My Babies and Me

“I’m going to have a baby, Michael.” Letter to Reader Title Page Dedication CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER TWO CHAPTER THREE CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FIVE CHAPTER SIX CHAPTER SEVEN CHAPTER EIGHT CHAPTER NINE CHAPTER TEN CHAPTER ELEVEN CHAPTER TWELVE CHAPTER THIRTEEN CHAPTER FOURTEEN CHAPTER FIFTEEN CHAPTER SIXTEEN CHAPTER SEVENTEEN CHAPTER EIGHTEEN EPILOGUE Copyright

“I’m going to have a baby, Michael.”

“What did you say?”

She lay there, gazing up at him, the oddest expression on her face. “I’m going to have a baby.”

“You... are.” He couldn’t, for the moment, think of anything more intelligent to say.

Still wearing that odd expression, Susan nodded.

“Who is he? The baby’s father.”

“I don’t know yet.”

Whirling, he faced her. There’d been more than one man? “Well, when are you going to find out?”

“I’m not sure.” She paused. “You’re angry, aren’t you?”

“Okay, yeah, I’m angry. I’m angry as hell at the irresponsibility of whatever man did this to you.”

She frowned. “Did what to me?”

Michael swore, out of all patience. “Got you pregnant, of course.”

Susan laughed. Shocking him. “In the first place, Michael, a man can’t get me pregnant all by himself. And in the second, I’m not pregnant—yet. And in the third place, I haven’t slept with anyone but you in my entire life.”

Dear Reader,

I’m delighted to bring you this BY THE YEAR 2000 story. Though I’m still in my thirties and have a thirteen-year-old daughter, I relate so much to Susan and her dilemma. A woman’s independence is a precious thing—something not easily won or sustained, yet essential to her becoming the person she was meant to be. The trick, of course, is to find the independence and then learn how to be interdependent without losing anything. Because just as never finding independence is only half living, living only with independence is not experiencing life to the fullest, either. Like many women, I teeter on this line often as I struggle to be a mother, a wife, a friend, a writer.

But Susan showed me how it’s done. I believe in her. And, like Susan, I believe we can have it all if we’re determined enough, work hard enough—and remember not to take ourselves so seriously all the time.

I wish every one of you a new century of happy lives and happy relationship.

Tara Taylor Quinn

P.S. I love to hear from readers. You can reach me at P.O.

Box 15065, Scottsdale, Arizona 85267-5065 or on-line at

http://www.inficad.com/~ttquinn.

My Babies and Me

Tara Taylor Quinn

www.millsandboon.co.uk

For Deanna Reames and David Reames.

A woman couldn’t ask for better in-laws.

CHAPTER ONE

WILL YOU have my baby?

No. Susan Kennedy shook her head, her layered shoulder-length hair tickling her neck and cheeks. That wasn’t quite the line she wanted.

Can I have your baby?

Nope. She dusted the buttons on the telephone with one long slim finger. Misleading. Her ability to have a baby wasn’t in question.

So how about May I have your baby?

She toyed with that one, actually dialed Chicago’s area code before disconnecting this time. Her goal wasn’t to ask his permission but to request his participation in the most monumental event of her life. At the same time she had to make it clear—abundantly, in-your-face clear—that she was asking nothing from him.

Other than the initial ten-minute participation. Grinning, Susan amended that last thought. There was no way any physical shenanigans between her and Michael would take less than an hour. They did sex very well.

Which probably meant she was asking for more like two hours of his time. Michael always claimed Susan had a way of making everything seem easier than it really was. Shorter than it was. Less expensive than it was. When she’d budgeted one thousand dollars for their trip to the Poconos, he’d counted on two.

Damn thing was, she’d somehow managed to run through every dime of the two-thousand dollars, just as he’d predicted. And Michael, being Michael, had never said a word.

Stupid, smug man.

Stupid enough to father her child? In spite of the fact that they’d been divorced almost as long as they’d been married?

He had to. Period. No other option was acceptable.

So how did she convince him of that?

How about Would you lend me a sperm? That didn’t sound like too much to ask. And “lend” seemed so harmless, so...not-permanent.

But she wasn’t planning on giving it back.

