Why now, when she hadn’t had the dream for years?
Why tonight?
Her mouth was dry and she reached for her water bottle and drank deeply.
She knew why, of course. She knew exactly why.
The memory would fade, she reminded herself as she replaced the top on her water bottle and lay down on her bunk, knowing that she wouldn’t sleep again that night.
She didn’t dare, in case the dream came back again.
So she lay in the dark, listening to the rhythmic breathing of the others in the room and fighting off the demons of her past.
Despite her fears, Juliet dozed off only to wake again at six, freezing cold and with a thumping headache.
Stress or the first signs of altitude sickness?
She tugged on extra layers and carefully packed her duffel bag ready for the Sherpas to add to their load. Then she joined the others for breakfast, hoping they were in better shape than her.
They were eating omelette and fried bread and instantly she could see that both Gary and Simon looked the worse for wear, although the two girls seemed quite lively.
‘How was your night?’ She addressed the two men without any great confidence that they’d tell her the truth. She’d already decided that she was going to have to find a way of breaking down those macho barriers so that she could gain a real picture of their physical state.
She made a mental note to talk to each of the young men separately, hoping that without peer pressure they might be prepared to open up.
They lingered over breakfast and were just packing up to leave when one of their Sherpas came running along the path towards them.
‘Dr Juliet, you need to come. Cook has accident.’
Juliet grabbed the pack that contained a basic first-aid kit and followed him without question, wondering what had happened.
Despite the availability of accommodation, the Sherpas preferred to set up their own tent and one of them had managed to cut himself badly while preparing breakfast.
He was sitting on a boulder, blood pouring from his finger, a horrified expression on his face.
‘I need some water, Pemba,’ Juliet instructed quickly, delving into her pack and dragging out her first-aid kit. She cleaned the wound so that she could get a better look at what was going on and decided that it wasn’t going to need stitches.
‘Wound very deep,’ Pemba said sorrowfully, and Juliet gave him a reassuring smile.
‘It’s not that deep, Pemba. I’ll give it a proper clean and put some steristrips on it.’
‘Stitches?’
‘Paper stitches,’ Juliet amended, but he nodded with satisfaction and she decided it really didn’t matter whether he thought they were proper stitches or not. The finger would be treated and that was what counted.
As expedition doctor she was responsible for the health of the Sherpas as well as the Western climbers and trekkers, and she took that responsibility very seriously indeed. In her opinion they were all entitled to the same care. In truth, the injury was minor, but she didn’t want them to think that they were less important to her so she gave the injury more attention than she otherwise might have done.
Once the finger was securely dressed she rose to her feet and swung her pack onto her back.
‘It should be fine, but if it gives you a problem, let me know.’
The injured Sherpa gazed at his neatly bandaged finger with pride and Juliet hid a smile.
He was like a child, seeking attention.
She rejoined her party at the teahouse and finally they set off, following the trail that would lead them to the next village.
Neil led and Juliet stayed at the back, intending to sweep up any stragglers and hoping for some peace and quiet to sort out her pounding headache.
She was out of luck.
‘Good morning, Dr Adams.’ It was Finn McEwan, looking rested and relaxed and disturbingly handsome. Dark stubble covered his jaw and he’d stripped down to a T-shirt, exposing broad shoulders and hard muscle. He looked strong and fit and more than capable of tackling the word’s highest mountain.
In comparison she felt tired and weak and every step was a monumental effort.
She stood to one side to let him pass. ‘I expect you want to get going,’ she said politely, ‘so feel free to overtake.’
His eyes rested on her face. ‘You’re looking pale, Dr Adams. Bad night?’
She tensed, remembering the nightmares. And the cause of them. ‘I slept fine,’ she lied. ‘How about you?’
‘Never better.’ He looked at her thoughtfully. ‘Maybe you should spend another day here if the altitude is bothering you.’
‘The altitude isn’t bothering me,’ she said immediately, and his eyes narrowed.
‘Which means that something else is. Anything you want to talk about?’
She looked him straight in the eye. ‘What would I possibly want to talk about?’
He was silent for a long moment, his eyes on her face. ‘Obviously nothing.’
