She smiled at him shyly, her cheeks going a faint shade of pink as if she too were recalling their earlier intimacy. ‘I thought you were going to work?’
Cam shrugged. ‘It can wait.’ He took her hand and brought it up to his mouth. ‘I probably should warn you I’m not the world’s best shopper but I’m pretty handy with carrying bags.’
Her eyes shone as if the thought of him accompanying her pleased her as much as it pleased him. ‘Are you sure you’re not too busy? I know how much men loathe shopping. Dad and Fraser are such pains when we try to get them through a department store door.’
Cam looped her arm through his. ‘I have a vested interest in this expedition. I have to make sure Cinderella is dressed appropriately for the ball tonight.’
A flicker of worry passed through her gaze. ‘I never know what to wear to the office party. There’s a theme this year... A Star-Struck Christmas. Last year it was White Christmas. The year before it was Christmas on the Titanic.’
‘You could turn up in a bin liner and still outshine everyone else.’
Her smile made something in his chest slip sideways. ‘I really appreciate you coming with me. I can’t tell you how much I hate going alone.’
Cam bent down to press a kiss to her forehead. ‘You’re not alone this year. You’re with me.’
* * *
Cam wasn’t much of a party animal but even he had to admit Violet’s firm put on a Christmas extravaganza that was impossible not to enjoy. It occupied the ballroom of one of London’s premier hotels and the decorations alone would have funded a developing nation for a year. Giant green and gold and red Christmas bells hung from silken threads just above head height. Great swathes of tinsel adorned the walls. A fresh Christmas tree was positioned to one side of the room, covered with baubles that looked like they had been dipped in gold. Maybe they had. There was an angel on the top whose white gown glittered with Swarovski crystals. The music was lively and fun. The food was fabulous. The champagne was top-shelf and free flowing.
Or maybe he was having a good time because he was with the most beautiful girl at the party. The shimmery dress he’d helped Violet choose skimmed her delicate curves so lovingly his hands twitched in jealousy. The heels she was wearing put his mind straight in the gutter. He couldn’t stop imagining her wearing nothing but those glossy black spikes and a sexy come-and-get-me smile.
Cam had been ruminating all afternoon over whether he had done the right thing in making love to Violet. Who was he kidding? He was still ruminating. It was like a loop going round and round in his head. What have I done?
It was fine to put it down to hormones, but he wasn’t some immature teenager who didn’t know the meaning of the word self-control. He was a fully grown adult and yet he hadn’t been able to walk away.
Had he done the wrong thing?
His body said Yes.
His mind said Yes, but.
The buts were always going to be the kicker. Violet wasn’t like any other casual lover he’d met. She’d been in his life for what seemed like for ever. He’d seen her grow from a gangly and shy teenage girl to a beautiful young woman. She was still shy but some of that reserve had eased away when they’d made love. Sharing that experience with her, being the one to guide her through her first experience of pleasure with a partner had been special. More than special. A sacred privilege he would remember for the rest of his life. Her trust in him had touched him, honoured him, and made him feel more of a man than he had ever felt before.
But...
How could he give her what she wanted when it was the opposite of what he wanted right now? Violet came from a family where marriage was a tradition that was celebrated and treasured and believed in. She wanted the fairytale her parents and siblings had.
It wasn’t that Cam was so cynical he didn’t think marriage could work. It did work. It worked brilliantly, as Margie and Gavin Drummond demonstrated and their parents before them. But Cam’s parents’ example had made him see the other side of the order of service: the stonewalling, the bitter fights, the disharmony, the petty paybacks, the affairs and then the divorce lawyers, not to mention years of estrangement where the very mention of the other person’s name would bring on an explosive fit of temper.
While Cam didn’t think he was the type of person to walk out on a commitment as important as marriage, how could he be sure life wouldn’t throw up something that would challenge the standards he upheld? The promises people made so earnestly in church didn’t always ring with the same conviction when life tossed in a curve ball or two.
It was all well and good to be confident he would stand by his commitment, but it wasn’t just about his commitment. The other person would have to be equally committed. How could he be sure Violet, as gorgeous and sweet as she was, would feel the same about him in ten weeks, let alone ten years or five times that? Watching his parents go through their acrimonious divorce when he was a young child had made him wary about rushing into the institution.
