Filthy Beautiful Lust
‘Just like it wasn’t a good idea for you to marry the mega-bitch Stella. But you didn’t listen to me. You had to find out for yourself.’ His fists clench at his sides. He hates it when I bring up his ex. Too damn bad.
‘You didn’t forget about our engagement party this Saturday, did you?’
‘Of course not,’ I answer. I’d totally forgotten it was this weekend. Good thing Collins and I had already gone in on a gift. ‘Where’s it at again? The Beverly Hills Country Club?’ I smirk. His last engagement party was there.
Colton growls out an expletive, apparently not appreciating my sarcastic sense of humor. ‘No dipshit. Nothing fancy and over the top. This is Sophie, remember?’
Sophie. Of course I remember. She is nothing like his first wife, thank God. That evil bitch would have eaten your balls for breakfast if you weren’t careful. I cup my nuts, remembering her, and shudder.
‘It’s at the house. Six o’clock. We’re grilling and playing yard games,’ Colton finishes.
‘Will Kylie be there?’ I smirk.
‘Get the fuck out,’ he hisses, tossing his stapler at me on my way out the door. It hits the wall with a dull thud, and I know I’m back in the game.
On Saturday afternoon, I’m seated on the diving board, dangling my bare feet in the pool waiting for the party to begin. Sophie and Colton are standing in the backyard, greeting guests as they arrive, accepting congratulations and showing off her engagement ring. There’s still no sight of Kylie. As the days passed, I started to question why my focus was so singularly on this woman. But then I see her, and it all comes rushing back.
She’s wearing a white, gauzy sundress with sandals on her feet. Her hair is tied back into a simple ponytail. She’s stunning. There is something so natural and simple about her. I cannot look away. My eyes wander down her bare legs. They are toned and tanned nicely. I wonder if she’s a runner. Her hand is outstretched and a chubby baby toddles alongside her, holding on to her finger.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen the little guy – I didn’t realize he’d be walking now. I continue watching them from my perch on the diving board.
Kylie leads him over to the bride and groom-to-be, then lifts him into her arms, doling out hugs and well-wishes, though I’m not close enough to hear what is being said.
When I see Collins arrive with our dad, I hop off the diving board, the bottom cuffs of my khaki pants wet, and cross the patio.
‘Hey old man,’ I greet him with a thump on the back.
‘Pace Alexander.’ He grins at me and pulls me into a hug.
It’s been way too long since I’ve seen him. The Christmas before last, I think. I’m pretty sure he has a new, young girlfriend keeping him busy. He still works, but we’re all on him to retire. That way he could spend more time out here in LA with all of us. And I’m sure Colton and Sophie are going to start popping out kids soon enough.
‘What’s her name?’ I ask him.
‘Who?’
‘You look way too fit and happy. There’s gotta be a woman.’
He gives me a sly smile and looks from me, to Collins and back again. ‘I plead the fifth.’
‘Just tell me she’s older than me at least.’
‘How old are you again?’
‘Twenty-five,’ I say.
‘Don’t worry about it, son. Now point me in the direction of this lovely Sophie I’ve heard so much about.’
Collins and I lead him across the yard to meet his future daughter-in-law. Sophie wins my dad over instantly, which is really no surprise. She’s sweet, kind, down to earth and easy to get along with. As we chat and make small talk with the family my eyes keep straying to Kylie. She’s holding Max against her chest as they twirl around in the grass, his squeals of joy audible even from here. I get a strange look from Colton when he catches me watching them. I decide to go now, while he’s busy with Dad, and before he can interfere. The cock-blocking asshole.
Since Max is the only child here, and Colton’s home isn’t exactly kid-friendly, Kylie’s brought her own toys for him to play with. Smart. They’ve already littered the yard with trucks and balls in various sizes and colors.
When I get closer, Max is pushing a green tractor toward her with chubby outstretched hands.
‘Raising him up right, I see.’ I nod toward the John Deere tractor her son is driving.
She looks up at me and smirks. ‘I didn’t know you were familiar with anything outside of BMW and Mercedes.’
She’s called me out and she doesn’t even know it. I drive a BMW M3. ‘A man can still appreciate fine machinery.’ I sink to the ground on bended knees. ‘It’s all about the details. See?’ I lift up the secret hatch under the seat.
