Terms Of Possession

It was Lisa who had brought him back into her life after meeting him at a party; Lisa who had been just as hopelessly ensnared by the terrifying strength of his attraction. After that he’d sometimes come into the office, or call at Lisa’s while Nadine was there. He’d been aloof, yet somehow more indulgent towards her then than when she had been working with him, little knowing how his lethal sexuality was affecting her as he watched her blossoming into full womanhood.

Sometimes, when he had smiled at her, it had been as if the earth was tipping off its axis. Indeed, the responses rocketing through her had been so profound she had deluded herself that he had to be feeling something too. But it was Lisa he had married so suddenly and unexpectedly four years ago; Lisa who had stayed on with the firm as an unwitting yet constant reminder of all Nadine had lost, with her bubbling happiness and her ceaseless fervour for him. She had only left on her doctor’s advice—rather futile, as it had turned out—that less pressure of work might bring her the child she wanted.

‘Am I the first to know? Oh, great!’ Having forced herself back to the present, Nadine could almost feel her friend’s joy. ‘Then let me tell Cameron. It’ll be as though I’m having this baby myself!’

Wistfully Nadine smiled. She could understand how Lisa felt. But her own emotions seemed numbed-strangely shell-shocked—as though she hadn’t yet begun again to feel.

‘You were certainly worth every cent, Nadine, so now you can go out and blow it! Plus you’ve had the added bonus of knowing what it’s like to sleep with Cameron Hunter!’

‘Lisa!’ Nadine felt hot colour invading her cheeks. She didn’t want to think about that. Nor could she tell her friend about her mother’s operation, and the expensive after-care on which the money was being spent.

‘Oh, come on, don’t be coy about it. I know you must have been simply dying to! If you aren’t admitting to it, then you’re the only one of my friends who hasn’t. But it does have its disadvantages, I can assure you now. As far as any other man’s concerned, you’ll be spoilt for life!’

Embarrassed, Nadine laughed awkwardly. Didn’t she already know that? ‘Be seeing you, Lisa,’ she said quickly, winding up the conversation and putting down the phone, wondering suddenly if Lisa had been drinking.

* * *

She was watching the end of a gripping thriller when the telephone rang that evening, the lateness of the hour making her heart lurch apprehensively as she crossed the small sitting room and switched off the television set to answer it. Supposing it was the hospital?

‘Nadine?’ The last thing she had expected to hear was Cameron Hunter’s deep voice. ‘Nadine, you sound worried. Are you all right?’

‘Yes. Yes, I’m fine.’ Hastily she pulled herself together. If she wanted to keep her troubles from anyone, it was him.

‘I believe congratulations are in order. Lisa told me. Any problems? Or are you feeling all right?’

Funny that he should be the one to ask that, she thought, because Lisa hadn’t.

‘No, none,’ she assured him, even if her knees did feel like jelly! And not only, she realised shamefully, from the dread of bad news about her mother.

‘You sound breathless. I hope I didn’t get you out of bed.’ There was more than courteous concern behind that remark.

‘No, you didn’t.’ Pique turned her cheeks to flame. She might be just a convenient womb for his child but he did, after all, have exclusive knowledge of her sleeping habits, and therefore shouldn’t have had the audacity to suggest anything else!

‘Good.’ Was that double-edged too? She wasn’t sure. ‘I merely wanted you to know that I intend to see that you get all the necessary care and assistance you need over the next eight months or so. I’ll have your medical fees taken care of.’ As he—albeit unwittingly—had made it possible for her to take care of her mother’s? ‘Any problems, ring me…or Lisa.’

‘Thanks.’ She wasn’t sure whether she had imagined that slight hesitancy in his voice. He sounded so coldly practical, though, as though he were simply dealing with one of his clients. But then that was all this was to him, wasn’t it? she thought poignantly. A business transaction. Even so, an unexpected wave of loneliness washed over her after he had rung off, so crushing that she found herself giving in to a sudden bout of tears, which she tried to justify as only the result of her condition coupled with the worries about her mother.

Days tumbled into a week, then two, during which Nadine arranged for her mother’s convalescence in a private nursing home nearer London, where she could receive the necessary care as well as the cardiac rehabilitation she needed at the nearby hospital—although Nadine was concerned to hear that her recovery was being impeded by a slight cold.

