Take It Back

Every so often, one or the other would pause, asking her questions she couldn’t understand. One mimed the act of tapping on a keyboard but Sameena simply shrugged, pretending not to understand their search for a laptop. She caught the exasperation edging into his tone, the subtle roll of his eyes, the silent implication: Stupid woman. You stupid old woman.

They spent an hour meticulously combing her home. The fat policeman handed her a pile of papers, emphasising some lines of small black text. With a final sigh of annoyance, he gathered the last bag and walked out the door, leaving it open behind him.

Sameena shut it with trembling hands. She made herself some tea and sat on the sweaty leather sofa, mindlessly swirling the cup in her hands. In a low voice, she recited prayers of gratitude, thankful that she’d had time to clear his room and hide his sins.

It was when the clock struck nine that she heard the front door whine open. Her husband, Irfan, walked in, his thin frame hunched against the falling darkness. Hassan trailed in behind him. Sameena hurried to the corridor, biting down her anguish. She embraced her son and wrapped a protective arm around his head.

‘What is happening?’ she asked.

‘Kuthain-okol.’ Irfan swore, a low growl that rippled with anger. ‘A girl from his school is accusing them of such besharam things. And these police – they just believe anything she says.’

Sameena’s nails dug into her palms. ‘What things? What’s happening?’

‘Mum, calm down,’ said Hassan. ‘It’s nothing to worry about.’ His voice sounded strangely hollow as if reading from a script. ‘Some girl at school said she got pushed around by me and the boys. It’s not true, so it’s fine. There are four of us and one of her. It’s our word against hers. And everyone already knows that she’s crazy.’

‘But why is she saying these things?’

Hassan shrugged. ‘I don’t know why but you don’t need to worry about it.’

Sameena threw up her hands. She cooked, cleaned and ran the home but every time there were important decisions to be made, she was told ‘you don’t need to worry’. Well, she did worry. And when her son was dragged to the police station in broad daylight with no stronger defence than his kitchen porter father, she most definitely worried.

‘Why would she say such a thing? The police don’t just barge into someone’s home without reason!’

Hassan’s voice rose a register. ‘They were here?’

Sameena gripped his shoulder. ‘Yes, but don’t worry. They didn’t find anything.’

He jerked out from under her hand. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Jahanara’s mum told me what these police do, so I took all your things and washed all your clothes. If they say they found something, I will know they planted it.’

Hassan sucked in a short breath. ‘What did they take?’

‘Your TV and some of your father’s clothes. Everything else I took from your room.’

Hassan almost laughed – a sound that was strange and strangled. ‘Mum, you’re crazy. What did you hide?’

She pictured the items in the Tupperware box. ‘Your laptop, that old games machine, a broken mobile phone and the small silver sticks from your drawer.’

‘Where did you put it?’

Sameena watched him closely, noting his sharp relief. She held his gaze and said, ‘I’ve thrown it all away.’

He flinched. ‘You did what?’

‘I’ve thrown it away.’ Her voice was calm and firm. ‘In the canal. I didn’t want the police to find it.’

Hassan reared away from her. ‘You didn’t.’

‘Your phone was broken anyway. You don’t play games on that machine anymore and you’re always complaining about your laptop. We can buy you a new one now.’

Hassan’s eyes grew narrow. ‘Mum, there’s no way you’ve thrown my stuff away. Where is it?’

She gestured at her sari, the hem muddied brown by soil. ‘I walked to the canal and threw it all in.’

Hassan’s jaw fell slack. ‘But I need my stuff. It’s got my pictures, my files, everything.’ He turned to appeal to his father. ‘Aba, she’s got to be joking. Tell her I need my things.’ His voice was whiny to even his own ears.

‘Hassan, go up to your room. Let me talk to your mother.’

‘But—’

‘Go,’ he repeated.

Hassan’s face burned red but he knew better than to defy his father. Saying no more, he turned and walked upstairs.

‘Sameena, what did you do?’ Irfan’s voice was low.

She held up a hand to calm him. ‘Don’t worry. His things are safe but he’s not getting them until this is over.’

Irfan sighed. ‘The boy needs his things.’

‘Why does he need these things?’ she asked. ‘His exams are finished.’

‘Boys need ways to keep busy. Do you want him out on the streets?’

