Loving him was going to be intolerable.
Eight
Blake made love to her many times during the night, both downstairs and in his bed. Samantha had never known such bliss, but by the time the next morning rolled around and she’d gone back to her own room to get dressed for work, she had a thousand worries inside her head. She loved Blake and that presented so many problems. She’d virtually promised him she wouldn’t fall for him. Now it seemed like she’d gone back on her word.
Worse, somewhere along the line she hadn’t exactly “fallen” for him. No, she’d skipped that bit and had progressed straight to loving him. They’d worked together so closely these past two years, she already knew Blake was the type of man she admired and respected. And falling “in” love implied she could fall “out” of love with him—like she’d done with Carl. With Blake, she knew there would be no retracting her love for him.
If only she could.
Oh, God, loving Blake had taken her further with her emotions than she’d ever dared venture. And now she had to survive until she could leave for good. She had to remain tough. She would constantly have to keep something of herself back. Last night during their lovemaking, she’d only managed to keep a lid on it through sheer terror—only by telling herself he would run in the other direction if he knew how deep her feelings went. Talk about emotional involvement on her part!
And now more than ever she had to leave at the end of her month’s contract. She couldn’t stay permanently. Blake had been honest enough to admit he couldn’t handle emotional involvement and she believed him. If he discovered she loved him, he’d be horrified. He’d probably have her on the next plane out of Aspen before she could blink. Even if he didn’t, she couldn’t risk giving him such a strong emotive power over her. A power he might use in and out of the bedroom to get her to stay.
For all the wrong reasons.
Yet would Blake manipulate her in such a way? He was, after all, the man she loved. An honorable man. Would he really do any of those things? Her heart remembered his generous lovemaking and said no. Her head remembered the hard businessman and said maybe.
Making love to a woman certainly changed things, Blake decided as he watched Samantha eat breakfast in the hotel restaurant. He’d sat opposite her like this many times in the last two years but it had always been about work. Now all he could think about was being inside her again.
She’d been so generously tight last night when he’d finally buried himself in her softness. It had almost sent him straight into orgasm. Only the need to give her more pleasure had held him back. Never before had that happened to him. He’d always made sure his partner had been fulfilled before taking his own pleasure, but this time her pleasure had been totally his. It had been the ultimate experience for him. How could that other man—that Carl—not have wanted her in his bed? Idiot!
“Tell me something, Blake,” she said, cutting into his thoughts as he buttered a slice of toast.
“Anything.” Well, not quite anything. He wasn’t up for a meaningful discussion this morning. He merely wanted to sit here and soak up this beautiful woman in front of him.
She tilted her brunette head to one side. “Did you tell Andy to add the candles last night at dinner?”
He was relieved at the simple question. “Sorry, no. I wasn’t planning on seduction. At least, not until I was sure you could handle becoming my lover.” He smiled. “I’ll light you some candles tonight, though.”
A feathery blush ran across her cheeks but she looked pleased. “I’ve just realized something. You’re a romantic, Blake Jarrod.”
“Sometimes.” He liked to romance a woman as much as the next guy. “But don’t get the wrong idea that I’m a softie.”
She nodded. “Got it. Hard in business. Good in bed.”
He gave a low laugh. “I like that assessment.” He also liked to think he was both things in and out of bed, but he wouldn’t embarrass her further. Not here.
But tonight …
“I keep forgetting to mention this,” she said, “but I haven’t thanked you for taking such good care of me the other night.”
“Oh, I think you did thank me,” he said pointedly. “And you can thank me again later.”
“Blake!” she hissed, but he could see she was enjoying this sexual interplay.
“What?” he drawled. “I’m just saying—”
A figure appeared at their table. “There you are, Sam,” Joel said, giving them both a smile but causing Blake’s mouth to clamp shut. “I’m glad I caught you. How are you this morning? How’s the head?”
“Fine, Joel. No aftereffects at all,” she assured the doctor.
“You’re taking things easy, I hope?”
Her eyes made a quick dart across the table then back up at the other man. “Yes.” Her cheeks had grown a little warm and that in itself appeased Blake.
“Good. Then how about we take in that movie tonight?”
She looked at Blake again. “Oh, Joel, I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“Tomorrow night, then?”
Blake held his tongue. He wanted to lay claim to Samantha and tell the other man to shove off, but he’d first give her the opportunity to do it.
“Um, Joel. Perhaps not.” She shifted in her seat. “I’m returning to Vegas in less than two weeks’ time and then I’m going home to Pasadena for good once I wrap things up there. So, you see, there’s a lot to be done here right now. I need to work full-on with Blake until then.”
Blake was dumbfounded.
“You’re leaving?” the other man said, sounding shocked, echoing Blake’s thoughts. “I can’t believe that.”
Another echo of his thoughts.
She looked slightly uncomfortable. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but it was something that hadn’t been finalized until now.”
Joel gave a small nod. “I understand. Maybe we can get together in Pasadena sometime in the future? We’ll at least have to get together for coffee before you leave.”
