White Heat

He wasn’t ready. He should’ve left Martha and Courtney alone. He’d screwed up, indulged himself one too many times….

It was the drugs, he decided. When he was tweaking, he made mistakes, and he tweaked too often these days. But the thought of getting high only made him want to do it again.

Crossing to the bureau, he found the quarter gram of meth he kept close at hand, took his pipe from the same drawer and lit up.

When that first anticipated rush of euphoria hit his brain, he dropped onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Courtney came to him immediately, like a ghost. Or a memory. He knew what he was seeing wasn’t real, that he was hallucinating, because there was no lust, no anger, no betrayal. He was completely objective, an indifferent bystander observing the unfolding of their relationship—until the final moment when he’d strangled her.

Another memory surfaced—the day he caught his father grimacing when someone said, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” The person who’d spoken hadn’t been able to see past their physical similarities long enough to realize they couldn’t be more different if God had intended to make them enemies. Conservative and self-disciplined, Robert loved sports and business and took great pride in his financial success. Ethan preferred music, art, literature, fashion. Nothing he did could ever match what his father had accomplished. Even worse, he was emotional and high-strung, which irritated and angered his father.

Oddly, the differences hadn’t really bothered Ethan until the day he’d heard his father tell his mother that he planned to order a paternity test. Robert hadn’t doubted her fidelity; he’d been teasing when he said it. But Ethan’s mother had laughed with him and that was when Ethan knew Valerie was in on the secret. She preferred her husband to her son; she felt as embarrassed and ashamed of Ethan as Robert did.

Wincing at that memory, he took another hit on the pipe and then another.

Soon he seemed to be floating above his own body. Then the room began to spin and he could no longer remember what upset him so much. He had nothing to worry about. Look at what he’d become. His father had told him he’d never amount to anything, but he’d been wrong. Ethan had money and power and he hadn’t had to work for any of it.

Suddenly, the silence seemed to press in on him like an invisible hand, holding him down on the bed, smothering him. Nearly dropping his pipe, he staggered to his feet, knocked over a lamp and cut his arm. He was standing in a stupor, watching the blood drip onto the carpet when Bart walked in.

“Holy One, you’ve hurt yourself,” he cried. “What happened?”

Ethan’s mouth moved and words came out, but they sounded garbled, even to his own ears. Was he making sense? Somehow that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that Bart had come to take care of him.

Just like always.

The sun was up when Nate pulled into Rachel’s driveway. Her house sat on a cliff overlooking the ocean a little south of Los Angeles. With one whole side made of glass, it was different—far more modern than the home of any other woman he knew. But Rachel was different, too. She tried to be so damn tough. In ways, she was tough. She could fight. She could play whatever part she needed to play. She’d gravitated to the polar opposite of her sheltered upbringing and wielded a gun instead of the Good Book. But for all that, she didn’t have the ability to protect her heart. He’d never forget the night he’d come home to find her waiting in his bed.

Working this closely together wasn’t a smart idea. He saw how she looked at him when she thought he wasn’t paying attention, could tell how she felt about him. Hell, she’d said as much when they were making love. What she wanted from him reminded him too much of Susan. He still heard from her on occasion and he knew that, in some ways, he’d never really be free of her or the memory of rushing to the hospital that cold January night….

But Milt was adamant he take this assignment, so Nate would have to protect Rachel—not only from the Covenanters but from himself.

“Just do it,” he said, and shoved the gearshift into Park.

He was getting out to ring the bell when she appeared, wearing a simple peach-colored sundress beneath a cardigan sweater and carrying a small suitcase.

“You can’t take that case to Portal,” he said without a greeting. He didn’t recognize the label, but he didn’t need to know the designer to realize it had cost a bundle. “That’s a dead giveaway. You’re the wife of a cement contractor, not Paris Hilton.”

“I’m aware of that. But I tossed my crappy luggage after the last job. It was completely shot. We’ll have to stop at a secondhand store along the way.”

“What will you do with this one?”

