Forbidden Falls

When he walked into the bar, he was surprised to see Ellie Baldwin seated at a table not far from the empty hearth. A cup of coffee sat in front of her, her hands were folded in her lap and she gazed out the window. Instead of looking brassy and sexy, she looked a little lost. Noah lifted a hand in her direction, but she was deep in thought and didn’t even notice him. So he went up to the bar.

“Hey, Noah,” Jack said.

“What’s she doing here?” Noah asked.

Jack shrugged. “Disappointed, I think. But what are you gonna do?” Jack put a mug in front of Noah and poured coffee without being asked.

“Disappointed?” Noah asked.

“She said she didn’t get the job.”

“I said I’d get back to her about that,” Noah said.

“Maybe that’s not what she heard, Noah.”

“Hmm.” He took a sip of coffee. “How about two slices of pie, right over there.”

“Sure thing,” Jack said.

Noah migrated to Ellie’s table. He stood there until she looked up at him. Oh, man, he was in trouble. Her eyes were red rimmed and wet, her mascara a little smeared. Grant that I may not so much seek to be understood as to understand. “You mind if I join you?” he asked.

She straightened and her eyes immediately cleared and narrowed. She was one tough customer. “Knock yourself out,” she said coolly.

He pulled out a chair and set his coffee cup in front of him. “You seem upset, Ellie. Was it something I said?”

“It was something you didn’t say,” she replied.

“Oh? What was that?”

“You’re hired,” she said.

“I thought I should give all the applicants a fair shot.”

“Are you kidding me? I sat in my car outside waiting for my turn. I saw the other applicants—all two of them. One could barely get up the stairs; not a good bet for moving furniture. The other one had such a mean schnobble, she could break glass with her face.”

“Schnobble?” he asked.

“What my gramma used to call a sourpuss. Now, that’s a church lady, all right—if you’re looking for one as mean as a junkyard dog.”

He laughed before he could reel it in. “Who knew you were checking out the competition.” Jack brought the pie, put it in front of them and got the heck out of there. Noah lifted a fork. “Pretty accurate, too. But I told you I’d get in touch.”

“If you do, it’ll be to say I didn’t get the job.”

He was quiet a moment, then he said, “Have some pie. Nobody makes pie like Preacher.”

“Preacher? You made the pie?”

“No, the cook—he goes by the nickname Preacher. That could lead to problems.” He nodded toward the plate. “Try it.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I’m not hungry.”

“Give it a chance, you’ll be amazed. And between bites, tell me why I don’t get the benefit of the doubt.”

Slowly, reluctantly, she took a bite of blackberry pie. She chewed and swallowed, but clearly the ambrosia of Preacher’s pie was lost on her. After one bite, she put down the fork and her hands went back into her lap. Noah had to concentrate to focus on her eyes. That cleavage was killing him. “No hard feelings,” she said quietly. “I haven’t had much luck in the job market lately. I think it’s made me a little cranky.”

“Well, what are you looking for?” he asked, digging into his pie.

“Anything proper,” she said. “It’s like I said, it’s for my kids.”

“And they’ll benefit from their mom having a proper job?”

She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. “Look, it’s kind of personal—my kids are going through a hard time. I don’t think I should talk about it. No way I want people to know all that stuff …”

Noah considered this for a second and against his better judgment he said, “If you feel like talking about it, Ellie, you can trust me with a confidence.”

“How can I be sure of that?” she asked with a lift of one eyebrow.

He sat back and smirked. “I’m a minister. I took Secret Keeping 101.”

“But you’re not my minister,” she reminded him. “It’s all pretty messy.”

“And of course I never hear anything messy in this job,” he said sarcastically. “I don’t mean to pry. I was just offering you a chance to—”

“I lost my kids,” she blurted. “My ex-husband filed for custody and got it. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I was dancing in a club where some of the girls take off their clothes sometimes.” She shrugged. “Not sometimes—all the time. They think the more they’re willing to take off, the better the tips, and that was usually true.” She swallowed and looked away, her eyes threatening to fill again. “My tips were about average.”

“You were an exotic dancer?” he asked.

She looked back at him. “There was nothing exotic about it.”

