Regency Society

‘Roxanne will not mind. She does not expect me to dance attendance on her all the time, sir.’

‘No, of course not. She made a bargain with you and she’ll stick to it, because she is honest and decent—but there’s no cause for you to treat her as if she were a doormat.’

‘I cannot think I have done so,’ Luke replied, stung by the accusation. ‘Roxanne has not complained to me—has she said something to you?’

‘She would not complain, but I’ve had the truth out of her. She told me after that fellow attacked Mr Higgins. The gel doesn’t know who she is or where she came from before Sofia found her. She’s afraid she stole that wretched ruby, but I don’t believe she’s a thief.’

‘Roxanne told you all this?’ Luke frowned, his mouth thinning. ‘Did she tell you everything?’

‘About the bargain you made to give me something to please me in my last days?’ The earl’s gaze narrowed. ‘I’d guessed some of it and I made her tell me the rest. Did you imagine I should be fooled, Luke? You haven’t been behaving like a man who has fallen head over heels. She’s a better actress than you—though I’m not so sure she’s acting now. She’s a tender-hearted woman, Luke—and I don’t want to see her hurt.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘If you’re doing this for my sake, perhaps you shouldn’t,’ the earl said. ‘I know I’ve pushed you towards marriage, but that girl means something to me. If you don’t love her, let her go and stop this masquerade before it’s too late. I’ll do something for her myself. Indeed, she is welcome to stay with me for the rest of my days if she chooses. You can go back to the life you enjoy. I know now that I was wrong to demand so much of you, Luke. It isn’t right to force you into marriage for my sake. I don’t want either of you to ruin your life for me. That gel cares about us both and I won’t see her hurt. If you marry her, make it a proper marriage and forget this foolish bargain.’

‘I think marriage to Roxanne would suit me well enough. It is no different to many marriages made for position or money. I doubt I shall ever fall in love or want to settle for domesticity. I’m a loner like my father. It wouldn’t be fair to make any woman love me, because I should hurt her.’

‘Your father may not have been what you think him,’ the earl said and sighed heavily. ‘This marriage and an heir before I die would make me happy, Luke—but I’ve been selfish too often in the past. I want both of you to be happy and I’m releasing you from your promise. If you marry her, let it be because it’s what you want.’

‘Thank you, sir.’ Luke inclined his head stiffly. ‘I shall leave you to rest. You may be certain that I shall give this some thought.’

Luke left his grandfather’s bedchamber, striding along the hall and down the stairs. He could feel the anger building inside him. Why hadn’t Roxanne told him that the earl knew everything? Why had she allowed him to think that she was still going through the motions of a make-believe marriage?

She was in a plot with his grandfather to trap him into making this a proper marriage. Once his ring was on her finger there would be no going back. Luke could divorce her, but the scandal would be horrendous and he would never be able to face it. Hurting Roxanne would be like inflicting pain on himself. He’d meant it to be a simple arrangement with no ties on either side, but Roxanne had broken the terms of their agreement.

He felt resentful and bitter, because she had taken his grandfather’s side against him. He could imagine them smiling over their plot, reeling him in like a fish on a line. How dare she talk about him behind his back?

Luke knew that he was the one who had swept her off on a tide of passion on the night of the ball, but he was struggling to keep his head above water and only by transferring the blame could he justify his own reactions. He’d meant it to be the way it was when he took a mistress, passion and pleasure but no emotional entanglement. Roxanne had declared her love in the heat of desire and it had sent him running in a panic.

He couldn’t handle love. Luke’s mouth was dry and his stomach was tying itself in knots. Love hurt too much. It was a black choking sensation that made small boys weep in the darkness and cry out for the mother they had lost. He wasn’t in love with Roxanne. He couldn’t love anyone. He was like his father. She had lied to him by keeping it secret that the earl knew of their bargain.

Roxanne was in her favourite parlour. She was matching silks against a piece of embroidery she’d found somewhere, a look of such perfect content on her face that his fury broke loose in a torrent of bitter words.

‘How dare you lie to me?’ he demanded without preamble, ignoring the look of shock on her face. ‘Have you been plotting together—you and Grandfather? Did you laugh at how easy I was to fool?’

