Ethan

She shifted against the pillows. “You’re very touchy these days, Ethan. I wasn’t looking for ways to insult you. I’m very grateful for what you’ve done.”

He finished his coffee. His gray eyes met hers and for an instant, they were held against their will. He averted his gaze instantly. “I don’t want gratitude from you.”

That was the truth; not gratitude or anything else—least of all love.

She let her eyes fall to her hand in its cast. “Did you call the hospital at Dallas to ask about my father?”

“I phoned your uncle early this morning. The eye specialist is supposed to see your father today; they’re more optimistic than they were last night.”

“Did he ask about me?”

“Of course he asked about you,” Ethan replied. “He was told about your hand.”

She stiffened. “And?”

“He didn’t say another word, according to your uncle.” Ethan smiled without humor. “Well, what did you expect? Yours hands are his livelihood. He’s just seen a future that’s going to require him to work for a living again. I expect he’s drowning in self-pity.”

“Shame on you,” she snapped.

He stared at her, unblinking. “I know your father. You do, too, despite the fact that you’ve spent your life protecting him. You might try living your own way for a change.”

“I’m content with my life,” she muttered.

His pale eyes caught and held hers, and he was very still. The room was so quiet that they could hear the sound of cars outside the hospital, in the nearby streets of Jacobsville.

“Do you remember what you asked me when they brought you in?”

She shook her head. “No. I was hurting pretty badly just then,” she lied, averting her eyes.

“You asked if I remembered the swimming hole.”

Her cheeks went hot. She pleated the material of the hospital gown they’d put her in, grimacing. “I can’t imagine why I’d ask such a question. That’s ancient history.”

“Four years isn’t ancient history. And to answer the question belatedly, yes, I remember. I wish I could forget.”

Well, that was plain enough, wasn’t it, she thought, hurt. She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. She could imagine the mockery in his eyes. “Why can’t you?” she asked, trying to sound as unconcerned as he did. “After all, you told me yourself that I’d asked for it, that you’d been thinking about Miriam.”

“Damn Miriam!” He got up, upsetting the coffee cup in the process, splattering a few drops of scalding coffee onto his hand. He ignored the sting, turning away to stare out the window at Jacobsville, his body rigid. He lifted the cup to his lips and sipped the hot liquid again to steady himself. Even the mention of his ex-wife made him tense, wounded him. Arabella had no idea of the hell Miriam had made of his life, or why he’d let her trap him into marriage. It was four years too late for explanations or apologies. His memories of the day he’d made love to Arabella were permanent, unchanged, a part of him, but he couldn’t even tell her that. He was so locked up inside that he’d almost forgotten how to feel, until Arabella’s father had telephoned him to tell him that Arabella had been injured. Even now, he could taste the sick fear he’d felt, face all over again the possibility that she might have died. The world had gone black until he’d gotten to the hospital and found her relatively unhurt.

“Do you hear from Miriam anymore?” she asked.

He didn’t turn around. “I hadn’t since the divorce was final, until last week.” He finished the coffee and laughed coldly. “She wants to talk about a reconciliation.”

Arabella felt her heart sink. So much for faint hope, she thought. “Do you want her back?”

Ethan came back to the bedside, and his eyes were blazing with anger. “No, I don’t want her back,” he said. He stared down at her icily. “It took me years to talk her into a divorce. Do you really think I have any plans to put my neck in that noose again?” he asked.

“I don’t know you, Ethan,” she replied quietly. “I don’t think I ever did, really. But you loved Miriam once,” she added with downcast eyes. “It’s not inconceivable that you could miss her, or want her back.”

He didn’t answer her. He turned and dropped back down into the armchair by the bed, crossing his legs. Absently he played with the empty coffee cup. Loved Miriam? He’d wanted her. But love? No. He wished he could tell Arabella that, but he’d become too adept at keeping his deepest feelings hidden.

He put the cup down on the floor beside his chair. “A cracked mirror is better replaced than mended,” he said, lifting his eyes back to Arabella’s. “I don’t want a reconciliation. So, that being the case,” he continued, improvising as he began to see a way out of his approaching predicament, “we might be able to help each other.”

Arabella’s heart jumped. “What?”