“Ship it home,” she said with a shrug. “The clothes I wear when I’m not working are too sophisticated, too ‘single woman supporting herself.’ The ones I wear on other jobs are too ‘I’ll do anything for my next fix.’ I need something in between if I’m going to build the illusion of a sweet wife who recently got married and is trying to eke out a productive life with her husband. So we would’ve had to do some shopping, anyway.”

Maybe she needed additional clothes, but the dress she was wearing right now worked, he admitted grudgingly. The color brought out the golden tones in her hair and skin and contrasted nicely with the ice blue of her eyes. But he didn’t tell her that. He knew better than to lead her on and still kicked himself for not sending her home when she’d let herself into his condo six months ago.

“This is all, then?” he asked.

“Except for my computer.” She reached in to get the satchel she carried almost everywhere, but he stopped her.

“Leave it behind.”

“That’s like asking me to leave my gun!”

“No, it’s not. Where we’re going, there probably won’t be Internet service. And when we need a computer, we can use mine.”

“What about other gear?”

He motioned toward the truck. “I’ve got everything we might need.”

“Fine,” she muttered, and he put her bag in the truck while she locked the house.

Rachel was seven years his junior, but today she looked even younger. With her hair pulled into a messy bun and minimal makeup, she could pass for twenty. Had he spotted her on the road, he might’ve mistaken her for a teenager heading down to the beach.

But she wasn’t going to the beach. She was wearing his pretend wedding ring and packing a gun so Milt could thrust them both into the middle of a potentially dangerous situation.

“Why do you do it?” he asked as she climbed in.

She blinked. “You mean, the bag? I told you. I had to bring it. I didn’t have another one.”

“I’m not talking about your suitcase. Why are you in this business?”

She slammed the rusty door of his old truck. “It’s a living, isn’t it?”

A good living. They’d only have to devote ten years to their work to be set for life. But he knew Rachel’s involvement wasn’t entirely about the money. According to what he’d read in her file, and the bit of information she’d revealed, she’d had a difficult childhood with an overbearing father. That made him suspect her attraction to undercover work had something to do with slipping in and out of character, of being anyone she wanted to be except the child who’d known almost nothing of the real world until she was seventeen. She wasn’t comfortable in her own skin, didn’t know who she was or who she wanted to be.

“The danger doesn’t bother you?”

“No more than it bothers you.”

He almost told her to get out. She didn’t need to be mixed up in Ethan Wycliff’s twisted world. The auto accident involving Ethan’s former roommate had left skid marks suggesting he might’ve been run off the road. There were no witnesses to say if he’d swerved to avoid an animal or another car. So the possibility of murder was there. For all they knew, Ethan was as bad as Charles Manson, which made this assignment worse than usual. “Maybe we should try talking some sense into Milt,” he said, suddenly second-guessing his decision to comply with his boss’s orders.

She flashed him her wedding ring. “Too late. You already tried that, anyway. Let’s go.”

His thoughts gravitated to a former Department 6 employee. Enrico had lost his right eye when someone he knew in regular life happened upon him while he was on the job. After that friend inadvertently blew his cover, Enrico had been forced to fight for his life. Nate didn’t want something like that to happen again—to any member of his team, but especially one of the women.

“This could be unpredictable,” he warned.

“They’re all unpredictable.”

“You’re sure you’re up for it?”

“I’m positive.”

“You didn’t seem so certain when you called me a few hours ago.”

“How would you know? You didn’t give me a chance to talk.”

“I’m giving you a chance now.”

“Someone’s got to do this. Might as well be me.”

She was right. Someone had to do it. He doubted Milt would change his mind, anyway. As she’d just said, Nate had already argued with him about it, to no avail.

Ultimately, this was Milt’s decision. And Rachel’s. Not his.

Taking a deep breath, he backed down her long drive. She’d chosen this line of work, applied of her own free will, knowing full well the dangers she’d encounter. And she’d proven herself effective.

While he made the turn onto the winding road that would take them to the highway, she dug through her purse. He had no idea what she was searching for until he smelled the distinctive scent of fingernail polish.

“Hey, that stuff stinks,” he complained.