‘Do you want him in jail?’ she shot back. She watched a rift of anger crack open across his face. ‘I’m just protecting him,’ she insisted. ‘You look at your son and you see a nice religious boy and Hassan is a good boy, but a mother knows the nature of her son and she protects him no matter what.’

Irfan scowled. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’

Sameena smiled serenely. ‘Please – just trust that I did the right thing.’ She patted on the sofa. ‘Sit down. I’ll make you some tea.’

He began to protest but she had already turned towards the kitchen, using three quick steps to end the conversation.

At the top of the stairs, Hassan strained to hear but caught only murmurs. In silence, he crept to his parents’ room and dialled Amir’s home from the landline.

‘Jesus, what a fucked up day.’ Amir’s voice was weary.

Hassan took a shallow breath. ‘Have the feds been round?’

‘Yeah.’ Amir paused. ‘You?’

‘Mate, you won’t believe this. The feds at the station took the phone you lent me, but my mum threw away the one that got broken. She’s chucked all my stuff away. My laptop, my games. Even my stash has gone. The feds got none of it.’

Amir whistled. ‘Mate, your mum’s a gangster.’

‘She thinks she’s done me a favour.’

Amir laughed. ‘Well, she has, hasn’t she?’

‘How can you be so chilled about it?’ said Hassan. ‘We got arrested. She told them we raped her, for fuck’s sake.’

Amir was silent for a moment. ‘Mate, I have to be chill. Mum’s hit the roof as usual.’ He sighed. ‘She’s been going on about it for hours: all the tutoring she’s spent money on, all the school reports, all the parents’ evenings and meetings and on and on. I have to be chill or else I’ll go mad.’

Hassan tightened his grip on the phone. ‘But aren’t you worried?’

‘No,’ said Amir. ‘Jodie won’t go through with this. It’s a fucked up situation for sure, but once she calms down, she’ll take it back.’

Hassan slid onto his parents’ bed. ‘If you say so.’

‘I do. Just be cool. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.’

Hassan swallowed his weaving nerves. ‘Okay, man.’ He hung up the phone and sat motionless, unable or unwilling to return to his room.

Farid Khan let the ball fall from his grip and watched it roll away. Shoulders slumped, he sat on the wooden block by the path and felt his sweat cool, sending chills down his spine. Shivering, he sat still, not quite ready to leave.

He spotted the slim woman with cropped hair walking purposefully towards him. Instinctively, he lowered his gaze. It was only when she stopped directly in front of him that he looked up and met her eyes.

‘Hi.’ Her voice was husky but soft. It made him think of warm sand slipping through his fingers.

‘Hi,’ he echoed.

‘What’s your name?’ she asked.

He looked at her leather jacket, her skin-tight jeans and knee-high boots. ‘Whatever you’re selling, I’m not buying.’

‘Ha!’ She sounded amused.

‘What do you want?’ he asked less certainly.

‘Can I sit?’

Farid looked over her shoulder, then back up at her. He shrugged.

Erin sat and curled her graceful legs beneath her. ‘I’m a friend of Amir’s. I know that he’s in some trouble.’

Farid smiled faintly. ‘Amir never gets in trouble.’

‘Not yet, but we both know it’s coming.’

Farid looked at her quizzically, his thick, dark brows furrowed in confusion. ‘Who are you? How do you know Amir?’

‘I’m working the Jodie Wolfe case.’ She watched him stiffen. ‘I know that Amir and some of his friends did something stupid and they’re about to get into some serious trouble. I’m trying to help him.’ She paused. ‘You do know Jodie, right?’

Farid’s gaze fell to the floor.

‘Is she a friend?’

He shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t say that.’

Erin studied his face. ‘Did you see Amir with Jodie at Kuli’s party?’

‘Amir doesn’t talk to any of the ugly girls.’ Farid caught Erin’s expression. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call her ugly – she just … well, she is, right?’

‘Farid, I’d like to talk to you about what happened that night.’

‘Nothing happened.’

‘Were you drinking?’

He scoffed. ‘I don’t drink.’

‘What time did you leave the party?’

He looked at her sideways. ‘Are you from the police?’

Erin smiled. ‘No, I’m a private investigator. When someone’s in trouble, I go out and find the truth about what happened. If it turns out that whatever they’re accused of is an exaggeration or misunderstanding, then I help them. I know you didn’t do anything wrong that night, but you’re going to go down for it unless you tell the truth.’

