Almost Dead
To Cassie’s relief she switched to German-accented English.
“How can I help you?”
“I need lodging urgently. Are there any rooms available here?”
The strawberry-blonde woman thought for a moment.
“No rooms,” she said, shaking her head, and Cassie felt gutted with disappointment. She looked over her shoulder, worried she’d heard feet on the stairs, but it must have been the thudding of music from somewhere inside the lodge.
“Please, can I at least come inside?” she asked.
“Of course. Are you OK?”
The woman buzzed the door open. Cassie felt the cold metal vibrate in her hands as the lock released and she closed it so that it clanged firmly shut behind her.
Finally, she was safe.
“I had a bad experience outside. A man said he’d walk me here but we ended up going a different way. He grabbed my arm when I realized there was something wrong, but I managed to get free.”
The woman raised her eyebrows, looking shocked.
“I am glad you escaped. This part of Milan can be dangerous at night. Please, come through to the office. I think I misunderstood your question. We do not have a room open; all the single rooms are booked. But we do have a bed available in a shared dormitory, if you would like to take it.”
“Thank you so much. I would.”
Weak with relief that she didn’t have to go out into the dark streets again, Cassie followed the woman through the small foyer and into a tiny office with a notice on the door: “Hostel Manager.”
There, Cassie paid for the room. Again, she realized the price was uncomfortably high. Milan was a costly place and there seemed no way of living cheaply.
“Do you have luggage?” she asked.
Cassie shook her head. “It’s in the car, miles away.”
To her surprise the other woman nodded as if this was a common occurrence.
“In a shared room, you will want a toiletry pack then.”
The toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and cotton sleep shirt looked to be a life saver and Cassie handed over yet more Euros in exchange.
“Your room is down the corridor. Yours is the bed closest to the door and it comes with a locker.”
“Thanks.”
“And the bar is that way. We provide our guests with the cheapest beer in Milan.” She smiled as she placed the locker key on the counter.
“My name is Gretchen,” she added.
“I’m Cassie.”
Remembering why she was here, Cassie then asked, “What about a phone? Internet?”
She held her breath as Gretchen considered the question.
“Guests may only use the office phone in emergencies,” she said. “There are several places nearby where you can make a call and use a computer. They are listed on the notice board next to the bookshelf, and you will also find a map there.”
“Thank you.”
Cassie glanced behind her. She’d seen the notice board on her way in, propped on the top of the shelf. It was a large board, covered in cut-out scraps of paper.
“We also list jobs on the board,” Gretchen explained. “We search all the sites daily and print out the ads. Some places even contact us direct if they need part-time help, such as waiting tables, shelf packing, cleaning. Those jobs are usually paid by the day, in cash.”
She smiled at Cassie sympathetically, as if she understood what it was like to be short of money in a foreign country.
“Most of our guests are able to find work if they want it, so if you are in need of a job, let me know,” she said.
“Thank you again,” Cassie said.
She headed straight for the notice board.
There was a list of five nearby places where phones and internet could be used, and Cassie held her breath as she saw Cartoleria’s name was there, but had been recently crossed out with a note, “Closed.”
That was a hopeful sign, so Cassie decided to ask Gretchen if she could check the guest list. She headed to the lounge, to find that the manager had just opened a beer and was sitting on a sofa among a laughing group of people.
“Here’s another customer.”
A tall, lean man with an English accent, who looked even younger than Cassie, jumped up and opened the fridge.
“I’m Tim. What can I get you?” he asked.
Seeing her hesitate, he said, “There’s a special on the Heineken.”
“Thanks,” Cassie said.
She paid, and he passed her an ice-cold bottle. Two dark-haired girls who looked as if they were twins moved up on one of the other couches to make room for her.
“Actually, I came here because I was hoping to find my sister,” she said, feeling a pang of nervousness as she spoke.
“I wonder if any of you might have known her, or if she stayed here. She has blonde hair—or it was blonde when I last knew her. And her name is Jacqui Vale.”
“You have been apart a long time?” one of the dark-haired girls asked sympathetically.
When Cassie nodded, she said, “That is very sad. I hope you find her.”
