The History of the Devil, As Well Ancient as Modern: In Two Parts

This Second Edition of this Work, notwithstanding a large Impression of the First, is a Certificate from the World of its general Acceptation; so we need not, according to the Custom of Editors, boast of it without Evidence, or tell a F – b in its Favour.

The Subject is singular, and it has been handled after a singular Manner: The wise World has been pleased with it, the merry World has been diverted with it, and the ignorant World has been taught by it; none but the malicious part of the World has been offended at it: Who can wonder, that when the Devil is not pleased, his Friends should be angry?

The strangest thing of it all is, to hear Satan complain that the Story is handled prophanely: But who can think it strange that his Advocates should be, what he was from the Beginning?

The Author affirms, and has good Vouchers for it (in the Opinion of such whose Judgment passes with him for an Authority) that the whole Tenor of the Work is solemn, calculated to promote serious Religion, and capable of being improv’d in a religious manner. But he does not think that we are bound never to speak of the Devil but with an Air of Terror, as if we were always afraid of him.

’Tis evident the Devil, as subtle and as frightful as he is, has acted the ridiculous and foolish Part, as much as most of God’s Creatures, and daily does so. And he cannot believe ’tis any Sin to expose him for a foolish Devil, as he is, or shew the World that he may be laugh’d at.

Those that think the Subject not handled with Gravity enough, have all the Room given them in the World to handle it better; and as the Author professes he is far from thinking his Piece perfect, they ought not to be angry that he gives them leave to mend it. He has had the Satisfaction to please some Readers, and to see good Men approve it; and for the rest, as my Lord Rochester says in another Case,

As for a certain Reverend Gentleman, who is pleased gravely to dislike the Work (he hopes, rather for the Author’s sake than the Devil’s) he only says, Let the Performance be how it will, and the Author what he will, it is apparent he has not yet preach’d away all his Hearers.

It is enough to me (says the Author) that the Devil himself is not pleased with my Work, and less with the Design of it; let the Devil and all his fellow Complainers stand on one side, and the honest, well meaning, charitable World, who approve my Work, on the other, and I’ll tell Noses with Satan, if he dares.

Chap. I

I doubt not but the title of this book will amuse some of my reading friends a little at first; they will make a pause, perhaps, as they do at a witch’s prayer, and be some time resolving whether they had best look into it or no, lest they should really raise the Devil by reading his story.

Children and old women have told themselves so many frightful things of the Devil, and have form’d ideas of him in their minds, in so many horrible and monstrous shapes, that really it were enough to fright the Devil himself, to meet himself in the dark, dress’d up in the several figures which imagination has form’d for him in the minds of men; and as for themselves, I cannot think by any means that the Devil would terrify them half so much, if they were to converse face to face with him.

It must certainly therefore be a most useful undertaking to give the true history of this Tyrant of the air, this God of the world, this terror and aversion of mankind, which we call Devil; to shew what he is, and what he is not, where he is, and where he is not, when he is in us, and when he is not; for I cannot doubt but that the Devil is really and bona fide in a great many of our honest weak-headed friends, when they themselves know nothing of the matter.

Nor is the work so difficult as some may imagine. The Devil’s history is not so hard to come at, as it seems to be; His original and the first rise of his family is upon record, and as for his conduct, he has acted indeed in the dark, as to method in many things; but in general, as cunning as he is, he has been fool enough to expose himself in some of the most considerable transactions of his Life, and has not shewn himself a politician at all: Our old friend Matchiavel outdid him in many things, and I may in the process of this work give an account of several of the sons of Adam, and some societies of ’em too, who have out-witted the Devil, nay, who have out-sin’d the Devil, and that I think may be call’d out-shooting him in his own bow.

It may perhaps be expected of me in this history, that since I seem inclin’d to speak favourably of Satan, to do him justice, and to write his story impartially, I should take some pains to tell you what religion he is of; and even this part may not be so much a jest, as at first sight you may take it to be; for Satan has something of religion in him, I assure you; nor is he such an unprofitable Devil that way, as some may suppose him to be; for tho’, in reverence to my brethren, I will not reckon him among the Clergy; No not so much as a gifted Brother, yet I cannot deny, but that he often preaches, and if it be not profitably to his hearers; ’tis as much their fault, as it is out of his design.

It has indeed been suggested that he has taken orders, and that a certain Pope, famous for being an extraordinary favourite of his, gave him both institution and induction; but as this is not upon record, and therefore we have no authentic document for the probation, I shall not affirm it for a truth, for I would not slander the Devil.