All the more reason to call him today. Because “lend” wasn’t what she wanted at all. She wanted him to give it to her, willingly and for keeps, and as Michael always gave her wonderful gifts for her birthday...

January 21. Her birthday. She glanced at the office around her, the plaques on her walls, the windows overlooking the icy Ohio River, Cincinnati, Ohio and Louisville, Kentucky all at once. Sinking into the soft leather of the high-backed maroon chair, she sighed and hung up the phone. Gloomy suddenly, she reached down to pet the red setter snoring on the floor at her feet. She couldn’t believe she was actually thirty-nine years old. For a person who’d always loved birthdays, she was doing a damn good imitation of hating this one.

Someone dropped a coffee cup in the hall. Hearing it break, Susan hoped it had been empty. Annie, the setter who made her way to Susan’s office every morning, didn’t even budge at the noise. The dog was getting old, too, nearly thirteen. Susan’s soul mate.

She didn’t kid herself, though. In spite of the fact that Susan had known Annie since puppyhood, the dog didn’t come to her every morning out of some incredible bonding experience they’d shared. No, Annie just preferred Susan’s soft carpet to the cold but beautiful ceramic tile that covered the other floors of Halliday’s. It was one of the largest, privately owned sporting goods supply companies in the world.

Susan jumped as the phone rang, echoing in her bright, luxurious, tomblike office.

“Hello?” She grabbed it after the first ring, eager for distraction, praying it wasn’t Michael calling to wish her a happy birthday. She wasn’t ready to speak with her ex-husband. Not yet.

“Hey, old woman, how about lunch?”

“Seth?” Holding the phone away from her ear, Susan grinned. “You in town?”

“Haven’t missed a birthday yet, have I?”

“Well...” Susan used her best corporate attorney’s voice to disguise how thrilled she was that he’d made it back. “I seem to recall there were those first two...”

Seth snorted. “Before I was born doesn’t count.”

Annie rose slowly and lumbered out to the hall, and as loneliness invaded the room, Susan’s spirits plummeted again. “Lunch would be good. Can you go now?” she asked.

“At 9:30 in the morning?” Seth laughed, then stopped abruptly. “Something wrong?”

“Nope. Just don’t feel like working today.” Which was something wrong.

“I’ve got one call to make, and I’ll be there,” Seth promised immediately.

“Thanks.” Tears in her eyes, Susan hung up the phone. As much of a pain as it had been growing up the only girl with five brothers, Susan was glad she had Seth. He was two years younger, the brother who came directly after her. She’d picked on him all the years they’d lived at home. She’d known she could get away with tormenting him. After all, Susan was the girl, the princess. And while she wasn’t allowed to do any of the fun things they did—like go to the batting cages or play catch or go golfing—the boys were all under strict orders not to bully her. So she’d bullied Seth relentlessly. Even when he’d topped her by a foot and forty pounds.

She wasn’t sure just when she’d started leaning on him instead.

“THANKS FOR meeting with me, Michael.” James Coppel, of Coppel Industries, offered Michael Kennedy his hand.

“I’m happy to be here, sir,” Michael shook his hand before taking a seat in Coppel’s penthouse office suite. He’d just flown in from Chicago.

Although he was careful to do it covertly, Michael took in the opulence around him, his heart rate quickening. Susan should see this, was his first thought. Only his ex-wife could understand the importance of his being there, in that affluent Georgia office suite. Only she would know what it meant to him. He caught a glimpse of himself in an ornate, gold-framed mirror that took up most of the opposite wall and was surprised by his reflection. Well-groomed, dark-haired, he looked...at ease. As if he belonged there.

“Would you like some coffee?” Coppel asked, relaxing in his chair as he surveyed Michael. The man’s hair might have grayed, his skin wrinkled, but he’d lost not an inch of his imposing six-foot height in the seven years Michael had known him.

“Certainly,” Michael replied. He wasn’t a coffee drinker, didn’t like what the stuff did to his stomach, but he’d been in business long enough to know that he had to appear as relaxed as his boss.