He had never had any reason to question his decision before now. It had always seemed the safest way to handle his relationships—being open and honest about what he could and couldn’t give. Yes, some lovers might have been disappointed there was no promise of a future. But at least he hadn’t misled them.
But sleeping with Violet had changed things. Changed him. Made him more aware of the things he would be missing out on rather than the things he was avoiding. Things like walking into a party hand in hand, knowing he was going to leave with that hand still in his. Knowing the smile she turned his way was for him and no one else. Recognising the secret look she gave him that told him she was remembering every second of his lovemaking and she couldn’t wait to experience it again. Feeling the frisson of awareness when she brushed against him, how his body was so finely tuned to hers he could sense her presence even when she was metres away.
Had he ever felt like that with anyone else? No. Never. Which wasn’t to say he wouldn’t with someone else...someone other than Violet. His gut swerved at the thought of making love to someone else. He couldn’t imagine it. Couldn’t even picture it. Couldn’t think of a single person who would excite him the way she excited him.
It will pass. It always does.
Lust for him was a candle not a coal ember. It would flare for a time and then snuff out. Sometimes gradually, sometimes overnight.
But when he looked at Violet, he couldn’t imagine his desire for her ever fading. Because his desire for her wasn’t just physical. There was another quality to it, a quality he had never felt with anyone else. When he’d made love to her it had felt like an act of worship rather than just sex. Her response to him had been a gift rather than a given. The fact she trusted him enough to feel able to express herself sexually was the biggest compliment—and turn on—he had ever experienced.
But...
How was he going to explain the end of their ‘engagement’ to her family? How was he going to go back to being just friends? How would he be able to look at her and not remember the way her mouth had felt when she’d opened it for him that first time? How her shy little tongue had tangled with his until his blood had pounded so hard he’d thought his veins would explode? How would he be able to be in the same room as her without wanting to draw her into his arms? To feel her slim body press against his need until he was crazy with it?
Maybe he was crazy. Maybe that was the problem. Making love to her was the craziest thing he’d done in a long time.
But...
He wanted to make love to her again. And again and again.
God help him.
* * *
Violet was coming back from a trip to the ladies’ room when she was intercepted by three of her workmates, including Lorna.
‘Congratulations, Violet,’ Lorna said, eyeing her engagement ring. ‘Gracious me, that man of yours was quick off the mark.’ Her gaze flicked to Violet’s abdomen. ‘You’re not pregnant, are you?’
If there was one time in her life Violet wished she didn’t have the propensity to blush, this was it. Could Lorna tell the engagement wasn’t real? After all, Violet hadn’t mentioned anything about dating anyone, not that she talked about her private life that much at work. But women working together for a long time tended to pick up on those things. Besides, conversations around the water cooler tended to show how boring her life was compared to everyone else’s. ‘No, not yet but it’s definitely on the to-do list.’ Why did you say that?
Lorna’s smile didn’t involve her eyes. ‘When’s the big day?’
‘Erm...we haven’t decided on a date yet,’ Violet said. ‘But some time next year.’ I wish.
‘So how did he propose?’
Violet wished she’d talked this through a little more with Cam. They hadn’t firmed up any details of their story apart from the fact—which was indeed a fact—they had met via her older brother. How would Cam propose if he were going to ask her to marry him? He wasn’t the bells and whistles type. There wouldn’t be any skywritten proposals or football-stadium audiences while he got down on bended knee. That was the sort of thing his father did, even on one memorable occasion making the evening news. Cam would choose somewhere quiet and romantic and tell her he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Her heart squeezed. If only! ‘It was really romantic and—’
‘Ah, here’s Prince Charming himself,’ Lorna said as Cam approached. ‘Violet’s been telling me how you proposed.’
Cam’s smile never faltered but Violet knew him well enough to notice the flicker of tension he was trying to disguise near his mouth. He slipped an arm around Violet’s waist and drew her close against him. ‘Have you, darling?’
