British Bachelors: Gorgeous and Impossible: My Greek Island Fling / Back in the Lion's Den / We'll Always Have Paris
He dived into his trouser pocket and pulled out a state-of-the-art smartphone which made Lexi drool with envy. His fingers moved swiftly over the keyboard and a few seconds later he scooted his chair closer to hers so that she could watch the surprisingly clear images come alive on the small screen.
His body was pressed tight against hers all along one side of her capri pants and sleeveless top, and at another time and another place she would have called it a cuddle. He was so close that she could feel the golden hairs on his tanned arms against her bare skin, the heat of his breath on her neck, and the smell of his expensive designer cologne filled her head.
The overall effect was so giddying that it took her a moment to realise that he was looking at the phone rather than her, and she forced her eyes to focus on the video playing on the screen.
It was Mark. Playing with two of the cutest little boys on a sandy beach. They were making sandcastles and Mark, dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, was helping the youngest to tap the sand into his bucket with great gusto while his brother danced around with a long piece of seaweed. All three of them were laughing their heads off, and seemed to be singing silly, glorious nursery rhymes. Pure childish joy and delight beamed out from the brightly coloured images in front of her. They looked so happy.
Mark with his nephews. Caught in the moment. Living. Showing his love in every single laugh and smile and hug.
She glanced up at this man whose face was only inches away from hers. He was the real deal. He had taken time out from his international business to go to the beach with his nephews and simply enjoy them.
Her heart broke all over again.
Only this time it was not for Mark. It was for herself.
When had she ever done that? When had she made the effort to spend time with her mother’s soon-to-be step-grandchildren or her friends’ children? Or her neighbours? She hadn’t. She’d chosen a job where the only children she met belonged to her clients—that way she could share their family life second-hand.
The truth of the life she had created for herself jumped out from that simple holiday video that Mark kept on his phone because he loved those boys so very much and it slapped her across the face. Hard.
She’d told herself that she wasn’t ready to adopt a child as a single mum, after seeing what her mother had gone through, but the truth was simpler than that.
She was a fraud. And a liar. And a coward.
She was too scared to do it alone. Too scared to take the risk.
And here she was, trying to tell Mark Belmont how to live his life, when he was already way ahead of her in every way. He had chosen to fill his life with real children who loved him right back. Damn right.
‘I think the best thing is probably to trawl the shops and throw myself on the mercy of the lovely ladies who work there.’ Mark smiled, totally unaware of the turmoil roiling inside her head and her heart.
And she looked into those eyes, brimming with contentment and love for those two little boys, and thought how easy it would be just to move a couple of inches closer and kiss him the way he had kissed her under the stars. And keep kissing him to block out the hard reality of her empty life.
Bad idea. Seriously bad idea.
She could never give him, or any man, the children he wanted. And nothing she could do was going to change that.
Suddenly it was all too much. She needed to have some space from Mark. And fast.
‘Great idea,’ she gushed. ‘I think I’ll take a walk and meet you back here.’
Throwing her new sandals into her bag, Lexi stood up and, with one quick wave, took off down the stone wall of the harbour towards the port before Mark had a chance to reply.
White-painted wooden fishing boats with women’s names lined the harbour between the marina and the commercial port, and Lexi forced herself to try and relax as she sat down on a wooden bench under the shade of a plane tree and looked out across the inlet to the open water between Paxos and Corfu.
The hydrofoil was moored at the dock and had just started loading passengers. For one split-second Lexi thought about running back to Corfu so she wouldn’t have to face Mark again. All she had to do was buy a ticket and she could be on her way before he even knew she was gone.
Leaving Mark and his life and Crystal Leighton’s biography and everything that came with it behind her.
Stupid, self-deluded girl. Lexi sniffed and reached for a tissue.
Other passengers had started to mill about. A taxi pulled up and a gaggle of suntanned tourists emerged, loaded down with holiday luggage, laughing and happy and enjoying their last few minutes on Paxos. Local people, children, workers, a few businessmen in suits. Just normal people going about their normal business.