Truthfully, she looked like someone who’d be more than comfortable taking it off. Noah was hardly shocked; while he was working his way through seminary, he had a casual little ministry down on the docks. His best customers were bums, strippers, homeless people, addicts and others.

“Are they okay with their dad?” Noah asked with as much sensitivity as possible.

The question got an instant reaction out of her. Her face became angry and hard, erasing some of the youthful beauty buried under too much makeup. “He’s not their dad. He was their stepdad for less than three months, and this isn’t about giving them a good life, it’s about holding them hostage. He wants me, that’s what he wants. I dated him for quite a while and I thought he was a nice, normal guy, but he’s not. He’s weird, abusive, mean and controlling, so we got out.

“After we left him, I found myself a real nice setup—I rented half a duplex next to a great lady who could keep the kids at night while I worked. I needed the sitter, she needed the extra money and we had a good arrangement. She was super to the kids, they hardly knew I was gone. I fixed dinner and left at six, she got their baths, read with them and put them to bed, then she’d nod off on the couch till I got home. It was one of the first times I could afford both the rent and the babysitting on just one job. But Arnie wanted us back. He doesn’t like it when things don’t go his way. Taking my kids away from me was the only thing he could think of. He’s one of those people who has to be in charge all the time. In control.”

Noah’s fork was frozen in midair. After all that, all he could say was, “Abusive?”

“Mean,” she said. “He doesn’t hit, but he’s real rigid, demanding as hell and says hurtful things. You don’t like what’s on your plate, you go to bed hungry after you’re called a whole bunch of names. You don’t snap to attention, and you’re called stupid and idiot. Don’t rinse the dishes and wipe the table just perfect, you go to bed without stories or playtime. There’s no TV in the house, no talking at the table, no playing outside unless an adult is standing over you. No sleeping together—that’s dirty.” Her eyes watered. “Trevor is only four! And even when I did manage to get a place where they had their own room, they were always crawling in with me! It’s what kids do!”

Noah couldn’t move. She was pushing some buttons he didn’t feel like having pushed. He started hearing his father’s voice. What do I ask of you besides respect and decency? You have to learn discipline and restraint for your own good before you’re completely lost! No dessert/football/summer camp/TV/friends/et cetera et cetera et cetera!

Her voice lowered and calmed. “Danielle is only eight, and she’s expected to make sure everything is perfectly tidy and clean. And if it isn’t exactly how he wants it, which she’s just too young to do, he calls her names and takes away privileges.” Her laugh had a hollowing. “They’re not things I call privileges—like dinner? Like reading before bed? A privilege? I call it a necessity. How’s Danielle going to grow up smarter than me if she doesn’t get to read?”

Noah cleared his throat. “And this is better for them than a mother who dances for a living?”

She shrugged and looked down for a second. “It was the kind of dancing I did, I guess.” But she met his eyes when she said, “I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I took the kids to the club. It’s not an illegal place.”

“And the judge awarded custody to their stepfather?”

Her lips curved in a cynical smile. “The judge isn’t such a good tipper, either,” she said.

Noah felt sick. He put down his fork. “How did the judge figure in this, Ellie? Did you know him before?”

“He came into the club sometimes. He asked to buy me dinner a few times and I said no—he’s an old man! And besides, we don’t date customers. I explained that, but he wasn’t happy with the answer. But he fixed me, didn’t he?”

“Did the judge tell you that if you found a ‘proper’ job, you could have custody again?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “He said he couldn’t, in good conscience, leave the children in the hands of a stripper when there was a better alternative. All he knows about Arnie is that he’s a principal for a private school. He doesn’t know the real Arnie. The real Arnie can have a mean mouth on him. The judge said this was just temporary—he’d look at the custody again in ninety days.” She glanced away. “Eighty-two and counting.”

“Are you seeing your kids?”

She nodded and that’s when things fell apart for her; she couldn’t keep the tears back. One big one rolled down each cheek. “Every Saturday, just during the day. They can’t even spend the night with me. They’ve never been away from me before. I’ve never spent a single night away from them since they were born, except to work! Do you know the only reason why I haven’t done something like snatch them and run? Because Arnie is obsessed with winning, with having his way. I believe he’d hunt me down and have me locked up. And that would be even worse for the kids than this.”

