The Unsung Hero
‘Sarah…I’m sorry but Josh isn’t feeling very well. He says he’s got a headache and he thinks he’s going to be sick.’
‘Oh, no!’ Rick saw the colour drain from Sarah’s face.
‘It could just be too many chocolate éclairs and sunshine but…’
The tiny word hung in the air. It could be an infection of some kind. It could even be a sign of a central nervous system relapse, which would not only take away the status of remission but could escalate the progression of this boy’s disease.
‘I’ll have to get him checked.’ Sarah’s eyes were bright. Too bright. Glittering with unshed tears? ‘Oh, God…We’ve only just got over the last setback. He was so desperate to stay well enough to go to school again.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Ellie was biting her bottom lip. ‘Jet could take you into Emergency.’ She turned. ‘You’ve got a shift starting later tonight, haven’t you?’
‘Yeah.’
‘He knows everyone,’ she said to Sarah. ‘He’ll make sure Josh gets the best of care.’
‘I’ll go too,’ Rick announced.
The others all looked at him in surprise.
‘Jet and I came together,’ he said quickly. ‘In my car. It’s not as if you guys are planning formal speeches or anything, are you?’ He didn’t give Ellie time to respond. ‘Jet can look after Josh and everything that needs to happen. I can look after Sarah.’
It felt good to say that. And he meant every word. Smooth opening lines or first kisses were the last thing on his mind right now. This was about a potentially sick kid and the woman who was, effectively, his mother. There was no hidden agenda or ulterior motive.
The ‘bad boys’ weren’t being disbanded by this marriage, he realised in a moment of sudden clarity. The tribe was simply expanding. Ellie was a part of it and, by association, Sarah came under the same protective umbrella. That was what this was about. Solidarity. A tribe thing.
So why did Sarah and Ellie exchange a glance that made him feel as if he’d stepped into a minefield?
‘I think…’ Ellie spoke after a loaded pause and her voice sounded strange. ‘That might be quite a good idea, don’t you, Sarah?’
Equally strangely, Sarah had closed her eyes as though offering up a silent prayer. She opened them slowly, stared at Ellie for a second and then turned her head towards Rick.
The gaze was so intense it rang alarm bells that were positively deafening. What the hell was going on here?
‘Yes.’ Sarah sounded perfectly calm, which was weird in itself. ‘It is a good idea. Can we go now, please?’
Josh had been diagnosed with leukaemia here at Queen Mary’s and it became rapidly obvious that he was a favourite patient amongst the paediatric oncology staff that got summoned to the emergency department. One of the registrars even called his consultant, Mike Randall, who said he would be coming in to see what was happening.
A lot was happening. Numerous blood tests and a chest X-ray. An exhaustive physical examination, abdominal ultrasound and a lumbar puncture. Jet changed into scrubs and simply went on shift early but Rick was left with little to do but be there and observe, feeling somewhat ridiculous in his dinner suit and the bow-tie, which had come undone but he wasn’t about to bother retying it.
Sarah would have probably felt absurdly overdressed, too, in that long frock and with the flowers still in her hair but it didn’t seem to occur to her. As pale as her nephew, she was there by his side for every moment. Holding his hand for the blood tests and curled protectively close to his head throughout the lumbar puncture procedure. Rustling in her long dress as she walked beside his bed when it was rolled to a different area. She said little but seemed grateful to have Jet and Rick there to smooth the admission process and the transition of care to the oncology department.
Josh was just as stoical as Sarah. The hospital environment and these frightening and painful procedures were a part of life for both of them now and they were in it together. With every passing minute, Rick became more aware of the striking bond between these two. Of their courage. Josh didn’t cry, even once, and Rick was left convinced that Sarah was a vital component of any treatment for this child. The gentle way she touched him, almost constantly, and the way she held direct eye contact throughout the worst moments, infusing him with both strength and comfort, touched something very deep in Rick.
All his younger patients had families that loved them and would do anything they could to help but he’d never witnessed a bond quite like this. They were both special but Sarah…she was astonishing.
By the time the consultant, Mike, arrived, the early testing was complete and Josh had been moved to a private room in the children’s ward. Surprisingly, Max turned up at the same time.
‘What are you doing here, man?’ Rick asked. ‘It’s your wedding night! ‘
‘Ellie sent me in with some clothes for Sarah and to find out what’s happening. How’s Josh?’
