The Nanny's Christmas Wish

“Not in years,” she said as Cody gave the ball a solid kick. “Not since college.”

“You can kick it around with us,” he offered, and Maggie’s chest squeezed at the invitation. “Right, Code?”

Cody darted a glance up at Maggie, then to his dad. He nodded and zeroed back in on the ball as it flew off Josh’s foot. She was tempted, but she shook her head. “No thanks,” she said to the top of Josh’s head. No topside bald spot for him. “Maybe another time.”

He executed some fancy footwork with the ball, indicating more than a passing relationship with the game of soccer. “Sounds good. We’ve got to go in soon, anyway. Almost bedtime for someone.”

Cody’s head came up. “It’s not dark yet,” he protested and Maggie smothered a laugh.

“Not yet,” Josh agreed. “But it will be soon. Five more minutes, big guy, and it’s time to hit the shower.”

Maggie turned from the railing and walked back inside. While she could watch the two of them interact for hours, it probably wasn’t a good idea. Keeping a distance was the best option.

Still, she left the door open to hear their voices and laughter, the thunk of the ball, as the sounds all drifted in on the chilly evening breeze.

* * *

Maggie spent the next two weeks doing an admirable job of ignoring the physical attraction she felt for Josh. Part of that had been keeping a bit of an emotional distance, developing a routine that worked for Cody but kept her out of incidental contact with Josh as much as possible. She kept her professionalism front and center.

Except for today.

Somehow she’d been roped into a family dinner.

Still not sure exactly how Ellen had gotten her to accept the invitation, Maggie stared out the window of Josh’s SUV. The trees clipped by as she replayed the conversation in her head.

Dinner, Ellen had said. Love to have you join us.

When Maggie opened her mouth to decline she found herself accepting instead. An apparent disconnect of common sense and her tongue.

So here she sat with Josh and Cody on the way to Ellen’s. The whole thing blurred lines she’d been so careful to keep clear.

“Gramma has a dog,” Cody announced into the silence. Josh had been very quiet. Thinking maybe of Lucy? She certainly was never far from Maggie’s thoughts.

She half turned in her seat, grateful for the interruption. “She does? What kind?”

“A big one,” Cody said, his gaze on the back of Josh’s head. “Right, Daddy?”

“That’s right,” Josh agreed. He slid a glance her way. “Friendly, though. In case you were wondering.”

“I like dogs,” she said. “What’s his name?”

“Riley,” Cody said.

“That’s a good name.” She thought wistfully of Bear, the dog she’d shared with Tony. Bear had stayed with him. One more thing she’d surrendered to be free of the marriage.

“Are you okay over there?”

She blinked and looked over at Josh. “I’m fine. I used to have a dog,” she blurted.

“Really?” Josh and Cody said in unison.

She was in it now. “Yes. His name is Bear.”

“Where is he?” Cody asked.

“Well.” Here goes. “He’s with my, um, ex-husband.”

Cody’s eyes rounded and out of the corner of her eye Maggie saw Josh flex his hand on the steering wheel. A small ball of unease settled in her stomach. Had he known she was divorced? She’d told Ellen. She couldn’t remember if it’d come up otherwise.

“Don’t you miss him?”

She knew who Cody meant. “I miss Bear. I do.” She’d never really missed Tony, only what they never really had. In retrospect, it said so much about her marriage. “He’s a good dog, but an old one. We thought it was better for him to stay in his own familiar house.”

“Gramma will share Riley. Right, Daddy?”

“Of course.” Josh sent a quick smile her way.

Touched, Maggie smiled at each of them in turn. “Thank you. That’s so sweet.”

“You can meet him in a few.” Josh turned onto a gravel drive. “We’re here.”

They wound through the trees for a short distance before opening up to a large lawn and a low ranch house. A big dog of any number of breeds loped across the grass, barking and wagging his entire rear end.

“That’s Riley!” Cody cried as the SUV came to a stop. The little boy popped the seat belt on his car seat and jumped out the door to roll with the dog on the ground, the age-old greeting of little boys and big canines.

“Good thing it’s not wet out,” Josh commented as he and Maggie unbuckled.

“Would that stop him?” Maggie asked as she watched Riley lick Cody’s face.

Josh paused, then grinned over at his son. “Not likely,” he admitted. His keys slipped out of his hand and fell with a clank on the floor.