‘I have no idea what you mean? Why should I wish to lie to you—or to make a fool of you?’

She rose slowly to her feet, looking as if he’d struck her. It was the way his mother had looked at his father so many times and it made Luke feel guilty. He struck out blindly, because he could not stand to feel her pain.

‘You did not tell me that you had confessed everything to him.’

Roxanne’s cheeks burned. ‘Grandfather made me promise I would not tell you he knew. I could not keep it from him because he guessed a part of the whole and was angry. I thought he would send me away and I did not wish to leave.’

‘It suits you to live here as a grand lady, I suppose,’ Luke thundered, his expression one of fury and disgust. ‘You’ve been fooling us both, haven’t you? Laughing at us all the time. Who are you really? An adventuress out for what you can get? I fell right into your little trap, didn’t I? You played me so well, pretending to be reluctant and making me persuade you into marriage and giving me an heir. You must have been laughing at my gullibility all the time.’

Roxanne was deadly white. He saw her hands shaking and knew that she was fighting her desire to weep, but his anger was so intense that he could not control it.

‘Have you nothing to say to me?’

‘I believe you have said it all,’ Roxanne murmured between stiff lips. ‘Excuse me. I think I must leave.’

‘I’ll save you the bother. I’m going to London.’

Luke strode from the room. His temper carried him as far as the stables and then he suddenly felt all his energy seep away. Leaning against the wall, he discovered that tears were streaming down his cheeks and he could not stop them. A choking sob broke from him as he mumbled, ‘Roxanne, forgive me. Such a fool. I’m so sorry. So very sorry.’

What had he done? He’d said such dreadful things to her. Terrible, cruel, wicked things that she did not deserve. He knew that she was not an adventuress, nor had she planned this for material gain. Yes, she was glad of a settled home, but she was prepared to give so much in return—all the things that he had lost when his mother died. All the things his soul craved and he feared. He was a craven coward and deserved a horsewhipping for the way he’d spoken to her.

Roxanne would hate him. He had destroyed any feeling she had for him.

She’d said she must leave. In his rage he hadn’t listened. Did she mean leave the room—or leave him? Go away for ever?

He might never see her again. The thought sent such a wave of agony lashing through him that Luke groaned. He had not realised what he had and he’d cast it away without a second thought.

Perhaps it wasn’t too late. If he went back now and begged her pardon on his knees, perhaps she would stay—if not for his sake, for his grandfather’s. She loved the earl. Surely she would not desert him?

Luke strode towards the house. Please let him be in time. If she’d already gone, he would find her. He would find her and bring her back for the earl’s sake.

Even now he was in denial. Even now he could not quite admit that he needed her, needed her more than he had ever believed possible.

He had no right to care. He was not worthy of her love. He did not know how to love. She had the right to walk away if she chose, now that she knew him for what he was. His damnable temper and the way he hurt people—how could Roxanne ever love him?

Roxanne had left the sealed note on the silver salver in the hall. Mrs Arlet would find it and deliver it to the earl later. It would hurt him, though she’d promised that she would return to see him if she could one day—one day when Luke was back in London and she would not have to see him or the lashing scorn in his eyes.

How could Luke have said such things to her? Roxanne felt her throat tighten with pain. It hurt so much to know what he truly thought of her. How could he believe that she was pretending to care for the earl? He must know that she loved him. He must know that she loved them both so much that this was tearing her into shreds.

She was carrying one small bundle, very similar in content to that she had taken when she left the camp of the travelling players. She’d had no choice but to take the gown she was wearing, some underclothes and a spare skirt and bodice, but the ring and necklace Luke had given her were left on the dressing table in her room.

She had less money than when she’d fled from Black Bob. She’d had no need of money in the earl’s house and none had been offered to her. Instead, Luke or the earl had met all the bills for her clothes and anything else she needed was provided.

She would need to find employment quite soon. Roxanne had packed her things, written her note and left in haste. She had not given a thought to what she would do in the future. Now she realised that she must begin working almost immediately. The ruby had gone and she was without friends. Her dream of becoming an actress must be put to one side for the moment. To eat and have a roof over her head, she must take any work that was offered.

