Uncertain Destiny
She pulled out of his arms. ‘I was also destined to meet Tony,’ she reminded him firmly. ‘And I’m going to marry him.’ She dared Justin to deny that.
He didn’t. ‘I’ll take you back to him,’ he drawled pleasantly, his hand light on her elbow.
Caroline trusted this calm friendliness even less than she did his blunt announcement that they were going to have an affair, eyeing him warily as they rejoined Tony and Paula, the brother and sister standing together in stony silence.
‘You were gone long enough,’ Tony snapped with uncharacteristic bad humour. ‘I was almost desperate enough to ask Paula to dance!’
His sister gave him a disparaging look. ‘Don’t delude yourself into thinking I would have accepted,’ she scorned.
Hazel eyes flashed. ‘I suppose you intend leaving now that you’ve done your duty by the parents?’ he accused angrily.
Paula flushed guiltily. ‘Justin and I have somewhere else to go,’ she defended.
‘I’m sure you do,’ Tony acknowledged disgustedly.
It was obvious that Paula’s intention of leaving only twenty minutes after her arrival was the reason she and Tony had been arguing all the time she and Justin were dancing. Caroline suddenly found, to her dismay, that she was as disgusted as Tony at the thought of the other couple leaving so that they could make love—but for completely different reasons.
She looked up at Justin uncertainly as he squeezed her arm reassuringly.
‘Caro.’
It was the softest of murmurs, barely perceptible as he spoke close to her ear so that the other couple shouldn’t hear him, and yet it was enough to reassure her that he didn’t intend making love to Paula tonight, that it was her he wanted.
It was ridiculous to be pleased by the realisation, disloyal when she intended marrying Tony if he should ask her. But for that heart-stopping moment she wanted to be the one to leave with Justin, wanted to hear him murmur that shortened version of her name, that no one else had ever used before, over and over again as he made love to her.
‘Why don’t you stay on at the party, Paula?’ Justin suggested briskly. ‘I really do have to leave now.’
Paula looked alarmed as it seemed he would slip away from her. ‘Oh, but——’
‘I did warn you I didn’t really have the time for a party tonight,’ he cut in in a voice that brooked no further protest to his decision to leave, alone. ‘I’ll see you on Monday. Tony,’ he nodded abruptly to the other man. ‘Caroline,’ he added lingeringly, his gaze holding her captive before he turned and strode purposefully across the room.
‘Damn, damn, damn!’ Paula muttered furiously as Justin left without a backwards glance.
‘You caught yourself the wrong one this time, sister dear,’ Tony taunted.
Paula answered as heatedly as Tony had known she would, but Caroline wasn’t listening to their conversation, still staring across the room to where Justin had left seconds earlier. He hadn’t said anything about seeing her again but she knew that he was arrogant enough to try to contact her again, that he hadn’t given up.
The rest of the evening was an anti-climax for Caroline, who barely noticed that Tony and Paula seemed to argue most of the time. Considering they were two mature people, Tony thirty to Paula’s thirty-five, both in exacting professions, Tony a doctor while Paula was a very competent lawyer, the two of them seemed to revert to the nursery whenever they were together like this!
Caroline felt completely drained by the time the party drew to a close, finding it extremely difficult to behave as if that disturbing conversation with Justin de Wolfe had never taken place, and finding it even more difficult to behave as if nothing had changed between herself and Tony.
But it had changed; nothing was the same, not even her response to his goodnight kisses once they reached her flat.
‘You’re tired.’ Tony finally drew back at her lack of enthusiasm for his caresses. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow after work.’
Of course she was tired; it had been a long and traumatic day on the ward. Everything would look different after a good night’s sleep. Most of all that conversation with Justin de Wolfe. She firmly put from her mind the fact that tiredness had never made her unresponsive towards Tony before.
But once she was in bed the memory of Justin de Wolfe and his outrageous suggestion that they had an affair wouldn’t be put from her mind any longer. He was such a fascinating man, his elusiveness where women were concerned making him more so, she admitted that. And he wanted her. He hadn’t said that he loved her, or that he even liked her, but he did want her.