Since they landed on her side, Maggie leaned over and reached for them. Josh did the same and their heads bumped. She sat up. “Oh! Sorry.”

“My fault.” He leaned over and touched her forehead lightly. Her traitorous nerve endings gave a little zing. “You’ve got a bit of red mark here.”

For a heartbeat, their gazes locked and her pulse skipped, then kicked up as the teasing in his eyes melted to heat. Awareness sparked between them, a quick flare. She could smell the spicy soap he’d used, the detergent on his clothes. She curled her hand around her purse strap, as if it could keep her from leaning over just a little farther to see what he tasted like.

A joyful bark broke the spell.

“Ah. Well, we’d better get inside,” Josh said and nearly leaped out of the SUV.

She shut her eyes for a moment. The past two weeks had slipped by so smoothly. No awkward moments like this one, where the inappropriate attraction reared its ugly head. She’d managed to convince herself it had gone away.

So much for that.

Maggie inhaled deeply as she got out of the vehicle, as if the extra air would squish the butterflies that rioted in her belly. She needed to settle her pulse before she went in to face Josh’s mother and the woman’s very sharp eyes.

Before she could take two steps, Cody and Riley barreled around the front end of the SUV.

“This is Riley,” Cody announced, his fingers trailing down the dog’s spine. “Wanna pet him?”

Riley plunked his rear down in the gravel and wagged his tail. Maggie rubbed her hand between the dog’s big ears. “He’s a nice boy,” she said. “Isn’t he?”

“Yeah. He’s my friend. C’mon, Riley, let’s go play!” Boy and dog raced off.

She started toward the house and faltered. Josh stood between her and the door, hands in his pockets, his pensive gaze fixed where Cody and Riley had disappeared. For a wild second she wished she could go over and slip her arms around him, but that ended in a wave of guilt. She wanted to bang her head on the nearest hard surface. What was wrong with her? He couldn’t be more off-limits, widowed or not. He’d been married to her half sister. The fact she’d never known Lucy didn’t make it right.

* * *

Josh saw Maggie’s indecision, appreciated it. Best if they forgot about the thing in the truck just now. If he forgot how badly he’d wanted to lean a little closer, capture her lips with his own. See if she tasted as sweet as she smelled.

Too bad it was impossible. Thinking how much Lucy would have loved to see Cody roughhousing with Riley put a quick damper on his inappropriate emotions.

He shook off the melancholy thoughts as Maggie closed the distance between them and tried to act normal.

“Like Riley?”

He sensed her relax a fraction. “I do. What is he, part shepherd?”

“And a lot of other things.” They started walking again and Josh noted she kept a few extra inches between them. Just as well. “At the shelter, they weren’t quite sure what all he had in him.”

“A pedigree’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” Her tone was light, but he caught an undertone of something darker in her words. Referring, maybe, to the ex-husband? That had been a bit of a shock. Not that she’d been married, but that some stupid guy had let her go.

Before he could formulate a reply, Ellen opened the front door and waved. “Hurry up, you two! Cody and Riley will eat all the cookies if you don’t get in here.”

“What, there’s cookies? Before dinner? I’m there.” Josh heard Maggie’s soft giggle at his words and something that had been coiled tightly inside him loosened and warmed.

“Well, we’ve got company, and Halloween is two days away. Good excuse as any to bake.” Ellen gave Maggie a quick hug before stepping aside. “Good to see you, honey. Come on in.”

Josh followed the women inside, took Maggie’s coat and his own to the entry closet. He caught a whiff of her perfume, something light and fruity, from the shearling jacket she’d worn. He resisted the urge to bury his face in it and inhale.

So different from the heavy, provocative scents Lucy had favored.

He shoved the jackets in the closet and closed the door a little harder than necessary. Two things he knew. One, no more guilty comparisons allowed today. And two, leaving his matchmaking mother alone with Maggie for too long was not a good plan.

* * *

Later that evening, Maggie tied the laces of her running shoes, then leaned on the foyer wall to stretch her calves. She needed a good hard run to get the whole afternoon out of her system.

As enjoyable as it’d been, she couldn’t shake the sense she’d been handpicked for Josh as much as Cody. Ellen, bless her, hadn’t exactly been subtle with her comments and questions. The older woman clearly thought the time had come for her son to move on. Maggie knew she wasn’t the right woman for Josh, even if she couldn’t tell Ellen why.

