Once Dormant
A healthy life lesson, I guess.
She stood watching the sandcastle vanishing into the water for a few moments. When she heard the three girls galloping up the stairs in back, she walked along the porch around the house to meet them.
One was Blaine’s sixteen-year-old daughter, Crystal, who was April’s best friend. Another was Riley’s newly adopted fourteen-year-old daughter, Jilly.
As the three giggling girls started making a dash to their bedroom to change out of their bathing suits for dinner, Riley noticed a small cut on Jilly’s thigh.
She gently took Jilly by the arm and said, “How did this happen?”
Jilly glanced at the cut and said, “I dunno. Just got clumsy, I guess. Bumped it into a thorn or something else kind of sharp.”
Riley stooped to examine the cut. It wasn’t at all bad, and it was already beginning to scab over. Still, it struck Riley as odd somehow. She remembered Jilly having a similar cut on her forearm the day they’d come out here. Jilly had said that April’s cat, Marbles, had scratched her. April had denied it.
Jilly drew back from her—a little defensively, Riley thought.
“It’s nothing, Mom, OK?”
Riley said, “There’s a first aid kit in the bathroom. Put some disinfectant on it before you come to dinner.”
“OK, I’ll do that,” Jilly said.
Riley watched as Jilly ran after April and Crystal to the bedroom.
Nothing to worry about, Riley told herself.
But it was hard not to worry. Jilly had been living with them only since January. When Riley had been working on a case in Arizona, she’d rescued Jilly from desperate circumstances. After some legal and personal struggles, Riley had finally been able to adopt Jilly just a month ago, and Jilly seemed happy with her new family.
And besides …
It’s just a little cut—nothing to worry about.
Riley went to the kitchen to help Blaine set the table and put dinner on. The girls soon joined them, and they all sat down to dinner—delicious fried flounder filets served with tartar sauce. Everybody was happy and laughing. By the time Blaine served cheesecake for dessert, a warm, pleasant feeling was coming over Riley.
We’re like a family, she thought.
Or maybe that wasn’t quite right. Maybe, just maybe …
We really are a family.
It had been a long time since Riley had felt like that.
As she finished her dessert, she thought again …
I could really get used to this.
*After supper, the girls went back to their bedroom to play games before going to sleep. Riley joined Blaine on the porch, where they sipped glasses of wine as they watched night setting in. The two of them were quiet for a long time.
Riley basked in that quietness, and she sensed that Blaine did too.
She couldn’t remember having shared many easy, comfortable, silent moments like this with her ex-husband, Ryan. They’d pretty much always either been talking or deliberately not talking. And when they hadn’t been talking, they’d simply inhabited their own separate worlds.
But Blaine felt very much a part of Riley’s world right now …
And a beautiful world it is.
The moon was bright, and as the night grew darker, stars were appearing in huge clusters—almost unbelievably bright out here away from the lights of the city. The dark waves of the Gulf reflected the light of the moon and the stars. Far away, the horizon grew blurry and finally disappeared so that the sea and the sky seemed to blend seamlessly together.
Riley shut her eyes and listened for a moment to the sound of the surf.
There were no other noises at all—no voices, no TV, no city traffic.
Riley sighed a long, deep, happy sigh.
As if answering her sigh, Blaine said …
“Riley, I’ve been wondering …”
He paused. Riley opened her eyes and looked over at him, feeling just a twinge of apprehension.
Then Blaine continued …
“Do you feel like we’ve known each other for a long time, or just a short time?”
Riley smiled. It was an interesting question. They’d known each other for about a year now, and they’d declared themselves exclusive about three months ago. During all that time they’d become very comfortable together.
They and their families had also been through moments of harrowing danger, and Blaine had shown amazing resourcefulness and courage.
Through it all, Riley had come to care about him, trust him, and admire him.
“It’s hard to say,” she said. “Both, I guess. It seems like a long time because of how close we’ve gotten. It seems like a short time because … well, because I’m sometimes so amazed at how fast we’ve gotten so close.”
Another silence fell—a silence that told Riley that Blaine felt exactly the same way.