Violet’s smile had a hint of help me about it. ‘Yes, I was saying it was terribly romantic...with all the roses and...stuff.’
‘What colour?’ Lorna asked.
‘White,’ Violet said.
‘Red,’ Cam said at exactly the same time.
Lorna’s artfully groomed brows rose ever so slightly. But then she smiled and winked at Cam. ‘You have good taste. Violet’s a lucky girl to land a man who knows his way around a diamond dealer.’
‘She deserves the very best,’ Cam said.
‘Yes, well, she’s waited long enough for it,’ Lorna said and with a fingertip wave moved on to return to the party.
Violet released a long jagged breath. ‘She suspects something. I know she does. We should’ve talked about the proposal.’ She spun around so her back was to the party room. ‘I feel such an idiot. And, for the record, I hate red roses.’
‘I’ll make a note of it.’
Violet searched his expression but he had his blank-wall mask on. ‘So how would you propose if you were going to?’
His brows moved together over his eyes. ‘Is that a trick question?’
‘No, it’s a serious one,’ Violet said. ‘If, and I know it’s a very big “if”, but if you were to ask someone to marry you how would you go about it?’
Cam glanced about him. ‘Is this the right venue to talk about this?’
Violet wasn’t going to risk being cornered by another workmate for details of their engagement. Nothing would out a charade faster than someone cottoning on to a clash of accounts of an event from witnesses. ‘We’re out of earshot out here. Come on, tell me. What would you do?’
He blew out a short breath. ‘I’d make sure I knew what the girl would like.’
‘Like what colour roses?’
He gave her a droll look. ‘What have you got against red roses?’
Violet gave a lip shrug. ‘I don’t know... I guess because they’re so obvious.’
‘Right, then I’d make sure we were alone because I don’t believe in putting a woman under pressure from an audience.’
‘Like your father did with wife number three?’
‘Number two and three.’ Cam’s eyes gave a half roll.
‘So no TV cameras and news crews?’
‘Absolutely not.’
Violet looked back at the party in the next room. ‘We should probably go and mingle...’
‘What’s your dream proposal?’ Cam asked.
She met his gaze but there was nothing to suggest he was asking the question for any other reason than mild interest. ‘I know this sounds a bit silly and ridiculously sentimental, but I’ve always wanted to be proposed to at Drummond Brae. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of standing by the loch near the forest with the house in the distance and my lover going down on bended knee, just as my father did with my mum and my grandfather did with my grandmother.’
‘Your would-be fiancé would have to have a meteorological degree to predict the best time to do it.’ Cam’s tone was dry. ‘Nothing too romantic about being proposed to in sleet or snow.’
Violet’s smile was wistful. ‘If I was in love I probably wouldn’t even notice.’
* * *
Half an hour later, Violet turned back to Cam after listening to a boring anecdote from one of her co-workers who’d had one too many drinks. Cam was staring into space and had a frown etched on his brow. ‘Are you okay?’ she said, touching him on the arm.
He blinked as if she’d startled him but then he seemed to gather himself and smiled down at her. ‘Sure.’ He slipped an arm around her waist and drew her closer. ‘Did I tell you you’re the most beautiful woman in the room?’
Violet could feel a blush staining her cheeks. Did he mean it or was he just saying it in case other people were listening? She felt beautiful when she was with him. What woman wouldn’t when he looked at her like that? As if he was remembering every moment of making love to her. The glint in his dark eyes saying he couldn’t wait to do it again. ‘Don’t you feel a little...compromised?’
‘In what way?’
She glanced around at the partying crowd before returning her gaze to his, saying sotto voce, ‘You know...pretending. Lying all the time.’
He picked up her left hand and pressed a kiss to the diamond while his eyes stayed focused on hers. ‘I’m not pretending to want you. I do and badly. How long do we have to stay?’
Violet’s inner core tingled in anticipation. ‘Not much longer. Maybe five, ten minutes?’
He dropped a kiss to her forehead. ‘I’m going to get a mineral water. Want one?’
‘Yes, please.’
‘Hey, Violet.’ Kenneth from Corporate Finance came up behind her and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder. ‘Come and dance with me.’