She could not look for a position too close to the estate. People might know her and gossip and she did not wish to cause a scandal for Luke and the earl. There would naturally be some scandal when it was discovered that the engagement was over, but Luke could explain to his family that he’d been mistaken in her; they would sympathise with him and it would blow over after a few months.

Roxanne recalled that they had passed a staging inn on the way here. That meant that the mail coach would call there on its way to and from London. She might just have enough coins to travel a part of the way to London. She could find an inn or perhaps a farmhouse where they were looking for a girl to help with the chores. It was not the life she would choose for herself, but she must make the best of it until she could earn enough to set up for herself. Perhaps she could become a seamstress. She had some talent for sewing and she would prefer that kind of work.

She had left by a side door in order to avoid being seen and made her escape through the walled garden and out into a lane that led through the earl’s estate to the village. Once there she could find her way to the staging inn and then… Roxanne choked back her tears and looked about her.

The lane had come to an end. She must either cross over a stile and a meadow, which appeared to be filled with cows and what she thought might be a bull, or go through the wood. She’d imagined the way across the field would lead her to the village, but now she knew she was lost. Hesitating, she avoided the meadow and the bull, which was eyeing her in a way that she preferred not to challenge. If she kept walking, the wood must lead somewhere and eventually she would find a main road or a village where she could ask the way.

She had been walking in the cool shadow of the wood for some twenty minutes or so when she heard something rustling in the undergrowth and then a stick snapped. Someone was close by. She turned her head, eager to find whoever it was and enquire the way, and then something struck her on the side of the head and everything went black.

‘Fool,’ the voice said as a pair of strong arms caught her as she fell. ‘His Highness will be angry if you’ve harmed her. He gave orders that she was to be taken, but not harmed. May the goddess protect her and keep her from harm.’

Roxanne heard nothing of the argument that ensued, nor was she aware of being carried through the wood to where a closed carriage and four horses awaited. Although she was treated with respect after the first crashing blow, she had no knowledge of what was happening to her, her eyes closed and her face pale as the darkness held her mind.

‘What does she say?’ Luke asked as he watched the earl open his letter and read its contents. Discovering that no one had seen Roxanne, he had found the letter on the salver in the hall and taken it at once to his grandfather. ‘Has she gone away? Has she left me? I think she left nothing for me.’

‘What on earth did you say to her?’ Hartingdon handed him the letter after skimming its contents. ‘You have a careless tongue, but this was more than a harsh word, Luke. She begs my pardon for breaking her promise and regrets she must leave—though she promises to let me know how she is and to visit often if I wish it. Damn it, why does she need to ask? I did not wish her to leave me.’

‘It is my fault. My fault entirely,’ Luke said. ‘Forgive me for hurting you like this, sir. I know you care for Roxanne. I was abominably rude to her and I said things I did not mean in temper.’

‘She said we were very alike,’ the earl grunted. ‘I can imagine what you said, what you thought. You’re a damned fool, Luke. You’ve thrown away your chance of happiness, boy. Couldn’t you see that she was perfect for you? She loved you.’

‘I know, at least I thought…’ Luke caught his breath as the pain knifed through him. ‘It was fear of her love that made me cruel, sir. I didn’t want to do to her what my father did to my mother. I was afraid of hurting her, of breaking her fine spirit—and I’ve done just that, haven’t I?’

‘Your mother should never have married,’ the earl said. ‘I loved her, but she was a foolish silly girl and your father needed a woman with passion in her bones to help him forget. I should never have pushed them into marriage.’

Luke’s brows knit in a frown. ‘Help him forget—what? I do not understand you, sir.’

‘Your father married on the rebound, Luke. As a young man he was very much in love. Your mother liked him when they first met at a society ball, but he didn’t look at her that night. He was in love with Helene Digby, the woman he planned to wed, but she died of a sudden and terrible fever. I believe your father was with her, held her in his arms as she died. He never truly recovered from her death. A love like that comes but once in a lifetime.’

‘My father was in love like that—really, deeply in love? I thought him a shallow fellow given to affairs and not capable of love.’ Luke stared in disbelief, his memories in disarray.