Cassie took a sip of her beer. It was icy cold, rich with malt.
The manager was scrolling through her phone.
“We have not had any Jacqui here in December. Or in November,” she said, and Cassie’s heart sank.
“Wait,” Tim said. “I remember someone.”
He closed his eyes, as if thinking back, while Cassie stared at him anxiously.
“We don’t get many Americans here, so I recall the accent. She didn’t book a room, she came in with a friend who was staying here. She had a drink and then left. She wasn’t blonde; her hair was brown, but she was very pretty and looked a bit like you. Perhaps a few years older.”
Cassie nodded encouragement. “Jacqui is older.”
“The friend called her Jax. We started chatting when I served her, and she told me she was staying in a small town. I think it was an hour or two from here. Now, of course, I can’t remember the name of the town.”
Cassie felt breathless to think that her sister had actually been here. Visiting a friend, going about her life. It didn’t seem as if she was broke or desperate or a drug addict or in an abusive relationship, or any of the other worst-case scenarios that Cassie had worried about whenever she thought of Jacqui, and wondered why she’d never been in touch.
Perhaps family just hadn’t meant that much to her and she hadn’t felt the need to reconnect. Although they had been close, it was adversity that had forced them together, having to survive their father’s rages and the unstable home life. Jacqui might have wanted to put those memories behind her.
“I didn’t know your memory for faces was so good, Tim,” Gretchen teased. “Or is it only the pretty girls?”
Tim grinned, looking abashed. “Hey, she was gorgeous. I was thinking of maybe asking her out, but then I found out she wasn’t staying in Milan, and thought she probably wouldn’t be interested in me anyway.”
There was a chorus of protest from the other girls.
“Silly! You should have,” the girl next to Cassie insisted.
“I didn’t get the right vibe from her, and I think she would have said no. Anyway, Cassie, if you give me your phone number, I’ll do my best to remember which town it was. I’ll message you if I do.”
“Thank you,” Cassie said.
She gave Tim her number and finished her beer. It seemed as if everyone else was ready for another round and would carry on talking until past midnight, but she was exhausted.
She got up and said goodnight to them before heading off to have a hot shower and climb into bed.
It was only as she pulled the bedcovers back that she remembered, with a shock, that her anxiety meds were still in her suitcase.
She had suffered the consequences of skipping tablets before. It was difficult to sleep if she was behind on her medication, and she was more likely to have vivid nightmares. Occasionally, she ended up sleepwalking, and Cassie felt nervous if that should happen in this shared dormitory.
She could only hope that her own exhaustion, together with the beer she’d had, would keep the bad dreams away.
CHAPTER FOUR
“Quick. Get up. We need to leave.”
Someone was tapping Cassie’s shoulder, but she was tired—so tired she could hardly open her eyes. Fighting her exhaustion, she struggled awake.
Jacqui was standing by her bed, her hair a glossy, perfect brown, wearing a stylish black jacket.
“You’re here?” Excited, Cassie sat up, ready to give her sister a hug.
But Jacqui turned away.
“Hurry,” she whispered. “They’re coming for us.”
“Who’s coming?” Cassie asked.
She thought immediately of Vadim. He had grabbed her sleeve, torn her jacket. He’d had plans for her. She’d managed to escape, but now he had found her again. She should have known he would.
“I don’t know how we can get away,” she said anxiously. “There’s only the one door.”
“There’s a fire escape. Here, let me show you.”
Jacqui led her down the long, dark corridor. She was wearing trendy ripped jeans and high-heeled red sandals. Cassie padded behind in her worn trainers, hoping that Jacqui was right and that there would be an escape route here.
“This way,” Jacqui said.
She opened a steel door and Cassie recoiled as she saw the rickety fire escape. The steel stairs were rusting and broken. Worse still, the stairway only went halfway down the building. Beyond that there was nothing but an endless, dizzying drop to the street far below.
“We can’t go out that way.”
“We can. We must.”
Jacqui’s laughter was shrill, and staring at her in horror, Cassie saw that her face had changed. This wasn’t her sister at all. It was Elaine, one of her father’s girlfriends, the one that she had hated and feared the most.