He stared at her, his eyes probing, assessing. “Your father raised you in an emotional prison. You never tried to break out. Well, here’s your chance.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s obvious. You used to be better at reading between the lines.” He took a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and dangled it from his fingers. “Don’t worry, I won’t light it,” he added when he saw the look she gave him. “I need something to do with my hands. What I meant was that you and I can pretend to be involved.”

She couldn’t prevent the astonished fear from distorting her features. He’d pushed her out of his life once, and now he had the audacity to want her to pretend to be involved with him? It was cruel.

“I thought you’d be bothered by the suggestion,” he said after a minute of watching her expression. “But think about it. Miriam won’t be here for another week or two. There’s time to map out some strategy.”

“Why can’t you just tell her not to come?” she faltered.

He studied his boot. “I could, but it wouldn’t solve the problem. She’d be dancing in and out of my life from now on. The best way, the only way,” he corrected, “is to give her a good reason to stay away. You’re the best one I can think of.”

“Miriam would laugh herself sick if anyone told her you were involved with me,” she said shortly. “I was only eighteen when you married her. She didn’t consider me any kind of competition then, and she was right. I wasn’t, and I’m not.” She lifted her chin with mangled pride. “I’m talented, but I’m not pretty. She’ll never believe you see anything interesting about me.”

He had to control his expression not to betray the sting of those words. It hurt him to hear Arabella talk so cynically. He didn’t like remembering how badly he’d had to hurt her. At the time, it didn’t seem that he’d had a choice. But explaining his reasoning to Arabella four years too late would accomplish nothing.

His eyes darkened as he watched Arabella with the old longing. He didn’t know how he was going to bear having to let her walk out of his life a second time. But at least he might have a few weeks with her under the pretext of a mutual-aid pact. Better that than nothing. At least he might have one or two sweet memories to last him through the barren years ahead.

“Miriam isn’t stupid,” he said finally. “You’re a young woman now, well-known in your field and no longer a country mouse. She won’t know how sheltered you’ve been, unless you tell her.” His eyes slid gently over her face. “Even without your father’s interference, I don’t imagine you’ve had much time for men, have you?”

“Men are treacherous,” she said without thinking. “I offered you my heart and you threw it in my teeth. I haven’t offered it again, to anyone, and I don’t intend to. I’ve got my music, Ethan. That’s all I need.”

He didn’t believe her. Women didn’t go that sour over a youthful infatuation, especially when it was mostly physical to begin with. Probably the drugs they’d given her had upset her reasoning, even if he’d give an arm to believe she’d cared that much. “What if you don’t have music again?” he asked suddenly.

“Then I’ll jump off the roof,” she replied with conviction. “I can’t live without it. I don’t want to try.”

“What a cowardly approach.” He said the words coldly to disguise a ripple of real fear at the way she’d looked when she said that.

“Not at all,” she contradicted him. “At first it was my father’s idea to push me into a life of concert tours. But I love what I do. Most of what I do,” she corrected. “I don’t care for crowds, but I’m very happy with my life.”

“How about a husband? Kids?” he probed.

“I don’t want or need either,” she said, averting her face. “I have my life planned.”

“Your damned father has your life planned,” he shot back angrily. “He’d tell you when to breathe if you’d let him!”

“What I do is none of your concern,” she replied. Her green eyes met his levelly. “You have no right whatsoever to talk about my father trying to dominate me, when you’re trying to manipulate me yourself to help you get Miriam out of your hair.”

One silvery eye narrowed. “It amazes me.”

“What does?” she asked.

“That you hit back at me with such disgusting ease and you won’t say boo to your father.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” she said. She laced her fingers together. “I’ve always been a little in awe of my father. The only thing he cares about is my talent. I thought if I got famous, he might love me.” She laughed bitterly. “But it didn’t work, did it? Now he thinks I may not be able to play again and he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” She looked up with tear-bright eyes. “Neither would you, if it wasn’t for Miriam hotfooting it down here. I’ve never been anything but a pawn where men were concerned, and you think my father is trying to run my life?”

He stuck the hand that wasn’t holding the cigarette into his pocket. “That’s one miserable self-image you’ve got,” he remarked quietly.

She looked away. “I know my failings,” she told him. She closed her eyes. “I’ll help you keep Miriam at bay, but you won’t need to protect me from my father. I very much doubt if I’ll ever see him again after what’s happened.”

