Confession of a Ghost. F.M. Dostoevsky award. Playing Another Reality

Grape Picker

Somewhere in the Universe

“This is Love,” the Guardian smiled by House No. 5. “The Sphere of your Heart and Creativity. On the earthly level, it means your children, on the Heavenly one – paintings, books and other works of art, creations of the soul thanks to earthly and heavenly love. Information about those you’ll love, about children and the memory that you’ll leave to your descendants.”

“I hope to find my happiness at least here!”

“I didn’t promise you happiness,” the Guardian replied thoughtfully.

“You said some leeches must be in this Sphere! Although I don’t know what they are!”

I pulled the doorknob, closed my eyes, stepped inside and opened my eyes on a cloud! Curly clouds were floating all around us in the light blue sky. Like children, we plopped down on one of them and sailed into the distance.

“Amazing!” I exclaimed. “Can I turn the clouds into air castles while we are sailing?”

“Welcome to the Sphere of Creativity!”

So a castle with 7 towers, each in its own color, appeared as a house for my heart. After it I built a lilac one with 12 towers to have a rest there in solitude. And more, I wanted to create a magical garden with wonderful animals and birds!

“House No. 5 falls into the Sign of Libra, Venus manages it. She is not here, but she gives the sense of harmony and the opportunity to realize creative potential, inclines to participate in collective events, join creative unions. You’ll like cultural events. Excellent artistic abilities will pull you onto the stage. What would you paint, my soul?”

“Our World, ourselves before incarnation. Well, Library of the Universe!”

“If you wish, you’ll become a master in any field of creative expression. With pleasure, you’ll shape the artistic taste of children, instilling in them diverse interests. As for religion, outward attributes are important to you, such as singing, burning candles, the smell of incense, icons and liturgy. The outward doesn’t always match the inward. In striving for judging and peacemaking, don’t forget that only God can judge others.”

“What about love?”

“You are prone to flirting and falling in love, but people who are not interested in arts won’t be interesting to you.”

“I’m already eager to love very much!”

“An open manifestation of tender feelings doesn’t threaten you, but your House No. 5 begins in the degree of loneliness, Saturn and Pluto. It’s a symbol of tragic loss and bereavement. You’ll lose those you’ll truly love, and what your heart will be attached to. This degree is called ‘The burning fireplace in an abandoned house’.”

“No!” I screamed and tears slowly rolled down from my eyes.

Suddenly, the man in black appeared out of the clouds right in front of us. I got up, and we hovered in the air, looking into each other’s eyes. He was radiating magical rays of attraction, and pleasant waves ran through my astral body, while he only briefly introduced himself,

“Pluto.”

His intonation was so enveloping soft and frighteningly mysterious that I was scared to realize that I had already and completely been under his control. Smiling back, I caught the most beautiful castle – with my heart, and handed it to him. Pluto took my gift and right in front of me…

“What’s?!” I exclaimed, clinging to the Guardian and sobbing with resentment. “How could he do that? Why did he destroy my castle?”

Pluto laughed, something diabolical was in his laughter. He handed me a glass filled to the brim.

“Well, sorry, darling! Drink wine for our acquaintance!”

I thought that the ruined castle had been an accident or a joke, and Pluto was good, but the wine turned out to be very bitter.

“What’s this?” I asked the Guardian.

“The Cup of Pain.”

“A slow-acting poison,” Pluto clarified. “It’ll slowly kill you throughout the incarnation. Or rather, it’s me to be killing you slowly but surely.”

“You are evil!” I screamed and covered my face with my hands in helplessness.

“You guessed it! I’m the Lord of the Kingdom of the Dead, in severe opposition to your life-giver, the Sun. Taking away your energy, not allowing you to shine, not recognizing your personality, I’ll mock your soul in every possible way, but you are drawn to me, aren’t you?” Pluto chuckled.

Suddenly, a woman in a black dress with sparkling stars appeared next to him. She looked like a vampire and took Pluto by the hand, turning to me with a grin.

“Don’t be deceived, Rukh. There’s a stamp in your passport, I’m in conjunction with Pluto for all your earthly life. People call me the Grape Picker. I’m the star of loss, taking away everything that one grows with love. When any fruit of your love or creativity is ripe, I’ll come and pick it! It’ll never be yours! Never! Remember!”