Noah’s pie sat untouched, as well. He didn’t feel so hot. “Have you tried to get help, Ellie? Like legal aid?”

“Sure,” she said. “They were very nice to me. But there’s not a lot they can do with the decision at this point. Their advice was to try to find an acceptable job. They said they’d go back to court with me, maybe even sooner than ninety days, and they’d make sure I got my kids back. And make sure Arnie didn’t get any visitation—we were only married three months and they’re not his kids. Once I have my kids back legally, I’m running for my life. I’ll go as far as I have to go. I’ll change our names. I’m never letting something like this happen to them again. I made a lot of mistakes … I know I’m not the best mother—the best mother wouldn’t dance for strange men. But I love my kids. I take as good care of them as I can and I love them. And they are, for God’s sake, going to be able to read before bed!”

He smiled at her. “I think that’s something a good mother would insist on.”

“I try. I do everything I can. What else you going to do? It’s really hard when you have to work two jobs. At least at the club, I didn’t have to have a second job to make ends meet. And it was a job I could do while they were asleep.”

“Ellie, do you mind if I ask—how old are you?”

“Twenty-five.”

Well, she said she had them too young, he thought. “Where’s their biological dad?”

She shook her head and heaved a defeated sigh. “Oh, what the hell, you’re not giving me that church job anyway. A church job would really kick ass, but—” She took a breath. “This is all part of that Secret Keeping 101, right?”

“You bet.”

“I got pregnant in high school and then my boyfriend got killed in a motorcycle accident before we could even get married. It took me a long time to pick up the pieces and then I made my second big mistake—Trevor’s daddy went to prison when I was just barely pregnant. Robbery. He had a cigar lighter that looked exactly like a gun—how about that? He decided to play a joke on a store owner and ask for the bank deposit. We don’t have any contact at all and never will. And then, as if I couldn’t be smart even once in my life, I married Arnie Gunterson.”

“Wow,” Noah said. “Why’d you marry him?”

“Come on, he didn’t act crazy when I was getting to know him. He was real nice. And he offered me something I’d never had before—a chance to live in a real house and stay home to take care of my kids. He treated me careful, with respect. He never even tried anything, he was saving himself for marriage—remind me never to fall for that one again! I didn’t know there was anything wrong with him. I mean, I knew he wasn’t fun. But the last fun one, Chip, was a laugh a minute, all the way to jail.” She took a breath. “Honest to God, I don’t even know why Arnie wants me. I wasn’t married to him for three days before he started acting all jealous, asking every day if I talked to any men, acting as if he didn’t even really like me. But he wanted me there, in his house, taking orders. And I don’t take orders very well. I must have been like a bad dream to him and he still wouldn’t let me go.

“But you know what? I’m going to figure this out. I’m going to get on my feet, get my kids back, and we’re going to be fine. There have been three men in my life, one of ‘em dead and two of ‘em too lousy to talk about, and that’s the total number of men there ever will be until I drop dead. How’s that? I don’t care what it takes, I’m getting ahead of this. My gramma always used to say the stuff that doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Pastor Kincaid, meet Hercules Baldwin.”

Right away Noah’s thought was, You might’ve sworn off men, but I bet they haven’t sworn off you—not with

that face and body. Shew. He was starting to feel a little warm. Let me seek to understand rather than to be understood. Where there is despair, let me offer hope. And dear God, could you please get her to cover up that cleavage for a while?

“Look, Your Reverence, I just need a job like this for ninety days. That’s all. Maybe even less. I just have to convince the judge I’m a good mother, that I have a proper job, and then I’ll get out of your hair.”

“You know the judge shouldn’t have been able to take them from you without a pretty exhaustive investigation, right? You know he overstepped his authority, right? Did the legal-aid people explain all that?” Noah asked her.