‘That’s right.’ She gave him a bright smile that took the last of her energy. ‘Glad to see you in such good form, Dr McEwan. I’m sure nothing will hold you back today. Are you walking with your group?’
He shook his head. ‘We’re all traveling independently and meeting at Base Camp. So I’m more than happy to provide extra muscle for your expedition, Dr Adams.’
Her heart sank. She really, really didn’t want him hanging around. ‘We’re fine,’ she said stiffly, ‘and we’re going to take it slowly today so you might want to just do your own thing.’
Please, let him do his own thing. The last thing she needed was his company on the trek.
But if she was hoping he’d take the hint and walk on up the trail she was doomed to disappointment because he stayed close to her, and at that moment Sally joined them.
‘Dr McEwan!’ Her pretty face flushed pink with delight when she saw him and she fell into step beside him. ‘I’ve got your textbook on high-altitude medicine on my bookshelf at home and your book on climbing. I’ve read it and reread it. It’s amazing.’
Irritated by the blatant hero-worship, Juliet gritted her teeth but Finn simply looked amused.
‘Well, that’s nice. Always good to meet a fan.’
‘Are you planning to reach the summit this time or are you doing research?’
‘Both, hopefully,’ Finn said pleasantly, ‘but you never really know. Mountains have a habit of making decisions for you. You climb when and if they allow it.’
It was still early and frost winked and flickered as they started up the trail by the side of a boulder-strewn river that sent turquoise water crashing down into the valley.
Finally Finn moved ahead of them and Juliet felt herself start to relax.
‘The water runs off the glacier,’ she told Sally as they strolled along together at a steady pace, ‘so it’s icy cold.’
They crossed a rickety bridge that ran over the river and Sally stared at a pile of wood neatly stacked to one side of the path. ‘What’s the wood for?’
Juliet shifted the pack on her back. ‘When the river floods the bridges are often washed away and have to be rebuilt. The wood is there ready for the next bridge.’ She glanced at Sally’s pale face and laughed. ‘You signed on for adventure, remember?’
Sally pulled a face. ‘Plunging into a ravine wasn’t what I had in mind.’
As they walked the sun grew hotter and they all stripped off layers and tucked them safely away in their day packs.
‘I’ve read so much about your work,’ Sally chatted away, ‘and I’ve read about Dr McEwan. I’ve drooled over his photo on the front of his book but he’s even better-looking in real life, isn’t he? He’s loaded, did you know that? His family is seriously wealthy. That’s the reason he can afford to finance all those expeditions he tackles. Last year Antarctica and this year Everest. He’s rich, good-looking, with a body to die for, and he’s still single. Can you believe that?’
Juliet concentrated on the trail.
Yes, she could believe that. She understood about being single. And she was trying hard not to think about Finn McEwan’s body. ‘The man is never in the same place for more than five minutes so I can’t imagine he’s in a position to have a relationship or consider marriage.’
Sally looked at her. ‘So when you’re not climbing, you work in an A and E department?’
‘I do locums.’ Juliet shifted her pack on her back. ‘I prefer it that way. It means I don’t get locked in. It’s hard to persuade an employer to give you three months off every spring so that you can vanish to the Himalayas.’
‘But surely you won’t want to do that for ever? Won’t you want to settle down and get married?’
Juliet kept her eyes forward. ‘I’m not very good at staying in one place,’ she said eventually. ‘And marriage isn’t for everyone.’
Something flickered inside her and she pushed it away. She’d never been interested in settling down, and she never would be.
She needed to know that she could just pack a bag and go, wherever she wanted to go, whenever she wanted to go there, without reference to another person.
She needed to know that her heart wouldn’t be broken.
She walked deep in thought as the path snaked through rhododendrons and fragrant blue pine and fir. A little later they crossed the river again into the Sagarmartha National Park.
They stopped at the guard post so that Neil could deal with the special permits that they’d purchased in Kathmandu.
‘Why all the security?’ Simon muttered, watching while an armed guard checked all the paperwork.
‘Because selling permits is big business to them,’ Neil told him. ‘No one gets in unless they’ve paid. They’re also monitoring the traders. There’s a large military base not far from here.’
The guards were clearly satisfied with what they saw because the group was allowed to pass and Juliet swung her pack off her back and drank, exhorting the others to do the same.
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