The woman clung to Pluto, and they disappeared in an instant.

Library of the Universe

“A fixed star of the second magnitude, Vindemiatrix,” the Guardian commented. “Leeches are vampire creatures that parasitize on a person, feeding on vital energy, which leads to a slow loss of strength and depression. People will mock, torture you in every possible way, stab in the back, deprive of something or someone. Vindemiatrix creates a double-faced environment, isolates and takes away happiness. The star of widowhood, infertility, sudden deaths. Pluto, the Lord of the Kingdom of the Dead, serves to Vindemiatrix, and you have them in conjunction. However, Vindemiatrix has the features of Mercury, who is responsible for the Word and the Mind, and gives a penchant for mysticism and Secret Knowledge, patronizes business and architecture. The star of people with strong spirit and of strong-willed ones. It’s not all that bad.”

“Is it really?! Tell me, what and where is good? We’ve already visited the 5th of the 12 Spheres of life!”

“Your 5th Sphere is gigantic. We’ve just started to get through it. Anyway, it’s good in the desert, there is nothing that could be taken away, and no one to hurt you,” the Guardian glanced at the opened page of my book. “Not a children’s story. Having a tendency to calculate options, try to remember the Grape Picker in time.”

I read the story “Stillborn”, in which the main character killed his mistress in order to get their long-awaited newborn daughter.

“My mother told me the truth! How much did you pay your friend, the doctor, to kill her and declare me ‘dead’? Who was killed and buried then instead of me? You didn’t even show up for the funeral, daddy, while her husband, every year on my birthday, orders a prayer for the repose of my soul in Heaven as for the dead!”

Stairs

Ouranoupoli

I got on the ship. Nobody seemed to notice me. I looked at the world with another vision, for example, I saw the glow of people, different in saturation and shades; pillars of Light over the Athos monasteries, each had its own. The people on the ship were photographing the earthly beauty and impatiently awaiting the arrival of the relics… A boat set sail from the foot of the Holy Mountain, and soon the monks of the Dionysiou Monastery boarded the ship. People lined up to venerate the miraculous icon of the “Virgin Mary of the Akathist”. I stood next to the icon in an empty place so as not to disturb anyone, and prayed mentally. Suddenly, a little girl, kissing the icon, whispered to her mother, pointing at me, “Look, what a strange lady!” The woman didn’t notice my presence and was even afraid for her daughter. I moved to the deck a level higher and found myself right in front of the Mountain. The clouds of white-winged angels parted, exposing its top, and I saw a dazzling Stairway going up!

Moscow

As I stepped out of the lift, I bumped into the ghost of my neighbor’s husband. We greeted each other, and I remembered that I had seen him at the Information Desk in the Heavenly Office.

“I’m waiting for my Lena,” he sighed.

“Do you know when I left here?”

“Nine days ago. What’s the point of your coming back?”

“I need to remember something here.”

“Sometimes it’s better not to remember,” the ghost said sadly.

Out of habit, I tried to get the keys out of my bag, but ended slipping inside with my eyes shut.

“Ugh,” I breathed out as I opened my eyes.

“Hi,” Ray greeted me in the hallway. “Make yourself at home, but don’t forget that you are a guest. Pay attention to the unusual.”

I glanced appraising the room and exhaled – there were only icons. Alive icons, the Saints and the Virgin Mary looked at me, obviously trying to awaken my memory, but I went into the kitchen and sat down on the windowsill thoughtfully.

“Well,” Ray said cryptically, “not bad. And…?”

“And what?” I got worried.

“What happened next?” he asked, coming closer to me.

“Ray, no, I couldn’t!” I jumped off the windowsill onto the tiled floor.

“They decided so,” Ray sat down next to me. “The church doesn’t deal with death like that.”

“Are you saying someone threw me out?”

“Since childhood, you’ve had the tendency to the window. When your memory was erased, life became unbearable as the day of groundhog. You wished death, but patiently waited for it, sitting on the windowsill by the open window.”

“The handle! There is no handle on the right window sash!” I noticed.

“It was already half broken at that moment. It was raining that night, a devil came to you and once again tried to inspire you to step down. The Guardian Angel was there, but suddenly…”

“My God, did I slip? And the handle, as the only thing I could hold on to, came off! They must have found it, there, on the ground, torn off … in my … well… hand … or nearby!”