And she had never felt lonelier in her life.
A stunning sailing yacht with a broad white sail drifted across the inlet on the way into the long safe harbour at Gaios, and Lexi watched as it effortlessly glided through the water.
She was simply overtired, that was all. Too many sleepless nights and tiring days. She would be fine once this assignment was finished and she was back in London with her mother.
And what then?
Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. Her mother had found a lovely man who was almost good enough for her. And even better, he had given her the grandchildren—his grandchildren—that she longed for, whom she already worshipped and spoilt terribly.
So where did that leave Lexi?
Alone. Directionless. Existing rather than living. Filling her life with frenetic activity and people and places and travel. On the surface it looked exciting—a perfect job for any single girl.
How had she become the very thing that she despised?
A parasite, living her life through second-hand experiences, listening to lovely people like Mark talk about their families, sharing their experiences because she was too pathetic and cowardly to have her own love affairs, her own family.
The people on that boat were free to go where they wanted. Moor up anywhere, take off when they wanted. And she felt trapped. No matter how far she travelled, or whatever she had achieved in her life, she simply could not escape the fact that she was childless and would probably be so for the rest of her life.
So why had she not done something to change that fact instead of blocking it out? When had she turned her back on her dreams and thrown them into the ‘too hard to deal with’ box?
She had talked to her mother about giving up full-time work and writing her own stories, but it had always seemed like a dream.
Well, the time for dreaming was over. She had her own home and could work part-time in London to pay the bills. Surely there was some publisher who’d like to work on her children’s books? It would probably take years to be a financial success, but she could do it. If she was brave enough.
Couldn’t she?
Lexi was so distracted by the yacht as it sailed past that when her cell phone rang she picked it up immediately, without even bothering to check the caller identity.
‘Lexi? Is that you? Thank goodness. I’m so pleased to have caught up with you.’
Great. Just when she thought things couldn’t get any worse. It was the talent agency. Probably checking up on her to make sure that the project was on track.
‘You’re not going to believe who we have lined up for your next writing assignment, Lexi. Think America’s favourite grandmother and cookery writer. It’s the most amazing opportunity, but we do need to get you out to Texas on Sunday, so you can interview all of the darling children who are staying at the ranch. Of course it’ll be first class all the way and … Lexi? Are you there? Hello?’
Mark flicked down the prop stand on his scooter, whipped off his crash helmet and looked out across the road towards the hydrofoil, then breathed a huge sigh of relief
Standing on the edge of the pier, on the harbour wall, was Lexi Sloane.
And as he watched Lexi drew back her arm and threw her purple telephone with all her might over her head and into the air.
She simply stood there, panting with exertion and the heat and horror as her precious link to the outside world, her business contacts, her lifeline to business that never left her side, made a graceful arc into the sea.
It hit the waves with a slight splosh and was gone.
Well, that was interesting.
Lexi hardly noticed that someone had come to sit next to her on the bench until he stretched out his legs and she saw the sharp crease on his smart navy trousers, and the black crash helmet cradled on his knee.
‘Hi,’ she said.
‘Hello,’ Mark replied. ‘I didn’t have much luck in the shops so I thought I’d join you, instead. Much more entertaining.’
They sat in silence, watching the hydrofoil crew help passengers onto the deck.
Lexi lifted her head and frowned, as though she had just woken up from a deep sleep.
‘Did I just throw my phone into the sea?’
‘Yes. I watched you do it from the car park. For a casual overarm technique it made a very nice curve for the few seconds it was airborne. Have you ever thought of playing cricket? Not much of a splash, though.’
‘Oh. I was hoping I had imagined that bit. No chance I could get it back, I suppose?’
‘Sorry. Your phone is probably covered by about thirty feet of salt water by now.’
‘Right. Thirty feet.’
Mark sidled up to her on the bench. ‘When I take an awkward call I often find it better to wait a few moments before replying. How about you?’
