My Fair Gentleman
She looked toward the bar as if seeking someone’s congratulations. Her smile dimmed.
Joe’s head snapped around.
A man watched her from a bar stool. Blond hair, medium build, disapproving expression. Obviously her companion for the evening. Joe didn’t like him.
The man’s gaze moved to him, and Joe stiffened. Pretty Boy’s appraisal was cold, amused and very thorough. Joe’s dislike verged on something stronger.
“I’ve been hustled,” Earl protested, breaking the hostile moment.
Joe turned and grinned at the old man’s sour expression. “No, you were beat fair and square. My debt’s canceled and you owe the lady a handshake.”
Earl glanced at Catherine with grudging respect. “Maybe she could show me how she did that jump shot. I never been able to do it worth a damn.” He shuffled over to the table, where Catherine stood racking balls with awkward jerky movements.
Where had her gracefulness gone? Joe eyed the blond-haired man at the bar thoughtfully, then looked back at the disgruntled customers returning to their own interrupted games. Manhood had suffered a blow tonight. They were not happy campers. An irresistible idea hit him.
He went with the moment and cupped his hand to his mouth. “Listen up, guys. There’s a free beer for anyone who’s interested.”
Heads turned and faces lit. Skeeter took three steps forward then stopped, his expression suspicious. “Hey, you couldn’t even pay off Earl. How’re you gonna buy us all a beer?”
Joe couldn’t contain his slow grin. “I’m not buyin’.” His thumb jerked toward Pretty Boy at the bar. “He is.”
CATHERINE GLARED across the small round table at Joe’s casual sprawl and straightened her spine. He’d insisted on waiting for their beers to arrive before listening to her proposal. The delay gave her too much time to think. Too much time to analyze.
She, Catherine Eliza Hamilton, who could trace her paternal ancestry back to English royalty, had threatened a man’s family jewels with her cue stick. She’d used her Ph.D. in psychology to rattle Earl’s composure and win a game of billiards. And as if that wasn’t enough, she’d enjoyed herself tremendously during both activities.
Thank heavens her father was away, lecturing at Oxford University. She wouldn’t have to hear him rant about her appalling lack of decorum—the product of her mother’s working-class genes of course. He’d blamed Mary Lou Hamilton for his daughter’s every fall from grace since Catherine was three years old.
Mary Lou had been a waitress before marrying Lawrence Hamilton, of the impoverished but socially prominent Connecticut Hamiltons. He’d divulged that tidbit the year Catherine had turned sixteen and begged to work at a movie theater with her friends. Instead of serving popcorn, she’d spent the summer serving up research for his latest Psychology Journal article.
Although she now cowrote those articles, her father had never gotten around to adding her name to the byline.
Sighing, she watched a miniskirted blonde approach their table carrying a tray. Joe’s teeth flashed white against his dark stubble as he drew in his long legs. The woman’s faux-leather hips swayed harder. Her breasts jiggled in the aftershock. Disgusting. Why, she looked old enough to be his…older sister. And that smile was positively incestuous.
Bending low, the buxom waitress set two frosty bottles on the turquoise Formica. “Here they are, Joe, nice’n cold.”
He wiggled his brows at the plump cleavage six inches from his nose. “Want me to warm ‘em up for ya, Tammy?”
She bopped him on the head with her plastic tray, ignoring his indignant yelp. “Behave yourself, Joe Tucker, or I’ll tell Allie you dropped your pants for the whole bar.” Splaying hot-pink fingernails on one hip, she turned toward Catherine. “You watch yourself, hon. Allie’s the only one who can control her dad. Always clownin’ around, he is. Either that, or breakin’ hearts. He’s a real smooth talker.”
An unintelligible grunt sounded from behind her back.
“See what I mean?” Tammy’s blue eyes twinkled as she turned. “That’ll be three bucks for your beer, Joe.” She winked to take the sting out of her demand.
Frowning, he fumbled in his back pocket. “What about the lady?”
“Are you kiddin’? Any woman who can shut Gary up and kick Earl’s butt in the same night deserves a reward. Her beer’s on me.”
Meeting Tammy’s admiring gaze, Catherine took back her snide thought about silicone implants.