“If that hand heals properly, you’ll see him again.” Ethan tossed the unlit cigarette into an ashtray. “I have to get Mother and Mary and drive them in to see you. The man I sent for your clothes should be back by then. I’ll bring your things with us.”

“Thank you,” she said stiffly.

He paused by the bedside, his eyes attentive. “I don’t like having to depend on other people, either,” he said. “But you can carry independence too far. Right now, I’m all you’ve got. I’ll take care of you until you’re back on your feet. If that includes keeping your father away, I can do that, too.”

She looked up. “What do you have in mind to keep Miriam from thinking our relationship is a sham?”

“You look nervous,” he remarked. “Do you think I might want to make love to you in front of her?”

Her cheeks went hot. “Of course not!”

“Well, you can relax. I won’t ask you for the ultimate sacrifice. A few smiles and some hand-holding ought to get the message across.” He laughed bitterly as he looked down at her. “If that doesn’t do it, I’ll announce our engagement. Don’t panic,” he added icily when he saw the expression on her face. “We can break it off when she leaves, if we have to go that far.”

Her heart was going mad. He didn’t know what the thought of being engaged to him did to her. She loved him almost desperately, but it was obvious that he had no such feeling for her.

Why did he need someone to help him get Miriam to leave him alone? she wondered. Maybe he still loved Miriam and was afraid of letting her get to him. Arabella closed her eyes. Whatever his reason, she couldn’t let him know how she felt. “I’ll go along, then,” she said. “I’m so tired, Ethan.”

“Get some rest. I’ll see you later.”

She opened her eyes. “Thank you for coming to see me. I don’t imagine it was something you’d have chosen to do, except that Dad asked you.”

“And you think I care enough for your father’s opinion to make any sacrifices on his behalf?” he asked curiously.

“Well, I don’t expect you to make any on mine,” she said coolly. “God knows, you disliked me enough in the old days. And still do, I imagine. I shouldn’t have said anything to you about Miriam—”

She was suddenly talking to thin air. He was gone before the words were out of her mouth.

* * *

Ethan was back with Coreen and Mary later that day, but he didn’t come into the room.

Coreen, small and delicate, was everything Arabella would have ordered in a custom-made mother. The little woman was spirited and kind, and her battles with Ethan were legendary. But she loved Arabella and Mary, and they were as much her daughters as Jan, her own married daughter who lived out of state.

“It was a blessing that Ethan was home,” Coreen told Arabella while Mary, Arabella’s best friend in public school, sat nearby and listened to the conversation with twinkling brown eyes. “He’s been away from home every few days since his divorce was final, mostly business trips. He’s been moody and brooding and restless. I found it amazing that he sent Matt on his last one.”

“Maybe he was out making up for lost time after the divorce was final,” Arabella said quietly. “After all, he was much too honorable himself to indulge in anything indecent while he was technically married.”

“Unlike Miriam, who was sleeping with anything in pants just weeks after they married,” Coreen said bluntly. “God knows why she held on to him for so long, when everyone knew she never loved him.”

“There’s no alimony in Texas,” Mary grinned. “Maybe that’s why.”

“I offered her a settlement,” Coreen said, surprising the other two women. “She refused. But I hear that she met someone else down in the Caribbean and there are rumors that she may marry her new man friend. That’s more than likely why she agreed to the divorce.”

“Then why does she want to come back?” Arabella asked.

“To make as much trouble as she can for Ethan, probably,” Coreen said darkly. “She used to say things to him that cut my heart out. He fought back, God knows, but even a strong man can be wounded by ceaseless ridicule and humiliation. My dear, Miriam actually seduced a man at a dinner party we gave for Ethan’s business associates. He walked in on them in his own study.”

Arabella closed her eyes and groaned. “It must have been terrible for him.”

“More terrible than you know,” Coreen replied. “He never really loved her and she knew it. She wanted him to worship at her feet, but he wouldn’t. Her extramarital activities turned him off completely. He told me that he found her repulsive, and probably he told her, too. That was about the time she started trying to create as many scandals as possible, to embarrass him. And they did. Ethan’s a very conventional man. It crushed him that Miriam thought nothing of seducing his business associates.” Coreen actually shuddered. “A man’s ego is his sensitive spot. She knew it, and used it, with deadly effect. Ethan’s changed. He was always quiet and introverted, but I hate what this marriage has done to him.”

