Come Fly With Me...
She took a few moments before she answered, trying to sort it all out in her brain. ‘It’s strange. It’s not quite what I’d expected. I’ve avoided babies for months. Any of my friends who were pregnant and delivered, I just made excuses not to see them and sent a present. I think they all understood. Most of them felt awkward around me anyway. I thought Abraham would be my worst nightmare.’
‘And?’
‘And—’ she looked down at the little face, snuggled against her shoulder ‘—I won’t pretend it’s not hard. I won’t pretend that I don’t sometimes just need a minute. Just need a little space. But it’s not as bad as I expected.’
The heat from Abraham’s little body was penetrating through her dressing gown, like an additional hot-water bottle. But it felt good. It felt natural. It didn’t make her want to run screaming from the room. Not in the way she would have expected.
‘Then can you do this, Carrie? Can you keep helping me for the next day or so?’ He pointed to the TV. ‘It doesn’t look like New York is opening back up for business any time soon.’ He touched her arm, and she could sense the frustration he was trying to hide from her. ‘I’ll understand, Carrie. I’ll understand if you say no and want to go back up to your apartment and stay there.’
She thought about it. There was no hiding the fact that for a few moments she actually considered it. But just at that point Abraham moved and snuggled even closer to her neck.
What was up there for her? An empty apartment with no one to talk to. There was only so much news she could watch on TV saying the same things over and over again.
There were only so many times she could rearrange her wardrobe and shoes. There were only so many times she could reread her favourite books.
She sucked in a deep breath. He was watching her. He was holding his breath, waiting for her response. ‘You understand now, but you didn’t understand a couple of nights ago.’ She could remember the stunned expression on his face when she’d bolted for the door.
He nodded in defeat. ‘You’re right. I thought you were distinctly weird. But I was crazy and desperate enough not to care.’ He pointed to his chest. ‘But I know, Carrie, I know in here if someone is a good person. And don’t think it’s anything about being a cop. I’ve been like this since I was a kid. I always knew who had a good heart—no matter what their appearance or surroundings. And I always knew who to steer clear of, no matter what they told me.’
There were shadows in his eyes. He was revealing a tiny part of himself here. Maybe without even knowing it. And that was the second time this had happened. First with the comment about things always staying inside you, and now about knowing people—who to stay away from. How had he learned that lesson? It was painful to even think about it.
She reached up and touched the side of his face with her free hand. Bristles. Dan hadn’t managed to shave yet and they felt good beneath her smooth skin. She even liked the sound.
‘And do you want to steer clear of me, Dan?’ He was staring at her with those dark brown eyes. Pulling her in. Thank goodness she was sitting or her legs would currently be like jelly.
There was comfort here. Because she knew what he was about to say. Didn’t doubt it for a second. This connection was the truest thing she’d felt in a long time.
He gave her that sexy smile. The one that made her stomach flip over. ‘Not for a second,’ he whispered, and leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers.
It was beautiful. The gentlest of kisses.
Just as well. She still had Abraham in her arms. Under any other circumstances she might feel the urge to throw her dressing gown to the wind and jump up onto his lap.
He was concentrating solely on her mouth. His hand still only brushing the side of her face as their kiss deepened and his tongue edged its way into her mouth.
She could feel the heat rush through her, warming her chilled legs and feet and spreading to a whole host of other places.
She could concentrate solely on this. She could concentrate solely on Dan. Once he started kissing her nothing else mattered. Her brain didn’t have room for a single thought.
But as if sensing where this could go, Dan pulled back.
And for a second she felt lost. Until she opened her eyes again and realised he was smiling at her.
‘What do you think, Carrie McKenzie? Will you be my partner in crime? Can Abraham and I count on you?’
She narrowed her eyes at him. Boy, he was good. With his fancy words and his kisses. His help-the-baby plea. This man could charm the birds out of the trees.
Just as well she was the only bird around.
She lifted her eyebrows. ‘Are you doing this for the chocolate cake?’
He smiled. ‘I’m definitely doing it for the chocolate cake.’
‘Well, that makes us even, ’cause I’m doing this for the carrot cake—and the pancakes.’ She liked this. She liked that they could fall back into flirting so easily, even after her monumental revelation.