Finally Blaine said …
“What do you think … should happen next?”
Riley looked into his eyes. His gaze was earnest and inquisitive.
Riley smiled and said the first thing that popped into her head. “Why, Blaine Hildreth—are you proposing to me?”
Blaine smiled and said, “Come on inside. I’ve got something to show you.”
CHAPTER THREE
Riley felt a bit breathless now. A whole world of future possibilities seemed to be opening up in front of her, and she didn’t have any idea how to think about them.
She didn’t know what to say, so she just picked up her glass of wine and followed Blaine off the porch into the dining room.
Blaine went to a cabinet and took out a large roll of paper. When they’d arrived, Riley had noticed him unpacking the roll from the car along with beach stuff, but she hadn’t bothered to ask him what it was.
He unrolled the sheet on the dining room table, putting cups on the corners to hold it down. It looked like some kind of elaborate ground plan.
“What is this?” Riley asked.
“Don’t you recognize it?” Blaine said. “It’s my house.”
Riley looked at the drawings more carefully, feeling slightly puzzled.
She said, “Um … it looks awfully big to be your house.”
Blaine chuckled and said, “That’s because a whole wing of it hasn’t been built yet.”
Riley felt positively dizzy as Blaine began to explain the drawings. He showed how the new wing would include bedrooms for April and Jilly. And of course there would be an entire apartment for Gabriela, Riley’s live-in housekeeper, who could work for them all once everything was built. The new design even included a small office for Riley. She hadn’t had a home office since Jilly had moved in and they’d needed it for a bedroom.
Riley was both overwhelmed and amused.
When he finished explaining things, she said …
“So—is this your way of asking me to marry you?”
Blaine stammered, “I—I guess it is. I realize it’s not very romantic. No ring, no kneeling.”
Riley laughed and said, “Blaine, if you kneel, I swear to God I’ll slap you silly.”
Blaine stared at her with surprise.
But Riley almost meant it. She was having a flashback to Ryan proposing to her so many years ago when they’d been young and poor—Ryan a struggling lawyer and Riley an FBI intern. Ryan had gone through the whole ritual, kneeling and offering her a ring that he really couldn’t afford.
It had seemed plenty romantic back then.
But things had turned out so badly for them, the memory seemed sour to Riley now.
Blaine’s much less traditional proposal seemed perfect by comparison.
Blaine put his arm around Riley’s shoulders and kissed her on the neck.
“You know, marriage would have practical advantages,” he said. “We wouldn’t have to sleep in separate bedrooms when the kids were around.”
Riley felt a tingle of desire at his kiss and his suggestion.
Yes, that would be an advantage, she thought.
Intimate moments had been scarce. The two of them had relegated themselves to separate bedrooms even during this lovely vacation.
Riley sighed deeply and said, “It’s a lot to think about, Blaine. A lot for both of us to think about.”
Blaine nodded. “I know. That’s why I don’t expect you to jump up and down with joy yelling ‘yes, yes, yes’ at the top of your lungs. I just want you to know … it’s been on my mind, and I hope it’s been on your mind too.”
Riley smiled and admitted, “Yes, it has been on my mind.”
They looked into each other’s eyes for a few moments. Again, Riley found herself enjoying the quietness between them. But of course, she knew they couldn’t leave all those questions milling through both their minds unanswered.
Finally Riley said, “Let’s go back outside.”
They refilled their glasses and went out onto the porch and sat down again. The night was getting lovelier by the minute.
Blaine reached over and took Riley’s hand. “I know it’s a big decision. We’ve got a lot to think over. For one thing, we’ve both been married before. And … well, we’re not getting any younger.”
Riley silently thought …
All the more reason to make a commitment.
Blaine continued, “Maybe we should start by listing all the reasons why this might not be a good idea.”
Riley laughed and said, “Oh, Blaine—do we have to?”
But she knew perfectly well he was right.
And I might as well be the one to start, she decided.
She took a long, slow breath and said, “To begin with, we’ve got more than each other to think about. We’re already both parents, with three teenagers between us. If we get married we’ll also be stepparents—me to your girl, you to my two girls. That’s quite a commitment right there.”