Joe flipped open his worn wallet and extracted a five-dollar bill. Catherine couldn’t help seeing it was the last of his cash. She glanced toward the bar where Carl sat brooding over his American Express receipt. Before tonight, she’d never seen her fiancé forced to do anything he hadn’t planned.
“Wait,” she said, halting Tammy’s outstretched hand. “Put them both on Mr. Wilson’s tab, please. And be sure to give yourself a big tip.”
Tammy glanced over her shoulder at Carl and looked back grinning. “Anything you say, hon. The customer’s always right.” Tucking the tray under her. arm, she swished off toward the bar.
Joe twisted the cap off one beer, wiped the glass lip with his sleeve and offered it to Catherine. No quaint mug in sight. Repressing a shudder, she accepted the bottle and told herself his jersey was cleaner than it looked.
He opened the second bottle for himself and cocked his head. “Okay, Catherine, I’m all ears. What’s so all-fired important you wanted to talk to me about?”
At last. “My future counseling practice.”
“Your future…Are you a shrink?” He spat the word out as if it were castor oil.
“I’m a psychologist,” she corrected. “Up until now I’ve acted as research assistant to my father. I’m sure you’ve seen him interviewed on TV—Dr. Lawrence Hamilton? He heads up the Department of Counseling and Educational Psychology at Richmond College?”
Joe looked remarkably unimpressed.
“He wrote The Five-Minute Intelligence Test. All the major talk shows booked him as a guest,” she added helpfully.
Shrugging, Joe spread his hands. “Sorry. Never heard of him.”
Catherine felt a shocking surge of satisfaction. “Where have you been the past year?”
Eyeing her closely through slitted lids, he tilted his head back and took a deep swallow of beer. When he rested the bottle on his muscular thigh, over a third of its contents had vanished. “You really don’t know who I am, do you?”
She drew her brows together. “Should I?”
He chuckled ruefully. “Guess not. On paper I played for the Astros, but my knees were on ice half the time.”
“You’re a hockey player?” This was terrible.
“I said Astros, not Aeros. As in the baseball team,” he explained, his male disgust palpable.
Baseball, hockey—they both meant road trips, lots of publicity…“Wait a minute. Did you say played?”
“Yeah.” His bleak tone matched his eyes. “Right now I’m kinda at loose ends.”
She broke into a joyful smile, then smothered it at his startled look. “I’m changing jobs, too. That is, I’d like to establish my own family counseling practice. But my fiancé—the man buying the drinks tonightwants a more…traditional relationship.”
Joe knuckled his eye sockets, blew out a breath and held her gaze. “Catherine…work with me here. What the hell do I have to do with any of this?”
Oh, God. She took a tiny sip of beer and grimaced. What she wouldn’t give right now for a snifter of Remy Martin to bolster her courage. “I need you to win a bet I made with Carl.”
“A bet.”
“That’s right. Over dinner, we were discussing Father’s theory that intelligent sophisticates are born, not made. Carl agrees with the theory. I don’t.” She cleared her throat. “I’m afraid I became a tad… vehement.”
Her fiancé had stepped into her father’s shoes for the summer and triggered years of suppressed rebellion. She’d actually raised her voice in a chic restaurant defending environmental versus genetic influence on behavior. Every paternal slur regarding her own “tainted” gene pool had fueled her heated challenge.
“You might wanna speed things up, doll. This place closes soon.” Joe’s dark eyes gleamed with amusement.
She rubbed damp palms down her dress, then folded them on the table. “I wagered I could tutor anyone of Carl’s choosing and pass that person off as a member of high society to the world’s biggest snob.”
He cocked a brow.
“My father,” she said.
“I see.” His rapidly cooling stare sent a shiver down her spine. “So your boyfriend went slumming for a lowlife sure to flunk and picked me?”
It sounded awful put that way. She peeled at the sodden label on her beer bottle. “Please don’t be offended. Carl is very competitive. He hates to lose. And let’s face it, you were mooning the ceiling when he picked you.”
Joe’s hooded gaze never wavered. “Just out of curiosity, what do you get for winning?”
“If I win, Carl has agreed to finance my private practice until I develop a clientele.” She read his unspoken question and shrugged. “The Hamiltons may have impeccable breeding and a history of academic brilliance—but they have no head for managing money.”
Glancing toward the bar, Joe twisted his mouth. “I take it Pretty Boy doesn’t think you can turn a sandlot player into a major-league all-star. What does he get for winning?”