‘Just what I like—a woman with her priorities in order.’ He pushed himself up from the sofa and held out his hands for Abraham.
‘Don’t you want me to take a turn for a while?’
‘Oh, no.’ He shook his head firmly as he gathered Abraham into his arms and took a long look at her bare legs and painted toenails. ‘What I want is for you to put some clothes on. You’re way too distracting without them.’
She stood up, deliberately letting her dressing gown open, just to annoy him. ‘Well, we wouldn’t want any distractions, would we?’ she teased as she headed to the door.
There was some colour in his cheeks. A guy like Dan couldn’t be embarrassed. Not when he looked like that. He must have women throwing themselves at him all the time—particularly when he was in uniform.
She saw him shifting uncomfortably, adjusting himself. No! She’d caused an age-old reaction with a few cheeky words and a flash of skin. Her cheeks started to blush, too.
And then she started to smile.
It was starting to feel as if she had some control back. As if everything in life wouldn’t just slip through her fingers like grains of sand on the beach.
She turned the handle on the door.
‘Carrie?’
She spun around.
Dan was standing with Abraham in his arms. Looking every inch the gorgeous family man. Looking every inch like the man she pictured in her dreams about the life she wanted to have.
‘Hurry back.’
She tried to think of something witty or clever to say. But she had nothing.
‘Absolutely,’ she muttered as she sped up the stairs as fast as her legs would carry her.
Her brain had just flipped into a spin cycle again.
It was certifiable. Daniel Cooper was driving her crazy.
CHAPTER EIGHT
BY NOW DAN should have been a crumpled heap on the floor. He’d spent most of last night walking the floor with a sometimes whimpering, sometimes screaming baby. At one point he’d put Abraham back in the crib and gone to stand in the kitchen for a few minutes to catch his breath.
But from the moment Carrie had appeared, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after a good night’s sleep, he’d felt instantly invigorated.
There was something about her brown curls, blue eyes and flash of skin that was slowly but surely driving him crazy.
And now he knew.
Now he understood.
Well, not entirely. God willing he’d never really understand what it felt like to lose a child. But at least now he had an explanation for the shadows beneath her eyes. The moments of panic that he’d seen and recognised. Her abruptness. Her lack of confidence in herself.
What he couldn’t understand was why Carrie couldn’t see what he could see. A remarkably caring and competent woman who seemed to have a real empathy with this little baby.
For some reason Carrie’s news reassured him a little. He’d known there was something wrong but hadn’t quite been able to put his finger on it. His instincts told him she was a good person and not a crazed baby-snatcher or madly unstable.
Carrie McKenzie was probably the bravest woman he’d ever met. And that included his grandmother.
She’d put the needs of this little baby—a child she didn’t know—before her own needs, even though it was apparent at times her heart was clearly breaking. How many other people did he know who could have done this?
A smile danced across his lips as he remembered her reaction to Shana’s ‘suck it up’ comment. No wonder she’d been so horrified.
This was truly her worst nightmare and she’d just lived through thirty-odd hours of it, with only a few minor hiccups along the way.
He’d been right to let her sleep. It seemed to have given her new strength and the confidence to share. And he was glad she’d shared.
He’d just resisted the temptation to gather her into his arms and try to take her pain away. Because something told him this was all new for her. Sharing about this was all new for her, and he had to let her go at her own pace.
And while it seemed the most unlikely solution, holding Abraham had seemed to give her comfort at that moment. Which was why he’d resorted to the smallest movement—the hand squeeze—to show his support.
What did this mean now for them?
Now that she’d shared he’d given her the opportunity to walk away. To stop making things so hard on herself. But she was determined to stay and help. And his sense of relief was overwhelming. If left to himself, he was sure he could muddle through. But having someone else there—even a little reluctantly—was more help than she could imagine.
As for the kiss?
How much was Carrie ready to move on?
Because being in a confined space with her was going to drive him crazy—in a good way. Now that he’d tasted her sweet lips and felt the warmth of her body next to his it just made him crave her all the more.
Carrie wasn’t like any other woman that he’d met.