“I know,” Blaine said. “But I love the idea of being a father to April and Jilly.”
Riley’s throat tightened with emotion at the sincerity in his voice.
“I feel the same way about Crystal,” she said. Then with a chuckle she added, “My girls have already got a cat and a dog. I hope that’s OK.”
Blaine said, “That’s fine. I won’t even ask for a pet deposit.”
Their laughter rang musically through the night air.
Then Riley said, “OK, it’s your turn.”
Blaine sighed deeply and said, “Well, we’ve both got exes.”
Echoing his sigh, Riley said, “That we do.”
She shuddered as she remembered her only encounter with Blaine’s ex-wife, Phoebe. The woman had been physically attacking poor Crystal in a drunken rage until Riley pulled her off.
Blaine had told Riley that his marriage to Phoebe had been a mistake of his youth, before he’d had any idea that she was bipolar and a danger to herself and others.
Seeming to guess Riley’s thoughts, Blaine said …
“I never hear from Phoebe anymore. She’s living with her sister, Drew. I do communicate with Drew from time to time. She says Phoebe is in recovery and doing better, but she doesn’t give any thought to Crystal and me anymore. I’m sure she’s out of our lives for good.”
Riley swallowed hard and said …
“I wish I could say the same for Ryan.”
Blaine squeezed Riley’s hand and said, “Well, he is April’s father. He’s going to want to keep being part of your lives. Jilly’s too. I can understand that.”
“You’re being too fair to him,” Riley said.
“Really? Why?”
Riley thought …
How can I begin to explain?
Ryan’s one attempt to reconcile and move back in with her had ended disastrously—especially for Jilly and April, who learned the hard way they couldn’t rely on him to be any kind of a father.
Meanwhile, Riley had no idea how many girlfriends had come and gone in Ryan’s life.
She took a sip of her wine and said, “I don’t think we’ll see much of Ryan. And I think that’s just as well.”
Riley and Blaine fell silent for a few moments. As they stared out into the night, Riley’s worries about Phoebe and Ryan slipped out of her mind, and again she basked in the wonderful warmth and comfort of Blaine’s simple companionship.
The quiet was broken by the sounds of footsteps and chattering and giggling as the girls came running out of their room. Then it sounded like they were doing something in the kitchen—getting a late-night snack, Riley guessed.
Meanwhile, Riley and Blaine started talking quietly about different issues—how their very different careers might or might not mesh, how Riley would have to sell the townhouse she’d bought just a year ago, how they would manage their finances, and similar things.
As they talked, Riley found herself thinking …
We started off trying to list reasons why getting married isn’t a good idea.
Instead, it seemed like a better and better idea with each passing second.
And the really beautiful thing was—neither of them had to say so aloud.
I might as well have said yes, she thought.
She certainly felt as though they were seriously engaged to be married.
And she really liked that feeling.
Their conversation was broken when April came rushing out onto the porch with Riley’s cell phone in hand.
The phone was buzzing.
Handing the phone to Riley, April said …
“Hey, Mom—you left your phone in the kitchen. You’ve got a call.”
Riley stifled a sigh. She couldn’t imagine that the call was from anyone she’d want to hear from right now. Sure enough, she saw that the caller was her boss, Special Agent Brent Meredith.
Her spirits faded as she realized …
He wants me back at work.
CHAPTER FOUR
When Riley answered the call, she heard Meredith’s familiar gruff voice.
“How’s your vacation going, Agent Paige?”
Riley managed to keep from saying …
“It was going fine until just now.”
Instead she replied, “It’s lovely. Thanks.”
She got up from the chair and wandered along the porch a little ways.
Meredith let out a hesitant growl, then said …
“Listen, we’ve been getting some peculiar phone calls from a female police officer in Mississippi—a little beachside town called Rushville. She’s working on a murder case. A local man got his head bashed in with a hammer and …”
Meredith paused again, then said …
“She’s got some idea that they’re dealing with a serial killer.”
“Why?” Riley asked.
“Because something similar happened in Rushville—some ten years ago.”
Riley’s squinted with surprise.