‘You’re looking downcast today,’ Larry remarked one morning, coming into Nadine’s office and catching her sitting at her desk in one of her anxious reveries. ‘What do I have to do to whip up a smile on that lovely face?’ And, with mischief in his eyes, ‘Ever been beaten with a will?’

Nadine ducked to avoid the rolled white parchment he was brandishing, his jocular play on words producing the desired effect.

‘You’ll never endear yourself to our senior partner,’ she chided laughingly. Beneath a wild mat of curly brown hair an ear-ring, she noticed, had made itself evident since the previous day.

‘Thank goodness for that!’ Larry laid a hand on his heart. ‘He’s not my type. But while we’re on the subject of being clobbered, you’ll be interested to know Hunter won that case for us—hot on the heels of his success with the Laser-Brompton affair. He must be every opponent’s nightmare. You should go and watch him handling a case some time, if you haven’t done so yet.’

A rush of nausea engulfed her, piercingly acute, and as she staggered to her feet to try and make it to the Ladies’ she heard Larry’s voice coming anxiously, distantly, behind her. ‘Gosh! You look ghastly! Are you all right?’

She was, eventually, and refused his advice to go home as well as his invitation to lunch.

‘Perhaps you had better go easy on the rations with an upset turn,’ he accepted, his obvious concern making her feel guilty in having led him to believe that that was all it was.

She felt better after grabbing a quick sandwich in town, but there was one problem worrying her that she had to straighten out with herself, once and for all.

Strong as her crush on Cameron Hunter had been as a teenager, she had been brutally forced to mature after he had married Lisa, resigning herself to the fact that he belonged to someone else. But ever since that weekend, when he had taken her to that hotel, those old feelings for him had returned with frightening tenacity, making her heart pound every time she heard his name, her temperature rise every time she thought about the mind-blowing skill in the way he had made love to her. And that was both stupid and ill-advisable, she warned herself chasteningly. She had to gain control of herself-strive for the detached and adult attitude in all this that he was obviously managing to maintain.

However, fate, it seemed, was out to test her that day, she decided when, having bought a few things in one of the department stores, she suddenly found herself taking a detour through the mother and baby department.

How strange that she should find herself looking at this, she thought, hesitantly fingering a small white matinee jacket that was hanging on a rail.

When the three of them had talked about this baby in the beginning, Lisa had said she would want to keep the facts of its birth a secret from it, but Cameron had insisted that every child had a right to the truth about its origins. But how would her child feel when it asked its parents, ‘What happened to my real mother?’ How would it react to them saying, ‘She gave you up for cash.’

No! The negation was so strong that she thought she had spoken it aloud. She was being silly. Her baby was going to have loving parents, a far more comfortable and privileged existence than any she could provide. And it wouldn’t have reason to think too harshly of her, surely—even if it didn’t realise it, it had been conceived so that its own grandmother might have the chance to live.

She turned away from the coat, but there were other things to torment her. Little jumpsuits. Rattles. Cuddly toys.

God! She needed a deep breath to stem the acute emotion that suddenly welled up inside her. She hadn’t reckoned on so much feeling so soon. And supposing Mum didn’t…

She couldn’t bring herself to form the thought in her mind. But this was Dawn Kendall’s grandchild she was carrying. Part of her mother. Part of herself. Perhaps the only blood relative she might have one day. Would she be strong enough when the time came simply to hand it over?

Determinedly she got a grip on her recalcitrant emotions, urging herself away from the baby department. Regardless of her own feelings, and the way she felt about the child’s father, she had entered into an agreement-had accepted money in part-payment under that agreement as well as giving Lisa the promise of hope in her childless marriage. She would—had to—remain detached.

Therefore, she decided, it would be best to avoid any further excursions into town by herself.

So when Larry rang her at the flat the following morning and invited her to go swimming with him during the lunch-break, happily she agreed, packing a swimsuit in her bag before she left for the office.