“That the judge went his own way on this because he could?” she asked. “Oh, yeah, I know he was just screwing with me. And it was also explained that challenging him right now could drag things out even longer—it would make his decision more of an issue than the custody. And believe me, I don’t cut him any slack here, but he doesn’t realize what he’s doing to the kids by giving Arnie control any more than I did when I married Arnie. I’m sure he didn’t think it would be horrible for them. That’s no excuse for ignoring some real important rules, like giving the kids a lawyer of their own … That isn’t going to happen twice, I promise!”

He thought for a second, studying his pie. He looked up. “Ellie, I’d like to ask you a question and I don’t think there’s a way to do it that won’t be offensive. I apologize for that. Could there be any other possible reason the judge chose your ex-husband as the guardian?”

“Like?” she asked, as if confused.

He shrugged. “Problems with the law? Parenting problems? You know …”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t drink or smoke. I don’t do drugs. The only law I ever broke was not getting my license tags renewed on time because I didn’t have the money. I have a potty mouth, but not in front of the kids … I hardly ever slip. I don’t leave my children alone, and I’ve lost jobs when the sitter stood me up. I can’t give my kids everything I want to, but I take care of them the best I can.”

“You understand, I can’t even consider you for the job unless I ask.”

“I can do your stupid job,” she said defiantly. “And you can bet I’ll do a damn good job. No one has ever complained about my work. I work hard. I always do two days’ work in one, just in case one of the kids gets a fever or something and I have to call in sick to stay with them. I swear to God, if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s lazy!”

“You know, Ellie, the pay I’m able to afford is low. Very modest,” he said. “There are some benefits, but they’re not the greatest.”

“I figured,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t care about that.”

“How would you make that work? You obviously need money.”

“I’ll make changes,” she said. “Give up the duplex. Find one room somewhere. I don’t need a house when I can’t have my kids overnight. We’ve lived in one room before and we could do it again.” She shrugged. “Cozy. We just curl up and tickle and laugh and play and—” Again her eyes misted over. “I’ll manage whatever life throws at me. That’s what I’m used to doing.”

“The church job—it’s not a piece of cake,” he said. “I need help with heavy jobs. You saw the place. I have to fix it up before I even get to the preaching part.”

She flashed him a smile. “Sounds like fun. More fun than listening to a lot of bible beating.”

“At least I’m not going to have to work at getting you to come out of your shy little shell,” Noah said, and she laughed. “You’re in a tight spot. You need just under three months to get back to the judge and for me to find someone permanent. We could try it. But it’s not going to be easy.” On either one of us, he thought.

“Do I seem like someone who knows what to do with easy?”

He smiled and shook his head. He knew better; this was a bad idea. But the kid deserved a break, didn’t she? He dared a glance down from her eyes. A tremor ran though him. She sure didn’t look like a church secretary. But then, he didn’t look like a preacher. “You’re out of work right now?” he asked.

“I quit the day the judge gave Arnie the kids. I have to find something right away.”

“Tomorrow’s Thursday. If you want to start then, you can. But like I said, it’s dirty work. Do you have … ah … Jeans? Sweatshirts? Some shoes that aren’t high heels?”

“Sure,” she said, beaming. “Cool. I haven’t been in a church in years!”

“No kidding? I’d never have guessed. Well, people will have certain expectations …”

“Okay, no swearing. I’ll be totally polite. And I’ll leave my pasties and G-string at home.” Noah went completely red and she burst out laughing. “I don’t have pasties and G-strings. That club? It wasn’t that bad.”

“Just out of curiosity, what was your part?” he asked.

“Well,” she said, rolling her eyes upward. “That’s the interesting thing—sometimes a certain costume or look does more for the guys than being totally naked. The two most popular outfits were the cheerleading costume and the candy striper’s costume. The men—they really go for pom-poms.” Ellie looked at Noah. “Hey—are you all right?”

“Fine. I’m fine,” Noah said weakly. He’d been in his share of strip clubs, but not for a while. And he hadn’t had much female companionship lately, either. Until today, he hadn’t realized how much he missed that. “Now, try that pie.”

“Thanks,” she said. “Are you just doing this to be nice?”

“Pretty much. Are you conning me?”

“Out of a job that’s really hard and pays practically nothing?” she asked. “Why? So I can steal and hock a crucifix? Please. If I could figure out how to con someone, I’d go after that judge. What a jackass he turned out to be. Oops. Sorry. I’m going to have to work on my language, huh?”

