Everything is You

Chapter 3

“Hey,” Raymond said softly, moving his head back and forth in front of her.

Jacqueline blinked away the past and Ray came back into focus. She forced a smile.

“Where did you just go?”

She blew out a breath and shook her shoulders a bit. “I just realized that I didn’t get to open my package.” She took his hand and pulled him to his feet. “Come, I want to show you.”

“Is it more equipment, J?” How many times had he watched her face light up when she discovered a new use for a lens or composed a picture a different way or purchased the latest waterproof camera? And how many times had he wished that he’d see the same kind of excitement in her eyes for him? It came only in flashes, nothing ever sustained. And when it did, she would shut it down, turn off the lights as if she was afraid he would see whatever it was that she was trying to hide.

“Hush, and just come on.”

They trooped into her bedroom and she went over to the box that Raymond had placed in the corner.

She duckwalked it over to the side table near the bed. “It isn’t heavy, just awkward.” Her long slender fingers quickly stripped the box of the securing tape and pulled open the flaps.

Reverently she reached inside and took out the first box that contained the jaw-dropping Canon EOS 5D Mark III. Gently she removed it from its packaging and placed it on the table. The second box contained the equally spectacular new Nikon D800. Even Raymond had to admit he was impressed. These were top-of-the-line cameras and together cost more than six thousand dollars.

The remaining contents were a camera bag, lenses and memory cards. Where many women splurged on clothes and shoes, Jacqueline poured her extra cash on photographic equipment. She said it was an investment in her business. And she was right. Her equipment alone was worth millions and she had the perfect piece ready for any assignment. Not only did she purchase the latest in photographic equipment, she was a collector of antique cameras as well. She had one room of her three-bedroom condo dedicated to her equipment.

“Impressive,” Raymond murmured in appreciation. He picked up the Nikon and held it up to his face, adjusting the lens to take in the room. The powerful lens brought the skyline of Los Angeles into sharp relief.

“Nice,” he said, drawing out the word. “Very nice.” He gingerly put the camera down and turned to Jacqueline, who was examining the Canon.

She glanced up at him. There was that smile, but he knew it wasn’t for him but for her toys.

“At some point you are going to run out of space,” he teased.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking the same thing.” She shrugged off the prospect. Running out of space would mean either giving up some of her toys or moving. She didn’t relish either idea. She’d been approached on several occasions to donate some of her antique cameras to museums. That was always an option.

A shadow slowly crept over the room as if the lights were dimmed, followed by a bright flash of light just above the skyline. Jacqueline gasped at the boom that sounded like the bombs they’d both heard and lived through in war torn countries.

She momentarily shut her eyes against the frightening noise. Raymond hurried over to the French doors that were blown open onto the terrace. He fought against the wind and lashing rain that ferociously beat down everything in its path, to get the doors closed.

He managed to pull the doors shut but not without a cost. He turned slowly around.

Jacqueline hid her giggle behind her hand. Just that quickly he was drenched from head to foot.

“Let me get you a towel.” She scampered off to the linen closet and brought back a towel, to find Raymond pulling his T-shirt over his head and stepping out of his damp sweatpants.

There was nothing to say about Ray’s physique other than perfection. He was toned from his workouts but also from the hard and fast life that he lived. Traversing mountains, slicing his way through tropical jungles, treading across rushing rivers were all as common to him as another man who went to the office in a suit and tie.

She wished that she could say that was the only attraction, that it was only physical. It wasn’t. That’s what made this all so painfully hard. Would she ever stop wanting him, needing him? Her chest tightened while a flash of how empty her life would be without Raymond in it ran through her.

She walked up to him and tenderly stroked his face with the towel, then across his broad shoulders and down his bare chest.

Raymond clasped her by the wrists and pulled her flush against him.

“When am I ever going to stop wanting you,” he growled deep in his throat. He cupped her face in his hands and swept down to kiss her. A hungry longing roared through him the way it always did when he touched her.

Jacqueline moaned against his mouth. Her body instantly responded to the fire that he lit in her belly. She moved closer, parted her lips to let him in. She wrapped her arms around him, giving in to her need this one last time. Her heart thundered as the rain pounded against the windows.

Raymond lifted her off her feet and walked with her to her bed.

It was all so familiar yet different every time that he touched her, made her body come alive in new ways. Her skin sang beneath his fingertips and her insides vibrated with desire. His mouth was hot and wet and everywhere that it touched it set her ablaze.

When he entered her, the world came apart in a million little pieces. And with each thrust, every kiss, touch and moan the pieces came together and exploded again and again.

The sky lit up beyond them and her body swirled around him like the wicked wind and his love poured into her like the falling rain.