“The handle might have been missing before. Everyone knew about your inclination, it never occurred to anyone that you had slipped.”

“They know everything in Heaven! There, in the Court of Judgment, I saw a huge screen on which my life is scrolled.”

“Not only actions and words are being judged, thoughts and desires as well.”

“That’s terrible, Ray. What can I do now without my body and voice?”

“Some people hear and see us. Shortly before the memory loss, you wanted to do something, I’m forbidden to tell you what it was, but it was your sincere wish. You need to fulfill it. I don’t know how, and whether it can affect the Court’s verdict. Come back here, dig into things.”

“There’s nothing but icons here!” I was surprised.

“You passed by the second room. The fear of pain clouds your vision so much that you stubbornly don’t notice many things.”

I returned to the corridor and found a door with a lock.

“Courage! What is there to be afraid of now?” Ray pushed me inside, and there was a mountain of things piled on top of each other from floor to ceiling.

“Oh,” I burst out. “How many days will it take me? I can’t get in time, Ray! Where did all the stuff come from? What are these things?”

“Trying is not torture. The torture’s in Hell in a frying pan.”

“Is it very hot in Hell?” I asked with an eye to the future.

“Unbearable. Shall we drink tea?”

Ouranoupoli

“Alice, jump!” Leah exclaimed when she saw me coming back from the Athos’ border. “Let’s see your Stairs!”

“Wow! It’s amazing!”

“I didn’t expect it either,” said Janis, coming up to us. “Both devils and souls are painted in details.”

Janis returned to the customers, Leah brought coffee and asked me,

“Jacob’s Ladder?”

“He has a different one. Jacob is the 3rd Old Testament Patriarch, the son of the Patriarch Isaac and Rebecca, revered in Christianity, Judaism and Islam. He fought with the angel and after it was transformed and acquired a new name, Israel. He dreamed about the Ladder connecting Heaven and Earth, of 12 steps, with human faces on both sides and fiery faces at the top. The angel told Jacob the meaning of each step, but Jacob’s Ladder is interpreted as Christ’s descent to Earth – the incarnation of the Spirit into matter by passing 12 steps, I would say, 12 Spheres, the path from Heaven to Earth. It’s also a symbol of the Virgin, as the Akathist says, ‘Rejoice, Heavenly Ladder, by which God came down’. Jacob had 12 sons, the founders of the tribes. He lived 147 years. According to Egyptian customs, his body was embalmed by his children and transported to the Promised Land of Canaan for burial in the Cave in Hebron.”

“Where is it?”

“Hebron, or Kiryat Arba, the City of Four, not far from Jerusalem. The oldest of the 4 holy cities for the Jews, where King David was anointed to the kingdom. It’s divided into 2 parts, 20%, including the Cave of the Patriarchs, belongs to Israel, and 80% belongs to Palestine.”

“Have you been in that Cave? Well, tell me about it!”

“The Cave of the Patriarchs, or Machpela, is translated as ‘Double Cave’. They say whoever descends into it, immediately goes to the Kingdom of the Dead, or Paradise. Remember the icon of Abraham and Sarah, treating the angels. It looks like an icon of the Trinity. So, it was in Hebron that God appeared to Abraham and Sarah in the form of three strangers and told the good news – they would get a son. They had no children for a long time, perhaps because Sarah was Abraham’s half-sister. Abraham wanted to feed the wanderers with a calf, but it ran to the Cave. Abraham caught up with the animal, discovered the tombs of Adam and Eve, from which the Heavenly Light and the wonderful smell of Paradise emanated, and felt that Heaven and Earth were united in the Cave. By the way, ‘Hebron’ comes from the word ‘connection’. After the death of Sarah, Abraham bought a field with the Cave for the burial of his beloved wife. He was buried nearby.”

“Next to Adam and Eve?”

“Where, according to legend, God himself buried Adam, who had previously buried Eve there, and where the entrance to Paradise was located. Abraham lived about 175 years, the first of the 3 Patriarchs after the Flood. The second, the son of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac, was buried there with his wife Rebecca. The son of Isaac, Jacob, was the one who saw the Ladder of 12 steps. Both he and his wife Leah …”

“Leah? That’s my name! What does the Cave look like?”

