Married For Real
She closed her eyes then impatiently tore the sheet off her notepad and threw it into the wastepaper basket. A moment later she reached down and tore it up into little pieces, which she let fall like confetti into the basket, thinking at the same time that it was a cheap shot writing to her mother like that, that it was continuing a feud that should be over, that if the one thing her mother had done right in her life, it seemed she was making a good nun.
The next morning as she dressed, she observed the slight shadows under her eyes, grimaced then tossed her head. She pulled on jeans and a blue sweater, tied her hair back and went on her rounds of waking the children. And when they were dressed and assembled at the big table in the kitchen, she went out of her way to be as normal as possible over breakfast, served by Cloris.
‘Let’s see, Sarah and Richard, you have drama this afternoon after school. Daisy, you’re going to play with Chloe straight from school and I’ll pick you up at five o’clock and Ben—’
‘I know exactly what I’ve got on, thanks, Arizona, you don’t have to treat me as a child,’ Ben interrupted intensely.
‘Okay!’ Arizona smiled at him and got up to give Cloris a hand with the school lunches. ‘Oh, by the way,’ she said casually over her shoulder, ‘Declan is coming to spend this weekend with us.’
‘Yippee!’ the twins chorused, and Daisy followed with a similar exclamation.
It was Ben who said moodily, ‘What’s he coming for? I thought he was here yesterday.’
Arizona narrowed her eyes. ‘And I thought you liked Declan, Ben.’
‘He’s all right,’ he said ungraciously. ‘But what is he coming for?’
‘It doesn’t matter what he’s coming for, Ben,’ Daisy said earnestly. ‘What matters is that he’s nice and we should be nice back, shouldn’t we?’
‘For God’s sake,’ Ben entreated, ‘can’t you make her stop lecturing us, Arizona? She’s only six—’
‘Ben—’
‘And you shouldn’t say that,’ Daisy continued solemnly. ‘Should he, Arizona? I mean talk about God like that?’
‘Eat your breakfast, Daisy,’ Arizona said smoothly.
‘But I’m right, aren’t I?’
‘Yes, you’re right,’ Arizona replied with the patience of long practice.
‘Well, for crying out loud then,’ Ben muttered moodily, ‘what happened to the old saying about children—’ he glared at his baby sister ‘—being seen and not heard?’
‘Daisy not heard!’ Sarah said with a giggle.
Richard piped up, ‘That’ll be the day!’
Whereupon Ben got up and flung out of the kitchen with his breakfast half eaten.
Cloris wrung her hands and murmured something about growing boys, Daisy embarked upon the hazards of not eating one’s meals and wasting away, Sarah and Richard became convulsed with giggles, and Arizona raised her eyes heavenwards as she wondered where this golden, solemn little girl had inherited her lecturing and worrying tendencies from—because Daisy worried dreadfully about everything and never hesitated to expound upon it.
‘It’s all right, pet,’ she said to Daisy. And later when she dropped Daisy off, last, at school, reassured her once again.
‘Ben’s not really cross with me is he, Arizona?’ Daisy hung back in the car.
‘No, but it might be an idea not to, well, lecture Ben at the moment.’
‘What’s lecture mean?’
‘Uh—tell him what he’s doing wrong all the time—’
‘Because he might go away and never come back? You wouldn’t ever go away and never come back like Daddy did, would you, Arizona?’ Two large tears began to glisten on Daisy’s lashes.
‘No, no,’ Arizona said hastily and gave her a quick hug and a kiss. ‘Look, sweetheart, there’s Chloe waiting for you. Now, don’t forget you’re going home with Chloe and her mum after school!’
When she got back to Scawfell it was to find Cloris in a suppressed state of excitement. ‘Staying for the whole weekend, Arizona?’. She beamed widely. ‘I’ve already started on the blue bedroom and I’ve made a little list of menus—what do you think?’ She fluttered a piece of paper at Arizona.
‘I have absolute faith in you, Cloris, just don’t make it too grand.’
Cloris managed at the same time to look pleased yet slightly crestfallen. ‘Well, all right,’ she said slowly then smote her cheek. ‘The garden,’ she said anxiously. ‘It’s in a bit of a mess and we’ve only got two days, it’s Thursday today—’
‘I’m about to attack it, Cloris,’ Arizona reassured her.
‘Well, you are so good at it, but I did wonder if we shouldn’t get a gardening firm in, and then there’s Ben!’ she added dramatically. ‘What do you think is wrong with the poor boy?’