“He’s a hard man to get close to,” Arabella said quietly. “Nobody gets near him at all now, I imagine.”

“Maybe you can change that,” Coreen said, smiling. “You could make him smile when no one else could. You taught him how to play. He was happier that summer four years ago than he ever was before or since.”

“Was he?” Arabella smiled painfully. “We had a terrible quarrel over Miriam. I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for the things I said.”

“Anger can camouflage so many emotions, Bella,” Coreen said quietly. “It isn’t always as cut-and-dried as it seems.”

“No, it isn’t,” Mary agreed. “Matt and I hated each other once, and we wound up married.”

“I doubt if Ethan will ever marry anyone again,” Arabella said, glancing at Coreen. “A bad burn leaves scars.”

“Yes,” Coreen said sadly. “By the way, dear,” she said then, changing the subject, “we’re looking forward to having you with us while you recuperate. Mary and I will enjoy your company so much.”

Arabella thought about what Coreen had said long after they left. She couldn’t imagine a man as masculine as Ethan being so wounded by any woman, but perhaps Miriam had some kind of hold on him that no one knew about. Probably a sensual one, she thought miserably, because everyone who’d seen them together knew how attracted he’d been to Miriam physically. Miriam had been worldly and sophisticated. It was understandable that he’d fallen so completely under her spell. Arabella had been much too innocent to even begin to compete for him.

A nurse came in, bearing a huge bouquet of flowers, and Arabella’s eyes glistened with faint tears at their beauty. There was no card, but she knew by the size and extravagance of the gift that it had to be Coreen. She’d have to remember to thank the older woman the next day.

It was a long night, and she didn’t sleep well. Her dreams were troubled, full of Ethan and pain. She lay looking up at the ceiling after one of the more potent dreams, and her mind drifted back to a late-summer’s day, with the sound of bees buzzing around the wildflowers that circled the spot where the creek widened into a big hole, deep enough to swim in. She and Ethan had gone there to swim one lazy afternoon…

She could still see the butterflies and hear the crickets and July flies that populated the deserted area. Ethan had driven them to the creek in the truck, because it was a long and tiring walk in the devastating heat of a south Texas summer. He’d been wearing white trunks that showed off his powerful body in an all-too-sensuous way, his broad shoulders and chest tapering to his narrow hips and long legs. He was deeply tanned, and his chest and flat belly were thick with curling dark hair. Seeing him in trunks had never bothered Arabella overmuch until that day, and then just looking at him made her blush and scamper into the water.

She’d been wearing a yellow one-piece bathing suit, very respectable and equally inexpensive. Her father’s job had supported them frugally, and she was working part-time to help pay her tuition at the music school in New York. She was on fire with the promise of being a superb pianist, and things were going well for her. She’d come over to spend the afternoon with his sister Jan, but she and her latest boyfriend had gone to a barbecue, so Ethan had offered to take her swimming.

The offer had shocked and flattered Arabella, because Ethan was in his mid-twenties and she was sure his taste didn’t run to schoolgirls. He was remote and unapproachable most of the time, but in the weeks before they went swimming together, he’d always seemed to be around when she visited his sister. His eyes had followed Arabella with an intensity that had disturbed and excited her. She’d loved him for so long, ached for him. And then, that day, all her dreams had come true when he’d issued his casual invitation to come swimming with him.

Once he’d rescued her from an overamorous would-be suitor, and another time he’d driven her to a school party along with Jan and Matt and Mary. To everyone’s surprise, he’d stayed long enough to dance one slow, lazy dance with Arabella. Jan and Mary had teased her about it mercilessly. That had started the fantasies, that one dance. Afterwards, Arabella had watched Ethan and worshipped him from afar.

Once they were at the swimming hole, the atmosphere had suddenly changed. Arabella hadn’t understood the way Ethan kept looking at her body, his silver eyes openly covetous, thrilling, seductive. She’d colored delicately every time he glanced her way.

“How do you like music school?” he’d asked while they sat in the grass at the creek’s edge, and Ethan quietly smoked a cigarette.

