Montana Cowboy's Baby
She jerked her gaze away. She must not cross the line between a patient and a doctor’s assistant. And that included the patient’s family. Don’t let your emotions get involved. You do what you can and leave the family to pull together.
She hurried to the kitchen to prepare the water mixture for the baby. A few minutes later, she had everything ready and returned to the sitting room.
Conner shifted to make room for her at his side on the couch.
She eased the tip of the syringe into the little mouth and squeezed out a drop, then massaged the thin neck. “Come on, Ellie, swallow.” A sigh escaped her when the baby did so. “Thank you,” she whispered.
She met Conner’s look, found there a sense of accord in shared concern for this wee bit of struggling humanity. It warmed her cheeks and heart to feel united with him in this.
Turning her attention back to the baby, she squeezed out another drop and then another. After a few swallows, little Ellie refused any more no matter how much Kate rubbed her face and neck and begged her to take more.
With no desire to drown the wee thing, Kate withdrew the syringe. “I’ll feed her every few minutes.”
Conner’s blue eyes filled with worry.
She patted his arm. “We aren’t solely responsible for the outcome here. God has a bigger part in healing than any mere man can play.” She needed the reminder for herself as much as for Conner. She was often frustrated by the limitations of medical science.
He nodded and she again felt as if they shared equal concern and responsibility for providing what this baby needed. He bent his head over his daughter and whispered her name.
She wondered if Conner watched the rise and fall of the tiny chest as desperately as she did.
In a bit, Ellie made a mewling sound.
“Hand me that whatever it’s called and I’ll see if Ellie will drink some more. I’m no doctor, but I know she needs something in her stomach if she’s to survive.”
Kate gave him the syringe of sugar water. He eased the tip between Ellie’s lips and squeezed out a shot.
Ellie choked. Her face grew red.
Conner’s face blanched. “What do I do?”
Rather than explain it to the distraught man, Kate took Ellie, turned her over and patted her back. She bent over the baby, watching her face. “Come on, little one, take a breath.”
The baby calmed.
Kate’s heart took slightly longer to return to a normal pace.
She turned Ellie about to look in her face. “You gave us quite a scare.” Solemn eyes focused on her for a brief moment before losing interest.
Conner let out a long sigh. “I almost killed her.” His voice shook. His gaze met hers. She couldn’t say if it was gratitude or caution she saw in his eyes or something else entirely. Nor could she explain why the look made her ache inside.
She struggled to adjust her thinking about this man. She’d always thought him noble and honorable. To learn he had fathered a child left her wondering what sort of man he really was.
She placed the baby back in his arms and looked at the syringe. “Just a little at a time.”
Conner studied her for a moment, then turned to the baby. “Swallow for me, little Ellie. Please don’t choke.”
Water dribbled from the baby’s mouth.
Conner watched the baby for a moment, then lifted his gaze to Kate’s. “I can’t do this by myself. Will you stay and help?”
How could she stay? Father needed her.
“Please?” Conner’s eyes filled with kindness and something she wasn’t able to identify. Was it determination or regret? Fear or warning?
She brought her attention back to the baby. She had to do what she could to ensure little Ellie lived. A baby’s life hung in the balance.
“I’ll stay until she’s doing better.” Father would have to get along without her for a few hours. After that? Conner would need to find someone to tend his baby, but he had lots of people to choose from—his sister and his sisters-in-law.
Conner smiled. “Thank you. This baby needs a family, but right now she needs more. She needs what you can give her.”
Family. The word caught at her heart. Why did it trouble her? She could think of no reason and dismissed the thought. It wasn’t like she longed for something more. Medical care was what she offered. It was the focus of her life.
She’d once thought things might be different. As an eager seventeen-year-old, she’d loved the attention given to her by Edward Sabin over a six-month period. Her eyes full of starry dreams, she’d told him of her plan to become a doctor. He’d said she would have to choose between him and her dreams because he didn’t intend to share her with every Tom, Dick and Harry, or even every Mary, Alice and Harriet.