And she didn’t for one moment believe his calm acceptance of her refusal to see him again was the end of it, also knew that a little thing like not knowing her address wouldn’t stop a man like him if he were really determined to see her again. And he had seemed very determined.
She—–
‘Caroline.’
She turned to the doorway, her eyes wide, shaking slightly as she saw from the cold expression on Justin’s face that he was still filled with that implacable anger.
His expression darkened as she eyed him apprehensively. ‘You’re tired, and it’s late,’ he bit out, striding purposefully across the room, standing so close to her chair that the heat of his body reached out and touched her. ‘It’s time we were both in bed.’
‘But the things you said,’ she reminded in a pained voice. ‘The baby—–’
‘I don’t think anything can be gained by discussing that any more tonight.’ His gaze was cold, his mouth a taut line as he pulled her effortlessly to her feet.
‘But’
‘Let’s go to bed, Caroline,’ he prompted impatiently. ‘Perhaps things will look—different, in the morning,’ he added in a hard voice.
If they went to bed together tonight, would he want to make love to her? He was furious at the idea of the child she carried, but the flame she could see in the depths of his gaze told her it hadn’t changed his desire for her.
But nothing would have changed in the morning; she would still be pregnant and, from the hardness of his expression, Justin would still be denying the child was his.
She shook her head, several tendrils of fiery hair escaping the loose upsweep on to the crown of her head. ‘The baby isn’t going to disappear overnight,’ she told him.
‘Are you refusing to share a bed with me, Caroline?’ He spoke softly.
She never had, not from the beginning, unable to fight the truth of his claim at their first meeting. They always wanted each other to the point of desperation; just a look from her or the murmur of her name from Justin and the two of them would be making love. It had been that way since she first went out with him.
But they couldn’t make love tonight, not with the baby’s existence standing so solidly between them. She would never be able to forget that Justin had accused her of carrying Tony’s child; not even the mindless pleasure she could always find in Justin’s arms could make her forget that.
She heaved a ragged sigh. ‘I have to, Justin,’ she told him emotionally. ‘We have to settle the matter of the baby before I—–’
He stiffened, and suddenly Caroline had a feeling much like a person in a courtroom must do just before Justin began to cross-examine them.
‘The matter is settled, Caroline,’ he bit out. ‘The child inside you is not mine. It is a medical impossibility for it to be so.’
‘But—–’
‘Medically impossible, Caroline,’ he repeated harshly.
‘Doctors make mistakes—–’
‘Not this time.’ His voice was a cold rasp.
‘But they have to have done,’ she insisted desperately. ‘I was a virgin that first night we were together, you know that!’ She looked up at him appealingly.
He gave an acknowledging inclination of his head. ‘But you did insist on seeing Tony—alone—after that, to explain that you intended marrying me,’ he reminded her calmly.
Caroline felt the colour leave her cheeks, staring at him as if she couldn’t believe what he was suggesting. ‘Justin, you can’t think, believe—–’
‘What other explanation can there be for your pregnancy?’ He shrugged dismissively.
‘You prefer to believe I went to bed with Tony just before we were married rather than that the doctor who told you you’re sterile made a mistake?’ she gasped in a pained voice.
His gaze was narrowed. ‘Yes.’
She sat down suddenly. ‘Then you’re right, discussing this any further wouldn’t help at all,’ she said dully, blinking back the tears.
He nodded abruptly. ‘I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom tonight,’ he told her harshly. ‘We’ll have to decide tomorrow what’s to be done about the baby.’
That roused her from the sea of pain she had been drowning in. ‘What’s to be done?’ she repeated slowly, reluctantly, watching him warily.
‘I don’t want children, Caroline,’ he stated abruptly. ‘I never have.’
What did that mean? That he wanted her to leave and take the baby with her, or that he just didn’t want the baby?
CHAPTER TWO
CAROLINE awoke with a groan, pushing the hair out of her face as she rolled over to look at the bedside clock. Nine-thirty; Justin would already have left for the day.
She sat up in the bed, staring down at her still-flat stomach, already feeling an affinity with the child that nestled inside her.