Violet rolled her eyes. She went through the same routine with Kenneth every year at the Christmas party. He always had too much to drink and always asked her to dance. But, while she didn’t want to encourage him in any way, she knew Christmas for him was a difficult time. His wife had left him just before Christmas a few years ago and he hadn’t coped well with the divorce. Violet turned and gently extricated herself from his beefy paw. ‘Not tonight, thanks. I’m with my...fiancé.’
Kenneth looked at her myopically, swaying on his feet like his body couldn’t decide whether to stand or fall. ‘Yeah, I heard about that. Congrats and all that. When’s the big day?’
‘We haven’t got around to settling on that just yet.’
He grabbed her left hand and held it up to the light. ‘Nice one. Must’ve cost a packet.’
Violet didn’t care for the clammy heat of his hand against hers. But neither did she want to make a scene. The firm had strict guidelines on sexual harassment in the workplace but she felt sorry for Kenneth and knew he would be mortified by his behaviour if he were sober. ‘Please let me go, Kenneth.’
He lurched forwards. ‘How about a Christmas kiss?’
‘How about you get your hands off my fiancée?’ Cam said in a tone as cold as steel.
Kenneth turned around and almost toppled over and had to grab hold of the Christmas tree next to him. Violet watched in horror as the tree with all its tinsel and baubles came crashing down, the snow-white angel on the top landing with a thud at Violet’s feet, her porcelain skull shattering.
The room was suddenly skin-crawlingly quiet.
But then Kenneth dropped to his knees and picked up the broken angel and held it against his heaving chest. His sobs were quiet sobs. The worst sort of sobs because what they lacked in volume they made up for in silent anguish.
Violet went down beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. ‘It’s all right, Kenneth. No one cares about the tree. Do you want us to give you a lift home?’
To her surprise Cam bent down on Kenneth’s other side and place his hand on the man’s other shoulder. ‘Hey, buddy. Let’s get you home, okay?’
Kenneth’s eyes were streaming tears like someone had turned on a tap inside him. He was still clutching the angel, his hands shaking so much the tiny bits of glitter and crystals from her dress were falling like silver snow. ‘She’s having a baby... My ex, Jane, is having the baby we were supposed to h-have...’
Violet had trouble keeping her own tears in check. How gut-wrenchingly sad it must be for poor Kenneth to hear his ex-wife was moving on with her life when clearly he hadn’t stopped loving her. She exchanged an agonised glance with Cam before leaning in to one-arm-hug Kenneth. She didn’t bother trying to search for a platitude. What could she say to help him recover from a broken heart? It was obvious the poor man wasn’t over his divorce. He was lonely and desperately sad, and being at a party where everyone was having fun with their partners was ripping that wound open all over again.
After a while, the music restarted and the crowd went on partying. Cam helped Kenneth to his feet while some other men helped put the tree back up.
Violet collected their coats and followed Cam and Kenneth out to the foyer of the hotel where the party was being held. She waited with Kenneth while Cam brought the car to the door and within a few minutes they were on their way to the address Kenneth gave her.
He lived in a nice house in Kensington, not unlike Cam’s house, but Violet couldn’t help thinking how terribly painful it must be for Kenneth to go home to that empty shell where love had once dwelled, where plans had been made and dreams dreamt.
Once they were sure Kenneth was settled inside, Cam led Violet back to his car. ‘Sad.’
‘I know...’
‘Did you see all the photos of his ex everywhere?’ Cam said. ‘The place is like a shrine to her. He needs to find a way to move on.’
‘I know, but it must be so hard for him at Christmas especially.’
He gave her hand a light squeeze. ‘Sorry for being a jerk about him touching you.’
‘That’s okay, you weren’t to know.’ She let out a sigh. ‘It must be terrible for him, seeing everyone else having a good time while he comes back here to what? An empty house.’
‘Does he have any other family? Parents? Siblings?’
‘I don’t know...but even if he did, wouldn’t being with them just remind him of what he’s lost? It’s hard when you’re the only one without a partner.’ Violet knew that better than anyone.
Cam nodded grimly. ‘Yeah, well, divorce is harder on some people than others.’