Girls in New York weren’t shy. Reserved was an extinct term around here.
He was used to women throwing themselves at him, in pursuit of either a relationship or something far hotter.
It was just the way of the world these days.
But truth be told, it wasn’t really Dan’s world. It wasn’t really the family values his grandmother had brought him up with. They, in themselves, were almost laughable. His mother certainly hadn’t had any family values—no matter what her family had taught her. And that had reflected badly on Dan.
His grandmother had patched him up, fought fiercely for him and his mother’s name was never mentioned in the house again.
And that was fine with him. For years she haunted his dreams most nights anyway.
But Carrie McKenzie, with her too-blue eyes and quiet nature, was slowly but surely getting under his skin in a way no other woman had.
It was clear there were some aspects of life they disagreed on. But did that mean it would be pointless to pursue anything else? Dan wasn’t sure. He still had his own demons to deal with. And the situation with Abraham was only heightening a whole host of emotions he’d buried for so long.
His stomach grumbled loudly just as Carrie burst back through the door, wearing a pink shirt and jeans, her hair tied up in a loose knot. She laughed at the sound of his stomach. ‘You called?’
He nodded at her hands that were clutched to her chest holding a jar of lemon marmalade. ‘It’s getting to the stage I won’t even fight you about the toast and marmalade. You’ve starved me so long I’m ready to concede.’ He walked over to the crib and laid Abraham back down.
She strode over to the toaster and slid the last of the bread into place. ‘I’ll concede on one thing. I’ll make you coffee instead of tea—but only since you had such a bad night. I might make some scones this afternoon and make you drink tea, then.’
He felt his ears literally prick up. The cupboards’ supplies were getting low—even though it had only been a few days. The cakes yesterday had been a real boost. Scones today? Even better.
‘I’ve never really had the scone things. What do you have them with?’
She shrugged. ‘It should be jam and cream, but jam and butter will do. Do you want fruit scones or plain?’
He rolled his eyes upwards. ‘I take it bacon’s not an option?’ He smiled at the horrified expression on her face. ‘You’ve got a secret stash of dried fruit up there, too?’
She put her hand on her hip and gave him a sassy look. ‘I’ve got a whole host of things you know nothing about up there.’
He let out a stream of air through his lips. ‘Woman, you’re going to drive me crazy.’
The toast popped behind her and she started spreading butter and marmalade, pulled out two plates and mugs and finished making breakfast in record time.
It was almost as if Abraham had an inbuilt antenna. As soon as Carrie’s backside hovered above the chair he started to grizzle in his crib. She glanced at the clock. ‘When did he have his last feed?’
Dan looked at his watch. ‘I think it was around four. This little guy is like clockwork. He couldn’t possibly let it go any more than four hours.’
‘It must be my turn to feed him. Let me make up a bottle.’ She picked out the bottle and teat from the sterilising solution and measured out the formula. ‘I wish we could get some more of the ready-made formula. It’s so much easier.’ She peered into the contents of the formula tub. ‘How many bottles does this make? I know it’s only a small can but it seems to be going down mighty quickly.’ She turned back to face him.
Dan wasn’t listening. He was staring at the toast and lemon marmalade as if it had sprouted legs and run across the floor.
‘Dan? Dan? What’s wrong.’
He took another bite of the toast. ‘This is much nicer than I remember. Or maybe it’s just that I’m so hungry that I would eat anything.’ He stared at the toast. ‘I always thought marmalade was—you know—yeuch.’ He let a shiver go down his spine. ‘I don’t remember it tasting like this.’
She gave him a smile. ‘It’s one of my secrets. You probably had orange marmalade as a child. I don’t like it, either. This is much nicer, made with lemons. I brought it with me from London.’
He narrowed his eyes. ‘Where do you keep the jar?’
She tapped the side of her nose. ‘Aha, that’s a secret. You’ll never make me tell.’
‘Never?’ He stood up, his chair skidding across the floor and his hands on her hips in an instant. She could hardly even remember him crossing the space.
Oh, no. Those come-to-bed eyes again. The kind that gave her ideas she really shouldn’t be having at this time of day.
