Courting Her Amish Heart

Chapter Two

Kathleen shifted on the buggy seat as Noah settled next to her. When he flicked the reins and the horse stepped forward, her stomach lurched in tandem with the buggy.

What was wrong with her? She had countered doctors senior to her when a patient was at risk, even grouchy Dr. Wilson. She had taught an undergraduate class. She had stood shoulder to shoulder with other doctors in an operating room.

Or was it this handsome Amish man sitting next to her? Couldn’t be. It had to be returning home.

This was her family. Who loved her. And that was the problem. It was one thing to have an arrogant doctor think ill of her, but quite different to have her family view her poorly. That would hurt too much.

Kathleen sat up a little straighter. Regardless of her family’s reaction, Gott had called her to this path. She had done nothing wrong in His eyes. And wasn’t He the one who mattered most?

Noah turned off the road and into her driveway. “Everything will be well. You’ll see.”

She hoped so. And strangely his words comforted her.

Like the other homes, solar panels sat on the roof.

A tricolor Australian shepherd loped from the barn, barking, announcing their arrival. A dozen or so chickens squawked and scattered.

Noah pulled to a stop and set the brake. When he got out, the dog pranced and leapt around him. “Sit.”

The dog raced a few feet away and tore back just as fast.

Making his voice more ominous, he repeated his command. “Sit!” When the dog finally obeyed, it settled at Noah’s feet, still wiggling as though it might burst. Noah tousled the shepherd around the neck. “What are you doing here? You should be at home guarding my sheep.”

Kathleen stepped down. “This is your dog?”

“Ja. She’s still young. My other two are supposed to be keeping an eye on her and training her. She does well while I’m on the farm but strays when I’m not there.”

She bent toward the dog. “What’s her name?”

“Kaleidoscope, on account of her eye.”

She looked at the dog’s eyes more closely. One brown and the other a patchwork of blues. “Are all your dogs this same breed?”

“I have a black Belgian sheepdog and a black-and-tan Cardigan Welsh corgi.”

The Australian shepherd rolled onto her back.

Kathleen obliged by rubbing her tummy. “How old is she?”

“Almost eleven months. She has a lot of growing up to do.”

“Noah!” a man called from the barn.

Kathleen froze. Was that her dat’s voice? She remained crouched with the dog and stole a glance out of the corner of her eye. The man walking toward them was too young to be her dat. Benjamin? He’d grown into a man.

The screen door of the house creaked, and her mutter spoke. “Noah, so glad you have come. Who have you brought?”

Air lodged in Kathleen’s lungs. She could breathe neither in nor out.

Kaleidoscope flipped from her back to her feet and ran for Benjamin. Fool dog. She was Kathleen’s excuse for not looking directly at anyone.

“Someone you’re eager to see,” Noah said in a light tone. His deep voice brushed over her, calming some of her nerves.

Still looking at the ground, Kathleen saw three pairs of smallish women’s shoes come into view. Her mum and sisters?

The time had come. Taking a deep breath, Kathleen stood and gazed directly into her mum’s face.

Her mum’s smile dropped, and her mouth slipped open. “Kathleen? My Kathleen?”

Kathleen nodded. “Ja, Mum.”

Mum cupped her face in both hands. “You’re home.” Her eyes glistened.

“I’m home.” Kathleen’s eyes filled with tears as well.

“I cannot believe this.” Mum pulled her into her arms. “Finally, my child has returned.”

After a moment, Ruby’s arms wrapped around her and Mum.

“Is that my girl?” Her dat’s voice came from beside her.

Both women released her, and her mum spoke. “Noah has brought our Kathleen home.”

Strangely, she liked the sound of that. Noah had brought her.

Beside Dat stood Benjamin, who had grown into a strapping young man, as well as Joshua and a gangly Samuel.

Dat gave her a pat on the shoulder in greeting. Exuberant for him. “You know Benjamin and Joshua, but you’ve not met Samuel.”

How old were they all now? She counted in her head. Benjamin would be twenty, Joshua eighteen, and Samuel thirteen. She’d missed so much.

Her brothers each gave a nod.

“Pleased to meet you, Samuel.”

He gave her another nod.

Mum hooked her arm around Kathleen. “You remember Ruby.”

Her twenty-one-year-old sister smiled. “Of course she does. It’s Jessica she might have forgotten. She was only one when you left.”

Fifteen-year-old Jessica was the spitting image of Mum.