Max begins to clap as I drop a couple blades of grass into the hatch and close it once again. He’s delighted to sit here in the grass, opening and closing the new found secret compartment while I talk to the beautiful girl in front of me.
Kylie sinks to ground, and crosses her legs, since she’s in a dress. We sit in silence for a few minutes, just watching him play.
Her son doesn’t look like her. He must get his olive skin tone, and dark hair from his father. But his mannerisms are all her. The way he breaks into a wide smile and squeals with delight reminds me of her own bright smile and hearty laughter. The way he stands and surveys his surroundings with a curious expression is Kylie’s too. They’re both so calm and grounded and there’s something I like about that.
‘Do you want something to drink?’ Kylie does some type of sign-language to him as she speaks and a moment later, he repeats the move back to her. She hands him a blue plastic sippy cup from inside her bag. He brings it to his mouth and tilts his head so far back that he falls into the grass and just lays there, drinking like he’s been travelling through the desert and deprived of liquid. I crack a smile. While he lies there quietly, I take a moment to look at Kylie. To really look at her.
The sun brings out her hair’s reddish undertone. Her skin looks incredibly soft and her mouth is full and has a natural pout that women spend thousands to achieve via plastic surgery.
Her bare shoulders are delicate and tanned. Sticky fingers reach out for her, and she doesn’t hesitate, lifting him into her arms and letting him plaster her cheeks with wet kisses. I wouldn’t know what that felt like – to have a little body clinging to me and so happy just to be near me. Watching her interact with her baby, it’s hard to look away.
Max tosses down his juice cup and wanders from her lap to where I’m sitting. ‘Hi buddy,’ I say, meeting his intense stare. He’s silently watching me, but I can see the wheels turning in his little head. He’s trying to piece together who I am and what I’m doing. I like your mom, little dude, so be cool. Holding out my hand, I ask him if he can give me five and he does, smacking his sticky palm against mine with a squeal. Then he lunges toward me and begins climbing me like a tree.
‘Max, don’t do that…’ Kylie reaches for him, but I wave her off.
‘He’s fine. Unless you’re not okay with this?’
She opens, then closes her mouth, thinking it over. ‘No, it’s fine. He doesn’t often play with men, so I think this might be good for him. I’m just happy he’s not shy. I’ve been waiting for that stage to hit.’
I look down into giant bright blue eyes. ‘You’re not afraid of me, are you buddy?’
He squeals and slaps a chubby palm against my face. Okay then, that settles that.
I spend the next fifteen minutes flying him like an airplane around the yard, hunting for frogs in the garden and letting him dip his fingers into the pool while I hold onto him.
Kylie watches everything with a neutral expression that makes me wish I knew what she was thinking. And even though she mingles a bit and greets the other guests, her eyes are never far from us.
Once Max tires of me, he reaches for her. ‘Mumma,’ he says in a little gravelly voice.
I place him in her arms, my hands sliding against her bare shoulder as we make the exchange. Her skin is warm and petal soft and her eyes dart up to mine. ‘Thank you.’
‘Anytime,’ I say, sticking my hands into my pockets. Without that wiggly little body in my arms, they feel a bit useless just dangling there at my sides.
The photographer Colton and Sophie hired to capture the memories of their engagement party approaches. ‘Will you three get together for a picture?’
Kylie stiffens, and I see her mouth open like she’s about to refuse the photographer.
‘It’s just a photo,’ I remind her. She’s desperate to refuse anything that could be construed as intimate between us. ‘Please,’ I add.
Kylie settles Max on her hip so they’re both facing the camera and I toss my arm around her shoulder, hugging them both, and smile brightly at the photographer.
She takes a few shots and then lowers her camera. ‘What an adorable baby you two have.’
‘Oh, he’s not…’ I pause, mentally smacking myself. I’d been about to deny him as mine– and he’s not–but I suddenly realize that I wouldn’t mind people thinking he was. I wouldn’t mind someone assuming that this beautiful woman and her baby belong to me.
Kylie’s eyes flash to mine, wondering why I haven’t corrected the woman.
I shrug, lifting an eyebrow to tell her it’s okay. Her brow crinkles and she chews on her lower lip, but doesn’t say anything, instead turning her attention back to Max.
In the distance I see the caterers setting out platters of food at the long banquet table on the patio. ‘Shall we get something to eat?’