She said, “That’s kind of a long time between murders.”
“Yeah, I know,” Meredith said. “I talked to her chief, and he said there was nothing to it. He said she’s just some bored small-town cop looking for excitement. The thing is, though, she keeps calling and she doesn’t really sound like a crazy person so maybe …”
Again Meredith fell silent. Riley looked inside the house and saw that Blaine was helping the girls get something to eat in the kitchen. They all looked so happy. Riley’s heart sank at the thought of having to cut things short.
Then Meredith said, “Look, I guess I was just thinking, if you’re tired of vacationing and feeling homesick for work, maybe you could go down to Mississippi and—”
Riley was startled to hear her own voice interrupt him sharply.
“No,” she said.
Another silence fell, and Riley’s heart jumped up into her throat.
Oh, my God, she thought.
I just said no to Brent Meredith.
She couldn’t remember ever having done that before—and for very good reason. Meredith was known to have a sharp dislike for that word, especially when there was a job to do.
Riley braced herself for a fierce dressing-down. Instead, she heard a gravelly sigh.
Meredith said, “Yeah, I should have figured. It’s probably nothing anyway. I’m sorry I bothered you. Keep on enjoying your vacation.”
Meredith ended the call, and Riley stood on the porch looking at the phone.
Meredith’s words rattled through her head …
“I’m sorry I bothered you.”
That didn’t sound like the chief at all.
Apologies of any sort just weren’t his style.
So what was he really thinking?
Riley had a feeling that Meredith didn’t believe what he’d just said …
“It’s probably nothing anyway.”
Riley suspected that something about the female cop’s story had piqued Meredith’s interest, and he more than half believed there really was a serial killer down in Mississippi. But because he didn’t have any tangible evidence to go on, he didn’t feel as though he could just haul off and order Riley to take the case.
As Riley kept staring at the phone she found herself thinking …
Should I maybe call him back?
Should I go to Mississippi and check this out, at least?
Her thoughts were interrupted by April’s voice.
“So what’s going on? Is vacation over?”
Riley looked and saw that her daughter was standing nearby on the porch, looking at her with a sour expression.
“Why do you think that?” Riley asked.
April sighed and said, “Come on, Mom. I saw who the call was from. You’ve got to run off on another case, don’t you?”
Riley looked into the kitchen and saw that Blaine and the other two girls were still putting snacks together. But Jilly was eyeing Riley uneasily.
Riley suddenly wondered …
What the hell was I just thinking?
She smiled at April and said …
“No, I don’t have to go anywhere. As a matter of fact …”
Then smiling more broadly she added …
“I said no.”
April’s eyes widened. Then she dashed back into the kitchen shouting …
“Hey, guys! Mom said no to a case!”
The other two girls started yelling “Yay!” and “Way to go!” while Blaine gazed at Riley happily.
Then some lighthearted bickering started as Jilly said to her sister …
“I told you. I told you she’d say no.”
April retorted, “No, you didn’t. You were even more worried than I was.”
“Was not,” Jilly said. “You owe me ten dollars.”
“We never made a bet about it!”
“Did too!”
The two girls punched each other playfully, giggling and laughing as they argued.
Riley laughed as well and said, “OK, kids. Break it up. No arguing. Don’t spoil a perfect vacation. Let’s all have something to eat.”
She joined the chattering, laughing group for an evening snack.
As they ate, she and Blaine kept looking at each other lovingly.
They really were a couple with three teenaged children to raise.
Riley wondered …
When was the last time I had a night this wonderful?
*Riley was barefoot, walking on a stretch of beach as the morning light gleamed on the waves. The gulls were calling and the breeze was cool and gentle.
It’s going to be a beautiful day, she thought.
But even so, something seemed deeply wrong.
It took her a moment to realize …
I’m alone.
She looked up and down the beach and saw no one as far as she could see.
Where are they? she wondered.
Where were April and Jilly and Crystal?
And where was Blaine?
A strange dread started to rise up in her, and also a terrifying thought …
Maybe I dreamed the whole thing.
Yes, maybe last night had never happened.
None of it.