It is said also, and I am apt to believe it, that he was very familiar with that holy father Pope Silvester II. and some charge him with personating Pope Hildebrand on an extraordinary occasion, and himself sitting in the chair apostolick, in a full congregation; and you may hear more of this hereafter: But as I do not meet with Pope Diabolus among the list; in all father Platina’s lives of the Popes, so I am willing to leave it as I find it.

But to speak to the point, and a nice point it is I acknowledge; namely, what religion the Devil is of; my answer will indeed be general, yet not at all ambiguous, for I love to speak positively and with undoubted evidence.

1. He is a believer. And if in saying so it should follow, that even the Devil has more religion than some of our men of fame can at this time be charged with, I hope my Lord – and his Grace the – of – and some of the upper class in the red-hot club, will not wear the coat, however well it may sit to their shapes, or challenge the Satyr, as if it were pointed at them, because ’tis due to them: In a word, whatever their Lordships are, I can assure them that the Devil is no Infidel.

2. He fears God. We have such abundant evidence of this in sacred History, that if I were not at present, in common with a few others, talking to an infidel sort of Gentlemen, with whom those remote things call’d Scriptures are not allow’d in evidence, I might say it was sufficiently prov’d; but I doubt not in the process of this undertaking to shew, that the Devil really fears God, and that after another manner than ever he fear’d Saint Frances or Saint Dunstan; and if that be proved, as I take upon me to advance, I shall leave it to judgment, who’s the better Christian, the Devil who believes and trembles, or our modern gentry of – who believe neither God nor Devil.

Having thus brought the Devil within the Pale, I shall leave him among you for the present; not but that I may examine in its order who has the best claim to his brotherhood, the Papists or the Protestants; and among the latter the Lutherans or the Calvinists; and so descending to all the several denominations of churches, see who has less of the Devil in them, and who more; and whether less or more the Devil has not a seat in every synagogue, a pew in every church, a place in every pulpit, and a vote in every synod; even from the Sanhedrim of the Jews, to our friends at the Bull and Mouth, &c. from the greatest to the least.

It will, I confess, come very much within the compass of this part of my discourse, to give an account, or at least make an essay toward it, of the share the Devil has had in the spreading religion in the world; and especially of dividing and subdividing opinions in religion; perhaps, to eke it out and make it reach the farther; and also to shew how far he is or has made himself a missionary of the famous clan de propaganda fide; it is true, we find him heartily employ’d in almost every corner of the world ad propagandum errorem: But that may require a history by it self.

As to his propagating religion, ’tis a little hard indeed, at first sight, to charge the Devil with propagating religion, that is to say, if we take it literally, and in the gross; but if you take it as the Scots insisted to take the oath of fidelity, viz. with an explanation, it is plain Satan has very often had a share in the method, if not in the design of propagating the christian faith: For example.

I think I do no injury at all to the Devil, to say that he had a great hand in the old holy war, as it was ignorantly and enthusiastically call’d; stirring up the christian princes and powers of Europe to run a madding after the Turks and Saracens, and make war with those innocent people above a thousand miles off, only because they entred into God’s heritage when he had forsaken it; graz’d upon his ground when he had fairly turn’d it into a common, and laid it open for the next comer; spending their nation’s treasure, and embarking their kings and people, (I say) in a war above a thousand miles off, filling their heads with that religious madness, call’d, in those days, holy zeal to recover the terra sancta, the sepulchers of Christ and the Saints, and as they call’d it falsly, the holy city, tho’ true religion says it was the accursed city, and not worth spending one drop of blood for.

This religious Bubble was certainly of Satan, who, as he craftily drew them in, so like a true Devil he left them in the lurch when they came there, fac’d about to the Saracens, animated the immortal Saladin against them, and manag’d so dexterously that he left the bones of about thirteen or fourteen hundred thousand Christians there as a trophy of his infernal politicks; and after the christian world had run a la santa terra, or in English a saunt’ring, about a hundred year, he dropt it to play another game less foolish, but ten times wickeder than that which went before it, namely, turning the crusadoes of the Christians one against another; and, as Hudibras said in another case,

Of this you have a compleat account in the history of the Popes decrees against the Count de Thoulouse, and the Waldenses and Albigenses, with the crusadoes and massacres which follow’d upon them, wherein to do the Devil’s politicks some justice, he met with all the success he could desire; the zealots of that day executed his infernal orders most punctually, and planted religion in those countries in a glorious and triumphant manner, upon the destruction of an infinite number of innocent people, whose blood has fatten’d the soil for the growth of the Catholick faith, in a manner very particular, and to Satan’s full satisfaction.