‘Sure,’ she says, then makes the sign for eat to Max, which he eagerly imitates.
Chapter Four
Kylie
Pace and I are seated at one of the banquet tables dressed in white linens with Max between us. I’m nervous he’s going to spill something or ruin the tablecloth with his enthusiastic method of eating, but Pace only smiles adoringly at him. It makes me feel unsure and on edge.
I share a plate of food with Max, and he nibbles on grilled salmon, potatoes and cucumber salad like a champ. I’m thankful I don’t have a picky eater. Otherwise, it’d be Cheerios for dinner, because that was all I packed. Of course I also forgot to put on his bib, which meant half of the food was ending up on his shirt. I’ll be changing him into his jammies after this.
Pace looks on, clearly impressed by Max’s ability to shovel fistfuls of food into his mouth. ‘Does he have any teeth in there?’
‘He has four.’
‘How old is he?’ he asks next.
I don’t know what’s up with his sudden interest in my child, or maybe it’s just that he’s trying to be polite and make small talk since he’s stuck sitting next to the lady with the baby. ‘He turned one last month.’
‘So it’s just you and him?’ The depth of Pace’s expression surprises me. There’s usually a crooked grin on his lips, a dimple peeking from one cheek, and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Now there’s only a set mouth, strong jawline and deep blue eyes watching me, waiting for my response.
I swallow a lump in my throat. I don’t need anyone. At least that’s what I tell myself. But Max… I feel bad for my son. I hate to think about when he’s older having to explain to him that his own father wanted nothing to do with him. ‘It’s just us,’ I say, my voice going tight. I take a sip of water and exhale deeply. ‘Where’s your girlfriend tonight?’
‘I don’t have a girlfriend.’
‘What about the blonde from the other weekend?’
‘She was a one-time thing.’
‘Classy.’ I raise an eyebrow at him. He’s blunt, but for some reason I like his direct style of communication and the way his eyes never stray from mine. He doesn’t make excuses, doesn’t try to cover up who he is. Or what that night had been – it was a one-time hookup. God, I don’t even remember what that’d be like.
I might be a mom now, but my body still has needs, yearnings…that I promptly ignore. Yes, sir, I shut those feelings down with a vice clamp. They are dangerous and make me want things that just aren’t possible for me right now.
‘I still want to take you to dinner,’ he says, reading my faraway thoughts.
‘We’re having dinner,’ I point out and feed another bite to Max from the end of my fork, hoping to actually get some of the food in his mouth this time.
Pace stares straight ahead, looking out at the ocean, and for the first time, I begin to wonder what he’s thinking, what he sees when he looks at me. He’s a handsome, eligible bachelor. Surely his prospects are better than a single mom so jaded it’d take a miracle for me to trust again. Though I have to admit, there is something in me that loved seeing him with Max. His big hands that curled all the way around Max’s belly and ribcage, the gentle way he flew him through the air while Max giggled…Max deserves more moments like that. The rational side of my brain knows that, but I won’t have him feel the loss and rejection when Pace decides a blond with inflatable breasts is more fun than a twenty-nine year old single mom and her son. And he was guaranteed to.
Men like him don’t change overnight. I need to keep my feet firmly on the ground and my head out of the clouds, no matter how freaking cute he is.
After dinner, I change Max into his pajamas, we brush all four of his teeth and I read him the two books I’d packed. I know he’s tired because he’s tugging on his ears through the second book. It’s his tell. A clear signal that he’s ready to be laid down and won’t get up again until morning. And it’s a good thing too, because after twelve hours of playing and lifting him and carrying him my back is aching and I just want to sit down and relax for a minute or two before we have to drive home.
I spot Sophie and Colton by the outdoor fireplace.
‘Hey guys.’ I lean in and give each of them a hug. ‘Great party. Thank you for having us.’ I feel bad that I haven’t spent any time with the hosts yet, but chasing a one-year-old around keeps you busy.
Sophie’s mouth curls in a smile. It’s so good to see her happy. ‘You look gorgeous tonight.’
I chuckle, realizing she usually only sees me dressed for work. And since I work at home, my ensemble usually consists of a pair of faded yoga pants and a stretched out t-shirt.
If I’m being honest, the only reason I took the extra time and care getting ready – wearing a sundress, curling my hair – was because I knew I’d see Pace again. It’s stupid, and I brush off her compliment.