‘Very nice,’ he approved that lunchtime, when she surfaced from under the chlorinated blue water at the sports centre. Her pregnancy hadn’t yet begun to show, although the initial changes in her body had given a firm roundness to her breasts beneath the emerald satin of her swimsuit, temporarily giving her the voluptuous figure she had always envied Lisa. ‘Ever thought of getting involved with an up-and-coming solicitor?’

Larry’s eyes continued to appraise her, his dark hair plastered to his head. ‘Good prospects. Good sense of humour. And an immediate discount on any legal fees.’ He grinned.

‘Only if I can wear the ear-rings!’ Nadine teased, swimming away, because she knew Larry wasn’t really serious. At least, she hoped he wasn’t! Larry Lawson was certainly too unconventional for her!

She was walking back with him through the car park when she noticed the small white BMW convertible parked a little distance away, recognised the cerise silk blouse of the woman sitting in the driving seat.

‘It’s Lisa!’ Nadine hesitated, looking apologetically at the slim, rangy man beside her. ‘Would you mind if I just pop over and have a few words? I’ll see you in the car.’

She didn’t have any special reason for wanting to see Lisa, but she didn’t want her friend to drive off without knowing she was there. That was until she drew nearer the car, and then she stopped in her tracks, suddenly feeling rooted to the spot.

It was Lisa, all right. Nadine couldn’t fail to recognise the chic, short brown hair, raked through with blonde streaks and hard masculine fingers as her friend gave herself up to the arms of the man who was kissing her so passionately. Only it wasn’t Cameron!

Paralysed with shock, for a few moments Nadine couldn’t move. Then, gathering her faculties together, not wanting Lisa to see her, she tore blindly back across the car park.

How could she? The question harrowed her along with the nausea that sprang from more than just the early stages of her pregnancy. How could she? Lisa and another man?

She caught Larry’s surprised, ‘You weren’t long,’ as she climbed into the ancient purring Renault.

And all she could answer was, ‘No.’ She couldn’t believe it! Why would a woman married to a man like Cameron—a woman who had everything—want to…?

‘Are you OK?’ Larry directed a curious glance at her as he pulled out of the car park.

‘Yes,’ she answered mechanically. Only she wasn’t. Revulsion was sickening her. Revulsion and bewilderment, and the already dawning significance of the situation.

She was having a baby. The baby Lisa wanted. The baby she, Nadine, had thought was going to a loving, stable home with loving parents. But Cameron couldn’t know about this! Intuitively she knew he would never have planned a child if he had thought his marriage wasn’t one hundred per cent rock-solid, and she could never have believed Lisa would have—until now. But had she ever really known Lisa?

The seatbelt pulled painfully across her breasts as Larry braked behind the car he had been about to overtake.

‘Sorry.’ He grimaced apologetically. ‘This chap in front shouldn’t be on the road.’

Nadine forced a wan smile, still deep in the mire of her thoughts about Lisa. Lisa and that other man. She had always known her friend was volatile, perhaps even a little neurotic at times recently, but she had put that down to Lisa’s desperation for a baby. And now…

Absently she brushed her damp hair back from her face, staring sightlessly at the busy road ahead. Lisa was deceiving them both—her and Cameron. So how could she, Nadine, hand over her own baby to a woman who was obviously unstable? Deliver it into a home that could wind up broken—just as her own had been?

She scarcely knew what she was doing that afternoon. The decision to which she had come was something that had to be acted upon—and quickly—and her insides were churning queasily as she rang the number of Cameron’s chambers.

What was she going to say to him? I need to see you? And if he agreed to her request, what then?

A mixture of contrary emotions ran through her as a feminine voice told her, ‘I’m afraid he’s still in court. Can I get him to call you when—and if—he comes back?’

‘No!’ Her insides were tying themselves in knots. She didn’t want him ringing her at the office. This matter was too private to risk discussing with anyone else around, apart from which she didn’t think she could stand the suspense of waiting for his call.

‘I’ll try again later,’ she volunteered, feeling like a coward, but as she put down the phone she knew she couldn’t just sit around hoping for him to come back.

She asked Larry if he’d mind her leaving early, and was relieved when he instantly assumed she was still feeling off-colour from the previous day, which ruled out the need for any further explanations, and within minutes she was on her way to the courts.