She’d had to drag her eyes away from his broad chest. “I like it,” she said. “I miss home, though.” She’d played with a blade of grass. “I guess things have been busy for you and Matt.”

“Not busy enough,” he’d said enigmatically. He’d turned his head and his silver eyes had cut at her. “You didn’t even write. Jan worried.”

“I haven’t had time. I had so much to catch up on.”

“Boys?” he questioned, his eyes flickering as he lifted the cigarette to his thin lips.

“No!” She averted her face from that suddenly mocking gaze. “I mean, there hasn’t been time.”

“That’s something.” He’d crushed out the cigarette in the grass. “We’ve had visitors. A film crew, doing a commercial of all things, using the ranch as a backdrop. The models are fascinated by cattle. One of them actually asked me if you really pumped a cow’s tail to get milk.”

She laughed delightedly. “What did you tell her?”

“That she was welcome to try one, if she wanted to.”

“Shame on you, Ethan!” Her face lit up as she stared at him. Then, very suddenly, the smile died and she was looking almost straight into his soul. She shivered with the feverish reaction of her body to that long, intimate look, and Ethan abruptly got to his feet and moved toward her with a stride that was lazy, graceful, almost stalking.

“Trying to seduce me, Bella?” he’d taunted softly, all too aware of how her soft eyes were smoothing over his body as he stopped just above her.

She’d really colored then. “Of course not!” she’d blurted out. “I was…just looking at you.”

“You’ve been doing that all day.” He’d moved then, straddling her prone body so that he was kneeling with her hips between his strong thighs. He’d looked at her, his eyes lingering on her breasts for so long that they began to feel tight and swollen. She followed his gaze and found the nipples hard and visible under the silky fabric. She’d caught her breath and lifted her hands to cover them, but his steely fingers had snapped around her wrists and pushed them down beside her head. He’d leaned forward to accomplish that, and now his hips were squarely over hers and she could feel the contours of his body beginning to change.

Her shocked eyes met his. “Ethan, what are you…” she began huskily.

“Don’t move your hips,” he said, his voice deep and soft as he eased his chest down over hers and began to drag it slowly, tenderly, against her taut nipples. “Lock your fingers into mine,” he whispered, and still that aching, arousing pressure went on and on. He bent, so that his hard, thin mouth was poised just above hers. He bit softly at her lower lip, drawing it into his lips, teasing it, while his tongue traced the moist inner softness.

She moaned sharply at the intimacy of his mouth and his body, her eyes wide open, astonished.

“Yes,” he said, lifting his face enough to see her eyes, to hold them with his glittering ones. “You and me. Hadn’t you even considered the possibility while you were being thrown at one eligible man after another by Jan’s ceaseless matchmaking a few months ago?”

“No,” she confessed unsteadily. “I thought you wouldn’t be interested in somebody my age.”

“A virgin has her own special appeal,” he replied. “And you are still a virgin, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she managed, wondering at her inability to produce anything except monosyllables while Ethan’s body made hers ache all over.

“I’ll stop before we do anything risky,” he said quietly. “But we’re going to enjoy each other for a long, long time before it gets to that point. Open your mouth when I kiss it, little one. Let me feel your tongue touching mine…”

She did moan then, letting his tongue penetrate the soft recesses of her mouth. The intimacy of it lifted her body against his and he made a deep, rough sound in his throat as he let his hips down over hers completely.

He felt her faint panic and subdued it with soft words and the gentle caress of his lean, strong hands on her back. Under her, the soft grass made a tickly cushion while she looked up into Ethan’s quiet eyes.

“Afraid?” he asked gently. “I know you can feel how aroused I am, but I’m not going to hurt you. Just relax. We can lie together like this. I won’t lose control, even if you let me do what comes next.”

She felt the faint tenderness of her lips as she spoke, tasted him on them with awe. “What…comes next?” she asked.

“This.” He lifted up on one elbow and traced his fingers over her shoulder and her collarbone, down onto the faint swell of her breast. He stroked her with the lightest kind of touch, going close to but never actually touching the taut nipple. She couldn’t help her own reaction to the intimate feel of his lean fingers on her untouched body. She shuddered with pure pleasure, and the silver eyes above her watched with their own pleasure in her swift response.