“We’re going down,” the evil blonde woman screamed. “Down you go, you first. Show me how. You know I always hated you.”
Feeling the rusty metal tremble as she touched it, Cassie began to scream, too.
“No! Please, no. Help me!”
Shrill laughter was her only response as the fire escape started to give way, breaking under her.
And then other hands were shaking her.
“Please, wake up! Wake up!”
She opened her eyes.
The dormitory light was on, and she was staring up at the dark-haired twins. They were looking back at her with expressions of combined worry and annoyance.
“You have been having many nightmares, screaming. Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I have bad dreams occasionally.”
“It is disturbing,” the other twin said. “Is there anything you can do to stop this? It is not fair on us; we are on day shift and have to work twelve hours today.”
Cassie felt racked with guilt. She should have realized that her nightmares would cause major disruption in a shared room.
“What’s the time?”
“It is now four-thirty a.m.”
“I’ll get up,” Cassie decided.
“Are you sure?” The twins glanced at each other.
“Yes, I’m sure. I’m so sorry for waking you.”
She clambered out of bed, feeling dizzy and disoriented from lack of sleep, and quickly pulled on her top in the dark. Then, grabbing her purse, she left the room and closed the door quietly.
The lounge was empty, and Cassie sat down on one of the couches, curling her legs up on the cushion. She had no idea what she should do now, or where she should go.
It would be inconsiderate to risk disrupting her roommates’ sleep another night, and she couldn’t afford a private room even if one became available.
Perhaps she could if she got a job. She didn’t have a working visa, but from what the others had been saying last night, if the work was for less than three months, nobody in Italy minded too much if it was done on a tourist visa.
Working would make her stay here affordable and buy her some time. Even if Tim didn’t remember where Jacqui was staying, her sister might try to contact her again.
Cassie headed to the notice board to see if there were any jobs available.
She hoped to find a waitressing job, as she was experienced in waiting tables and would feel confident applying. However, to her dismay, she found these jobs all stipulated that applicants must be fluent in Italian. Other languages were an advantage but not essential.
With a frustrated sigh, she scrapped the idea of waitressing.
What about dishwashing? Cleaning?
Scanning the board, she couldn’t find any such jobs. There were a few store assistant jobs, but again, Italian was required. Then there was a bicycle courier job that sounded interesting and was well paying, but you needed to have your own bicycle and helmet, and she didn’t.
Those were the only opportunities available, and she didn’t qualify for any of them.
Discouraged, Cassie returned to the couch and plugged her phone into the charger. Perhaps she could look online and see if there was any other work available. It was still very early, and after her interrupted night she felt heavy-eyed with tiredness. On the couch, she slipped into a light sleep, and was woken a couple of hours later by the twins leaving.
People were up and about, and she could smell coffee brewing. Cassie unplugged her phone and scrambled off the couch, not wanting anyone else to know that she’d slept there instead of in her designated bed.
Following the aroma of coffee, she found Gretchen, wrapped in a dressing gown, pinning two more job notices to the board.
“These have just come in,” she said with a smile. “And coffee is for sale in the kitchenette down the passage.”
Cassie looked at the two new job cards. One was another advertisement for a waitress, which again was no use to her. As she looked at the other, she felt a chill of nervousness.
“Au Pair Required. A divorced mother of two requires help for 3 months, starting asap, to care for two girls, aged 8 and 9. English speaker preferred. Luxury accommodation provided. Please call Ottavia Rossi.”
Cassie closed her eyes and felt her spine prickle with gooseflesh.
She didn’t think that she could handle another au pairing job. Not when the first two had gone so horribly wrong.
Her first assignment, in France, had been working for a wealthy landowner. It was only after arriving at the chateau that she realized how dysfunctional he and his fiancée were in parenting the three traumatized children. Each of them had rebelled against his brutal authority in their own way, and Cassie had borne the brunt of their behavior.
The job had become a nightmare, and when his fiancée had died under suspicious circumstances, Cassie had narrowly escaped being arrested as a murder suspect.
The landowner—Pierre Dubois—had ended up being charged for the crime, and his trial was ongoing. Whenever she saw reports in the news, Cassie scanned them anxiously. With the legal teams putting up a fierce fight, the most recent article had stated that the verdict would only be given in February.