“Visually, the structure above the Cave resembles the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. They say it was built by King Herod 2,000 years ago, the outer walls are about 12 meters high, and the stones in the lower part are about 7.5 meters long. The territory is divided into two parts, in proportion approximately like Hebron itself, there is a mosque and a synagogue. Each has a separate entrance. Since 1967, the entrance to the Cave has been open to tourists 24 hours per day, but you can’t get into the underground part. There are symbolic tombstones inside the mosque and the synagogue.”

“Has no one ever gone down there?” Leah was disappointed.

“The entrance to the lower part was walled up by the Arabs in the 10th century. In the mosque, in the hall of Isaac, there is a small hole in the floor, 28 centimeters in diameter. Every morning it is opened and a burning lamp is lowered into the dungeon. One day a little girl was sent there to explore and measure the lower floor with steps. She saw the graves and a corridor leading to the next room. Several people entered the dungeon in a different way and found not one, but two levels connected by corridors, but the lower level was filled with earth to the top.”

“It’s a pity!” Leah sighed. “Although, the cave-like conditions help keep the bodies incorruptible. Remember the Seven Youths of Ephesus. If people enter inside, they’ll tear apart the bones, try to get them together after that! What Ladder was painted for you?”

“In the 6th century, the hegumen of the Sinai Monastery, the Monk John, originally from Constantinople, but moved to Egypt, where he spent 40 years as a hermit in the desert, wrote the book ‘The Stairs’, or ‘The Paradise Stairs’, ‘The Spiritual Tablets’. There are 30 steps of ascent to God in it, and the book, originally written for monks, is a guide to spiritual self-improvement. Each step means the renunciation of one of the earthly passions and the acquisition of the quality needed for the ascent to the Light. The 23 steps are dedicated to the fight against sins, and the 7 higher ones to the acquisition of virtues, the highest is the union of Faith, Hope and Love.”

“In a Greek book about the Posthumous Ordeals, there are exactly 23 tests. There is an icon ‘The 7 Pillars of Faith’!”

“They calculate 20 Ordeals in Russia. If one goes into detail, it could be even 40. John himself is depicted the closest to God on the Stairs with a scroll of his manuscript “The Stairs”. On the icon, John is without halo, since he hasn’t yet reached Christ, there are 3 steps left. Behind him, in white robes, the abbot Anthony of the same Sinai monastery is ascending. He lived 5 centuries later. They began to paint the icon when the book had already been published. St. Catherine’ monastery in Sinai keeps an icon of the 12th century.”

“Why are devils taking monks with their hooks and loops, while the angels are silently looking at that from Heaven?”

“They are praying, and their prayer has great power, Leah! But neither angels nor devils can press on a person, forcing to make a decision. The devils only whisper bad thoughts, tempt, incline the soul towards Evil. On the right of the icon, the monks, still living on Earth, look at the Stairs, as if trying the way on themselves, will they reach Heavens? Many have seen the Stairs and the Ordeals in dreams.”

“Alice, do you believe in devils, Ordeals?”

“I believe that everyone will get their own, and after death we’ll see life in all its glory, and we’ll be tested for attraction to earthly things. My grandmother, 10 days before her death, said that sorcerers and devils came to her, gnawed at her, dragged her to them torturing in every way. Perhaps the devils are a convention, but …”

“What will be in case of the balance between our Good and Evil?”

“One soul, when the door to Heaven was already opened, refused God and went to the Devil, because that soul liked the Evil. If we are given the right to choose during our lifetime, it’s unlikely to be taken away afterwards.”

“How long is the trial?”

“Some monks saw the Saints instantly overcoming the Stairs. The speed of passage is different for everyone. I think 40 days are set not for nothing.”

“It turns out that there are several Ladders! The Jacob’s one has 12 steps down, the John’s has 30 steps up, right? And we have 40 days. Are there 20 or 23 steps of the Ordeals?”

“Time is a conditional concept, and the Ladder is one only, with uninterrupted movement in both directions – the descent of the soul into the body, its way on Earth, and the return to Heaven.”

Janis returned to us and handed me a book.

“A gift for you from Archimandrite Ignatius! Published by the cell of St. Nicholas for pilgrims, translated into Russian, only for sale on Mount Athos. Let’s see the photos from the monasteries where I was yesterday!”

Tower of Ouranoupoli

“How are you, Alice?” Joice asked.