“Stop calling him that.”
“Pretty? Or Boy?”
He wanted sarcasm? Fine. “Carl gets a pedigreed hostess for his parties. Someone who’ll dote on him and his children, instead of her career.”
“You mean he’ll get a slave, while you give up your dream.”
“No, he’ll get a wife, whether I establish a practice or become a stay-at-home mom. When it comes to family, Carl and I have the same dream, the same values. Once I win, he’ll see that my personal obligations won’t suffer for my career.”
Joe snorted and shook his head.
“Are you married?” she asked bluntly.
“No.” His expression grew shuttered.
“Sounds like you don’t think too highly of the institution.”
“Since my wife died, I don’t think about it at all if I can help it. Can we get back to the point, here?”
Embarrassment held her mute. He obviously still grieved for his wife, and she’d intruded on his privacy.
“Earth to Catherine,” he drawled as if addressing an airhead.
Her sympathy vanished. “The point is, I need your help, and you admitted you’re at loose ends right now. So will you do it?”
He looked off into space for so long she thought he wasn’t going to answer.
“And just what do I get for helping you win your bet?” he asked, his keen gaze sliding back to hers.
Her mind went blank. “Well, let’s see…” She hadn’t prepared beyond his acceptance. “What do you want?”
Joe drained his bottle of beer in two gulps, wiped his mouth with the back of one hand and delivered a volcanic burp.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
CHAPTER TWO
THE BURP WAS a nice touch, Joe thought, watching Catherine’s opinion of him dip lower than a sinker ball. The disgusted fascination on her face might’ve been funny—if it wasn’t so damned insulting.
That was how shrinks were of course. Arrogant sons of bitches, playing God with people’s lives. He’d wised up to their crap long ago and sworn to handle problems his way. Not that he’d done such a hot job.
Catherine drummed her short nails on the table. “Well? What do you want?”
He narrowed his eyes, his guilt converting into a more tolerable emotion. “I’m thinking.”
Wouldn’t he just love telling her exactly where to put her high-and-mighty bet? Except that her proposition might be the break he needed. His chance to secure Allie’s future. To make amends. He’d be a fool not to explore his options.
But he could sure as hell make the woman squirm first.
“Before we take this any farther, doll, I need you to fill in some gaps for me.” Noting her flinch at the word “doll,” he slouched back and scratched his belly for good measure.
She watched his fingers with a distracted frown. “Gaps?”
“Yeah. Like what you mean by ‘tutoring.’ And what the terms are for winning or losing this bet. Minor stuff like that.” He crossed his arms with a deliberate flex of muscles.
“Oh. Well…” Her gaze lit briefly on his biceps and fluttered away. Then drifted back.
His slouch slowly straightened.
“First I would evaluate your social skills to see which ones need polishing…” Her stare grew languid, sliding as softly as a chamois cloth over his throat. His chest. His abdomen.
Lord have mercy.
“Second I would schedule lessons in those areas where you seem to be lacking—” her gaze moved lower, stopped, and rose swiftly to focus somewhere over his shoulder “—n-not that you are lacking. Anywhere. Th-that is, I’ll have to look harder—I m-mean longer…” A mottled flush crept up her neck. “What I mean is, I’ll have to analyze you further before developing a specific tutorial plan,” she finished primly.
Joe managed a stunned grunt. Vowing to use his little black book soon, he willed the blood back into his brain. “So how long will all this tutoring take?”
Relief flooded her face. “Carl’s parents are hosting an engagement party at the end of June. My father is flying in from London to attend. That gives us a little over four weeks to get you ready.”
“For what?”
“For the party. That’s where Father will meet you.”
“What about your mother?”
Some indefinable emotion flickered in her eyes. “Mother…died when I was very young.” She leaned forward, her manner brisk and professional once more. “You’ll be introduced as a fictional member of a prominent East Coast family. If neither my father nor any of the guests discover your deception by midnight, Carl will concede victory to us.”
Too weird. “How many drinks did you two have before cooking up this bet?”
“One glass of brandy,” she said, taking him literally. “But I assure you we’re both very sober.”
No kidding. They’d turned a lovers’ spat into cold contract negotiations for spouse job descriptions. And maybe that was smart. He sure as hell knew impulse marriages were dumb.