Though close to seventy, Coppel was a legend. A genius. The man had never missed a beat in the forty years since he’d purchased his first exterminating franchise. He’d built an empire that had interests in just about every industry in the country. Other than film. Coppel had even been smart enough to stay out of Hollywood.

If Michael had ever allowed himself an idol, Coppel would have been it.

The coffee was delivered and with one polished wing tip resting on a suited knee, Michael sat back to calmly sip the dreadful stuff.

“How old are you, boy?”

“Thirty-nine.” Legally, Coppel had no right to ask that kind of question, and .they both knew it.

“And you’ve been with Smythe and Westbourne for how long?”

Michael would bet every dime of the half million he’d saved over the past seven years that Coppel knew exactly how long Michael had been with the Coppel Industries’ investment firm. To the day.

“Seven years.”

“And in that time you’ve gone from director of finance of one branch to financial director of the entire operation, showing a three hundred percent increase over the past two years.”

“Yes, sir.” Michael was damn proud of those figures. They’d cost him. A lot.

“Mind telling me your secret?”

Michael knew he’d finally been asked a legitimate question. A question he could answer with deceptive simplicity. “Integrity toward the customer.”

Coppel snorted. “I run an honest ship, young man. Always have. How do you think Coppel became the name it is? Honest business in a dishonest world. That’s how.”

And that was something Michael had known. Even before he’d earned his MBA, Michael had chosen the company for which he wanted to work. And set about being the candidate they’d choose when the time came.

“I take that one step further, sir,” he said now, no longer aware of the opulence of the room or the other man’s stature.

He had Coppel’s complete attention.

“Each customer is different, with individual needs. My teams have been taught to treat the customer as a person, to sell him not what we have to sell—not what, in the short run, makes us the most profit—but what he truly needs. It hurts the small picture, sometimes, when we don’t make a killing right off the bat. But in the big picture—”

“They go away happy,” Coppel interrupted him, eyeing Michael with interest. “They come back. They bring their neighbors with them.”

“Over and over again,” Michael said with the conviction of seven years’ worth of figures to prove his theory.

“Lose money to make money,” Coppel said.

“Sometimes.”

“Building a whole new level of trust, a new approach to doing business—which, I suppose is really an old-time traditional approach.”

“At least at Smythe and Westbourne.”

The other man nodded. “So you think you can determine what the customer wants.”

“I do.”

“How?” Coppel might be testing him, but he was intrigued as well.

“By becoming the buyer instead of the seller.”

Coppel nodded, his brow clearing. “You put yourself in the shoes of the consumer.”

“And realize that just as all people aren’t the same, all consumers and their needs aren’t the same, either.”

Looking down at some papers spread in front of him, Coppel said, “You appear to have a real talent in this area.”

Michael didn’t know about that. He thought his real talent lay in profit-and-loss margins and personal infrastructures.

“What about your family?” Coppel asked. “How much of your time do they require?”

And for the first time since he’d been summoned to this interview more than a month ago, Michael allowed himself to hope. He wanted a move up to one of the bigger, more diverse companies in the Coppel holdings. He needed a new challenge.

“None, sir,” he said with the confidence of knowing he had the right answer. “I’m divorced.”

“No children?” It was a well-known fact that Coppel didn’t believe a man should desert his children. Which was why he’d never had any of his own.

“None.”

Nodding, Coppel broke into a small, satisfied smile.

“You have anybody else who might want a say on your time?”

You got a lover? Michael read into the question.

“No.”

He saw women occasionally, but he’d been sleeping with Susan again, on and off, over the past three years, although they’d been divorced for seven. He couldn’t seem to find a passion for anyone else.

“Any dependents at all?”

What is this? Michael shifted in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. He sent a sizable amount of money to his parents and brother and sisters back in Carlisle, but that was nobody’s business except his.

“Why?”

Eyes narrowed, Coppel sat forward. “I’m thinking about offering you a new position, a move from a subsidiary company to Coppel Industries itself.”

Michael didn’t move a muscle. Didn’t breathe.

“But the position I have in mind would require constant travel, and I won’t even consider offering it if that meant you’d be shirking personal commitments. I don’t break up families.”