She’d said it wasn’t that easy and told him of her promise to Grammie. Grammie, who had raised her since her birth parents died when Kate was four until her own death six years later, said she had the gift of healing and made her promise not to waste the gift. Besides, she liked taking care of people.
Edward had stopped calling, but he’d made her acknowledge the impossibility of trying to be both a doctor and a wife and mother. Her own childhood after the Bakers had adopted her provided further proof. How many times had her sleep been interrupted as she was taken next door so her parents could attend some medical need? How often had she missed a social event for the same reason? But in exchange, she’d learned much about caring for others.
Kate went to the kitchen. Grandfather sat outside on the veranda, rocking in the sun and watching the activities in the yard. She glimpsed one of the cowhands riding by the garden.
It was all so ordinary and peaceful. Unlike her own home, where every ordinary moment ended with a call for the doctor’s services, where there was often a flurry of activity as they faced a medical crisis. It was just her father and her now. Mother had died eight years ago when Kate was fourteen.
Kate was a willing, eager participant in dealing with the frequent illnesses, accidents and childbirths, but as she waited for the water to boil, she leaned on the windowsill, taking in the calm scene.
The kettle steamed and the moment passed. She prepared Ellie’s feeding and returned to the sitting room and drew to a halt at the sight before her. Conner leaned back on the couch, his mouth open as he snored softly. The poor man must have been up most of the night. Ellie slept peacefully on his chest. A beautiful picture of fatherly love and care.
It triggered an ache hidden deep within her heart. One she must deny.
This man had a daughter and thus belonged to another woman. Not that it mattered to her. She had plans that would take her away from here. But for today, she would enjoy the feeling of warmth that being with the Marshall family gave. She would enjoy caring for a baby who needed her.
Surely it was possible to do so without struggling with secret longings.
Wasn’t it?
Chapter Two
Conner snorted at the sound of someone clearing a throat, opened his eyes and looked up at Kate.
“I think I fell asleep.” He bent his head to check on Ellie. She slept. Her cheekbones pushed against her skin. Such a frail baby. His resolve tightened his chest. She needed him. He would do everything possible for her.
“It’s time to feed her again.” Kate leaned over him and gently shook Ellie to waken her. The baby’s eyelids came up slowly. Her pupils remained unfocused. She stared past Kate as if unaware of her.
He shifted the baby so Kate could feed her. But Ellie’s mouth hung slack and the liquid ran down her neck.
Kate’s face filled with purpose. “Did anything you tried last night get her attention?”
“She seemed to like to hear me sing.” Heat swept over his chest at how foolish he felt admitting it.
“Well, then, I suggest you sing to her.”
“No one but Ellie listened last night.” He could barely squeak the words out as embarrassment clogged his throat.
She chuckled. “I’ll assume she is a good judge of your singing ability. Now sing.”
“Can’t. My throat’s too dry.”
“I can fix that.” She hurried to the kitchen and returned with a glass of cold water. “Drink.”
Seemed she wasn’t prepared to accept any excuses from him. “You’re bossy. Did you know that?” It was his turn to chuckle as pink blossomed in her cheeks.
She gave a little toss of her head. “I’m simply speaking with authority. You did ask me to stay and help. I assumed you wanted my medical assistance.”
No mistaking the challenge in her voice.
“Your medical assistance, yes, of course.” He humbled his voice and did his best to look contrite.
“You sing to her and I’ll try to get more sugar water into her.”
He cleared his throat. “Sleep, my love, and peace attend thee. All through the night; Guardian angels God will lend thee, All through the night.” The first few notes caught in his throat and then he focused his eyes on Ellie at the words of the familiar lullaby.
Ellie blinked and brought her gaze to him.
“Excellent,” Kate whispered and leaned over Conner’s arm to ease the syringe between Ellie’s lips. The baby swallowed three times and then her eyes closed.
“Sleep is good, too,” Kate murmured, leaning back. “I think she likes your voice.”
He couldn’t stop himself from meeting Kate’s eyes. Warmth filled them and he allowed himself a little glow of victory. “Thelma hated my singing.” He hadn’t meant to say that. Certainly not aloud.
Kate’s eyes cooled considerably. “You’re referring to Ellie’s mother?”