“Probably,” Noah grumbled.

After finishing their pie, Noah and Ellie stood, shook hands, and she left. Noah took the empty plates and cups over to Jack at the bar.

“She seemed a lot happier when she left than when she came in, if you know what I mean,” Jack said.

“She assumed she wouldn’t get the job at the church,” Noah said. “Not exactly church-secretary material, I guess.”

“I guess,” Jack said. “Nice-enough girl, though.”

“She needs a job,” Noah said.

“That a fact?”

“What she needs is a break. And it turns out she has all the qualifications.”

Jack grinned. “I couldn’t help but notice.”

Noah sat on a stool. “Better give me a beer….”

“You bet. What’s your pleasure?”

“I’m flexible.”

Jack drew him a cold draft. “You gave her the job, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Noah admitted.

“Whoa, this is going to be fun.”

“For who, exactly?” Noah asked.

Jack laughed at him. “I only talked to her a minute, but she seems okay, don’t you think?”

“She could be a little rough around the edges for a church job.”

“Ya think?” Jack asked with a laugh. “So could you, Noah. But you’re an old softie. You sure she’s not just using you?”

“At eight dollars an hour? Come on. I’m going to have to pray for forgiveness all night for taking advantage of her.”

“Well, there’s a point.”

“But we’re going to have to do something about those … Maybe a shawl? A nice big, concealing shawl?”

“I don’t know, Noah. How about a tarp?”

“God help me.” Noah took a drink of the beer. “Jack, it’s been a real trip, getting to know you and the town. But when the locals get a load of the pastor’s assistant, I’m going to be run out on a rail.”

“Easy, Noah. This is Virgin River. We like things a little on the interesting side. You’ll manage.”

Noah took another drink of his beer. “Let’s hope so,” he muttered.

For her first day of work at the church, Ellie chose to wear something conservative. She dressed in overalls with a white, sleeveless tank top underneath that laced up the front. She slipped into sneakers, pulled her plentiful, curly, copper-colored hair up in a clip, lined her lips and eyes and off she went to Virgin River.

“I’m here,” she yelled as she walked into the church.

“I’m in the basement,” Noah yelled back.

She clomped down the steps, jumping off the bottom step. Noah was patching cracks in the unfinished cinder-block wall, a plasterer’s hawk with a mound of wet cement in one hand, a putty knife in the other. Lucy lay not far away on her bed, lifting her head and wagging her tail as Ellie came down the stairs. Noah smiled at her, then his smile froze. He looked her slowly up and down. And again.

“What?” she demanded hotly, hands on her hips.

“Nothing,” he said, turning away.

“No. What? What’s the matter?”

He turned back slowly, put his tools down on top of the ladder and approached her. “I don’t know how to say this. I think it would be in the best interests of both of us if you’d dress a little more … conservatively.”

She looked down at herself. “More conservatively than overalls?” she asked.

He felt a laugh escape in spite of himself. He shook his head. “Ellie, I’ve never seen anybody look that good in overalls before.”

“And this is a bad thing?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“It’s provocative,” he tried to explain. “Sexy. People who work around churches usually dress a little more … What’s the best way to put this …?”

“Frumpy? Dumpy? Ugly?”

“Without some of their bra showing, for one thing.”

“Well now, Reverend, just where have you been? Because this happens to be in style. And I’ll do any work you give me, but you really shouldn’t be telling me what to wear. The last guy I was with tried to do me over. He liked me well enough when he was trying to get my attention, but the second I married him, he wanted to cover me up so no one would notice I had a body!”

“The husband?”

“The very same. It didn’t work for him and it’s not going to work for you. You didn’t say anything about a dress code. Maybe I’ll turn you in to the Better Business Bureau or something.”

“I think you mean the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Or maybe you should go straight to the American Civil Liberties Union.” He stepped toward her. “Ellie,” he said, using his tender but firm minister voice. “I’m a single man. You’re a very beautiful young woman. I would like it if the good people of Virgin River assumed you were given this job solely because of your qualifications and not because you’re eye candy. Tomorrow, could you please wear something less distracting?”