I might, to compleat this part of his history, give you the detail of his progress in these first steps of his alliances with Rome; and add a long list of massacres, wars, and expeditions in behalf of religion, which he has had the honour to have a visible hand in; such as the Parisian massacre, the Flemish war under the Duke d’ Alva, the Smithfield fires in the Marian days in England, and the massacres in Ireland; all which would most effectually convince us that the Devil has not been idle in his business; but I may meet with these again in my way, ’tis enough, while I am upon the generals only, to mention them thus in a summary way; I say, ’tis enough to prove that the Devil has really been as much concerned as any body, in the methods taken by some people for propagating the christian religion in the world.

Some have rashly, and I had almost said maliciously charg’d the Devil with the great triumphs of his friends the Spaniards in America, and would place the conquest of Mexico and Peru to the credit of his account.

But I cannot join with them in this at all, I must say, I believe the Devil was innocent of that matter; my reason is, because, Satan was never such a fool as to spend his time, or his politicks, or embark his allies to conquer nations who were already his own; that would be Satan against Beelzebub, making war upon himself, and at least doing nothing to the purpose.

If they should charge him, indeed, with deluding Philip II. of Spain into that preposterous attempt call’d the Armada, (anglice, the Spanish Invasion,) I should indeed more readily join with them; but whether he did it weakly, in hope, which was indeed not likely, that it should succeed; or wickedly, to destroy that great fleet of the Spaniards, and draw them within the reach of his own dominions, the elements; this being a question which authors differ exceedingly about, I shall leave it to decide it self.

But the greatest piece of management, which we find the Devil has concern’d himself in of late, in the matter of religion, seems to be that of the mission into China; and here indeed Satan has acted his master-piece: It was, no doubt, much for his service that the Chineses should have no insight into matters of religion, I mean, that we call christian; and therefore, tho’ Popery and the Devil are not at so much variance as some may imagine, yet he did not think it safe to let the general system of Christianity be heard of among them in China. Hence when the name of the christian religion had but been received with some seeming approbation in the country of Japan, Satan immediately, as if alarm’d at the thing, and dreading what the consequence of it might be, arm’d the Japoneses against it with such fury, that they expell’d it at once.

It was much safer to his designs, when, if the story be not a fiction, he put that Dutch witicism into the mouths of the States commanders, when they came to Japan; who having more wit than to own themselves Christians in such a place as that, when the question was put to them, answered negatively, That they were not, but that they were of another religion call’d Hollanders.

However, it seems the diligent Jesuits out-witted the Devil in China, and, as I said above, over-shot him in his own Bow; for the mission being in danger by the Devil and the Chinese Emperor’s joining together, of being wholly expell’d there too, as they had been in Japan, they cunningly fell in with the ecclesiasticks of the country, and joining the priestcraft of both religions together, they brought Jesus Christ and Confucius to be so reconcilable, that the Chinese and the Roman idolatry appeared capable of a confederacy, of going on hand in hand together, and consequently of being very good friends.

This was a master-piece indeed, and, as they say, almost frighted Satan out of his wits; but he being a ready manager, and particularly famous for serving himself of the rogueries of the priests, fac’d about immediately to the mission, and making a virtue of necessity, clapt in, with all possible alacrity, with the proposal1; so the Jesuits and he form’d a hotch-potch of religion made up of Popery and Paganism and calculated to leave the latter rather worse than they found it, binding the faith of Christ and the philosophy or morals of Confucius together, and formally christening them by the name of religion; by which means the politick interest of the mission was preserved; and yet Satan lost not one inch of ground with the Chineses, no, not by the planting the Gospel it self, such as it was, among them.

Nor has it been such disadvantage to him that this plan or scheme of a new modell’d religion would not go down at Rome, and that the Inquisition damn’d it with Bell, Book and Candle; distance of place serv’d his new allies, the missionaries, in the stead of a protection from the Inquisition; and now and then a rich present well plac’d found them friends in the congregation it self; and where any Nuncio with his impudent zeal pretended to take such a long voyage to oppose them, Satan took care to get him sent back re infecta, or inspir’d the million to move him off the premisses, by methods of their own (that is to say, being interpreted) to murther him.

Thus the mission has in itself been truly devilish, and the Devil has interested himself in the planting the christian religion in China.