Kathleen took one of Jessica’s hands and held it in both of hers. “Naturally I remember you. I carried you around wherever I went.”

Mum gave half a laugh. “She was quite put out when you left. No one could console her.” Her words weren’t said as an admonishment but in loving kindness.

Jessica gave Kathleen a quick hug. “Welcome home.”

“Supper will be ready in an hour,” Mum said. “Noah, you’ll stay and eat with us.”

Not a question but a command.

He chuckled. “I’d love to.”

His laugh warmed Kathleen.

Mum shooed the men away. “Get your work finished so you won’t keep supper waiting.”

The men—including Noah, leading his horse and buggy—tromped off toward the barn.

Noah glanced over his shoulder as he walked away, and a smile jumped to Kathleen’s mouth.

Ruby grasped the handle of the suitcase.

Kathleen reached for it. “I can get that.”

“Nonsense. You’ve had a long trip.” Ruby struck out across the yard toward the house.

Mum snatched Kathleen’s backpack of medical supplies off the bumping suitcase. And when her coat slid to the ground, Jessica retrieved that. With nothing left for Kathleen to carry, she followed in their wake.

She basked in her family’s love. All her trials, doubts and time away would be worth the heartache she’d endured to finally be able to help her people.

Jessica and Samuel might be strangers to her, and she to them, but she looked forward to getting to know them.

Standing shoulder to shoulder with her mutter and sisters in the kitchen was both familiar and foreign to Kathleen. The other three obviously had their regular tasks and worked in harmony. Kathleen was more of a hindrance than a help until Mum sat her at the table to snap the green beans. In time, she would ease back into the flow of the goings-on in and around the house. Hopefully, that wouldn’t take too long.

* * *

Noah washed up at the outside spigot with the Yoder men. He had always been welcomed at their table. Even more so since losing Rachel three years ago.

He followed the others inside and sat across the table from Kathleen. Though the shortest of the Yoder women, Kathleen was similar in height to the rest. All between about five-two and five-five. Why had he ever imagined her to be so much taller? And assumed she wouldn’t be so pretty?

Seeing Kathleen sitting in the usually empty place always set for her seemed strange. She was finally here to fill the void she’d left. He’d never known this table with her physically here. Her presence had always been felt, even when she wasn’t mentioned, by the fact of the vacant chair and unused place setting.

After David said grace, each person filled their plates. Everyone chattered easily except Kathleen. She quietly ate while appearing to enjoy the conversations around her. He tried to listen as she did, a person who had been away for nearly a decade and a half.

Partway through the meal, Samuel asked, “Do we have to call you Doctor now?”

The room became silent. This was what Kathleen had likely feared. Noah wanted to speak up to save Kathleen from having to answer. But why? She was more or less a stranger to him. There was something about her that drew him in. Made him want to protect her.

But her vater spoke up. “We’ll discuss that another time.”

Smoothly avoided, but obviously a tender subject.

Kathleen set her fork down. “I don’t mind answering. You are my family. I’m still Kathleen.”

Samuel turned back to his plate. One by one, everyone else did the same. Except Kathleen. She looked at each person around the table, then settled her gaze on Noah. He couldn’t read her expression, but it flickered between hope and discouragement. He could almost read her thoughts. If her family couldn’t accept her being a doctor, how would the rest of the community?

Kathleen averted her gaze first, picking up her fork again and stacking several green beans on it. Nothing but the soft clinking of silverware on plates, swallowing of milk and breathing. The silence in the room resounded as loud as hail pelting the roof.

How much opposition could she take before she gave up? Though not overt opposition, it was opposition nonetheless. How could such a small slip of a woman stand against the whole community? They would wear her down even though what she was offering could help the community greatly. He ached to help her. But what could he say? It wasn’t his place. But still he longed to.

After a couple of minutes of the painful silence, and Kathleen shifting in her seat, she spoke up. “How’s the garden faring this year?”

Pamela’s shoulders relaxed. “It’s doing very well. We’ve planted several new fruit trees since you—in the past few years.”

So that was how it was going to be. Would everyone in the community pretend Kathleen had never left? Pretend she hadn’t gone to college? Pretend she wasn’t a licensed doctor?

He sighed. Too bad Kathleen had caved under the pressure of silence. What would she do if the leadership decided to shun her for her actions? She would give up for sure. But the table conversation relaxed back into typical Amish discussions about farms and gardens, horses and canning, and barn raisings and quilting. She had put order back into the meal.