How could Justin deny that child, refuse to even acknowledge its existence other than as an unwelcome intrusion into their marriage?
When she had pressed him last night to explain exactly what he meant by his remark about ‘not wanting children’, he had told her he thought it would be better if they slept on it and came to a decision in the morning. She hadn’t wanted to wait until then, had demanded he answer her. He had completely withdrawn from her then, leaving her standing beside the table that was still set for their celebration, and when she had desperately followed him up the stairs it was to find the spare bedroom door locked against her.
He couldn’t mean for her to choose between him or their baby, could he? Even if he didn’t believe it was his child, he couldn’t really expect her to—no! She wouldn’t even acknowledge him demanding that possibility. To her it wasn’t a possibility.
She had to persuade him to see another doctor, knowing beyond a shadow of doubt that the child she carried was Justin’s. There had been no one else for her, not before or since him. How could there have been, when he fulfilled her completely, possessed her like a drug that made her body feverish and her senses so attuned to him that the mere sight of him drove her wild with need?
Their first night together, here in this very house, she had submitted herself to a far greater power than any she possessed, had known herself lost from Justin’s first caress …
Even Caroline hadn’t been prepared for his call the night they met. She was on the point of going to bed shortly after Tony had left when the telephone began to ring. Envisaging another unexpected night on duty when one of the night-staff had let them down, she picked the receiver up with a groan.
‘So you and Shepherd don’t sleep together,’ came the husky greeting.
Caroline stiffened, instantly alert, moistening suddenly dry lips. ‘Justin?’ she said uncertainly.
‘Unless some other man questioned you tonight about your relationship with Shepherd,’ he acknowledged drily.
She gave an irritated frown; she had expected to hear from him, but this! ‘I don’t know anyone else that arrogant,’ she admitted abruptly, somehow knowing that amusement had darkened his gaze. ‘How did you get my number?’ she prompted waspishly.
‘I telephoned Paula first and asked her,’ he revealed calmly.
‘You—–’ She gasped, closing her eyes as she imagined what the other woman had made of that, the answer not a pleasant one.
‘Would you like to add “bastard” after the “arrogant"?’ he mused.
‘Yes!’ she snapped. ‘And how do you know Tony isn’t waiting in the bedroom for me right now?’ she demanded angrily.
‘Paula was only too eager to tell me that you and her brother don’t sleep together,’ Justin mocked. ‘I believe she imagined it would deter my interest.’
Caroline gripped the receiver tightly, ashamed of how much she hoped that hadn’t happened. ‘And did it?’ She waited breathlessly for his answer.
‘Not in the least,’ he answered confidently. ‘I like a woman who can be a little choosy about who she goes to bed with.’
Did he also like a woman who hadn’t been to bed with anyone? she wondered a little dazedly. Really, the man had no scruples at all, telephoning her in this way!
‘How do you know that choice will include you?’ she snapped, annoyed at the awkward situation he had put her in with Tony and his sister.
‘Are you saying it doesn’t?’ His voice had gone huskily soft.
She didn’t even know why she was having this conversation with him! He wasn’t her type at all, was too worldly, too sophisticated, too experienced when it came to women. He had known exactly how to pique her interest tonight, to keep her dangling there until he decided to draw her into his web of sensuality.
‘Caro?’ he prompted gruffly.
Oh, God, just the sound of her name on his lips caused a shiver of awareness down her spine!
‘All right,’ he chuckled softly at her dazed silence. ‘I don’t find making love over the telephone very satisfying either. Dinner tomorrow?’
By tacit agreement she and Tony hadn’t seen anyone but each other the last eight months, and no words of a permanent relationship had been mentioned between them, yet she knew it was an accepted thing between them.
She wasn’t about to jeopardise her relationship with Tony just because of a mad attraction for Justin de Wolfe!
‘I’ll only keep asking, Caroline.’ Justin seemed to realise she was about to say no; his voice was hard. ‘And if Tony told you anything about me at all you have to know I never give up when I want something as badly as I seem to want you.’
Tony hadn’t exactly said that, but he had told her this man never lost, which amounted to the same thing!