‘I think we’re about to find out.’ Rick tilted his head to where Mike was gripping Sarah’s hand.
‘I hoped it would be an outpatient appointment when we got to see you again,’ the older doctor was saying. ‘You’ve only just come down from Auckland, haven’t you?’
‘Yesterday,’ Sarah confirmed wryly.
They both looked at the still figure of the sleeping child on the bed beside them. He had a pulse oximeter on a finger and an IV line snaking up from a heavily bandaged elbow to the stand supporting bags of medicated fluids.
‘Let’s step outside for a minute so we don’t wake him up,’ Mike suggested. ‘He’ll be worn out by now, I suspect.’
He raised his eyebrows as they reached the two men standing by the door. ‘Rick…this is a bit out of your field, isn’t it? And, Max…didn’t I hear you were getting married today?’
‘I did. Sarah was our bridesmaid and Josh was the pageboy.’
‘Ahh…’ Mike’s smile was warm. ‘And there I was thinking you’d all dressed up on my account.’
He pulled the door almost closed behind him and they drifted closer to the window where they could still see Josh. The ward was quiet ant the corridor dimly lit, with evening visiting hours well over. A baby began crying somewhere and a child’s voice called out for her mother. It was a subdued and slightly miserable background.
Mike spoke softly. ‘We still haven’t got all the results back yet, of course. And I’ve scheduled a bone-marrow biopsy and MRI scan for tomorrow morning.’
Sarah made a low sound of distress that cut Rick like a sharp blade. Mike’s face creased in sympathy.
‘I know. I’m sorry. The good news is that his fever’s dropped and his lungs are clear. There’s no significant change in the size of his liver or spleen and his kidney function’s looking good. Even better, this doesn’t look like CNS involvement. I think the symptoms are probably due to a virus and we’ve got treatment under way to deal with it. Antivirals and antibiotics to cover all the bases.’
‘He was going to try and go back to school this week. Said he’d wear a mask even if it made him look like a freak.’
Mike shook his head, dismissing the possibility. ‘We’ll have him in here for a bit. I want to make sure he’s still in remission. If not, we’re going to have to get back into a pretty aggressive chemotherapy programme.’
Sarah closed her eyes and Rick could sense her struggle in trying to find the strength to face what was coming. He felt helpless.
‘What about HSCT?’ he asked Mike. ‘That’s going to be the best option, isn’t it?’
Mike’s expression was grim. ‘No siblings, unfortunately. Sarah’s the only family and she’s nowhere near a match. Nothing’s come up on the bone-marrow register and she hasn’t been able to trace Josh’s father.’ He turned to Sarah. ‘You didn’t get any further in your hunt in Auckland, did you?’
Her eyes were open now. She was staring at Rick but her gaze flicked back to Mike.
‘Actually, I think I did. Quite by chance and only because of Josh being admitted for the chest infection. One of the nurses in the ward had been working there for ages and she seemed to know everybody.’
‘And?’ There was an undercurrent of excitement in Mike’s tone.
‘I’ve got a possibility to chase up. I…I’m just not sure how co-operative he might be.’
‘You think he’d refuse to help?’ Rick could hear more than a hint of outrage in his own voice.
‘He might. He doesn’t even know he’s got a son yet.’
Rick gave a dismissive snort. ‘Tough. It’s not as if he’s had to take any responsibility so far, is it?’
‘No.’
Sarah’s agreement was cautious. She was giving him an odd look, as though wondering why he was pushing this, but there was an element of something like hope in her face and that made Rick feel good. Very good. He was helping here.
‘But that’s not exactly his fault,’ she added. ‘He didn’t know. I don’t think Josh’s mother even knew.’
‘Doesn’t matter.’ Rick was confident now. He ignored the way Max was staring at him as though he was about to step off a cliff or something. He could support Sarah in this quest. Help her. Maybe help Josh as well. ‘If he’s a decent human being,’ he said firmly, ‘then getting tested is the least he can do.’
Sarah looked away from him to Max who gave her a slow nod of encouragement. She looked back at Rick.
‘I hope you meant that,’ she said softly. ‘How soon do you think you could arrange to have the test?’
CHAPTER TWO
‘What?’