She shook her head. ‘You see what people do to me? They make my head spin so fast that I throw my phone, that I need for my job and has all my numbers, into the sea.’ She gesticulated towards the open water. ‘There’s probably a law against polluting the Mediterranean with small electrical items. Perhaps you could direct me to the local police station? Because I have to tell you, handing myself in and spending some time in solitary confinement sounds pretty good to me right now.’
She swallowed hard but no more words would form through the pain in her throat.
‘Attractive though that option might sound, I have an alternative suggestion. I have a spare phone and a number of spare bedrooms which you are welcome to use any time you like. And I still owe you dessert. If you are available?’
‘Available? Oh, yes, I am available. I’m always ready to step in at a moment’s notice when they can’t find anyone else. Why not? After all, I don’t have a life.’
‘Don’t say that. You know it isn’t true.’
‘Do I? Then why is it that I choose to live through other people’s experiences of a happy family life, and other women’s children? No, Mark, I do it because I want to forget for just those few days that I am never going to have children of my own. But it’s crushing me. It is totally crushing me.’
And then lovely Lexi, totally in control as ever, burst into hysterical tears.
CHAPTER NINE
LEXI sat back on the sofa with her eyes closed. The patio doors were wide open and a gentle breeze cooled the hot air. It was evening now, and the only sounds were the soft hum of the air-conditioning unit on the wall, the cicadas in the olive grove and somewhere in the village some chickens being put away for the night.
The gentle glug of wine being poured into a crystal goblet filtered through Lexi’s hazed senses, and she opened her eyes just in time to see Mark smiling at her.
‘Feeling better now?’
She nodded. ‘Almost human.’
And she meant it. She’d enjoyed a luxurious bath, with some amazingly expensive products Mark’s sister had left behind from her last visit, and was now being cosseted and pampered by a handsome man.
The day was turning out a lot better than she had expected.
‘I’m sorry about what happened at the harbour earlier, Mark. I don’t usually burst into tears. But do you remember we’d been talking about how your mum had given up her career for a few years when you were small? So that she could take you to school in the morning and take you to see your friends and make cakes for your birthday parties?’
‘Yes, of course. We loved it.’
‘Well, sitting on that harbour this afternoon it hit me out of the blue that somewhere deep inside my head I know I’m never going to have that life—and like a fool I’ve been living through other people’s stories.’
‘What do you mean other people? You have a perfectly good life of your own.’
‘Do I? All those celebrities I work with? I’ve been making a life for myself through their love affairs, their pregnancies, their children, their families—the good and bad and all the joy that comes with being a parent. That’s what hurts. I’ve been using their lives as some sort of replacement for the family I’ll never have—for the children I’ll never meet. And that’s not just sad, it’s pathetic. Wake-up call. Huge. Cue tears.’
Her voice faded away and she tried to give Mark a smile as he kissed her on the forehead and pressed his chin into her hair.
‘I think you would make a wonderful mother.’
Lexi squeezed her lips together and shrugged her shoulder. ‘That’s not going to happen Mark. That illness I was telling you about? I was diagnosed with leukaemia two months after my tenth birthday.’
Mark inhaled sharply, and his body seemed to freeze into position next to her on the sofa but he said nothing.
‘I know. Not good. But I was lucky. I lived in central London and had a very quick diagnosis and treatment at one of the best children’s hospitals in the world. I was in hospital for what seemed like forever. It was … painful and difficult to endure. My mum was there every day, and my dad phoned me now and then, but I knew he would never come.’
Her head dropped onto her chest and she twiddled the ring on her right hand. She paused and took a moment to compose herself before going on, and to his credit, Mark didn’t interrupt her but gently stroked the back of her hand, as if reassuring her that he was there and ready to listen to anything she had to tell him.