Coppel had come from a broken family, had his father run out on him, been forced to quit school and provide for his ailing mother. He’d entered high school at nineteen after his mother passed away. He’d put himself through college exterminating bugs, and the rest was history. Not only history, but public knowledge now that Coppel was one of the top businessmen in the country.

“I have no one,” Michael said.

HE MADE HIMSELF WAIT until he was pacing the gate at the airport before calling Susan. Just to keep things in perspective.

Only to find that she wasn’t in her office. A hotshot corporate attorney, Susan was out slaying dragons as often as she was in.

Picturing his ex-wife in her dragon-slaying mode, he grinned as he hung up the phone.

“I WANT to have a baby.”

Seth spit the whiskey he’d been sipping, spraying it across the table. “What?”

Laughing, Susan wiped a couple of drops of Crown Royal from her neck. At least her silk blouse and suit jacket had been spared. “It’s not like you to waste good whiskey,” she admonished. Actually, she was a little concerned on that score. It was still only eleven. A bit early for her brother to be hitting the hard stuff. He’d ordered a drink the last time they’d met for lunch, as well.

Leaning across the table, Seth whispered, “Are you out of your mind?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“Susan.” He sat upright, every inch the imposing engineer who flew all over the country inspecting multimillion-dollar construction sights. “Be serious.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more serious in my life.” She was still grinning, but mostly because if she didn’t, she might let him intimidate her.

“Why?”

“I’m thirty-nine.” Neither of them touched the sandwiches they’d ordered.

“Yeah. So?”

Susan shrugged. “If I don’t do it now, I’ll have lost the chance.”

“That’s no reason to have a kid. You’re supposed to want it.”

“I do.” Oddly enough.

Picking up a fry, Seth still looked completely overwrought. “Since when?”

“Since I graduated from law school.”

He stared at her, fry suspended in midair. “No kidding?” She’d obviously surprised him.

“I have it all written down.” She spoke quickly, eager to elaborate, to convince him that her decision was a good one. The right one. To win his approval. How could she possibly hope to convince Michael if she couldn’t even get the brother who championed everything she did on her side?

“Before I married Michael, I spent a weekend at a lodge in Kentucky, assessing my life, my goals, my dreams. Life was suddenly looming before me and I was scared.” She warmed beneath Seth’s empathetic gaze. “Frightened that I’d lose myself along the way somehow.” Her brother nodded, looking down at the plate between his elbows.

“By the end of the weekend, I’d mapped out all my goals, both short- and long-term, in chronological order.” Seth was staring at her again, his expression no longer empathetic. Unlike the sophisticated lawyer she was, she rushed on. “It was the only way I could be sure I wouldn’t let myself down, wouldn’t end up sixty years old and regretting what I’d done with my life—when it was too late to do anything about it.” Like their mother, she wanted to add but couldn’t. The boys didn’t know about those last hours she’d spent with their mother before she died. No one knew. Except Michael.

Seth continued to stare silently. “I wrote down career goals first,” she said, then took a sip of her brother’s whiskey. “Where I wanted to be by what time. Financial goals. Work goals. Personnal goals. For instance, I wanted to be able to play the violin by the time I was thirty-five.”

“That’s why you took those lessons?”

“Because I wanted to learn how to play? Yes.”

“But did you still want to play the violin when you got to that stage in your life?” Seth asked, pinning her with a big-brother stare he had no right to bestow on her. “Or did you just take the lessons because you’d written down that you had to?”

“I wanted to learn to play.” She’d just been unusually busy that year, which was the only reason she hadn’t enjoyed the experience as much as she’d thought she would.

“When was the last time you picked up your violin?”

That was beside the point. She’d been too busy these past four years.

“I wanted to travel to Europe by the time I was thirty-six.” She steered Seth back to the original conversation. “And,” she added before he could grill her, “I loved every second of the month I spent there.”

Of course, she’d been with Michael, and as a general rule, she loved every second she’d spent with Michael, period. They’d even made getting divorced fun. They’d rushed straight home afterward, tripped over his packing boxes on the way to their bedroom and made love furiously until dawn.

Seth chomped on a couple of fries. Brooding. His classically golden good looks were broken by the frown he was wearing.

“I’ve always known I’d have a baby by the year 2000,” Susan said softly, seriously, begging her brother to understand.