She pulled off her sandal and hugged her left knee to her chest so she could paint her toenails. “I need to get into character. Rachel Mott is the kind of woman who likes her nails a delicate pink.”

“How do you know?” he countered. “That wasn’t in the dossier.”

“There wasn’t much in the dossier. So I figure the role is subject to interpretation. I’ve got to sell it, make it real.” She moved to the next toenail. “And the way I picture her is sort of sweet and naive and madly in love with her nice but none-too-bright husband.”

He shot her a dark look. Where was she going with this? “Did you say ‘none-too-bright’?” he grumbled, but it was really the “madly in love” part that disturbed him. He didn’t want to get anything started.

“It’s just a role.”

“I don’t mind playing dumb as long as you remember I’m the boss here. Milt’s sending me with you for a reason.”

“I think Milt is sending us together because there’s safety in numbers, not because he expects you to exert your authority while we’re there.”

“He doesn’t need to specify that because I’m already your boss.”

“And I’d never question that.” She gave him a saccharine smile to take the edge off her sarcasm, and he seemed to accept the statement at face value.

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

“Back to that incomplete dossier.” She waved one hand rapidly over her toes. “What was Milt thinking, being so vague?”

“He said he didn’t have a lot of time. He thought we could finish strategizing today while we drove.”

“I’m glad to hear I’ll have some input, because we need to come up with ways to seem more like a real couple.”

What was she up to? He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her, speculating on what it could be. “Such as…”

“I don’t know. Something that makes it appear as if we’ve been together for more than, say…a day.”

He decided to go along with her. “Like what? Like…getting my name tattooed on your neck?”

She didn’t argue as he’d expected; she frowned in contemplation. “Exactly. Only…not on my neck. That’s too…overboard. But maybe my arm.”

“No way! I was joking, and you know it. There’s no telling how long we’ll be there. A fake tattoo might wash off.”

“Which is why it would have to be a real one. Right here.” She indicated her deltoid. “Nathan’s woman.”

She was pushing his buttons. After the way she’d avoided him the past several months, it seemed out of character, but now that they’d been forced into this situation, he wondered if she was overcompensating. “That might be just the thing,” he said, refusing to take the bait.

“As long as it’s designed to be turned into something else when this is all over,” she murmured. “I’ve been meaning to get one, anyway—maybe a skull to impress the drug dealers I usually work with.”

His name—turned into a skull? The kiss of death. The image hit far too close to home. But, of course, she wouldn’t know that. “Tattoos take time to ink and to heal. And they hurt. Are you sure you want to go through all that pain just to put your manager’s name on your arm for one assignment?”

“I could use it afterward. The skull, I mean.”

“Right. You mentioned that.”

“Besides, they can’t hurt too badly if everyone’s getting them.”

He slung one arm over the steering wheel. “They hurt badly enough. Why put yourself through it?” And mar that soft skin, he added silently.

“Good point. Since you’re so tough, you should get the tattoo—my name on your arm.”

No way would he etch a woman’s name on his skin. The permanence of that scared the hell out of him and she knew it. That was partly what told him this was a setup. “Sorry, ain’t gonna happen.”

They reached the highway, and he accelerated as they headed toward Interstate 10, which would eventually take them through Riverside and into Arizona, almost all the way to Portal. “We don’t need tattoos.”

“It’ll take more than simply telling everyone we’re married to make them believe it.”

“You’ve got a ring, don’t you?”

“A ring only signifies that we once exchanged vows. It doesn’t mean we have a close relationship. So…you tell me. How do you want to play this? Do you want us to seem sort of…estranged? Regretful that we tied the knot? On the brink of divorce?” She poked the tiny brush inside the polish and changed feet. “I could win an Oscar I’d be so good at that performance.”

He’d hurt her six months ago, and now she didn’t like him. It bothered him, but it was better to have her not like him than like him too much. At least, that was how he felt most of the time. “That won’t work, not for this. We need to act as if we’re close.” Otherwise, he’d be less capable of protecting her.

“That’s what I thought you’d say. Or you would’ve gone in as my brother, like I wanted you to in the first place.”