Arizona looked at her ruefully. ‘Still missing his father I would say—Cloris, don’t get into too much of a flutter about Declan Holmes, he’s only a man.’
‘I know.’ Cloris blushed nevertheless. ‘But it is a bit of an honour to know him, don’t you think, Arizona?’
‘As a matter of fact I don’t.’ Oh, hell, Arizona thought immediately, I’m going to have to do a bit of an about face soon, aren’t I? And with an impatient grimace, took herself off to attack the garden.
She backed the ride-on mower out of the shed and started on the wide expanse of lawn in front of the house. Scawfell, which Peter Adams had inherited from his parents, was situated on the south coast of New South Wales and comprised about fifty acres. The house was old, two-storied, large and rambling on the outside, but over the years Peter had redesigned the inside so that it was light, modern and very comfortable. It stood with its back to a tree-lined ridge and faced, over its several acres of lawn, the sea. There was a fairly steep cliff face beyond the lawn down to a perfect little bay with a crescent of sandy beach. It was a wonderful place to live if you liked the out-doors, sweeping vistas and the sea. Arizona, born in a city and carted from city to city, excepting while she’d been training to be a teacher, had taken to Scawfell and country life as if she’d been born to it. Always an energetic person, she’d found she loved gardening, grew her own herbs and vegetables and had reclaimed the orchard from a charming wilderness to a garden of bounty. She’d also had the stables renovated, and at present they housed three hacks and three ponies. All of which Declan Holmes had been paying for, she thought with a sudden pang.
Which led her to think further, as she drove the mower expertly and the scent of freshly cut grass filled the air, that she’d been proud of her achievements in her three years at Scawfell, proud in her first year as governess of what she’d achieved with Pete’s children, then in her second year all she’d achieved with his estate. And I even thought I was holding it all together over this last year, she reflected a little bitterly. Little to know...at least I was a model of thrift and resourcefulness. Little to know that the money Declan was feeding into the bank as per the arrangement after the will was read and until probate was his own. Not that it’s helped me much, being so thrifty and resourceful, he still views me with the utmost cynicism and he’s still determined to marry me...
She sighed again and thought of Peter Adams, who had been a vague, warm, friendly man, a genius at designing buildings but not a good businessman, apparently, yet a man who had understood her and had known something of the forces that had moulded her. Why did he have to die? she thought sadly. For the first time in my life I felt...safe.
She spent that day and the next working extremely hard, often alongside Cloris although certainly not in the same mood. But she couldn’t deny that she was also motivated to have Scawfell looking its best. It was unfortunate that Declan Holmes, who’d said he would arrive on Saturday morning, arrived late on Friday afternoon, catching her unkempt after a bout in the orchard. But the news he brought with him upset her all the more...
CHAPTER TWO
SHE was crossing the driveway, hauling the dead bough of a peach tree, when he drove up in his dark red convertible Saab.
She dropped the bough and stood with her hands on her hips as he stopped the car only feet from her. It was a windy, cool dusk with the promise of rain in the air, and she wore a pair of denim dungarees over an ancient checked shirt, wellingtons, gardening gloves and had her hair bundled into a red scarf.
On the other hand, as he opened the door and stepped out of the Saab, she saw that he was wearing well-pressed khaki trousers, highly polished brown moccasins and a white knit sports shirt beneath a beautiful dark brown leather jacket.
‘What are you doing here today?’ she said crisply as his blue eyes drifted amusedly over her.
‘Came a bit early, that’s all,’ he drawled. ‘Is there a problem?’
‘You could have warned us!’
‘Sorry,’ he said entirely unrepentantly. ‘But if you’re embarrassed about how you look, may I say that it makes no difference what you wear, you still look like a goddess, Arizona. Although in this case an avenging goddess,’ he added with soft mockery.
Arizona’s expression defied description for a moment, then she said tautly, ‘Cloris will be thrown into despair. She’d planned to roll out the red carpet for you and make every meal a masterpiece, whereas it could well be mince on toast tonight.’
He laughed. ‘I quite like mince on toast, and I loathe red carpets, but I will make my formal apologies to Cloris.’
‘Not to me, though.’ She gazed at him coolly.
‘I really don’t think there’s anything I need to apologize to you for, Arizona, is there?’ He raised an eyebrow at her.