“That’s right.” No need to say more.
“Do you mind me asking where she is?”
“’Fraid I can’t answer that.”
She waited.
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in over a year.”
“I see.”
Only, it was obvious she didn’t. But he wasn’t going to explain. Not until he figured out what Thelma was up to.
Kate pushed to her feet.
The side where she’d been sitting next to him on the couch grew instantly cold.
“How long before we wake her to feed her again?”
“Fifteen minutes. You hold her and rest. I don’t suppose you got much sleep last night.”
There she was, being bossy and authoritative again. Not that he truly minded. It was nice to know someone cared how tired he was and also knew how to deal with Ellie.
The fifteen minutes passed quickly and Kate wakened the baby.
“She’s weaker.” His voice cracked. “Wasn’t she supposed to be getting better by now?”
“It’s a fine balance between getting fluid into her and not overtaxing her strength.” She tried to get the baby to swallow, but her head lolled and her eyes had a distant unfocused look to them.
“Sing to her again,” Kate said. “It makes her more responsive.”
“I find it hard to believe you don’t beg me not to, but if it helps Ellie, I’ll do it.” He again sang the words of the lullaby.
The baby turned her eyes toward Conner. Kate leaned close to feed her some sugar water. Ellie swallowed without urging.
“My grandmother used to sing that to me,” Kate said.
Conner stopped. “I remember my ma singing it to Annie and then Mattie. I expect she sang it to me, but I don’t remember.” He thought of the number of times he’d heard her crooning to his little sister and his niece. Memories of his ma and her steadfast love almost choked him.
“I don’t recall my mother singing to me either, but then I was young when she passed away.”
The baby stopped swallowing as soon as Conner stopped singing. Kate pointed it out to him and he turned back to Ellie and sang again the same lullaby. Only, he added his own words to the tune. “Didn’t I hear that your mother died when you were fourteen? Did I misunderstand?” he asked Kate in a singsongy voice. He was curious about this woman and wanted to know more about her.
* * *
She didn’t normally talk to patients or their parents about herself, but she rather found she wanted to tell him about her parents.
“My birth parents died from a fever when I was four. I went to live with my Grammie, but she wasn’t well. Dr. and Mrs. Baker cared for her until she died when I was ten. She asked them to adopt me and they did. Grammie said I had a gift for healing and helping and wanted the Bakers to help me follow that path.” Why had she said that? He surely wasn’t interested in why she’d chosen this goal. “Mother died four years later. It’s just been me and Father since.”
He squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry.”
The knot in her chest disappeared at the comfort of his warm palm.
He shifted his attention back to the baby, removing his hand from Kate’s for her to squeeze out a drop of sugar water.
“So you’re following your grandmother’s and your parents’ dreams.”
“Their dreams? No, I’m following my dream.”
He nodded, though she couldn’t say if he was satisfied with her answer or not. Nor did it matter. She knew what she must do. What she wanted to do.
“You’re an only child?” he asked.
“I am.” Why did the answer trouble her? It wasn’t as if she’d minded having no siblings.
“Were you ever lonely?”
“My mother often accompanied my father as his assistant. When I was younger, I was left with the Bramfords next door. There were eight children in their family. Two girls about my age. Younger brothers and sisters and an older brother and sister. I was not lonely at their place.” She told him more of the big, rambunctious family.
“There wasn’t time for games or parties at our house. Most of my parents’ time and activities involved taking care of the sick and injured and reading the latest medical journals.”
Conner’s expression grew serious.
Kate realized he might have misunderstood the way she described her parents. “I loved being involved with their work.”
“I can’t imagine being an only child,” Conner said. “When we moved out here, my brothers and sister were my only playmates and companions. When Ma died, we helped each other through it. We’ve been through a lot—the death of Mattie’s ma and—” He broke off.
She wondered if he’d been about to mention Thelma, but he did not continue.
Instead, he turned back to Ellie, singing a familiar hymn.
Kate slowly brought her gaze to his. Her head was only inches from him. She could make out the flecks of silver in his blue eyes. She could see his pupils narrow. Could hear the sharp intake of his breath.
