymore. He suspected he knew the reason. He hadn’t liked the girl who’d left Dundee, but he was sure attracted to the woman who’d returned.

Attracted was the key word, he told himself. What he felt was primitive male instinct. Once the storm blew over and he sent the little prodigal to her own house, his life would get back to normal, and normal meant he had to work tomorrow.

LUCKY HEARD Mike pass her room.

Sleep…Sleep, damn it!

She squeezed her eyes shut and forced them to stay that way, but a few minutes later, she realized it was no use. She kept picturing Mike kissing Lindsey Carpenter in the barn and thinking that tonight it could have been her.

After growing up with Red, she’d decided that it was important to save herself. But for what? For more offers from strange men who didn’t appeal to her? Was she a fool not to take advantage of the opportunity to be with Mike? When was she ever going to be in his house again? In the future she doubted he’d so much as wave and say hello. Regardless of what occurred, they’d probably both pretend this night had never happened.

So, why not do what she really wanted and then start pretending?

MIKE HEARD his bedroom door open and lifted his head in surprise. He lived alone. The woman who did the cooking and cleaning took weekends off. Which left only one possibility.

Squinting to make out the shadowy figure standing in his doorway, he swallowed hard. Sure enough, it was Lucky. And when she didn’t say anything, he had a funny feeling he knew what she wanted.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, hoping he could get her a glass of water or another blanket. He’d tried to make her smile earlier—but this…this was a little more than he’d bargained for.

“No.” She sounded uncertain. He might’ve supposed that she was frightened or insecure, but he reminded himself that Lucky couldn’t be either. Not with the way she looked, and not at twenty-four.

He knew he should scare her away, but with every heartbeat it became more difficult. He leaned on his elbows to get a better glimpse of her and felt his pulse go crazy. She wore the sweatshirt he’d set out for her earlier. But, like last night when he’d pressed her against the wall, she didn’t have anything on underneath it, except maybe a pair of panties.

The thought of her panties didn’t help him hang on to his sanity.

He had to say something that would cause her to withdraw immediately, before his desire took control.

But if he rebuffed her, he’d humiliate her.

If he didn’t rebuff her…

He let his breath hiss out between his teeth. He could barely think above the racket his heart seemed to be making. If he didn’t send her away it was probably no big deal, he told himself. She’d been raised by the town’s most notorious hooker. Showing up in a man’s bedroom probably wasn’t anything new for her. And maybe he wanted her here, but it wasn’t as if he’d invited her.

“Can’t you sleep?” he said, stalling.

“No.”

Briefly, he tried to summon the self-control to send her back to her own room. But the overabundance of testosterone suddenly flooding through his body muddied his thoughts, made him reckless. Any resolve he’d managed to muster fled the instant he imagined how embarrassed she’d be if he were to turn her away. Somehow it was easier to give in to what he really wanted if he looked at it as some sort of kindness.

“Are you still cold?” More stalling on his part.

She nodded but didn’t ask for a blanket. Neither did she apologize for interrupting him and duck out of the room. There was no mistake. She was making him an offer and, heaven help him, he didn’t think he could say no. It was the temerity of her stance that was his undoing. He wanted to take her in his arms, reassure her that she’d read his signals correctly.

“Want me to keep you warm?” he asked and lifted the blankets. Because he’d turned up the heat for her sake, he wasn’t wearing anything except his boxer briefs. If this wasn’t what he thought it was, she’d certainly turn back now. But she didn’t. She came toward him.

When she reached the edge of his bed, she quickly pulled off the sweatshirt and dropped it on the floor. Then for a few seconds she stood in front of him wearing only a pair of lacy white panties.

The sheer beauty of the woman she’d become stole his breath. It had been a long time since he’d made love, too long. Yet, oddly enough, he hadn’t realized it had been much too long until now.

“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered.

She shook her head, but he couldn’t believe she or anyone else could disagree with him on that, and he wasn’t really looking at her face anymore. He let his gaze drift appreciatively over the rest of her while making one last feeble effort to talk himself out of making this mistake. He’d pretty much given up dating. He couldn’t seem to fall in love like everyone else. But he missed having an active sex life and, mistake or no, he wasn’t about to reject Lucky now that she was standing next to him almost naked….

A MOMENT OF ABSOLUTE PANIC nearly sent Lucky running from the room. But the memory of that kiss she’d witnessed in the barn calmed her fears and prodded her to take what she wanted. This was Mike Hill. As indifferent as he’d been toward her in the past, he was a decent man and treated everyone else well. He’d be gentle, even with her. And maybe he’d make her feel like someone who mattered, someone like Lindsey Carpenter or one of the other women who belonged in Dundee. For a few moments, she might even feel as if she belonged with him….

He immediately urged her into bed with him, and she felt his bare skin against her breasts as his hands slid up and down her back. “Jeez, you are cold.”

His body was as hard and sinewy as it looked, but it was the evidence of his arousal that sent sparks through Lucky’s veins. She’d done that to him. The little girl he’d never acknowledged. The belligerent teen who’d gotten nothing but a frown when she’d unclasped her bikini top.

“You…you feel good,” she said before she could stop herself.

She thought she saw his teeth flash in a grin. “You said you wanted me to make it hot, right?” He nuzzled her neck, kissed the indentation below her earlobe. “Hot, hot, hot?”

The bath…She remembered, even though she could scarcely think for all the sensations bombarding her brain. Warm flesh. Hard muscle. Crisp sheets. The scent of clean male.

“That’s what I said,” she whispered, breathless with the excitement and daring of what she was doing. She’d never initiated a sexual encounter in her life, and she’d actually had the nerve to approach Mike Hill.

“Then—” he rubbed his lips across her cheek “—let’s see what I can do.”