Joe lifted his size-twelve sneaker and pointed the toe this way and that. “Midnight, huh? Think a glass slipper’ll fit?”
Her straight dark brows drew together.
Lowering his foot to the floor, he sighed. “Never mind. If someone finds me out, won’t you and Carl be embarrassed? Won’t your parents be—”
“Cinderella! I get it.” A delighted smile softened and lit her face.
He smothered a wave of uneasiness. She’s a shrink, he reminded himself. She’ll probably never crack another smile the whole four weeks.
Reaching for his beer, Joe realized it was empty and recrossed his arms. “As I was saying, what happens if I’m recognized at this party? Granted, I spent a lot of time in the dugout, but it’s possible a real sports fan would remember me.”
“If you were a polo player maybe. Or even a tennis pro. But this crowd will be too highbrow to follow a sport like baseball.”
He made himself count to five before answering. “Yeah, those Columbia Star Suites in the Astrodome draw a pretty raunchy crowd. CEOs of major corporations, senators, polo players…” Noting her startled expression, he snorted. “We’re not talking mud wrestling, here, Catherine. Baseball is a sport for all fans. Young and old, rich and poor—snobs and just plain folk. Lord have mercy if that ever changes.”
She’d grown paler as he’d talked. “You’re absolutely right. I sounded just like Father. Please accept my apology.”
Joe nodded uncomfortably. He hadn’t meant to get on his soapbox. But she’d insulted baseball, dammit.
“Of course it’s possible someone could recognize you at the party,” she admitted. “Or that you could—that I won’t have done my job properly… Well, you know.”
“I’ll keep my pants on, if that’s what you mean,” he said dryly.
“I don’t anticipate a problem, but if you’re discovered, Carl and I will explain everything to the guests. You won’t be held responsible.”
“How comforting.” Unfolding his arms, Joe examined the fading callus on his glove hand. “Okay, Catherine, I think I have the general picture now. And I figure a month of my time to help you win this bet should be worth…oh, at least five grand.” He looked up. “Not including expenses.”
Her nostrils flared. “Five grand? You must be joking!”
“’Fraid not, doll.”
He thought of the rent due next week, Allie’s softball camp fees, the humiliating thong-bikini-endorsement contract waiting to be signed. His agent had mailed out a slew of his sports-broadcasting demo tapes with no response. Yet a woman reporter in Chicago had salvaged his tape from the reject pile and forwarded it to a swimsuit manufacturer with immediate results.
Catherine twisted toward the bar. Joe followed her gaze, his hackles rising at the sight of Pretty Boy’s smug little smirk. When she turned back around, he steeled himself to hang tough.
“Let’s negotiate,” she said, her features taut.
Billiard balls clacked. A throaty love ballad wound down; a lively two-step started up. Yet Catherine’s gaze never wavered.
Joe was the first to look away. He glared at her nearly full beer, glad he hadn’t paid for it. “I have obligations. You have money. What’s the problem?”
“I told you, I don’t have money. If I did, I would have started my own practice years ago, instead of struggling to pay off student loans. Do you have any idea what research assistants earn?”
He glanced up, moved in spite of himself by the hint of desperation in her eyes. She was either a damn good actress, or honestly couldn’t afford his price.
“If you can’t offer money, Catherine, just how in hell did you expect to sucker someone into going along with your crazy scheme?”
Her gaze faltered, dropping to her tightly clasped hands. “To be honest, I hadn’t thought that far ahead. This whole thing sort of snowballed out of control.” She peeked up through surprisingly long lashes. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m usually very disciplined, very careful to consider all the facts before making a decision.”
“Oh, I believe you.”
Her lashes swept up, exposing her shy pleasure. “You do?”
She’d taken it as a compliment, and suddenly he was glad. All the fun had gone out of playing a goon.
“Sure I do. Everybody breaks loose and acts crazy sometimes. Guess this was your night.” He scooted back his chair and stood. “Now if you’re ready, we’ll chalk this up to a full moon and go about our separate—”
“Wait! We haven’t finished negotiating.”
There was that hint of desperation again. He frowned at her upturned face. “Let it go, Catherine. It’s just a stupid bet.”
“It’s not a stupid bet. Well, it is, but the principle it represents isn’t. Oh, I can’t think with you looming over me like that. Sit down. Please.”