He’d held her at arm’s length all afternoon, clearly wanting to discourage his mother. It hadn’t worked but it had helped Maggie feel better. Sort of. Considering they’d gone from that moment of...whatever it had been in the truck to being simply polite and civil. She felt a little whiplashed and it was her own fault.

So. She needed to clear her head.

She tugged down the hem of her bright pink hoodie and opened the front door. Josh and Cody had settled down in the family room to watch Cars, Cody’s favorite movie. Their laughter and the buttery scent of fresh popcorn followed her outside even as she tried to quash the longing to join them.

She headed down the block, toward town, past houses all decked out for Halloween, with orange lights and scarily fun decorations. A few already sported carved pumpkins.

Josh’s street ended three blocks down at the town square. Another block or so over and she’d be on the water. A trail did follow the lake, but since it was nearing dark she opted to stick to the sidewalks. She reveled in the heat of her muscles and the pound of her shoes as she fell into the familiar rhythm. She let her mind go blank and just enjoyed the moment, the bite of the evening air, the breeze on her face, the bounce of her ponytail on her back.

Four miles later, she spotted another jogger on the same course, coming at her. She dropped to a cool-down walk as the other person approached. Maggie recognized her as the woman who lived down the block from Josh in the house that was undergoing a renovation.

“Hi,” she said, and the other woman smiled and swung around to walk with her.

“Hi. We finally meet, I see.” She held out one paint-splattered hand. “It’s dry, I promise,” she added with a laugh. “I’m Hannah McKay. I meant to get down and introduce myself earlier but I’ve been swamped.”

“Maggie Thelan.” She released Hannah’s hand and shoved a damp tendril of hair off her forehead. “Cody Tanner’s nanny. Do you know the Tanners?”

Hannah nodded. “I do. Mrs. Herman used to bring Cody down to the park on the corner almost every day.”

“We haven’t made it there yet, but I plan to. You’re remodeling?”

Hannah blew out a breath. “I am. I’m hoping to turn it into a bed-and-breakfast by next summer. It needs...well, it needs some love. No other way to put it.”

Maggie pictured the imposing structure with its peeling paint and sagging porch. “I guess it does.”

Hannah followed her train of thought. “The outside looks scary, but it’s in better condition than you think. Anytime you have a few extra moments you should stop over and I’ll show you. I can always use another perspective. Not to mention the help.”

“I’d like that,” Maggie said, delighted. “Are you doing this all by yourself?”

Hannah closed her eyes for an instant. “Yes. Yes, I am,” she said. “Anyway, just knock. I’m always there. Except for when I’m at the home center,” she added thoughtfully. “Which seems to take a good amount of my time. And money.”

Maggie laughed. “Yeah, I bet.”

“All right then. I’m serious. Come down anytime.”

The prospect of a friend was heartening. “You know, I just might take you up on that.”

“Please do. It was really nice to finally meet you.” Hannah gave a little wave and turned around to continue on her run, her short blond ponytail bouncing. Maggie continued to head for home, her heart a little lighter.

In the driveway, she stretched out before entering the house. The noise of the movie carried clearly from the family room. She toed off her shoes and put them in the closet. With any luck, she could just sneak up the stairs and escape into her room without having to face Josh or the disturbing fact she’d nearly kissed him this afternoon.

“How was your run?”

Maggie jumped at Josh’s quiet voice. He stood in the shadow of the hallway, outside the kitchen. Great. Here she stood, sweaty and gross—she stopped the thought. It didn’t matter. He was off-limits, no matter what his mother’s intentions were, or how much she wished circumstances could be different. “Oh, fine. It’s a lovely night. I met Hannah down the street.”

“That’s good. Mrs. Herman liked her a lot.” He hesitated. “Do you want to join Cody and me? We’ve got way more popcorn then we’ll ever eat.” He tipped the full popcorn bowl slightly in her direction.

Yes. The single word danced on the end of her tongue, but she bit it back. “Thanks, but not tonight.” But oh, she wished she could.

Even in the dim light of the foyer, she saw both relief and disappointment flash across his face, echoing what was warring inside her. She wasn’t sure if it made her feel better or worse to know he might be struggling with the same thing she was.

“Another time maybe.” He gave her a nod and turned to go in the living room.

“Maybe,” she echoed but knew she’d avoid it if she’d learned anything from their near-miss kiss that afternoon. Still, as she ran up the stairs, she couldn’t suppress a little shiver at how close they’d come, or the disappointment they’d been interrupted.