‘The day I was due to be discharged from hospital I remember being so excited. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to see my own home again, and my own room with all my things in it. Best of all, my dad was there. Waiting at the front door. With his suitcases. For a few precious moments I thought we were going on holiday somewhere warm, so I could get better. And then he closed the door, and he wouldn’t let me hug him or kiss him because he said I was still getting better and he had a cold. Then he turned to my mother and told her that he had met someone on location in Mexico and had decided to make a fresh start with this girl and her daughter. He picked up his suitcases, opened the door, walked down the path to a huge black limousine and jumped inside.’
Her brows twisted and she had difficulty continuing. ‘I couldn’t walk very fast, and my mother … She was running after the limo, screaming his name over and over. Telling him to stop, begging him to come back. But the car didn’t stop. It went faster and faster. When I caught up with her she was kneeling in the road, watching the car speed round the corner, taking my dad away from us.’
Bitter hot tears pricked the corners of her eyes and Lexi blinked them away.
Mark sat next to her on the sofa and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. ‘You don’t have to talk about it.’
‘Yes, I do,’ she answered. ‘Because the past never goes away. There’s always something there to remind you, and just when you think you’re on a happy track and can forget about it and move on—smack! There it is again. Staring you in the face.’
‘How did you ever get over that betrayal?’
‘Oh, Mark. You never get over it. My mother taught me to focus on the best memories we had as a family. But she never really understood why I felt so guilty, and that guilt consumed me for years. Until I saw what he was really like.’
‘You felt guilty? I don’t understand why the ten-year-old Lexi would feel guilty about her father leaving.’
‘Can’t you see? I was the one who got the cancer. I was the one who forced my dad to have an affair with a beautiful actress on a movie set because it was too upsetting and painful for him to come back and deal with my illness and pain. I was the one who drove him to find another daughter who was prettier than me and healthier and cleverer and more talented and …’
Her voice gave way, unable to sustain the emotion any more.
‘Parents aren’t supposed to abandon their children,’ Mark whispered. ‘Sometimes I regret going to university in America. I loved being with my friends in a wonderful country where the world seemed open and full of opportunities to explore and to do business. I just forgot that my family needed me back in England. I could never have imagined that one day my mother wouldn’t be there at the airport to take me home. We missed so many weekends and holidays together.’
‘Young people leave home and follow their hearts and careers. Your mother knew that. Her little boy had grown up, with his own life to lead. She must have been so proud of you and what you’ve achieved.’ Her voice faltered and she stroked his face with her fingertip as she went on. ‘We’re so very similar in many ways. We’re both survivors. I came through cancer. I watched my mother going through torment as my father cheated on us both, then struggle to balance life as a single working mother with a sickly child.’
‘Is she happy now?’
Lexi nodded. ‘Very. She’s taking a chance and getting married again. Brave woman!’ She grinned at Mark. ‘I think that’s why finding out Adam cheated on me was so hard. In the past I could have laughed it off. Joked that it was his loss. But somehow this time it really did feel as though I was the one who’d lost out. He didn’t have the courage to tell me what the real problem was. Apparently he wanted children after all.’
‘Had you spoken to him about children?’
‘Of course. That was why I was in the hospital. Having tests to find out if there was anything I could do to improve my chances. I do have more options than I ever thought possible, but they made it clear that the treatments are very gruelling and there’s no guarantee of success.’
‘So it didn’t bother him that you couldn’t have his children?’
Lexi turned and looked at Mark. There had been a touch of coldness in his voice.
‘He said he would be happy to adopt at some point, but it was never going to happen. Adam was doing loads of location work, and I was travelling more and more. These past few months we hardly saw each other.’
‘I’m sorry that it didn’t work out. It’s hard on you. So very hard.’
‘Perhaps that’s why I want to write children’s stories—I can make up a happy ending and send a child to sleep knowing that all is well with the world and they are safe and happy, with loving parents who care for them. Maybe all of the love I have will filter through to those children I’ll never get to meet or hug through my words on the page.’
Lexi swallowed down her anguish and looked into his eyes.
Fatal mistake.