He was looking at her as if she was some kind of alien species, clearly unable to make any sense of her request. Sarah glanced at Max but he was watching his friend and had an expression of sympathy that made her heart sink. He knew how hard it would be for Rick to accept the idea he could be Josh’s father. And maybe he wasn’t. Maybe she was making life difficult for all sorts of people unnecessarily but she had no choice, did she?
This was about Josh.
Mike Randall was frowning. ‘I’m confused,’ he confessed. ‘What’s Rick got to do with this, Sarah?’
‘Absolutely nothing.’ Rick held up his hands in an eloquent gesture of denial. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Sarah. I’ve got no idea where this is coming from but you couldn’t be more wrong.’
Sarah swallowed hard. She directed her next words at Mike rather than Rick. ‘I was chasing someone I thought was called Richard. Known as Rick. I couldn’t find any Richard. Then someone suggested that Rick could be short for Eric and…bingo.’
She heard an angry huff of sound from Rick. He turned, walked a couple of jerky steps, shoving his sleeves clear of his wrists as though preparing to do battle. Then he swung back to face them all, shaking his head incredulously.
‘I mean, I know I haven’t exactly been a monk but…for God’s sake, I wasn’t even in the country at the time Josh would have been conceived…what, eight or nine years ago? I was in Sydney on a postgraduate surgical course for two years. Wasn’t I, Max?’
‘Ah…Yes, but—’
‘There isn’t a “but”.’ Rick was staring at Max with lines of bewilderment creasing his face now. He was being attacked here. Where was the back-up he clearly expected? Max looked as though he was in physical pain. He wanted, more than anything, to be able to provide the support his friend desperately wanted but he couldn’t do it because he knew something Rick didn’t.
Sarah waited, knowing that Rick would turn back to her eventually. She was the one initiating this attack, wasn’t she? So she watched him, seeing the way he straightened his spine and the way his hands curled into fists of frustration. It was the bewilderment that really got to her, though. A window of vulnerability in a man who might otherwise seem invincible. Big. Strong. Clever. Impossibly gorgeous right now with the sleeves of that dinner jacket shoved onto his forearms and the top button of his shirt undone with the ends of that black tie hanging on each side.
Sure enough, he turned to make eye contact with her and it was like a physical blow. As though she had betrayed him.
She had to swallow hard. ‘How old do you think Josh is, Rick?’
‘Seven,’ he said promptly, dredging up another fragment of a conversation in past weeks. ‘Or maybe eight.’ He flicked a challenging glance at Max.
‘That’s what I thought,’ Max said apologetically. ‘But it was a guess, Rick. I—’
‘I know he’s small for his age,’ Sarah interrupted, trying to let Max off the hook. ‘But he’s nine. Coming up to nine and a half. He was conceived in Auckland a bit over ten years ago.’
Rick was still glaring at Max. ‘You knew about this, didn’t you?’
‘Only since last night.’ Max sighed heavily. ‘It’s not as if I’ve had a chance to talk to you. Sarah promised not to say anything until after the wedding. I was going to warn you, mate.’
Sarah caught Mike’s glance. Friction on a personal level between these two men wasn’t going to be helpful. He raised his eyebrows and Sarah nodded.
‘I went to the States,’ she said, ‘to find the man who was on Josh’s birth certificate. The man my sister genuinely thought was Josh’s father as far as I could tell. He thought he might be, too and actually got excited by the idea. He couldn’t wait to do the DNA test and he was gutted when it turned out that Josh couldn’t possibly be his son.’
Rick snorted. ‘You’ll get the same result from me,’ he said coldly. ‘Except I won’t be pretending I’m gutted.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re wasting your time.
And mine.’
Sarah was finding it hard to stay calm. He was simply going to refuse to accept the possibility, wasn’t he? This might turn into a dead end that could haunt her for ever.
‘My sister’s name was Lucy,’ she said with a tiny wobble in her voice. ‘She was two years older than me and we looked very alike.’
He couldn’t deny he found her attractive, surely? His interest had been flashing like a neon sign from the first moment he’d laid eyes on her. The kind of physical attributes people found attractive in the opposite sex didn’t change that much. She had always been drawn to tall, dark men. Like Rick.
She sighed again, inwardly this time, at the regret that tugged deep inside. In another lifetime she might have been having a very different kind of conversation with Rick Wilson.