‘Max is sleeping in your den. Hope that’s okay,’ I say.
‘Absolutely,’ Colton says. ‘You could have put him upstairs in a bed, you know?’
I wave him off. ‘He’s fine. But thank you.’
‘Looks like he had fun with Pace today,’ Colton remarks, watching me closely to see my reaction. Colton and his brother are really quite different. Where Colton is intense, calculated and exacting in everything he does, Pace is open and easy going and puts a smile on your face, despite your best efforts to hate him.
I want to drill him for information, ask him what is up with Pace’s attention toward me and my son, but I don’t want to appear to be overly interested. ‘Just a couple more days until you guys set off, right?’ I ask.
Colton wraps his arms around Sophie’s middle and tugs her back against him. ‘It’ll be Sophie’s first time in Africa. The first of many, hopefully. I’m anxious to see all the progress from my visit there two years ago.’
Colton and I discuss the logistics of their trip, while Sophie peppers us with questions of her own. They’ve each been receiving the necessary vaccinations before their travel, and have their passports and travel visas ready. They’ll be gone for three weeks. I’ll miss seeing Sophie on the days she works with me.
‘I wish you could come, Kylie,’ Sophie says. ‘Would your nanny stay with Max?’
I shrug. ‘She probably would if I asked her, but I don’t think I could handle being separated from Max for so long.’ He is my heart.
She nods like she understands. But I don’t think she truly does. She will when she’s a mother.
Pace wanders over in bare feet, his white shirtsleeves are pushed up, showing off tan and muscular forearms sprinkled with light hair. He’s dangling a bottle of beer from one hand and grinning at me.
‘Where’s your mini?’ he asks, looking directly at me.
My belly tightens. ‘He’s all partied-out.’
‘Excuse us,’ Colton says. ‘We’ve got to go say goodnight to Dad. He’s still operating on the eastern time zone.’ He leads Sophie away and I’m, once again, alone with Pace. I’m not sure why I feel so out of my element when I’m near him. It’s probably because I don’t understand his motivations, I decide.
‘Care to join me by the water?’ he asks.
‘Sure.’ He leads me toward the beach. And even though my brain is screaming at me to say no, my feet carry me down toward the water, following closely behind him.
Pace
I lead Kylie to a secluded spot on the beach. After seeing her with the little koala bear she’s had attached to her hip or by her side all afternoon, it’s like part of her is missing. There’s something I don’t like about it.
‘This okay?’ I ask, indicating a dry spot in the sand where the tall grasses shield some of the wind blowing in off the water.
‘Fine,’ she says, lowering herself down. ‘The monitor should still work out here.’ Kylie crosses her legs and folds her hands in her lap.
I sink down beside her. The sand is warm and sugar soft. The gentle sounds of the low rolling waves and moonlight gleaming down on us make a romantic backdrop. If she were any other woman, I would have her down on her knees by now with my cock deep in her throat. To be honest, I’m a bit at a loss right now, unsure what to do or say next. It’s an interesting change for me.
‘Did you enjoy yourself tonight?’ I ask.
‘Max had fun, so that was good.’
It wasn’t what I’d asked her, but I let it go.
When she talks about her son, her eyes light up and her mouth curves into a silly grin. It’s actually quite adorable. She’s a far cry from the women in my past. For one, she’s not all over me, and two, she’s mostly quiet and contemplative as she looks out at the water. She feels no need to fill the silence with nonsense jabber. It’s refreshing.
She’s never fake, never tries to impress me, she’s just comfortable in her own skin and that makes the man inside me take notice.
From the corner of my vision, I watch the breeze lift the stray pieces of hair that have escaped her ponytail. They flutter around her neck and cheeks while Kylie looks straight ahead, watching the waves. I’m certain she has no idea how beautiful she is with her minimal makeup and no-fuss style. I was noticing things I never took the time to notice before, like the delicate scent hanging around her, and how soft and smooth her skin looks.
When you fuck a woman in the bathroom of a nightclub, there’s no reason to take her out again. Where’s the chase? The mystery? I liked to get a little crazy now and then, but I still believed a woman should behave like a woman. Kylie is every bit poised and put together with a shit ton of mystery and enough depth to make me want to give chase.