She slipped him a smile. “That would be lovely.”
Blake was vaguely aware of the other man walking away from the table, but he only had eyes for one person. “Samantha,” he growled. “What the hell is going on?”
Her look seemed cagey. “I didn’t want him knowing the truth. Our affair is our business and no one else’s.”
Anger stirred inside him. “I’m not talking about our affair, and you know it. Dammit, don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
She lifted her chin. “You’re talking about me still leaving,” she clarified. “I’m sorry, Blake. Did you think that I would change my mind?”
“Yes, I damn well did.” He’d expected her to stay now, not because he’d enticed her into staying but because she wanted to. And hell, she didn’t seem to understand that he’d made a big concession in not seducing her in the bathroom yesterday morning. Now it felt like she’d slapped him in the face. He’d given. She’d taken. And now she was giving nothing back.
“But why, Blake? Our lovemaking hasn’t changed anything. We both decided it would only be physical and nothing more. No commitment, remember?”
Her words appeared to be reasonable, but for all that she had a peculiar look in her eyes he couldn’t decipher. “That’s still got nothing to do with you leaving.”
“Doesn’t it? I was leaving before we made love and I’m still leaving, so what’s changed?”
Damn her. She was right. Even so, he couldn’t explain it. He just knew something had changed and he didn’t want to decode it. He just wanted her to stay and enjoy what they had for a while. They could at least get a couple of months together. Why leave while the going was good?
She shot him an unexpected candid look. “Blake, you asked me if I could handle a sexual relationship, and I said I could. It sounds to me like you aren’t handling it.”
His mouth tightened. “I’m handling it.”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t—”
“Blake,” a male voice called out, and Blake instantly knew who it was. He stiffened. Damn the world! His twin brother was the last person he wanted to see. Guy had always understood him—sometimes more than he understood himself. Right now wasn’t a good time to put that to the test.
He shot to his feet, turned and headed for the private elevator. “It’ll have to wait until later, Guy,” he muttered, striding past his brother.
Guy’s steps faltered as he approached the table. Then as he came closer, he looked at Samantha with mild amusement. “Was it something I said?” he quipped in that easygoing way of his.
Samantha couldn’t smile if her life depended on it. “He’s got a lot on his mind.”
Guy sobered. “Yeah, I know.” He sent her a penetrating look that reminded her of Blake. “I hear you’re leaving.”
She nodded, still surprised word had gotten around the family so fast, and even more surprised that they were genuinely sorry to see her go. It wasn’t like she was a friend of the family … or marrying into it.
“I’m glad I saw you,” Guy said, drawing her back to the moment. “Avery and I would like to have you around for dinner before you go.”
Somehow she managed a faint smile. “That would be very nice.”
“Blake, too, of course.” Silence, then, “He’ll miss you when you leave.”
“Maybe.” Maybe not. “I’ll find him an excellent replacement.”
“It won’t be the same.”
Her throat constricted. “He’ll get over it.” She stood up. “You’ll have to excuse me, Guy. I need to start work. There’s a lot to do.”
Guy stepped back and let her pass, but he was frowning and she could feel his eyes on her all the way out the eatery. Thankfully she had a few moments of privacy as the elevator took her to the top floor.
If only Blake wanted her to stay because he loved her, then things would be perfect. But for him this was only about two things—the job and sex. It wasn’t about love. She sighed. She’d have to be crazy to think he would make a commitment. And she hadn’t wanted a commitment before anyway, so why the heck was she even considering it now?
She must have rocks in her head.
Or have been hit on the head with a rock. It must have caused more damage than she’d thought. Why else would she be unwise enough to love a man who wouldn’t let himself love in return? That bruise must have addled more than her brain. It had addled her heart.
Thankfully Blake’s door was shut when she entered her office so she sat at her desk. Come to think of it, she felt a little better knowing she had hoisted Blake with his own petard. That was rather clever of her. He’d sprouted all that talk about not getting emotionally involved, but clearly his emotions were involved, albeit not enough and not the ones that mattered most to her.
They didn’t entail love.
God was merciful just then, when not only did the phone start to ring but one of the staff who had a meeting with Blake walked into her office. Samantha got busy, putting on her professional persona as she placed the caller on hold, buzzing Blake on the intercom to tell him his first appointment was here. At his request, she ushered the staff member into his office, all the while keeping her face neutral whenever she looked at her boss. He seemed equally as disinterested in her, though she knew otherwise. What he was and what he seemed were two different things. She could recognize that in another person. After all, wasn’t she an expert at the same thing?
Midmorning while Blake was busy at a staff meeting in the Great Room, Samantha picked up the telephone with a heavy heart and did what she had to do. She called Mary Wentworth back and spoke to her about a replacement. The other woman was surprised to hear she was leaving, but was more than happy to help. Mary promised she would e-mail some résumés of suitable applicants within a few hours.