‘Lucy Prescott?’ she prompted. ‘Ring any bells?’
‘No.’ The word was a growl.
‘The man who wasn’t Josh’s father remembered her. It had only been a brief affair but he’d been in love with her. He’d said he’d known he was failing to measure up to the previous man in her life. Only a one-night stand, Lucy had said, and it was never going to go anywhere, but it was all too obvious that she would have preferred it to.’
And Sarah could understand why now. She could also begin to understand why her sister had always kept it a secret. A private fantasy that might have been discredited by sharing it with anyone, even her sister. Rick was one of a kind and he would have been completely out of her league back then when Lucy had been just a shy, country girl starting out on her nursing training.
‘He went to the States a month or so later,’ she finished. ‘He never knew Lucy was pregnant. She refused to tell him. Or say who the father was. I only found that out when I requested Josh’s birth certificate after he got sick.’
Silence fell as she finished speaking. Through the crack in the nearby door came a soft whimper.
Sarah tensed and then breathed out with a sigh of resignation. She had to go back to Josh, to be there when he woke up, but it wasn’t as if there wasn’t any point in saying anything more right now. She had dropped the bombshell. The best thing she could do was give Rick the space to get his head around it.
It was hard not to add a plea of some kind before she turned away. Especially seeing as Rick was giving her his undivided attention. Or maybe he was hoping he could make her go ‘poof’ and disappear from his life by sheer willpower. She held his gaze for a long second.
Please, she begged silently. Just…please.
Mike followed Sarah back into the room to check on his young patient and Rick was left in the corridor with just Max for company.
He turned on his heel and began to walk away.
‘Hey…’ Max sounded alarmed. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To find someone to talk to,’ Rick snapped. ‘A mate who might genuinely be in my corner.’
‘I’m in your corner.’ Max caught up with him well before he reached the elevators.
That hadn’t been the impression he’d just got. Rick didn’t pause to push the button or wait for a lift. He didn’t want to give Max the chance to say anything else. Shoving the fire-escape door open, he took to the stairs, ignoring the sound of the footsteps following him. He didn’t even look over his shoulder as he barged into the emergency department.
Jet was listening to a patient’s chest in a cubicle near the internal doors. He glanced up, took in the expression on Rick’s face and smoothly unhooked the earpieces to hang the stethoscope around his neck.
‘You’re quite right,’ he said to the registrar beside him. ‘Order a chest X-ray and start some diuretics. I’ll be in the office for a few minutes. Page me if I’m needed.’ With a commanding jerk of his head, he led both Rick and Max into one of the consultants’ offices.
‘What the hell’s the matter with you two?’
‘Why don’t you ask him?’ Rick growled. He glared at Max.
Jet hooked one leg up to perch on the edge of the desk. He studied Rick for a moment and then turned his attention to Max. And then, surprisingly, he grinned.
‘Takes me right back, this does. Remember when the headmaster caught you two fighting on the dorm floor? You got detention for a month and had to pick up rubbish on the rugby grounds. Matt and I used to fall over ourselves laughing, watching you with your spiky sticks and bags.’
His smile faded, his gaze settling on Max. ‘What? What did I say?’
Max sighed. ‘This has kind of got something to do with Matt, that’s all.’
‘For God’s sake,’ Rick exploded. ‘How can you say that? It’s got nothing to do with Matt.’
‘Of course it has. And if you calmed down and tried using your brain for half a minute, you’d see why. Think about it.’
‘What does he need to think about?’ Jet’s tone was wary.
‘Matt,’ Max said heavily. ‘What life was like for us all when he died.’
Rick looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t realise how hard his fists were clenched until the ache reached his elbows.
Unbearable, that’s what it had been like. Matt had been the final member of their group. The youngest by a few months and a bit smaller but he’d made up for his lack of height with an extra dose of daring and humour and intelligence. Life had been the ultimate adventure for Matt but he had died, tragically, when a brain aneurysm had not been diagnosed in time to save him, despite the warning symptoms. They had all been newly qualified doctors at the time. The remaining three, aching with such a loss, had all blamed themselves in some way for his death.
‘You hit the books, I seem to remember,’ Jet said slowly. ‘We hardly saw you.’
‘And you burned off your grief getting your black belt in that martial arts thing.’ Max nodded. ‘And Rick? Do you remember what he did?’