It meant she was powerless to resist when Mark shifted closer to her and reached up to hold her face in his hands, gently caressing her skin, his eyes locked on to hers.
And then he tilted his head to kiss her.
His full mouth moved in delicious slow curves against hers, and she closed her eyes to luxuriate in the tender kiss of this warm, gentle man she’d soon have to say goodbye to.
She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back, pressing hotter and deeper against his mouth, the pace of her breathing almost matching his. It was a physical wrench when his lips left hers and she gasped a breath of air to cool the heat that threatened to overwhelm her.
‘I was hoping there was another very good reason why you might want to stay on Paxos instead of heading back to London so soon,’ he whispered in her ear, before his lips started moving down towards her throat, nuzzling the little space under her ear.
At which point the sensible part of her brain admitted defeat and decided to have some fun, instead.
‘You mean apart from the excellent accommodation and room service?’ She batted her eyelashes.
‘Absolutely,’ he replied with a grin. ‘I’m talking about the full package of optional extras here.’ He tapped her twice on the end of her nose and lowered his voice. ‘I don’t have to go back for a few days. And there’s nowhere else I would rather be than right here with you. Take a chance, Lexi. Stay. Let me get to know you better. Who knows? You might like me back.’
He shifted slightly and looked away. ‘Besides, the cats would miss you terribly if you left now. They’re waiting to—’
Lexi silenced him with one fingertip pressed against his lips.
‘It’s okay. You had me at the word cats.’
Lexi turned over and tried to find a comfy position. Only something solid and man-shaped was in the way. She cracked one eye open, then smiled with deep satisfaction.
Warm morning sunlight was flooding into the living room and reflecting back from the cream-coloured walls in a golden glow that made everything seem light and fresh.
It had not been a dream.
She really had just spent the night on the sofa with Mark Belmont.
At some point Mark had suggested going into the bedroom, but that would have destroyed this precious connection, which was so special and unique. She didn’t need to take her clothes off and jump on him to show how much she cared.
Lexi snuggled into the warmth of his chest, and Mark’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and drew her closer into his body.
Lexi’s hand pressed against the long tantalising strip of bare chest she’d created by unbuttoning his shirt in the night. She closed her eyes and moved her forehead against the soft fabric of the shirt, inhaling its fragrance. It was musky, deep and sensuous, and totally, totally unique to this remarkable man.
‘I have a question,’ she murmured, her eyes closed.
A deep chuckle came from inside Mark’s chest, and Lexi could feel the vibrations of his voice under her fingertips. It was weird that such a simple sensation made her heart sing with delight at the fact that she could be here, in this moment, enjoying this connection. No matter how fleeting or temporary it might be this was very special, and she knew that Mark felt the same.
‘Out with it,’ he growled, ‘but it had better be important to disturb my beauty sleep at this hour of the morning.’
‘Indeed,’ she replied, trying not to give him the satisfaction of a grin. But it was too hard to resist, and she slid out of his arms and propped herself up on her elbow to look at Mark’s face.
‘Do you know that you have two grey hairs on your chest?’ she asked in a semi-serious voice. ‘And one just here.’ Her forefinger stroked down the side of Mark’s chin against the soft stubble, then tapped very gently at the offending hair.
‘Are you offering a personal grooming service?’ He smiled.
‘Oh, if required a freelance writer should be ready to carry out any duties necessary to complete a task. No matter how odd or dangerous or icky the task.’
‘I had no idea,’ he said gravely, ‘of the horror you must face on a daily basis.’
‘Explorers going out into the unknown,’ Lexi replied, her left hand making a sweep of the room. ‘Armed only with a designer wardrobe and a make-up bag. Not for the faint-hearted. And that’s just the boys.’
She lowered her head and rubbed her nose against his. ‘It is, of course, essential that a writer should investigate local customs, which must be observed wherever possible,’ she whispered in a low, sensual voice as her lips made circles around his mouth. ‘So important. Don’t you think?’
‘Absolutely,’ he replied, his mouth moving down the side of her neck.