‘No, nothing!’ she marvelled. ‘Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll get rid of this and—’
‘Incidentally,’ he broke in as she turned away, ‘I’ll be staying for the week.’
She turned back immediately. ‘A week! Why?’
‘I felt like a break, that’s all.’ He shrugged. ‘And seeing as we’re betrothed, who better to spend it with than you? Of course I didn’t expect the prospect to fill you with undiluted joy, but—’
Arizona muttered something under her breath and went to turn away again, whereupon he stopped her with a hand on her wrist. ‘But we do have a bargain, don’t we, Arizona?’
‘Let me go,’ she said proudly.
‘In a moment. Don’t we, Arizona?’ he repeated evenly.
‘Yes,’ she said through her teeth. ‘However, in private, Declan, don’t expect much joy at all!’
His blue eyes narrowed but he said merely, ‘And in public, Arizona?’
‘I have no idea how—things will come out,’ she said through her teeth.
‘Then you better start thinking about it,’ he replied dryly. ‘Or thinking about the kids,’ he added with all the pointedness of an unerringly aimed arrow. ‘Are they all home?’
‘No. Ben is out camping with his scout group.’ She paused then decided not to tell him that Ben had not intended to go on this camp—until he’d heard about Declan Holmes spending the weekend with them. So she added instead with a scornful toss of her head, ‘I’m not in the habit of placing children in the line of fire, Declan.’
‘Good,’ he murmured. ‘Then allow me.’ And he picked up the bough. ‘Where do you want it?’
Arizona gazed at him for a long moment but his eyes were a placid, mild blue. ‘Over there, thanks,’ she said briskly, pointing towards a pile of timber. ‘I thought we might have a bonfire tomorrow night, if it doesn’t rain.’
‘Sounds like fun,’ he said casually. ‘Stay there, I’ll drive you up to the house.’
‘Won’t you be bored stiff—here for a whole week?’ she said abruptly as he drove the short distance to the front door.
‘No. Why should I?’
‘It’s not exactly a dashing lifestyle we pursue,’ she said with irony.
‘It’s not exactly a dashing lifestyle I’m after. And I thought it would be nice to—ride with you, swim with you, that sort of thing. We could also,’ he went on as she cast him a weary look, ‘go over the estate together and decide what needs to be done.’
‘There’s quite a lot—’ She broke off and castigated herself mentally.
‘Quite a lot to be done? Good—we’re here, Arizona,’ he murmured gravely, but his eyes were full of amusement.
‘Well, would you mind if I left you to Cloris’s tender mercies for a while, Declan?’ she returned swiftly and sweetly. ‘I rather desperately need a bath.’
‘Not at all, Arizona, not at all.’
She took with her, upstairs to the privacy of her own suite, a raging tendency to want to swish her tail like an angry lioness.
Her suite, which Pete had designed specially for her, comprised a bedroom, bathroom and study. The bedroom faced the sea and was large and airy with a pale green carpet, an exquisite, riotous bedspread with the same green background and dusky pink and soft lemon tulips all over it, and draped green curtains. The study overlooked the rose garden she’d started at the side of the house, and each piece of furniture, the desk, the lovely winged armchair with matching footstool, the bookcase, were lovingly chosen antiques.
None of it, although it was usually a haven of peace and privacy for her, brought her any peace, however, as she strode into the peach marble bathroom, ran the taps and stalked to her walk-in wardrobe. And she rifled through her clothes impatiently before choosing a pair of slim cream pants and a taupe knit top.
In fact it wasn’t until she was lying in the bath, surrounded by a sea of bubbles with her hair tied on top of her head, that she started to relax at all, and even then it was only in a limited sort of way. How am I going to cope with him in front of the children? she wondered despairingly. If they haven’t sensed my antipathy by now they must at least know we’re not the best of friends.
But although she soaked thoughtfully, then scrubbed and finally got out to dry herself on one of the outsize peach towels, no inspiration came to her. Perhaps I can only follow his lead, she mused dismally as she drew on her underwear and then her clothes and sat at the vanity table.
An avenging goddess, she thought bitterly as she studied her reflection. Damn the man! But I can’t go on thinking like that, can I? So what do I think about instead? she asked herself dryly as she brushed her hair until it shone and left it loose to float in a chestnut cloud to her shoulders. What it will be like to be married to him?
She closed her eyes briefly then smoothed moisturizer onto her skin and made up her face lightly, just a touch of foundation, a light lipstick and shaped her eyebrows with a little brush, and answered herself, No, I just can’t picture it but then again, I can’t picture how to extricate myself, either!