She wasn’t sure which one was more dangerous.

Chapter Four

“I’m sorry, Maggie, I’m running a little behind.” Josh’s harried voice carried clearly over the phone the next evening. “I know it’s pumpkin-carving night. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Maggie pulled two plates out of the cupboard. “It’s okay. It happens. We’ll wait for you.”

“If I’m going to be more than an hour I’ll call again. Then you can start without me.” Voices in the background, then Josh spoke again. “Gotta run. See you later.”

“Okay. Bye.” She hung up, turned to find Cody standing behind her.

“Was that my daddy?” he asked.

She reached out and touched his soft curls. He didn’t step away the way he would have a week ago. Her heart warmed. “Yep. He’s going to be a little late. We’ll go ahead and eat, okay? Then maybe we can get stuff set up so you and your dad can carve the pumpkins.”

After dinner and kitchen cleanup, Cody divided his time between the front window and the pumpkins lined up on the kitchen floor. So Maggie took matters into her own hands.

“Let’s get ready to carve. We can get the newspaper spread out to keep the floor clean,” she told Cody as she pulled a bunch of papers out of the recycle pile. “And we can start cleaning the pumpkins out. That way, when your dad gets here, you guys can start carving right away. Okay?”

Cody sent a lingering look at the door. “Okay,” he said with a dramatic sigh. She suppressed a smile.

“He’ll be here soon,” she assured the little boy and handed him a folded section of newspaper. “Open it like this, and lay it down. We’ll need a couple of layers.”

Josh walked in as they finished spreading the newspapers on part of the tile floor. Cody hurried over to greet him.

“Hi, Daddy! Look! We put papers down to keep the punkin stuff off the floor. And Maggie brought the punkins in so they wouldn’t get cold,” he added.

Josh tugged at his tie and arched his brow at Maggie. “Really? I didn’t know pumpkins got cold.” Despite his teasing tone, he looked tired. His hair was slightly mussed as if he’d thrust his fingers through it more than once. Her fingers itched to smooth it back down.

She gave him a little smile instead and kept her voice steady. “Well, they do inside. No way am I sticking my hand in a freezing cold pumpkin.”

Josh chuckled. “Good point.”

“Maggie said she’d make the seeds so we could eat ’em when we’re done,” Cody said.

“We’ll roast them. They make a yummy snack,” she explained.

“Sounds good. I’m going to go change. Be right back,” Josh said as he tugged the tails of his shirt out of the waist of his chinos. Maggie caught a glimpse of smooth skin and taut abs and her mouth went dry.

Then she gave herself a mental slap. Really? A teeny glimpse of skin was all it took to get her hormones fired up? Sheesh. She squeezed her eyes shut for a second, then shifted her attention to the little boy sitting by the pumpkins. He was her focus. Definitely not his father.

“Okay, Cody,” she said brightly. “Which one is yours again?”

She knew, of course, because he’d told her several times the biggest pumpkin was his. But she asked the question anyway since it guaranteed an excited response.

Cody patted the huge pumpkin. It hit him midthigh. “This one!” he said with glee.

Maggie smiled and pretended to slap her forehead. “Of course that’s yours. What was I thinking? Are you ready to help me clean it out?” She wrangled it onto the newspaper. Despite sitting in the house for the better part of the day, its smooth skin was cold under her hands. “Whew! This is awfully heavy, Cody. I bet it has a lot of seeds. Let’s see, okay?”

Cody did a little dance. “Yeah! I want to see.”

Josh reentered the kitchen. She looked up and managed to hold on to her smile when she took stock of him. Faded jeans, worn T-shirt, bare feet. She managed not to lick her lips and forced her attention back to the task at hand. “You’re just in time.”

He held her gaze just a fraction too long, then dropped away. She was afraid she’d glimpsed regret in his gaze. For what? He cleared his throat. “That’s good. I’m glad I made it. I wouldn’t want to miss this. Can I help?”

“Yes.” She held out her hand, pleased it stayed steady, in mock imitation of a surgeon. “Scalpel, please.”

His mouth twitched as he grabbed the pumpkin-carving tool off the counter and slapped it in her palm. “Check.”

She plunged the tool into the top of the pumpkin and sawed it around the crown. The rich, fresh scent of the fruit rose up and little bits of the shell went flying. Cody watched, leaning on his father, eyes huge. When she whipped the top off with a triumphant flourish, Josh grinned and nudged Cody.

