The Age of Misadventure

‘What time is it?’

‘Nearly six. Everybody’s been asleep.’ Jade’s face looms in front of mine. ‘We won’t make Brighton today, will we?’

Nanny wakes up and grumbles, ‘I’m hungry. And tired. What’s going on?’

I blink my eyes and realise that everyone’s staring at me. I examine the satnav.

‘Okay, how does this sound? We’ll drive to Kendal. That’s in the Lakes. We’ll find a B & B and stay overnight.’ I look at Jade and smile hopefully. ‘I’ll have us all in Brighton tomorrow.’

Bonnie murmurs, ‘I don’t mind.’

‘Is that where the mint cake comes from, Kendal? I like mint cake but it sticks to my teeth. What sort of bed and breakfast will we stay in? I can’t abide those places with nylon sheets.’

‘No one has nylon sheets nowadays, Nan.’

‘And I want proper home-cooked food, Georgina. I can’t stand food if it’s not cooked properly. I don’t like burned meat. Or soggy vegetables that taste like sponge.’

‘All right, Nan.’

Jade’s voice is low. ‘Can we just get going? I’ll have to text Luis and tell him I’ll be even later. I’ll tell him I’m a prisoner in a car with my mad mother who’s doing her best to keep me from getting to Brighton and I might not make it at all if my uncle Adie has anything to do with it.’

Bonnie interrupts, her voice defensive. ‘Adie’s got a heart of gold, Jade. If your Luis loves you as much as my Adie—’

Nanny cackles out loud. ‘Adie Carrick’s nothing more than a criminal. You’re too good for him, Bonnie, love.’

Jade nods. ‘You’re right, Nan. Everyone knows about Uncle Adie.’

Bonnie’s aghast. ‘What do they know?’

‘He’s always up to something. Sorry, Aunty Bonnie. My friends in town all laugh about it.’ Jade shrugs. ‘I’ve always stayed well away from him. He keeps bad company. I’ve heard he’s into all sorts: flipping houses, dodgy deals. I’m sure even Demi knows.’

Through the mirror I see Bonnie’s little face start to crumple. I turn on the ignition and the engine rumbles.

‘Right, let’s get us all to Kendal. We’ll stop somewhere nice. We have money.’ I smile at Jade. ‘By tomorrow, we’ll all be in Brighton. Let’s make the most of this little jaunt, shall we? A nice soft bed, early start after breakfast. It could even be fun.’

‘Not my idea of fun,’ Jade mumbles and stares out of the window.

I think about patting her arm, but I know she’d shrug me away. My heart aches with the thought that my daughter’ll be glad to move on, that we’ll part company and she’ll forget how close we were, like sisters. I drive into the darkness, my thoughts and the radio and the swerving beams of headlights buzzing in my head.

We travel in silence for two, almost three hours. It’s almost nine o’clock. The petrol gauge is running low. It occurs to me that we should hang on to Bonnie’s money and my cash and use my card to fill up the tank. If Adie is somehow able to check on me, which wouldn’t surprise me at all with some of his dodgy contacts, I’d need to be somewhere obscure, and we’re still north of Liverpool so he won’t suspect we’re going to Brighton.

I swerve off the motorway and follow a sign for Orton and Ravenstonedale, down a narrow country road. It won’t be too far. The satnav tells me I’m going the wrong way, but I ignore it. It’s only a short drive to a service station and I’ll soon be back on the motorway. My brain’s fizzing with tiredness and my arms and legs are numb from being in one position for so long. I glance through the rear-view mirror. Nan’s fallen asleep already, her head on Bonnie’s shoulder.

Jade is texting, her thumbs moving furiously. ‘What’s happening now?’

‘I’m getting petrol, Jade.’

‘What’s wrong with the motorway services?’

‘I want my card to register the name of somewhere Adie won’t have heard of.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake …’

I sigh. ‘We’ll all be in bed in an hour.’

‘Not if we spend all this time bumbling down back roads in the middle of nowhere.’

‘Jade …’

‘What?’

‘I’m sorry we couldn’t take you straight to Brighton to be with Luis. I know you must be unhappy.’

‘Unhappy?’ She puts on the tone I remember so well from when she was a teenager: sarcasm, outrage and injustice. ‘Too right I’m unhappy. And frustrated. And bored. And annoyed.’