“Listen to you! Learn to play an instrument, go to Europe, have a baby by the year 2000. It’s ludicrous, Susan.” When his intensity didn’t sway her, he slowed down. “What happens after you have this baby?” he finally asked.

“Then I raise him or her.”

“You can’t just bring a child into the world because some stupid plan tells you to, Susan.”

“Who says I can’t?” Not exactly an answer to be proud of, but he was making her defensive.

“You aren’t mother material, for God’s sake! Can’t you see that?”

She opened her mouth but couldn’t speak. Not one word came out. She just sat there, mouth gaping, staring at him.

Until her eyes filled with tears. “How can you say that?”

“I’m sorry, sis.” He glanced away, took a sip of whiskey. “I love you, you know that.”

She’d thought she did.

“Look at your life, Susan, all mapped out, running right on schedule. The last thing children do is follow your schedule. They shouldn’t have to. They should be free to follow their own way, their own hearts. And they need parents who can give them the time, the freedom of choice to do so.”

“Like you’d know?” she asked, still hurt by his sudden abandonment.

He acknowledged his own lack of family with a nod. “I do know,” he said, surprising her with his fierceness. “Which is exactly why I’m so goddamn alone.” He finished off his whiskey with one swallow.

“Seth?”

There was a lot more going on here than she knew. A lot more that she needed to know.

“Not now,” was all he said, flagging down the waitress for another whiskey.

Susan pushed her plate away, untouched. She’d had breakfast at nine. It was way too early to be thinking about eating again.

“There’s another factor that’s missing here. Unless something else has happened since I left town.”

Susan shook her head. Life had been predictable, the same, for months now.

“A baby needs a father.” Seth’s voice was strong again. He made a show of glancing around them. “I don’t see one hanging around.”

Susan took a deep breath. “I’m going to ask Michael.”

Eyes suddenly alight, Seth grinned and grabbed her hand. “You two are getting back together?”

She couldn’t hold his gaze, couldn’t watch it dim. Sliding her hand from his, Susan shook her head. “Of course not. Nothing’s changed there.”

“Careers still come first, you mean?” he asked.

Susan nodded, awash in the sadness she felt emanating from her younger brother.

“My point exactly.” He finished off the second whiskey. “A kid deserves to come first.”

CHAPTER TWO

“SO THIS BABY THING is the reason you didn’t feel like working today?” Seth asked as he walked her to her car fifteen minutes later. He seemed huge and intimidating in his expensive overcoat.

And he was making her mad again with his refusal to take her seriously about the baby. If she couldn’t convince Seth, how in hell was she ever going to convince Michael? But because she didn’t want to face the fact that she might not be able to convince either one of them, Susan let his comment go.

To a point.

“No,” she finally answered him, studying the shadowy trail her breath left on the air.

They’d reached her Infiniti, and Seth opened the door she’d unlocked with her antitheft device as they’d approached. “I’ve actually got a small problem at work that was making me wish I was somewhere else this morning.”

“A small problem?” Seth leaned into the car, one arm on the hood, one on the open door. “That means there’s something major coming down. What is it?” He paused, frowning again. “Your job isn’t in jeopardy, is it?”

Susan laughed then, but without much humor. “Hardly.” They both knew she could write her own ticket as far as Halliday Headgear for Sports was concerned. She’d saved them enough money over the years to buy them out twice.

“Then what is it?”

“Just a case I’m working on. No big deal.” Susan started the car, turning the heat up full blast.

“Is Halliday in trouble?”

“Nope.”

“You going to tell me, or you want me to just keep asking questions until my ass freezes?”

“It’s nothing, really.” Susan grinned up at him. “Just a little suit I could have won even before I attended law school.”

“And?”

It was annoying how well Seth knew her. She’d have to remember to stay away from him when she was having birthday blues in the future. “I just feel for this boy, okay? His face mask snapped, a production problem with one of the hinges. The kid suffered a subdural hematoma which is pushing against his brain, causing paralysis on one side of his body. His father’s out of work and the family doesn’t have insurance. They don’t have money for surgery, let alone the months of physical therapy he’s going to need.”