Blake returned after the meeting, formally asked if there were any messages, then strode straight into his office. Samantha’s heart sank at how cold he was, but there was nothing she could do about it. She still had to leave.
At lunchtime she had some sandwiches sent up from the kitchen, and Blake made it apparent that he preferred to eat at his desk by himself, with his door closed between them. Usually they ate together while discussing work. Or if they ate at their own desks, the door remained open.
Not this time.
And that was fine with her, she decided, growing more and more upset. She needed a filter to stop the waves of anger coming out of his office anyway. To clear her head, she went for a walk in the fresh air. Blake didn’t ask where she’d been when she returned and she didn’t offer. It was plain to see he was no longer concerned about her.
By late afternoon, Samantha had had enough of his attitude. He’d chastised her after she’d put through a call he hadn’t wanted to take. He’d found fault with a letter she’d typed up for his signature. And he’d told her to go recheck some figures on a report that she knew were correct.
When she brought the report back, she deliberately placed another folder on top of it.
His head shot up. “What’s this?”
“Résumés. They all come highly recommended.”
His lips flattened. “I didn’t ask you to do this.”
She angled her chin. “It’s what you pay me to do.”
“I pay you to do what you’re told.”
She gasped, then held herself rigid. “That’s unfair of you. You don’t mind me being proactive in other things with my job. It’s why I’m such a good assistant and you know it.”
“We’re talking fairness now, are we? You’re the one leaving me. How fair is that?”
“I’m not leaving you, Blake,” she lied. “Anyway, don’t take it personally, remember? That’s what you said to me when you reminded me of my contract obligations.”
He muttered a curse, but for Samantha the last straw had already broken the camel’s back. “I can’t continue under these conditions, Blake. If you won’t treat me right, then I’ll pack my things and leave tonight. And I don’t care if you take me to court for breach of contract either.” She hesitated, but only for a second. “I believe I could make a good case for justifying my leaving anyway, considering the personal turn our relationship has taken.”
There was a lengthy silence.
His eyes challenged hers. “Would you go that far?”
She gave a jerky nod. “If pushed I would. Don’t doubt that.”
He held her gaze with narrowed eyes.
And then suddenly something happened and a suspicion of admiration began to glint in them. “Way to go!” he said softly, startling her. “You’re a tough little madam. I always knew you could hold your own in your job, but I never thought to see the day when you used it against me.”
A little of the tension went out of her. “So things will return to normal?” she asked cautiously.
“No.”
Her heart dropped.
“Things can never be normal between us again. Not since last night.” He drew a long breath, as if taking a moment before making a decision. “I don’t want to see you go, but I don’t want to keep you here against your will either. If you want to go then I have to accept it.”
It wasn’t what she wanted at all.
It was what she had to do.
“Thank you, Blake.”
“But at least stay until your contract runs out.” He waited a moment. “I’m not asking for the job and I’m not asking for the sex. I’m asking for me.”
She caught her breath. This was the best she could hope for, the best it could get, and she wasn’t about to argue with that. She would take her happiness where she could.
A whisper of joy filled her. “Okay, yes. I’ll stay until my contract runs out, Blake,” she said, and watched him let out a shuddering breath that touched her greatly. He really did want her to stay so that he could be with her.
Clearly satisfied now they were back on an even keel, he leaned back in his chair with a look she had no trouble translating. “Go over there and lock the door.”
A tiny shiver of anticipation went down her spine. “Blake, I can’t … I don’t …”
“You can.” His eyes turned deeper blue. “I seriously need to make love to you, Samantha.”
Her heart tilted. Oh, she wanted that, too. She darted a look at the door. “The others—”
“Will think we don’t want to be disturbed.” He gave a crooked smile. “And they’d be right.” He waited a moment. “You can always race into my washroom if anyone comes.”
Wanting this … wanting him … she went and locked the heavy wood door, but ducked her head out into her office first to make sure no one was there. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she muttered, turning the lock.
“Don’t think about it.” He looked amused and she decided that if he wanted her, then he was going to have her. And she would wipe that amusement right off his face.
Fingers going to the buttons of her long-sleeved blouse, she began to undo each one as she approached him across the plush carpet.
One eyebrow lifted. “Are you teasing me, Miss Thompson?”
“Actually I think I am.”
He smiled, and she smiled, then his smile started to slip as she completely undid the blouse, leaving it hanging open over her black bra. She marveled at where this seductress in her was coming from, but didn’t let it deter her. She wasn’t about to waste a minute of it.
She reached the side of the desk. “More?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“You’re the boss.”
Her hands were shaking a little as she slid the zipper of her slacks down, pushing them and her panties all the way to the floor, then stepped out of them. She heard a rasping sound escape Blake’s throat and there was a blaze in his eyes that seemed to emit from his whole body.
Gratified by his reaction … satisfied by his amusement now turned to desire … she climbed onto his lap, knees on either side of his thighs, her blouse covering her bra—and then only just.
After that, passion overtook all rational thoughts and the air hummed with soft, sensual sounds.
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