Later at home, Noah stared into the mirror. He should have shaved off his beard years ago, but since he never planned to marry again, he didn’t see the need. The Lord had been niggling him for months to do it, but he’d ignored the prodding.

The image of Kathleen sprang to his mind. She’d mistakenly thought he had a wife.

It was time. He opened the mirror cabinet over the sink and retrieved scissors, a disposable razor and shaving cream. He pinched his two-inch brown chin whiskers between his thumb and index finger and poised the scissors to snip.

Several breaths passed.

Releasing his beard, he lowered the shears. Was he ready to completely let go of Rachel and their child?

Lord, I know I need to let them go. I should be ready, but I’m not. Please heal my heart.

How many times had he asked that of Gott? Enough times to fill his barn.

He leaned his hands on the cold porcelain of the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. What was wrong with him that he was still hurting after all this time? Gott should be all sufficient for him, so why this empty place still inside? He’d given over his anguish and disappointment each day many, many times, yet every morning they were back like old friends to keep him company.

Too bad Kathleen didn’t have something in her medicine bag to fix his heart. What ailed him couldn’t be remedied by human efforts. Only by Gott.

But somehow, Kathleen’s return had helped. Strange.

It was time. Raising the shears once again, he snipped one clump of whiskers after another.

* * *

After helping to clean up the kitchen, Kathleen sat with her family in the living room for the evening devotional. The hymns rattled around in her brain. She stumbled over the once-familiar words. They would come back to her.

She had missed this time of day to connect with her family. The last fourteen years of evenings had been spent either poring over medical texts, working in a hospital, or sleeping after coming off a double or triple shift. Exhaustion had been her constant companion. The slower pace of life would be a welcome change as well as the routine of a regular schedule, knowing what to expect from one day to the next.

After the Bible reading, discussion and closing prayer, Dat said, “Time for bed.”

Her younger siblings all stood, as did Kathleen. “Where will I be sleeping?”

Ruby put her arm around Kathleen’s shoulder. “Your bed’s still in our room.”

Mum tucked her sewing into her basket. “Benjamin took your things up earlier.”

Kathleen patted her sister’s hand. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

Her brothers and sisters tromped up the stairs, and Kathleen sat back down. She wanted to remain standing but didn’t want her parents to feel as though she were lording over them.

Dat leaned forward with a warm expression. “We can’t tell you how pleased we are to have you back. We prayed for you every day while you were gone.”

“I felt them. Knowing you were praying helped me make it through.”

Mum leaned forward. “We wanted to write more.”

“I know.” Kathleen had received letters the first year or so, then came the letter that said it would be the last. The bishop had requested that they not write her anymore because it would encourage her wayward behavior. Though she hadn’t understood the bishop’s reasoning, the letter hadn’t been a surprise. He would be the toughest of all to convince of the worthiness of her plan.

Dat continued. “We always respected that you needed to make your own decisions.”

The point of Rumspringa. But she had taken it to an extreme by staying away for fourteen years, just short of half her life, though it felt like more. She wished it hadn’t had to be so long, but it had been a necessity to earn her medical degree.

“We appreciate you telling Samuel to call you Kathleen. We must ask you not to refer to yourself as Doctor around the younger ones. They might get the idea we condone your actions and wish it for them as well.”

She knew that was a concern and made what she was about to ask all that much harder for them to agree to.

Mum spoke up. “We’re proud of you and don’t want to tell you what to do. You must make your own choices, but we don’t want the others encouraged to do the same. You were always strong-minded and strong in your faith. I always believed that you would return home.”

Her dat cautioned her further about the church leadership being displeased with her actions. Was Noah disapproving of her actions as well? She hoped not.

She took a deep breath. “I have a request to make.” Her parents waited for her to continue, and she did. “I need a place to set up my clinic.”

Both her parents leaned back stiffly in their seats.

She hurried on before they could turn her down before hearing her plan. “I want permission to build a small clinic in the side yard. You won’t have to do anything. I’ll get all the materials and organize the building of it.”

After her parents stared at each other for a moment, her dat spoke. “What about the church leaders?”

She’d hoped to start building before they realized what she was up to, but she could see that wouldn’t be possible. “I’ll speak to them after the next community Sunday service. But until then, there wouldn’t be anything wrong with putting up a small building on the property. I would like to start staking it out tomorrow.”