‘Nothing happened,’ Farid insisted.

‘Then why does Jodie say it did? She doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who would accuse you for kicks.’

‘She’s just trying to get his attention.’

‘Is that so?’

Farid sighed. ‘She’s not right in the head. She’s always sending him secret messages, even leaving notes in his locker. Amir is kind enough to ignore it. If she was anyone else, she’d be made a fool.’

Erin watched him carefully. There was no hint of a quiver in his voice, no nuance of doubt, nothing to suggest his guilt. She shifted to face him. ‘You’ve got to listen to me, Farid. What Jodie has said about Amir is serious. Really fucking serious, and you’re about to get sucked into it. If you tell me the truth about what happened, I can help you.’

Farid’s fingertips traced the grain of his beard. ‘Listen, I’ve known Amir since we were both five. He plays the big man around town because he can, but he’s a good bloke. He wouldn’t hurt anybody. This is just Jodie messing with him. I told you – she’s not right.’

Erin took in his quiet assurance, his polite manner, his steadfast gaze. She could spot a liar at ten paces and this boy wasn’t lying.

‘Okay. Can you think of any other reason why Jodie would want to get Amir in trouble?’

‘There’s nothing else I can think of. He’s always been polite to her. He has a thing about the underdog and he cares about things in ways other people don’t.’

‘Is that so?’ Erin’s tone was sardonic.

Farid picked up a stray twig and spun it slowly in his hands. ‘When we were eleven, we went down to Vicky Park late one evening. It was just gone spring and it was still a bit too chilly for all the Hackney hipsters. Me, Amir and these other boys were there. This boy Omar had a pellet gun. We were arsing about with it, trying to hit trees and bins and stuff. And then, one of the boys dared him to shoot a swan on the other side of the lake. Omar was laughing about it and we were goading him, calling him chicken and all that. Finally, after about ten minutes of this, Omar takes aim. We didn’t think he was going to do it. We really didn’t. But then he pulled the trigger and hit the thing square in the chest. I’ve never heard a sound like it. It was like a young kid squealing in pain. It was kicking its legs, trying desperately to stay afloat, fighting desperately for its life. We all turned a shade of pale I’ve never seen before. That sound still loops in my nightmares. Five minutes passed and it still fought, still desperate, still screaming. Finally, Amir grabbed the gun and aimed it at the swan’s head. The look on his face was …’ Farid paused.

‘That’s the only time I saw him cry. He did what needed to be done, what none of the rest of us could do because he cared about that animal. It’s not just a one-time thing neither. Two years ago, he brought home this mistreated dog. His parents gave him hell for it but he kept her; named her “Rocky” because she’s a fighter. That’s who he is. He cares about things weaker than him.’ Farid shook his head. ‘Whatever Jodie’s saying about him, it’s not true. It’s not.’

Erin studied him for a moment. Then, she stood and thanked him. ‘I guess I’ll be seeing you.’

Farid shrugged, then watched her disappear into the distance. He picked up his muddy ball and turned wearily towards home.

Mo uncapped the seam ripper and slid it beneath the delicate blue thread. He flicked up the blade and broke the stitch. With practised fluency, he moved across the Banarasi brocade material, unpicking his mother’s mistake.

Mo had served as her assistant for years, both of them cramped into the draughty storeroom that she had turned into a tailor’s studio. In July, with wedding season in full swing, her work was seemingly endless. Still, at least Mo’s exams were now finished. In April, he used to stop studying at three and spend the next two hours sewing. Bushra would insist he return to his studies, but he could see the worry creasing her brows as the work stacked up outside. It was slow and intricate and could not be rushed, but she took on too much, for the money. On a shelf above her sewing machine, she kept meticulous records of all activity: clients, jobs, transactions and leads, every single pound colour-coded into bridal wear, casual wear and Western wear.

As a young child, Mo learnt to think in colours and textures: nylon was frustration, brown was honesty, blue was freedom and silk was carefree whimsy. He had been so proud of their bridal creations: the diaphanous golds and glittering reds and thousands of shiny stones. At age seven, he had unwittingly told his friends about one such garment and was ceaselessly teased for weeks. He came home crying one day and Bushra wrapped him in her soft arms.