She stood up suddenly and caught sight. of herself in the full-length mirror on the opposite wall. She was five foot nine and knew that she had a willowy figure with some luscious curves that attracted men like bees to a honeypot. Her mother had had the same kind of figure.... To go with it, she had smooth skin like pale honey, luminous grey eyes with dark-tipped lashes, a well-defined mouth, and she could look thoughtful and serious, sometimes serene and happy, often impatient and autocratic but always, according to Peter Adams, amazingly good to look at.
She sighed and turned away abruptly.
What she found when she went downstairs was not exactly what she’d expected. The table was laid for dinner in the large, bright kitchen, which was normal. But it could have only taken Declan’s charm to persuade Cloris to feed him in the kitchen. And he, the twins and Daisy were working on a model galleon in the rumpus room adjacent to the kitchen, separated by a half wall. Cloris was happily attending to a leg of lamb. It was a contented, domesticated scene. She paused just inside the doorway and thought of Ben, out camping in the windy darkness rather than being here, with a little sigh. But the only living thing that seemed to afford Ben any consolation these days was his horse, Daintry.
Declan Holmes looked up and saw her. ‘Arizona—’ he straightened ‘—you look...refreshed.’
‘Thanks,’ she said briefly, bit her lip then walked into the rumpus room. ‘How’s it going?’
‘I think we’re making progress.’ He looked at the three absorbed, bent heads around him, and Arizona suddenly remembered that he’d brought the galleon for the children on his last visit.
‘That was a good idea,’ she murmured, gesturing. ‘We keep it for that rather difficult hour to fill between bath time and dinner time.’
‘Yes,’ Daisy said earnestly. ‘We’re not allowed to touch it until we’ve had our baths.’
‘That’s why we’ve been so slow,’ Richard said ruefully. ‘We could have finished it weeks ago, couldn’t we, Sarah?’
‘Sure could.’ Sarah didn’t raise her head, so engrossed was she.
‘But that wouldn’t have been right,’ Daisy began.
Whereupon both the twins raised their heads and said exasperatedly, ‘Daisy, don’t start.’
‘I only mean—’
‘Come and have a drink,’ Arizona said wryly to Declan Holmes.
‘With pleasure.’ And when they were sitting in the lounge with their drinks, he said, ‘How do you cope with her?’
‘With patience and humour and just sometimes a desire to tear my hair out. Ben—’ She stopped.
‘Go on.’
‘Ben,’ she said after a moment, ‘is finding it particularly hard to take at the moment, but then he’s finding it all hard to take. I suppose—’ she bent her head and paused in thought then shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But I’m worried about Ben. I can’t get through to him.’
‘I’ll have a chat to him when he gets home.’ He stretched his legs out and looked at her reflectively. ‘In some respects you’re amazingly mature, Arizona.’
‘And in other respects?’ she countered coolly.
‘That wasn’t meant as an insult.’
‘Perhaps I’m so used to them from you I just expect them.’
‘Or perhaps you’re determined to turn everything I say into one. But before—’ his lips twisted ‘—this degenerates into a slanging match, I meant that for someone of only twenty-three you’re—capable. You run this place well, you look after the children well.’
‘That still doesn’t explain what you meant by in some respects.’
‘At times,’ he said slowly, ‘your attitude to me is, well—’ he shrugged quite naive. And sometimes, very rarely, you look young and untouched—but that’s only when I catch you off guard.’
Arizona stared at him and felt an odd prickle beneath her skin. She was saved having to make a reply by Cloris announcing dinner.
‘For a mince-on-toast type of dinner, that was excellent,’ Declan murmured to her after they’d partaken of roast lamb with mint sauce, roast potatoes, pumpkin and sweet potato, baby green peas and rich gravy followed by an apple crumble and cream.
Her mouth curved into a fleeting smile. ‘I would dearly have loved to serve you mince on toast tonight but of course I didn’t reckon on Cloris.’
‘Mince on toast!’ Cloris said right on cue and in a scandalized manner. ‘I only ever give you that for breakfast. What could you have been thinking of, Arizona?’
‘Don’t worry about it, Cloris,’ Arizona murmured with a wry look. ‘Just me being foolish, or is it naive? Okay, kids.’ She stood up. ‘One hour of television since it’s Friday night and your favourite program is due to start in ten minutes, which will give you time to give Cloris a hand! And we could take our coffee into the office, Declan. There are a few things you might be interested to see.’