Jacqueline fought back her tears and held him to her, listening to the familiar beat of his heart, knowing that this was the last time.

Chapter 4

Raymond slung his carry-on over his shoulder as he stepped out of Jacqueline’s midnight blue Mercedes sports coup. She popped the trunk and he came around to the back of the car and took out his bag and laptop. Jacqueline met him on the curb. Frenzied travelers swirled around them. Traffic cops and security personnel waved cars along the busy drop off lane and warned the drivers of parked vehicles to move it along. She looked up at him, hooking her thumbs into the loops of his jeans.

“Try to stay out of trouble while I’m gone,” he said with a catch in his throat. He gave her a lopsided grin.

“What fun would that be?” she teased.

He slowly lowered his head, and brushed his lips against hers.

Jacqueline’s heart thundered and guilt welled up in her throat. She longed to tell him but she couldn’t do that to him. It was best this way. Her eyes burned. She blinked away the threat of tears.

Raymond stepped back and tenderly stroked her cheek. “See you in a week. What should I bring you from Indonesia?”

“Surprise me,” she managed over the knot in her throat. She wiped away the gloss of her lipstick from his lips with the pad of her thumb. “You’re going to miss your flight.”

He kissed her one last time before grabbing the bag. He turned toward the revolving doors.

“Ray…”

He turned. Tell him, her conscience whispered. The words stuck in her throat. “Have a safe trip,” she uttered instead.

His smile made his eyes crinkle in the corners. “I will.” And then he was gone, swallowed up in the mass of humanity.

Jacqueline stood there until a security officer told her to move or get her car towed. With a heavy heart she rounded the front of her car, slid behind the wheel and pulled off.

* * *

Jacqueline took a sip of her apple martini. The bar was crowded, but that was to be expected on a Thursday night. The live band had begun their first set when Traci walked in. She stood and waved above heads and shoulders to get Traci’s attention.

Traci Desmond was an independent documentary filmmaker. They’d met more than fifteen years ago when they were students at New York University. They had the same media arts class and they hit it off from day one. They’d been friends ever since. Traci was the sister she never had and the only person she trusted enough with her darkest secrets. Traci had been there for Jacqueline through it all, as Jacqueline was for her.

“Hey, girl.” Traci kissed Jacqueline’s cheek and slid onto the seat opposite her. “Busy night, I see.” She placed her purse on her lap. “Ray get off okay?”

Jacqueline nodded and took a sip from her drink.

“You still didn’t tell him you were going to your niece’s wedding, I take it? Or anything else of importance.”

“No.”

Traci blew out a breath of frustration. “J, I love you. You know that, but I swear I do not understand why you won’t tell him.”

Jacqueline stared at her friend over the rim of her glass. “Yes, you do,” she said in a monotone.

Traci pursed her full lips. “But I don’t have to like it.”

“It’s better this way.”

“Secrets, lies? You call that better?”

“I don’t need a lecture, Traci. Seriously.”

“Fine,” she said in a feigned huff. “What time is your flight to Louisiana?”

“Tomorrow afternoon at two.”

A waitress stopped at the table and took Traci’s drink order.

“How do you think it will go?”

She shrugged her right shoulder. “I don’t know,” she said on a breath. “I haven’t spoken to my brother in ten years. I haven’t seen my nieces and nephews in almost as long. I missed Lee Ann’s wedding.” She slowly turned her glass around on the table. “I was in the Sudan or somewhere. I don’t even remember. But I don’t want to miss Desi’s. Who knows when…if I’ll get to see any of them again.”

Traci studied her for a moment. “Are you going to tell Branford what’s going on?”

She shook her head. “No.”

Traci clasped her hands together on top of the table. “He’s your brother, J. Your flesh and blood. And I’m going to be honest with you, because I’m your friend and I know you. You talk a good talk about not needing anyone, not needing your family and wanting to make your own way. But you do care and if you gave them half a chance I know that they care about you, too.” She tipped her head to the side and looked at Jacqueline through lowered lids. “If you really didn’t want to see them—and maybe even talk to your brother—you could have simply sent a gift.” She cocked an eyebrow to emphasize her point.

Jacqueline’s eyes flashed for a moment. She lowered her gaze and stared down into her glass.

“You’re going to have to stop traveling soon. You may not be able to work. What are you going to do then if you shut everyone out—especially Raymond?”

Jacqueline tossed back the rest of her drink. “Let’s order. I’m starved.” She set down her glass and then snapped open the menu.