Violet glanced at him. ‘Your mother took it hard?’
The line around his mouth tightened. ‘I was six years old when they finally split up. A week or two after my father moved out to live with his new partner, I came downstairs one morning to find her unconscious on the sofa with an empty bottle of pills and an empty wine bottle beside her. I rang Emergency and thankfully they arrived in time to save her.’
No wonder he was so nervous about commitment. Seeing the devastation of a breakup at close quarters and at such a tender age would have been nothing short of terrifying. ‘That must have been so scary for you as a little kid.’
‘Yeah, it was.’ He waited a beat before continuing. ‘Every time I went back to boarding school after the holidays I was worried sick about her. But she started seeing another guy, more to send a message to my father than out of genuine love. It was a payback relationship—one of many.’
‘No wonder you break out in a rash every time someone mentions the word marriage,’ Violet said.
‘Divorce is the word I hate more. But you can never know if it’s going to happen or not. No one can guarantee their relationship will last.’
Violet wanted to disagree but deep down she knew what he said was true. There were no guarantees. Life could change in a heartbeat and love could be taken away by disease or death or divorce. Just because you were in love didn’t mean the other person would remain committed. She knew many women and men who’d been devastated by their partners straying. But she believed in love and commitment and knew she would do her best when she fell in love to nurture that love and keep it healthy and sustained.
What do you mean—when you fall in love? Haven’t you already?
Violet waited until they’d gone a few blocks before speaking again. ‘Cam? I have to do something about my flat tomorrow. I really should have done something about it today but I couldn’t bring myself to face it. But I can’t leave that mess for the girls to clean up on their own.’
‘Do you have to go back there?’
Violet glanced at him again. ‘What do you mean? It’s where I live.’
‘You could live somewhere else. Somewhere safer, more secure.’
‘Yeah.’ Violet sighed. ‘Somewhere heaps more expensive too.’
There was a silence broken only by the swishing of the windscreen wipers going back and forth.
‘You could stay with me for as long as you like,’ Cam said. ‘Until you find somewhere more suitable, I mean. There’s no rush.’
Violet wondered what was behind the invitation. Was it solely out of consideration for her safety or was he thinking about extending their relationship until who knew when? ‘That’s a very generous offer but what if you want to start seeing someone else after we break up after Christmas? Could be awkward.’
‘Everything about this situation is awkward.’
Violet looked at the tight set of his features. ‘Are you regretting...what happened this morning?’
He relaxed his expression and reached across the gear console and captured her hand, bringing it over to rest on top of his thigh. ‘No. Maybe I should, but I don’t.’
‘I don’t regret it either.’
His eyes met hers when he parked the car. ‘Your family is going to be hurt when we...end this.’
Why had he hesitated over the word ‘end’? Who would end it? Would it be a mutual decision or would he suddenly announce it was over?
‘Yes, I feel bad about that. But at least it’s not for long,’ Violet said. ‘Once Christmas is over we’ll say we made a mistake...or something and go back to normal.’
He studied her for a long moment. ‘Will you be okay with that?’
Violet gave him a super-confident smile. ‘Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? It’s what we agreed on. A short-term fling to get me back on my dating feet.’
His expression clouded. ‘You have to be careful when you’re dating guys these days. You can’t go out with just anyone. It’s not safe when there are so many creeps on the prowl. And don’t do online dating. Some of those guys lie about their backgrounds. Anyone can use a false identity. You could end up with someone with a criminal past.’
Violet wondered if he was cautioning her out of concern or jealousy or both. ‘You sound like you don’t want me to date anyone else.’
He paused before responding. ‘I care about you, Violet, that’s all. I don’t want you to become a crime statistic.’
‘I’m sure I’ll manage to meet and fall in love with some perfectly lovely guy, just like my sisters have done,’ Violet said. ‘I’m just taking a little longer than they did to get around to it.’
He opened his car door and came around to hers but, instead of tension, this time there was a self-deprecating tilt to his mouth. ‘Sorry about the lecture.’
Violet smiled and patted his hand where it was resting on the top of the doorframe. ‘You can lecture me but only if I can lecture you right on back. Deal?’