He didn’t wait. He didn’t ask. He just claimed her lips as his own. His hand coming up and cupping her cheek. There was an element of ownership in his actions.
But the strange thing was, instead of being annoying, it sent little sparks of heat all the way down to the tips of her toes.
The past year had been lonely. The past year had been more than lonely. The past year had been dark and bleak and, at times, scary.
Sometimes she felt as if the black cloud around her would never lift, no matter how hard she tried.
For the first time she was feeling something other than despair. Other than hopelessness.
Maybe her senses were overreacting. Maybe it had just been too long since she’d been in a position like this, where her hormones couldn’t keep themselves in check.
All she knew was she wanted Daniel Cooper’s lips on hers. She wanted Daniel Cooper pressed up against her. She wanted to feel his arms around her body, touching her skin, stroking her cheek...
She wound her arms around his neck as his hands found their way to the bare skin at the small of her back. Would his fingers creep any lower? Or any higher? She wasn’t quite sure which way she wanted them to go.
There was a howl from the corner of the room and they jerked apart instantly.
Baby. There was a baby in the room. She made to move towards the crib. ‘Don’t. I’ll do it,’ he said, his hands still pressed firmly against her hips.
‘But you did all of last night.’ She touched his shoulder. ‘You’re exhausted, Dan. You really should get some sleep.’
He nodded. ‘And I will, as soon as you’ve eaten. You haven’t had a chance yet. Finish breakfast, then come and take over from me.’
She eyed her toast with oodles of butter and marmalade and her steaming-hot cup of tea. How long would it take her? Five minutes? Then she could take over from Dan for a good part of the day.
From the shadows under his eyes it was clear that he needed a few hours’ sleep. Could she cope with Abraham on her own for a few hours?
No matter how hard she was trying here, the thought still struck fear in her heart. What if something happened? What if she did something wrong?
The truth was she felt safer when Dan was around. Even though he told her she was doing a great job she wasn’t sure she wanted to do it alone.
One of the little cardigans was hanging on the side of the crib and the solution was with her in an instant. Of course! That was what she would do. She would take Abraham upstairs to visit Mrs Van Dyke—at least then she wouldn’t be on her own. And even though Mrs Van Dyke was elderly she had lots of experience with babies. She might even be able to give Carrie some tips.
She looked over to the sofa. Dan was already taking the bottle out of Abraham’s mouth. He was feeding really quickly. A thought crossed her mind. ‘Is your internet working yet?’
Dan shrugged his shoulders. He was deep in concentration. ‘Haven’t checked yet. Why?’
‘Do you think there’s any way we could weigh Abraham? Maybe we aren’t giving him enough milk. He always seems to gulp really quickly then gets lots of wind.’
The news anchor was telling the same story over and over again. Wasn’t she wearing that same suit jacket a few days ago? Pictures filled the screen of stranded cars, a collapsed tree in Central Park, aerial shots of all the roads completely covered in snow. More pictures of people being rescued by police and, in some cases, helicopters. It looked as if there had been barely any improvements in the past two days. Her voice was starting to annoy Carrie.
‘Snow ploughs cleared most of New York State Thruway the I-87 this morning, only for the hard work to be destroyed less than three hours later after another record deluge of snow. Some people had been waiting two days to get their cars out of the snowdrifts, only to get snowed back in a few miles down the thruway. Emergency services can’t give an estimate on how much longer it will take to clear the thruway again. They are stressing that people in the area should only travel in emergency cases. Every resource possible is currently being used to try and restore the fluctuating power supplies to the city. Some areas of the city have been without power for more than twenty-four hours. Authorities assure us that all power supplies should be connected in the next twelve hours.’
Dan pointed at the screen. ‘That’s the bad news. Now wait for it—here comes the good news story.’
Carrie turned back to the screen. She definitely had seen that jacket before. Wardrobe at the news station must be as closed down as the rest of New York.
‘And finally, community kitchens are springing up all over New York City. The latest is in Manhattan’s Lower East Side at Sara D. Roosevelt Park and the locals have been enjoying the opportunity to gather somewhere with some hot food and heating.’ The camera shot to children building a giant snowman in the park and several residents holding cups with something steaming hot inside.