She’d fled to England, desperate to lie low in case his legal team decided to subpoena her to testify—or, worse, managed to manufacture enough evidence to prove she was the guilty one.
In England, she had run straight into the arms of a charming and attractive man who’d presented himself as a divorced father, urgently needing help with his kids. Cassie had fallen hard for Ryan Ellis and believed every word he’d told her. Then her idyllic world had crumbled around her as lie after lie was exposed, and the situation had unraveled into horror.
Cassie still couldn’t think of that experience without feeling panic boil up inside her. Turning away, she almost bumped into Gretchen, who was busy updating the notice board and removing some of the older jobs.
“Sorry,” Cassie said.
“Have you seen anything to suit you?” Gretchen asked.
“I’m not sure. The au pairing job sounds interesting,” Cassie said, just to be polite.
“That’s on the outskirts of Milan. It’s a wealthy area. And live-in, I see, so your accommodations would be included.”
“Thank you,” Cassie said. She photographed the ad, even though she knew that she was going through the motions, without any intention of taking the job.
She glanced at the books for sale. They were an eclectic mix of fiction and nonfiction, and there were two on the shelf which she saw would be helpful to her. One was an Italian phrase book, and the other was a beginner’s guide to the language. The books were tattered and well-used, but they were also cheap. Glad that she could make a start at mastering Italian, Cassie headed to the office to pay for them.
After she’d bought the books and a mug of coffee, she set off to find her car. Although the city looked very different in daylight, she managed to find the way back to her car with only a couple of wrong turns along the route.
Along the way she couldn’t stop thinking about the au pairing job.
Beggars couldn’t be choosers, and she desperately needed to stay in the city for a while. After all, Tim the barman might remember the name of the town where Jacqui worked, at any time.
A live-in job meant she wouldn’t disturb her fellow travelers, and she wouldn’t risk having another frightening experience in the city, similar to what she’d had the previous night with Vadim.
Plus, she’d be working for a woman. A divorced woman. Cassie could make sure to confirm this was true before she made the final decision. She didn’t want to work for a man again. It didn’t sound like there was a man in the house at all, only a woman and her two girls.
She could ask. There was no harm in finding out more, was there?
Even so, remembering her previous experiences, Cassie felt sick as she dialed.
The call connected, and then it rang and rang, with Cassie’s nervousness growing as the seconds ticked by.
Finally, it was answered.
“Buongiorno,” a woman said, sounding breathless.
Wishing she’d had the chance to study her phrase book, Cassie replied nervously.
“Good morning.”
“This is Signora Rossi’s phone, and it’s Abigail speaking. How can I help?” the woman continued in English. In fact, Cassie thought she sounded English.
She tried to swallow down her nerves and speak confidently.
“I’m phoning about the job. Is Ottavia Rossi there?”
“The job? Please hold on. Ms. Rossi is in a meeting.”
Cassie heard the woman conferring with somebody else. A moment later, she was back.
“I am so sorry but that job has been taken.”
“Oh.” Cassie felt surprised and deflated. She was unsure what to say next but the woman made the decision for her.
“Goodbye,” she said, and cut off the call.
CHAPTER FIVE
Cassie couldn’t understand why the au pair job was no longer available if it had been advertised so recently. She felt disappointed that this opportunity had come and gone before she’d even been able to attend an interview.
Now she had no idea what she should do. She was tempted to get in her car and drive in a random direction for an hour or two, in the hope that she would end up closer to her sister, or even, miraculously, in the same town.
Cassie knew in this densely populated country, which was studded with towns and villages of all sizes, that was not just unlikely, but impossible.
She opened her trunk, rummaged in her suitcase, and took out the tablets she’d missed last night, plus her morning dose.
Then, seated in the car, she drank them down and called her friend Jess.
Cassie had spent a week’s holiday with Jess over Christmas and New Year. Jess’s employer had given her time off, with money to travel, and Jess had invited Cassie to come along to Edinburgh.