Hot, her pulse racing, she nevertheless slipped on her light summer jacket as she entered the great Gothic-style building. A security man searched her bag—along with those of other visitors and tourists—before allowing her in through the awesome grandeur of the main hall.

‘Do you know where I’ll find Cameron Hunter?’ Urgently she asked what looked like a member of court staff, and above the echoing sounds of other voices and general activity he started to say something, just as a more familiar voice spoke from behind.

‘Nadine?’

Her breath seemed to lock in her lungs as she swung to face him. Black-gowned, file under his arm, the familiar wig crowning those strong, disciplined features, he looked the intimidating advocate that these days even his more experienced colleagues held in the greatest esteem. That ruthless bearing about him served only to heighten that devastating sexual aura surrounding him.

‘What is it?’ His shoes made a light tap on the mosaic paving as he came towards her, as austere a figure as his stern forebears, staring down at her from the imposing walls. ‘Is anything wrong?’

Nadine swallowed. How could she tell him without incriminating Lisa? How could she explain her decision without giving him a reason why?

‘I—I can’t keep our agreement.’ That wigged forehead creased as though he couldn’t quite grasp what she was saying. ‘I’m keeping the baby.’ It came out too bluntly with the effort of trying to keep her voice steady, and her stomach muscles tightened as Cameron’s eyes glittered like dark sapphires.

‘You what?’

Oh, heaven! What could she say? I love it! And I can’t give my baby up to a woman who can’t even be faithful to her husband! How could she tell him that without causing serious consequences to his marriage?

‘I’m keeping it,’ she repeated tremulously, shuddering from the daunting challenge written in every hard line of his face.

‘And just what—?’

‘Hunter!’

He broke off as someone called to him and as he glanced towards the similarly robed man who was gesturing to him, saying something about seeing the judge, Nadine seized her opportunity and fled.

Oh, what a stupid, stupid thing to do! Breathless, blood racing, she came out into the bright July sunshine, anxiously glancing back over her shoulder with a sigh of relief to realise that Cameron hadn’t chased after her. He probably had more pressing business with the judge. But if her decision had angered him, then running away like that would only have incensed him further, she realised dauntingly. Only what else could she have done?

She had no sound explanation to offer for her decision to keep the baby—only the truth. And there was no way that she was going to tell him that! If Lisa was playing around it was hardly her business, or her right to bring it to his attention. What was her business, though, was making certain that her baby had a secure and happy home. And if that meant having one parent instead of two, as originally planned, then it would have to be.

Still unable to face him, though, when she hadn’t yet come to terms with Lisa’s betrayal, she went back to the flat, packed a bag, and, worried that he might call, took off for the suburbs to be near her mother for the weekend on the first available train.

When she arrived back late on Sunday night it was with the knowledge that the threatened cold following her mother’s operation hadn’t developed into anything serious. Consequently it was the memory of Lisa in the car park with that other man which kept her awake for hours. That, and what she herself was going to say to Cameron when he demanded to see her—as he undoubtedly would, she thought, with a cold apprehension stealing through her.

Finally, though, she drifted into a restless slumber, waking with such a severe bout of morning sickness that she had to telephone the office to say she wouldn’t be in until later.

It was halfway through the morning before she began to feel better, but her stomach muscles tightened painfully when the doorbell rang just as she was preparing to leave.

‘Going somewhere?’ Cameron’s gaze flitted coldly over her short-sleeved white blouse and beige skirt, and the matching jacket she had thrown over her arm.

‘I—I was just leaving for the office.’ Looking unusually pale, she took a step back as he thrust his way in uninvited.

‘The office can wait.’ He threw the door closed behind him, and a contrary mixture of fear and desolation shivered through Nadine. On Friday he’d looked angry. Today he was looking at her with an emotion almost akin to hatred, his voice purposefully soft as he said, ‘You aren’t going anywhere.’

He seemed big and imposing in her tiny hallway, memory serving to remind her, as her eyes registered the impeccable cut of his dark suit, that he had never actually been in her flat before.

‘You’ve already had half the morning off. Another hour isn’t going to make any difference—only to the answers you’re going to give me!’

Apprehensive, Nadine took another step back, feeling the sudden cool barrier of the wall through her thin blouse. So he’d telephoned the office first.