She turned her head, wanting him to give her the long, slow kiss he’d given Lindsey in the barn—the long, slow kiss she’d been waiting for all her life. But he didn’t seem very interested in her mouth. He relieved her of her panties. Then his tongue and his hands worked such seductive magic, she almost forgot about kissing him, at least in such a soulful way. He soon had her writhing and moaning, bursting with need and the absolute certainty that nothing he was doing to her could hurt, whether it was her first time or not. She wanted Mike too badly; she wanted what his fingers promised.

But when he put on the condom he took from the nightstand near the bed and answered her eagerness with a powerful thrust, that illusion shattered.

She stiffened as she tried to absorb the sudden shock of the pain, and he froze.

“What is it?” he asked.

She tried to catch her breath so she could speak, but the desire she’d felt only a moment earlier was fading fast, and she wanted to cry. This wasn’t like the scene in the barn. This meant nothing to Mike except physical release. She was doing exactly what her mother had done so many times. Only she’d sold herself for nothing….

“I’m…I’m fine,” she managed to say.

“Lucky?”

She could sense his bewilderment. “Are you, um, finished?” she asked when he didn’t move.

“Am I finished?” he repeated as though it was the oddest question in the world.

“It’s…it’s okay if you’re not. I…I’ll wait. I’m okay with waiting.” She figured it was the right thing to do, since it was her fault they’d come this far. Whatever regrets she had she’d deal with later, on her own. She couldn’t blame him for her own error in judgment. She’d visited his room, not the other way around.

He remained hesitant. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I hurt you.”

“No, I…It…felt great. Really.” God, she couldn’t wait until morning, when she could go back to her rambling, lonely house and never see him again. The anguish of her mistake stabbed into her heart just as he stabbed into her body.

I’m such a fool. What did I think this would do? What did I think it would change?

Suddenly, he cursed and withdrew.

His displeasure stung like a slap in the face. For all his indifference, she’d never seen him lose his temper before. But she’d made him angry. She’d screwed this up so badly. “I’m sorry. I did it wrong,” she said. “I didn’t know. I—Is it too late? I don’t mind if…if you want try again.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

Her emotions were so scrambled she wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not, but she realized it was too late to smooth over her blunder. Blinking against the tears stinging her eyes, she scrambled to get out of his bed.

He buried his head under a pillow while she struggled to get free of the sheets. “Please tell me this wasn’t your first time,” he said, his voice muffled.

She couldn’t answer. She had to get out. She’d ruined it. It was her fault, not his. She’d understood the rules when she came in here. She’d known from the beginning that she meant nothing to him. She’d just thought—she didn’t know what she’d thought. She’d just wanted to live the dream once. That was all.

Finally free of the bedding, she leapt to the carpet, but he caught her arm before she could go anywhere. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I…I didn’t think it would matter,” she said, then yanked away from him and ran to her own room where she put on several layers of clothes and curled into a tight ball beneath the covers, trying to make herself as small as possible. She was shaking so badly she didn’t think she’d ever stop, and she wanted to cry. But the tears that had seemed so close a moment before suddenly wouldn’t fall.

CHAPTER FIVE

AFTER LUCKY LEFT his room, Mike groaned. Never in a million years would he have guessed that she was a virgin. She was younger than he was by a good stretch—too young for him, really. But she was certainly old enough to know what she was doing when she came to his room. With Red as her mother, she must’ve learned more about sex by the age of ten than most girls knew at fifteen. She could cuss like a sailor. She’d rambled around the whole United States. She had a body most men would die for. How did a woman like that get to be twenty-four without ever having sex?

And why the hell didn’t she tell him?

He would’ve been gentler with her. From the abandon of her response, from the signals she’d been giving him, he’d thought she was ready. Had he known the reality of the situation, he would’ve made sure—

Had he known, he probably wouldn’t have touched her. He’d welcomed her into his bed only because he assumed she’d take their lovemaking in stride—and maybe, after going to all the trouble of rescuing her, he felt somewhat deserving of a small reward. But this…He cringed. This was different. She’d been miserable, and he’d been miserable, and…and what had he expected? This was Lucky Caldwell. Of course getting involved with her would result in regret.

He sulked for several minutes, but then had to admit that there was more to what he felt than sexual frustration and disappointment. Now he could no longer believe that she was exactly like her mother and had therefore earned his derision. Besides her lack of sexual experience, he’d seen something vulnerable and sweet, even giving, beneath Lucky’s tough-girl attitude. He’d hurt her and disappointed her—deeply, he suspected—and yet she’d worried about being a generous partner.

I’m sorry…I did it wrong…Is it too late?

The contrast between the two images he now held of her troubled him—but only because he was dwelling on a situation better forgotten. It was for the best that their lovemaking had turned out the way it had; he and Lucky didn’t have any business touching each other.

With another curse, he got out of bed, kicked aside the sweatshirt she’d left behind and threw on his clothes. This night was so screwed up he was going to forget it was night and go to work. He wouldn’t think about Lucky again….

But his footsteps slowed as he neared her room, and he couldn’t help poking his head inside, just to make sure she was all right.

“Lucky?” he said softly.

She didn’t respond. He could see her curled up beneath the blankets, but he couldn’t hear her crying or anything. She must’ve gone to sleep. Wishing that made him feel better somehow, he closed her door and went outside to check on the horses.

MIKE WAS COOKING again. Lucky could smell the food, but she didn’t want to get out of bed. She didn’t want to face him. She felt incredibly stupid for ever believing that one night in his arms could change anything in her world. And she knew he had to be asking himself why he’d shown any interest in her. Going into his room had been as big a gaffe as flashing him—only more humiliating because this time she’d been hoping for a positive reaction.