So that was what all this was about. She was punishing him, or trying to spook him into changing the nature of their pretend relationship before they arrived in Phoenix and found themselves locked into the arrangement.

He would’ve been more than happy to accommodate her, but he wasn’t sure it’d be any easier to play brother and sister. There was too much sexual tension between them. They ignored it, of course. When he’d rejected her, he’d cut her pride so deeply she’d go without air before she’d ever admit to wanting him again. But since that night in January, the energy that flowed between them had only grown stronger. When they were at the office together, he was aware of every move she made, and he was afraid others were beginning to sense what they both so categorically denied. That kind of interest would hardly seem appropriate between siblings.

“We’ll have a close relationship, but no tattoos,” he reiterated.

She dipped the brush again. “So you’re suggesting we let it all hang on a ring?”

“Works for me.”

Finally dropping the manipulative tactics, she straightened. “Oh, come on. Let’s just say you’re my brother! We don’t even want to get close enough to rub up against each other. How convincing will body language like that be?”

Want had nothing to do with it. He glanced over to tell her they’d just have to improve their acting and caught a glimpse of her dress bunched up around her hips, bare legs plainly visible. Another inch or two and he could’ve spotted her panties.

Rachel wasn’t trying to entice him. That was obvious from her careless attitude. She was so sure he wasn’t interested, she saw no point in being cautious, which wasn’t very wise if they were going to be living together. Maybe he wasn’t in love with her, but that didn’t mean he was blind. He could appreciate her physical assets the same as the next guy.

“Convincing enough, I hope,” he said. “And one other thing.”

She made a careful swipe with the polish, then another. “What’s that?”

He waited for her to look at him. “Unless you want me to knock down that invisible wall you’ve constructed between us, I wouldn’t tease me if I were you. That’s not a punishment I’ll tolerate.”

Her jaw sagged. “Tease you?”

When he shifted his gaze to her legs, his meaning finally seemed to register.

“I’m painting my toenails!” she said. “You think I’m trying to punish you? That I’m trying to do it by arousing you?”

She didn’t have to try. That was the problem. “Just put your dress down,” he said with a scowl. “And leave it there.”

4

She wasn’t the only one nervous about sharing a bedroom. Nate’s grumpiness made that clear. He probably wouldn’t refuse a quick lay if he was in the right mood—he hadn’t refused last time, had he? But he didn’t want her, and he couldn’t be any more obvious about it. She wasn’t willing to get burned a second time. She’d already offered him her heart and soul, and he’d tossed them right back at her. Hell would freeze over before she ever made him that offer again.

Ignoring his order to keep her dress down, she raised it again and proceeded to paint the rest of her toenails. Without shifting her dress she couldn’t do it comfortably. If he thought ordinary behavior constituted teasing, that was his problem. They’d be “married” in name only. Until they moved into the commune, they wouldn’t even share a bedroom.

Soon after she’d finished, the scenery outside changed from the green and brown of the rolling hills surrounding L.A. to the monochrome beige of flat desert. By afternoon, they couldn’t get a radio signal and Rachel lamented the fact that she hadn’t brought her iPod. The only sound, other than the warp of their tires on asphalt, came from the fan of the air conditioner. It hummed at full speed but pumped hot air into the cab. According to Nate, they must’ve lost their coolant somewhere along the highway because he couldn’t get the AC to work any better.

“Why do you still have this old truck?” she grumbled.

“Because I like it. It has character. And it comes in handy for work—and play.”

Besides using it on various undercover jobs—jobs like this one—he sometimes took it four-wheeling with the guys. But she never would’ve agreed to ride with him if she’d thought they’d have to travel without air-conditioning. She would’ve flown into Tucson and had him pick her up there. At least that would’ve eliminated this extended trek across the hottest desert in North America. It had to be one hundred and twenty degrees outside. The truck felt like an oven.

“I can’t believe this,” she complained. “We’re in the Sonoran Desert. It’s the middle of July. And we don’t have air.”

“Roll down your window.”