‘Look, Caroline, if my honesty in admitting I want to make love to you is too much for you to accept, then I’m sorry,’ he said impatiently at her continued silence. ‘But I stopped going out on platonic dates years ago. And if you think I make a habit of picking up women at parties you would be wrong about that, too,’ he added in a hard voice. ‘My libido is as strong as any other man’s,’ he admitted derisively, ‘but I rarely have the time to indulge it. Now will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?’
She had a feeling that when this man did rouse himself enough to show a preference for a particular woman he never received a lukewarm response, let alone faced the possibility of being turned down. As he was about to be!
‘I’m busy tomorrow night,’ she told him dismissively.
‘Caro—–’
‘I said no, Mr de Wolfe,’ she refused firmly as the silky caress of his voice threatened to once again seduce her.
‘I meant it when I said I would keep asking, Caroline,’ he warned grimly. ‘I can’t take no for an answer from you.’
Her hand shook as she slowly replaced the receiver, half expecting him to ring straight back, but realising when he didn’t do so that he was wise enough to know that would just make her even angrier.
When she met Tony the next night she knew Paula had lost no time in telling her brother of Justin’s interest. It didn’t seem to matter to Tony that she had refused to see the other man. He was furious that Justin de Wolfe had asked her out at all, seemed to think she must have encouraged the other man in some way—Justin de Wolfe, reputedly not a man to exert himself for any woman.
But he seemed determined to do so for her, turning up at the most unexpected times during the next three weeks, meeting her as she came off duty, calling around at the flat, and always with the purpose of repeating his dinner invitation.
Much as she hated to admit it, this show of attention from a man who rarely bothered with women at all began to affect her, and in a strange way she began to look forward to seeing him, the sexual tension between them building each time she did so. Ultimately it affected her relationship with Tony; she was no longer at ease in his company as he seemed to regard her suspiciously. Finally he lost his temper completely and told her he thought they should stop seeing each other, that she should go out with Justin de Wolfe and see how fascinating she found him when he left her after a few dates!
She hadn’t thought Tony could mean what he had said, expecting him to come round and apologise, but after three days of waiting she realised he had meant every word. Her hurt turned to anger, and the next time Justin asked her out she accepted.
When she opened the door to him at seven-thirty that evening she knew she had made a mistake. Tonight even the veneer of civilisation had been stripped from him, the black evening suit and snowy white shirt doing nothing to disguise his primitive savagery. Any idea she might have had about just being another conquest to him was wiped out as she met the blazing desire in his gaze; Justin was a man who usually held himself in cool control, and he no more welcomed this feeling of helplessness to desire than she did. He just knew it was useless to fight the inevitable.
Being taken into his arms was inevitable, too. Her throat arched as Justin’s mouth came down firmly on hers, both of them exploding with a need that had barely been held in check since the moment their gazes first met.
She could taste him, feel him along every nerve-ending in her body, knew that Justin’s veneer of sophistication had slipped because he was just as unnerved by this desire.
He kissed her deeply, hotly, his hands moving over her body with fevered insistence, cupping one pert breast to caress the pulsing nub with fiery rhythm.
Her hands were tangled in the dark thickness of his hair as she clung to him, her body on fire, knowing that if he hadn’t held her so tightly she would have fallen to the carpeted floor.
Finally he drew back with a ragged sigh, resting his forehead on hers. ‘Hello,’ he greeted her belatedly.
She gave a shaky laugh, her hands still clinging to his broad shoulders. ‘I dread to think what you could do with “Hello, darling"!’
He shook his head to clear it of the sexual haze. ‘I have no doubt we’ll find out,’ he said gruffly. ‘Are you ready to go?’
The question held much more than its surface significance, at least, for her, but one look into his arrogantly assured face when he arrived and she had known she was more than ready, that she had probably been waiting for tonight all her life. Her relief that she had waited, and not fallen into that trap a lot of her friends had by sleeping with men they were merely fond of, was immense. She knew with certainty that somehow during the last three weeks—probably instantly she saw him—she had fallen in love with this enigmatic man, that she had been fighting a losing battle.