Declan Holmes stood up. ‘Unfortunately I have a few calls to make, Arizona. May I use the office for those first? And your fax? We can have our little get-together when I’m finished.’
‘By all means,’ Arizona replied airily, although she was actually seething inside. ‘I have a million things to do myself—in fact I have a better idea. Let’s leave it until tomorrow!’
‘Oh, no,’ he said smoothly. ‘Later this evening will do fine.’ And he further infuriated her by helping Cloris and the children clear the table.
It was nine o’clock—she’d spun out the bedtime stories and rituals as long as she could, consoling herself that it was Friday night—before they came together again. And this time he was waiting for her in the lounge when she came downstairs, slightly dishevelled, after an energetic romp with the children before putting their lights out firmly.
‘How about that coffee now, Arizona?’ he drawled and indicated the trolley with a bubbling percolator that Cloris had left.
‘Thank you, yes.’ She walked over to the mirror above the fireplace and ran her fingers through her hair.
‘All bedded down and correct?’ he queried as he poured. She turned away from the mirror.
‘Hopefully.’
‘Lucky kids,’ he commented and handed her a cup.
She sat down in her usual chair, wondered what to say but before she had a chance to wonder much, he said, ‘There are a couple of things we ought to discuss, Arizona.’ And sat down opposite her.
‘I’m sure there are.’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t feel much like it at the moment, though.’
‘Well—’ he paused and looked at her wryly ‘—perhaps that’s what we should discuss first.’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she murmured and smothered a yawn.
‘I mean, taking the first step towards—putting you in the mood for everything we need to sort out.’
‘I still don’t know what you mean,’ she said and stopped abruptly.
‘My dear Arizona,’ he said a little dryly, ‘we’re going to have to start somewhere and some time.’
‘If you’re talking about going to bed—’
‘By no means,’ he interrupted with an amused, mocking little look. ‘Just getting to know each other a little better. I certainly wouldn’t expect you to sleep with me without some sort of a—courtship beforehand.’
‘Declan, if you expect me to indulge in some petting with you,’ she said witheringly, ‘you’re wasting your time!’
‘Don’t you go in for that sort of thing? I don’t blame you,’ he said ruefully. ‘It sounds awful.’
‘Then what?’ she demanded.
‘We could try something a bit more sophisticated,’ he suggested.
‘Along the same lines but by a different name?’ she said bitterly. ‘No, thanks.’
‘So you object to it by any name,’ he murmured. ‘Only with me?’
She stared at him and frowned. ‘I don’t think I get your drift.’
‘I was just wondering whether you’re at all awakened, Arizona..I’ve wondered it before, and then you did tell me that Pete wasn’t a grand passion, if they exist, quote unquote,’ he said gently, but it was a fairly lethal sort of gentleness.
Arizona reacted in several ways. She mentally bit her lip at the same time as she mentally took umbrage and finally came out fighting. ‘Wouldn’t that be a disaster,’ she murmured with a faint smile. ‘To think that you, Declan Holmes, who could probably have any woman he chose, took a frigid bride—dear me!’
‘I didn’t say frigid,’ he replied after subjecting her to an insolently considering little scrutiny—from her head to her toes but particularly the curves in between. ‘I said unawakened, which is an entirely different thing, Arizona.’
‘Oh, I know!’ she conceded with some mockery and added an insolence of her own. ‘I also know how particularly prone men are to imagining they and they alone will be the one to do this... awakening.’
He narrowed his blue eyes thoughtfully. ‘And that sounds as if you have cause to be particularly cynical on the subject, Arizona. Like to tell me why?’
‘No—that is,’ she amended after the first bleak negative sprang to her lips, ‘you don’t have to be a genius or particularly cynical to work it out. Men—’ she waved a hand ‘—are men.’
‘How entirely magnificently damning,’ he said, but this time with genuine amusement.
‘Not especially,’ she said with a shrug. ‘Just realistic.’
‘Do you really believe that?’
‘Why shouldn’t I?’
‘Was Pete like that?’
She looked at him straightly. ‘I’ve told you before, Declan, that’s none of your business.’
‘And I disagreed with you, Arizona, but we won’t pursue it at the moment—’
‘You’re going to find it hard to pursue at any moment,’ she said impatiently and stood up. ‘I think I’ll go to bed, if you don’t mind.’