Traci knew that look. The walls were up and there wasn’t anything that she would be able to do to get Jacqueline to talk short of bamboo shoots under her nails. Every fiber of her being wanted to shake some sense into Jacqueline, but knowing Jacquie, she’d cuss her out and make her pay for dinner. She may not be able to fix things between Jacquie and her family or her and Raymond. What she could do was be her friend.

“I think I’ll have the steak,” Traci said. “With sweet potato fries. They are the best this side of anywhere.”

Jacqueline smiled. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Traci stared at her from across the table. “How are you feeling?”

She gave a slight shrug. “The same. Tired. Had a little dizzy spell yesterday, but I think it was from the heat.”

“What did the doctor say?”

Jacqueline blew out a breath. “The readings are the same. At least I’m no worse.”

“Hmm.”

The waitress returned and took their dinner orders and Traci’s request for a mango daiquiri.

“I need you to promise me something.”

“Sure.”

“No matter what happens do not say anything to Raymond. You have to promise me.”

Traci swallowed. “J…”

“Promise me,” she insisted.

“All right, all right. I promise.”

Jacqueline released a breath of relief. “Thank you. And you’ll oversee the movers, make sure that everything gets packed up?”

Traci blinked back tears. “Yes,” she murmured. “J, you don’t have to do this. You shouldn’t do this.”

“I’m not going to talk about it anymore. It’s done. Okay.”

They looked everywhere but each other in a strained silence.

“I can get off early and take you to the airport,” Traci finally said.

She shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine. I’ll go to the wedding, make nice and then start my…new life.”

Traci looked away for a moment. The enormity of what Jacqueline was planning to do had haunted her for months. She’d tried without success to talk Jacqueline out of this irrational upheaval of her life. But with each visit to the doctor, and medication that no longer worked, Jacqueline had made up her mind and was resolute that this was the only way. And Traci knew that Jacqueline’s will was a mighty force. If she could cut her family off, walk out on the one man in her life that had touched her soul, distance herself from her best friend, she was a woman whose determination and focus could not be shaken with pleas.

“What did you get Desiree for her wedding gift?”

“A cut crystal bowl from Tiffany. Not anything that you can use very often but it looks pretty.” She grinned. “I had it shipped to my hotel. Hopefully it arrived in one piece.”

“Anything would be better than shipping it on a passenger plane.”

“How ’bout that.” She gazed off. “It’ll be good to see everyone,” she said wistfully.

“I know they’ll be glad to see you.”

The waitress returned with Traci’s drink. She lifted it toward Jacqueline. “To a safe trip and a happy reunion.”

Jacqueline slowly lifted her glass and gently touched it to Traci’s. “To promises,” she said and took a sip.

* * *

The cab made the turn onto France Street and pulled up in front of The Belle of Baton Rouge. The driver climbed out to help Jacqueline with her bags just as a bellhop approached with a luggage cart.

“Welcome to The Belle,” he greeted and took the two Louis Vuitton suitcases from the driver and placed them on the cart.

Jacqueline paid the driver and included a generous tip. They’d battled airport traffic for more than an hour for a ride that should have taken half that time. But all during the trip the driver regaled her with lively stories of his family that included six children under the age of fifteen and a wife who, according to him, was a saint.

“Thank you so much. And happy anniversary.”

He grinned broadly, his nut-brown face glistening from the humidity. “Thank you,” he said with a slight bow of his bald head. “I hope you enjoy your stay.”

“So do I.” She followed the bellhop into the cool interior of the lobby. The heat and humidity were two things that she definitely did not miss about her hometown. She walked up to the check-in counter.

“Welcome to The Belle,” the young blonde reservationist greeted. “Your name?”

“Jacqueline Lawson.” She took off her wide shades and looked around at the plush lobby.

She clicked a few keys on the computer. “Yes, Ms. Lawson. We have you in the suite on the tenth floor for three nights. I will need your credit card for incidentals.”

“Sure.” She dug in her purse and took out her wallet, fished through her cards and handed over her American Express.

“How many keys will you be needing?”

“Just one, thanks.”

She processed her room key and handed it to Jacqueline along with her credit card. “If you’re ready, I can have someone take up your bags.”

“Yes, please.”

“John will help you with your bags. And you have a package. Would you like that brought up as well?”

“Thank you. Yes.”

The bellhop came up to the desk.

“Tenth floor,” the receptionist said. “Enjoy your stay.”

“Right this way, ma’am.”

“First time to Baton Rouge?” the young man asked once they were aboard the elevator.

“No. But it’s my first time back in a number of years.”

“Are you here for the wedding? The city has been buzzing about it for weeks.”

“Wedding?”