‘Cameron—I know you’ve a right to be angry…’

‘Angry?’ He gave a harsh laugh. ‘Oh, I’m not angry! I’m downright disgusted!’ She gasped as he moved disturbingly close, his hands coming up, one on either side of her, so that she was imprisoned against the wall. ‘You come and tell me you’re going to keep that baby, without even having the guts to stay and explain why, and then spend the whole weekend conveniently out of reach-and probably at my expense!’

‘That’s not true!’ His words cut into her like shards of jagged glass. His closeness was making her head swim, evoking feelings—memories—of an intimacy she didn’t want to remember.

‘Isn’t it?’ His mouth was a slash of disdain. ‘Then where the hell were you? I’ve been ringing—calling round since you ran out on me on Friday. Where have you been? In hiding? Afraid to face me, Nadine?’ His gaze raked icily over the tense lines of her face. ‘I wonder why?’

His tone had grown so unnervingly soft that she shuddered visibly. He’d judged her actions correctly, if not her motives!

‘Hasn’t a woman the right to want to keep her child?’ she uttered, her green eyes holding his unwaveringly, in spite of herself. ‘It’s something that takes over. A maternal instinct…’

‘Maternal instincts be hanged!’ Tremblingly she shrank from his palpable anger. ‘You’ll have to do better than that, Nadine. And why didn’t you tell Lisa? I thought she and you were supposed to be friends. Why come to me with your cold-hearted little message? Or did even the self-centred Nadine Kendall have enough sensitivity to realise that she wouldn’t be able to take it?’

She looked at him, scared. Oh, God! Please don’t let her actions have done anything to…

‘Stop piling on the innocence, Nadine. She was counting on that baby—and you know it! Do you realise the depths of frustration and disappointment she had to go through—the desperation she had to feel to have to resort to asking another woman to provide her with the baby she couldn’t conceive herself? And suddenly to be told she wasn’t going to have it after all—’ She could feel his loathing in the breath that shuddered through his lungs, in the angry, pulsing heat of his body. ‘You’ve broken up my marriage, you mercenary, calculating little bitch! And if you think you’re going to rob me of my child as well as wrecking my home, you’ve got another think coming!’

Nadine stared at him, eyes disbelieving. Lisa—gone? True, she’d seen her in the car park, kissing that other man. But leaving Cameron…

‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she uttered meekly, stunned both by the knowledge that Lisa would actually want to end her marriage and the sudden cold fear that Cameron might try to take the baby away.

‘No?’ Clearly he wasn’t going to accept that, she realised despairingly, feeling a little less threatened when he lowered his arms, slipping his hands into his trouser pockets. ‘You think you’re blameless?’

‘Yes! I mean…’ Oh, goodness! What was she trying to say? She’d only been doing what she’d thought was best for the baby—what any mother in the same situation would have done. But if Cameron believed Lisa was so innocent, then let him carry on thinking it! It wasn’t her place to put him straight. He’d hardly thank her for it, anyway. ‘I’m sorry,’ was all she could offer him, rather lamely.

‘Sorry?’ He rocked back on his heels, contempt in every hard inch of him. ‘Are you trying to tell me you didn’t have this planned from the very beginning? If Lisa was right, and you’re as anti-men as she had me believe—’

‘She said that?’

‘She hardly needed to. It’s patently obvious.’ She barely heard his scathing response, still trying to come to terms with Lisa saying something that was totally untrue. ‘You never go out with anyone—not regularly-only the odd, privileged male you might condescend to allow to date you when you’re feeling like some masculine company. So how did you go about choosing the father of your baby? Were you looking for a particular kind of pedigree? Or was it the thought of the five-figure cheque that appealed to the virgo intacta?’

The report that rang through the tiny hall was like the crack of a whip. Open-mouthed, hand smarting, Nadine stared at the reddening mark on his cheek, and she gave a small, frightened cry as he grabbed her, pushing her back against the wall.

‘Don’t you dare raise your hand to me, you cheap, double-crossing little vixen! All that talk about honour!’ His hands on her upper arms were bruising, frighteningly powerful, his contemptuous reminder of that night in that Essex hotel scorching her cheeks with shame. ‘You used me!’