“She doesn’t mess around, does she?”

Cody grinned back. “Can we carve it now?”

Maggie shook her head. “We have to clean it out, remember?” She tipped the pumpkin toward him. “Look at all the seeds. Let’s get them out of here. You want to help? Then you and your dad can start carving.”

Cody kneeled beside her and she handed him a pasta spoon with a smile. He returned her smile, then said softly, “I want to carve it with you.”

Maggie couldn’t breathe, caught in the little boy’s earnest bright blue eyes. Tears burned in her throat as her gaze flew to Josh, who wore a small smile, then back to his son. She swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled at her nephew. “Then we’d better get cracking, don’t you think?”

* * *

Later that night Maggie sat on the front porch step, bathed in the glow of the orange twinkle lights strung on the porch railing. The full moon’s silvery cast provided additional light. She pulled a soft fleece throw tighter around her shoulders to ward off the evening chill. The carved pumpkins, all three of them, flickered at her feet.

Progress. She’d made it tonight with Cody. He’d wanted to give her a hug—finally—before he went to bed. A little shiver of joy slipped through her. She could still feel those strong little-boy arms around her neck.

From a nanny point of view, she figured he finally felt comfortable with her. That was a huge step, one she’d been waiting anxiously for. From the auntie point of view—well, he’d hugged her. A small smile tugged at her lips and she tipped her head up to look at the stars. What could be better?

Behind her the door opened and closed with a soft snick. She tensed as Josh eased himself down beside her, and willed the totally inappropriate warmth away. Being his employee was enough to make him off-limits. She couldn’t afford to make that mistake again.

Being her former brother-in-law sent it out of the park.

“I think you won Cody over tonight,” he said, his words accompanied with a puff of breath on the chilly air.

Pleasure slid through her and she smiled. “Not many kids, especially little boys, can resist the opportunity to get slimy.”

“True.” He draped his forearms on his knees with a low chuckle that heated Maggie in places she didn’t want to name. “For some of us, it never goes away.”

She laughed, started to rise. Best not to be out here with him too long. “Boys will be boys, I guess. Well, it’s late. I’m going to head in.”

He reached out and snagged her wrist. Her nerve endings briefly sizzled and she resisted the urge to yank her arm away. Her gaze locked on his. Even in the dim light she saw pain and pleading there. Her breath caught.

“Stay. Please. For a minute. If you’re cold we can go in. I just— I want to tell you a little bit about Cody’s mom. About what happened.”

Maggie stopped breathing. She sank back down carefully, as if moving too fast would shatter the moment and send it skittering out of her reach, like marbles on a hard floor.

“Okay,” she said, relieved her voice sounded normal. She chanced a peek at him, saw in the soft light the hard set of his jaw. She could almost feel the waves of tension rolling off him. Her belly clenched in response and she linked her fingers together tightly to keep them from shaking.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and Maggie held her breath, afraid to give away how badly she wanted to know. Why she wanted to know.

“This is hard,” he admitted, his voice rough. “I don’t talk about Lucy much. A lot happened after her death.” He stared down at the step, seeming to wrestle with something internally, and Maggie’s heart cracked. “I won’t burden you with the details. Suffice it to say her parents blamed me. But whatever our issues were, Lucy loved Cody. More than anything. She was a good mom. When I realized she wasn’t going to make it after the—the accident, I promised her I’d put Cody first, before anything and everything else. I don’t know if she heard me, but it’s a promise I’ve honored for almost four years. It’s the least I can do for her. And for Cody.”

Maggie swallowed. She heard both the warning and the regret in his voice. He’d made a vow and intended to keep it. She could understand and respect that, and she would. But still, there was no blame here.

She laid her hand on his arm and tried for diplomacy. “Josh, it’s not your fault she died. How could they think that?” A snowy night, the newspaper article had said, and the car hit a tree. Lucy had been the only occupant in the vehicle.

In the cold wash of the silver moon, she saw his features go even harder. The rough wool of his jacket scraped her hand when he pulled his arm away and stood up. “Because it’s the truth.” The rawness in his voice sliced across her soul. “Her family wants nothing to do with me. Sad to say, it’s mutual. I’m sorry I brought it up, Maggie. Not sure what I was thinking. Forget I said anything.”