She forced her gaze to shift and concentrated on the baby. “Were her dreams more important than giving Ellie a home?”
She couldn’t imagine letting a child of hers out of her sight. How many times had she watched her mother and father leave on a medical call and felt so alone? Even when she was surrounded by the large family next door, whom she stayed with in their absence. It was the reason she had made the decision not to try to combine being a doctor with being a wife and mother. That, and realizing that men weren’t willing to share her. After Edward, other men had as quickly stopped calling on her when they learned of her plans. She agreed with their evaluation. She knew it was fooling herself to think she could be a wife, a mother and also a doctor.
Conner’s singing stopped and his voice flattened as he answered her question. “It would appear Thelma’s dreams were more important than caring for Ellie, though for all I know she has married someone else.”
“Then why...?” She broke off. If Thelma had married before the baby was born, her husband would be the legal father of the child, even if Ellie was Conner’s offspring. It was not—she reminded herself—her business.
“Then why would she send the baby to me?” He shrugged. “That’s something I aim to find out.”
The baby had stopped eating and her eyes had closed.
Kate sat back on the chair that she’d dragged next to the couch. “She did well this time.”
“You sound hopeful.”
“I am. Why don’t I take her and you can take a break? Maybe get a drink, stretch your legs.”
He hesitated as if he didn’t want to leave the baby. She understood his concern. Ellie was so fragile. “I’ll watch her carefully.”
Conner nodded and she lifted the baby from his warm arms, wrapped the blankets about her and cuddled her close. The feel of a baby in her arms tugged at her lonely heart. If only she could believe she could follow her dream and enjoy a family.
But she knew the cost would be too high both for her children and herself. To leave them to tend others... She shook her head, ignoring the ache behind her eyes.
She must stick to her convictions.
* * *
“I need to take care of my horses.” Conner bolted for the door. He had chores to do. But more than that, he needed to get outside where he could think.
Yesterday, he’d been breaking horses and making plans to sell them to the right owners, making money to buy more animals. Soon, he hoped to be the best horse dealer in the country. That would make him a valuable part of the Marshall Five Ranch. Not, he argued with himself, that he wasn’t now. But it would make him more important. Able to contribute more.
How had he gone from there yesterday to here today, holding a tiny baby in his arms and neglecting his horses?
And watching Kate hold Ellie and croon over her. Kate’s brown hair was almost a match for Ellie’s. They had similar brown eyes. They could have passed for mother and child. The thought made him break his stride. He knew of her plans to be a doctor. Did becoming a wife and mother fit into those plans? Not that it mattered to him one way or the other.
He yanked off his hat and rubbed his head. How had things gotten so mixed up? Had Thelma married? If so, why had she sent the baby to him? And why was the little one doing so poorly? They needed to find her and get some answers from her. He’d send a message to his friend Sheriff Jesse Hill as soon as he could. How long would it take for Jesse to locate her?
He fed and watered the horses, then walked around them one at a time. Two were already spoken for and he’d promised they’d be ready within the week. It didn’t appear that would happen now if he was stuck inside looking after the baby. When would his sister and sisters-in-law return? He was counting on them to take over Ellie’s care. Though he was most grateful for Kate’s expertise at the moment.
Thinking of Kate brought his thoughts back to his newfound responsibility. He jerked to a halt and stared toward the house. Was everything okay? He bolted from the pen and crossed the yard in double time, clattered across the kitchen and dining room to grind to a halt in the doorway to the sitting room.
Kate held the baby, stroking her pale cheek and murmuring to her. She glanced up at Conner’s noisy entrance and smiled. Something in his heart tipped a little to the side and remained so for several seconds. Then things righted and he entered the room.
“How is she?”
“Taking a few drops at a time.”
“That’s all?” He settled by her side and pressed his hands to the baby. “I wish we could do more.”
“I’m doing all I know to do.”
“I couldn’t manage without you.” Her face was inches from his. Conner watched a play of emotions in Kate’s eyes and longed to be able to read them. Then her gaze dropped to Ellie. She caught the little hand and rubbed it. She looked at him again, her eyes full of determination.