‘I can’t tell you to ignore them,’ she said. ‘You will always care what people think of you – that’s just the way of the world – but you can decide how you act in return. You can choose to be cruel like them to make yourself feel tall, or you can treat others with kindness to balance out the shortfall.’ She sat him on her lap. ‘There will be moments in your life when you must decide in an instant. What you do is up to you, but I hope you never choose to be cruel.’

He watched her now and marvelled at her sleight of hand. Where other parents were pushy and dogmatic, she steered him with the lightest touch. She told him what she believed to be right and let him set his own course. With this skill and subtlety, she weaved him with a sense of justice.

Lanced with guilt last night, he had confessed to her his treatment of Jodie and said that his courage had failed. ‘But we didn’t do what she said,’ he’d added, desperate to keep her esteem. Bushra had hugged him tightly. ‘I know you didn’t. The son I raised wouldn’t act like that.’ She kissed his hair and released him. ‘I don’t know how far this will go and right now it’s important that we face it together. I know that you’re a good person. When this is over, however, I would like to discuss how you treated that girl.’

‘I know,’ Mo said quietly. His mother, who loved him fiercely like a child deserved, expected the conduct of an adult. He had failed her, but when this mess with Jodie was over, he would vow to be a better person. A single moment of weakness would not define his entire life. The mistake would be righted and they’d all move on – and surely that would be soon. After all, it was four against one.

Zara grappled for her phone and cursed when she saw the time. Sure enough, there were several missed calls: two from Stuart at Artemis House and another one from Erin. She texted Stuart an apology and then stumbled to the bathroom. Her throat was parched and her tongue held the whispery texture of cotton. She slipped two fingers under the cold tap and ran them over her eyes, wiping away the sleep. The cool water of the shower calmed her pounding head.

Her mind snaked to Luka and clasped his words like a bitter nut at its centre. Even he couldn’t stand you by the end. She heard the sound of her palm on his flesh and saw the rising colour in his cheek. She closed her eyes and willed him away, refusing to accept her guilt.

Drying off, she returned to the bedroom and rifled through her closet for a pair of jeans, a T-shirt and a blazer. She pulled on her ballet flats, grabbed her bag and headed out the door to her car. Her phone began to ring just as she drove off. She answered it clumsily and switched to speakerphone.

‘I tried to call you.’ Erin was impatient. ‘Listen, I spoke to Farid, the spectator. I caught him after football practice. Here’s the thing: I’m not sure your girl is being a hundred per cent honest.’

Zara felt the car swerve beneath her. ‘You what?’

‘I don’t think she’s telling the whole truth. I believe the boy.’

‘Why? What did he say?’

Erin recounted the meeting. ‘Either he’s telling the truth or he’s a complete sociopath,’ she said matter of factly.

Zara tutted. ‘Come on, Erin. You’re better than this.’ She knew the barb would annoy her and this was partly intended. How could she decide that Jodie was lying without hearing her account first-hand?

Erin sidestepped the bait. ‘All I’m saying, Zara, is tread carefully. This girl may not be as innocent as she looks. People rarely are.’

Zara frowned. Could Jodie’s pitiful gait and disfigured face be hiding a secret cunning? She didn’t believe it for a second, but placated Erin nonetheless. ‘I’ll tread carefully.’ She said goodbye and focused her grinding mind on the road.

Half an hour later, she was at her desk. Stuart sat opposite, speaking in a measured tone that only occasionally exposed his dwindling patience.

‘What are you not telling me?’ he asked.

Zara shook her head. ‘I overslept. Really, that’s all.’

‘Yes, and the first time it happened, I believed you. We’ve been through this, Zara. You’re one of the best lawyers I’ve ever met and you’re sure as hell the best advisor we’ve had in this place, but this isn’t a shift at Tesco. You’re not stacking shelves. If you don’t turn up to work, the women we look after don’t get the level of care they’re owed.’

Zara bit down her shame. ‘I’m sorry. I am. It won’t happen again.’

He leaned forward, his voice softening a notch. ‘That’s what you said last time.’ He ran a restless hand through his hair. ‘Seriously, what’s going on?’

‘I overslept, that’s all.’

Stuart’s lips came together in a tight, thin line, holding back words he might later regret. ‘Okay, fine.’ He pressed a Post-it note onto her desk. ‘The detective on Jodie Wolfe’s case called. You might want to call her back.’ With that, he stood and left.