Jess had paid for the accommodations, and Cassie had done all the driving. They had rented an apartment on the outskirts of the city, and spent the days sightseeing and the nights partying. During that time, they’d had the chance to chat, so Jess knew exactly what Cassie had gone through, and the soul-shattering truth about her last two assignments.
“Hey, stranger!” Jess answered almost immediately. “Have you found your sister yet?”
“Not yet. I found someone who spoke to her recently. He said she was staying in a town an hour or two away from Milan, but he couldn’t remember the town’s name.”
“Oh, no.” Jess sounded horrified. “That’s like—so close but so far. What are you going to do now?”
“I’m going to try and stay here for a few weeks because he said he’ll message me if he remembers. I phoned about an au pair job, but it had already been taken. Do you know of anyone in Milan, or in Italy, who might need a helper?”
Cassie had serious respect for Jess’s networking capabilities. The tall, friendly blonde seemed to have a natural talent for picking up strategically placed connections. That was how Cassie had gotten her last job, even though it hadn’t turned out well; and it was also how they’d been able to secure their holiday apartment at an affordable rate.
“In Milan?” Jess sounded thoughtful.
“Or anywhere nearby,” Cassie reminded her, hoping to widen the net.
Jess sighed.
“Not offhand. Milan’s in the north of Italy, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“So even something in Switzerland, or southern Germany, would actually be doable too, wouldn’t it? I guess you don’t want to go back to France right now.”
Or ever, Cassie thought.
“I’d rather steer clear of France.”
“Let me ask. Everyone’s jetting off skiing at the moment and my employers know some people who own ski chalets. You could work as a chalet maid. The money’s not great, but you get to ski for free.”
“Please ask them,” Cassie said.
“Meanwhile, pester that guy who spoke to your sister,” Jess advised. “Don’t be shy. Tell him to sit with a map in front of him and look at all the towns until the right name jogs his memory.”
She laughed, and Cassie found herself laughing along with her.
“I’ve got to run,” Jess said. “Dental appointment. For the children, not me. Chat later, Cassie, good luck!”
As Cassie disconnected, her phone rang again. She found herself speaking to Abigail, the woman who had answered when she called about the au pairing job.
“Hello, I am speaking on behalf of Ms. Rossi. You called about a job earlier, is that correct?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Which job was it, please? Was it the junior fashion designer, or was it the au pair position?”
“It was the au pair position.”
“Please hold for a moment.”
The woman sounded anxious and Cassie could hear a whispered conversation in the background.
A few moments later, she spoke again.
“I am so sorry. Please accept my apologies. I did not know about the au pair position. Ms. Rossi has confirmed that this job is available, and it is the designer one that was filled. She has asked me to find out if you are still interested.”
“Yes. Yes, I am.”
“Ms. Rossi will be available for interviews this afternoon at her home, from two-thirty p.m. onwards. The first successful candidate will be hired, and will be required to start immediately. Can I message you the address?”
“Please,” Cassie said, feeling worried all over again. It sounded as if she’d have to make an instant decision about whether the job was right for her or not. She wondered what the children would be like, and that thought made her feel nauseous with nerves.
She couldn’t take the job without meeting the children, she decided. They were the ones she would be spending every day with. Their mother sounded like a wealthy woman and from Cassie’s limited experience, this meant the children might be spoiled or neglected.
When her phone buzzed again and the directions came through, she decided to drive there immediately.
After all, if she wasn’t first in the interview queue, there wouldn’t be a decision to be made at all.
*Cassie reached the neighborhood just before noon. The streets were quiet and immaculately maintained, with large houses set far back from the road among well-treed gardens. Cassie guessed that in summer, when the trees were clothed in greenery, the houses would be invisible from the road.
She was surprised at the amount of security that she saw present. Every house was fenced or walled, with tall automatic gates. Cassie wasn’t sure whether the wealthy valued their security and privacy, or whether there was a crime problem in this affluent area. She suspected it was probably the former.
Driving through the streets in her small, elderly runabout, Cassie noticed a few of the locals in their brightly colored sports cars and dark SUVs peering at her suspiciously. She and her car looked out of place in this area, and people were noticing.
A few blocks further down, she found a coffee shop. She was too nervous to be hungry, but forced herself to eat a cornetto and drink a bottle of water.