‘I’m ready,’ she nodded, smiling shyly, knowing her mouth had to be bare of lipgloss by now, and not really caring. Justin was looking at her as if he would like to eat her, and her mouth felt swollen and red enough without the aid of artifice.
Later they were alone in his apartment, although Caroline doubted he had actually cooked the delicious meal they served up together. No doubt he had someone that came in to cook and clean for him, her presence unobtrusive in the extreme; Justin didn’t give the impression of a man who hurried home at the end of the day to spend time cooking.
The food was deliciously prepared and cooked, smelt wonderful, too, and yet neither of them did justice to it. Caroline couldn’t keep her eyes off Justin for more than a few seconds at a time, her anticipation high, and he seemed to be lost in brooding silence as he absently pushed the food around on his plate.
‘I can’t wait any longer!’ He suddenly threw his fork down, pushing his plate away to stand up. ‘Caro, I need to make love to you. Very badly.’
She could see just how badly by the fevered glitter of his gaze, his hands clenched at his sides. And if she were honest—and that seemed to be what Justin demanded of her—she couldn’t wait any longer, either.
She stood up, too, her legs a little shaky, and then they were in each others arms, and it was just as if there had been no break from their earlier impassioned kisses, Justin’s mouth wide and moist against hers, his tongue moving into her fiercely at the same time as he pulled her thighs high against him.
He was hard and pulsating against her, groaning low in his throat at the satiny feel of her thighs, his kisses becoming even fiercer, devouring, filled with hunger as he began to pull off her clothes.
Caroline felt a shiver as the cool air caressed her body as her gown fell at her feet, the feel of Justin’s dinner jacket abrasive against her naked breasts, rubbing against the tips, filling her lower body with a warm ache that flamed moistly as Justin touched her there.
He suckled on her breast, drawing it hungrily into his mouth, the pleasure-pain causing her to whimper low in her throat, breathing shakily, her back arched as she pushed herself against him.
He drew just as fiercely on the other nipple while his hand cupped and caressed the breast he had abandoned, holding her up against him as if she weighed nothing at all.
She couldn’t stand it any more, needing more, needing it all, pushing frantically at his jacket, their mouths fused together as Justin helped her with the removal of his clothes, sinking down on to the floor with her, lying between her parted thighs as he moved restlessly against her.
She cradled either side of his face as their kisses went on and on, moist and hungry, fevered, Caroline arching against him as he continued to caress her aching breasts.
His legs felt abrasive against her as he moved above her, increasing her passion, the ache between her thighs becoming almost a pain.
And then he came into her, slowly, not forcefully, easing her sudden tension, gently penetrating the barrier that parted and finally moved aside altogether. There should have been pain, but there wasn’t, only an unfamiliar feeling of fullness, a slight discomfort that made her muscles contract at the intrusion.
And then Justin began to move within her, gently stroking her, the heat instantly returning, consuming, until her breath was coming in strangled gasps, her head thrashing from side to side as she knew she was about to shatter, to be devoured by the burning ache that filled her whole body now.
Suddenly her back arched, her thighs thrust fiercely against Justin, her eyes wide with wonder on Justin’s face as the pleasure exploded, imploding in a million different places in her body.
Justin continued to thrust against her, and as one wave of pleasure ended another began, until she felt it would never stop, awestruck as she watched the savage beauty of Justin’s face as he grimaced as though in pain, groaning loudly, suddenly even more fierce against her, driving her over the edge again as she felt his own fevered release.
He gently lowered his weight against her, burying his face in her perfumed hair, his breath deep and rasping. ‘It was more,’ he finally groaned, ‘so much more than I even imagined!’
She could never have imagined anything as devastatingly shattering as the passion they had just shared. She didn’t need to be experienced to know that it had been something special. She hadn’t known whether she would be able to feel pleasure at all the first time they made love, but it had been never-ending, and even now she wanted him again. As she felt him stir against her she knew that it was what he wanted, to.
He looked down at her questioningly as his passion rekindled. ‘Are you all right?’ His voice was husky.
A delicate blush darkened her cheeks. ‘I don’t hurt at all,’ she assured him softly, finding her shyness utterly ridiculous considering the intimacy of their positions.