Zara tried to shrug off the guilt but it clung heavily to her shoulders. Were it anyone else, she would wave away the criticism but Stuart was one of the few truly selfless people in her life. He wasn’t concerned with feeding his ego or chasing profits; he simply wanted to help their clients. The knowledge of that made her cheeks burn hot. She threaded her fingers through her hair and grabbed angry fistfuls. What was she doing? Her mind posed then denied a series of accusations: No, I’m not bad at my job. No, I shouldn’t just quit. No, I don’t have to stop using – it’s just harmless release.

Listlessly, she picked up the note. Four words were written in Stuart’s expansive scrawl: ‘I have news. Mia.’ Zara’s heart rate quickened and she picked up the phone and dialled.

Mia answered promptly. ‘I take it you received my message?’

‘Yes. Sorry, I’ve had a crazy morning.’

A short laugh. ‘Yes, unfortunately I’m all too familiar with those.’ Mia waited a beat. ‘So, Jodie’s clothes are positive for semen. We’re trying to expedite the DNA tests.’

Zara felt a flush of relief. ‘That’s great news.’

‘I haven’t spoken to Jodie yet. I thought you might like to tell her.’

Zara was oddly touched by the gesture. ‘Thank you. Do you know when we’ll get the results?’

‘Right now, I’m told three weeks.’

‘Christ.’ Zara flicked through her diary and marked out a date. ‘Have you found anything you can use on the boys’ electronics?’

‘No, nothing yet,’ Mia sighed. ‘They use these so-called “ephemeral apps” and everything gets deleted after twenty-four hours.’

Zara tapped a pen against the page. ‘Listen, check if the boys are on Jabdam. It’s a Korean app that allows users to post anonymous rumours about each other, tagged by location. It came up in a past case of mine. The app’s not governed by GDPR and we can access all the data that’s ever been posted on their platform – even if it was set to expire.’

Mia brightened. ‘What would we be looking for?’

‘Anything that’s tagged Bow or East London and that mentions Amir or Jodie – or any of them. Maybe one of the boys couldn’t help bragging, or a friend of a friend knows something.’

‘Good call.’ Mia scrawled down the details. ‘I’ll let you know if we find anything.’

‘Okay,’ Zara paused. ‘Hey Mia, one more thing. When you canvas the neighbours, greet them with Assalamu Alaikum if they’re Muslim. They’ll likely be tight-lipped and this might help disarm them.’

‘Thanks,’ said Mia. ‘I’ll keep you updated.’

Zara hung up and glanced at the clock. Stuart had reassigned her appointments and her day was unusually empty. She flicked through Jodie’s case file, reading and re-reading random passages. Eventually, after an hour of inertia, she decided to take a break. She walked to Port & Port on the western end of Whitechapel Road. She liked the bar for its unique position between East London and the city, and for the blackboard outside that said in bright yellow chalk, ‘I’d eat here,’ a quote which was then attributed to, ‘The owner’. Inside, an ensemble of high beams, sturdy wooden furniture and dusty artefacts gave it a comfortable old-barn feel.

She ordered a drink and settled in a booth in the corner. She shrugged off her blazer and placed some files across the table: her excuse for drinking alone. She checked her phone and noted acidly that Luka hadn’t tried calling. She picked up a file and scanned it blindly. She was bored. She was always fucking bored. She glanced at her watch, not even sure what she was waiting for. She put down the file and picked up another. As she did so, she heard a purposeful cough at the next table. Her eyes – trained to ignore such puerile plays for attention – remained fixed on the sheet of paper. After a beat, she sensed movement towards her.

He was dressed in a dark suit, crisp white shirt and slim black tie. As he sat down opposite, she noticed the muscles of his arm flex beneath the suit. He wasn’t her type – far too built for that – but he had her attention.

‘You probably haven’t drunk enough for this. I certainly haven’t drunk enough for this but,’ he paused, ‘you’re stunning. And I knew that if I left this bar without talking to you, I’d regret it. So tell me to get lost and I’ll get on my way. I just have to know that I tried.’ He barely waited for her to respond. ‘But, if you want – and it’s what I really want – I can buy us another drink and we can sit and talk about whatever you want: the perversions of the Marquis de Sade or the plight of the Congolese, who should have won Bake Off or the latest shade of lipstick – anything.’ His eyes searched hers and grew confident as he gleaned the reaction he intended.