Those loving moments with Blaine as they planned their future together.
The laughter of her two daughters—and also Crystal, who was about to become her third daughter.
Her warm, rich feeling of belonging—a feeling she’d spent her whole life seeking and craving.
All just a dream.
And now she was alone—as alone as she’d ever been in her life.
Just then she heard laughing and chattering behind her.
She spun around and saw them …
Blaine, Crystal, April, and Jilly were all running around throwing a beach ball to one another.
Riley breathed a deep sigh of relief.
Of course it was real, she thought.
Of course I didn’t just imagine it.
Riley laughed with joy and broke into a run to join them.
But then something hard and invisible stopped her dead in her tracks.
It was some kind of a barrier that separated her from the people she loved most.
Riley walked along the barrier, running her hands along it, thinking …
Maybe there’s a way around it.
Then she heard a familiar rasp of laughter.
“Give it up, girl,” a voice said. “That life’s not for you.”
Riley turned around and saw someone standing just a few feet away from her.
It was a man in the full-dress uniform of a Marine colonel. He was tall and gangly, his face worn and wrinkled from years of anger and alcohol.
He was the last human being in the world Riley wanted to see.
“Daddy,” she murmured with despair.
He chuckled grimly and said, “Hey, you don’t have to sound so goddamn sad about it. I thought you’d be glad to be reunited with your own flesh and blood.”
“You’re dead,” Riley said.
Daddy shrugged and said, “Well, as you already know, that doesn’t stop me from checking in from time to time.”
Riley dimly realized that this was the truth.
This wasn’t the first time she’d seen her father since his death last year.
And this wasn’t the first time she’d been puzzled by his presence. Just how she could be talking to a dead man made no real sense to her.
But she did know one thing for sure.
She wanted nothing to do with him.
She wanted to be among people who didn’t make her hate herself.
She turned and started to walk toward Blaine and the girls, who were still playing with the beach ball.
Again she was stopped by that invisible barrier.
Her father laughed. “How many times have I got to tell you? You’ve got no business with them.”
Riley’s whole body shook—whether with rage or heartbreak, she wasn’t sure.
She turned toward her father and yelled …
“Leave me alone!”
“Are you sure?” he said. “I’m all you’ve got. I’m all you are.”
Riley snarled, “I’m nothing like you. I know what it means to love and be loved.”
Her father shook his head and shuffled his feet in the sand.
“It’s not that I don’t sympathize,” he said. “It’s a damn crazy useless life you’ve got—seeking justice for people who’re already dead, exactly the people who don’t need justice anymore. Just like it was for me in ’Nam, a stupid war there was no way to win. But you’ve got no choice, and it’s time to make peace with it. You’re a hunter, like me. I raised you that way. We don’t know anything else—neither one of us.”
Riley locked eyes with him, testing her will against his.
Sometimes she could best him, making him blink.
But now wasn’t one of those times.
She blinked and looked away.
Her father sneered at her and said, “Hell, if you want to be alone, that’s fine with me. I’m not exactly enjoying your company either.”
He turned and walked away down the beach.
Riley turned around, and this time she saw them all walking away—April and Jilly hand in hand, Blaine and Crystal heading their own separate way.
As they started to disappear in the morning missed, Riley pounded on the barrier and tried to shout …
“Come back! Please come back! I love you all!”
Her lips moved but made no sound at all.
*Riley eyes snapped open and she found herself lying in bed.
A dream, she thought. I should have known it was a dream.
Her father sometimes came to her in dreams.
How else could he visit her, being dead?
It took her another moment to realize that she was crying.
The overwhelming loneliness, the isolation from the people she loved most, the words of warning from her father …
“You’re a hunter, like me.”
Small wonder she’d woken up in such distress.
She reached for a tissue and managed to calm her sobbing. But even then, that lonely feeling wouldn’t go away. She reminded herself that the kids were sleeping in another room, and Blaine was in another.
But it seemed hard to believe somehow.
Alone in the dark, she felt as though any other people were far away, on the other side of the world.
She thought about getting up and tiptoeing down the hall and joining Blaine in his room, but …
The kids.