She did as he suggested. The wind caused strands of her hair to come loose but did little to cool her off. Drops of perspiration rolled down her back and between her breasts. She’d abandoned her sweater long ago. Now she kept raising her skirt over the closest air-conditioning vent to funnel the air up under her dress, which clung miserably to her if she didn’t.

“Do you want me to drive?” she asked, suddenly so restless she felt she couldn’t tolerate another mile.

“I’ve got it,” he said, but when she continued to shift and squirm, he pulled to the shoulder and turned off the engine.

“Change your mind?” she asked.

“No, I’m getting you a cold drink.”

He was hot, too. She could see the dampness of his T-shirt, could smell the slight tang of his sweat—and wished she found it distasteful.

A moment later, her door opened, and he stood there with a bottle of water he’d taken from the cooler in back.

“Thanks.” She reached out, but he twisted off the lid and squeezed it down the front of her dress.

Gasping at the cold, she grabbed hold of the bottle and fought to turn it back on him.

“Hey, I’m just trying to help!” he said, laughing at her futile efforts.

Mad enough at his surprise attack to scramble out and get her own bottle, she flung water at him while he circled the truck to avoid her. She got him by acting as if she’d given up, then pivoting abruptly when he made a move to get in. But he didn’t seem to mind. He merely removed the cap from a third bottle and poured it over his head.

“Better?” He grinned as he dribbled the last few drops over her head.

Knowing she looked bedraggled, she glanced down at her soaking dress. She wasn’t willing to give him any credit, but she did feel cooler. “A water fight. That’s your solution?”

“I enjoyed it,” he said. Then, in a motion that seemed as impulsive as it was unexpected, he used his thumb to stop a drop of water from rolling down to her cleavage.

Rachel caught her breath at the contact. Looking up to see him watching her intently, she stepped out of reach. “It’s my turn to drive,” she said, and hopped in before he could protest.

This was the way Nate liked Rachel best—completely undone. Her hair was a mess, her face devoid of what little makeup she’d put on, her dress damp and wrinkled and hugging every curve. He could even appreciate the thin sheen of sweat on her smooth skin. The dampness caused the soft tendrils of hair at her nape to curl.

God, she was pretty. At times she took his breath away.

“What?” She glanced over as if she could feel his scrutiny and didn’t like it.

“Nothing.” He turned his attention to the rocks, soil and cacti flying past his window. During moments like these, he was so tempted to act on the attraction between them it was all he could do to keep his hands to himself. He wouldn’t have bothered to fight the impulse if she was half as resilient as she pretended to be. But her desire to love him showed in those wide blue eyes every time she looked up at him. He couldn’t take advantage of her vulnerability; he wouldn’t break her heart. He, of all people, knew what could happen if he did.

“We haven’t talked about Portal,” she said.

He adjusted his seat belt. “There’s not a lot to say about Portal. It’s a very small town.”

“How small?”

“Maybe fifty people, mostly ranchers, artists, bird-watchers and nature enthusiasts. Paradise used to be even smaller than Portal, until the Covenanters moved in.”

“Why aren’t we starting off in a bigger place?”

“The closest town with any significant population is Willcox. They have about thirty-five hundred people, but it’s an hour and a half from Paradise. I felt that was too far and we’d have trouble making contact with the cult.”

She fought the wind whipping at her hair by anchoring several loose strands behind her ears. “But how can a cement contractor expect to earn a living amid fifty ranchers, artists and bird-watchers? I doubt they’re the type to pay for a lot of concrete work.”

“I’m actually playing an out-of-work contractor. With the downturn in the economy, I’ve decided to go after my real aspirations—photographing wildlife. I’ll be taking pictures for a coffee-table book I hope to sell.”

Her eyebrows slid up. “Did you bring a camera?”

“Of course.”

“Nice thinking. Except that doesn’t explain to others where we get the money to eat and pay rent.”

“We’ve recently inherited a small sum from your grandfather.”

“That wasn’t in the dossier, either,” she pointed out.

“I just made it up before we left. We have this inheritance and we’re using it to spend a year in Portal to take photographs for my book, hoping to recoup expenses when we sign a big deal.”

“Okay, so you’re an aspiring photographer. What am I going to say I do?”