He sat, cursing himself for a fool.
“Look, what you said earlier about Carl coming here specifically to find someone who would ‘flunk’ the bet…well, you were right. He simply can’t imagine anyone without a background and family tree similar to his being able to move comfortably among elite society.” Her expression gentled. “Frankly, Joe, right now you couldn’t.”
He grabbed the neck of her beer bottle, draining half the contents and suppressing his rising belch. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
She choked on a laugh. “I don’t blame you. Elite society is filled with boring people. But there’s no doubt in my mind that with four weeks of tutoring, you can be just as boring.”
“You mean just as good, don’t you?”
The teasing glint in her eyes faded. “No, I don’t. You would simply be proving a point. And you might find that having a little savoir faire—learning a bit about the arts and sophisticated pursuits—will open doors that would otherwise be closed. That could be of real benefit to someone in the job market.”
“I’d benefit from some money, dammit.” Spending four weeks just to get hoity-toity was nuts. It was time to cut his losses and go home. “I sure as hell don’t need savoir faire to work for the refinery.”
“You’re going to work for the refinery?”
“I’ve got a standing job offer.” He’d wear a thong bikini before accepting any position not related to sports, but Catherine didn’t have to know that.
She studied him shrewdly. “I can see that you’d hate working there, but at the same time you’re skeptical about the return on a four-week investment in my plan.”
A chill prickled his arms. Earl was right. She was a damn witch.
“I promise after we win the bet you’ll have employers standing in line to make you an offer—in the field of your choice.”
A damn good witch, Joe amended.
“Did you know that savoir faire means literally ‘to know how’? As Father says—” her expression turned snooty “—it separates those who are cosmopolitan from those who read Cosmopolitan.”
Her father sounded like a prick. “What do you say, Catherine?”
“Me?” She looked startled, as if no one asked her opinion much. “I believe we all have the power to change the circumstances of our birth, to become whatever we choose. Winning this bet will show Father and Carl I’m right.”
Something about her intensity made him think there was more to it than that.
“And it will help you land that job you’re after,” she continued. “Coaching, perhaps? Sports broadcasting?” Her brow arched knowingly. “Ah, sports broadcasting.”
He hastily closed his mouth.
“I was running out of guesses,” she admitted with a chuckle. “Just think. Two candidates. Each knowledgeable about sports. One articulate, polished and experienced on camera. One articulate, polished and an ex-major-league player. Which candidate do you think the station manager knows will attract more viewers?”
She’d made one helluva case, he had to give her that.
A close-the-sale gleam entered her eyes. “I’d say that’s a pretty fair return on four weeks of your time, wouldn’t you?”
Still, a man had to be practical. “It won’t pay my rent next week.”
With a strangled sound of frustration, she yanked the beer bottle from his hand, tipped it to her mouth and threw back her head. Glossy hair slipped away, revealing an arched white throat. Sensual. Feminine. Totally uninhibited.
Joe stared at each rippling gulp and felt his blood head south again. A neck like that rated special attention. Starting at the delicate hollow where her pulse beat, then nibbling up to her smooth jawline—
She clunked the bottle down, snapping Joe out of his fantasy. He scrubbed his face in his palms.
“Did I mention the vacant apartment that comes with my offer?”
His head came up. “It must’ve slipped your mind.”
“It’s a darling little place.”
“I’m all ears.” Hell, he was Dumbo.
“Very cozy. Completely furnished. And it’s free.”
He could fly! “Where’s it located?”
“On the outskirts of Richmond College. Right behind our house, so you could walk up for lessons—”
“Our house?” Everything in him bristled.
“Actually it’s my father’s house, although I don’t see what difference…” She let the sentence trail off and followed the direction of his gaze. “Good heavens, no! I mean, Carl and I don’t…That is, I live with Father. It’s convenient for me to conduct my research where he keeps his private notes.” Her tone could’ve corroded batteries.
What was the story with these three?
She brightened. “He’ll lease the apartment to a student in the fall, but right now it’s just collecting dust.”
His thoughts were already rounding third base. His agent needed a place to park and think for a while. If he sublet his apartment to him for a month, he could tear up that thong-bikini-endorsement contract. And a little polish was exactly what several sports directors had said he lacked.