‘Drank a lot,’ Jet said promptly. ‘And partied like there was no tomorrow.’
‘Exactly.’
The satisfied note in Max’s voice was more than irritating.
‘There’s no “exactly” about it,’ Rick informed them. ‘I’m careful. Even if I’m drunk I’m careful.’
‘Can you honestly put your hand on your heart and swear there might not have been an occasion then when you found you didn’t have anything on hand or were just too blasé to care?’
Rick said nothing. The truth was that that period of time was pretty much a blur now. He’d been trying to forget and it had been a successful mission. He closed his eyes slowly.
Too many parties. Too much alcohol. Way too many girls and most of them had been blue-eyed blondes. Max had married a woman with chestnut hair. Jet thought the darker the better but Rick had always gone for blondes. That particular period wasn’t an indication of how he usually treated women, however, and even now he could feel shame at the way he’d used those girls.
One-night stands had been all that he could do. He’d had enough emotional rubbish to deal with without inviting any more into his life. All he’d wanted had been the temporary release that sex could provide and if it wasn’t enough for the partner, she’d got brushed aside. Names? As much of a blur as the faces. Pick a girl’s name, he thought wearily. Any name could be a contender. Annabelle or Casey or Lisa or…or Lucy. Yes. If Sarah’s sister had been at one of those parties and had been willing, he would have taken advantage of her.
Of course he couldn’t swear to anything and his friends knew it. Maybe talking about this wasn’t such a good idea. It certainly wasn’t helping. Any second now and Jet was going to be taking the side Max was on. The dark side. Rick needed to be alone. A stiff drink or two and some peace and quiet and maybe he could parcel up this feeling of dread and make it go away somehow.
‘Condoms aren’t a magic bullet, anyway,’ Max continued. ‘You know that. They can fail. Or break. How many times have we congratulated ourselves on our hassle-free record? Or so we thought.’
Jet whistled silently. ‘Oh, man…Is this going where I think it’s going?’
Max didn’t seem to have heard him. He was still talking directly to Rick. ‘Lucy looked just like her sister. Maybe your memory of ten-plus years ago is understandably hazy but what about a few hours ago? Your tongue was practically hanging out of your mouth the instant you clapped eyes on Sarah.’
‘Sarah?’ Jet was sitting very still now. Making sense of what was happening around him.
‘Lucy was Sarah’s sister,’ Max said more quietly. ‘Josh’s mother.’
‘Holy cow! And she thinks Rick’s the father?’
‘He could be,’ Max agreed.
‘She’s wrong,’ Rick said at the same time.
‘How do you know?’ Jet asked Rick.
‘I just do.’ Rick knew his tone was desperate. He didn’t know, did he? He just couldn’t begin to imagine the repercussions if she was right. To be presented with a nine-year-old kid? A sick kid? To know that the boy had been in the world for so long and he hadn’t even known he’d existed? No. There was no way to get his head around this.
Max and Jet exchanged a glance.
‘The solution’s simple,’ Jet said. ‘Three letters, mate. DNA.’
Max stepped towards Rick and gripped his upper arm. ‘He’s right. The possibility is there and a kid’s life might depend on it. If nothing else, you can set the record straight and Sarah can keep hunting.’
Yes. There was definitely a possibility there. One that might let him off the hook completely.
‘Fine. I’ll do the damn test.’
The thought that it might exonerate him kept him going until he reached home. The long hours of a solitary, sleepless night, however, put a far more negative spin on the plan.
Maybe fate had it in for him. Perhaps this was his punishment for that wild, irresponsible few months until he’d got both his head and his act back together. And what a punishment it would be. The effect it could have on his life was potentially catastrophic. Having a child could have a major impact on career choices, finances, relationships…
Being a father.
Oh, man…that was a minefield and a half. He couldn’t do it. He had no idea of how a father should behave. He only had to think of his own father to know how they shouldn’t behave but that was no help. His mates wouldn’t be able to help either, would they? They’d all had way less than perfect family lives, which was why they’d all been sent off to boarding school and ended up forging their bond. The kind of family that meant something.
Max would think he’d know but he was getting in on the ground floor with Mattie, wasn’t he? He hadn’t been presented with a child who was old enough to judge performance and find it lacking. Old enough to get hurt, dammit.