‘He loved too deeply, that was his trouble,’ the earl said. ‘When I coerced him into marrying my daughter he told me that he couldn’t love her. I thought it an ideal marriage for my silly girl. She would live here with me, give me an heir for the estate, and her husband would go his own way. My silly Sarah couldn’t let him go. She didn’t truly enjoy the physical side of marriage, but she wanted a romantic husband to fuss over her and bring her presents. Clarendon wasn’t that kind of man. If she’d had passion in her, she might have held him, but she didn’t and so he broke her heart with his affairs. She should have let him go, been content with what she had, but she demanded too much of him.’

‘Good grief.’ Luke sat down heavily, his legs going weak as the shock went through him. ‘I had no idea. All these years I’ve thought…’

‘You thought you were shallow and worthless and I let you believe it. Instead of appreciating your qualities, I drove you away, blaming you for what your father did to my silly girl. It wasn’t his fault and it certainly wasn’t yours, Luke. I don’t believe you take after either of them. You’re like me—Roxanne knew it instinctively and she loved us both.’

It was like a light breaking over him, the realisation that he loved Roxanne with all his heart. Tortured by his memories that were false and seen through the eyes of a child, who did not understand what was happening between his parents, he had fought against his love for her. When he realised there was no longer a reason to hold her to her promise, he had lashed out in fear and despair, driving her away.

What had he done? All he had ever secretly longed for and needed had been within his grasp and he had thrown it away.

‘I am a crass fool and I have to pray that she will forgive me.’

‘She might if you can find her,’ the earl said and frowned. ‘You rode to the village and enquired, but no one had seen her?’

‘One of the gardeners thought he saw her in the lane that leads to the meadow where the cows are. If she’d crossed that, she would have come out on the high road and followed the signs to the east, but there is also the wood and if she took that route she might end up on the road north.’

‘Where would she go?’

Luke moved his shoulders negatively. ‘She was heading for London when I first met her…’

‘You must find her,’ the earl said urgently. ‘Don’t blame yourself for the whole, Luke. I made her promise not to tell you that I knew the truth. I am as much to blame as you are in this.’

‘No, sir. Roxanne certainly didn’t run away from you. I’m the one that hurt her. I intend to find her, however long it takes me, and when I do I shall beg her to return, but it may be too late. Some things are unforgivable and, in truth, I do not deserve her forgiveness.’

‘I think she may give it,’ the earl said and smiled at him. ‘You haven’t yet realised how lucky you are, Luke. Roxanne is a wonderful and very loving person. You must find her because if you do not you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.’

‘Yes, I know,’ Luke said. ‘I think I must travel to London. Will you forgive me for leaving you at such a time?’

‘I’m not going to die just yet, boy,’ the earl said. ‘Find Roxanne and bring her back for all our sakes.’

Luke smiled oddly. ‘I promise I shall leave no stone unturned, sir, but for the moment it seems that she has disappeared into thin air.’

‘That isn’t possible, Luke. Roxanne was on foot. It would have taken her hours to walk anywhere.’

‘Unless…’ Luke shook his head. He would not distress the earl yet by suggesting that she might have been kidnapped. Somehow Roxanne had avoided detection, but he would find her if it took him the rest of his life.

Chapter Ten

Roxanne stirred and moaned, turning her head on the soft pillow. She was dreaming and tears were on her cheeks as she cried out, ‘Mama, please don’t leave us. Papa, why must she die? I want Mama, I want my mother…’

‘Your mother is dying of a fever. Her heart is not strong enough to fight it. You should blame me, child. I should never have brought you both out here to this dreadful climate. It is my fault, but you shall not fall victim to this accursed place, as she did. I shall take you home to your aunt.’

‘Mama…please don’t leave us. Mama…’

‘Hush, memsahib,’ a soft voice said and gentle hands stroked her brow. ‘You are ill, but you will be better soon.’

‘Mama is dying…’ Roxanne’s eyes flicked opened and she saw a face, the face of her nurse. The Indian woman was kind and loving and she was comforted. ‘Mama is so ill.’

‘That was long ago, little one. Rest now and when you wake you will be well again.’