“Yes, one of Senator Lawson’s daughters is getting married tomorrow. A real big event from what I’m hearing.” He frowned a moment. “Are you related?”

Jacqueline quickly shook her head. “No. Just coincidence.”

“My apologies. Same name and all.”

“Hmm, I get that a lot,” she murmured.

The bell tinged and the doors slid open giving her the perfect escape from his question. The least everyone knew about her the better. Coming back to her hometown was hard enough. She didn’t want to make any unnecessary connection between herself and the fabled Lawson family.

John wheeled the cart down the carpeted hall to room 1012. Jacqueline used her key and opened the door to pure luxury. The room opened onto a sprawling living space, fully furnished with a sleek, copper-toned couch, matching love seat and chair and a footstool. Low, glass-and-wood tables held blooming flora in bursting colors of orange, teal blue and white. The back wall was a window of glass that looked out onto the sprawling city. A full service bar was to the right, and beyond was a kitchen fit for a chef.

“Should I put these in the bedroom?”

“Yes, please.” She followed him down a short hall to the bedroom that was equally as lavish as the front. A king-size bed dominated the room, draped in all white. Dark cherry wood furnishings and a chaise lounge completed the room. A flat-screen television was mounted on the wall. French doors opened to a small terrace. It was well worth the money she spent.

John went to the closet and took out the luggage stand and placed the bags on top. “Enjoy your stay.”

Jacqueline reached into her bag and took out her purse. She handed him a ten-dollar tip.

He beamed his gratitude. “Thank you,” he said, bowing his way out of the door.

Jacqueline placed her purse on the small table near the terrace and opened the doors. She stepped outside and drew in a lungful of husky Louisiana air. Her gaze slowly took in the skyline.

Beyond the cityscape was the Lawson mansion, the place she’d once called home.

Chapter 5

Just as Jacqueline was getting settled, there was a knock at her door. She tied the belt around her robe and went to the door. The bellhop had her box.

“Your package, Ms. Lawson.”

She reached for it.

“I can put it inside for you.”

“Oh, of course.” She stepped aside to let him pass. “You can put it right there on that table.”

He soundlessly crossed the room and gingerly set the large box on the glass-and-wood table.

“Thank you,” she said, walking him to the door. She grabbed her purse took out her wallet and pressed a five dollar bill into his hand.

“Enjoy your stay, Ms. Lawson,” he said with a smile of appreciation.

This could get expensive. She closed the door behind him and walked over to where he’d left the box. She tore off the packing tape and tucked inside the foam balls and plastic was the iconic blue Tiffany box. Gingerly she untied the ribbon from around the box and lifted the cover. The stunning crystal bowl sparkled inside. She checked it for cracks and then closed the lid and retied the ribbon.

For a moment she paused with her hands on the box. The realization that she would see her family in less than twenty-four hours suddenly hit her. She did miss her nieces and nephews. It had been so long and the gap had only widened during the ensuing years of their estrangement. As for her brother, well that was a different story. She often wondered if he thought about her at all. And her nephew Maurice, David’s son, no one, not even she had heard from him in ages. She worried about Maurice the most. He’d been devastated by his father’s death. She had her reasons for turning away from her family but he did, as well.

A sudden wave of dizziness seized her and she gripped the edge of the table for support. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She could hear her pulse pounding in her ears. The room seemed to shift then slowly settled. Jacqueline opened her eyes. In an instant the rest of what her life would be like flashed through her head like a bad “B” movie. This visit to her family was as much an extension of the olive branch as it was a goodbye. She didn’t want their pity, sympathy or help. But she did want to see them again, as she was now, not how she would eventually become.

Gathering her strength she went into her bedroom for a nap when her cell phone rang. She walked over to the nightstand and picked up the phone. Raymond’s name was illuminated on the face of the phone.

She drew in a sobering breath and touched the talk icon. “Hi!” she said, forcing cheer into her voice. She sat down on the side of the bed.

“Hey, babe.”

The timbre of his voice, as always, rolled through her in warm waves.

“How was your flight?”

“Long,” he said with a chuckle. “But it’s just a layover. The second leg of the flight is in another hour. Wish you were here.”

“You’ll be there and settled in no time,” she said, sidestepping his comment.

“Yeah, as settled as I generally get on these things. The humidity here is stifling. I could take ten showers and it would never be enough. How about you? What were you doing? I was hoping I didn’t wake you. This time difference always screws me up.”

“Oh, nothing. Playing with my new toys,” she said, the lies sliding across her tongue with ease.

He laughed. And she missed him. Her throat clenched. “So…what’s on your agenda?”

“Day after tomorrow, I meet with the ambassador at the embassy. He’s giving me an hour.”