‘Wow, that snowman is enormous. There’s no way a kid made that. They couldn’t reach that high.’
‘Do I sense a little snowman envy?’ Dan had an amused expression on his face.
Carrie shrugged. ‘Maybe. Can’t even tell you the last time I made a snowman. I must have been around ten. Back home in London I don’t even have a garden.’
Dan headed over to the back window, juggling Abraham in his arms. It was time for winding again. ‘Most of the apartments around here don’t have gardens. But there are gardens. Have you managed to get to Washington Square Park yet?’
She joined him at the window, looking out over the snow-covered back alley. ‘If I even thought we’d have a chance of making it there I’d ask you to take me.’ She reached over and touched Abraham’s little hand. ‘But we pretty much can’t take this little guy anywhere with no proper clothes, jacket or snowsuit. I guess that means we’re stranded.’
It was the wrong thing to say. Almost as soon as she said the words she wanted to pull them back. She could instantly see Dan’s back and shoulders stiffen, the atmosphere changing around them in a second.
‘I guess the actions of others impact on us all.’
She was still touching Abraham’s hand, letting his little fingers connect with hers. ‘We don’t know, Dan. We don’t know anything.’
He spun around to face her. ‘Of course we do. Look at him. Look at this defenceless little baby. Left out in the cold with hardly any clothes. He could have died out there, Carrie. He could have died.’
‘Don’t. Don’t say that. I don’t even want to think about that. I can’t think about that.’
She stared him down. He had to know how much his words impacted on her. How she couldn’t even bear to think the thoughts he was putting in her head.
‘Why are you so critical, Dan? You must see a whole host of things in your line of work. I thought that would make you more sympathetic to people out there. Not sit as judge and master.’
‘I don’t judge.’ His words were snapped and Abraham flinched at the rise in his voice.
‘Well, I think you do. I think that’s what you’ve done since the second I found Abraham and brought him to you.’
He opened his mouth, obviously ready to hit her with a torrent of abuse. But good sense waylaid him. She could almost see him biting his tongue and it annoyed her. She didn’t want Dan to hide things from her. He should tell her how he really felt. It didn’t matter that they would disagree.
‘Spit it out, Dan.’
‘I don’t think that’s wise.’ His words were growled through clenched teeth.
She walked right up to him, her face directly under his chin. He was angry. She could tell he was angry. But she wasn’t intimidated at all. Dan would never direct his anger at her.
‘So, you can kiss me to death, but you can’t tell me how you feel?’
Dan walked over to the crib, placed Abraham down and raked his hand through his short hair, his hand coming around and scraping at the bristles on his chin. ‘Just leave it, Carrie.’
‘Why? Isn’t it normal to disagree about things? I just can’t understand why the guy who was prepared to risk his life for a bunch of strangers can’t take a minute to show a little compassion to a woman who is clearly desperate.’ She pointed over at the crib. ‘No woman in her right mind would abandon her baby. Not without good reason. I bet she’s lying crying and terrified right now. I bet the past two nights she hasn’t slept a wink with worry over how her son is doing.’
He shook his head. ‘You’re wrong, Carrie. You’re more than wrong. Good people don’t do things like this. Good people don’t abandon their babies or make them suffer. Everyone who has the responsibility for children should put their needs first—before their own.’
She wrinkled her brow. ‘What are you getting at, Dan? What need do you think Abraham’s mother was putting first?’
He couldn’t meet her eyes. He couldn’t look at her. His eyes were fixed either on the floor or the ceiling. He walked towards the window, staring out at the snow-covered street, his hands on his hips. ‘Drugs, Carrie. I think his mother was looking for her next fix.’
Carrie’s hand flew up to her mouth. It hadn’t even occurred to her. It hadn’t even crossed her mind.
Maybe she was too innocent. Maybe she’d lived a sheltered life.
‘No.’ She crossed quickly to the crib and looked down at Abraham. His eyelids were fluttering, as if he was trying to focus on the changing shapes around him. He looked so innocent. So peaceful. The thought of his mother being a drug user horrified Carrie.