In Los Angeles her modesty is refreshing. She would be the type of woman to age gracefully. No injections or fillers or skin pulled too tight around her eyes. She’d still be beautiful at sixty. I could see it now. Long silver hair, the same cheeky gleam in her green eyes, as she pushed up on her toes to kiss her grown son on the cheek.
‘I should go. It’s late, and…’
Hell, I can’t let her walk away yet. ‘Max’s asleep inside, right?’
She looks down at the baby monitor in her hands. ‘Yes, but…’
‘You could stay for a little while longer, couldn’t you?’
She looks like she wants to say no, but then at the last minute, she surprises me. ‘I suppose so.’
‘I know you said you’re not much of a drinker, but could I get you anything…water? Soda?’
‘No, I’m fine. You didn’t have to hang around us all night, Max and I, I mean,’ she says.
‘I wanted to, Kylie.’
She swallows and glances up at my eyes, trying to read if I’m feeding her a line. ‘Pace, I’ve worked for Colton for over a year now. He’s told me a few stories about his younger brother. I know this isn’t you. You’re not the guy who’s looking to settle down with a single mom. You said so yourself at the gala.’
‘Then what kind of guy am I, Kylie?’
Her brilliant emerald gaze flashes on mine, looking dark and dangerous. ‘You’re the guy who drops panties and breaks hearts and does it all with a sultry grin. I’ve heard the stories. They’re a bit wild.’ She winks.
I’m going to fucking kill Colton. I don’t care that it’s his engagement party. He’s a dead man. Shit, I realize I can’t do that to Sophie. I’ll just have to come up with some type of plan B to make him pay.
‘Unless you have some type of mommy dearest issue you need to explore?’ she raises a brow.
Her joke is off color, but she doesn’t know it. ‘I lost my mother when I was nine.’
‘Oh, God, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.’ Her hands flies to her chest and stays there while she watches me.
‘It’s okay. You didn’t know.’
‘I’m sorry. Colton never mentioned it.’ Her tone is tender and caring.
I shrug. I’m not surprised. ‘It’s not something we like to discuss.’
As we sit here together in the company of the endless blue ocean, I can’t help but wonder if my interest in Kylie has anything to do with the fact that I do see her as a mother. Her softness, the love I see pouring out of her in every interaction with Max – maybe those are things that attract me to her. Her warmth, her devotion – they are all part of what makes her beautiful. It doesn’t take a psychiatrist to find the link here. But it isn’t something I care to dwell on.
Beside me, Kylie cups handfuls of sand and lets them drift through her parted fingers like a sieve.
‘Can I ask you something?’ I ask.
She nods.
‘What happened to Max’s father?’ It’s something I’ve wondered about since the first time I met her, but I’m only brave enough to ask now, in the cover of night, and once she’s already stumbled over the death of my mother.
She pauses her motions, letting the sand fall from her hands, then dusts them off. ‘Have you ever been in love, Pace?’ she surprises me by asking.
‘No.’
‘Never?’
‘Nope.’ I’m hopeful that it’ll happen someday, I just haven’t gotten there yet. I’ve been too busy building my career and sleeping my way through the LA singles scene.
‘It’s a scary thing – handing your heart over like that. Giving someone the very best pieces of yourself.’ Her eyes are far away and she remains staring out at the water as she speaks. ‘I met Max’s father, Elan, when I first moved to Los Angeles a few years ago. He was quite a bit older than me, thirty-six at the time, already settled and successful. I didn’t know anyone in the city, and he seemed like a safe choice. We dated for about six months, and even though we never talked about our future in the terms of marriage and children, I felt like we were building toward something real and long-lasting. We stayed together every weekend, at either his place or mine. And even though we were careful – I was on birth control at the time – somehow, I got pregnant. I guess they’re serious with those fine print warnings about no birth control method being one-hundred percent effective. I just never thought anything like that would happen to me.’
The urge to reach over and take her hand in mine is nearly overwhelming. I fist my hands in my lap instead and wait for Kylie to continue.
‘I was scared when I found out – mostly because it was so unexpected. I was just getting my career off the ground, and my relationship with Elan was still pretty new. I never thought I had to worry about being a single mom, though. I wasn’t scared to tell Elan. He’d never been anything other than loving and kind toward me.’ Kylie’s tone tightens at the end, like she has something stuck in her throat.