The influence the Devil has in the Politicks of mankind, is another especial part of his history, and would require, if it were possible, a very exact description; but here we shall necessarily be obliged to inquire so nicely into the Arcana of circumstances, and unlock the cabinets of state in so many courts, canvass the councils of ministers and the conduct of princes so fully, and expose them so much, that it may, perhaps, make a combustion among the great politicians abroad; and in doing that we may come so near home too, that tho’ personal safety and prudentials forbid our medling with our own country, we may be taken in a double entendre, and fall unpitied for being only suspected of touching truths that are so tender, whether we are guilty or no; on these accounts I must meddle the less with that part, at least for the present.

Be it that the Devil has had a share in some of the late councils of Europe, influencing them this way or that way, to his own advantage, what is it to us? For example, What if he has had any concern in the late affair of Thorn? What need we put it upon him, seeing his confederates the Jesuites with the Assessorial tribunal of Poland take it upon themselves? I shall leave that part to the issue of time. I wish it were as easy to persuade the world that he had no hand in bringing the injur’d Protestants to leave the justice due to the cries of protestant blood to the arbitrament of a popish power, who dare say that the Devil must be in it, if justice should be obtain’d that way: I should rather say, the Devil is in it, or else it would never be expected.

It occurs next to enquire from the premisses, whether the Devil has more influence or less in the affairs of the world now, than he had in former ages; and this will depend upon comparing, as we go along, his methods and way of working in past times, and the modern politicks by which he acts in our days; with the differing reception which he has met with among the men of such distant ages.

But there is so much to enquire of about the Devil, before we can bring his story down to our modern times, that we must for the present let them drop, and look a little back to the remoter parts of this history; drawing his picture that people may know him when they meet him, and see who and what he is, and what he has been doing ever since he got leave to act in the high station he now appears in.

In the mean time, if I might obtain leave to present an humble petition to Satan, it should be, that he would according to modern usage oblige us all, with writing the history of his own times; ’twould, as well as one that is gone before it, be a Devilish good one; for as to the sincerity of the performance, the authority of the particulars, the justice of the characters, &c. if they were no better vouch’d, no more consistent with themselves, with charity, with truth, and with the honour of an historian, than the last of that kind which came abroad among us, it must be a reproach to the Devil himself to be the author of it.

Were Satan to be brought under the least obligation to write truth, and that the matters of fact, which he should write, might be depended upon, he is certainly qualified by his knowledge of things to be a compleat historian; nor could the Bishop himself, who, by the way, has given us already the Devil of a history, come up to him: Milton’s Pandemonium, tho’ an excellent dramatick performance, would appear a meer trifling sing-song business, beneath the dignity of Chevy-chase: The Devil could give us a true account of all the civil wars in Heaven; how and by whom, and in what manner he lost the day there, and was oblig’d to quit the field: The fiction of his refusing to acknowledge and submit to the Messiah, upon his being declar’d Generalissimo of the Heavenly forces, which Satan expected himself, as the eldest officer; and his not being able to brook another to be put in over his head; I say, that fine-spun thought of Mr. Milton would appear to be strain’d too far, and only serve to convince us that he (Milton) knew nothing of the matter. Satan knows very well, that the Messiah was not declared to be the Son of God with power till by and after the resurrection from the dead, and that all power was then given him in Heaven and earth, and not before; so that Satan’s rebellion must derive from other causes, and upon other occasions, as he himself can doubtless give us an account, if he thinks fit, and of which we shall speak further in this work.

What a fine History might this old Gentleman write of the Antediluvian world, and of all the weighty affairs, as well of state as of religion, which happen’d during the fifteen hundred years of the patriarchal administration!

Who, like him, could give a full and compleat account of the Deluge, whether it was a meer vindictive, a blast from Heaven, wrought by a supernatural power in the way of miracle? or whether, according to Mr. Burnet’s Theory, it was a consequence following antecedent causes by the meer necessity of nature; seen in constitution, natural position, and unavoidable working of things, as by the Theory publish’d by that learn’d enthusiast it seems to be?

Satan could easily account for all the difficulties of the Theory, and tell us whether, as there was a natural necessity of the Deluge, there is not the like necessity and natural tendency to a Conflagration at last.

Would the Devil exert himself as an Historian, for our improvement and diversion, how glorious an account could he give us of Noah’s Voyage round the world, in the famous Ark! he could resolve all the difficulties about the building it, the furnishing it, and the laying up provision in it for all the collection of kinds that he had made; He could tell us whether all the creatures came voluntier to him to go into the ark, or whether he went a hunting for several years before, in order to bring them together.