Roxanne closed her eyes as the soft hands stroked her forehead and she smelled the exotic perfume of flowers and spices.

The dream was changing. She was in a different place and someone was saying she must die. Now she was lost…running from something…someone. Her uncle wanted her father’s ruby, the precious jewel Papa had asked her to keep for him until he returned from India. Her uncle had demanded that she give it to him, telling her that she could not look after it properly.

‘No…’ she cried out. ‘Please help me. He will kill me…he wants Papa’s ruby.’

A cool dark hand touched her brow and a woman’s beautiful, dusky-skinned face appeared through the mist for a moment.

‘Do not fret, little mistress,’ the woman’s soft musical voice soothed her. ‘You are safe now. My lord is angry they hurt you so. He will not let more harm come to you. Rest now and sleep.’

‘My uncle…he wants the ruby,’ Roxanne moaned, her eyelids fluttering as the words came tumbling out. She clutched at the bedclothes with restless hands. ‘My aunt said she would steal it while I slept, but he said it would be best if I were dead. He says they will tell my father I died of a fever and the ruby was lost. I must get away…I must get away…’

‘Hush, little one. You are safe now.’

‘No…Luke, I want Luke…’ Roxanne’s cheeks were wet with tears as the fever raged through her. ‘Please, ask him to come to me. I need him so…’ She was sobbing, tossing restlessly on the pillow, her long hair damp and clinging to her forehead.

‘The memsahib is very ill,’ another voice said. ‘Those fools hit her too hard. If she dies, the lord will be angry and he will punish them harshly. She must drink this medicine; it may ease her. She must live or all will be lost. Without her to help us, the ruby may never be recovered and our people will continue to suffer.’

‘Give me the cup,’ the woman’s soft voice said. ‘I will get her to swallow your potion, honourable doctor, but she is wandering in her mind and she may not remember where the ruby is or even her own name.’

‘It is in the hands of the gods,’ the doctor said. ‘I shall pray for her life, for if she gives back what was stolen our people may prosper again.’

‘Help me…’ Roxanne cried. ‘Sofia…help me. Papa, why do you not come back to me? I need you…I need you so.’

‘Drink this and it will ease you.’ The woman’s soft voice was close to her ear and gentle hands stroked her face.

Roxanne gave a cry of fear. ‘They are searching for me. I’m so hungry and thirsty. I want Papa…if they find me they will kill me.’

‘No one will kill you. You are going to get well and strong again.’

‘Sofia, please don’t leave me, don’t die. I shall be so alone…’ Roxanne sat up, her eyes wide open. ‘Luke! Please don’t hate me. I love you. I love you.’

‘Hush then, the medicine will work soon.’

The soothing hands were stroking her brow, helping her to relax. Roxanne knew there was something she must do or say, but she was sinking back into the darkness and a strange lassitude was binding her limbs and her mind. She fell back against the pillows, her eyes closed.

‘She will sleep now,’ the doctor said. ‘We must pray that the fever will leave her and when she wakes she will tell us what we need to know.’

Roxanne felt that she was dying and feared she would never see Luke again. The words she wanted to say were in her mind, but would not come. She was slipping away, away into a deep dark place. For a moment everything had been so clear, but the drug claimed her senses and she slept.

‘She has not been seen in the village and she did not board the stage for London. The coachman and ostlers were quite adamant that they had not seen her. I do not know where to look next.’ Luke ran his fingers through his thick hair in frustration. There was a shadow of beard on his chin and his clothes were less than immaculate. ‘Where could she have gone?’

‘She must either have been picked up by a carter or she has walked in another direction,’ the earl said, looking at Luke in concern. He’d hardly slept for the past week, spending every daylight hour out riding or walking in the hope of discovering Roxanne’s whereabouts. ‘She cannot have gone very far on foot, Luke. Perhaps she has found work somewhere, in an inn or a farmhouse.’

‘She would not?’ Luke stared at him in horror. ‘I think she had very little money. I gave her jewels, but she left them behind. She is proud and independent and would take nothing we had given her.’ He sank down onto a chair, a look of despair on his face. ‘What can I do, Grandfather?’