There’s a shriek from the back of the car. It’s Bonnie’s terrified voice. My heart speeds up and so do my reactions. A car’s coming straight towards us, its lights on main beam. I’m dazzled. I swerve to the left and slam my foot on the brake. The car lurches; we bump something. When I open my eyes, the X5 is in a hedge. I turn to look at Jade, then back at Bonnie: they’re wide-eyed, shocked. Nanny’s indignant.

‘Can’t you drive more carefully, Georgina? We’re stuck in the shrubs now.’

‘It’s nothing much, just a knock. Let’s get going.’

Jade is furious. ‘What a nutter to drive so fast.’

Bonnie’s voice is a whisper. ‘Do you think it was Adie’s Boxster?’

Jade shakes her head. ‘No, it wasn’t. You couldn’t see what sort of car it was. It was just some ignorant motorist; these lanes are so narrow. They’ll be miles away by now.’

The X5 is leaning over to one side. I sit still for a moment and consider what to do, then I decide to inspect the car for any damage before I start the engine. I switch on the emergency hazard lights, grab a torch from the glovebox and ease myself out through the door, moving softly to the other side and into the darkness to check the car. The ground is soft under my feet, and damp. It’s been raining. The sky is as dark as a woollen blanket overhead; no glimmering stars.

I shine the torch on the left-hand side of the bonnet. There are scratches on the side from the branches. The front end of the car is in the hedge. If I just reverse, I’ll be able to drive out. I go round the back and squeeze forwards as far as I can. I can see the twist of the wheel, the shadow of the tyre. I crouch down, direct the beam at the huge wheel, illuminating the front tyre on the left, and follow the beam to the gravel. The tyre’s flat at the bottom, completely deflated. I stare at it for a few moments and scratch my head. The X5 has the biggest puncture I’ve ever seen.

Chapter Nine

‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Mum. It’s only a puncture. I can fix that.’

‘Jade …?’

‘Remember Lee Kassiri, the bloke I went out with three years ago who had half a dozen cars? The petrolhead? I learned all sorts …’

‘Jade …’

She can’t open her door because it’s embedded in the hedge, so she swings her body across my seat and follows me out of the driver’s door. Although it’s dark, I know she’s frowning.

‘Where’s the spare in this one, Mum?’

‘That’s the point. There isn’t one.’

‘So how do you fix a puncture without a spare tyre?’

‘There’s a tube of squirty glue to inflate a tyre in the glovebox.’

‘Well, pass it over.’

‘It’s for nail holes, little punctures. We must have hit a pothole. The tyre’s completely flat.’

‘So call out breakdown.’

‘I don’t have any breakdown cover, Jade. It lapsed. I didn’t think I’d need it. I only use the car in town.’

Jade clambers back in and collapses in her seat with a huff. ‘What are we going to do now, then?’

Nanny’s voice comes from the back seat. ‘Are we stuck here? What about something to eat?’

Bonnie sniffs. ‘I want to go home.’

I climb into the car. ‘Don’t be daft, Bonnie.’ I’m not proud of the irritation in my voice.

‘Come on, then, Mum. What are we going to do?’

I breathe out. ‘Get on your phone and research local garages, Jade. Find someone who’ll come out and fix it.’

‘At this time of night?’

I shrug. ‘Best I can suggest.’

Jade grunts. ‘We could get out and walk to the nearest pub.’

‘With my hip? Don’t even think about it, Georgina,’ Nan says.

I check the satnav. We’re in the middle of nowhere, on the edge of the Yorkshire Dales National Park, up a hill.

Jade explores something on her phone for several minutes. It’s quiet inside the car, except for her tutting. Finally, she turns to me.

‘Right. There’s Nateby Motors. They open at nine o’clock tomorrow, Thursday morning. There’s another, Thomas Blake and Son, near Tebay. Open at nine. And one more. ABC Tyres at Orton – eight thirty tomorrow. That’s it.’

Bonnie taps my shoulder. ‘What shall we do, Georgie?’

‘Georgina, I’m thirsty. My backside’s stiff from all this sitting. And I’m so hungry I could eat a bear.’ Nan pokes me in the back. ‘What are you going to do about it?’

‘We’ll just have to sleep here until morning, Nan.’

Bonnie sounds tearful. ‘I need the wipes from my bag to cleanse my face. And I need my special night cream.’ She thinks for a moment. ‘What if Adie finds out where we are?’

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