After a moment of silence, Dat said, “I suppose it would be all right to stake it out, but nothing more until you get approval.”

He’d said until and not if. He must believe she would get it. “Danki.”

“And community church is in three days.”

Three days? Kathleen had hoped she was returning with more than a week to polish her planned speech to the leaders. But she supposed that was for the best. No point in putting it off. The sooner she got started the sooner she could start helping people. She went up to bed.

Ruby and Jessica, though in bed, were sitting up, waiting for her. She removed her kapp and readied herself for bed.

“Tell us all about living in the English world. What was it like going to university?”

“It was very lonely. People go about doing all manner of things and don’t have time for others. They stare at their phones all the time, even when they’re talking to you. They bustle around at a frenzied rate. I could hardly catch my breath.” Dat and Mum couldn’t have issues with that. Nor the bishop. She had told the truth. “Every day I wanted to be back here with all of you.” She flipped the switch on the wall to turn off the light and climbed into bed.

She smiled to herself. How could something like electric lights and electricity make her feel spoiled? After living in the English world for so long, there were some conveniences she didn’t want to give up.

She should thank whoever decided solar panels would be a gut thing in her Amish community. So many communities didn’t allow electricity in any form. Electricity wouldn’t distract people from being close to Gott but help their lives be easier so they could focus more on Him.

Her eyes popped open in the dark. Those weren’t Amish thoughts. Watch out, Kathleen, or you’ll appear too English. Then Noah would disapprove.

Chapter Three

Kathleen woke at five with the image of Noah Lambright at the forefront of her mind. She had been unable to sleep any longer, her nerves on edge. Because she hadn’t been around her people for so long, had she grown slack in using careless words? Would she say something inappropriate for her Amish brethren? Would she say something to Noah—or someone else—beyond repair? There seemed to be so many ways she could slip up. Lord, guard my lips so I don’t say anything that will make another stumble in their faith.

She climbed out of bed, dressed quietly in a green dress and tiptoed downstairs. In the first-floor bathroom, she wrangled her hair and pinned it to the back of her head then pulled on her white kapp. She would ask Mum if she was putting her hair up right.

Coffee. She required coffee. She put water and grounds in the machine and turned it on. How she’d come to depend on caffeine. Most days, she literally lived on it. She should wean herself down to one or two cups in the morning. For today, she needed to get started right away to rid herself of the caffeine headache already edging its way in. She thanked the Lord again for electricity.

Her first order of business would be to stake out her clinic in the side yard.

As the coffee maker finished filling, Dat entered the kitchen. “I thought I heard someone up. I knew it wasn’t your mum. She’ll be down in a minute.”

She held up a cup and the carafe. “Want some?”

“Of course.”

Kathleen filled the mug and handed it to him. She filled a second cup and set it on the table for Mum. Then poured one for herself and added two teaspoons of sugar. Too hot to drink. She breathed in the aroma and could feel the caffeine taking effect already. Was Noah drinking coffee at this moment as well? She dared a small sip of the hot brew. “Dat, do you have stakes and string I could use to plan my clinic?”

“In the barn. I’ll put them on the front porch along with a hammer after I finish my before-breakfast chores.”

A thrill went through her. He hadn’t said ne. “Danki.”

Mum came into the kitchen. “I thought I smelled coffee.”

Kathleen pointed to the cup on the table. “That one’s cooling for you.”

“Danki, dear.” She brought it to her face and inhaled deeply, much as Kathleen had done. Some family ties stayed with a person regardless of time and distance.

Dat swigged down the rest of his coffee. “I’ll go milk. Be back soon.” He walked out.

She turned to Mum. “How does he do that without scalding himself?”

Mum chuckled. “I think he turned his mouth and throat to leather so many years ago, he can’t feel hot or cold anymore. It’s a wonder he can taste anything at all.” Her mouth exploded into a smile. “I can’t believe you’re finally home.” With her cup still in hand, she stepped forward and hugged Kathleen.

“I can’t believe it either.”

Mum released her and wiped her own eyes with her fingertips. “I didn’t expect you to be up already. I thought maybe you’d sleep in.”

Sleep had eluded her most of the night. It had been a long time since a full eight hours was available for her to sleep. Her body wasn’t used to it. It would take time, but she would adjust. “I’m not used to staying in bed for more than three or four hours at a time.”

“That’s awful. How can you function with so little sleep?”