“I will do everything in my power to see this little one grow strong.”
He had made the same vow and felt as if he and Kate stepped across some invisible threshold, united in heart and purpose.
He was not alone in fighting for this baby and found immense comfort in the thought. He couldn’t think of the little one not getting better. Even though she wasn’t his, his heart had laid claim to her.
Kate hummed as she tried to feed the baby, but Ellie pressed her lips together and turned away.
“Give her to me,” Conner said. His voice was rough, but he couldn’t help it. Ellie needed to drink. When Kate shifted the baby into his arms, he cradled the little bundle to his chest.
“It’s like she has almost given up trying.” Her eyes filled with regret. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You haven’t told me anything I can’t see on my own. Have you seen this before?” He meant, did people give up the desire to live?
“Only in discouraged and ill adults.” Her voice broke and she turned away. With a choked sound, she hurried to the window to stare out. Her shoulders heaved.
Was she crying? Fighting her fears? He couldn’t say, but he wanted to ease her obvious strain. “Come here.” He kept his voice soft even though his insides felt as if they’d been sliced with a thousand dull blades.
She didn’t move. “Give me a moment.” She sucked in air.
He waited.
Slowly she turned. Her face a careful mask as if she had pushed all her feelings behind a wall. She crossed to the couch.
“Sit down.” He indicated the chair at his side and she sat. “Give me your hand.”
She hesitated, then put her hand in his.
He brought it to the baby and placed it over the tiny chest and covered her hand with his. “Feel that?”
“It’s her heart beating.”
“Yes. You said the outcome is in God’s hands.”
She nodded.
“Then we will pray for His healing.” He bowed his head and prayed. “God, You love Ellie. You have a plan and a purpose for her life. She’s so young. So needy. We’re doing all we can to help her. But only You can heal her. We humbly ask that You would see fit to touch her little body and make her strong.” He paused, wanting so much more, answers to questions about Thelma, a caring home, loving parents for the baby, but he could say none of those aloud. He simply had to trust God for all of it. “Amen.”
“Amen,” Kate echoed.
Conner expected she would pull away, but she stayed as they were, their heads almost touching, their hands on Ellie’s chest feeling her heart beat and the rise and fall of her breathing. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For reminding me that it’s in God’s hands, not mine.”
The afternoon became a continual round of waking, feeding and hovering over the baby. But each time the baby took a little more.
“It’s good, isn’t it?” He was ready to rejoice.
“Yes, it’s very good. Maybe she’ll take some milk now.” She hurried to the kitchen to prepare it.
Conner leaned back, shifting the baby so they were face-to-face. Ellie’s eyes met his. “Who are you, little one? Why are you here? Where’s your mother? I need to find her, don’t I? Did she forget to take care of you? Is that why you’re so weak? Or have you been sick?” So many questions. “And you aren’t giving me any of the answers, are you?”
The sound of approaching footsteps warned him of Kate’s return and he stopped questioning the baby and chuckled at the silliness of doing so.
Ellie’s eyes widened at his laugh.
Kate pressed to his side so she could feed the baby. She eased the rubber nipple into the tiny mouth. Ellie gagged but then closed her mouth about the contraption and sucked. Her eyes widened as she tasted the milk. She drank eagerly for a moment or two.
Kate leaned over them both and Conner was so full of gratitude over the improvement that he wrapped his arm about her shoulders and drew her against his chest, next to the baby. His heart felt ready to burst.
She stiffened and pulled away, sat upright in the chair by the couch, folded her hands in her lap and studied him with a solemn expression.
“Forgive me. I was rejoicing over her improvement.”
Kate nodded. “Of course.”
He reached for her hands and clasped them to his chest. “We’re doing all we can, aren’t we?”
She curled her fingers into the fabric of his shirt. “I believe so.”
He understood then that the baby was still not out of the woods.
Chapter Three
She should not have revealed her worry about the baby. A doctor or nurse did not frighten family members with either words or expressions, but she could not put a serene mask over her features. All she could do was cling to the fact Ellie was improving.